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naem posted:I think he's from this alternate dimension I've heard of, where normal things like owlbears and kolbalds are just imaginary things in a game based on fictional novels. I love those people. But only the ones who think they know what's what, and that their dreams came true, and now they'll be some big hero. They're adorable. Now, the truly clueless and innocent? Those are trouble. I went to school with Mrs. Of The West, and even though we weren't friends, we kept in touch. Really tragic, what happened.
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Feb 11, 2017 03:59
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you've really gotta be careful with those outworlders. I was born into a steampunk realm where some rear end in a top hat who lived in a trailer crash landed in our world and was recruited by some excentric dickbag in a baloon and before I could do anything he's assembled the Staff Of Oblivion and killed my sister Hecubah. All of a sudden I'm being hunted and I have to exit into a medieval-world and my quality of life went backwards by a lot.
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Feb 11, 2017 04:10
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basic hitler posted:you've really gotta be careful with those outworlders. I was born into a steampunk realm where some rear end in a top hat who lived in a trailer crash landed in our world and was recruited by some excentric dickbag in a baloon and before I could do anything he's assembled the Staff Of Oblivion and killed my sister Hecubah. All of a sudden I'm being hunted and I have to exit into a medieval-world and my quality of life went backwards by a lot. Quit lying assfuck. Your bitch of a sister had a house dropped on her by some "muggle" from loving Kansas. That bitch spent all day with three fucks that couldn't find their collective body parts from a loving apple orchard. Your family lineage is a forgotten as a poppy field
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Feb 11, 2017 04:31
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VendaGoat posted:Quit lying assfuck. oh yeah motherfucker? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbVm86e_aic
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Feb 11, 2017 04:38
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basic hitler posted:oh yeah motherfucker? Yah I played that poo poo game, after I summoned a loving low level Tanar'ri to loving bring me an idiot box. Pssssh.
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Feb 11, 2017 04:49
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nox is better than diablo 2
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Feb 11, 2017 04:52
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basic hitler posted:i dont know why you keep saying that i've broken the laws no less than six times, as has been convenient for me. I am not saying you have broken The Laws, they are different for evil wizards such as ourselves. Knowing and Keeping the Laws is a shortcut for quick power gains. (Keep the Laws) Rutibex posted:im chaotic evil, lawful evil is for losers When a loving barbarian is able to defeat your laughably halfassed evil schemes, you will change your tune. Hobelhouse posted:Hey thread, need some help here. I've been considering going evil ever since I was accepted to magical school, but I'm having a hard time deciding on a major. I've been mostly taking classes in Hexing but lately I've felt a really strong draw to necromancy since it seems win win: kill an enemy, get a skeleton. Only problem is that the extra credits would keep me from taking any more courses in Dark Artificing, and I've always wanted to make a black amulet to store the soul of my nemesis in. Any necromantiphiliacs out there who can give me the inside scoop on if the lifestyle is all it's cracked up to be? How's your work/unlife balance? The market is oversaturated with necromancers at this point. Dark Artifice is an emerging market. ghosthorse posted:The draw back to dark artificing in general is that you have to move shops every time you sell an item, immediately after they leave your store. That kind of address hopping can play hell on maintaining a business license. Have you considered interning for an established necromancer to get a feel for it? Sure, necromancers say they will offer you a work-to-hire contract, but the odds are you will just become a skeleton before they remember to offer you full time employment. Cobweb Heart posted:I don't suppose any of you would have the whim to help a wizard? I commissioned a portrait of my fellow dark sorceror, Black Gandalf, and unfortunately no longer remember the name of the artist or the painting. All my scrying, locating, memory-charm spells are uhhhh out of charge, can't find the plug thing. Anyway it's a painting of a wizard with a frosty can of beer, he's sitting at a modern table (not marble) and looking at you, all, "Have a cold one, man, let's shoot the poo poo about mandrakes." Thanks in advance. This wizbro here?  VendaGoat posted:My gelatinous cube just mitosed everywhere. Anyone want a few cubies? I'll take one. Please fax it to DarkWizard846@earthlinlk.com. naem posted:The real problem with artificing is it's just so profitable. If you have more money? You should be greedier and more evil. You're doing it wrong. basic hitler posted:nox is better than diablo 2 What are you even talking about?
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Feb 11, 2017 05:09
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I am currently playing a warlock in D&D 5th ed, so I think that qualifies me to post in this thread 
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Feb 11, 2017 05:45
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Remember that lovely song? With a very catchy but somehow annoying chorus? Thank your local evil bard.
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Feb 11, 2017 07:41
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:This wizbro here?  THIS is Black Gandalf  Wait, no, THIS is Black Gandalf   Wait, NO (jfc) THIS is Black Gandalf:  Ah, yesssssss, siiiiiick 
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Feb 11, 2017 07:45
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I found the required picture, nothing more, nothing less.
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Feb 11, 2017 19:25
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VendaGoat posted:*rolls a natural twenty on sense motive* uhg. dice wizards. I'm getting all the Blood Ravens together for a major Conspiracy, and YOU just HAD to ruin the surprise. Consider yourself ALSO banned from my library, VendaGoat! I'm taking you off the bookshare program! No more Librams of The Howling Earth for you! Freakin' Dice Wizards!
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Feb 11, 2017 19:43
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What If I'm not evil, but I'm an rear end in a top hat wizard. Can I still post here?
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Feb 11, 2017 20:01
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Deki posted:What If I'm not evil, but I'm an rear end in a top hat wizard. Can I still post here? make a separate thread for chaotic wizards thanks
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Feb 11, 2017 20:13
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im a white wizard but im not a grand dragon or a neo nazi or w/e i just run around yelling wall and lif2 and cur4
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Feb 11, 2017 20:46
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I'm only evil by university statute. Skull ring! SKULL RING!
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Feb 12, 2017 12:45
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Wizards Only, Fools
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Feb 12, 2017 21:01
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Guys, let's talk Enurgumen! Like when I'm trying to anchor an embodiment of horror into the Material Plane, I go for ripped elves. A) They have enough skin real estate that you can fit pretty much the perfect amount of bonding runes B) their skin burns like blue or green depending on magical saturation levels so your Aenima always looks it's spookiest C) likewise the pointy ears... Also small enough that getting armor made for them isn't so bad
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Feb 14, 2017 23:34
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Bust Rodd posted:Guys, let's talk Enurgumen! Like when I'm trying to anchor an embodiment of horror into the Material Plane, I go for ripped elves. Elves are even worse than vampires. "la de da look at me I'm a fancy fairy elf ooooo look at my smooth skin, I'm 2000 years old and I date high school girls" It's like, we should NOT be romanticizing this stuff people
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Feb 15, 2017 01:51
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Bust Rodd posted:Guys, let's talk Enurgumen! Like when I'm trying to anchor an embodiment of horror into the Material Plane, I go for ripped elves. I think you've found The Only Good Use For An Elf, dude. Way to go!
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Feb 19, 2017 08:46
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*fires a rank 3 cumbolt into op's mouth*
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Feb 19, 2017 09:15
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So, a Milf's Acid Arrow, huh?
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Feb 20, 2017 12:43
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Iron Prince posted:*fires a rank 3 cumbolt into op's mouth* *casts deep slurp*
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Feb 20, 2017 13:18
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Kink is not evil! Stop acting like it is. Edit: I mean some kinks obviously are, but not as a general thing.
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Feb 20, 2017 15:32
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Speleothing posted:Kink is not evil! Stop acting like it is. you ever seen a man raped to death by skeletons? zombies? thats my poo poo
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Feb 20, 2017 15:42
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naem posted:Elves are even worse than vampires. "la de da look at me I'm a fancy fairy elf ooooo look at my smooth skin, I'm 2000 years old and I date high school girls" poo poo, I thought I was the only one who realized just how awful elves are. Of course you can't just go around saying this to people, you get branded as a horrible racist even though every third phrase that elves speak is some garbage about 'lesser races'. Somehow when they say it it's perfectly fine.
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Feb 20, 2017 16:21
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Mad Hamish posted:poo poo, I thought I was the only one who realized just how awful elves are. Of course you can't just go around saying this to people, you get branded as a horrible racist even though every third phrase that elves speak is some garbage about 'lesser races'. Somehow when they say it it's perfectly fine. once in wizard college i walked in on my dwarf roommate loving a rock. lmao
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Feb 20, 2017 16:35
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poverty goat posted:you ever seen a man raped to death by skeletons? zombies? thats my poo poo what would a skeleton even rape you with
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Feb 20, 2017 17:38
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They take off a rib-bone and reglue it. Pretty straightforward.
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Feb 20, 2017 20:29
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Speleothing posted:They take off a rib-bone and reglue it. Pretty straightforward. wouldnt a rib bone be curved?
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Feb 20, 2017 21:00
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I'm an aspiring evil wizard, evil is more of a hobby at the moment as I am an IT wizard at the IRS, so I guess still pretty evil :P So anyway, anyone know any evil spells that will keep the accounting wizards from using their scrying cauldrons at work to look at evil wizard porn and download evil bonzi buddy? Maybe a spell I can cast on the literal wall of fire that is supposed to protect us from internet demons (and ddos attacks)? Thanks in advance.
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Feb 20, 2017 23:01
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So I've made up my phylactery - ripped out orphan hearts, tears of angels, those pointy lego pieces, you know the whole jazz - and now I can't help it but wonder... If my undead body is slain, is it truly me that will rise up? If I die on the sword of some do-gooder paladin, another lich just like me will return to terrify the living but it won't be me.
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Feb 21, 2017 00:12
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Rutibex posted:wouldnt a rib bone be curved? Not the skeleton's problem. I guess they could use a fibula, it's pretty redundant.
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Feb 21, 2017 00:33
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Colonel Cancer posted:So I've made up my phylactery - ripped out orphan hearts, tears of angels, those pointy lego pieces, you know the whole jazz - and now I can't help it but wonder... If my undead body is slain, is it truly me that will rise up? If I die on the sword of some do-gooder paladin, another lich just like me will return to terrify the living but it won't be me. Well, if you do nothing, then when you do meet your end you'll be nothing, just a memory in the minds of your enemies until they die. Better take the chance with the lich route than the guarantee of oblivion. TL;DR: live forever or die trying.
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Feb 21, 2017 03:20
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Rutibex posted:wouldnt a rib bone be curved? How is that not like an erect wiener? Colonel Cancer posted:So I've made up my phylactery - ripped out orphan hearts, tears of angels, those pointy lego pieces, you know the whole jazz - and now I can't help it but wonder... If my undead body is slain, is it truly me that will rise up? If I die on the sword of some do-gooder paladin, another lich just like me will return to terrify the living but it won't be me. mycomancy posted:Well, if you do nothing, then when you do meet your end you'll be nothing, just a memory in the minds of your enemies until they die. Better take the chance with the lich route than the guarantee of oblivion. Look at this wizard who doesn't believe in Souls. What a Melf, amirite? Of course you have a soul. It's what's dragged screaming to a hell plane when your wheeling and dealing with devils for infernal power catches up with you. Which it never should, if you're halfway competent and Keep The Laws. I mean, doy. CAPT. Rainbowbeard fucked around with this message at 03:36 on Feb 21, 2017 |
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Feb 21, 2017 03:33
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:How is that not like an erect wiener? Bah, that's the whole point of selling a soul to some idiot demon, they give you things for taking something from you that doesn't exist! Now if you'll excuse me I have to answer the door, I'm expecting a delivery of amniotic fluid for some potion work.
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Feb 21, 2017 04:02
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mycomancy posted:Well, if you do nothing, then when you do meet your end you'll be nothing, just a memory in the minds of your enemies until they die. Better take the chance with the lich route than the guarantee of oblivion. You know, this is why I banned Conjuration. Teleportation always seemed too good to be true... Sure, you get to disappear in a flash of light but what makes you think it's still "you" on the other end?! I mean, it's OK if you're just summoning endless hordes of fiendish rats or an occasional angel or two, this is why we're evil, right? But doing it to yourself is simply unnatural.
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Feb 21, 2017 04:33
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Trust me, teleportation is better than transmutation. I once turned myself into a flock of crows to fly away cackling from some paladins. It was badass as hell until I got back to my tower and realized a sparrow got caught up in the me-flock and man was that just a nightmare to deal with.
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Feb 21, 2017 14:39
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Actually, a pretty big 'Open Secret' in Lichdom is that Vecna was super into water parks, so the first thing he did when he became a malicious psychpomp was change it so that dying and getting booted back to your phylactery just feels like you're water-sliding out of your body and into your 'lac! Like when it gets really sunny out sometimes I'll toss my 'lac into the elemental plane of water and just jump off a cliff like 3-4 times.
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Feb 21, 2017 14:49
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The last time I got vanquished and shunted out of my body into one of my horcruxes (horcruxi?) it took my spirit a full year to retake my mortal form and it turns out that soulless lich-me (only a demi-lich actually kinda embarrassing) had subjugated the entire countryside and turned all my enemies into skeletons. It's how I got started in the skeleton game! Plus I had all these great memories of BEING a skeleton. Sometimes I wish instead of regaining my 72 year old human form I'd paid extra to turn into an handsome adventurer type, but that's such a cliche with necromancers. Any time "Zog the Ancient terror" shows up looking like a fit 35 year old again it's like "hey Zog time for your post life crisis already eh?"
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Feb 21, 2017 20:24
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