GWS General Chat: Damn I feel like a boss when I have one in each hand.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > GWS General Chat: Damn I feel like a boss when I have one in each hand.

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theres a will theres moe: Jan 10, 2007; Hair Elf

syntaxfunction posted:

Thank you mindphlux, you are always helpful!

Edit: I feel like that comment might seem sarcastic but seriously I enjoy most of mindphlux's posts. I don't post here much but I read Something Offal basically every day. Even though mindphlux (and others!) are highly opinionated on some things (you don't like the burger thread? Shame) basically everyone here is super helpful.

Would people mind if I made a thread next time I do lasagna so people can critique and give advice? Not NICSA or anything, just a post about lasagna.

You might consider making a thread about the broader topic of lasagna, and include whatever research you've done. Throw in your latest results and some Garfield gifs and some specific questions to kick things off.

But it's also cool to just post a thread about last night's lasagna, if that's what you want to do. The world is your gabagool.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 14:20

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# ? May 20, 2024 08:14

GrAviTy84: Nov 25, 2004

people still asking for permission to post threads in these parts, eh? just post it, I haven't been active in, like, years, and two of my megathreads are still on the first page... this place needs some new life.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 22:49

MrSlam: Apr 25, 2014; And there you sat, eating hamburgers while the world cried.

GrAviTy84 posted:

people still asking for permission to post threads in these parts, eh? just post it, I haven't been active in, like, years, and two of my megathreads are still on the first page... this place needs some new life.

I had an idea for posting a thread where I showcase a different baking recipe every week for a year for the sole purpose of there being a thread called God Is Bread (or alternatively, God Is Not Bread). But I'm having enough trouble cooking dinner let alone anything on a schedule.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 02:28

EVG: Dec 17, 2005; If I Saw It, Here's How It Happened.

The Serious Eats ragu bolognese was phenomenal when I tried it, and they have a lasagna recipe that uses it- I'd start there.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 04:26

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

syntaxfunction posted:

Thank you mindphlux, you are always helpful!

Edit: I feel like that comment might seem sarcastic but seriously I enjoy most of mindphlux's posts. I don't post here much but I read Something Offal basically every day. Even though mindphlux (and others!) are highly opinionated on some things (you don't like the burger thread? Shame) basically everyone here is super helpful.

Would people mind if I made a thread next time I do lasagna so people can critique and give advice? Not NICSA or anything, just a post about lasagna.

I'm just happy to see people actually talking about cooking who are interested in technique. Always happy to jump in where I can with RealContent, hope your bolognese game ends up strong!

and sorry to the burger thread folks, but 181 pages of loving pictures of burgers is just stupid. I had never visited the burger thread before the other day, and expected at least a chili-thread level of discussion about burgers, recipes, how to build them, something like that. nope. just 181 pages of pictures of goddamn burgers on the internet. and I love burgers. who hates a goddamn cheeseburger? but 181 pages of burgers is too many pages of burgers on the internet. too many pages of pictures about burgers on the internet. If there were another page of burger pictures on the internet - say, 182 pages of god loving drat burgers on the internet, it might just explode. and how would you feel if it was you who posted a picture of a burger on a page on a thread on a forum on the internet, and that burger picture broke the GODDAMN entire internet because it was so loving egregious and self-indulgently unnecessary and stupid? I IMAGINE PRETTY loving BAD IS HOW YOU WOULD FEEL SO DONT loving DO IT. (POST A PICTURE, OF A BURGER, ON THE INTERNET.) {LIKE AN IDIOT}

mindphlux fucked around with this message at 08:23 on Feb 12, 2017

# ? Feb 12, 2017 08:14

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

SAD.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 08:15

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Lol now i want a link to the burger drama

e: nm i found it lol

is the whole thread seriously just people posting pics of burgers they didnt cook

Cactus Ghost fucked around with this message at 09:26 on Feb 12, 2017

# ? Feb 12, 2017 09:19

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

OMGVBFLOL posted:

is the whole thread seriously just people posting pics of burgers they didnt cook

no they say 'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that picture of a burger sure looks good!' too.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 09:58

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

A burger thread where different meat grinds and methods would be good, but that was a GBS transplant thread from back when. I think this is the thread with the most recent burg cooking discussion.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 15:02

CommonShore: Jun 6, 2014; A true renaissance man

Let's be the change we want to see in the thread :frogsiren:

Patty

Medium ground beef
Smaller patty (6 oz tops) to reduce cooking time and prevent drying.
Grilled on a hot flat surface to maximize malliard and create a crust. Cook to medium.
Salt, pepper, garlic powder.

Toppings

fresh delicious bun. That the bun is fresh baked and sized appropriately is more important than any other bun considerations.
fresh non-iceberg lettuce
tomato
onion
pickle
mustard
a small amount of mayo if you dried your patty out
Bacon, fried mushroom, fried onion are all also delicious but should not be a crutch.
Cheese is good but unnecessary.

Whenever I go into a place that people say has REALLY GOOD BURGERS I order one with minimal toppings - not even cheese - to see how good it actually is. Nine times out of ten it's a dried as gently caress piece of garbage patty that's slathered with a bunch of fancy bullshi to disguise the failure. And ten times out of ten that fancy bullshit was actually made worse by having put it on a burger and would have been more enjoyable to eat with proper preparation.

Now let's spend a few pages telling me why I'm wrong.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 15:59

theres a will theres moe: Jan 10, 2007; Hair Elf

I try to proportion my burgers 1:2 pork to beef.
Then I blend up:
An onion
Rosemary
Basil
Soy sauce
Worcestershire sauce
Red pepper flakes
Pepper
An egg
Mustard powder
Cumin

And mix that into the meat with some panko. It's pretty much grilled meatloaf. They're really dang good though. Serve with toasted Kaiser buns and all the normal fixings. Grilled buns are important IMO.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 16:16

CommonShore: Jun 6, 2014; A true renaissance man

theres a will theres moe posted:

I try to proportion my burgers 1:2 pork to beef.
Then I blend up:
An onion
Rosemary
Basil
Soy sauce
Worcestershire sauce
Red pepper flakes
Pepper
An egg
Mustard powder
Cumin

And mix that into the meat with some panko. It's pretty much grilled meatloaf. They're really dang good though. Serve with toasted Kaiser buns and all the normal fixings. Grilled buns are important IMO.

I will agree that grilled buns are important. I overlooked that detail.

And I will accept your high-effort patties in the grounds that you acknowledged that they're meatloaf. Would eat.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 16:27

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

yall should be making these posts in the burger thread if the idea is to be the change

# ? Feb 12, 2017 20:20

Mr. Wiggles: Dec 1, 2003; We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.

You need grilled pastrami on the burger to really go to the next level. Also maybe an egg but that's pedestrian.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 22:22

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

Weirdly the SV thread asked about SV burgers, which are amazing deep fried, right after I made the post.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 23:05

GrAviTy84: Nov 25, 2004

Mr. Wiggles posted:

You need grilled pastrami on the burger to really go to the next level. Also maybe an egg but that's pedestrian.

gently caress yes. Grilled pastrami, chopped pickled Chiles, and grilled onions.

# ? Feb 12, 2017 23:32

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

e: nm

# ? Feb 13, 2017 05:30

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

my best burgers recently have been from beef short ribs. hand chopped to about an 1/8th inch dice, and bound together with just salt, maybe a little oyster sauce. I rest, and go as thin as I can with the patty without it just falling apart - getting a good protein primary bind is key.

then griddle, the fat melts off and it kinda frys itself. loving delicious.

good bun, kraft cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup - that's it for me. you can get fancy and grill the onion or add mushrooms or bacon or jalapeno or whatever, but not entirely necessary.

mindphlux fucked around with this message at 08:44 on Feb 13, 2017

# ? Feb 13, 2017 08:42

MiddleOne: Feb 17, 2011

Similar here. I gently form prime-rib mince (keeping the mince structure as intact as possible), salt and pepper heavily, pan-fry on a high temperature, flip, top with a mix of shredded strong and mild cheese and finish under a lid. Served with onions caramelized in thyme and lemon, pickles, mayo and lettuce. (and onions rings if its been a long week) Still haven't gotten around to trying to bake my own buns.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 10:01

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

Buns are super easy and delicious. For a nostalgia factor I just make my grandma's dinner rolls and shape them larger, but there are probably better things for burgers.

1 cup milk,
.25 cup water
3.25 cup flour
2.25 tsp yeast
1 tbs salt (I scale this way up, but also use diamond kosher)
2 tbs sugar
3 tbs butter

Make the dough, 2x expansion, punch, expand again, punch divide, let rise, flatten again for bun shape and bake at 365 till done with a butter wash. Eventually I'll convert this to weight.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 15:21

Squashy Nipples: Aug 18, 2007

If I've just got straight ground beef, I really like the smash burg method. But I don't have a proper vent, so it stinks up the whole house if I can't open the windows.

Pickles are super important on a burger. Like, just as important as the dill spears with a jewish deli sandwich.

I love melted cheese on top, but not bacon. Bacon seems like an unnecessary distraction.

Mr. Wiggles posted:

Also maybe an egg but that's pedestrian.

Yep, while burger is a classic place for a runny egg, we have to face the facts: it's 2017, and the "lets put a runny egg on loving everything" fad is finally losing steam.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 16:53

bartolimu: Nov 25, 2002

mindphlux posted:

kraft cheese

# ? Feb 13, 2017 17:48

The Midniter: Jul 9, 2001

bartolimu posted:

Aside from an egg sandwich, a burger is pretty much the only other acceptable use for sliced American cheese. It's just...right.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 17:54

Casu Marzu: Oct 20, 2008

The Midniter posted:

Aside from an egg sandwich, a burger is pretty much the only other acceptable use for sliced American cheese. It's just...right.

Instant ramen

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:43

Elizabethan Error: May 18, 2006

Casu Marzu posted:

Instant ramen

bartolimu posted:

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:48

MrSlam: Apr 25, 2014; And there you sat, eating hamburgers while the world cried.

The Midniter posted:

Aside from an egg sandwich, a burger is pretty much the only other acceptable use for sliced American cheese. It's just...right.

What's the proper way to slice a cheese? Every time I try slicing cheese from a block for a burger (or for anything) I can never get it thin enough, or I shave off 2 or 3 separate pieces. Should I just git gud?

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:52

Flash Gordon Ramsay: Sep 28, 2004; Grimey Drawer

MrSlam posted:

What's the proper way to slice a cheese? Every time I try slicing cheese from a block for a burger (or for anything) I can never get it thin enough, or I shave off 2 or 3 separate pieces. Should I just git gud?

You should be making processed slices of your favorite cheese ahead of time.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:58

Mr. Wiggles: Dec 1, 2003; We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.

MrSlam posted:

What's the proper way to slice a cheese? Every time I try slicing cheese from a block for a burger (or for anything) I can never get it thin enough, or I shave off 2 or 3 separate pieces. Should I just git gud?

They make cheese knives which are a piece of piano wire mounted between two poles, sometimes on a hinged base. These work very well.

Otherwise just get better at slicing cheese with a knife.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:40

OBAMNA PHONE: Aug 7, 2002

i've always used these types of cheese slicers and they work fine

https://www.amazon.com/Norpro-Stainless-Steel-Cheese-Slicer/dp/B000SSYY88/ref=lp_289760_1_4?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1487011662&sr=1-4

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:48

GrAviTy84: Nov 25, 2004

MrSlam posted:

What's the proper way to slice a cheese? Every time I try slicing cheese from a block for a burger (or for anything) I can never get it thin enough, or I shave off 2 or 3 separate pieces. Should I just git gud?

knife

inbound. what knife are you using? how cold is the cheese.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:52

MrSlam: Apr 25, 2014; And there you sat, eating hamburgers while the world cried.

Mr. Wiggles posted:

They make cheese knives which are a piece of piano wire mounted between two poles, sometimes on a hinged base. These work very well.

This is the kind of cheese slicer I used to use a lot, but the wire always gets stretched out pretty quick which is why I haven't replaced my last one. I considered making one like in Good Eats but I don't eat an ungodly amount of cheese to justify crafting one.

BraveUlysses posted:

i've always used these types of cheese slicers and they work fine
https://www.amazon.com/Norpro-Stainless-Steel-Cheese-Slicer/dp/B000SSYY88/ref=lp_289760_1_4?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1487011662&sr=1-4

I'll pick one of these up the next time I'm at the kitchen store. Thanks.

GrAviTy84 posted:

knife inbound. what knife are you using? how cold is the cheese.

The cheese is cold :cripes:

and the knives we have aren't regularly sharpened, we just use whatever dull piece of crap we have lying around. I wonder if Sherlock Holmes could solve this case.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:56

Casu Marzu: Oct 20, 2008

Elizabethan Error posted:

look at this scrub that has never put a slice of cheese in a kimchi ramen before

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:01

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

The Midniter posted:

Aside from an egg sandwich, a burger is pretty much the only other acceptable use for sliced American cheese. It's just...right.

grilled cheese sandwich philly cheese steak sandwich jack in the box taco chili dog breakfast burrito you're wrong wrong wrong

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:13

SymmetryrtemmyS: Jul 13, 2013; I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

MrSlam posted:

This is the kind of cheese slicer I used to use a lot, but the wire always gets stretched out pretty quick which is why I haven't replaced my last one. I considered making one like in Good Eats but I don't eat an ungodly amount of cheese to justify crafting one.

I'll pick one of these up the next time I'm at the kitchen store. Thanks.

The cheese is cold and the knives we have aren't regularly sharpened, we just use whatever dull piece of crap we have lying around. I wonder if Sherlock Holmes could solve this case.

If your cheese is thin enough to fit on one axis, you can use a vegetable peeler. This works well for supermarket blocks of cheese but perhaps less well for brie.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:16

GrAviTy84: Nov 25, 2004

MrSlam posted:

This is the kind of cheese slicer I used to use a lot, but the wire always gets stretched out pretty quick which is why I haven't replaced my last one. I considered making one like in Good Eats but I don't eat an ungodly amount of cheese to justify crafting one.

I'll pick one of these up the next time I'm at the kitchen store. Thanks.

The cheese is cold and the knives we have aren't regularly sharpened, we just use whatever dull piece of crap we have lying around. I wonder if Sherlock Holmes could solve this case.

cold is actually better for slicing, it doesn't smush the shape of the block.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:28

Elizabethan Error: May 18, 2006

Casu Marzu posted:

look at this scrub that has never put a slice of cheese in a kimchi ramen before

calling american 'cheese' is a stretch imo.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:39

bongwizzard: May 19, 2005; Then one day I meet a man,
He came to me and said,
"Hard work good and hard work fine,
but first take care of head"; Grimey Drawer

Squashy Nipples posted:

Yep, while burger is a classic place for a runny egg, we have to face the facts: it's 2017, and the "lets put a runny egg on loving everything" fad is finally losing steam.

No way, runny egg has always been great and will always be great.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:56