WampaLord posted:

Something tells me when she goes away for boot camp she suddenly becomes not asexual.

Pick posted:

The military judicial system during her rape trial?

WampaLord posted:

Something tells me when she goes away for boot camp she suddenly becomes not asexual.

ArbitraryC posted:

There's just no way it can't be a permanent solution. He wants to have sex, you don't, there's basically only one solution outside of breaking up.

Tho I gotta say are asexual people just like repulsed by sex or do they just not have a drive? I feel like if it's the latter there are a lot of hypothetical compromises, I'm no foot fetishist but I don't mind giving my gf a foot massage when she's had a long day, you think they'd be able to do something analogous to that on a regular basis if they weren't averse to sex.

Ouhei posted:

I always assumed asexual people went beyond just not having a sex drive, that they just didn't have romantic feelings at all?

Ouhei posted:

I always assumed asexual people went beyond just not having a sex drive, that they just didn't have romantic feelings at all?

TheScott2K posted:

They're usually either paralyzed by fear of the other sex or so uncomfortable with what they want that they bury it deep deep down in a hole of celibacy. Or they aren't attracted to their partner anymore, like this poster.

Ouhei posted:

I always assumed asexual people went beyond just not having a sex drive, that they just didn't have romantic feelings at all?

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Oh. No. Both of you, wrong.
I had to deal with someone who was sometimes an aromantic queer asexual, sometimes a sex repulsed bisexual asexual.

There is no limit to this labels for asexuality. You can apparently be
-asexual but still have romantic attraction
-asexual but still have sexual attraction but not physical sexual
-"gray" asexual, where you only feel sexual on occasion

There are many more and it has been dictated to me that a persons asexuality is subject to change at any time.
Maybe I'm a bit bitter because this person was extremely abrasive and if anything even remotely sexual came up in conversation she would accuse the group of oppressing her via heteronormativity

54 40 or gently caress posted:

There are many more and it has been dictated to me that a persons asexuality is subject to change at any time.
Maybe I'm a bit bitter because this person was extremely abrasive and if anything even remotely sexual came up in conversation she would accuse the group of oppressing her via heteronormativity

Squashing Machine posted:

Asexuality is good because it lends protected minority status to people who only 10 years ago would've just been categorized as garden-variety prudes

Mirthless posted:

tumblr really ruined a lot of people, didn't it?

quote:

We've been having rough talks lately and it came to a head last night when something in him finally clicked and he got the notion that our relationship is a trial, and Satan knows him so well and has tempted him with me and my dis-belief (he loves me so incredibly much that he considered for a teeny tiny second, abandoning his faith/turning his back on God), and all the sudden it is so very clear to him that he cannot marry and have a life with me if I do not believe.

quote:

I don't know how many of you will remember me, but I'm one who had this problem and this subsequent problem (which I at the time didn't realize was a problem). I am happy to say that this psycho bitch is no longer my girlfriend, and if things go as I want them to, no longer in my life at all.
Things were going really well, everything just fine and dandy, for over a month after I read her my heartfelt letter. Yet again, however, your comments were swirling in the back of my mind and it wasn't enough for me that this girl I shared a home with was smiling, bubbly, happy, back to 'normal', whatever -- because she never spoke about what she did. I didn't bring it up myself because I thought she would come to me and maybe even apologize about it when she was ready, but nope, she just hummed around the house like some sort of innocent princess.
Well, recently she was cooking dinner and I was just sitting at the table staring at her, thinking about everything and feeling my blood boil. I didn't understand how she could act this way, how she could just do something so deranged and then cover it up. And I realized with the way things were going, she was never going to acknowledge her behavior or take responsibility for her actions. So I finally said something, but I hid my rage by speaking slowly and calmly: "So what was that thing with you masturbating?"
I realized it was another pretend-she-didn't-hear-me moment for her as she just stood still for a while in silence, so I sighed and said something like "We'll just talk about it whenever you're comfortable." Apparently that set her off. She opened up the kitchen drawer to show me a photo of an actress that I apparently had complimented during a movie while screaming "You find her attractive? You find her attractive?" and pointing at her face. I started screaming over her "so what if I find her attractive" over and over until, yes, she got a knife. I immediately backed away in the sinking realization that she might actually be crazy enough to stab me, but she then pointed the knife at herself, or more specifically her vagina, and said she "didn't even need it" because I "don't appreciate it" and "no one has genitals in the afterlife". I didn't want to be around for it to escalate further so I booked out of there while she hurled insults at me. Right away I called her mom, since her parents live very closeby, but her mom didn't even let me finish explaining before she was screaming at me over the phone saying she "knew what I did" and that I was a "Satan shitplane" so I hung up and had to ignore her literally 37 calls afterward.
Long story short, all of my contact with this girl from now on will be through writing if I can control it. I'm staying with a friend now while this stuff gets sorted. I'm not really sure what my next step will be, but you guys deserve a thank you for all of your advice as well as an apology from me for not seeing the light sooner. Hopefully this will be the last time I update or even think about this chick and her hosed up family. Bye.
TLDR: Girlfriend is now ex-girlfriend due to insanity, and her mom is just as bad.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

*blows powder in ur face* good dick will imprison yooooou

Pick posted:

I remember a friend's roommate's girlfriend starting off our introductions by telling me about how she's so into BDSM

and all I could think was "wow, your life must be hollow"

Pick posted:

sout posted:

My favourite thing is "demisexual" because the etymology is ridiculous.
you see it's half way between being "asexual" and "sexual."
Another word for this would be: "sexual."

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

what if you're just sort of indifferent to sex, like, "enh, girl suckin on my hog, I could take it or leave it, when's Orange Is The New Black come on?"

sout posted:

i've got a demi

ThePeavstenator posted:

label yourself an asexual and you have a shield against people who suggest that maybe you just haven't gotten over your conservative upbringing and are actually just a prude

also hail satan on this page 666

quote:

My girlfriend has always had a strange jealousy and clinginess over everything, and she recently told me that her psychiatrist said she was demisexual, this made a lot of sense to me as she has never had a crush on anyone before and gets extremely jealous is even mention finding a single thing attractive about even a celebrity. I'm a standard heterosexual male and I often find myself attracted to females so I don't know how to carry out this relationship and I feel as if maybe I'm a terrible SO for her. This being said, I love her very much and she has a very strong emotional attraction to me so I don't think I could break up with her without it ruining me or her emotionally, but I also am not sure how to continue carrying out the relationship, should I lie to her when I'm attracted to girls?

Update: She wants me to cut off all association with girls I even had a crush on and I'm starting to feel like it's excessive. Update 2: Apparently I misunderstood her and she just wants me to cut off the celebrities I "had a crush on"... I don't know what that means but I agreed to it.

sout posted:

My favourite thing is "demisexual" because the etymology is ridiculous.
you see it's half way between being "asexual" and "sexual."
Another word for this would be: "sexual."

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

let's liven up Goons Discover Tumblr Culture: Part 30,000
My [19M] Girlfriend [21F] identifies as "demisexual" and I have a hard time dealing with her.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Demisexual also brings up the best title of all time, btw
I [18M] touched my SO's [20F] breasts for the first time and I'm freaking out [SERIOUS]

quote:

But being raised by a single mother and having a slightly older sister, I'm very embarrassed and sheepish about women. I was raised knowing what made my mom and sister upset. I saw men hurt them and learned not to act. But I have also developed an extreme embarrassment when being intimate with my girlfriend.

I want to be intimate, I love her and I love her body. The very thought of her is enough to make me smile sometimes. But tonight getting to second base was something. Like I am between embarrassment and happiness. My "evil member" is over the damned moon, mind you. But at the same time I feel wrong in some ways. It was all consensual and this is the first time we have gotten like this in our entire relationship. She doesn't know why I'm so embarrassed about it, and to be honest I'm not too sure either.

I should mention that she is asexual and I'm demisexual. We don't do this sort of stuff often if at all, you know? We've been physically close in the sense that we cuddle and whatnot, but nothing like this yet.

It's just odd for me man. Like everything is right and good but I still can't help feeling... Dirty... I can't shake it. I'm sure it'll pass with time, but I'm just posting because holy poo poo.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I didn't get psycho mom out of any of that just 18-year-old virgin spazzing and trying to be a nice guy. the post itself isn't all that wild it's just teenage goobers bein goobers, they'll be alright

his account name is JUSTTOUCHEDABOOB

quote:

I was raised knowing what made my mom and sister upset

ArbitraryC posted:

In honor of the page of the beast I did a search for a special keyword

[28/F] If only I believed in God, boyfriend (29/M) and I could get married, have kids.



(it was a long post so I just pulled out the good part)

Long-awaited update about this psycho b who masturbated to my porn to prove some twisted point


I don't even know what this one was about, sounds like an update to an old post but there's no link and I can't really piece together the content.

quote:

Not sure if or how this may help but I feel the need to talk about this and hear feedback. For context, the closest I can get to explaining my sexual orientation is 'demisexual'. Basically I am not sexually attracted to anyone unless I think they're an okay person first off (and share things in common) and then are able to get close enough to them - eventually if I feel close to them and comfortable, I "might" start to like them. Usually it means I need to get to the point of being very cuddly with them as well otherwise I just don't manage to associate them with any sexual desire. It's made my love life difficult. If my first (and only so far) boyfriend hadn't been so assertive and forward - I doubt I'd have gotten very far on my own. -I'm also fairly awkward and shy (before I open up) because I'm asocial.

I've realised that the only way a relationship is going to happen is through being friends first. The problem is I have no idea how I'm going to feel further down the track. -I mostly have guy friends so I've run into a lot of cases of having to end a friendship because they like me in a romantic way. One of these friends, who I've known for about 2 years now - we'll call him Rob - has pretty much liked me from the get-go. I will usually tailor my conversation and the distance between us with this in mind - sometimes try to actively put them off because I don't want to mislead them. However, at this stage Rob never actually manages to open up to me much and so I don't with him. Over a year into knowing Rob, I get into a fwb relationship with another friend. I start to think I might like this other friend but he makes it pretty clear we'll only stay friends so I cut out the 'benefits'. At this point Rob and I get drunk and he actually comes onto me. Ofc I'm still thinking about the fwb so it was bad-timing really. Now it's 2 years into the friendship and I've started to come round to liking Rob. I have found out that he's started liking someone else and... not sure if there's anything to be done about it?? We've only recently started to sorta open up to each other. In retrospect, I wouldn't have made any decisions differently. I can't help in which order things have happened. -It's just a major letdown and I'm really down about it. How I am is annoying me to hell right now. I wish I could just fall for someone in a matter of a month or two like the majority of people out there. Does anyone else have a similar issue? How do you deal with it? Suggestions? -Cos I'm interested to hear any

quote:

quote:

I think this is a very usual way to feel. You only feel sexually attracted to people you like, people you feel safe with, people you have something in common with. I don't think you need a special word for it - it's just your personality. Sex is an intimate thing - wanting to share that only with people with whom you have emotional intimacy isn't in any way odd.

I somehow never thought about it like that, thank you

ArbitraryC posted:

In honor of the page of the beast I did a search for a special keyword

[28/F] If only I believed in God, boyfriend (29/M) and I could get married, have kids.



(it was a long post so I just pulled out the good part)

Long-awaited update about this psycho b who masturbated to my porn to prove some twisted point


I don't even know what this one was about, sounds like an update to an old post but there's no link and I can't really piece together the content.

quote:

We are both in our mid-20's. My girlfriend comes from a super religious household in which she was told constantly that porn and even masturbation is sinful and will get her sent to hell. Recently, she was on my laptop and found some videos I had saved (yes, pornographic ones) and apparently copied them to her computer. I first found this out when I came home one day to her masturbating at her computer, legs completely spread, to one of these videos. While she does this, she does not respond to me when I talk to her or even turn her head. She looks furious as she does this. She has been timing it so that it has happened almost every day since I've come back from work for the past two weeks. She will not hold a conversation with me about it after the fact. This is a girl who would always tell me she never masturbated and that it was sinful. Please help.

TLDR: Confusion

quote:

It has been exactly one week since I first posted (link here) about this difficult problem with my girlfriend, and I figured you all deserved an update due to how much you helped me.

A lot of your advice (and I did read and ponder every word) swirled in the back of my head constantly, but I was initially having a tough time accepting my situation for what you all said it was. That this wasn't healthy, that she was crazy, that I was a wuss for taking it, that we had no chance -- I hated the pessimistic reality of it all and I wanted it to be wrong. I wanted to keep faith in us. After two more nights of coming home to her doing the same thing again (and me trying to gently get her to stop with several "hey"s, waving my hand in front of her face, and even whistling to no avail), I finally faced how much I was lying to myself about the true severity of the communication rift between us and how much we lacked the ability to connect on a level that the most basic relationship should have. And I went to sleep in a separate room (I couldn't handle "lying" any longer by sleeping in the same bed as her as if nothing was happening) feeling physically sick.

The third night is when I finally got her attention. I didn't yell at her, I didn't bring her family/friends home with me, I didn't edit the videos to surprise her with my face, I didn't join in with her. I just stood next to her and started reading her a letter which I had taken the time to prepare off and on throughout my work day. Her usually angered expression looked like it actually started to turn sad (maybe even regretful?) as I told her I loved her, and cared for her, and wanted nothing more than for us to work. I even included a poem that her and I had made together about our relationship during better times. She never stopped moving her hands and staring forward as I read, but I did notice tears start to come from her eyes and I started to get teary too. When my letter concluded, I asked her if she wanted to finally stop and she responded by screaming and turning up the volume of the porn, so I took that as her needing time to herself and left.

The next night, I was pleasantly surprised to find her not at the computer, but instead back to her normal hobbies. She still would not acknowledge that she had done anything at all, but this was a huge improvement that I can only imagine getting better as time goes on. Reddit, I think this problem was solved and I could not have done it without you. Thank you so much for your advice and willingness to help to the fullest. You have helped strengthen my relationship with this wonderful girl and I can't imagine life in a more beautiful way.

TL;DR: Problem nearly solved, things only getting better due to your advice. Thank you so much.