/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Fullhouse posted:

the thing with her having dreams about a fake son who her (real) autistic son asks about is absolutely a ridiculous horror movie hook, and in the horror movie where that appears James is a twin that the autistic one killed in the womb

and the constant connection to dreams and shadowy creatures, sense of vague horror, and losing hours of time to strange mystical malaise is vaguely lovecrafty

yeah. i thought the screaming lady phone calls were a spooky touch. not the worst haunted house story i've read online. 5/10.

quote:

There is nothing in the kitchen. We run to the basement. When we run to the basement there is a dead body in it. The dead body is my husband. At this point I look at my husband Jim (the one standing next to me, not dead) and he says "Michelle I am really sorry. I have never been real. I do not exist. Goodbye."

My husband's most common dream: Waking up in the middle of night, rolling over and seeing me dead with a knife through my chest and I am screaming. After seeing this he immediately gets called into work. For whatever reason my husband throws my body into our bathtub and tells me he will be right back. He then goes to work.

these parts are great.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:30

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 22:30

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Sisal Two-Step posted:

yeah. i thought the screaming lady phone calls were a spooky touch. not the worst haunted house story i've read online. 5/10.

these parts are great.

As a creative writing exercise it's really great, and probably what the story actually is in the first place

The phone calls were the best part, for me. I also liked the unhinged friend who forgot she had a child.

I would have been happy with this season of American Horror Story

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:33

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Reddit, what should I do? He's a great guy and our relationship is basically perfect, but i can't believe he dropped such a bombshell on me during such a stressful time in our family's lives.

tl;dr my husband isn't real and he didn't tell me until we discovered his dead body in our basement. Not sure where to go from here.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:38

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Haunted house lady could've been me if we moved into this one house we looked at that I'm positive was haunted. Husband laughed of course but that's also EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IN A HORROR MOVIE

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:43

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

/r/relationships: my husband throws my body into our bathtub and tells me he will be right back

(I think it's too long but I don't care)

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:47

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

It's definitely haunted

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:51

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Andrast posted:

Wait, 3" is only 7,5 cm? That's even that large of a height difference.

says the height difference is twice his penis length

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:53

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

I [21 M] am attracted to pregnant women and need advice about talking to my wife [20 F] about it?

quote:

My wife and I got married when we were both 19 after about 3 years of dating in high school. We both come from conservative, Christian, homeschool backgrounds (I know right), but I'd say we're more on the progressive side of that demographic, and we're both pretty mature for our age.

When I was about 13, I realized that I have a sexual interest in pregnancy and pregnant bellies. Shortly thereafter, I started exploring pregnant pornography as well as masturbation.

Fast forward to right before my wife and I got engaged: I knew it was important to share everything with her, so I ended up disclosing that I have problems with pornography. This was hurtful to her but we were able to talk about it and work through a bit.

Around that same time (before engagement) my wife also told me that SHE has problems with pornography. Bit of a shock, but after having just admitted my own struggle, it was hard to react with anything but understanding. We both committed to being more accountable and to eradicating the mutual issue.

We didn't have sex until our wedding night, and honestly our sex for the past two years of marriage has been fulfilling and enjoyable. We've been able to branch out a bit, and we usually "do the deed" on average 3-4 times a week.

Sadly, we haven't really checked in much with each other about our respective porn problems. On my side, I probably still use porn/masturbate once or twice a week. Not sure exactly where she is, except she's recently indicated that porn is still a problem for her.

Back to the pregnancy issue. The few times we've talked about pregnancy, my wife always talks about it negatively and with apprehension. She says, "I wish I could have kids without having to be pregnant." We're on the same page about when/how many kids we think we want at least. She's also said things about not wanting to look like a whale, and she has expressed a desire to NEVER have a maternity photoshoot (which would be heaven for me).

All these things have made me pretty nervous about opening up to her about my fetish for pregnant bellies. She can't really change her body right now (while we're not pregnant), so would it really help to tell her? I have a feeling she might secretly think it's a creepy attraction and not know what to do.

I'm also worried that if I wait to tell her until she DOES get pregnant/start to show, she won't believe me, or she'll accuse me of trying to make her feel better.

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. One the one hand, I'm not wanting to come off like a weirdo to my wife. On the other hand, I don't want to have to suppress this desire forever! Any advice?

tl;dr: Should I try to bring up my pregnancy fetish to my wife? If so, how and when?

BG Info: I'm not into birth/labor/lactating as much, just the shape and size of a pregnant belly.

Post history: all pregnancy porn and that thing where women's belly's just suddenly expand out of nowhere

# ? Feb 2, 2017 22:54

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

How do I [20F] explain to my boxing coaches that I don't like being hit?

Seems like she needs to consult a vocational guidance counselor.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:10

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [21 M] am attracted to pregnant women and need advice about talking to my wife [20 F] about it?
Post history: all pregnancy porn and that thing where women's belly's just suddenly expand out of nowhere

Hahahhah seriously?

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:16

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

YeahTubaMike posted:

this is so loving horrible

wot's really weird is only you and I seem to really think so

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:16

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Pick posted:

wot's really weird is only you and I seem to really think so

Oh god no, I read that and couldn't imagine how hurt I'd be. Not much more to add other than it's completely disgusting

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:18

monkeytennis: Apr 26, 2007; Toilet Rascal

Pick posted:

wot's really weird is only you and I seem to really think so

No, me too. The guy is a weapons-grade bell-end, she should bin him off immediately.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:29

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Oh no, confessor guy is an awful person/dolt who ruined everything by expressing his revelation and change of heart.

Nobody needs to know why your heart grew three sizes as long as you can lift the sled.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:30

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Even if you have that thought you keep it to yourself, geez.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:32

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

I'm a porn user

help

Pick posted:

wot's really weird is only you and I seem to really think so

it's pretty bad I just had no comment really other than to shake my head

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:35

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

i'd say i'm up to about 3, 4 porns a day. i don't want to live this life anymore.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:39

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Moridin920 posted:

I'm 27 and will gently caress multiple times a day if I could lol.

I'm 33 and have a pretty low libido (unless I'm manic) and I would gently caress multiple times a day because it's like hella cool and junk.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:43

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

Pick posted:

wot's really weird is only you and I seem to really think so

i was hoping (and i seem to have hoped correctly) that people were just stunned silent about how awful it was

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:43

Themata: Dec 10, 2011; If you want a pizza this pie
You can crust that
I won't cheese on you
Dance on the groove flour
And I'll give you a disco-unt

Thanks everyone who contributed earlier to breakfast chat.

Secret word: :females:

The following format below is by the OP.
It is not by me.
Just so you know.

quote:

Me [29F] with my boyfriend [25m] and his female best friend [24f] She is completely inappropriate with him and it is driving me up the wall. Worse, he encourages it.
I am a bit pissed (angry, not drunk).

quote:
tl;dr
Me [29F] with my boyfriend [25m] and his female best friend [24f] She is completely inappropriate with him and it is driving me up the wall. Worse, he encourages it.
Tell me if I am completely in the wrong or if I have a right to act like this? I am pretty concerned. I want to be with Jack (boyfriend) but his best female friend, Sandra, seems to hate me for no reason. Or maybe she has a reason?
Relationship
I have been with Jack (25) for almost a year now.

We work in the same building, different departments.

Jack, at the start of our relationship, lived in a studio apartment with his best friend of 15 years, Sam. Sam is 24. They had a no "hook up" rule, because they didn't want to force the other out of the apartment, especially with their work schedules not being the same. Sam works nights, Jack works days.

Fair enough.

He stayed at my apartment twice a week and, as the lord said, "It was good."

I was completely fine with the relationship, until I learned about Sandra.

Sandra is special to Jack and Sam. She has know Jack for 20 years and Sam for 15. She can do no wrong, anything she says is hilarious, and was allowed to spent the night at their apartment. She even had her own cot shoved in a corner. They used it as the couch.

When Jack finally moved into a real house, with three bedrooms, I was finally allowed to spend the night. Sandra was still over at the house all the time and used the guest bedroom to sleep in.

She was pretty much is considered an honorary roommate before they moved in, but the moment they had an extra room, she was leaving her things there. And I was not allowed to touch any of it. I could not leave my own shampoo in the house because Sam got upset, like I was trying to move in.

Sam owns most of the consoles. I have to ask to play them. He deleted the gaming slot I made for myself, yet Sandra has her own on all the consoles. She has her own personal controller, which I am not allowed to use.

On the anniversary of her sister's death, Jack told me to be "super kind." As she was emotional and prone to snapping. I told her I was "sorry about Susan" and she snapped at me. She said, "If I wanted the Temp to know I would have told you myself."

Another time, Sam bought food for "everyone" but forgot I was going to be there, so I ate a microwaved meal while everyone else had Chipotle. There were two burritos, but Sam said they were both for Sandra because "she was working out." Sandra didn't offer to let me have any.

I have heard her mutter "loving Temp" under her breathe to Sam before.

But it came to a head this past weekend.

On Thursday, Jack and I went to Vegas.

We had a great time.

However, I had been talking to Jack about moving into the spare bedroom. I hate my roommates, we don't get along. I wanted to move in, to push our relationship to the next level. While we were in bed, I asked him if he had talked to Sam about it.

He said not to worry about it.

I said I did worry.

He promised to talk to Sam on Sunday.

Then on Sunday he said we had to leave at 5am so we could get home in time for the Game Night he had planned with Sam and Sandra. I was not invited. Only when I mentioned I thought we had the whole weekend together did he say I could watch.

We got home at seven p.m. and the house was completely different. Before it had been rather spartan, with the basic furniture. Now it looked like someone had taken a lot of effort to make it look nice. And, I hate to admit it, it looked amazing. Everything was tastefully done. I figured, stupidly, Sam had gotten some new furniture since he had a raise.

Nope. It was because Sandra moved in over the weekend. All the extra stuff belonged to her.

Jack seemed upset, but not surprised. Sandra was sitting in the living room on her couch, watching her TV. It pissed me off because I am her friend's girlfriend, she should want to acknowledge me at the very least.

So while Sam and Jack talked I sat down. I tried to be civil. I asked where all the stuff came from and she just said, "I moved out of my old house and into here. They didn't have a lot of poo poo, so Sam said I could just do whatever I wanted to the house."

"Jack seemed surprised."

"It was supposed to be next weekend," was all she said. She sounded angry I was even talking to her. "Is that a problem?"
I told her it kind of was, she had an attitude with me, and I had asked Sam about moving in. I said I was hurt Sam lied to me.

She just smirked and said, "Did you think they would let you move in. Nice thought, never going to happen."

"I am dating your friend, you should be more respectful."

"I hosed him first, so its not anything special. He fucks a lot of people."

Then she turned on her game and ignored me.

I called her bitch and went to find Jack.

I told Jack about what Sandra said and he shrugged. He told me, "Well, she is sort of right. We have only been together for 12 months, its not like we are engaged. I know you're upset, but when the time is right we will see about moving in together."

I told him I was furious.

He cuddled with me and told Sam and Sandra he was going to skip out on the games for right now so we could bond. We had sex. He said he wanted to be with me, no I love you. Then he put on his clothes and went down to play games.

I followed and he asked to talk to Sandra in private. Sam seemed amused and told me that I was causing a "lot of problems in the house."

I told him I was kind of hurt he didn't just tell me I wasn't going to move in. He seemed surprised. He told me, "I said, I would think about it. When I didn't mention it again to you I thought you understood. Sandra has been looking for a place for a while. She always comes first."

After Jack was done talking to Sandra, I asked to use his computer. He said sure and signed me onto the GUEST. I knew his password and went on his. I was bad and read his messages. His Skype was signed in and there were chats between Sandra and Jack.

There was a lot of mention about "the good times" they used to have. Nothing explicit, just sharing memories from high school. They didn't message a lot, maybe twice a week. But Jack shared his problems about me with her and she talked about how great loving Sam was. She said, "It is prolly better than you. Even though you were pretty good." They never talked about hooking up, other than to make petty shots at each other.

"Well, Canry is better as bj than you ever were, so gently caress off."

"Sam knows how to eat a taco. You were like a limp noodle."

I searched for my name and two weeks ago, Sandra was asking if I was ever going to stop trying to move in.

Jack said, "She keeps pressing me. I feel caught."

Sandra said, "Who moves in after 11 months? What does she think is going to happen? You get married? We dated for two years and didn't even say we loved one another until year two. She seems to think this is going to end in marriage."

Jack just wrote "LOL."

I checked the latest messages with Sam and they seemed to be on the same line. Sam would ask questions about what Sandra liked in bed and Jack was very open, but not very excited about it. It wasn't very detailed, just "try to touch here" or "do this a lot."

Sam was even less of a chatter, he would only message Jack when he wanted him to do something or they were gaming together. But Sam did send Jack a message from three weeks ago saying, "I don't want Canry to move in."

Jack agreed and said he didn't think he wanted to live with me, if ever. "I just don't feel ready, she is taking it too fast. She keeps pushing for it and I am tired of talking about it."

Sam told him, told him about Sandra needed a place to live and Jack said, "Of course. She is always welcome." But I am not.
I love Jack and want to be with him. But... do I have a right to be upset?

Sandra hates me, is there a way to fix this?

From what Jack has said, Sandra has never had a problem with any other girlfriend. There are pictures of Sandra and several of Jack's exes in his Facebook albums. Jack's last ex lasted three years and I still hear about Sandra and Megan hanging out all the time.

Sam and Sandra are together. Jack dated Sandra when they were 15 to 17, though I think they hooked up for a few years after. But Sam and Sandra are always latching faces and Sam implied Sandra was quite the catch in bed.

It makes me feel inadequate because Jack mentioned us having sex once to Sam and it was, "Sorry, have to go please the woman."

All Jack ever says when he mentions me to Sam and Sandra is, "Canry and I are going to the movies. Canry and I are going to her parents. Canry wants to go shopping, sorry can't play League tonight. Canry is trying to make me eat healthy." There is never any passion about what is going on. But Sandra is mentioned so fondly it hurts.

I have tried to FB friend Sandra, and she finally accepted, but I am blocked from seeing anything. All I can do is tag her. This drives me nuts. Am I in the wrong?
What is the matter with Sandra? Why doesn't she like me?

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:47

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

I def have to run all my romantic and living arrangement decisions past my friend for approval that's not so weird right???????

quote:

I searched for my name and two weeks ago, Sandra was asking if I was ever going to stop trying to move in.

Jack said, "She keeps pressing me. I feel caught."

Sandra said, "Who moves in after 11 months? What does she think is going to happen? You get married? We dated for two years and didn't even say we loved one another until year two. She seems to think this is going to end in marriage."

Jack just wrote "LOL."

wtf?

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:51

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

Themata posted:

What is the matter with Sandra? Why doesn't she like me?

uh spoilers: your boyfriend does not like you either

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:56

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Based solely on her writing style I'm not too fond of her either

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:56

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Fullhouse posted:

uh spoilers: your boyfriend does not like you either

the fact that her boyfriend tolerates her being called "the temp" by both his best friend and his ex girlfriend, lol...

how can anyone be this thick?

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:58

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

He wants to gently caress Sandra, and he is a spineless idiot. Also dump him.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:59

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Pick posted:

He wants to gently caress Sandra, and he is a spineless idiot. Also dump him.

Doesn't sound like Sandra helps things by interjecting herself into his relationships, either

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:59

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Moridin920 posted:

I def have to run all my romantic and living arrangement decisions past my friend for approval that's not so weird right???????

wtf?

Yeah talking to a friend about it is not the weird part there, drat that's cold.

# ? Feb 2, 2017 23:59

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Mirthless posted:

Doesn't sound like Sandra helps things by interjecting herself into his relationships, either

She doesn't care. He's slavishly devoted to her because "she's the one that got away" and he will waste his life trying to get back with a chick who dumped him so that he can feel like a man again.

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:00

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Moridin920 posted:

I def have to run all my romantic and living arrangement decisions past my friend for approval that's not so weird right???????

wtf?

oh loving duh

why wasn't this obvious

Jack and Sandra are in an open relationship, OP does not realize it

sandra is the primary

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:01

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Mirthless posted:

Doesn't sound like Sandra helps things by interjecting herself into his relationships, either

I found that thread on Reddit, the comments are even worse. Fwiw it sounds like he was telling her he was all about her moving in but then when the friends were around reverted to being a douche.

Some of OP's comments:

quote:

Thanks. I just thought he was different. My last boyfriend punched me around a lot and Jack was the first guy to make me feel beautiful and desired.

quote:

Yeah, I do have a history with abusive men. My dad was an alcoholic. My mom was an enabler. Maybe I learned this from her? It sounds so petty and stupid now, to blame my childhood. But I have never been single for long and I always seem to find men who pray on how pathetic I feel. And I do feel stupid all the time. With Jack I felt pretty and happy.

quote:

I am pretty sure Sandra hates me. Her tone is vicious and spiteful. Sam, I think he does it because he can and because Sandra has said "its so hot when you're mean."

quote:

My mother used to tell me I was the reason my father drank. That being overweight was a reason to be ashamed. I should be lucky any guy would want to be with me.

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:02

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

woof that went from comical to triple :murder:

REAL fast, poor girl

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:05

monkeytennis: Apr 26, 2007; Toilet Rascal

gently caress me they're all nutcases. Run, and don't stop.

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:13

Themata: Dec 10, 2011; If you want a pizza this pie
You can crust that
I won't cheese on you
Dance on the groove flour
And I'll give you a disco-unt

I hadn't looked at the comments when I found the story, that makes things even worse.

Here's a bit of touchup to this emote so I can say that the three roommates should go

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:16

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

She could try triple simultaneous compersion for her boyfriend, her metamour and her... metaroomie? Metaphylos? The other dude, whatever.

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:49

Themata: Dec 10, 2011; If you want a pizza this pie
You can crust that
I won't cheese on you
Dance on the groove flour
And I'll give you a disco-unt

Here are some titles that are more interesting than the content itself:

My [24M] girlfriend [24F] of 1.5 years is detransitioning back to female. I'm worried about the impending changes.

UPDATE: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1atjsx/im_a_south_east_asian_female_muslim_24_whos_white/ DUMPED HIM and the most incredible thing happened...

For content: Where the gently caress does this dude work. :catstare:

Bolding mine. Secret word is still :females:

Me [21 female to male] with my [30s F] coworker, accused me of being gay and rubbed my nipples

quote:

Throw away because my friends frequent this subreddit-

So I am a 21 year old transguy, and I work part time in a clinic for some pocket change while I go to school. I love the environment, I don't have to deal with customers or clients which is great for me, because I have pretty severe social anxiety as well as OCD. I've recently started taking medication for it, and it seems to be working well, so I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and do things that ordinarily would make me uncomfortable.
So our clinic won some promotional contest and we won free tickets to a sports game with free food and booze, everyone said it was going to be a blast, and I love almost all my coworkers! The thought of being trapped with that many people for that long definitely stresses me out, but I thought it would be a good challenge for me.

the beginning of the day was super fun, and everyone gets really drunk, really fast. Its worth noting that my office is rather small, and its like a very tight knit family. They have a tendency to get really hosed up together and do things that would make an HR guy in a more corporate company have a loving aneurism, IE one of the doctors having a nurse sit on his lap on a party bus, lots of groping, etc etc.

so the game ends, everybody is hammered and the co workers get gropey as they usually do. Its MOSTLY girls grabbing each others boobs. I was doing a hand stand and one of my favorite co workers slapped my rear end. Its all in good fun at this point.

so then we go out to a bar after, and it gets less fun. I am talking to my coworker who's in her 30s, we will call her Chelsea, shes really new, and to be honest, I don't like her much. She has really poor social skills, can't identify peoples boundaries (or she doesn't give a poo poo), and is in general just really rude. The first day I worked with her she asked two of my coworkers if I was gay.

I've only been on T for a year, but I pass 100% of the time. Unfortunately, my mannerisms and way of speaking did not get the memo, and I come off as rather flamboyant and feminine. Pretty much everyone reads me as gay, but I'm straight. My other coworkers told me what Chelsea said and I told them i get that all the time.

So Chelsea and i are talking, and she all of a sudden gets very serious and asked me which way I swing. I tell her I know she thought i was gay, but I'm completely into women. She tells me no way, she doesn't believe me. And i tell her shes definitely not the first person to assume that of me.
A little time passes and we're outside the bar and she asks me again if I'm gay. I'm getting a bit anxious because I've never had someone ARGUE with me about my own sexuality. I tell her no, I'm straight, I've already told you this. She continues to pester me and say "no no, its okay, you can tell me!" and I'm shocked and try to pass off what she's saying as a joke "ohhhh, so the other coworkers told you about the one thing I did at the last party" (just trying to lighten the mood and make a joke). And she says completely seriously "yes they did, so you can tell me.".

at this point I'm pretty angry and so I said "jesus christ i was kidding! I'm not gay!". To which she replies "C'mon not even a little?!".
I am now pissed off and anxious. She tries to cite times she saw me staring at our male co worker who was actually gay (but really unnattractive, not trying to be rude) and she basically claimed that she saw me eye gently caress him and that I was really nice to him. I tell her VERY FIRMLY THAT I AM NOT GAY.
she tells me if I'm not actually gay then I should make out with her. She has a boyfriend and is a rude piece of poo poo. I'm still shocked so I ask her "hey Chelsea hows your boyfriend doing?!" and she gets frustrated with me and slinks off somewhere.

I wish it ended there. But nope. I am missing chunks of my memory at this point but I remember there was a point where we were walking and she poked where my rear end in a top hat was over my jeans. Something me and my best friends do, but hell no not with a new co worker! I don't remember what happens to get to the next point but I remember she was then rubbing my shirt where my nipple is. This makes me really uncomfortable, because I wear a compression top to hide my breasts under my shirt. She doesn't know I am transgender, and I am sure she can feel the top. I grab her arm and shove it away from me and say "okay what the gently caress?!" she assures me she is only kidding and immediately after she goes back to trying to rub my nip and I roll up this paper I've been carrying and smack her in the face, not hard, just enough to let her know I was sick of her violating my space. She gets mad at ME and claims that I take everything to seriously, that I'm no fun. She had said something earlier in the night about me reminding her of one of her exes, and at this point she says ""just because you remind me of my ex doesn't mean I want you, I'm just kidding around!".

I felt lovely and dysphoric all night. I'm thinking maybe she knows I'm transgender and thinks that just means I'm gay so she was trying to sleuth me out? Why else would she rub my nipples. I WISH I WAS KIDDING. I have no idea if I should tell my boss or what the gently caress to tell them... Or if I should just chalk it up to her being her usual socially inept self and not recognizing that because SOME of our co workers are okay with being flirty and touchy feely, it doesn't mean I am.
tl;Dr: got drunk with coworkers, socially inept one rubbed my nipples and accused me of being gay like 5 times. I am uncomfortable at the thought of working with her again. How do I explain to my boss this situation, or am I being too sensitive?

I only bolded the paper part because I imagined it like a rolled up newspaper smacking a misbehaving dog in the nose, but god drat, that workplace must be a clusterfuck. I've actually had a similar situation like this also, except it was a co-worker who was convinced I wasn't gay, and it escalated from saying I'm not showing enough interest in women to prove I'm actually gay to him trying to show me his boner. He was sober though.

And the update:

quote:

UPDATE Me [21 female to male] with my [30s F] coworker, accused me of being gay and rubbed my nipples

Okay- so I spoke with my boss a few hours after making that thread- she stated that she couldn't intervene as the incident happened outside of work and unrelated to work. She advised that I talked to her, and told me that Chelsea has serious alchohol problems (no poo poo) and her inability to communicate, combined with a serious case of word vomit causes her to act like a total rear end when drunk. My boss advised me that while she would be on the look out for any more inappropriate behavior between her and my other coworkers, she couldn't do anything until it happened on shift. She also predicted that this girl in question probably didn't remember anything from that night and would be mortified when I spoke to her about it. She also predicted that I would get a ridiculous and bumbling apology from a mortified Chelsea.

Heres what I sent her

"I know everyone was extremely drunk so i'm not sure if you remember but you made me VERY uncomfortable this last sunday, You asked me if I was gay like four times. I know you asked other people in the office if I was gay, this is insanely inappropriate. I know when the gang goes out together they get rowdy and some of them get really touchy with each other. Its fine if thats how you guys like to party, but I do NOT like having my personal space intruded upon. You poked my rear end multiple times and even tried to play with my chest and I don't find it fun at all, and when I tried to stop you, you immediately tried to again. If this ever happens again I'm going to have to get boss lady involved."

I recieved this response over messenger:

"Omygosh I'm soooo sorry Spencer. I am lost for words at the moment because I never ever ever meant to make you feel that way. If I ever hurt, offend and/or make anyone feel uncomfortable - I would never do that or say whatever again and I'm never going to do any of those things to anyone again. I'm so incredibly fond of you, and I'm so sorry me being open and trying to have fun by totally stepping on your boundaries. There are other ways to have fun without being disrespectful. I don't recall asking you more than once at the office, and honestly I should have let you discuss your personal life on your terms and I should have NEVER asked you. You are correct I should have never asked anyone in the office, that's completely none of my business. I sometimes try to hard to get to know people, and I should have known better. You are a very welcoming, warm person, that made me think that we were comfortable enough, but I should have waited on your terms. It's simple a boundary that I should have never crossed. I honestly respect you so much, I will never make you feel like that again, I promise you choose to involve boss lady or not, I would never want to hurt you. As far as drinking and going out, I am sorry , I don't remember touching your chest I'm so embarrassed. As for the butt thing, it was inappropriate joke that I have with some of my friends and never meant it to offend you. Spencer my heart is completely sad and ashamed that I ever Mistreated you and ever made you uncomfortable. I don't ever in a million years, ever imagine hurting you the way I did, I totally respect your boundaries and will never touch you and/or say anything inappropriate to you. I hope you see my heart that I'm extremely sincere in my apologies. I was acting very naive and selfish to have done those things to you. Thank you for teaching me to watch what I say or do to anyone, that each person has their boundaries and to make sure I watch what I say and do. Again, you're incredibly important to me, you have been nothing but kind and sincere with me. I hope that anything I did to offend you or hurt you, I really hope it doesn't remain in your heart. You are an incredible person and you deserve respect in every way. I mean that from the bottom of my heart - If you rather me resign from working there I would OP honestly."

Prior to this interaction she had never done anything rude or hostile to me. I still feel really loving offended about what she did but I think she might just be really stupid and saw my coworkers fondling each other and thought it would be okay to do the same. Her response seems pretty heartfelt to me. Perhaps I could've been more clear about my boundaries.... TL;DR Annoying co worker might just be really stupid... Do I forgive and forget or what...?

EDIT: Okay, so I sent her back a message saying basically that I accepted her apology on the grounds that it never happens again. I told her we could move forward from this and I'll try to be more upfront when she does something that starts to upset me in the future. And she definitely thinks I'm gay still. Or wants to gently caress me. Maybe she has a thing for gay guys. Who knows. I just don't give a gently caress. Thank you all so much for your input. I'm much less anxious now

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:51

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

She prolly just wants to gently caress.

I mean I'm not trans so mileage may vary but last time a girl was going "are you SUUUUUURE you're not gay" repeatedly she was positioning to get some dick thrown at her as 'proof.'

quote:

she tells me if I'm not actually gay then I should make out with her.

ding ding ding

# ? Feb 3, 2017 00:57

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

That sounds like my kinda work environment. Everyone there is one step away from an orgy, quitting on the spot or going on a rampage. Reminds me of a lot of my minimum wage jobs. Getting sloppy drunk and handsy helps some people forget that their job makes them want to die. Clinic work will do that.

# ? Feb 3, 2017 01:06

Themata: Dec 10, 2011; If you want a pizza this pie
You can crust that
I won't cheese on you
Dance on the groove flour
And I'll give you a disco-unt

The majority of results for the first secret word was vastly by 20 something women who are insecure about another woman their boyfriends are buddy buddy with, so I think it's time to switch!

Secret word: pizza

This is a three parter. Fairly tame compared to some of the other stuff on here, bolding not mine.

30/m with 29/f for 2 years - Am I crazy for thinking her reaction to me being late with the pizza is massively out of proportion?

quote:

So this feels crazy to me even asking this, but I just need some kind of confirmation or perspective I'm not seeing: I live with my girlfriend. Every Friday is pizza night. We either order some Domino's or I pick up Papa Murphy's. She LOVES pizza night because during the week we are pretty strict with our diet and exercise, so Friday nights are pop/pizza/movie and it's a treat. I get off of work at 5, she gets off at 6, so if I'm picking up the pizza then I get it on the way home.
Yesterday it was my duty to pick up the pizza. I stayed after work for another 40 minutes talking to my brother about business ideas because we own our business and it's really helpful to brainstorm after we close. I work 25 minutes from the house, she works 20 minutes from the house. I ordered the pizza from Papa Murphy's (you have to bake it yourself at home for 15 minutes) at 5, and planned to leave work at 5:40 with the intent on getting the pizza and being home in time to throw it in the oven and have it be done within 5-10 minutes after she walked in the door.

Well I get the pizza, and there is a traffic accident on the freeway. It delays me 15 minutes. When I get home, which is about 2 minutes after she did, she is all, "I'm really disappointed that you didn't get the pizza here faster, you know how important it is, etc..." I explain to her that there was a traffic accident and that I planned to be here in time to have it done. She then goes on a rant saying I should have left right at 5 so that I would for sure get the pizza here in time and have it ready for her when she got home.

Keep in mind, I've brought this pizza back basically every week for the past month, and I either have it totally ready, or at least in the oven by the time she gets home. Somehow though, the times when it was just in the oven were me being late then too and she brought that up as more evidence that I'm terrible.
Anyway, I go into the bedroom to be alone so that I don't have to hear her ranting. She won't drop it though and comes in there after 5 minutes to continue bitching about her pizza and how I shouldn't be upset because she's the one that was disappointed. I tell her fine, I'm leaving for a while because I don't want to sit here and hear this after I just sat in traffic for 40 minutes getting this thing for her. She then FLIPS OUT and tells me I shouldn't come back if I'm leaving, chases me out the door and screams for me to pack my things and take them with me before I go, etc... I ignore this and tell her she is acting like a child and that it's like watching a 2 yr old have a tantrum.

I come back 3 hours later and she has a suitcase and a bag of clothes thrown out in the driveway. No texts or calls, just that.

I slept at my office and now I'm not really sure what to do here... Am I missing something here where I wasn't being sensitive? Do I just wait for an apology, and then if it isn't forthcoming, I should walk? It seems like insanity to me but maybe I'm missing something?

EDIT So I finally texted her this afternoon, and she said she was pissed because I ignored her/was acting cold after she bitched at me when I went into the bedroom to defuse the situation. I was there for under 5 minutes before she came in to continue fighting about it. When I left, she says, "I told you that if you left you could never come back. You still left." Now she says its up to me if I want to still be together. I told her that me being required to be in her presence while she rants at me is abuse, I can leave if I want to. In fact, the week prior she specifically told me I should leave for a little while when she starts acting crazy because she ends up saying things she doesn't mean. So I literally followed her advice this time, and now she says I'm basically required to stay at her side while she rages at me....Ugh, I feel like it's time to move on because I know she won't get help for this and I know it's just going to keep happening. It's just so hard because I do still love her and if she would just be willing to get help, I would have hope.

TLDR; GF got enraged when I was late bringing the pizza home, basically broke up with me as I walked out the door because I told her she was acting childish and I didn't want to stay and listen to that.

[Update] 30/m with 29/f for 2 years - Am I crazy for thinking her reaction to me being late with the pizza is massively out of proportion?

quote:

Original post here

After some more texting, she admitted that she owed me an apology and asked me to come back and talk. As soon as I walked in, she had a sheepish look and apologized and said she knows something is wrong with her but she isn't sure what it is, and really doesn't want to have to take medication. That's when I brought up the fact that we both already knew her sister has a very severe case of Borderline Personality Disorder. Her sister is very intelligent, yet often homeless, has been married 5+ times at 35 yrs old, thinks no one loves her and everyone persecutes her for her political views, etc...

I never thought my gf had this disorder though because her sister was so severe in comparison that I never really stopped and paid attention to a lot of the things that she does do that still hit a lot of the major criteria: Major fears of abandonment (from childhood), stormy relationships with men, few friends, viewing me as perfect when she's happy and terrible when she's upset, extreme sensitivity to criticism, past issues with bulimia, crazy/paranoid (ie unfounded, no evidence) thoughts about what I think of her when she is upset, and a cycle of shame/guilt about the things she does to avoid emotional pain and dealing with the consequences of her actions.

Anyway, she was curious enough about it to go and look this up on the computer, take a basic psych test to see if it's possible (she scored in the 'likely' score range even with some answers that I thought were denying reality(I kept quiet while she took it though) that would have scored her higher). After that, she looked into what treatment was available. I know she absolutely does not like the idea of counseling, so I suggested books and she agreed to at least start with that.
So I feel like this is a positive step forward, where I was feeling hopeless before. She realizes she has a problem, and now I'm just anxious about whether she will take the books seriously and really work on understanding why she acts this way sometimes. 95% of the time I'm with her is wonderful and she is amazing, but this 5% of when she cannot handle stress or minor issues and they turn into huge blow-ups is very difficult.

One of her suggestions on what would make her feel better when she does this is if I pretended to be concerned even if it is a trivial issue. She said it doesn't even matter if I have to grit my teeth and lie to her, it will make her feel better than when I walk away. I don't think she realized it when she said it, but we do the same thing to her sister when her sister is saying crazy stuff too.

Overall I'm much more hopeful now, but at the same time realistic that she has thus far not really done anything to help herself, and reading books could help but not in the same way a counselor could I think. I'm hoping that if she reads these books and realizes a lot of it rings true with her, maybe she will be more open to counseling.

Quick Edit I know a lot of you said it wasn't about the pizza. In a way you were right, in a way not. She was much more upset by the fact that I wanted to go in my room rather than stay and listen to her ranting about that. Someone with BPD is apparently much more short-fused when you are not giving them attention when they need it, so a minor issue about pizza turns into crazed youdontlovemeyoudontcareaboutme ramblings. It really was as simple as the pizza being late, and my avoidance reaction set off her insanity.

tl;dr: GF admitted there is something wrong with her, seems to understand that it is Borderline Personality Disorder, agreed to read books to help herself.

[Final Update]: 30/m with 29/f for 2 years - Am I crazy for thinking her reaction to me being late with the pizza is massively out of proportion?

quote:

Original post here
Well I just couldn't make it work with her anymore. I didn't want to talk about it in the original post, but she had cheated on me multiple times already, and I caught her doing more stuff. She told me she was just seeing her ex once in a while "as a friend," but I caught texts she had sent him where he was mad that she wasn't getting sexual with him enough, and that she only saw him once every couple of weeks so she must be seeing another guy, and accusing her of lying about whether she is single or not. She replied to him saying she is single and wasn't looking for other guys, etc... but that she found out he was on a dating site and looking for other girls so she was mad about that.

That, combined with other things that have just always been problems has led me to the realization that I will never be able to do enough for her to be happy, and that there is no version of reality where I can trust her enough to get married and have kids, or where I can go on a weekend trip and not worry that she's out with another guy while I'm gone.

I told her last night that we need some time apart, and she predictably flew into a rage and told me to get the F out and said if I didn't take all of my stuff she would throw it away. I told her if she wanted to be a baby about it and do that, she could, but I wasn't going to pack up the entire house full of my stuff while she is raging at me, so I took my necessities and left. She apologized today and said she wouldn't throw out my stuff, but I'm currently in a motel and looking for an apartment tomorrow.

I think my mental state has been warped pretty badly by this relationship and I am looking forward to "resetting." I haven't pursued my hobbies or tried to make friends in a long time because every spare moment was spent with her and trying to make sure she didn't feel like I wasn't giving her enough attention. I would get anxious if I was running late coming home from work because I was worried she would be really upset. Most of all, I just felt like I was dealing with someone that doesn't think about things like I do, and doesn't have the sense of morality that I do.

I'll never really know if it was BPD because she refused to go to counseling and nothing I could do or say would make her go. I hope someday she is happy, but I fear she is in for a lot of short-term relationships where guys are initially thrilled to be with her, but then when they aren't perfect in some way, that's when the ship will hit the rocks again, and there's no recovery from it because she takes no responsibility for repairing the damage she causes, and only builds up resentment that she isn't treated like a princess regardless of how she treats you.

Edit I am reading all of your replies, so even if I don't respond, I really do appreciate the kind words and constructive opinions. I am actually having a bit of a laugh right now because the more I read and write about the crap that went on, I realize what a HUGE drain on my mental energy this has been. I own a business, and part of what makes or breaks an entrepreneur is coming up with good ideas that help the business grow. My mind has been in a fog for so long that I haven't put as much energy into that as I should have been, but luckily for me (and maybe this is a sign if there is a higher power) my salary basically went from $50k to $250k in the past couple of weeks because of a good idea that worked well. So I've got that to help cheer me up

tl;dr: We broke up. The pizza was just a symptom of a greater problem, and she didn't want to help herself or help to try and fix the damage she had caused in the relationship. It continued to get worse and finally I couldn't take it anymore.

# ? Feb 3, 2017 01:23

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Gluten Freeman posted:

break up with the muscly woman you are no longer attracted to and send her to me, please

alternatively, get real beefy bitch

HopperUK posted:

Who is this lady please? I love her and wish to be her.

refer above

Pvt.Scott posted:

Why is it every woman who has slept with me or attempted to do so been forceful and rapey? I don't even understand it. I'm a morbidly obese goony gently caress.

I've had women get real nasty, in one case even violent, when I made it clear I didn't want to sleep with them for various reasons. Often the reason would be that they're too drunk or too forward or, more likely, both. My theory is that in a world full of horny men they had maybe never been told no and they didn't really like the feeling.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I learned a strategy from the last paragraph.

Hahaha the lady sprays herself in the face like she's a dog who's done something wrong and the man... eats an entire raw potato. gently caress with natural human instincts and this is what you get, literal insanity.

WoodrowSkillson posted:

truly, a young woman would be mortified to give an athlete a boner

should've crawled out of the room backwards shielding his boner and mewling like a cat. dude acts like he's never had to hide a boner before ffs

Pick posted:

It's because most people are insecure posers.

yeah, pretty much. this could be the answer to about half of these posts

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Not sure how much quicker than "literally 8 minutes" you can get, heck I'm jealous of anyone who doesn't lie awake at least 1 hour on the reg

Seriously out of everything that douche wrote I think this is the part that pissed me off the most. I have a deep and abiding hatred of easy sleepers that borders on pathological

Leon Einstein posted:

Electra complex.

Thanks, Einstein

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [21 M] am attracted to pregnant women and need advice about talking to my wife [20 F] about it?
Post history: all pregnancy porn and that thing where women's belly's just suddenly expand out of nowhere

Holy poo poo it's Ken Bone back for round 2

Moridin920 posted:

I mean fair enough but I've done cocaine a number of times (less than 3, not counting when I took bumps off a gram for a week or two before class at uni) and she's totally being ridiculous idk.

Mostly I just didn't like the 'how does he expect me to feel pity!' bit, it rubbed me the wrong way.

I think she's being ridiculous but I guess it really depends on your perspective. I used cocaine the first time when I was 14 and put myself through college selling it. Also couldn't name a single friend from growing up that hasn't partaken at some point. Since I moved out of California I am discovering that this is not as universal a trait as I thought it was.

I've done cocaine thousands of times but haven't now for a couple years simply because it's not cheap and plentiful anymore. It really isn't a very dangerous drug until it's turned into base/crack or injected, at which point it becomes perhaps the most dangerous. This chick is just really sheltered but she'll probably come around eventually and before you know it the both of them will be dropping a few hundred a week on it

# ? Feb 3, 2017 01:25

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 22:30

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Themata posted:

tl;dr: We broke up.

Another r/relationships success story!

# ? Feb 3, 2017 01:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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