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fleshy echidna posted:Hey guys I have a real problem. I used to be a death wizard who was prolonging his life through the use of a necromantic amulet, but just yesterday I accidentally mixed dragon's blood with ooze acid and well I've just darn near melted my whole body off. Does this mean I'm a lich now? I've always considered "boning up" but now I seriously have to face the consequences of this action and I'm worried that my A.D.W.A membership might be revoked. Any advice for what to do after an accidental lichification? until you can grow a new body in a vat, welcome to lich life. Every evil wizard goes through this stage, it's basically a rite of passage. Good luck!
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Mar 2, 2017 02:29
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fleshy echidna posted:Hey guys I have a real problem. I used to be a death wizard who was prolonging his life through the use of a necromantic amulet, but just yesterday I accidentally mixed dragon's blood with ooze acid and well I've just darn near melted my whole body off. Does this mean I'm a lich now? I've always considered "boning up" but now I seriously have to face the consequences of this action and I'm worried that my A.D.W.A membership might be revoked. Any advice for what to do after an accidental lichification? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7S0uAph_fo
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Mar 2, 2017 02:33
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key party favors posted:until you can grow a new body in a vat, welcome to lich life. Every evil wizard goes through this stage, it's basically a rite of passage. Good luck! I mean, I personally assume anyone studying necromancy has a flesh vat, they teach you that first semester
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Mar 2, 2017 02:33
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Is a Sorceror an evil wizard by definition who's also willing to work with forces from which an evil wizard would tuck tail and run?
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Mar 2, 2017 02:40
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Socks4Hands posted:Is a Sorceror an evil wizard by definition who's also willing to work with forces from which an evil wizard would tuck tail and run? Sorcerers use CHA instead of INT for their base mana points (I call them CHAd's)
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Mar 2, 2017 02:43
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Thanks for the advice and support guys, now that I've basically got the tedious part over of removing most of my organs I think I'm gonna man up and find me the eyes of some innocent intelligent creature to use as the catalyst for a proper phylactery of glass and flesh. Hopefully I can find a wise eagle or some other goody two shoes quest giver/ last minute bullshit rescuer to make this work. Will post results later!
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Mar 2, 2017 02:45
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fleshy echidna posted:Thanks for the advice and support guys, now that I've basically got the tedious part over of removing most of my organs I think I'm gonna man up and find me the eyes of some innocent intelligent creature to use as the catalyst for a proper phylactery of glass and flesh. very nice. 
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Mar 2, 2017 02:46
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What about "Pataphysical Theurgists? You know, those deathwish motherfuckers playing with the literal fire of the Gods? They seem to use IMA (Imagination) as a base stat, but it combines bonkers well with CHA and INT when actually applied. It even pretends to be a science, and the best part is that it works! P.S. Science is a lie, this world is powered by alchemy and occult ritual.
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Mar 2, 2017 02:46
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I did some thinking, and it seems like the "evil" part of magic stems from the objections of others towards a practitioner exercising their Will upon the world with such (seeming) ease. It seems to boil down to an Order vs Chaos dynamic, and using magic to enforce Order against the wills of others (instead of just staying in lane and enforcing order upon their own PERSONAL lives), is the true evil.
Sing Along fucked around with this message at 06:45 on Mar 2, 2017 |
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Mar 2, 2017 02:49
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fleshy echidna posted:Thanks for the advice and support guys, now that I've basically got the tedious part over of removing most of my organs I think I'm gonna man up and find me the eyes of some innocent intelligent creature to use as the catalyst for a proper phylactery of glass and flesh. I have a few cusps of the overworld I can sell you, they fit magnificently onto the eye... just send your familiar with payment to my gloomspire...
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Mar 2, 2017 02:51
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key party favors posted:I have a few cusps of the overworld I can sell you, they fit magnificently onto the eye... just send your familiar with payment to my gloomspire... It has been done.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:02
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Automatic Slim posted:Why settle for skeletons? Invest in golems. Sure they're way expensive but when intruders or hicks with torches and pitchforks come knocking the pants making GBS threads terror they induce is worth it. On the other hand, why invest in golems when a skeleton horde does the job just fine? There's something to be said for restraint. I'm not going to tell you that golems won't work - they do! But they're a brute force solution to a problem that can be solved quickly and easily by simple necromancy. Time to lay my cards on the table here - I don't do wizardry full time anymore. I'm doing consulting. You wouldn't believe how many otherwise well-run operations - we're talking towers, dungeons , full castles, the works - get into a hole because they're overusing resources on small problems. Next thing you know, you've let your wards lapse to power your showy golems. If you can afford it don't let me stop you, but most dark wizards aren't pussiant liches tearing apart the fabric of reality at will. They're ordinary evil, trying to stay ahead of the clock with unicorn blood and the occasional virgin. A lot of these guys fail because they try to be something they're not. There's no shame in being entry -level or middle-tier evil. The best and most common advice I can give is "use skeletons". Sometimes a cliche is a cliche for good reasons.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:54
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Why not both, as I always say? One or two golems bodies to activate when needed and a set of skeletons to do typical work and raise the alarms. Also: RIP Alfonz, who burst into flame when he bit the apprentice paladin I was corrupting. Vampires never take a warning seriously. Rory, otoh, benefitted greatly from the experience and wants to lead a raid on a convent next month.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:14
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fleshy echidna posted:Hey guys I have a real problem. I used to be a death wizard who was prolonging his life through the use of a necromantic amulet, but just yesterday I accidentally mixed dragon's blood with ooze acid and well I've just darn near melted my whole body off. Does this mean I'm a lich now? I've always considered "boning up" but now I seriously have to face the consequences of this action and I'm worried that my A.D.W.A membership might be revoked. Any advice for what to do after an accidental lichification? you don't have a backup clone body? what is wrong with you man naem posted:Sorcerers use CHA instead of INT for their base mana points (I call them CHAd's) CHADS! 
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Mar 2, 2017 04:21
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Not as bad as those loving muscle wizards who cast with their STR. Those guys are minmaxing bastards!
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Mar 2, 2017 06:06
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jon joe posted:Not as bad as those loving muscle wizards who cast with their STR. Those guys are minmaxing bastards! *muscle wizard casts HIGH PROTEIN DIET FART*
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Mar 2, 2017 06:15
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fleshy echidna posted:Hey guys I have a real problem. I used to be a death wizard who was prolonging his life through the use of a necromantic amulet, but just yesterday I accidentally mixed dragon's blood with ooze acid and well I've just darn near melted my whole body off. Does this mean I'm a lich now? I've always considered "boning up" but now I seriously have to face the consequences of this action and I'm worried that my A.D.W.A membership might be revoked. Any advice for what to do after an accidental lichification? You'll know if you're a lich, my dude. There won't be any question about it. Grow or steal some new flesh, whatever makes you the most comfortable in your own skin. Keep The Laws Socks4Hands posted:Is a Sorceror an evil wizard by definition who's also willing to work with forces from which an evil wizard would tuck tail and run? naem posted:Sorcerers use CHA instead of INT for their base mana points (I call them CHAd's) It's okay to ask questions, new friend. fleshy echidna posted:Thanks for the advice and support guys, now that I've basically got the tedious part over of removing most of my organs I think I'm gonna man up and find me the eyes of some innocent intelligent creature to use as the catalyst for a proper phylactery of glass and flesh. Good to see you're on the right track. Socks4Hands posted:I did some thinking, and it seems like the "evil" part of magic stems from the objections of others towards a practitioner exercising their Will upon the world with such (seeming) ease. It seems to boil down to an Order vs Chaos dynamic, and using magic to enforce Order against the wills of others (instead of just staying in lane and enforcing order upon their own PERSONAL lives), is the true evil. You're so close! naem posted:*muscle wizard casts HIGH PROTEIN DIET FART* That's a powerful spell, make sure you can cast it safely before you start slinging it constantly... and you will be slinging it constantly once you find how effective it is. Good synergies with skeletons and other magically animated minions, they're immune to poisoning. Now goblins and kobolds, on the other hand... love it. They love* that magical fart smell. It has... unexpected results. *indiscriminate berserker lust, actually
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Mar 2, 2017 13:08
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I'm an evil Setup Wizard. Few people realise end user licence agreements are binding magical contracts. I've been slipping soul ownership transfer clauses in them for years and basically own everyone at this point I also bundle McAfee Antivirus with everything.
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Mar 2, 2017 14:19
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bitterandtwisted posted:I also bundle McAfee Antivirus with everything. You are the evil overwizard. I take off my evil magic hat to you.
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Mar 2, 2017 14:26
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It's worth pointing out that Facebook and Twitter are quite obviously soul traps.
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Mar 2, 2017 19:03
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:You're so close! Are you pro-chaos or anti-chaos? Let's just say I watched the Lego Movie and learned the hard way.
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Mar 2, 2017 20:02
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Socks4Hands posted:Are you pro-chaos or anti-chaos? Let's just say I watched the Lego Movie and learned the hard way. There is order in chaos, and chaos in order. Such are The Laws.
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Mar 2, 2017 22:15
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:There is order in chaos, and chaos in order. So there's a method to the madness...
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Mar 2, 2017 22:19
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Okay, so I pledged my eternal soul to D'Andee, the Vile Rat of Politopos, and while it was a pretty sweet deal at first -- he made me an ambassador-priest and everything -- there are now adventurers outside my castle and I hear magic missiles going off. I think I'm hosed. Whatever happens, don't let me cameo in a lovely, disrespectful movie by Michael Bay!
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Mar 2, 2017 22:54
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Screaming Idiot posted:Okay, so I pledged my eternal soul to D'Andee, the Vile Rat of Politopos, and while it was a pretty sweet deal at first -- he made me an ambassador-priest and everything -- there are now adventurers outside my castle and I hear magic missiles going off. duder its magic missiles. Set your contingency, (which you have should have done when you wake up newb bad wizard) and cast reflect. then timetravel back in time and eat their parents.
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Mar 2, 2017 22:56
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Speleothing posted:I'm definitely evil, but never sure if my powers are wizardry, psionics, or from a dark god. All of the above!
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Mar 2, 2017 23:08
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Socks4Hands posted:It has been done. Sent. Sorry if my Basilisk ate your familiar... Also, use those cusps with caution, I knew a wizard after them, and got totally owned by a tagteam of an extra-planar parasite and a sly thief... I'm just saying if you try to use a vat-grown extra-terrestrial parasite to control your thralls, you might get bit in the butt...
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Mar 3, 2017 02:42
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key party favors posted:Sent. Sorry if my Basilisk ate your familiar... Also, use those cusps with caution, I knew a wizard after them, and got totally owned by a tagteam of an extra-planar parasite and a sly thief... I'm just saying if you try to use a vat-grown extra-terrestrial parasite to control your thralls, you might get bit in the butt... My face is blank as I read this, but my eyes* are laughing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySjXFjLTagQ Sing Along fucked around with this message at 11:11 on Mar 3, 2017 |
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Mar 3, 2017 10:26
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Socks4Hands posted:My face is blank as I read this, but my eyes* are laughing. A suh, Bro? You get that farm? Good. It's time for round two. HAVE YOU SEEN BRUCE RICHARD REYNOLDS? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQqGuufyLlg
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Mar 4, 2017 02:57
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Socks4Hands posted:Are you pro-chaos or anti-chaos? Let's just say I watched the Lego Movie and learned the hard way. Ffs if you're anti chaos then you are inherently pro chaos. Harry Potter bs. 
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Mar 4, 2017 03:31
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naem posted:*muscle wizard casts HIGH PROTEIN DIET FART* I tried to corner that market years ago OC DO NOT STEAL  wizards are cool  even loser stoner wizards 
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Mar 11, 2017 22:17
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the proper term is fecomancer
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Mar 11, 2017 22:22
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Mar 11, 2017 23:03
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Yo new Lich dude, in case you get bored, some cool poo poo to try out: 1) set your phylactery in the eye sockets of a ship's mermaid figurehead. BOOM! Instant ghost ship! Skeleton pirates, monkey demon parrots, all the spooky fog you can cast! 2) if you don't want to get bothered all the time, just toss that poo poo into a dragon's treasure hoard. They'll fight to the death over every bronze and copper piece and if you're lucky your 'lac will corrupt them after only a few years, making them your big bony lizard bitch 3) I heard of this Dwarven lich who used some goblin booster rockets to launch his 'lac into low orbit. Dude is like 6,000 years old now, I've met eleven mage knights who keep mistaking him for an elder god because know one can figure out how to fuckin' end the dude, his phylactery is flying through the material plane at speeds a friggin' air elemental couldn't touch. Bust Rodd fucked around with this message at 13:39 on Mar 14, 2017 |
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Mar 14, 2017 06:19
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Hey everybody, Evil Wizarding student here. I decided to go with necromancy after all! But now I'm coming into a fork in the road. My advisor is pushing me to specialize in ghosts, says it's an up and coming field. "Transparent Glowing Green is the new Black" were his exact words. I'd always seen myself going more for the skeleton/zombie route but I hear there's some guys doing rad poo poo with ghosts out in Necronomicon Valley. I saw an article that HexTech has been putting poltergeists to good work in raising dark towers for their new 666G network. I've always been inspired by their motto ("Be Evil") and it looks like ghostbinding has come a long way in just the last 5 years. If anything ghosts are lower upkeep than skeletons and they're smarter than zombies, and as a free bonus you get all the ectoplasm you could ever need so... I guess I'm asking if anyone's had a bad experience with ghosts? Any reason I shouldn't go for it?
Vlonald Prump fucked around with this message at 09:13 on Mar 14, 2017 |
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Mar 14, 2017 09:10
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Biggest problems with ghosts come from the fact that most forms of ghost require some of their own unliving will to function. Skeletons are great because they don't have their own motives, but ghosts definitely do, and they're all slightly different. Even the ones with something that seems broad, like "kill all living things" usually do better work within a mile of where they died/their desecrated remains are. Modern ghostbinding uses forms of geas and mind control to get ghosts to behave, which is kinda trading one problem for another. You absolutely cannot get sloppy with ghosts, because an unchecked vengeful poltergeist is uniquely capable of wrecking your poo poo at the worst possible time. At HexTech, any sort of ghost-related misstep means you immediately join the ghostforce building those towers. All that said, a good evil career can be built on ghosts, and they'll probably be getting a lot of attention in the next couple of decades, at minimum. But physical undead will never go out of style.
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Mar 14, 2017 17:22
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Re: phylacteries If you are worried about your phylacteries, you should upgrade to an empowered phylactery. It is more expensive to create, (the sacrificed virgins alone are a bank breaker) but the extra defenses are really worth it. It also makes you more powerful, which is always nice. If you are on a budget, there are phylactery protection services. If you can trust them, I am not familiar with your level of paranoia and distrust. Due to a recent incident where some paladins tried to give me a cursed relic I have come into possession of several more cathedrals, so I have no shortage of places to hide my phylactery. Re: Ghosts The biggest problem with ghosts is that they are incorporeal. They are a great early warning system, they are great at scaring people off, they are great at possessing weak willed people and objects. But they can't actually physically touch those things. Ever ask a ghost to move something? They'll posses it and hurl it across the room. That has its uses, but not when you need to move your collection of crystal preserved souls. Also they do little to deter exceptionally strong willed individuals who are also less vulnerable to possession. Ghosts are useful, but you have to know how to use them.
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Mar 14, 2017 18:16
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be careful, I messed up the binding on some ghosts I summoned and the freshman dorm was haunted for like two years. Every night at 2 am "WHY HAST THOU SUMMONED ME WHY HAST THOU DISTURBED MY ANCIENT SLUMBER" It was a project for class now stop disturbing MY slumber. Sheesh!!
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Mar 15, 2017 01:58
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if you have ghost problems just summon a soul eating demon to take care of it, they are its natural predators
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Mar 15, 2017 03:04
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But what do you do with the soul eating demon you're stuck with? Look it's better to prevent issues from happening in the first place.
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Mar 15, 2017 03:13
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