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Zeris posted:There was once a soldier who peed, I wish I was allowed to probate you for that awful rhyme.
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Feb 10, 2017 00:08
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 06:28 |
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Jesus you guys aren't lying about it being 90% poop stories. Can just crank them out.
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Feb 10, 2017 00:32
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We got to watch one of our VBSS members poo poo off the head of a stranded pakistani fishing dhow in the middle of the ocean. you just saw little hot drops basically coming out and splashing in the water.
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Feb 10, 2017 00:48
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One time I was stationed at an Iraqi police station with some random fucks from all across our batallion. My old platoon came into for a visit or whatever the gently caress and my old squad leader and buddies yell for me to come on over. They ask if I can take the trash out from their Bradley. I take it out and then realize it's a trashbag full of liquid poo poo. Also at the same police station I'd pull poo poo burning duty (lol) because it's better than filling sand bags and lugging them up four stories to build fighting positions. Pour gasoline in, stir with a 2x4, smoke a cigarette while the poo poo fumes waft into my nostrils. I didn't even care that I ended each day smelling like poo poo and diesel, at least it was easy. Third story, also at the police station. I was up on one of the fighting positions on the roof about 4-5 in the morning and absolutely loving exhausted since we'd been getting 4 hours of sleep, and then pulling 16 hours of guard duty or some crazy poo poo. I've got my pile of water bottles on my right side, and the bottles I've pissed in on the left. I got so tired that at one point I accidentally picked up one of my piss bottles. It got into my mouth and then I realized what it was. It was warm and salty. I sprayed piss out of my mouth all over the fighting position. That woke me up real good. Also also nothing beats having running explosive shits in a portashitter in 130 degree heat. You don't know what's worse, sweating to the point it's turned into a loving sauna or the fact that your entire digestive system is getting evacuated into a container of other people's liquid poo poo and piss. At least there's dick art on the wall to comfort me.
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Feb 10, 2017 00:59
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Oh man I almost forgot. My driver thought it'd be funny if he drove fullspeed through the shitwater in the streets of Baghdad to try to tag me with it while I was up on the 240. It got in my face and a little in my mouth. I'm pretty sure that's how I ended up with tuberculosis right when we got back to Germany.
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Feb 10, 2017 01:01
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Mike-o posted:Also also nothing beats having running explosive shits in a portashitter in 130 degree heat. You don't know what's worse, sweating to the point it's turned into a loving sauna or the fact that your entire digestive system is getting evacuated into a container of other people's liquid poo poo and piss. At least there's dick art on the wall to comfort me. During the invasion I and several other people got something at one of the places we'd stopped at along the way. Couldn't even talk a sip of water without it coming back up. Had the pudding shits to go along with it. I was pulling guard and puking as the CSM came by. Ended up having to go to the cash and getting 7 IV bags for dehydration. Also, folding metal chairs with a hole cut in them make for a luxurious poo poo when combined with an ammo crate.
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Feb 10, 2017 01:19
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A picture is worth a thousand words:
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Feb 10, 2017 02:05
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Apart from the Saddam palace making GBS threads, once time I had to hold in the most wretched, gut busting, prairie dogging poo poo in the world for twelve hours while out on a long patrol. When we briefly popped back to the FOB to refuel, I destroyed a porta shitter with a force and sound that could probably be weaponized. Another time we were chasing terrorists through a wadi at 3AM and I was holding in a similar nasty poo poo, albeit not quite as long. Oh, and one time my squad was on a sniper OP mission for a few days on one of those flat rooftops with walls around it in Mosul. Nothing to do but eat MREs and poo poo in the corner for days. At the time I had an epiphany moment like Fry in Futurama; "The corner! That's it!" Basically anytime anything serious was going down, I was holding in a huge poo poo. I'm not sure if it was the events that did it, or if I have some kind of magical prescient colon. I get the feeling that poo poo like this is 80% of the reason why grandpa just stares into the distance when we ask about the war.
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Feb 10, 2017 02:12
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Oof, drat, dude. I always took the first opportunity to poo poo, no matter what. Short halt because somebody spotted something? Jump out of my hatch or turret and take a dump squarely in front of the truck, then hop back up. Holding it is the worst.
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Feb 10, 2017 02:21
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It was during the elections in Mosul in Dec 05. We were just on the go constantly, setting up C-wire, etc. Long, long day. When I was finally on the shitter with my guts convulsing like a rail gun, I almost think I saw god.
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Feb 10, 2017 02:25
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Had a short woman in basic, all of five foot nothing. Loaded to the gills with all the retarded gear we had to take along to simulate "real Army" for our final ruck march. It was rough for her because the lovely basic ruck sacks were not sized to her frame and the weight of all the gear was still pretty close to what everyone else had on minus having a small IBA instead of the XL some of us got stuck with  Troopered her way through almost the entire march before having to basically poo poo herself on the go. Nobody gave her poo poo ( ) about it though cause she just kept right on marching to the end.
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Feb 10, 2017 04:34
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Korgan posted:Dumb random military question: what's the stupidest thing you've had or heard of being stolen from the military? Talk to anyone who has ever worked in supply. Ever. I do recall an LT ordering a humvee piece by piece and stuffing the remains of one from the junkyard (frame and decently square body panels and the like) into a shipping can with all the parts with the intent of rebuilding it himself in his garage back home. He ran his mouth and was snapped out of his unit by battalion when word wafted over. And then the container and nearby maintenance tents "caught fire" somehow. Shortly after, that Lt disappeared. But seriously, supply dudes know all the shady poo poo that goes on. Anyone with access to supply yards (especially overseas because lol material security over base security) has probably seen or done plenty they won't talk about until well after the statutes of limitations no longer apply.
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Feb 10, 2017 04:46
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also weren't a bunch of people charged with stealing literally suitcases full of millions of dollars that was supposed to go to paying local nationals and poo poo?
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Feb 10, 2017 04:48
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Probably. Money vanished in Iraq faster than a puddle of piss in the sand.
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Feb 10, 2017 04:52
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Mike-o posted:I didn't even care that I ended each day smelling like poo poo and diesel, at least it was easy. This answer would cover all the rest of the questions if you guys hadn't scared off all of the lurkers. Let me tell you the saga of SHOI. He started out a steely eyed warrior, out to make his mark. He rode a chariot of fire across the sky, raining death on the enemies of the United States. Alas, his most potent bomb never made it out of the cockpit. For you see, SHIO was eager. He had so much heart, he wouldn't let anything keep him charging forward. And his colon followed that lead and charged forward just as hard. Afterwards, his peers were so impressed, that they gave him their most enduring honor, the call sign that would always identify him. He would forever be known as the pilot who poo poo Himself Over Iraq. Of course, many warriors felt the impact of SHIO's exploits. Why just after he landed, there was a scramble of activity. But the wise, old superintendent just needed to glance across the apron. Then he handed the crew chief a tool box and a toothbrush, and said "Regenerate that F-16. You know what to do." And that, my friends, tells you everything you need to know about the United States Air Force. 
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Feb 10, 2017 05:10
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That's a great poop story, not just because it's a good poop story on its own, but because it means that there are many more poop stories like it. This is my poop story. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
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Feb 10, 2017 05:25
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Double Dragon cuz I'm drunk.Hillary Clintons Thong posted:also weren't a bunch of people charged with stealing literally Yep. Obama said "I won, let's move on, what's the use of making GBS threads on a bombed out country and a hollowed out military? That cash ain't never coming back. We've had enough drama for a loving lifetime."  bird food bathtub posted:Had a short woman in basic, all of five foot nothing. Loaded to the gills with all the retarded gear we had to take along to simulate "real Army" for our final ruck march. It was rough for her because the lovely basic ruck sacks were not sized to her frame and the weight of all the gear was still pretty close to what everyone else had on minus having a small IBA instead of the XL some of us got stuck with This is why I've never gotten the thing about people being all uptight about women not filling combat roles just be cause not all of them can do 8 pull ups. The gut their way through the most heinous poo poo. But I get to laugh again and again watching range control sergeants spitting acid, because he saw yet another noncombatant get expert marksman qualification 60 seconds after that nurse picked up a gun for the first time in her life.
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Feb 10, 2017 05:36
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LITERALLY SHAKING posted:Talk to anyone who has ever worked in supply. Ever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWHniL8MyMM
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Feb 10, 2017 05:38
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Ceiling fan posted:Double Dragon cuz I'm drunk. GIP used to be pretty anti women in military around when I took my exodus  but it seems to have to gotten better, silenced or whatever
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Feb 10, 2017 05:39
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How I feel about women in the military: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lSzhjggxjI
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Feb 10, 2017 05:53
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McNally posted:Hey, if you were married to someone in the military and they die or get killed or something, the military takes care of you, right? irl
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Feb 10, 2017 06:32
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Yes and no. A lot of states have programs for college education at public universities for children of fallen servicemembers. Lots of charities out there that are surely underfunded or working with next to nothing trying to help. There's a life insurance policy to the tune of around half a million (it was $400k when I was in, but it's probably gone up). That life insurance depends on how you go out. Eat your own bullet in a war zone? There's probably going to be a lengthy "investigation" and the like, a possibility it would be denied. But if you just go out like a good bullet sponge and collect your prize on the battlefield, it should pay out timely to whatever stripper you assigned as the beneficiary. The family will be able to use their tricare to see psychiatrists and the like. I don't know how tricare dependents work if the primary is dead, though. I'm relatively sure they can stay on tricare as long as they keep up with the premiums. Then again, it's the military and it's practically a crapshoot as to who should receive what for why and whatever. Holy poo poo, loving got me. I was too stoned to realize the irony.
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Feb 10, 2017 06:59
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That shatters pretty good tonight eh Spongebob? I'm higher than giraffe pussy myself.
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Feb 10, 2017 07:04
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:Let me give you a personal example. I was running a night range for 50 Caliber machine guns. The last people who have to take the shooting test finish, it's 2 AM, and we have 10,000 rounds left. A normal group of people would turn in the ammunition for somebody else to use, right? Not us. Range guys deem it too much of a pain in the rear end to got through ammunition turn in procedure and decide to shoot it all into the darkness instead. Here's the cost to the taxpayer: I see this every exercise we host, 3-4 times per year. It's probably "only" about 3,000 rds per year of 7.62, but it's literally because one guy doesn't want to deal with it. Pump it up! Do it! posted:How much are the top brass protecting each other? I have followed the current events thread for quite some time and it seems like most generals only get slapped on the wrist for pretty heinous poo poo while enlisted get screwed. I also saw some youtube video where some historian talked about in WW2 generals had something like 90 days to show themselves competent divisional commanders before Marshall relived them and sent them off to administrative duty while nowadays pretty much no generals get relieved. We haven't been in a situation where thousands of Americans are dying in combat in days/weeks since Korea. I have no doubt we'd weed out a lot of poo poo leadership if we were in that spot again, but it would take a lot of blood first. One thing about generals and officers losing rank...this stuff is primarily guided by US law, due to the nature of how an officer is commissioned and the legal authorities involved. They can't just get busted all the way down in rank like enlisted can; they can only be reduced in rank to the last rank in which they "honorably" served. Godholio fucked around with this message at 07:37 on Feb 10, 2017 |
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Feb 10, 2017 07:31
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And doesn't it take an act of congress to demote a staff officer?
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Feb 10, 2017 07:54
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Tias posted:To the US mil posters: I would seriously overhaul the Marines, transfer a bunch of their poo poo to the Navy and the Army, and leave them as a significantly smaller force as befits their loving mission. They would no longer have aircraft carriers. I would literally, starting from the top and working my way down, personally review every goddamned general and admiral prior to their promotions going before Congress for confirmation. I would not only review their records but historical command climate surveys. I would have a small cadre if mid-level officers (O-3 through O-5) and NCOs who would travel and get answers for the questions I formed from my research. I would loving gut the general officer ranks of the rot that's infesting the Pentagon; at least as much as I could. Combat commanders and people who could demonstrate critical thinking, reasonable risk assessment, and genuine loving leadership would rise. Fast. I would push to place a 10 year moratorium on general officers or acquisitions/contracting officers from taking executive positions at defense suppliers, contractors, and subs or "consulting" for them. I'd personally reach out to idiot O-5s, O-6s, and O-7s who implement policies that become infamous for pants-on-head stupidity, like the reflective belt nonsense. A phone call from the SecDef directly to a BDE or WG commander would probably end that poo poo pretty quickly. I would redirect funding from beautification projects and bullshit training courses (so...much...meaningless crap) to actual training: replacing the 1960s era hardware we practice against, enabling more realistic and comprehensive joint/coalition exercises, and continue expanding and improving virtual and constructive training where it makes sense. I'd order a realistic comparison of the status of current 6th generation fighter programs vs restarting the F-22 line. Whichever is realistically projected to be more viable in 10 years gets the nod; the Thunderbirds will be flying F-22s, the Blue Angels will get F-35s. This was a separate post intentionally.
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Feb 10, 2017 07:55
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Nostalgia4Murder posted:And doesn't it take an act of congress to demote a staff officer? Staff is an assignment, so I'm not sure what you mean. It takes a court martial, at least.
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Feb 10, 2017 07:56
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Godholio posted:Staff is an assignment, so I'm not sure what you mean. It takes a court martial, at least. I think he meant field grade officer.
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Feb 10, 2017 07:57
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:I think he meant field grade officer. Yeah that
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Feb 10, 2017 08:02
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Ah. No, I don't think Congress is involved at all. Commissions are signed by the service secretary, under direction of the SecDef and on behalf of the President. When a general is demoted, the court/board makes a recommendation but the decision rests with the service secretary.
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Feb 10, 2017 08:06
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Thank you for your shitposts.
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Feb 10, 2017 09:45
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For you yanks, what is the general view on other Allied militaries ( Brits, Germans, Dutch, Polish etc) and their branches? Any good Inter-Military poop stories?
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Feb 10, 2017 12:26
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:I wish I was allowed to probate you for that awful rhyme. It's called slant rhyming and I learned about it in writing school and it's a very skillful demonstration of my artistic capability and gently caress you suck my dick
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Feb 10, 2017 13:15
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Zeris posted:It's called slant rhyming and I learned about it in writing school and it's a very skillful demonstration of my artistic capability and gently caress you suck my dick That limerick you posted was poo poo Nobody thought it a hit But if you feel better With a whine and a fretter From the back you can suck my dick
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Feb 10, 2017 15:25
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Molentik posted:For you yanks, what is the general view on other Allied militaries ( Brits, Germans, Dutch, Polish etc) and their branches? At least in the Air Force, there's a lot of jealousy on how they're actually allowed to have fun, while we typically risk career-ending consequences for tagging along. Stuff like drinking beer in the desert, for example. And flying from highways. I've worked with air forces from the Brits, Aussies, Canadians, French, Germans, and several Gulf states. The Gulf pilots were mostly barely capable. I'd put their good dudes on par with an American who'd been fully qualified for less than a year...that said, most of my work with them was in a big exercise based out of the UAE so that might literally have been the case. The French were tactically proficient, but except for actual combat missions I found them completely unprofessional. The rest could flip the switch at any time and go from party mode to being as good or better than their American counterparts at any task at hand - critical thinking, various mission planning issues, and actual execution in-flight.
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Feb 10, 2017 16:06
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Godholio posted:At least in the Air Force, there's a lot of jealousy on how they're actually allowed to have fun, while we typically risk career-ending consequences for tagging along. Stuff like drinking beer in the desert, for example. And flying from highways. When my brother was in he flew with the Brits and Canadians a few times and was really impressed with both. He also really liked the Israelis and Jordanians as well because they seemed super laid back on the ground and really focused on the task at hand in the air.
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Feb 10, 2017 16:12
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I've worked with a very gay RAN officer and a cool as fun RAN chief. The chief and I area still homes and he's a warrant now in the RAN iirc. Dude pissed off the t-shirt commodore so loving much because he would flatly just flaunt his giant bushy beard. I've done exercises with the navies from Korea, Japan, Saudi Arabia, India, Australia, Canada, and a few others I'm certainly leaving out. The NATO phonetic alphabet was trouble for the Indians the most. The Japanese when passing messages would always end with "roger out-o" which I enjoyed because I'm a child. For the most part nothing pants on head retarded from anyone. The Saudis were pissed we didn't have an alcohol out for the reception on our ship before the exercises. Also many of the fat O-6 Saudi navy types were aghast that our commodore out there was a guy and his admiral boss was a woman. One of them actually asked me "he...works for her?!" and then they huddled up and conferred among his comrades. Mr. Nice! fucked around with this message at 16:36 on Feb 10, 2017 |
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Feb 10, 2017 16:31
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Godholio posted:At least in the Air Force, there's a lot of jealousy on how they're actually allowed to have fun, while we typically risk career-ending consequences for tagging along. Stuff like drinking beer in the desert, for example. And flying from highways. Well, now I wanna know how the French were unprofessional?
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Feb 10, 2017 17:17
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I wouldn't know, but I do know that interacting with the Canadians, Belgians, Slovaks, Poles, Brits, and the French....the French just looked at us like we were idiot scum and didn't even want to talk. This was a bunch of French Air Force people so I dunno. The French Canadians we worked with who were also infantry were the most friendly and chill dudes we met. The other Canadians we worked with cool as gently caress also. The British POGs at Lashkar Gah didn't want anything to do with us but we went to a range with their infantry and we got along great. We opened up with the .50 cal and one guy goes "WOOOOOOO!!!!! That's fuckin' AMERICA!" And then we let them shoot our m203's at which point their SGM came out screaming his head off about shooting explosives on a rifle range. Belgian Air Force we let play around in our Strykers and our guns, they let us play around in their F-16s. But yeah, the French Air Force were douchenozzles. They even got pissy when I started taking pictures of their Mirage fighters, whereas the Belgians were like yeah shoot away but had already warned us that the French were assholes.
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Feb 10, 2017 17:36
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 06:28 |
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Mike-o posted:the French just looked at us like we were idiot scum and didn't even want to talk. I mean, really, were they wrong?
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Feb 10, 2017 17:37
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