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tactlessbastard
Feb 4, 2001

Godspeed, post
Fun Shoe

Pearnicious posted:

I agree with the 500 bullets thing. The only reason it's alarming in this case is because she's proven to be insane. 500 rounds is not really a lot to a gun owner who goes to the range with any regularity. You can easily shoot 100-200 rounds at the range in a single session, especially if you go with friends. 500 to most avid hobbyists would just be "a good start."

It's cheaper to buy in bulk anyway, and it's not like they're going to go bad any time soon unless you store them under water.

500 is nothing at all but you'll see breathless news reports all the time about 'officers seized x pistols and y long guns and over a hundred! bullets.

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Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.

tactlessbastard posted:

500 is nothing at all but you'll see breathless news reports all the time about 'officers seized x pistols and y long guns and over a hundred! bullets.

.50 cal bullets can make a vortex that will take your head off if it goes by you!

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
carmant goign for a new style instead of endless threads about him being ugly

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Skipping: extremely long troll about how Reddit is so much better than SA; I'd have posted it but it was so loving long

In response to the general topic, though: Reddit is the kind of place where if you post a brainless cultural reference, or if someone else does and you post the next line from the scene, you will get hundreds or thousands of fake points, but if you say "actually, in my experience, Jewish people aren't obsessed with racial purity and it's a hurtful stereotype that keeps getting repeated" you get downvoted. And yet, their football discussion community is way better than ours somehow.

quote:

I have been a professor on tenure-track for the past few years at a large public university. My confession is I have been accepting sexual favors, mostly from premed girls, for better grades. They always come to me, although I admit I grade premeds harder than most because I don't really like them and it drives them to me.

It doesn't really work like it does in porn. It takes more coaxing to get them to be willing to do "anything" for a better grade. Basically I bait them into offering something that could be construed as a bribe or sexual favor and hold it over them and threaten to turn them in. After letting them freak out for a bit I say that since they were offering I'd be willing to let things slide if they did what I say, and it goes from there.

I only do this with girls I have some familiarity with and know a lot about them. I guess my main confession is that I heard through the grapevine that a girl I had done this to late last year near the end of the semester was thinking of talking to the university and/or the police. She had mentioned having a nephew and they were pretty close, so I found out where he went to school and used my knowledge of her family names etc to get them to let me pick him up from school one day (obviously using a fake name), and I sent her a selfie of us in my car.

Things have been fairly awkward ever since but it has been months and nothing has happened, so I think I'm in the clear. Obviously I have to lay low for a while now but my second confession is I'm already planning my next encounter for this semester and trying to avoid having to go to such extreme lengths.

Baronjutter
Dec 31, 2007

"Tiny Trains"

There's some niche reddits that are interesting like for really narrow professional fields or academic stuff, but the general community and any post with more than like 50 comments is an unreadable cesspool of bad opinions and the same joke repeated 100 times.

Also holy poo poo I hope that professor thing is fake or the guy is killed by her family or destroyed in a criminal case and locked up for a long time.

Baronjutter fucked around with this message at 00:21 on Jan 22, 2017

Danaru
Jun 5, 2012

何 ??

loquacius posted:

Professor Rapist

I know this is probably fake, but in case this is real, hoo doggy you're a rapist and I hope you get caught and spend the rest of your life in an especially lovely jail

subhuman filth
Nov 1, 2006

Danaru posted:

I know this is probably fake, but in case this is real, hoo doggy you're a rapist and I hope you get caught and spend the rest of your life in an especially lovely jail

To be fair, pre meds richly deserve it

The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?
Creepy rapist professor, ugh. I hope you are exposed and jailed.

Chard
Aug 24, 2010




subhuman filth posted:

To be fair, pre meds richly deserve it

post/username synchronicity 100%

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !
I don't even know what to say about that one. He kidnapped some kid and threatened to.. what? Jeezus that is so incriminating its not even UGH

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Professor isnt a rapist. Sounds like adults entering into an agreement.

Incoherence
May 22, 2004

POYO AND TEAR

Jastiger posted:

Professor isnt a rapist. Sounds like adults entering into an agreement.
Blackmail is a normal and everyday activity that ordinary people do all the time.

free basket of chips
Sep 7, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
The recent confessions have been pretty entertaining lately

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
Biscuit Hider

Jastiger posted:

Professor isnt a rapist. Sounds like adults entering into an agreement.

Sounds like blackmail and abuse of authority.

Why am I not surprised that you have the worst opinion on something?

monkeytennis
Apr 26, 2007


Toilet Rascal

Jastiger posted:

Professor isnt a rapist. Sounds like adults entering into an agreement.

:chanpop:

KomodoWagon
May 10, 2013

by R. Guyovich

Incoherence posted:

Blackmail is a normal and everyday activity that ordinary people do all the time.

This is Jastiger, a man who believes sticking rocks up toddler vaginas is "just something kids do"

The Ghoul
Dec 8, 2011

I got a cobra for a cock and some wrought iron balls
Loquacious, I know you might think your top priority is something like a job, or family, or having a personal life, but it is actually keeping this thread updated with fresh feshes to keep me occupied at work.

It's been almost two days. Might I remind you that performance reviews are upcoming and yours is looking bleak.

free basket of chips
Sep 7, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Oh poo poo does his name start with an l or an I

I always assumed an I

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

The Ghoul posted:

Loquacious, I know you might think your top priority is something like a job, or family, or having a personal life, but it is actually keeping this thread updated with fresh feshes to keep me occupied at work.

It's been almost two days. Might I remind you that performance reviews are upcoming and yours is looking bleak.

Quit trying to make fesh happen!

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.

free basket of chips posted:

Oh poo poo does his name start with an l or an I

I always assumed an I

It's l

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

fruit on the bottom posted:

Sounds like blackmail and abuse of authority.

Why am I not surprised that you have the worst opinion on something?

If you dont show up to work on time, youre fired.

"My boss is black mailing me!!!!! Abuse, abuse!!"- fruit on the bottom

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.
He kidnapped a kid.

buckets of buckets
Apr 8, 2012

CHECK OUT MY AWESOME POSTS
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3681373&pagenumber=114&perpage=40#post447051278

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3681373&pagenumber=91&perpage=40#post444280066

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3818944&pagenumber=196&perpage=40#post472627338

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3788178&pagenumber=405&perpage=40#post474195694

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3831643&pagenumber=5&perpage=40#post475694634
I prefer calling them nimmuses

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Jastiger posted:

If you dont show up to work on time, youre fired.

"My boss is black mailing me!!!!! Abuse, abuse!!"- fruit on the bottom

Real question: Are you terrible as an act or because you're actually a shithead?

Mycroft Holmes
Mar 26, 2010

by Azathoth
i used to think jastiger was good, given his opinions on the south, but he has now proven he is a terrible person.

Cool Dad
Jun 15, 2007

It is always Friday night, motherfuckers

Helpful tip: If you are acting like an rear end in a top hat, regardless of reason, you are in fact an rear end in a top hat. The act of pretending to be an rear end in a top hat is actually a metamorphosis.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

The Ghoul posted:

Loquacious, I know you might think your top priority is something like a job, or family, or having a personal life, but it is actually keeping this thread updated with fresh feshes to keep me occupied at work.

It's been almost two days. Might I remind you that performance reviews are upcoming and yours is looking bleak.

There actually weren't any in the queue when I checked yesterday morning, and then shortly after noon I set about the extremely important business of getting drunk at a football game with my dad. This was an extremely good game to be drunk at, but I admit that it's affected my fesh game. I'll try to step it up.

quote:

Despite being together for over 8 years, my girlfriend and I have never lived together. This is because we were both constantly alternating between having jobs and going to school. She lived with her parents, and I live on my own.
Recently, she bought an apartment.
I come over as much as my schedule allows. However, ever since she bought the place, it seems she is no longer interested in having sex. As in, whenever I attempt to instigate some carnal play, she pushes my hands away and says no. She used to say that playfully, but these days it is a serious no. And, well, no means no. So I stop.
At this point, it's been almost 3 months since we've fooled around. I started to become paranoid, thinking that she's getting some side action.
So the last time I was at her place, while she was working, I went through her drawers.
I don't know what I expected to find.
She has an IUD, and I have no STIs, so if I had found condoms, I'd know they were meant for someone else.
She has never expressed interest in butt stuff, so if I had found anal beads, there was no way they'd be meant for me to use on her.
We've never toyed with any sort of bondage, so if I found handcuffs or straps or whatever, then clearly she'd been not telling me something.
What I did find, though, was a dildo. A dildo and a photograph.
The dildo is about 6 inches long, the length of my own penis. The photograph, placed neatly underneath the device, was of me. It was a photo she had taken three years ago, when we were playing frisbee on a hot summer afternoon. I was sweating, and took my shirt off. She told me to smile as she snapped my picture.
I never felt more relieved, knowing that even though we no longer regularly have sex, I'm the one she thinks of while pleasuring herself.
That relief quickly turned to guilt. I couldn't believe that I had snooped. I had constructed a scenario in my mind where she was banging other guys, and I know now that I was completely wrong.
I want to come clean. I want to admit to her that I went through her stuff. But I know that she'll be embarrassed, and most definitely get mad at me.
Yet, nothing can compare to how mad I am at myself.
I grew up in a house where privacy was a privilege, not a right. All of my personal belongings were known to every member of my family at all times, and I promised myself I would not become like that.
But I did.

Honestly in the current thread environment of blackmail sex, taking a peek in someone's dresser feels almost tame. Don't worry yourself about it too much; do have an open and forthright discussion with your girlfriend about intimacy, because even if she does sound extremely faithful, 3 months is a long time. Try not to sound entitled, though.

quote:

My parents record Jeopardy! episodes every day. When we eat dinner, we watch it.
I answer all the questions correctly, and my folks think I'm a genius. My mom keeps telling me to apply to be on the show, because I could win hundreds of thousands of dollars.
What they don't know is that I pre-watch it by myself at night, after they've gone to bed.

oh poo poo a jeopardy cheater

somebody call the cops :mad:

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
Good twist on that last one!

free basket of chips
Sep 7, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lol jeopardy cheater

The Ghoul
Dec 8, 2011

I got a cobra for a cock and some wrought iron balls

loquacius posted:

There actually weren't any in the queue when I checked yesterday morning, and then shortly after noon I set about the extremely important business of getting drunk at a football game with my dad. This was an extremely good game to be drunk at, but I admit that it's affected my fesh game. I'll try to step it up.

Alright, son, but you're on thin ice. If the feshes don't roll in you'd best start cranking them out yourself.

Tinestram
Jan 13, 2006

Excalibur? More like "Needle"

Grimey Drawer

Also, it's pronounced "sword"

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Mycroft Holmes posted:

i used to think jastiger was good, given his opinions on the south, but he has now proven he is a terrible person.

I am still good, just being IRONICALLY funny. The best!

Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!
([Ignore me!!]

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

Jastiger posted:

Professor isnt a rapist. Sounds like adults entering into an agreement.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

quote:

The government we see on TV is just a big facade set up by the real world government. Obama was just a puppet and one in a LONG line of puppets. JFK was about to tell the truth about what goes on and then Dallas happened and THEY killed him for it. Trump is an outsider and may tell the truth too, as the constant smear campaign perpetrated by the MEDIA shows you.

The real White House is a white marble tomb buried upside down under the Pentagon. The Pentagon is an elaborate Pentagram built to contain the monster within. A mighty demon/godking named BAAL who was summoned to Earth hundreds of years ago and proceeded to conquer everything. HE is content just to rule from the SHADOWS for now and even from his marble tomb he wields power over all. CNN (Clinton News Network), MSNBC (Milord Satan News Broadcasting Channel) and all the rest are puppets of his, and they beam SATANIST SONGS at us 24/7 to lull us to sleep. But I know! Trump seems to know too. Autism is an invention of BAAL - a disease given to those who begin to see the truth, to seal them up in their own bodies. Barron Trump given the curse of the FIRSTBORN and sealed away to blackmail Donald.

Open your eyes and look. Donald is scaring the monsters in charge, knocking the bats out of the belfry! Be on the right side of history, shut off your TV and take to the streets to conquer EVIL in all its forms (Gay marriage, baby murder abortions, premarital sex, medication, feminism).

No aliens this time :(

quote:

Hi - I'm another incel goon on this forum. My confession is spurned on by the current "haha laugh at the FREAKS!" tone of the "r/incel" thread going in GBS. We do not deserve your mocking.

Men have become the disposable gender, and if you don't see that, I feel bad for you. Women don't need men any more - they have way more opportunities in the workforce, there are ways to get pregnant without a man, and media creates unrealistic expectations of what a "man" is. Girls, even at a young age, are taught to look for a big tough strong handsome rich man. How can I, how can ANYONE compete with that?

Women adore power. Hitler had a beautiful wife, and many dictators have harems of women. You see all the time about murderers on death row having women write them letters. Some even get married. How can a normal guy possibly build up that fame or power? He can't. Studies show more and more men are staying single longer, and it's due to the gender imbalance. Women have so many more rights than men nowadays. You can mock a man and laugh at him, make fun of his body. But you can't do that to a woman anymore. Sad state of affairs and it's going to doom humanity via low birth rates of smart people if we don't stop it soon.

And I've tried to pick up women before and be more sociable. I studied a lot, and watched a lot of movies and TV shows about healthy relationships. Even dug in a bit to PUA lifestyles since, despite how goofy they look, that poo poo works. But even my pickup attempts fail. Women don't want intellectual talk, they just want to know how big your dick is so they can add it to their odometer of cock. And that's not what I'm looking for.

There are way more of us out there than you think. We helped get Trump in charge so he can put a stop to this "women's liberation" poo poo. And I'm glad to see a lot of backlash against the protests on Saturday. But it's probably too late for me. I'm 38, single, and the world won't change in my lifetime.

Women manipulate, lie, cheat, and a steal. It's in their nature since caveman times. Men have the power to hunt, women had to be more cunning to survive. I don't hold it against them, but their reptilian brain still rules in most situations.

When they look at me vs a tall, strong, 7" penis man they instantly think of who gives them the most benefits. Sadly, it is not me.

I've seen this happen a lot. You watch porn enough, you realize the female performers come in all shapes and sizes. Male performers only come in one - muscular with 7"+ penis. That's the male ideal, that's all women want. We love all shapes and sizes of women, but dumb broads just want this impossible ideal.

involuntary celibacy and an insane persecution complex and general paranoia appear to have kind of a chicken/egg thing going

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
Why post that one any more than the "as a racist, I" one?

Akratic Method
Mar 9, 2013

It's going to pay off eventually--I'm sure of it.

Any day now.

quote:

Male performers only come in one - muscular

So I see this guy's never seen Ron Jeremy, then.

Danaru
Jun 5, 2012

何 ??
Oh man there's a thread making fun of /r/incels? I gotta see that

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Anne Whateley posted:

Why post that one any more than the "as a racist, I" one?

That one was 2edgy4u and an obvious troll and didn't hide it very well; this one I could see possibly as being the sincere beliefs of an extremely broken person

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free basket of chips
Sep 7, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Not getting laid is a disability now so anon may be able to get some welfare puss

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