/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I got a baby head jammed in my ribs and can't bend forward because of it. Few more weeks to go!

Still entertaining the idea of posting video of the rolling and bulging to /childfree to see just how many people I can make literally shake

this sounds painful

What's your account from

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:22

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# ? May 31, 2024 09:45

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Ha hahahhahahahah two months and he writes that, no shock she doesn't want him.

I specially love her reassurances that, yes, she showed his weirdo manifesto to everyone she knows, and the consensus is that he's just wrong.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:30

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Mirthless posted:

"can we have a threesome?" may have also been an approach worth trying first

While it's obvious his (ex-)girlfriend just didn't give a poo poo, proposing a threesome is the perfect fix for their issue without shattering the relationship. But that implies she cared about their relationship enough to not guilt him into buying her a hooker for Valentine's Day.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:37

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

jfc did yall do anything this weekend besides argue about anime and loving Mirthless

Me [28 M] with my ex-girlfriend [27 M/F] Left me after I wrote an email spilling my guts

I did not have sex with Mirthless, no.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:46

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Letter-sender's girlfriend was already going to break up with him anyway. If a girl isn't excited to kiss you she probably doesn't like you that much

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:50

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

The girl [22F] that I [25M] have been dating for a month doesn't seem to use the bathroom

quote:

[quote]
I searched around to see if anyone had ever posted something similar to this, and I found a thread from a year ago from a girl whose boyfriend doesn't use the toilet. He turned out to be peeing in bottles. Well, my situation is different. I don't think my girlfriend goes in weird places. I think she just doesn't go.

Callie and I met about a month ago and just went on our eighth date last night. I've never seen her to go the bathroom, ever, at all. Last night we went out to a movie. She didn't go before, during, or after the movie. Then we went out to dinner. She didn't go at all during dinner. Finally, we ended up at my place. She stayed for about an hour and a half, and she still did not go. This is how I know it isn't a peeing in a bottle situation. She literally does not excuse herself to the bathroom ever. Now, I've also noticed that she doesn't drink a lot of fluids. She never orders a drink when we go out, just sips on her water. But I don't think a lack of fluids can explain this. We've never spend the night together (or had sex if it matters) but we spent 10 hours together on Saturday and she didn't go. I don't see how it's possible to not pee for 10 straight hours, if you're drinking enough water to survive. And how she could have not had to pee at any point during the last eight dates.

I guess this isn't really causing a problem in our relationship, but it's bothering me because I'm just so baffled. I can't come up with a single plausible explanation for why she doesn't go. Should I just leave it alone? Or is there a nice way I can bring it up?

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:50

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Obviously dating a robot.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:51

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

The girl [22F] that I [25M] have been dating for a month doesn't seem to use the bathroom

oh my god this girl doesn't drink on dates because she doesn't want her boyfriends to know she pees

i wonder who was responsible for this complex?

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:52

sout: Apr 24, 2014

Mirthless posted:

i wonder who was responsible for this complex?

and what his reddit username is

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:55

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

The girl [22F] that I [25M] have been dating for a month doesn't seem to use the bathroom

Either this is some fetish or she had a really messed up childhood. Assuming dude just isn't noticing his girlfriend going to the bathroom very quickly when he isn't in the room, it's kind of sad, really. :ohdear:

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:56

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

I mean, does HE go to the bathroom? Maybe she just sneaks it while he's away

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:58

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

I think you guys are missing the obvious. It's right in front of you...

# ? Feb 13, 2017 18:59

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Mirthless posted:

oh my god this girl doesn't drink on dates because she doesn't want her boyfriends to know she pees

i wonder who was responsible for this complex?

I have zero doubt that with a minimum of digging you can find the boyfriend who flips the gently caress out when he discovers his girlfriend does unladylike things like peeing, but that story's depressing while this one is funny

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:00

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

she's doing a very good job in that aspect of the scenario

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:01

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Parsley posted:

Even for a venting journal, it is pretty weird to put that much effort and attention into the whole thing. When your vent has a narrative, it's maybe worth looking internally at why. E: Hence being in therapy, I suppose!

Or Ellen really is a slag.

Journal lady strikes me as the kind of woman who is incredibly jealous, and can't seem to stop being jealous, but knows that they're crazy, but doesn't know what to do about being crazy. It is admittedly incredibly hard to not be jealous or possessive of a person that you love if you're insecure about yourself.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:06

monkeytennis: Apr 26, 2007; Toilet Rascal

Psycho Society posted:

I think you guys are missing the obvious. It's right in front of you...

We just don't want to think about it.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:06

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Pvt.Scott posted:

Eugenics from a purely genetics-based view with the goal to solely eliminate birth defects and congenital diseases and the like is an ok idea.

No it isn't. And any standard for what constitutes a defect is subjective. Unless it means killing all the white people because they get sunburned due to not making enough melanin, which I guess is fine

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:07

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Pick posted:

No it isn't. And any standard for what constitutes a defect is subjective. Unless it means killing all the white people because they get sunburned due to not making enough melanin, which I guess is fine

Please, someone, anyone, save the pearls.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:08

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

I love white people

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:10

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Barudak posted:

Please, someone, anyone, save the pearls.

Nice reference :c00l:

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:10

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

loving Bob is at it again
Me (28f) and my coworker (29MtF) are at a loss at what to do with a (early20M) new hire who is taking advantage of the restroom situation.

quote:

Please forgive any ignorance on my part, I'm still not 100% sure on the proper terminology for transgender people.

At work, I have a coworker/friend who I have seen go through her transition, I will refer to her as Linda. She hasn't had surgery yet, but is saving up money for it. She was very nervous about transitioning at first, but our company is very open minded and liberal (we both work at a hip software company). In general she didn't find that she was treated any differently. HR even sent out an email about if you identify as female you are welcome to use the women's restroom, or if you identify as male you are welcome to use the men's restroom. Linda started to use the women's restroom and no one had any issues. Linda felt comfortable using them too, so all was good for awhile! No one cared who was using the bathroom, as it should be.

Well, we recently had a new hire, let's call him "Bob." Apparently in our new hire meetings the HR team lets them know they are LGBT friendly, and if you personally identify as a female (or male) you can use the restroom of your choice. Bob started to ask some questions to see if there were any transgender people in the office. Someone eventually told him about Linda. The questions that I overheard him ask weren't hateful, just really nosy, immature and curious. I kinda rolled my eyes and hoped that would be the end of Bob's curiosity.

It wasn't. Soon Bob started to ask other people about if it was really true you could use a bathroom of your choice. I overheard other people's answers which were basically, "if you personally identify as a woman, then yes you can use the women's restroom." Bob would immaturely giggle at this but just accept the answer.

Bob has now decided he wants to identify as a woman, Bob even gave himself a new name, a ridiculous female sounding name at that. I'm quite confident this is bullshit. He will frequently go in to the women's restroom. He technically hasn't broken any rules, yet. Now, I have NO problem using the restroom if Linda happens to be in there too. But, if I happen to be in the restroom the same time Bob is... it's weird. He seems to walk up and down the stalls, and you know how when you're on the toilet and you make uncomfortable eye contact with someone in between the cracks, and it's uncomfortable for both people? He seems to be doing this on purpose. He also seems to follow people in the ladies restroom too, he'll go into the restroom and not even do anything at all, just go in for a moment and come out. I hope I'm wrong, but I think I've heard him possibly masturbating in a stall while I was peeing. However, I don't know that for sure, but I am a grown woman who knows what that sounds like.

Other women have complained about it too, but there is no proof that he's doing anything wrong. Anything I've mentioned could be considered an accident, like making eye contact through the cracks, and I really don't have any proof he was touching himself. I can't say anything about the frequency of his bathroom breaks either. I don't know what to do? Is this enough information to complain to HR? Linda has complained as well because she feels like he is taking advantage of the system.

Neither Linda or myself believe for a moment he is MtF. I feel like there may be some comments that there is a possibility that he could be MtF, but I'm leaning towards a strong nope. For what it's worth, he does have a Trump 2016 sticker on his truck. Not that trans people can't vote for Trump, but it's less likely that they would (or anyone with common sense would).

Would it be worth trying to have a professional conversation with him? He does seem very young and immature, so it could be he just needs to grow the gently caress up. Is there enough information to go to HR about his behavior? I don't want to ruin Linda's new freedom, but Bob is making us all cringe.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:14

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

holy poo poo shut the gently caress up about whatever derail you're on

I don't know what the derail is because I'm still 30 pages behind but I'm willing to bet there's at least one dumb derail going on right now. Possibly two.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:17

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Weird hill to die on, Bob. Real weird.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:18

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

A year into our relationship and I (24F) just found out my boyfriend (33M) is a registered sex offender.

OH GEE I WONDER IF THE AGE GAP WAS A FACTOR

quote:

[Will try to keep this short as short as possible but there's a lot of info. I'll be around most of the day to respond to comments and questions.]

He didn't come out and tell me. I found the address change form in a drawer in the bedroom we share (not snooping, just trying to reorganize). It was partly filled out with his (in the offender box) and his mother's name. Stayed calm, asked him to explain.
Turns out he's a "Level 1" registered sex offender, which means his picture/info is not online. I looked of course, nothing. Says it happened around 10 years ago and all he has to do is register for 20. The offense was "sexual misconduct". But the story seems shady and I don't know how to proceed.

He said he was driving his niece (who is around my age) and her friend (don't know her, and he didn't tell me her name or age at the time) home one night. Dropped his niece off first and then went to take her friend home and got pulled over. The cop was harassing him, implying that the two were having sex. He claims they weren't doing anything and that he denied it to the cop... but after repeated questioning he eventually responded, sarcastically, "Yeah we were loving". Apparently the cop took that as a confession and he was charged. The girl or the girl's parents did not have anything to do with pressing charges, he says it was just the state.

That's all I got out of him. Is there any way I can find out more information about the case for my own peace of mind? He told me there are no records.

The relationship is great overall but this isn't the first red flag or hidden truth I've discovered. When we first started talking he lied about his age (said he was 28, and that he "forgot" when I confronted him) and misled me about his real name (convinced me a nickname was his birth name). He did tell me when we started talking that he went to jail last year for a few months for selling marijuana.

We started off as an LDR but I got a job in his area and moved out here (NY). We've been living with his family ever since. Everyone is wonderful to me, and he really is a sweet guy. There's more to our background, but I don't know how much is relevant to the story.

I guess I just wanted to share, see if anyone has any similar experiences, and ask for advice about continuing this relationship. I'm very much in love and see a future with him. But I also understand that my feelings keep me from looking at this objectively.

What would you do?

Tl;dr: Boyfriend "forgot" to tell me he's been a registered sex offender for ~10 years. Don't know whether to believe his version of events and continue the relationship.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:21

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Psycho Society posted:

I think you guys are missing the obvious. It's right in front of you...

...is she a camel? Are they both camels??

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:23

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

The Bob update was that he was indeed spying and being a creep, and trying to set up grounds for a phony lawsuit by the sounds of it

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:27

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

54 40 or gently caress posted:

The Bob update was that he was indeed spying and being a creep, and trying to set up grounds for a phony lawsuit by the sounds of it

Also, speaking for men as a gender: If you think we're jacking off there's like an 85% chance we are.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:30

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

WampaLord posted:

He said he was driving his niece (who is around my age) and her friend (don't know her, and he didn't tell me her name or age at the time) home one night. Dropped his niece off first and then went to take her friend home and got pulled over. The cop was harassing him, implying that the two were having sex. He claims they weren't doing anything and that he denied it to the cop... but after repeated questioning he eventually responded, sarcastically, "Yeah we were loving". Apparently the cop took that as a confession and he was charged. The girl or the girl's parents did not have anything to do with pressing charges, he says it was just the state.

lol that's a lie for sure. For sure.

If you're gonna lie at least make up a plausible story ffs. My reaction would be "oh so you're a registered sex offender and didn't tell me about it and also you apparently think I'm a loving idiot."

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:30

Parsley: Jul 17, 2012

quote:

There's more to our background, but I don't know how much is relevant to the story.

It always ends up being very very relevant. It'll be that she's caught him looking up 15+ porn or something.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:32

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Oh man, you gotta stay with the guy with a nice family. I mean sure hes a multiple conviction including sex offenses chronic liar who seemingly contributes nothing but his family is just so gosh darn nice.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:32

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Parsley posted:

It always ends up being very very relevant. It'll be that she's caught him looking up 15+ porn or something.

Probably 'jailbait' or 'young teen' style stuff yeah.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:33

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Psycho Society posted:

I think you guys are missing the obvious. It's right in front of you...

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you, I piss myself
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah ah oh ah

Jeza posted:

...is she a camel? Are they both camels??

My brain says he just doesn't notice, but my heart says diaper fetish.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 19:53

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

fruit on the bottom posted:

My brain says he just doesn't notice, but my heart says diaper fetish.

Catheter and a pee bag, maybe?

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:02

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Moridin920 posted:

lol that's a lie for sure. For sure.

If you're gonna lie at least make up a plausible story ffs. My reaction would be "oh so you're a registered sex offender and didn't tell me about it and also you apparently think I'm a loving idiot."

to be fair she let him get away with lying about his age, name, and going to jail for selling drugs and kept dating him so she's probably not too bright

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:05

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

He was honest about going to jail....(internet) jury's still out on whether it was really for selling weed though.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:08

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Moridin920 posted:

lol that's a lie for sure. For sure.

If you're gonna lie at least make up a plausible story ffs. My reaction would be "oh so you're a registered sex offender and didn't tell me about it and also you apparently think I'm a loving idiot."

I'm surprised he didn't go for the old "a cop caught me peeing" standby that so many people seem to employ

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:09

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Honestly if you're not paying for a background check on anyone who makes it past date 3 you're not looking out for yourself.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:09

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Even if his story is true (it isn't), I wouldn't want to date someone who got arrested for mouthing off to a cop, because that person will likely mouth off again to the wrong person.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:12

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

Even if his story is true (it isn't), I wouldn't want to date someone who got arrested for mouthing off to a cop, because that person will likely mouth off again to the wrong person.

to be fair a lot of people say stupid things (even to cops) when they're 23

i think most people would have the common sense to not mouth off about loving a 13 year old tho

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 20:20 on Feb 13, 2017

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:15

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# ? May 31, 2024 09:45

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I was smart as hell at 23. Very smart. So smart you wouldn't believe it.

# ? Feb 13, 2017 20:28

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