Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

I thought it was Killer Klowns from outer space as soon as he mentioned the pink cocoons. It would be pretty lame if we found out extraterrestrial life was real but it was just a bunch of rear end in a top hat clowns.

Lightning goon - I can't speak for you, but in my experience the people who go on about how they are emotionless sociopathic robots are just in denial of their emotions. You see them sometimes start to get angry for example and then you can kind of see them remember "oh wait, no emotions" and force themselves into a neutral state, like it's an act. I think if you truly had no emotions you wouldn't recognize that the way you live is abnormal enough to warrant a confession, let alone an anonymous one which indicates at least some shame about it.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 09:51

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# ? May 13, 2024 13:17

Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

lightning goon, have you considered seeing a doctor to see whether you have brain damage or something?

# ? Feb 23, 2017 10:09

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Another bolt of lightning should reverse the polarity of your brain damage and fix you right up.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 10:38

necroid: May 14, 2009

H.H posted:

I was struck by lightning in my teen years and I believe it destroyed a vital part of me. I have no emotions any more.

I was dating a girl at the time and, after the strike, I didn't feel anything for her. We got into a massive argument over this, well really, she did. I just stood there and clinically responded to her angry shouts and tears. We broke up and I still feel absolutely nothing about that whole relationship, despite us dating for nearly 2 years before that and her having been my first kiss, which used to mean a lot to me.

This has caused me a lot of issues since then as well. I don't make friends and don't really talk to people. My life is waking up and going to work. When I get home, most of the time I just sit in the dark until I fall asleep on the couch. Things that people have recommended as hobbies don't interest me at all. Nothing really does. Work is good because it gives me set tasks to complete each day, but it's hard to keep up this feeling of success in my free time. I have errands to run and bills to pay, but it's not the same. I've tried cooking as a coworker said she enjoyed it, but it's so much work for minimal interest. Yes, things taste "good" but the work to caloric intake ratio is all skewed.

I feel a lot of monotony in my life, especially when I compare it to stories people at work tell each other. But I have no real reason to change things, it's working right now and it's not as if I'd have any fun doing anything else anyway.

kinda reminds me of a scottish policeman with a passion for curry and crossdressing

although if I remember right the lightning struck the crippled girlfriend instead of him?

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:24

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

My girlfriend, who is in her early 30s, calls her father "Daddy". I didn't notice it when we first started dating. And hell, maybe she didn't do it because she realized how weird it was. But after 8 months of dating she's apparently pretty comfortable around me because she's doing it now.

Phone calls "Hi daddy, I love you!"
In person "Daddy! I'm so happy you're here!"
Introducing him to people "This is my daddy, James"
And creepiest of all to me, remembering things "I loved when Daddy used to buy me ice cream"

I told her I found this a little odd, and she told me it was an affectation she had and that it reminded her of being a little kid. A few red flags started waving in my head at this, but she was otherwise amazing so I let it go.

Then she started calling me Daddy at weird moments. I cooked dinner one night she worked late, "Thanks Daddy, Mommy really appreciates this"

We have a dog together "Hey buddy, do you love Daddy like I love Daddy?"

It hasn't come up during sex, which is good because that would be the final straw for me. But it's creepy as hell and I have told her several times I find it a major turn off and a red flag for our relationship in general.

quote:

I believe my young son, age 7, is a sociopath.

We have caught him killing animals as large as squirrels, and had to give our dog up for adoption because he continually would try to poison her with household cleaners.

We have taken him for therapy since he was 5 years old and started showing these traits. Therapy hasn't helped, if anything it's just made things worse as he's now learned now to lie and manipulate people.

I believe this might be my fiance and I's fault. We didn't realize she was pregnant until almost the 2nd trimester, and both of us drank pretty heavily during the pregnancy. But he was born without any noticeable physical or mental disabilities.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:31

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

I mean, at least she's calling herself Mommy :shrug:

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:35

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The "daddy" goon has been reading too many cummies memes or something because what he described is not nearly as "creepy" or weird as he thinks it is.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:37

Beige: Sep 13, 2004

yeah I eat rear end posted:

The "daddy" goon has been reading too many cummies memes or something because what he described is not nearly as "creepy" or weird as he thinks it is.

Right. So she calls her Dad 'Daddy' and treats the dog like a pseudo-kid where you're its parents. The former may be uncommon while the latter can be fairly common. The red flag is coming from inside your head!

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:49

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

That would bother me too, tbh.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:52

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Yep, daddy goon get over yourself. Children call their parents mommy and daddy and it becomes a term of endearment. Women tend to have a lot more leeway with it as an adult. Everything you described seems a little sappy but not creepy or a red flag in any way. Why are you so disturbed by a woman having a loving relationship with her father and wanting to project that into her future family life?

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:53

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

my wife specifically calls me daddy in the context of our pet cat i.e. "did daddy scare you?" when I make a loud noise and the cat bolts like a dumb rear end in a top hat on top of the kitchen cabinets and stays there for hours and hours

this is normal (the daddy part not the stupid cowardly cat part)

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:56

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Have we learned nothing from this thread? There is always some creepy bullshit.
To be fair, it's usually not what the OPs on reddit usually think it is.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 13:56

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The only creepy one in that confession is the confessor because he clearly suspects she is or was at some point loving her dad (or at least has been imagining it happening) based on nothing but a woman referring to her dad in a slightly childish way.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 14:02

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

I gathered he's mostly bothered by being called "Daddy", too. I personally wouldn't like that either.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 14:21

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

The government made a false flag movie to discredit my disquieting childhood too. It's Harry and the Andersons you hacks :argh:

# ? Feb 23, 2017 14:34

HOT! New Memes: May 31, 2006

The Home Depot goon had me until he said he had to move back in with his parents. No one can support themselves on minimum wage

# ? Feb 23, 2017 15:26

Fitzy Fitz: May 14, 2005

The original Scooby Doo was actually voiced by a dog. It was only in the pilot and a couple of episodes from the first season in 1969. They switched to a person when they decided to give him real dialogue, and now everyone just remembers him as a talking dog. But in the first few episodes he made semi-intelligible grumbles and the other characters' dialogue was enough to tell what he was saying.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 15:44

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Fitzy Fitz posted:

The original Scooby Doo was actually voiced by a dog. It was only in the pilot and a couple of episodes from the first season in 1969. They switched to a person when they decided to give him real dialogue, and now everyone just remembers him as a talking dog. But in the first few episodes he made semi-intelligible grumbles and the other characters' dialogue was enough to tell what he was saying.

I don't know if this is true but I'm going to believe it.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 15:48

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

VanSandman posted:

Even if fake, shorter is better, funnier, and more interesting. Both feshes were fun!

I think the long ones can be funny too, especially if they're a slow burn working toward a hilarious payoff

# ? Feb 23, 2017 16:17

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

I want to get that killer klowns story cross stitched on a decorative pillow

# ? Feb 23, 2017 16:41

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Sociopath kid goon, maybe now is a good time to start looking into what counties have the nicest prison system and then move there. Treat it like other parents would treat looking for school districts. You want the best for your garbage kid right?

Daddy goon, it's not weird that she calls her dad "daddy," but there may be an issue if she keeps calling you daddy when you've told her not to. Thats a pretty basic show of respect to not call someone something if they ask not to be called it.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 16:53

Doctor Malaver: May 23, 2007; Ce qui s'est pass� t'a rendu plus fort

Drunk parents goon, start beating your kid. If he's mostly normal it might scare him from killing animals. If he's already a psychopath then I guess not much harm done.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 00:30

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

Goon goony goon posted:

I believe my young son, age 7, is a sociopath.

Does he start fires and wet the bed?

# ? Feb 24, 2017 00:54

RumbleFish: Dec 20, 2007

yeah I eat rear end posted:

The "daddy" goon has been reading too many cummies memes or something because what he described is not nearly as "creepy" or weird as he thinks it is.

Dunno if it applies in this particular case, but very Southern people tend to call their parents "Mama" and "Daddy" and will do so their entire lives. So yeah, it can sound weird if you're not used to adults referring to their parents in a more childish way, but it can be pretty common depending on where you are.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 01:36

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

whoa I just realized that if you read it in a southern accent it does sound less weird

*insert south joke here*

# ? Feb 24, 2017 01:51

Premature: Dec 9, 2014; Shut your eyes, I don't want to get glitter in them.; Buglord

Sociopath kid goon should teach him to kill murderers like Dexter.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 03:58

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Therapygoon update plz

# ? Feb 24, 2017 13:21

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

cant update if you're brutally murdered imo

# ? Feb 24, 2017 14:09

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Yeah, therapy goon is the most interesting one for the past couple months.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 14:21

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

Police Automaton posted:

cant update if you're brutally murdered imo

Lol someone's never heard of ghostposting

# ? Feb 24, 2017 16:11

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

Some backstory first.

My wife and I originally married as an act of convenience for us both. We met online playing WoW and became really close, but I wouldn't say we were in love yet. More just good friends who found each other somewhat attractive but were too socially awkward to do anything. She was from Japan, which was like triple amazing for a nerdy white boy like me. I also believed she was really wealthy, because she came to visit me twice, all by herself, despite only being 20 years old. She also paid for EVERYTHING while she visited me.

She mentioned wanting to stay in America, I agreed, and we married. Basically marriage was our moment of "do you want to become exclusive dating partners?" with the added benefit of allowing her to stay in the United States eventually. We slowly fell in love over the first year of marriage, everything went well with all the fun paperwork and government red tape, and now we've been married for 6 years and truly love each other.

However, about 3 weeks in to marriage she confessed that the money funding our visits wasn't from her. Her father was in the Yakuza, and she originally wanted to marry an American to get away from that life. Her father did not approve of the marriage, our relationship, and definitely not the nearly 400 thousand dollars of Yakuza money she spent on our time together, our wedding, a down payment on a house, etc.

I was told in no uncertain terms that I had to repay the money with interest or I would be killed, and that I would most likely be killed just for marrying the daughter without getting the approval of the father and the Yakuza.

I did the only logical thing at this point - I bought a gun for our protection and started researching people who had been in similar situations. Witness protection was an option, but my wife feared moles that would rat us out. We could only trust each other so we went deeply undercover. We moved to a flyover state, we both work local jobs under the table, and we don't leave any kind of footprint. I haven't spoken to any family members in years for fear of the Yakuza finding us or hurting them.

quote:

I work in the White House, although I'm not the anon goon who posted previously. I don't know if I believe that confession because although SOME of it was true, the Hulk Hogan thing most assuredly did not happen. Maybe that was just casting reasonable doubt on the rest of the confession to shield his identity, but I don't know. I'm effectively just a member of the cleaning crew, so I don't have much to say on his important meetings, but here we go:

One of the first things we had to do in the White House was remove all of the CFL bulbs and replace them with LED bulbs. Trump believes CFL bulbs cause cancer.

Trump did indeed tip most of the regular staff. He gave me 20 dollars after vacuuming the oval office and said I was "doing a bang up job".

We've been told that if (not when, if) Barron visits the White House that we have to dim all the lights, throw down some colorful rugs in whatever room he stays in, and remove any plants or flowers, real or fake, from the room. I don't know if the child has Autism but he definitely has something.

You probably already know this based on his tweets, but Trump watches Fox News every morning to "get caught up" on world events. The only other things he watches regularly are WWE Monday Night Raw, reruns of King of Queens, and the Golf Channel.

Admittedly I haven't seen the guy much so far given his diplomatic trips so far, but he seems okay if not a bit eccentric. The light bulb thing is worrying.

Also this is I guess more on me than anything else, but I thought I saw Melania Trump in the hallway one day, until she got closer and I realized it was Caitlin Jenner. I know Trump is close friends with Caitlin from when she was still Bruce, but I thought this was a funny resemblance that I can't unsee now.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 19:51

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

LED bulbs are better than CFL (which have mercury in them). Honestly, that's one thing about the Trump administration that is not scaring me at the moment.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:00

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Maybe he just wants to save a bit on the white house electricity bill.

Besides if I became president and was given free reign to redo the white house however I wanted I'd probably make changes like that too just because I could. If they're going to give me free new lightbulbs and will change the carpets and curtains to how I want for free, why not.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:04

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

CFL bulbs have mercury vapor inside. If you crack them open and inhale the sweet gas inside, they will actually increase your chances of getting cancer. But guessing trump's position isn't quite so nuanced.

Either way you should get rid of your CFL bulbs because they are gross and the light they emit is sickly. LED all the way.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:05

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Just another thought - I wonder how much leeway you have on changing the lighting in the whitehouse. If you wanted to replace it all with torches and candleabras etc, could you?

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:16

Chard: Aug 24, 2010

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Just another thought - I wonder how much leeway you have on changing the lighting in the whitehouse. If you wanted to replace it all with torches and candleabras etc, could you?

That would be exceptionally bad rear end, completely separate from the infinite screaming horror of everything else WH related

# ? Feb 24, 2017 20:24

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Dude there's hundreds of articles out there about how much TV trump watches, why would you try to act like he just watches King of Queens and Fox news all day

Like his viewing habits are so well known people are buying adspace on his favorite shows specifically to reach him, nobody's going to believe you if you say that

# ? Feb 24, 2017 21:02

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

Honestly, Trump seems like the kind of rear end in a top hat that would want to go back to incandescent bulbs. I don't know why conservatives had a drat hardon for incandescents a couple of years back, but they did. It was similar to the way they embraced large fountain drinks and Chick-fil-A.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 22:02

The Duchess Smackarse: May 8, 2012; by Lowtax

Incandescent bulbs are superior to all other bulbs, gently caress the gay environment

# ? Feb 24, 2017 22:07

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# ? May 13, 2024 13:17

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Axolotl posted:

Honestly, Trump seems like the kind of rear end in a top hat that would want to go back to incandescent bulbs. I don't know why conservatives had a drat hardon for incandescents a couple of years back, but they did. It was similar to the way they embraced large fountain drinks and Chick-fil-A.

Literally its because they're more energy efficient and liberals like anything that's remotely good for the environment, so they have to hate it. If liberal people spoke out against self immolation there would be dudes in red hats setting themselves on fire out of spite.

# ? Feb 24, 2017 22:13

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