Pvt.Scott posted:

It's not weird. A lot of people assume mental disabilities and illnesses are character flaws.

Mirthless posted:

A lot of people assume a lot of things that are incorrect and terrible.

Ableism is just as weird as any other discriminatory behavior, whether or not it's a natural impulse doesn't override the availability of better information

quote:

My [25M] girlfriend [25F] has become a body builder. I'm becoming less and less attracted to her the more muscle she gains and I feel terrible about it.

My girlfriend who I will call Anne and I have been dating for 5 years since University, I lover her but this situation is starting to effect me.
Anne used to have weight issues whilst she was at school. She was bullied for being "fat" (she wasn't) and she ended up suffering from anorexia. When I met Anne she was a perfectly fine, healthy weight and drop dead gorgeous. She didn't think that though.

She has been struggling for years with her image because of the bullying and the anorexia she suffered when she was younger, always checking the mirror to make sure she wasn't get fat, asking me to reassure her etc. She wasn't fat, at all, and was basically my ideal girlfriend physically, emotionally and mentally.

This is until she turned 23 and she started doing weight training at the gym. She ended up loving the weight training a lot more than the cardio as she noticed "more improvements" from the weight lifting. I was happy for her, I want my girlfriend to be as happy as she can be and hate seeing her when she gets upset about her weight.

Bring this back up to this current day and Anne is pretttttttty muscly now. Like, she's not as big as a women's bodybuilder, but you can see the similarities between them and she looks completely different. Mentally, I'm extremely pleased for her as she no longer has any body issues and that makes me feel good to see my girlfriend actually liking herself.

However, the problem is, I'm not attracted to her body anymore. I'm not into muscly girls and I loved the way she looked before. Her body, to me at least, is what I would consider manly now. Like I said I'm very happy for her and love that she has so much confidence in herself, but when we have sex now I just don't enjoy it anywhere near as much. I don't like the feel or look of the muscles she has now, I honestly wish I did but it just seems to turn me off, and I've been making excuses recently not to have sex.

This is something I really want to get sorted. I love her, but at the same time whilst I'm not "repulsed" to touch her sexually, I don't exactly enjoy it anymore because of her transformation. Should I be honest with her about this? Or should I try and get over myself?

tl;dr: Girlfriend has had weight issues most of her life. She has put on a lot of muscle due to weight lifting the past couple of years and even though I love her and she feels so much better about herself, I find myself less and less attracted to her the more muscly she gets. What should I do?

Gluten Freeman posted:

break up with the muscly woman you are no longer attracted to and send her to me, please

Mirthless posted:

it's the weird thing people do where they assume autism (or any similar problem) is a character flaw, and therefore, reflective on them as a parent

it's the worst when it carries on well into adolescence, the parents who deny anything is wrong when it's obvious to everyone (including the kid) - my stepmom was like this /w her kids and it didn't do them any favors

Adam Vegas posted:

I think he means 'it's not weird' as in 'it's not uncommon', dude, not 'this is a totally fine thing to do'

Dienes posted:

I remember when a study came out showing that maternal age correlated with autism and the torrent of comments of parents going, "ARE YOU SAYING THIS IS MY FAULT?!? STOP BLAMING MOMS!!"

Antivehicular posted:

To be fair, there are two other factors going on here:

1) Autism was classically blamed on parenting, particularly on "refrigerator mothers" who were insufficiently nurturing, and some of that stigma still lingers; additionally, the fact that we're still pretty vague on what causes autism means that there's still a lot of superstitious belief in various parenting choices (vaccinations, gluten, probably "toxins" of some sort) causing autism.
2) Women have pretty much always taken a ton of poo poo about their childbearing decisions, and one of the biggest is that research linking maternal age with increased (but still low) risk of various birth defects has been simplified down to "after you hit 30, your eggs are all RUINED and any child you bear will be a carnival freak, and that's your fault." (This often goes along with the continuing belief that a woman who postpones children for career is somehow selfish, even with increased necessity of two incomes for a family with children.)

The point here is that I guarantee most moms of autistic kids have been blamed for their child's disability, unless they're lucky enough to somehow not know any assholes. This doesn't make it okay for them to be in denial about their child and prevent the kid from getting appropriate intervention, but I can kind of understand a little defensiveness about it.

Mirthless posted:

it's the weird thing people do where they assume autism (or any similar problem) is a character flaw,

Tolkien minority posted:

there are literally derails on how horrible autistic people are in this topic like every 2 to 3 pages lol

Lonely Virgil posted:

Muscle girl should suplex that jabroni.

Faffel posted:

My good autistic friend showed me a site about dating autists that equivocates autism with sociopathy and it's pretty impressive. Wish I could remember the name of it. I guess everyone with any noticable brain defect gets a ton of poo poo for it though.

Tiny Deer posted:

Tech companies are weird, cult-y institutions where people forget they're not part of a 'family' or a 'squad', they're employees. Tech company owners do everything possible to conceal that fact because then they trick undersocialized nerds into working for free, working insane hours on salary, or just working until they have a nervous breakdown. It also means tech dudes feel really, really betrayed if Mommy Company cuts back on a luxury freebie. It's loving strange.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I guess I know where you learned about antivirus

Themata posted:

Your take on free breakfasts make sense, and the place I interned at did dinners you could get comped for which I can see as incentive for staying late, but what about free lunches, or snacks of your choice? Is that just to reinforce cultiness rather than when you stay?

It's funny to read about workaholics as one of the current topics as well as tech companies being mentioned, because I read a bunch of Glassdoor reviews on a tech startup I had interest in earlier and 'cult' was one of the first things that came to mind. Some of the highlights of the reviews:

* If you think there are cons at this company, you are spoiled and don't know how good you have it
* There are no cons whatsoever, and by the way, if you can't handle being productive with 14 hour work days at breakneck pace every day, this place isn't for you, bye.
* The engineer team saying a con is they're kind of arrogant cause they're always congratulating each other on how smart they are

Plus a bunch of generic 'best company ever', 'it's like family', 'anyone who makes negative reviews are just people who were bad for this great company'. I don't know how they thought all of these posts would make anyone think it's a place you'd want to work (unless it' was a reverse psychology trick to tell you to run?).

I also saw another company where the benefits page talked about how they're super health oriented, throw away any items you bring that have sugar, even if it's diet soda, sharing health articles is considered fun and not annoying, you have to do daily endurance wall climbing exercises at standups, and you 'work hard play hard' by doing conference calls at 9/10 PM in the evening, and 'winners have always won'.

I just hope I don't inadvertently end up at a similar type of place.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

go nonprofit or find another line of work, basically

Themata posted:

Plus a bunch of generic 'best company ever', 'it's like family', 'anyone who makes negative reviews are just people who were bad for this great company'. I don't know how they thought all of these posts would make anyone think it's a place you'd want to work (unless it' was a reverse psychology trick to tell you to run?).

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

go nonprofit or find another line of work, basically

quote:

UPDATE: I decided to talk with her about this from 9:45 p.m. to 4:30 a.m. in the morning, yesterday. I've decided to downsize quite a bit and hire professionals to assist in the moderate reduction. I'll be cutting 3 hours a day from work (already made arrangements with my work) and will be spending that time with my wife and will see what more I can to love her and make use of every moment for even burst of lovemaking and affection.

Thank you Reddit for saving my marriage and our future. I thought gift giving was enough but found out the hard way that companionship is also necessary. I was being delusional. I love all the men and women here who helped me understand and realize the danger ahead.

quote:

Okay so I know I post here a lot and for good reasons, I suck at dating. Anyways, my "bothfriend" wants me to refer to them as that or as Ace which I'm perfectly fine with outwardly but inside I feel like I can't live a lie and accept this, don't get me wrong I have nothing against people like this, my sister is a genderfluid but as of only recently.

I don't want to date her and yet I want to be friends with her but I hate breaking people's hearts, how can I go through with telling her I don't want to date a genderfluid person who views themselves as mainly male, I'm not bi or gay as my ex would say I am as straight as an arrow. What should I do guys.

Edit: Age for Bothfriend should be 25 not 28.

quote:

quote:

Is the fact that they sometimes view themselves as male the only reason you don't want to date them? Or is there more to it?

That's one of the facts, and the fact that she believes that she was actually saved from a dragon while astral projecting by her kitsune moon goddess named Louna.

quote:

quote:

Uhm, has she seen a doctor for her mental illness?

She is going to a doctor for some kind of treatments for some kind of bi-polar schizophrenia.

quote:

and they also are poly so that kinda makes me not want to be in the relationship because I know that I'm not going to be the only person for them and in all honesty that's what ruined my relationship before this. But to answer your question no I don't know what I want except to have some girl to accept me for the awkward introvert I am and accept the fact that I don't like to party.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

i don't think you have the vaguest idea what the nonprofit sector is like bud, that isn't how it works

btw rolls techbro story has a happy ending:


but that's not what you came here for, you came here for this:
Me [28 M] with my Genderfluid [28 M/F] one month Not sure how to feel about it.

That's one of the facts, and the fact that she believes that she was actually saved from a dragon while astral projecting by her kitsune moon goddess named Louna.

quote:

Hahaha yeah, work at a non profit so you can work thrice as hard at a quarter of the pay

quote:

This isn't the rule but there's no pretending that stress from funding I particular doesn't exist

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

maybe because you've gone from

to

and the first one is horseshit, and the second is an incredibly mild complaint. it wouldn't be surprising for it to be especially a big deal in the businesses that consist of your mom and your sister but it is also true of any other workplace that requires external funding, which is all of them.

It's not "aggressive" to say you don't know what you're talking about when you in fact do not know what you are talking about, it's not some unfair rule I've invented that saying untrue things will get you called on by people who actually know the subject matter because I don't like you personally.

quote:

My [28 M ] bf of 3 years wants me to teach me a lesson by having me [23 F] pay for his flight

Let me just start of by saying I am a bad girlfriend. Please have no sympathy. In the past, I have slept with more than 10 people, cheated on my ex , called my current boyfriend and his family and friends a lot of bad names and even accidentally called him by my ex's name, I've also lied about who I had slept with to my boyfriend , been in contact with these people and I flirted with an older man while in a relationship with my bf to get money. I've done a lot of awful things and he has done a few. Perhaps.

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I of three years got into a another argument (my fault) and I ended up telling him off to a distance family member and called him an unpleasant name to her. In response, he says that what I have done is intolerable and I have to pay the full price of the upcoming flight to disincentive me from repeating it in the future and learn my lesson.

I contested paying full price. So he suggested that I pay half instead of full price and talk about my sexual history everyday until the flight in mid April. I agreed and after one night it just became intolerable and offensive and I wasn't able to sleep well that night , so I wanted a break just for sanity sake. Because I don't think I could realistically talk every day about it . Then he suggested that he would manage my social media for a week and and the next week we would talk about my sexual history until the flight in April and I pay half of the ticket.

I accepted it because it sounded like a better idea than the last one. As he is managing my social media, he starts to tell me to unfollow some guys, delete some pictures that some guy I slept with liked, delete some guys comments and etc. I did all of that. Then he tells me to unfollow my classmate from elementary school. I contested that in an annoying tone that he hates and he started yelling at me. Ok this wasn't going so well obviously. I decided I didn't want to do the talking thing or the social media thing or full price for the flight. I don't even want to pay HALF. But I still want him to come.

Why don't I want to pay half/full:

I am and very frugal so I do have the money for the flight I have about $9000 in savings. However because I suffered a financial loss of $6000 last year and I have been unemployed.
My only source of income is my sidegig that brings in $200 a month. Being very frugal, my annual expenses is about $1000. So paying between $800- $1500 for a flight is a huge expense for me.
I am not sure how much my boyfriend has but he just got a six figure income job in America
I don't like that he is holding the trip hostage after initially planning on taking the trip and financing it himself.
I think the punishment is too severe and would lead to more harm than good.

Should I take this temporary financial loss and pay the full price of the ticket for the sake of our union. Or should I stand my ground and refuse to pay?

tl;dr My boyfriend want me to pay for his flight after an argument that we had. I want to pay for the flight but I think I shouldn't.

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

quote:

and talk about my sexual history everyday until the flight in mid April.

quote:

Okay, firstly, I know..... weird title and kinda weird question. I'm a 22 year old girl and I have been in love with my supervisor/ coworker for three years. She is 35 years old and she is also female.

We know each other really well and have seen each other around our neighborhood (we live very close to each other). We talk every day at work and know everything about each other's lives. I think I'm in love with her but unfortunately she is in a relationship with a guy who also works with us. Although, her actions and stuff she has said gives me reason to believe she has feelings for me too.

Anyway, the other day at work as we were leaving my car wouldn't start (flat battery) so I asked her for a lift home because we live very close to each other.

On the way home in the car, she is driving and I'm in the passenger seat and I suddenly smell the unmistakable smell of a fart. It was silent and didn't make any noise but yeah.... she definitely farted. She quickly rolled the window down but didn't say anything. There was no one else in the car with us.

I just looked over at her in the driver's seat when she rolled the window down and she just looked back at me and started laughing. I then started laughing too. And she was like laughing really hard for a few seconds. She was kind of red and did seem a little embarassed though. Then she just kind of joked about it. She said "OMG (my name)" as if she was jokingly blaming it on me/saying that I did it.

It was weird she didn't even seem to care that she farted in front of me. Is this an obvious sign she doesn't like me back since she doesn't care if I think she is gross?

If she does something gross like this in front of me, I guess it means she doesn't really care what I think of her.

Because I guess if you liked someone you would want to be ladylike around them and impress them etc. I don't think it was on purpose though. She is heavily pregnant so maybe that had something to do with it...

TL;dr Does my crush farting in front of me means she doesn't like me back?

WampaLord posted:

She is heavily pregnant so maybe that had something to do with it...

WampaLord posted:

What an abusive rear end in a top hat, and sadly, he's managed to convince her all of the abuse is justified because of her past "sins."

Gerblyn posted:

To be fair, she does sound pretty awful, what with having cheated on him multiple times.

quote:

In the past, I have slept with more than 10 people, cheated on my ex , called my current boyfriend and his family and friends a lot of bad names...

WampaLord posted:

No, she cheated on previous partners.

quote:

In the past, I have slept with more than 10 people, cheated on my ex , called my current boyfriend and his family and friends a lot of bad names and even accidentally called him by my ex's name, I've also lied about who I had slept with to my boyfriend , been in contact with these people and I flirted with an older man while in a relationship with my bf to get money.

Gerblyn posted:

These are not the actions of a nice, or balanced person, especially the last bit.