- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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It's literally a hormone thing, and a teenager's body is like a Geiger counter that never stops screaming.
Thank you, this is poetry.
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Feb 1, 2017 22:01
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May 9, 2024 04:06
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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It's literally a hormone thing, and a teenager's body is like a Geiger counter that never stops screaming.
what it's detecting is sex, and it's nearly always wrong
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Feb 1, 2017 22:02
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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My (18/M) body naturally reacted to a shoulder rub that one of my friends (18/F) gave me. I'm worried she saw it.
Idiot kid thinks he violated her and that "she wouldn't appreciate that line of thinking" when replies a girl giving him a shoulder rub might consider touching his penis. OP then declares "asexual!" like that somehow makes him less pathetic.
This story should be crossposted in r/incels; They'd throw a fit.
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Feb 1, 2017 22:03
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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This story should be crossposted in r/incels; They'd throw a fit.
Would they be mad at the girl, or would they be mad that this Chad is getting all this hot action and completely wasting his chad boner that could be getting all the stacey it could ever ask for?
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Feb 1, 2017 22:07
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- TheScott2K
- Oct 26, 2003
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I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.
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Would they be mad at the girl, or would they be mad that this Chad is getting all this hot action and completely wasting his chad boner that could be getting all the stacey it could ever ask for?
I want to find out but I don't want to go there.
Go find out.
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Feb 1, 2017 22:08
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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it's every city, IDK whether there's some nefarious social pressure convincing women that the most desirable traits in the world are a love of wine, travel, and Game of Thrones or that's really just as close as 95% of people really get to being interesting but yeah
LIVE LAUGH LOVE
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Feb 1, 2017 22:13
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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Would they be mad at the girl, or would they be mad that this Chad is getting all this hot action and completely wasting his chad boner that could be getting all the stacey it could ever ask for?
Both.
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Feb 1, 2017 22:38
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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They would be outraged at the entire situation and probably claim the dude was just making stuff up to troll them.
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Feb 1, 2017 22:40
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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evvery man wants sex from evvry woman and nothing else because girls are gross
in fact loving a girl is like the part of indiana jones and the temple of doom where the spielberg's wife has to reach her hand into the goopy hole of scorpions so that she can pull a lever and the lever is 'i'll have had teh sex and then the other guys on 9gag wont be allowed to make fun of me'
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Feb 1, 2017 22:45
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- WAY TO GO WAMPA!!
- Oct 27, 2007
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I think my friend [31/M] and his wife[30/F] are swingers/have an open marriagequote:My buddy/coworker got married to his wife about 2 years ago and they seem to have a good marriage, but I keep seeing this reoccurring theme. She always comes in to our job (Bar) and is talking to a bunch of dudes IN FRONT OF HIM, she is extremely attractive and so many dudes talk to her thinking that she is going home with them, only her to introduce her husband.
On the otherhand, I constantly see him with other Women at the same time, albeit not being as flirtatious as his wife, but still you can tell there is something going on.
I even tested this hypothesis the other day. She came in the other day, I always try to say hi, but I never go past a friendly hello just to keep my self from being injected into the situation, but I go " Hey! Good to see you *********" and she grabbed my arm and looked me in the eyes saying "I am doing good, great to see you!" With a sexy undertone. I wasn't even trying to flirt with her, I just wanted to see if what I was seeing was real. I wanted to ask my buddy, but its his personal business and whatever they have arranged is on them, but I can't help wonder how and why?
Tl;dr. Think my buddy might have an open marriage. Wife flirts with everyone, but their marriage seems to be in decent shape. What is going on here?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
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Feb 1, 2017 23:06
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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evvery man wants sex from evvry woman and nothing else because girls are gross
in fact loving a girl is like the part of indiana jones and the temple of doom where the spielberg's wife has to reach her hand into the goopy hole of scorpions so that she can pull a lever and the lever is 'i'll have had teh sex and then the other guys on 9gag wont be allowed to make fun of me'
accurate
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Feb 1, 2017 23:11
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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I think my friend [31/M] and his wife[30/F] are swingers/have an open marriage
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
I'll tell ya what it means, MIND YA OWN drat BUSINESS
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Feb 1, 2017 23:12
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vqb9uC31Bk
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Feb 1, 2017 23:14
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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This is true; I've seen inside women's restrooms.
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Feb 1, 2017 23:19
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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quote:
I (26 F) woke up to my fiancé (28 M) masturbating in the middle of the night
My fiancé and I have a wonderful, happy, healthy relationship. We have been together for 3 years and moved in together in August. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night to him masturbating. This is the second time this has happened. It makes me very uncomfortable (I come from a religious background). Both times I have turned over and pretended to be asleep. I have not spoken to him about it. I am not sure how to feel about it. Am I not pleasing him? Is there something I could be doing differently? How to I bring up the situation without making it awkward or uncomfortable?
We have a healthy sex life. We have sex 1 to 2 times a week. He tells me this is enough and he is happy with it. He is the only partner I have had.
TLDR fiancé is masturbating in the middle of the night and I'm not sure how to handle it.
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Feb 1, 2017 23:21
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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quote:I come from a religious background
You don't say!
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Feb 1, 2017 23:24
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- Zelder
- Jan 4, 2012
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Chop off the offending wiener, code of hammurabai style
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Feb 1, 2017 23:24
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- MF_James
- May 8, 2008
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I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE
INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE
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Here are some good options:
1) Next time, just grab his dick and tell him "No, BAD husband"
2) Grab it and start jerking it for him
3) Suck it instead
4) Sex
5) You know, ask him about it, maybe he had trouble sleeping?
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Feb 1, 2017 23:25
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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normally the 'shocking realization other people masturbate' ones are gold but yeah there's something kinda weird and unnerving about silently cranking away right next to a sleeping partner
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Feb 1, 2017 23:26
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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Look if I wake up at 2am with a boner thinking "if I came real quick I'd fall right back asleep" I'm not gonna crawl outta bed to go to the living room to jerk off in the cold.
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Feb 1, 2017 23:27
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- Zelder
- Jan 4, 2012
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normally the 'shocking realization other people masturbate' ones are gold but yeah there's something kinda weird and unnerving about silently cranking away right next to a sleeping partner
I prefer to loudly crank away next to a sleeping partner
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Feb 1, 2017 23:29
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I prefer to loudly crank away next to a sleeping partner
yours?
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Feb 1, 2017 23:31
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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I prefer to loudly crank away next to a sleeping partner
attaboy
A girl (around 24F) at my gym asked me (24M) out for valentine's day today. Should I tell her about my loose skin?
quote:Over the last 3 years I lost 143 lbs and put on a nice amount of muscle to build a nice looking body. The carryover from my days being overweight is my loose skin..I have less than lots of other people I've seen but it's still there. I've also gotten really good at covering it up.
Today an absolutely beautiful girl from my gym asked me out for valentine's day. Of course I said yes. But I'm somewhat nervous about my skin. More than that, I've never been on a date or even kissed a girl before.
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Feb 1, 2017 23:32
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- LGD
- Sep 25, 2004
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attaboy
A girl (around 24F) at my gym asked me (24M) out for valentine's day today. Should I tell her about my loose skin?
That seems like pretty classic burying the lede
good for him though
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Feb 1, 2017 23:34
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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sad one:
quote:My[27F] already stressed, perfectionist, workaholic boyfriend[29M] lost half his family in an accident. He is having a meltdown.Relationships
185 points 41 comments submitted 2 years ago by mrblitzkrieg to /r/relationships
Hello Reddit. I'm here because I feel useless in the situation that I have been put in.
First there's something you need to know about my boyfriend, Nate. We met through mutual friends and instantly hit it off at a party. I had to take the first few steps so I asked him out and we went on a couple more dates and have been exclusive since then.
Now, even though it is left unsaid and hasn't been addressed, I have always known that I have always been more emotionally involved than him. He's, I kinda don't want to use the word 'cold' here, but something like that. Steely is more like it. He doesn't show emotions as easily. I've never seen him cry or even too angry.
That brings me to his perfectionism. This is something I have accepted. The way he takes care of himself, everything he does for fun or work, he does perfectly. It gets annoying sometimes but its sometimes a good quality too. The good thing is that he doesn't impose his attitude on me.
He has a very stressful job. He calls it 'challenging'. But its mentally exhausting and I know that there's always pressure on him. Recently, because some other employees have been laid off the pressure on him has increased tenfold. So, he's always thinking about work. He's a workaholic by nature and that goes hand in hand with his perfectionist way of life.
He is pretty successful for his age, he had a pretty good life. He has a lovely apartment, a stable job with a good future. He has a great social circle, and I try to be the best girlfriend I can be. We have an honest relationship and for the one year that I have been involved in it, I have loved ever single minute of it. However, I still felt like I could get to know him better on an emotional level.
3 days ago, he received a call from his sister telling him that his mother, his father and his younger brother who were coming back from college were involved in a car crash. They were coming back late and hit another van. His parents didn't make it, his brother was in the back. He was in coma but passed away too.
He got this call at work, he came back and told me. He still had a straight face and I thought he still had it together, it seemed to be. I hugged him and told him that I'm here if he needs me, he said that he'll be leaving in 5 days to meet his sister. He said that he'd like some time alone. I broke down myself because I had met his parents and his brother. They were wonderful people. I told him that I was there for him no matter what 24X7 but honestly, having never dealt with loss myself, I had no idea how to help him.
Today morning, not having heard from him I went to his place. I texted him but got no reply. I called but still nothing. I was worried. I knocked on the door for 4 minutes. He then said from the other side that he'll freshen up and meet me at this restaurant we love to go to for lunch. From his tone itself I could feel that something went terribly wrong. I asked him to please just let me in.
He opened the door. He hadn't changed since 3 days. He looked like he hadn't showered either. He was scruffy. I hugged him and we just stood like that for a while. I went inside and everything was a mess. Broken furniture, glass everywhere, curtains off. He clearly had had a meltdown.
I asked him how he was doing. He said in a forced tone that he was fine. That he had taken the day off. That his company had allowed him the day off but he still had to handle his clients from home. Right then he got a call from who I suppose was another client. I could hear that the guy on the other end was clearly shouting and Nate was clearly angry. He went over to his computer, opened an email, told the guy on the phone something and the guy shouted some more, then Nate picks up a hard drive on his desk and throws it against the wall and cuts off the call saying "FINE. I'LL GET IT DONE BY TOMORROW".
Then I can clearly see that there are tears streaming down his face and he kindly asks me to leave because he doesn't want me to see him like this.
Now I know him and I knew that he wanted me gone then so I just went over to him kissed him and left him and told him again that I was there for him when he needed me.
I'm sitting here and I have no clue on what to do. I love him and I hated seeing him like that. Moreover I know that his situation is terrible because he LOVED his family and was really close to them. Especially his brother. Also the way he his right now, he hates himself. I could feel that. Messy hair, shabby clothing, hosed apartment, him crying, him falling back on his job, I could FEEL the internal conflict. AND I WANT TO HELP HIM.
tl;dr: Already stressed, perfectionist, workaholic boyfriend of a year lost half his family in an accident and he is having a complete meltdown.
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Feb 1, 2017 23:47
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- Mezzanon
- Sep 16, 2003
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Pillbug
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Edit: ^^^ Holy poo poo
Look, I was a teenager once too, and I distinctly recall boners happening for absolutely no loving reason.
I *promise* that I did not find Trigonometry erotic.
I used to get boners at 9:15 AM no matter what was going on in my life.
Seriously, he had a girl the same age as him making skin to skin contact, that boner has a pretty identifiable cause
Also this.
Mezzanon fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Feb 2, 2017
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Feb 1, 2017 23:52
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Honestly that's a pretty mild breakdown considering his situation. I'm surprised he didn't just kill himself.
E: OMG hahahahahahaha
My (43f) husband (45m) wants to "take in" a young girl (22f) and allow her to live with us until she's back on her feet. He doesn't understand why I find it weird. Am I in the wrong?
quote:I have been married to him for 10years and we've been together even longer than that.. And I love him to death. He's never given me reason to worry about him cheating, and he still treats me like I'm the most important thing in the world to him.
He came to me however, saying his best friend told him about a young girl a few months back, and she had been through a lot of issues in her home life, and had essentially ran off with some guy and then they broke up, and she's homeless. His best friend has a few kids so he said he wasn't comfortable letting her stay with him, and asked if my husband would do that.
She's 22 and working on her GED to get a job, but currently has no money and no friends or family. I met her and she's very sweet and I wouldn't mind helping her at all, but letting her live with us seems weird. I don't know. I figured Id get some outside opinions?
Also I will admit..being in my 40s might have something to do with me having an issue with a 20something living with us. I know that's dumb and it's insecurity but I can't help it. Tl;dr; husband met a young girl who has no money and nowhere to live. Wants her to live with us but I feel uncomfortable and he doesn't understand. Am I in the wrong?
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Feb 1, 2017 23:54
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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Pay for a hotel room for a few months, the motel 6s and whatever will give different rates if you're trying to live there for a while. If homie insists she live with them then it is def weird.
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Feb 1, 2017 23:59
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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Honestly that's a pretty mild breakdown considering his situation. I'm surprised he didn't just kill himself.
E: OMG hahahahahahaha
My (43f) husband (45m) wants to "take in" a young girl (22f) and allow her to live with us until she's back on her feet. He doesn't understand why I find it weird. Am I in the wrong?
lmao what a way to find out you're married to an idiot
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Feb 2, 2017 00:02
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Hoo boy nothing could possibly go wrong there, no siree!
this is how Wendi Deng got started btw
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Feb 2, 2017 00:02
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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quote:Hello everyone! I hope you are all well today. I don't know if I'm posting in the right section, so if I am not, please send me in the right direction.
Without making this too long, I am a neurotypical who has been in a relationship with a male with Aspergers for the past 5 months. I am his longest relationship, but he has only had a few before me. He says I'm the first to stick by him & deal with his many quirks. He was the first to tell me he loves me, & pursued the relationship with me. However, I also knew in the beginning of the relationship that he was still missing an ex from a year ago. They only lasted under 2 months, she was very mean to him, couldn't handle his immaturity & said no grown man acts like him, left him, & he stalked her for a year, and she threatened to press charges wanting nothing to do with him. He stalked her until he met me, & claimed that I helped him forget about her & get over her. I actually did believe this, atleast for the most part; I knew he would probably still have some feelings for her as most people do for their exes and/or first relationships, & that is normal for anyone.
However to make a long story very short, he broke up with me Sunday, claiming he had enough of himself & needed therapy for his many addictions. Namely, porn/sex addictions, & addictions to following many random girls online daily. He is highly impulsive. He has no self control, & gropes himself & me constantly. When we are together, all he thinks about is sex & all he wants to do even while watching a movie. He also suspects he has mutiple personalities & has been suicidal many times in the past because of these things. He said that he could not be faithful to anybody (although not psychically, he has enough self control to not go out & cheat, but that he can't stop messaging random girls online), and never was, & needs a psychiatrist. He told me he loves me very much & will come back after he gets help & that I am who he wants to be with.
Last night a conversation came up about his ex, & he completely shut down & withdrew from me. Turns out, after much probing since he did not want to talk to me, today he admitted he broke up with me because he is missing his ex. He says he loves me, misses me, & still has feelings for me, & that he knows it's pointless because she hates him, but that he misses her & asked me how he could find her & be with her. He seems to have no remorse over how I am feeling about this, & I told him I will let him go but that I do not understand how he could leave me for someone who he knows hates him & wants nothing to do with him just because he misses her, even though he "loves" me. Maybe I am naive, but I do believe he loves me still.
To be honest, I know this should make sense to me, but it doesn't. I thought he was really into me, but one conversation about her & he's gone off to look for her, okay with leaving me behind. I believe she was one of his obsessions, & I was stupid for thinking he could love me just as much as he loved her.
Can anybody give me an aspie insight into what is going on with this seemingly sudden decision? I do recognize that maybe it is not sudden and he has felt this along, but I honestly did not expect this. He knows how much I love him when she does not, so how could he throw me to the side like this? Especially recognizing I am the only one who ever stood by him with his conditions? I really did believe he loved me & just needed help with his addictions.
Is there any chance of him realizing what he may be doing, & come back to me? Maybe miss me as well? Could this be a product of him impulsivity & needing instant gratification? Or am I just being a silly NT?
Thank you everyone. I appreciate any feedback you can give.
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Feb 2, 2017 00:02
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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Sounds like a douchebag, aspie or not.
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Feb 2, 2017 00:04
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May 9, 2024 04:06
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