/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Dear Reddit, I'm an unstable psychopath and my actions are having consequences, help.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:31

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# ? May 29, 2024 14:46

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

I'd have to hear the details, as I guess he could be counting a mortgage or car loans. You wouldn't generally call that personal debt though.

I have zero credit debt, but have two mortgages and two car payments that exceed 235k in debt. I do have sizable equity in both properties though.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:31

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

La Brea Carpet posted:

He has a ton of debt, but I think the dad mostly objected because THEY WERE TALKING MARRIAGE FOR A WHILE AND HE HAD NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT HIS 350K OF DEBT

Dad's gonna save him the trouble of telling her now.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:31

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

La Brea Carpet posted:

He has a ton of debt, but I think the dad mostly objected because THEY WERE TALKING MARRIAGE FOR A WHILE AND HE HAD NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT HIS 350K OF DEBT

Yeah I would :sever:

over leaving this information out for so long, it's kind of loving relevant if you're going to get married.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:32

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

quote:

My [22f] boyfriend [25m] of 3 years doesn't get me gifts, am I selfish and too materialistic?

I've always been a very thoughtful person. I love giving gifts to the people I love, and i love handmade crafts and little surprises - especially for my boyfriend. We've been together for 3 years now, and I've always got him thoughtful gifts for is birthdays and most other occasions. I always make handmade cards and have given him countless gifts that's he's shown he's really liked. (I've refrained from listing them off as I know he's a big redditor). I often times see things that I feel he'd like and go ahead and get them for him too, like snacks, candy, small pieces of clothing etc.

I know that giving gifts should never be about expecting anything in return, which i truthfully don't! But I've been feeling a bit strange about it as the years have gone by. He's told me about expensive gifts he's gotten his ex girlfriends before, and i'm stuck wondering why it seems like he's just not thoughtful enough to want to get me things. It's not like he's strapped for cash either.. He makes way more than the average amount of money, and buys things like $400 shoes for himself.

He didn't get anything for me for my birthday this year.. And he openly talked to me about how he was last minuet amazon shopping for my Christmas gifts - and didn't make the deadline for placing the order to get the 2 day shipping.

I guess I just feel a bit bummed about having never experienced stuff like getting flowers, or celebrating valentine's day, or getting 'spoiled' by your SO. And, don't get me wrong, he's gotten me some really wonderful things - mostly in the beginning months of our relationship - I just feel selfish for feeling like it's not enough. I've never expressed any of this to him either, for fear of looking shallow or ungrateful - because I love him so much and he has done so much for me in so may other ways, and i am over the moon thankful for him.

TL;DR my boyfriend isn't the thoughtful-gift-giving type, and i feel bummed out about it. Help meee, is this normal? Am I just expecting too much or being unreasonable?

Lady he's just not that into you

These are my attempts to get this thread to PULL UP.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:33

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

300k+ is a truly crazy amount of debt. At least the 90k can be discharged in bankruptcy....235k in student loans is nuts. Maybe some masters program grifted him good.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:33

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

TheScott2K posted:

Dad's gonna save him the trouble of telling her now.

Man, I thought my student loan debt was onerous at a mere 110% of my annual earnings. Dude is never ever going to pay that off.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:33

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

La Brea Carpet posted:

He has a ton of debt, but I think the dad mostly objected because THEY WERE TALKING MARRIAGE FOR A WHILE AND HE HAD NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT HIS 350K OF DEBT

Hahaha, yeah, I guess that's a bit of a :redflag:

isn't it? "Surprise, honey! We're a half million dollars in debt together!"

I checked his comments, and apparently most of that personal debt is from a single, large "personal loan". Of course, in those comments he says it's an 85k personal loan and 15k in credit card debt... which is $100,000.

What the gently caress could he have possibly needed an $85,000 loan for?

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:34

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

300k+ is a truly crazy amount of debt. At least the 90k can be discharged in bankruptcy....235k in student loans is nuts. Maybe some masters program grifted him good.

Yeah, that's medical school levels of debt.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:34

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

What the gently caress could he have possibly needed an $85,000 loan for?

Car.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:34

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Leon Einstein posted:

I'd have to hear the details, as I guess he could be counting a mortgage or car loans. You wouldn't generally call that personal debt though.

I have zero credit debt, but have two mortgages and two car payments that exceed 235k in debt. I do have sizable equity in both properties though.

In the post he said none of it was housing, it was all student loans and credit card/personal loans.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:35

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

WampaLord posted:

Car.

Lol I figured it was something that he couldn't possibly sell but this actually seems likely....gonna guess tesla.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:35

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Mirthless posted:

What the gently caress could he have possibly needed an $85,000 loan for?

Credit consolidation, I bet.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:35

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Mirthless posted:

What the gently caress could he have possibly needed an $85,000 loan for?

The engagement ring of her dreams!

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:35

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Mirthless posted:

Hahaha, yeah, I guess that's a bit of a isn't it? "Surprise, honey! We're a half million dollars in debt together!"

I checked his comments, and apparently most of that personal debt is from a single, large "personal loan". Of course, in those comments he says it's an 85k personal loan and 15k in credit card debt... which is $100,000.

What the gently caress could he have possibly needed an $85,000 loan for?

Jimmy the Hammer was going to break his legs, see.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:35

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Lol I figured it was something that he couldn't possibly sell but this actually seems likely....gonna guess tesla.

I will bet you loving anything this is it

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:36

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

TheScott2K posted:

The engagement ring of her dreams!

lol

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:37

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

TheScott2K posted:

The engagement ring of her dreams!

Even better if she said she didn't want one like in that post a billion years ago.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:37

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

Leon Einstein posted:

90k in personal debt is insane. She should run.

Also, the woman that threw the phone and keys is probably dramatic on a regular basis. I especially liked her claiming she tried to throw his phone over the river, but failed. Then failed again with the keys.

Was this the San Antonio riverwalk? I'd feel confident about getting the phone across but keys are pretty awkward aerodynamically, that was a bad decision.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:37

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

tater_salad posted:

Even better if she said she didn't want one like in that post a billion years ago.

Irrelevant.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:37

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Pick posted:

I am SURE there were no pre-existing patterns in their relationship that might have caused this to be some sort of ... how shall we say, point of tipping?

LethalGeek posted:

Purse guy is getting eviscerated on reddit btw. Only one idiot was all "pff what a drama queen" and ..I'm going to look at their history hold on.

The Donald, some pizza gate thing, and a bitcoin knock off. Yeah sounds like a real winner

quote:

In spite of everything I still love her. Aside from her crazy emotional side, she's caring, beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, a great cook, gives me massages, takes time to make me gifts. Our relationship was pretty much perfect. I can't believe she's going to throw it all away over something so stupid and petty. How do I get her to see that she's being completely irrational?

"My girlfriend dotes on me, literally waits on me hand and foot and in the time that she's not taking care of all my physical whims she makes cool poo poo for me--and she dumped me just because I told her I wouldn't hold her big dumb purse for 5 minutes?! What an irrational oval office!"

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:39

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

That she doesn't go out with him in the first place and then follows it up by being insecure and trying to cut his night short makes her sound like a sadsack tbh but you should still be courteous and update your so when you're late and such. Imo just saying he missed the bus doesn't quite cut it, "I missed the bus and will take x/y/z instead and probably get home closer to a/b/c" is the reasonable response in that situation.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:39

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Straight White Shark posted:

"My girlfriend dotes on me, literally waits on me hand and foot and in the time that she's not taking care of all my physical whims she makes cool poo poo for me--and she dumped me just because I told her I wouldn't hold her big dumb purse for 5 minutes?! What an irrational oval office!"

"in spite of everything" is what really sells it

in spite of asking me, to hold her purse one time

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:39

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Hold her purse for her once in a while if she needs you to for God's sake. It's not like some leprechaun is going to suddenly appear and call you a human being before punching you in the balls. I swear, some guys are such bitches about their masculinity.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:41

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

ArbitraryC posted:

That she doesn't go out with him in the first place and then follows it up by being insecure and trying to cut his night short makes her sound like a sadsack tbh but you should still be courteous and update your so when you're late and such. Imo just saying he missed the bus doesn't quite cut it, "I missed the bus and will take x/y/z instead and probably get home closer to a/b/c" is the reasonable response in that situation.

yeah exactly! I'm mostly just an advocate for good communication in a relationship. It's super drat important. If somebody wants to do something irrational with that communication (or despite it) that's on them, but you should still strive to be a good communicator regardless of how thick your partner is

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:42

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

quote:

Me [31F] with my BF [33 M] I'm afraid my insecurities are going to cause me to walk away from him

Hello

I used a throwaway, clearly, because I actually frequent these subs and others.

Background on my SO, who we'll call Pete. Pete and I didn't meet until almost two years ago. But, when we met I was immediately attracted to him. I found out he was a high school athlete, participating in nearly everything - track, shot put, football, baseball, and basketball. He went on to earn a scholarship to play D1 baseball at an SEC school. He was (and still is!) very attractive, had that pretty much cocky attitude (this isn't so much there anymore), and was essentially a frat boy without the frat. Partied. LOTS of hooking up with female athletes. Etc. He ended up blowing his knee out, ending his athletic career, and pretty much went straight to work.

I, myself, was not that much like him. I played sports and am extremely competitive, but I gave up most activities in lieu of showing horses by the time I was 14. I continued tennis, but horses were always the most important. I fished, hunted, ran around outside, lived in the water, etc.

He's what you would consider an older athletic build. 6'1". Great smile. Great bone structure. He doesn't do much to maintain a good weight. I'm 5'1", and slim build with.. no figure. I run, and I used to do weights which helped with the figure, but I honestly don't have the desire to get back into the meal planning and whatnot like I used to. That doesn't mean I'm not doing more, because my body is making me so unhappy. I started back doing weights three times a week the week after Thanksgiving, and only fell off that a couple of times (but made up for it with 5 and 6 hour hikes!).

The thing is, although I know I'm not inactive, I have it in my head that there is no way I could ever be a "9/10". And I use quotes because I hate the rating scale, but it's easier to explain my position that way. I feel like with plastic surgery, I could probably be a 6/10. Plastic surgery along with a 5-day a week trainer, perfect meal plan, etc, maybe an 8/10. But I'll never be a 5'10" model.

It probably doesn't help that his ex was a chivette. A 5'10" chivette, who DID get plastic surgery, was all legs, college basketball star (D3), very fashionable, wears cake face (no hate, along with everything else I suck at makeup), etc. She's freaking gorgeous. GORGEOUS. I feel like he's settling for me. I realize she did horrible things to him emotionally, but I also really, truly feel like if someone significantly hotter came along, which I don't think is highly unlikely, I don't know if I could blame him for walking away from me. It crushes me to think about losing him. But it also crushes me to think that he could get someone so much more on his level, and I feel like everyone sees it when we're together. To be honest, I'm only working out for him. It's not to look good for anyone else. I got used to wearing looser fits when I was at 118. I was okay with that. I can go back to it, no problem.

The rare time I tell him I'm going for a run or going to the gym, he asks why, and tells me I look good as I am. Last weekend in particular, he gave me a little nose boop and told me I was "so pretty", and then jokingly told me that "if you weren't so cute I'd punch you in the face" (which, is how we joke around. Phony threats of throat, face, or crotch punches are not rare from either of us.) So, he compliments me, and I believe that he thinks I'm cute - I'm just scared I'm not attractive enough.

I don't push my insecurities on him, though. In other words, I don't feel like random women are a threat, I don't worry when he goes on work trips or trips home to see the family that he's going to run off an cheat on me; I really do trust him. This is me and my problem. But I'm afraid that I'm holding back so much, that I freeze up when it comes to getting ready for an event, that I won't let him take pictures of us together because of how I look... I'm afraid I'm going to lose him.

How do I deal with this? How do I know if I really am as unattractive as I think I am, or if I'm not? This is really getting to me, y'all.

tl;dr I have extreme insecurities about my appearance, so much so that I'm afraid my boyfriend deserves better, and may find it, or I may make myself a basketcase and end it for his sake. How do I know if I really am that unattractive?

1.) Get therapy
2.) What the gently caress is a chivette?

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:42

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

La Brea Carpet posted:

1.) Get therapy
2.) What the gently caress is a chivette?

Googling it, a pinup girl on a humor website

Seriously though if that's what she's comparing herself to I can see why she's insecure. She should :therapy:

before her insecurity fucks up a relationship with somebody who sounds like a pretty awesome dude.

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 21:45 on Jan 25, 2017

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:43

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

Pick posted:

"in spite of everything" is what really sells it

in spite of asking me, to hold her purse one time

I know this guy's a loser, I've held purses jackets, clothes while she looks at other clothes, and I don't stand around all redfaced thinking that all of the sudden "the gays" are going to start trying to run their cock into my rear end instantly. I would hold her poo poo even before I was getting meals cooked and back rubs.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:43

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

My [24F] husband [26M] is in the military. He lied to our son [3M] and told him he was home for good knowing full well he was leaving to be stationed at a base on the other side of the country.Non-Romantic
submitted 5 hours ago by 4tu4384u4f09ewjigh8e

quote:

I've never used Reddit before, I'm incredibly stressed. My son just turned three 2 days ago. I'm pregnant with twin girls and I'm dealing with my husbands lies. He's upset our son so much that he wants me to help him write a letter to Batman, asking him to beat up whoever is in charge of the military and all the presidents of the US. His logic is, if Santa is real then Batman is real.
My husband lied to him and told him he's not going away again. Knowing full well that he was just a couple of weeks later. Now he's upset and not really eating anything. My husband leaves tomorrow and he's not wanting to deal with it. He's said he was sorry, that's literally what he said. "I'm sorry" only once and left it at that. He's leaving me to deal with the fall out.
I'm not happy. I have not been happy for a while. I think this is the straw that has really broken the camels back. I want a divorce because this is how the story goes. He always creates drama and then his work takes him away. How do I tackle this
TL;DR: Husband lied to son about not going away. He's upset and I want a divorce.

Definitely help your kid write the Batman letter, that kid owns

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:45

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

TheScott2K posted:

Hold her purse for her once in a while if she needs you to for God's sake. It's not like some leprechaun is going to suddenly appear and call you a human being before punching you in the balls. I swear, some guys are such bitches about their masculinity.

If this did actually happen, I'd be ready and waiting for that little Irish shitlord after the fourth or fifth time.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:46

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

lol if you're 30 and still refer to individual college sports divisions

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:46

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

I love it when people use hyper-specific terms like "chivette" and just assume the world at large is supposed to know what that is.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:47

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Antivehicular posted:

My [24F] husband [26M] is in the military. He lied to our son [3M] and told him he was home for good knowing full well he was leaving to be stationed at a base on the other side of the country.Non-Romantic
submitted 5 hours ago by 4tu4384u4f09ewjigh8e

Definitely help your kid write the Batman letter, that kid owns

Christ, I don't know how anyone can be a military spouse

What a lovely thing to do, come home, stir the pot and leave.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:47

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

lol you're human and care about organized sports in any capacity.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:48

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

his ex was like a D1 body with a D3 face and Big East Boobies, it's like the 1982 fiesta bowl all over again

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:49

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

La Brea Carpet posted:

1.) Get therapy
2.) What the gently caress is a chivette?

You got to know when enough is enough. Obsessing about beauty is a dangerous road to take.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:49

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

TheScott2K posted:

some guys are such bitches about their masculinity.

This is so fantastically well-phrased. :golfclap:

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:49

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

lol the comments on the phone/key thrower thread are all equating her to a wifebeater

don't gently caress with Reddit's phones

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:50

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Mirthless posted:

Christ, I don't know how anyone can be a military spouse

What a lovely thing to do, come home, stir the pot and leave.

Yeah, the dude sounds like a straight-up shithead, especially given that he's openly lying to his 3-year-old.

On the subject of shithead dads:

My [26F] husband [28M] always leaves it up to me to tell our kids (3M, 3M, 5F) No. Then likes to call me the party pooperNon-Romantic
submitted 11 hours ago by Husbandisbeog

quote:

I don't know how much more of my husband I can take. He never tells the kids no. The latest incident is the one I will be covering.
The twins saw their father playing a new video game. The resident evil one that just came out either today or yesterday. I'm not a gamer but I saw a pretty graphic scene involving a shovel. It would scar little children for life in my opinion. It's something kids should never see. He wanted to let the twins stay in the living room while he played. Despite the fact they were watching him do it. I came in and told them to go to their rooms and play with their toys. They started to throw a tantrum and my husband was just no help. He called me a party pooper and then they started to call me it.My daughter then wanted to have the ice cream, she just had some and wanted Alex (one of the twins) who does not want any. He's not the biggest fan of ice cream, he likes icy poles. She had enough and I told her no she can have some tomorrow. He again tells me I'm being a buzz joy.
tl;dr: My husband always paints me as the bad guy and calls me things like Buzz joy and party pooper. If it were not for me he would let the kids get away with everything. How do I deal with him?

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:50

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# ? May 29, 2024 14:46

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Being division-specific is weird. Just cite the conference, we'll infer the division.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:50

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