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CHINA SUNDAY BULLSHIT JOURNAL SLICE-OF-LIFE SNIPE - Feb. 12, 2017: I was supposed to go on a date today. I was waffling about it and not in the mood to meet anyone, but I decided to go just see the outcome. She's a professional dancer for Chinese theatre and CCTV stuff, so I was curious to see how she would be in person (a literal drama queen, or mellow normal person?). She had said she recently broke up with her boyfriend, who was also a white guy, but they were the same age. She thought I was about six years older than I really am, and I asked her what her age is, since she complained I was too young when she thought I was older. She's almost 47. Okay, now I had to find out if she looked as good as the photos. We met outside and she wanted to get some tea. The photos were not a lie and she was in such good shape that, if it were not for the age-related eye wrinkles when she smiled, I would have thought she was in her early thirties. Obviously the dance life paid off and she made sure to keep herself as healthy as China-possible. She probably had more muscle and definition than nearly all of the wet-noodle-bodied girls half her age here, even the ones that are going to the gym to uselessly walk 2km per hour while chatting on their phones. She wanted this one specific rip-off tea restaurant. As cheap as I am, I was crunching Rambos in my head and wondering how much this would cost me when I saw the menu. We ordered and it took about 15 minutes for them to make the tea. I was watching the "barista" girl all alone with the order receipts printing out non-stop, trying to guess which ones would be ours. We took the teas to a park and were talking. She starts complaining about her ex-boyfriend and I'm just thinking "Here we go..." He, a white guy, was nearly the same age as her. It was his first time working in China (yessss). They were together for almost a year, but his contract is almost finished and he told her "I loving hate China," and said to stop contacting him or coming over. She said he was becoming more and more angry. She also made it important to tell me that his dick was limp, which I guess was due to age-related conditions and stress. I felt sorry for him. To come to China in your mid-forties for the first time and try to work for a year has to be like every bad thing that leads to a full-blown mid-life crisis. She said he was complaining about the long work hours, and she basically called him a pussy because he was saying he had no free time to do the things he liked. I told her to stop talking about him and let him Rest In Peace. He'll leave soon and his life will be much better. Goons, if one of you could pour one out for Thomas, please do. She asked me about places I had been or lived, and when I mentioned India she asked "What do people in India eat? Rice? Or noodles?" I said they eat more than rice, and they also eat vegetables sometimes. She was shocked. The date went on and she kept trying to get me to do "date" stuff like shopping and see a movie, but I said I was going home to eat. She was pouting and I said maybe we can cook at her house, only a few blocks away. She said she would rather cook and stay the night at my house, which was more than an hour train ride away. I told her "next time," to which she got upset, and I left. She later sent me messages asking if I thought she was "terrible" for not letting me go to her house, and we can meet on Valentine's Day and make it a REAL Valentine's Day. I guess that means spending my money? On the way back I had to switch trains and go about 800m away above ground because they didn't finish the transfer hall yet. I was walking to the square and there's an early-twenties girl on the path leading there standing with with one foot on a skateboard. She's trying to practice out of view from everyone else, which I Mentalist-ed that she's brand new. I stop and watch her try to ride and she's about one wrong shift of weight to a cracked skull. I go up and stop her and tell her to get off, to which she follows, and I stand and demonstrate where the body weight should be and how to push without falling. She spoke English and started asking a lot of questions, telling me this was her first time to use one of these things and she got it as a New Year's gift from her girlfriend. I spent over an hour with her, much of the time pushing her back and forth in the square and showing her how to feel comfortable with her weight on the board. I asked her her name and she did the usual "Chinese name or English name?" She told me her Chinese name and then her English name. "Now it's Eleven, because that's my favorite number. Usually it is Tuesday." Why Tuesday? "Because when I was in school there were seven girls in one room. We each had to clean the room on one day, because seven girls and seven days. We decided to each have an English name from the day we clean the room... my day was Tuesday. Later, we got two more girls. The names for week days were already chosen, so their names became 'Today' and 'Tomorrow." Kek. Now we are Wechat friends and she wants to meet up soon to ride together. As I was walking to the Metro station, I heard her calling my name and I turn around and she's riding at me wobbly and dangerously to show off what she's learned, and shouted "thank youuuu so muuuuuuuuuuuuuch!!"
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Feb 12, 2017 15:19
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Known Lecher posted:Normally these Chinglish things are the result of someone half-assing it with Baidu Translate, but....that's exactly what it's called in Chinese too. Those things are 'Japanese tofu' which as far as I could tell they called that because they didn't like Japan and it sucked. It's made out of eggs or some thing. Slimy and jiggly and falls apart.
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Feb 12, 2017 15:29
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Gargamel Gibson posted:I hate it when you guys write a bunch of 农民 拉屎 小便 poo poo in the middle of your post and expect everyone to be able to read it. We're not all Chinese, you racist fucks. Please don't use 簡體 as it is very triggering to me. This is a 繁體 safe space.
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Feb 12, 2017 15:40
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Known Lecher posted:I'm not sure how what looks to be potato chunks stir-fried with ground pork and chilies is evocative of Little Japan but hell, I'd eat it. Asinine nationalism aside, it's a pretty tasty dish. My folks used to order it a lot when we lived in Malaysia.
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Feb 12, 2017 16:44
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Haier has me wondering what the Who's On First sketch is like in Chinese.
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Feb 12, 2017 16:48
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Haier posted:Now we are Wechat friends and she wants to meet up soon to ride together. As I was walking to the Metro station, I heard her calling my name and I turn around and she's riding at me wobbly and dangerously to show off what she's learned, and shouted "thank youuuu so muuuuuuuuuuuuuch!!" Dawwww, that's cute as hell. 
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Feb 12, 2017 17:14
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Haier what is this about you banning yourself? Your stories are great 
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Feb 12, 2017 17:16
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Pirate Radar posted:Haier has me wondering what the Who's On First sketch is like in Chinese. After doing my time in the ESL ranks I now believe a true test of fluency is your ability to understand this bit.
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Feb 12, 2017 17:23
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GoutPatrol posted:After doing my time in the ESL ranks I now believe a true test of fluency is your ability to understand this bit. Also a good barometer of taste.
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Feb 12, 2017 17:43
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Another big day with a huge amount of clothes shopping with the relatives. Caught up with sister just for a little while for dessert. Got some egg arts from a famous place that Chow Yun Fat came by recently who took photos with everyone. The white guy didn't come out as he was tired from work teaching English so he stayed home to play Xbox, I will see him tomorrow anyway. The relatives do call him the white guy which had me confused as to who they were talking about. Had a slightly weird talk with sister where I had a sort if reverse talk of what is going on in the DnD equivalent thread about how that we aren't Chinese but Hong Kong(ers)/people. Had the BEST duck for dinner at a famous restaurant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4geCelkihsw&t=17s Also had proper Sweet and Sour Pork which is nothing like that petroleum by product sauce you see everywhere else. It was very, very good. Stir fried shrimp and steamed rice with preserved meats which was better with duck sauce on it. People continue to steal looks at me for wearing a T-Shirt and Shorts. Relatives said that wearing such clothing in this weather would get me questioned by the police as I continue to look very out of place. Another busy day tomorrow, more shopping, this time for computer parts and getting the HKID replaced among other things. back of nose is burning from the pollution.
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Feb 12, 2017 17:46
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4196420/Chinese-master-s-student-beaten-death-boyfriend.htmlquote:Brilliant Chinese master's student, 24, who moved to Britain to further her education was beaten to death by her karate blackbelt boyfriend who left her with dozens of injuries So this news is hitting China and the angry "EVIL LAOWAI!" crowd are frothing. If "We Chinese" are all the same, that applies to "You non-Chinese" just as much. Even the Daily Mail aren't accepting comments on the article. Interestingly, the Chinese person that told me about the story thought it was CCP propaganda against foreigners and must be fake. Pirate Radar posted:Haier has me wondering what the Who's On First sketch is like in Chinese. "Today, what are you doing tomorrow?" "Tomorrow, Monday, and Thursday, and I go to the supermarket." "Why are you going to the supermarket so many times?" "No, Tuesday will go on Wednesday." "Where is Wednesday going?" "Wednesday and Sunday are the supermarket days." "I thought the days were the names?" "The names are the days, but the days we go are not the names, but instead the days of the names." "What?" "What? "The aristocrats?" "Yes." TTerrible posted:Haier what is this about you banning yourself? Your stories are great oohhboy posted:Journal post
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Feb 12, 2017 19:11
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I feel like any news story from China could be sloted in a The Aristocrats routine and just fit perfectly.
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Feb 12, 2017 19:30
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Haier posted:I don't know, just kinda wanted to do it. Maybe make a new account later and start fresh. Maybe an account for India, where my sex-less life has zero women in the stories and instead has tons of really frustrated jobless dudes and beggars and monkeys. At least there'll be stories of hot public monkey sex, monkey theft and gang violence.
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Feb 12, 2017 19:39
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Haier posted:I don't know, just kinda wanted to do it. Maybe make a new account later and start fresh. Maybe an account for India, where my sex-less life has zero women in the stories and instead has tons of really frustrated jobless dudes and beggars and monkeys. Can't pull birds in India? I have faith in you, Haier!
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Feb 12, 2017 19:40
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China and India content come together in a story of beautiful incompetence. Chinese soldier trapped in India goes home after 54 years http://www.irishtimes.com/news/world/asia-pacific/chinese-soldier-trapped-in-india-goes-home-after-54-years-1.2972697
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Feb 12, 2017 20:30
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Wait... China wouldn't issue him a passport?
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Feb 12, 2017 20:48
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LimburgLimbo posted:You've got actual teaching experience so you could probably swing something decent in Japan jfyi dat quality of life tho 
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Feb 12, 2017 22:13
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Blistex posted:China and India content come together in a story of beautiful incompetence. He read some Haier posts and decided to get some plunging done before he turned 80
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Feb 12, 2017 22:14
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twerking on the railroad posted:Wait... China wouldn't issue him a passport? I'm thinking that it takes that long to get service in India without a bribe.
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Feb 12, 2017 23:13
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Feb 13, 2017 03:30
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Haier posted:I like these. This thread needs more journal-style posts, I think. A majority of readers are not in China and maybe never will be, so slice-of-life stuff is p cool. I would be more than happy to continue posting about my stay here at the end of each day for everyone to enjoy. I little bit more detail from yesterday, I now have more than enough clothes to sort me out for the remainder of the stay as I got outfitted by the relatives. There isn't anything special about the shopping this as it is pretty much the same as their western counter parts except that the staff are constantly in a proverbial sprint mode as they handle multiple customers at great speed. The one exception is when they are making additional sales. The cashier would happily talk to you for several minutes holding up everyone else in line to get you to buy more items especially if there is a multi-buy discount. Normal Red Pocket type gift rules do not apply here. You are free to accept but take time to discuss the choices like thread count, colours(colour wash out), practicality, etc and take an above board amount of time getting exactly the right size. Do not accept unless it is a perfect fit. If there isn't, move on. This is Hong Kong so people do in fact wait in line and follow simple rules for lifts and escalators to ensure excellent traffic flow considering the conditions like when going up an escalator everyone no in a hurry stands on the right leaving a completely clear lane for runners to do up or down. I am not sure how this is enforced in the sense that everyone just understand and comply. I will be sure to ask. Air guns are very popular in Hong Kong, even more than I expected as one of my relatives has an arsenal of air guns that if they were real would make NRA members green with envy. I didn't think to ask at the time whether the M203 under-slung grenade launcher was operational or just for looks. I call most of these places apartments however there are as the sizes are pretty similar, but there is further breakdowns based on a couple more square meters here and there. So calling most places apartments can risk insulting your host so one says that "This is the place you live in and it is so big" and if anyone else asks if their place or another persons place is bigger, always say the current one is bigger unless it is blatantly a different size, however if theirs is small they are unlikely to ask in the first place. I also had dinner with a good friend from New Zealand last night who is here on tour/honeymoon with his Mainland/Canton wife. While he was with us she was riding him pretty hard to get back but she eventually relented claiming being tired and ended a little bit of rest in the hotel room before seeing him again. I gave him a Red Pocket to cover his rear end so that he had something to show for going out. I think I finally get the gifting procedure offer gift 2/3+ times each time being more insistent but the moment they sound a touch exasperated relent. They will then try to one up you by counter offering you a gift at which you push back on 2 times before accepting. After the gifts are accepted then it becomes a sort of proper exchange where giving back elements of the gifts is ok instead of re-gifting or getting a refund at the store. Reasons can be I can enjoy this or I can use it or there are other friends that you can gift this to instead. You push back a little bit like before but give in much quicker accepting their explanation whether it is asinine or not. This is actually more efficient and practical than western gift giving once you get pass the initial stage as it ensures that you don't give them something they don't want and it makes you deal with the unwanted gift. Anyway, I have to go, I will punch out another post when I get back.
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Feb 13, 2017 03:43
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now picture the max skate bike commercial with elderly chinese being chased by chengguan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01Pe7Q5sFfw
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Feb 13, 2017 04:07
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Chinese gifting: Hmm... This guy needs to travel 1000 miles across the country tomorrow, better give him 3 boxes of apples he will never eat, a box full of cartons of milk, a giant tin of powdered tree bark and 200 cans of some weird disgusting drink to carry.
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Feb 13, 2017 04:20
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LimburgLimbo posted:Found an old example; not the best of them but I usually don't take pics "Meraun"? Unless I'm reading one of those ra's as an u, I have no idea what your name is. WarpedNaba fucked around with this message at 06:13 on Feb 13, 2017 |
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Feb 13, 2017 05:44
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I'm the Chinese goon hauling the printer and hoping for a hug (spoiler: I lose a lot of face)
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Feb 13, 2017 06:00
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WarpedNaba posted:"Meraun"? Unless I'm reading one of those ra's as an u, I have no idea what your name is. Like I said they don't write names. That says ぬううん kind of a nonsense soudeffect.
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Feb 13, 2017 06:05
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Gargamel Gibson posted:I hate it when you guys write a bunch of 农民 拉屎 小便 poo poo in the middle of your post and expect everyone to be able to read it. We're not all Chinese, you racist fucks. I concur, why don't y'all give us some translations? I don't think you're a racist, how about elitist......... don't be that person. How am I supposed to know if this is funny or not? I want funny!! Stop being so coy!!
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Feb 13, 2017 06:36
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LimburgLimbo posted:Like I said they don't write names. It's a nice touch though.
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Feb 13, 2017 07:38
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It's a kitty sound. Look at the drawing.
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Feb 13, 2017 08:00
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Nucken Futz posted:I concur, why don't y'all give us some translations?
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Feb 13, 2017 09:02
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Haier what happened with that lesbian? Also when are we gonna see photos of 1970s japanese buiness dudes your father took?
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Feb 13, 2017 09:13
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A scene in the game Nioh got me to thinking (where the villain is shocked that a lord doesn't care if his daughter is killed by the villain), did Europeans during their fuedal age have as much rancor toward female heirs as Chinese/Korean/Japanese did? Has that been studied?
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Feb 13, 2017 09:45
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LimburgLimbo posted:In Japan they don't write names but some of the girls at the one near my office draw cute characters on the sleeve because I'm a regular There's one barista at a starbucks near my office building who does this. She's on a pokemon kick now and two of my coworkers got pikachu and snorlax on their cups recently, and the guy who got snorlax got sad cuz he assumed it was her calling him fat.
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Feb 13, 2017 09:49
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"European" is a big category but daughters were useful for the nobility. You could make deals through marriage, and a woman inheriting would cause problems but still happened frequently enough. For the peasants in most places men and women were a lot more equal than you might think and women running households and farms and stuff wasn't at all uncommon. The Romans were the most actively misogynistic European culture I can think of offhand.
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Feb 13, 2017 09:49
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Relin posted:A scene in the game Nioh got me to thinking (where the villain is shocked that a lord doesn't care if his daughter is killed by the villain), did Europeans during their fuedal age have as much rancor toward female heirs as Chinese/Korean/Japanese did? Has that been studied? Most probably. Middle ages were pretty bad on that front all around.
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Feb 13, 2017 10:26
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HK slice o life: glazier surprised that I will be fitting the glass myself but unlike the Cement Incident was very happy and pleasant, just wanted me to understand they didn't provide labour. Even when she realised I'd only be spending US$13 (which may well have had a whitey premium slapped on, but I'm happy with the price) she was happy to make the sale. I said I'd be back tomorrow with measurements. Also found a shop that had a website (shock!) and prices on it (double shock!!) to buy appliances from. I could saved about $25 on one item if I'd done it by whatsapp instead of going in person, but I also snagged a great price on the second - I think it was mis-listed in their catalogue, because on the manufacturer website it was over 3.5x the price and less than half the priceof what I'd seen more basic models go for elsewhere. I figured they'd push the sale through if I was there in front of them, whereas by whatsapp they might have gone away and corrected it.
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Feb 13, 2017 11:23
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simplefish posted:I also snagged a great price on the second - I think it was mis-listed in their catalogue, because on the manufacturer website it was over 3.5x the price and less than half the priceof what I'd seen more basic models go for elsewhere. I figured they'd push the sale through if I was there in front of them, whereas by whatsapp they might have gone away and corrected it. congrats on your intriguingly ambiguous purchase 
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Feb 13, 2017 11:49
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Not that intriguing. It was a make food hot thing and a smokey go bye bye thing
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Feb 13, 2017 12:31
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duterte posting https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/feb/13/philippine-bid-to-jail-nine-year-olds-is-a-great-child-violation-unicef-says quote:The current age of criminal responsibility in the Philippines is 15. President Rodrigo Duterte’s allies have been pushing to lower it, coupled with another draft bill that would restore the death penalty.
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Feb 13, 2017 15:19
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oohhboy posted:This is Hong Kong so people do in fact wait in line and follow simple rules for lifts and escalators to ensure excellent traffic flow considering the conditions like when going up an escalator everyone no in a hurry stands on the right leaving a completely clear lane for runners to do up or down. I am not sure how this is enforced in the sense that everyone just understand and comply. I will be sure to ask. In SZ try to do the "right side standing, left side walking" thing, but it never works out very well because there is always someone with luggage who is too weak to shift behind/in front of them, someone with a kid, some stupid couple that can't unlock their dumb gay arms, students, a pack of women talking, or a pack of office/business men coming back from a meal. For most of them, tapping them on the shoulder will make them step aside, since much of China operates on "if nobody says anything or brings attention to what I am doing, I can do it as much as I want." The pack of office guys will never budge for anyone though, because it's a game of Face and pretending to be a macho man for the first time in the day. ------ Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I have four different women wanting to stay the night or have dates (and then stay the night). I have denied them all, even the dancer woman I just met, because it's a normal work day and that Chaoshan girl I work with sometimes said she will treat me to dinner if I give her a hug. When sex is free but food costs money, I will always choose the food over sex. She asked me what I want to eat and I said pizza pizza pizza. At least two. She said it's a challenge to see what I can eat. I will prepare the stomachache kit. Many people I've talked to thought Valentine's Day was ONLY for couples or married people, and were shocked to find out that people can also go one dates together on that day.
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Feb 13, 2017 15:20
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