Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

«‹›572 »

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

therapist bae, so what

# ? Jan 31, 2017 16:10

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 21:46

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I have started challenging guys at work to a "body slam challenge", where we try to body slam each other. I've maxed out at body slamming a 250 lb guy.

My confession is I am deeply, deeply, DEEPLY in the closet and getting to touch men like this is the closest I'll come to publicly admitting my homosexuality.

yeah uh dude if the "body slam challenge" is the closest you can get to intimate human contact it might be time to :therapy:

My bad advice is to just get a secret Grindr account like all the other deeply-closeted gay guys in the world. Not only will you have an outlet that doesn't involve literally body-slamming your coworkers (and crawling backwards out of the room while meowing afterward), it'll probably make it easier to embrace your sexuality in the long run.

quote:

Less than a decade ago, I was a happily married man with a 3 year old daughter. I lived in a small town, ran my own business, and was truly happy. Today I live on the other side of the country, am alone, and haven't seen my child since the night of January 28th, 2009.

We had a really terrible snow storm that night. Worst storm I'd seen in a long time. Freezing cold, and there was nearly 3 feet of snow by the time I got home from work. My wife was a stay at home mom at this point, and she welcomed me home with a hot cup of coffee and a bowl of soup. It was going to be a rough night, but I was exactly where I wanted to be.

Around 7 pm, there was a knock on the door. A man driving through town, his car got stuck and he saw the lights on in our house. I have always been a bit distrustful of people - at the time I considered it a fault of mine, but my wife was very open and sociable. We discussed it a bit and we let him in to call his wife, let them know what happened, and we let him spend the night on our couch. At least until the plow trucks went through. I took his ID and carefully studied it, again, my nature to not trust people. I told him I'd give him his ID back in the morning, just to be safe. He seemed fine with this.

I decided to stay up all night, just to be safe. My wife took our daughter into our bedroom and, at my insistence, locked the door. I stayed in the kitchen drinking coffee and keeping one eye on our visitor. Again, just to be safe. I could go in to work a bit late tomorrow, hell, I didn't think anybody would really mind if the print shop opened up a bit late.

At some point my eyes got heavy. My head dipped a bit and I fell asleep. I regret this every single day and constantly berate myself for being so weak.

I woke up to the freezing air blowing in the kitchen door, a small pile of snow already forming on the tile floor. I knew something was wrong right away and ran upstairs. The bedroom door had been kicked in, splintered wood scattered everywhere.

Pool of blood on the bed. My wife laying there face down. No daughter to be seen.

I called 911, barely holding it together. I still had his ID and start incoherently rambling about things. My wife was dead, had been dead for a while. The police started searching for the man. I'll spare you the ups and downs I felt for the next 2 weeks - the ID was fake, none of it could be matched with anyone, and the man left no prints in our house. He disappeared with my child after having murdered my wife.

I moved away right after the funeral. There were far too many memories, far too many dreams and nightmares echoing in the walls of that house.

I still want to find that man. I will kill him, if I ever do.

This short work of fiction was titled "Faustian Pact," so I was expecting Satan to enter the narrative at some point, but oddly enough he never did

# ? Jan 31, 2017 16:32

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Bubblyblubber posted:

therapist bae, so what

LOL

# ? Jan 31, 2017 16:39

Durzel: Nov 15, 2005

Tolkien minority posted:

lmao yeah the loser goon in his imd 30s should totally cancel on the hot therapist lady who wants to bang him because "its unprofessional"

Or virgins could be her kink.

Either way the outcome is unlikely to be positive or productive for the goon with an actual psychological issue big enough to warrant therapy (good job on identifying the need for it and following through).

# ? Jan 31, 2017 16:50

rezatahs: Jun 9, 2001; by Smythe

loquacius posted:

This short work of fiction was titled "Faustian Pact," so I was expecting Satan to enter the narrative at some point, but oddly enough he never did

i'm sure you can expect more exciting installments of this riveting tale

# ? Jan 31, 2017 16:57

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

loquacius posted:

This short work of fiction was titled "Faustian Pact," so I was expecting Satan to enter the narrative at some point, but oddly enough he never did

If you just want to write bad fiction and get strangers to read it, why not take it somewhere where people want to do that? Like nanowrimo or whatever. You could get feedback other than people calling you a liar.

Also if someone was willing to murder your wife to kidnap your child they would have killed you, too, because you saw his face, and probably would have murdered you to begin with to make sure you don't interfere. And what kind of stranger drives around in a storm with a fake ID, ready to give it to someone so he can take their daughter? Did he plan this ahead of time? Did he bring a gun or improvise a weapon? How did he get through the locked door? What I'm saying is you suck at writing fiction.

# ? Jan 31, 2017 17:01

rezatahs: Jun 9, 2001; by Smythe

it's been a thing for a while now that the nerds in creative convention drop some creative steamers in the anonymous confession threads

# ? Jan 31, 2017 17:05

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Isn't that just a Nick Cave song?

# ? Jan 31, 2017 17:50

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

rezatahs posted:

it's been a thing for a while now that the nerds in creative convention drop some creative steamers in the anonymous confession threads

I wish they wouldn't. They're never entertaining.

# ? Jan 31, 2017 17:54

GIANT OUIJA BOARD: Aug 22, 2011; 177 Years of Your Dick
All
Night
Non
Stop

food court bailiff posted:

Isn't that just a Nick Cave song?

Yes.

# ? Jan 31, 2017 21:39

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

That murder story doesn't even hold up to even the most basic logic. How could there be no prints on the ID? It was snowing so he could have been wearing gloves, but have you ever tried to get your ID out of the wallet with thick snow gloves? Was he wearing them when he put it in the wallet too? How did he sleep through the inevitable screaming and bashing as the door was kicked in? Honestly if it really happened, if I were the police and I heard that story the husband would be my #1 suspect and I would be searching the guy's properties for where he stashed his daughter, not looking for some mystery man.

# ? Jan 31, 2017 21:56

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

If this were a series about a grizzled badass who joins an eccentric billionaire to go after the bad guys that the system doesn't catch, then this would be his tragic backstory revealed in the first mid season finale.

# ? Jan 31, 2017 21:59

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

food court bailiff posted:

Isn't that just a Nick Cave song?

Yes, it's Song of Joy but written in a lovely manner.

# ? Jan 31, 2017 22:03

Cool Dad: Jun 15, 2007; It is always Friday night, motherfuckers

fruit on the bottom posted:

If this were a series about a grizzled badass who joins an eccentric billionaire to go after the bad guys that the system doesn't catch, then this would be his tragic backstory revealed in the first mid season finale.

I've been watching this show, it's pretty good.

# ? Jan 31, 2017 22:05

text me a vag pic: May 18, 2007

yeah I eat rear end posted:

That murder story doesn't even hold up to even the most basic logic. How could there be no prints on the ID? It was snowing so he could have been wearing gloves, but have you ever tried to get your ID out of the wallet with thick snow gloves? Was he wearing them when he put it in the wallet too? How did he sleep through the inevitable screaming and bashing as the door was kicked in? Honestly if it really happened, if I were the police and I heard that story the husband would be my #1 suspect and I would be searching the guy's properties for where he stashed his daughter, not looking for some mystery man.

I burned my fingerprints off long before I handed this dude the ID you idiot

# ? Feb 1, 2017 00:24

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

I'm pretty sure the drifter was supposed to be a demon, hence the whole faustian thing. Also I'm pretty sure I read the exact same plot a dozen times (wife dead, child kidnapped, mad dad, demon laughing) but I can't think of a single example

# ? Feb 1, 2017 00:26

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

Danaru posted:

I'm pretty sure the drifter was supposed to be a demon, hence the whole faustian thing. Also I'm pretty sure I read the exact same plot a dozen times (wife dead, child kidnapped, mad dad, demon laughing) but I can't think of a single example

Yes

quote:

Have mercy on me, sir
Allow me to impose on you
I have no place to stay
And my bones are cold right through
I will tell you a story
Of a man and his family
And I swear that it is true
Ten years ago I met a girl named Joy
She was a sweet and happy thing
Her eyes were bright blue jewels
And we were married in the spring
I had no idea what happiness and little love could bring
Or what life had in store
But all things move toward their end
All things move toward their their end
On that you can be sure

Then one morning I awoke to find her weeping
And for many days to follow
She grew so sad and lonely
Became Joy in name only
Within her breast there launched an unnamed sorrow
And a dark and grim force set sail
Farewell happy fields
Where joy forever dwells
* Hail horrors hail *
Was it an act of contrition or some awful premonition
As if she saw into the heart of her final blood-soaked night
Those lunatic eyes, that hungry kitchen knife
Ah, I see sir, that I have your attention!
Well, could it be?
How often I've asked that question
Well, then in quick succession
We had babies, one, two, three
We called them Hilda, Hattie and Holly
They were their mother's children
Their eyes were bright blue jewels
And they were quiet as a mouse
There was no laughter in the house
No, not from Hilda, Hattie or Holly
"No wonder", people said, "poor mother Joy's so melancholy"
Well, one night there came a visitor to our little home
I was visiting a sick friend
I was a doctor then
Joy and the girls were on their own

Joy had been bound with electrical tape
In her mouth a gag
She'd been stabbed repeatedly
And stuffed into a sleeping bag
In their very cots my girls were robbed of their lives
Method of murder much the same as my wife's
Method of murder much the same as my wife's
It was midnight when I arrived home
Said to the police on the telephone
Someone's taken four innocent lives
They never caught the man
He's still on the loose
It seems he has done many many more
Quotes John Milton on the walls in the victim's blood
The police are investigating at tremendous cost
In my house he wrote "his red right hand"
That, I'm told is from Paradise Lost
The wind round here gets wicked cold
But my story is nearly told
I fear the morning will bring quite a frost
And so I've left my home
I drift from land to land
I am upon your step and you are a family man
Outside the vultures wheel
The wolves howl, the serpents hiss
And to extend this small favour, friend
Would be the sum of earthly bliss
Do you reckon me a friend?
The sun to me is dark
And silent as the moon
Do you, sir, have a room?
Are you beckoning me in?

# ? Feb 1, 2017 00:29

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

Life is short therapy goon; go for it and smash hard.
She's probably gonna steal your kidneys though so don't be suprised

# ? Feb 1, 2017 00:53

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

Goon on dialysis.
Doesn't matter.
Had sex.

# ? Feb 1, 2017 12:46

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

the anxiety is going to stop your dick working and you'll not gently caress the therapist especially now i've posted this

# ? Feb 1, 2017 12:51

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

When I was a little boy I had a really vivid imagination. I liked to imagine this old mirror in my grandma's basement was a doorway to a mirror universe full of magic, beautiful princesses to save, and evil monsters to kill. I'd spend hours in the basement making castles out of boxes and pretending to be a mighty hero.

On these journeys I made friends with a powerful wizard named Elecrun who could command electricity. I was 7 years old, I wasn't the most creative at naming things. Elecrun and I would fight off hordes of monsters, research potions together, and became the greatest heroes that Mirror Land had ever seen. I still remember the vow Elecrun and I made to each other - No Matter How Great the Evil, Friends Always Unite. I wrote it on a wooden shield I'd run around with.

One day my grandma was out shopping and, while the house was empty, somebody broke in.

When my grandma got home, the robber's car was still parked along the back of the house, with some of her stuff in the trunk and back seat. Terrified, she called police. While she waited, nobody came out of the house. The cops showed up and cautiously headed inside. The guy was apparently still in the process of stealing things - the back door was still open, things were in disarray, but he was nowhere to be found. Until they headed in to the basement.

There was a corpse standing in the corner, charred hands shoved into the drywall and wrapped around some live wires. This was the guy who was trying to rob grandma - for some reason he decided to try pulling out the copper wires, at least that's what the police figured. He either forgot to turn off the breaker or didn't know that was a thing. But the rest of the operation was pretty well done, so it seemed like a major idiotic move to just start tearing in to the wall to grab wires.

Mom didn't tell me the story for a while. When we went over to grandma's the next time I wasn't allowed in the basement (it was still being cleaned, repaired and aired out), and I starting whining about wanting to play with the mirror. When, years later, mom finally told me the whole story, I felt very weird.

I am not in any way saying my childhood imaginary friend was real, or somehow became real, or had anything to do with stopping that robber. But it still makes me think.

quote:

Therapy goon here. She texted me this morning. Actually, she texted me two times. The first one was that she can't make the appointment on Wednesday but would like to see me on Friday afternoon if that was ok for me. About half an hour later I got another message (I didn't see the first one at that point, I don't check my phone often, nobody ever messages me) which detailed that she really thinks we need to talk "about everything" but that she can understand if I don't want to see her again and will respect it if I do not want any contact. She does think though that no matter what I should continue therapy and she could refer me to a colleague and also make sure I'll get a better spot in his waiting list. She then said that she really hopes to see me on Friday and asked that I reply if I am ok with this.

I really do want to talk about this to her so I replied that I'll see her on Friday, I got a "see you on Friday, thank you" nearly instantly as response.

I want to make clear that I'm not in love with her or anything like that. I was hurt way, way too often to just fall in love like that for a kiss. I barely even know her really. I do find her attractive, though. She's the pale, blonde, blue-eyed, petite kind of woman, which also means that I'm sure I could defend myself if she makes me uncomfortable. I am many things, "petite" is not one of them. I also don't plan on reporting her to anyone or tell anybody. I am very aware what she did was unprofessional and inappropriate, but I want to at least talk about it. I understand people make mistakes, I made a lot of those myself in my life. I can keep you guys posted if you're interested. Here's hoping I don't get raped and/or murdered on Friday!

You won't, chill out on that front. But yeah do tell us what happens!

# ? Feb 1, 2017 14:41

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

Lady showed interest in me for once, I am probably going to be raped.

# ? Feb 1, 2017 14:44

necroid: May 14, 2009

bring a speaker and put this on without breaking eye contact

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjlSiASsUIs

# ? Feb 1, 2017 14:50

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

I too evaluate women on the basis of whether or not I could take them down.

# ? Feb 1, 2017 14:51

necroid: May 14, 2009

tactlessbastard posted:

I too evaluate women on the basis of whether or not I could take them down.

lol yeah that came outta nowhere

# ? Feb 1, 2017 14:53

Stickfigure: Sep 4, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

A guy I used to work with liked the motto "Doht gently caress what you can't curl"

# ? Feb 1, 2017 14:56

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

a guy gotta has to defend his kidneys

I'm willing to bet that she's gonna call off her therapist/client relationship with him. She's aware she crossed a line from there's no turning back point. Good on her to not be even more unprofessional. Wonder why she moved the date, though Maybe because of the black organ market surgical crew.

Police Automaton fucked around with this message at 15:03 on Feb 1, 2017

# ? Feb 1, 2017 15:01

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Yeah, keep us posted. Also once your professional relationship is over you can start dating her! It'll be just like that other goon who's boss sexually harassed him at work!

# ? Feb 1, 2017 15:54

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

She's going to put an end to it. Doing it on a Friday so it's her last appointment and doesn't make a scene in front of other patients

# ? Feb 1, 2017 16:02

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Well yeah, obviously. Couldn't she still get in deep poo poo if they report this to whatever ethics committee oversees therapists?

This goon could turn their therapy problems into their therapy opportunities!

# ? Feb 1, 2017 16:44

Disproportionate Orphan: Apr 17, 2009

She's making it her last appointment on a Friday so she can turn the lights down low and make sweet love to him with as much noise as she wants.

# ? Feb 1, 2017 16:52

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

In the years I was self employed, my boss sexually assaulted me at work nearly constantly

Even if he wanted to report her, it's pretty much his word (an unemployed thirtysomething with mental issues warranting therapy) against hers. If such a report didn't happen before I somehow doubt much will come of it if she just denies everything. In such things men tend to have the worse cards. It's just the way it is.

E: Thinking of it, even with reversed genders, I doubt much would happen

Police Automaton fucked around with this message at 17:06 on Feb 1, 2017

# ? Feb 1, 2017 16:54

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

Police Automaton posted:

In the years I was self employed, my boss sexually assaulted me at work nearly constantly

Are you trying to say you masturbated against your will or something?

# ? Feb 1, 2017 16:55

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Disproportionate Orphan posted:

She's making it her last appointment on a Friday so she can turn the lights down low and make sweet love to him with as much noise as she wants.

I'd like to change my answer to this

# ? Feb 1, 2017 16:59

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

therapy goon is going to get erectile disfunction and not be able to gently caress

hire a hooker instead

# ? Feb 1, 2017 17:15

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

The Management posted:

She's going to put an end to the waiting. Doing it on a Friday so it's her last appointment and they can go straight to her place after she closes up shop

# ? Feb 1, 2017 17:20

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Good luck therapy goon, I hope you have sex

# ? Feb 1, 2017 17:21

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Go get her, therapy man

# ? Feb 1, 2017 18:08

Unbelievably Fat Man: Jun 1, 2000; Innocent people. I could never hurt innocent people.

As a man who had immense trouble getting tail in my early 20's I found starting off with a horrible disfunctional relationship was exactly what I needed. I strongly advise you to hit that poo poo to get it over with and find another therapist.

# ? Feb 1, 2017 18:42

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 21:46

Viruswithshoes: Mar 26, 2007

Unbelievably Fat Man posted:

As a man who had immense trouble getting tail in my early 20's I found starting off with a horrible disfunctional relationship was exactly what I needed. I strongly advise you to hit that poo poo to get it over with and find another therapist.

Best post/username combo ever

# ? Feb 1, 2017 20:40

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

«‹›572 »