The Management posted:

I fantasize about self killing but in my fantasies I'm you

LethalGeek posted:

Slightly late but if you live somewhere that has a HOA you're a bad person and should feel bad for that simple fact.

quote:

I'm convinced my girlfriend is cheating on me.
For the first few years we dated, she would slobber all over my dick like it was a popsicle in the middle of summer. She would lie on the floor in a skirt and tank top and look at me with those "do me" eyes, her chest getting flushed red as she scratched her nails down my back.
These days, though, all we ever do is watch TV. When we go to bed, she immediately wraps herself in a blanket and goes to sleep.
Recently, it was my birthday. She gave me a dry three-fingered handjob, then, as usual, mummified herself and went to sleep.
Two days ago, on Feb 13th, she asked me what time I'd be home from work the next day (ie Valentine's Day.) I thought it was weird, I get home at around the same time every night. I asked her why, and she said "Just wondering." Then winked at me.
Driving home yesterday, I was thinking that maybe she was going to surprise me with some sexy lingerie or something. But when I came in, she was half asleep on the couch. I gave her the flowers and chocolate I'd gotten for her, and told her that I was going to make a nice dinner. But she told me she'd already eaten.
So I made myself some scrambled eggs and we spent the night watching TV. She went to bed not too long ago. I attempted to lie down with her, but she took up most of the bed and didn't even try to move to make any room for me.
Now here I am, typing this in a different room, wondering what happened. I am fairly fit, maybe not as cut as I was when we first met, but the years will do that to you. I make delicious food, and as I was taught to believe, women love men who cook. I've never hurt her, physically or mentally.
Perhaps I'm just a big teddy bear in her eyes. That ratty old one she would rather just stuff in the attic and forget about. It's how it seems these days.

quote:

I am currently dating my former Aunt.

She married my mom's brother. They were together about 15 years, then he passed away.

There was definitely always an attraction between my "Aunt" and I, but we both respected her marriage and never acted on it. We had a few weird encounters, mostly at family pool parties, and I did finger her one time. But I was 17 at the time and would have fingered anything with a pulse, so I brushed it off and we never spoke of it again.

My uncle passed away in 2014 and we started secretly dating a few weeks later. We are considering becoming public but society looks down on us for the obvious reason of our age gap. She's 48 and I'm only 29. Couple that with how close we were when I was growing up, and some people incorrectly see her as some kind of pedo, or me as some kind of weird gold digger.

Adam Vegas posted:

lmao @ him saying he never acted on it then immediately admitting to fingering her in a pool at 17

KomodoWagon posted:

You should probably not say anything if you're not prepared to lose her. You'd be surprised how effective silence is at keeping a relationship going. You'll both just coast along without any big emotional outbursts in one direction or another, and before you know it another ten years have passed and soon you'll both be too used to the status quo to consider leaving. It might not be "happiness" in the classic Hollywood sense, but it's manageable and you avoid having to deal with any big drama.

quote:

I live on a hillside and chuck a lot of my garbage over the hill since the city charges extra money to throw away big items like furniture, etc. It's easier to just toss these things over the hill than drive out to the landfill or pay the ridiculous fees for using the garbage truck. It's out of sight for me, nobody lives further down the hill as it's all wooded and just has one rural road on it, so nobody gets hurt.

This has been no issue for the 3 years I lived in my house, but we've gotten some really bad weather lately and a bunch of rain has washed away some of the leaves and fallen branches which was covering the garbage. Some lookie-loo was driving by and noticed my garbage pile on the hill. He specifically noticed the pile of tombstones there, proceeded to call the police, and now there's a bit of craziness locally as this has made the news.

So anyway, the confession. When I first moved in I was exploring in the woods to scope out my property and realized that my property is really close to the back of a modern cemetery. No big deal, I'm not spiritual or superstitious at all. I started walking the perimeter and, tucked a few hundred feet back in the woods, there was a smaller, older cemetery. The tombstones all had dates of death around 1820 or even earlier, so it was pretty cool. The place was really beautiful, it was this little untouched meadow that I don't think people had visited in decades, since there was a ton of overgrowth all around it.

I went in there the next day with my power tools and cut back all the overgrowth and realized I had a really beautiful view over the hill from here, so I decided to install a hot tub up there for chilling out. However, the scattered tombstones kind of hosed it up and I didn't have anywhere to put the tub.

So, and I fully admit some people might consider this kind of bad, I dug up a couple of the tombstones and tossed them over the hill. Just 7 of them, out of almost 20 in the cemetery. I didn't move any bodies and nobody was using the cemetery anyway.

So now the police are investigating and of course I've been talked to a few times. I've told them I never saw anyone dump anything, and they don't seem to suspect anything yet. The day after they talked to me I considered tossing my hot tub over the hillside but thought that might be suspicious, so instead I mentioned that "some college kids" used to live in my house and I noticed they had installed a hot tub on the hill, and that maybe that had something to do with it? The first part is the honest to God truth so hopefully the cops bust them instead of me.

quote:

With all my heart, I wish Goku (From Dragonball/Z/Super) was the President.

I am utterly terrified with the state of US Politics right now and I know Goku would fix it. He's not a smart guy but he's not evil and at least he's got smart people (Piccolo for VP?) that can back him up.

Every morning I wake up and look at Trump's tweets. And I'm praying for the day he tweets something like "Anime is dumb, Goku is dumb. Freeza had some good ideas". Because I honestly think that might do some kind of magic where Goku would become real and Kamehameha Trump right out of the White House.

I am a 33 year old man saying this.

KomodoWagon posted:

You should probably not say anything if you're not prepared to lose her. You'd be surprised how effective silence is at keeping a relationship going. You'll both just coast along without any big emotional outbursts in one direction or another, and before you know it another ten years have passed and soon you'll both be too used to the status quo to consider leaving. It might not be "happiness" in the classic Hollywood sense, but it's manageable and you avoid having to deal with any big drama.

LethalGeek posted:

What is wrong with you

LethalGeek posted:

What is wrong with you

LethalGeek posted:

What is wrong with you

HiHo ChiRho posted:

what do you want on your tombstone?

HiHo ChiRho posted:

what do you want on your tombstone?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Quite a gulf between "true love and the One are dumb concepts" and "settle into a sexless relationship without even trying to see why" my man

KomodoWagon posted:

You should probably not say anything if you're not prepared to lose her. You'd be surprised how effective silence is at keeping a relationship going. You'll both just coast along without any big emotional outbursts in one direction or another, and before you know it another ten years have passed and soon you'll both be too used to the status quo to consider leaving. It might not be "happiness" in the classic Hollywood sense, but it's manageable and you avoid having to deal with any big drama.

Chard posted:

Please do not reply to komodowagon, jfc

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I've known people that take them routinely even when in a committed relationship.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

read his red text link lol

food court bailiff posted:

KomodoWagon is awesome because it's really obvious that all their tremendously stupid opinions are the result of decades of being so insufferable that everyone openly hates them. Every time he posts it's like a brutal self-own and he doesn't even get it.

KomodoWagon posted:

Idk I was responding to a 'fesser whose girlfriend has obviously lost interest in him and giving him advice on how to avoid that fact ballooning into a breakup. In his stead it's probably not how I'd handle it myself, since I'm not about to waste time on someone who offers me nothing and doesn't make my life better or more interesting, but since he didn't bring up calling it quits and severing I assumed he didn't want that.

Like, let's say he did talk to her about it. How would that ever work out in his favor? Either she admits she's lost interest in him, or she pulls some bullshit and stalls. As it is, the ball's in his court and he can choose to either keep their boring relationship going or cut loose. Talking to her like you guys are suggesting just passes it on to her and gives her the last word.

H.H posted:

I apologize in advance if the confessions won't be updated as regularly as you've come to expect since in the next few days loquacius is away and I have a throat infection.

I'll try to do what I can. Here's the latest batch:



The second confession basically describes polyphasic sleep and is 99% likely to be bullshit, but I found the second part to be entertaining, so I still posted it.

H.H posted:

quote:

I'm convinced my girlfriend is cheating on me.

Danaru posted:

KomodoWagon posted:

Idk I was responding to a 'fesser whose girlfriend has obviously lost interest in him and giving him advice on how to avoid that fact ballooning into a breakup. In his stead it's probably not how I'd handle it myself, since I'm not about to waste time on someone who offers me nothing and doesn't make my life better or more interesting, but since he didn't bring up calling it quits and severing I assumed he didn't want that.

Like, let's say he did talk to her about it. How would that ever work out in his favor? Either she admits she's lost interest in him, or she pulls some bullshit and stalls. As it is, the ball's in his court and he can choose to either keep their boring relationship going or cut loose. Talking to her like you guys are suggesting just passes it on to her and gives her the last word.