ITT we're parents and our child is about to come out

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Grand Prize Winner: Feb 19, 2007

Betsy, I don't hate the boy because he's a gay. I sucked my share of dicks in the 90s, dammit! It's just that he's such a fat dimwit, honestly~

# ? Feb 4, 2017 07:58

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2024 10:48

Hardawn: Mar 15, 2004; Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates; College Slice

Must he stand in front of the TV, too???

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:06

death by computer: Sep 6, 2010

*staring into mirror, gathering confidence*
Alright, you can do this. It's not that hard. Just four simple words.
*deep breath, tense exhale as I make eye contact with my reflection*
"Hi, Gay. I'm Dad."

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:11

ProfessorMurder: Aug 27, 2003; I can wet the bed in the shape of Abraham Lincoln

Son: "Mom, Dad.....I'm gay."
Mom: "Yeah, we know. We've known for a while."

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:20

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

ProfessorMurder posted:

Son: "Mom, Dad.....I'm gay."
Mom: "Yeah, we know. We've known for a while."

Brother? Is that you?

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:20

Arrhythmia: Jul 22, 2011

ProfessorMurder posted:

Son: "Mom, Dad.....I'm gay."
Mom: "Yeah, we know. We've known for a while."

Dad: "wait we have?"

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:21

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Push honey! PUSH! CMON! PUSH!

Gridlocked fucked around with this message at 08:30 on Feb 4, 2017

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:23

DICTATOR OF FUNK: Nov 6, 2007; aaaaaw yeeeeeah

whats wrong with it

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:27

death by computer: Sep 6, 2010

Gridlocked posted:

Push honey! PUSH! CMON! PUSH!

*head pops out*
C'MON, PUSH! PUSH IT BACK IN! THAT FACE IS NOT READY TO EXIST YET

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:28

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Dad: *chatting to friends online about imminent birth of child, wife is in the hospital. suddenly the phone rings*
Dad: Oh poo poo the hospital just called, somethings going wrong I gotta get there fast!

*drives car breaking the speed limit to get there, parks in the first available place and runs to the maternity ward*

Admin Lady: "Hello Sir how can I-"
Dad: "Where's my wife!? What's wrong? The doctor didn't say he just said to come fast. Please!"
Admin Lady: *sad sigh* "One second sir I'll call the doctor please take a seat."

*sits down and fidgets non stop till doctor appears nearly an eternity later*

Doctor: "I'm sorry, that 'minor problem' we noted a few days ago wasn't responding to the medication; we ah...."
Dad: "Tell me doctor"
Doctor: "We were forced to choose between her and the baby.... I'm sorry."
Dad: *attempts to hold back tears* "C-can I see her?"
Doctor: "I think she is still sleeping but come this way..."

*doctor opens door to let dad into room*

Wife: *weeping softly to herself rolled over facing away from the door*
Dad: *stunned into silence*

Gridlocked fucked around with this message at 08:45 on Feb 4, 2017

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:30

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

That's okay son, as long as you are a top

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:31

VelociBacon: Dec 8, 2009

*buys the kid a forums acct

haha dumb kid now you're hosed

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:34

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

death by computer posted:

*staring into mirror, gathering confidence*
Alright, you can do this. It's not that hard. Just four simple words.
*deep breath, tense exhale as I make eye contact with my reflection*
"Hi, Gay. I'm Dad."

"So what?"

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:38

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:43

death by computer: Sep 6, 2010

Gridlocked posted:

Dad: *chatting to friends online about imminent birth of child, wife is in the hospital. suddenly the phone rings*
Dad: Oh poo poo the hospital just called, somethings going wrong I gotta get there fast!

*drives car breaking the speed limit to get there, parks in the first available place and runs to the maternity ward*

Admin Lady: "Hello Sir how can I-"
Dad: "Where's my wife!? What's wrong? The doctor didn't say he just said to come fast. Please!"
Admin Lady: *sad sigh* "One second sir I'll call the doctor please take a seat."

*sits down and fidgets non stop till doctor appears nearly an eternity later*

Doctor: "I'm sorry, that 'minor problem' we noted a few days ago wasn't responding to the medication; we ah...."
Dad: "Tell me doctor"
Doctor: "We were forced to choose between her and the baby.... I'm sorry."
Dad: *attempts to hold back tears* "C-can I see her?"
Doctor: "I think she is still sleeping but come this way..."

*doctor opens door to let dad into room*

Wife: *weeping softly to herself rolled over facing away from the door*
Dad: *stunned into silence*

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:44

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

death by computer posted:

Hey someone got it

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:44

myDad: Jan 20, 2010; ce n'est pas ma m�re; College Slice

HI GAY I'M DAD

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:46

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Gridlocked posted:

Dad: *chatting to friends online about imminent birth of child, wife is in the hospital. suddenly the phone rings*
Dad: Oh poo poo the hospital just called, somethings going wrong I gotta get there fast!

*drives car breaking the speed limit to get there, parks in the first available place and runs to the maternity ward*

Admin Lady: "Hello Sir how can I-"
Dad: "Where's my wife!? What's wrong? The doctor didn't say he just said to come fast. Please!"
Admin Lady: *sad sigh* "One second sir I'll call the doctor please take a seat."

*sits down and fidgets non stop till doctor appears nearly an eternity later*

Doctor: "I'm sorry, that 'minor problem' we noted a few days ago wasn't responding to the medication; we ah...."
Dad: "Tell me doctor"
Doctor: "We were forced to choose between her and the baby.... I'm sorry."
Dad: *attempts to hold back tears* "C-can I see her?"
Doctor: "I think she is still sleeping but come this way..."

*doctor opens door to let dad into room*

Wife: *weeping softly to herself rolled over facing away from the door*
Dad: *stunned into silence*

*wife slowly rolls over to face her husband, her face a screwed-up contorted wreck, as if there's some devastating exclamation of unimaginable intensity she's using all of her emotional strength to hold inside*

Wife: .........I'm gay.

*wife bursts into maniacal laughter as dad stumbles backwards, wilts and folds into himself, completely owned on a level never seen by man before*

# ? Feb 4, 2017 08:59

Skylark: Apr 27, 2007; ︵‿୨🤍୧‿︵
༶⋆˙⊹｡⋆ʚ🦢ɞ ✩ ˛˚.

Hardawn posted:

Must he stand in front of the TV, too???

Hahah

# ? Feb 4, 2017 09:19

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

*points to gay son* that's me

# ? Feb 4, 2017 09:32

Arrhythmia: Jul 22, 2011

Gridlocked posted:

Dad: *chatting to friends online about imminent birth of child, wife is in the hospital. suddenly the phone rings*
Dad: Oh poo poo the hospital just called, somethings going wrong I gotta get there fast!

*drives car breaking the speed limit to get there, parks in the first available place and runs to the maternity ward*

Admin Lady: "Hello Sir how can I-"
Dad: "Where's my wife!? What's wrong? The doctor didn't say he just said to come fast. Please!"
Admin Lady: *sad sigh* "One second sir I'll call the doctor please take a seat."

*sits down and fidgets non stop till doctor appears nearly an eternity later*

Doctor: "I'm sorry, that 'minor problem' we noted a few days ago wasn't responding to the medication; we ah...."
Dad: "Tell me doctor"
Doctor: "We were forced to choose between her and the baby.... I'm sorry."
Dad: *attempts to hold back tears* "C-can I see her?"
Doctor: "I think she is still sleeping but come this way..."

*doctor opens door to let dad into room*

Wife: *weeping softly to herself rolled over facing away from the door*
Dad: *stunned into silence*

ahahahaha

# ? Feb 4, 2017 09:42

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Does anyone remember that funny post (can't remember if it was a real post or a parody) featuring this woman (I think?) going on and on about how she hoped her potential future child would turn out to be gay? I don't know how to describe it any better than that but I remember reading it here a few times. I want to read it again.

# ? Feb 4, 2017 09:59

I blame Disney: Sep 30, 2016; They know what they did

# ? Feb 4, 2017 10:35

Minimalist Program: Aug 14, 2010

I blame Disney posted:

# ? Feb 4, 2017 10:54

ballistics statistics: Nov 27, 2003; God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title

I blame Disney posted:

IDGI

# ? Feb 4, 2017 10:56

Ork of Fiction: Jul 22, 2013

ballistics statistics posted:

IDGI

That guy wants to gently caress a dog.

# ? Feb 4, 2017 11:39

Mega64: May 23, 2008; I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

Kid: I'm gay.

(CHILD WAS GROUNDED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Feb 4, 2017 12:21

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

betsy??? who the f*ck is named betsey????

# ? Feb 4, 2017 12:46

nickhimself: Jul 16, 2007; I GIVE YOU MY INFO YOU LOG IN AND PUT IN BUILD I PAY YOU 3 BLESSINGS

Mega64 posted:

(CHILD WAS GROUNDED FOR THIS POST)

this needs to be the new probation tag

# ? Feb 4, 2017 13:33

Sole.Sushi: Feb 19, 2008; Seaweed!? Get the fuck out!

Kid: "Dad, I'm gay"
Me: "W-who are you and how'd you get into my house!? I'm calling th--"
Kid: "I already cut the phone lines."

# ? Feb 4, 2017 16:17

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

I blame Disney posted:

# ? Feb 4, 2017 16:22

R-Type: Oct 10, 2005; by FactsAreUseless

More ban bait threads? Sheesh

R-Type fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Feb 4, 2017

# ? Feb 4, 2017 16:27

AMISH FRIED PIES: Mar 6, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Gridlocked posted:

Dad: *chatting to friends online about imminent birth of child, wife is in the hospital. suddenly the phone rings*
Dad: Oh poo poo the hospital just called, somethings going wrong I gotta get there fast!

*drives car breaking the speed limit to get there, parks in the first available place and runs to the maternity ward*

Admin Lady: "Hello Sir how can I-"
Dad: "Where's my wife!? What's wrong? The doctor didn't say he just said to come fast. Please!"
Admin Lady: *sad sigh* "One second sir I'll call the doctor please take a seat."

*sits down and fidgets non stop till doctor appears nearly an eternity later*

Doctor: "I'm sorry, that 'minor problem' we noted a few days ago wasn't responding to the medication; we ah...."
Dad: "Tell me doctor"
Doctor: "We were forced to choose between her and the baby.... I'm sorry."
Dad: *attempts to hold back tears* "C-can I see her?"
Doctor: "I think she is still sleeping but come this way..."

*doctor opens door to let dad into room*

Wife: *weeping softly to herself rolled over facing away from the door*
Dad: *stunned into silence*

uh, the "dad" and wife in this story are not parents and do not belong in this thread

# ? Feb 4, 2017 17:18

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Mega64 posted:

Kid: I'm gay.

(CHILD WAS GROUNDED FOR THIS POST)

lol

# ? Feb 4, 2017 18:00

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

THANKS RICHARD

# ? Feb 4, 2017 18:03

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

*smiles warmly, hugs, sheds a single tear of joy*

*feels deep sense of shame, is actually crying from crushing disappointment*

*never fully recovers, dies unhappy*

# ? Feb 4, 2017 18:11