shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

«‹›399 »

Stroop There It Is: Mar 11, 2012

Jerry Cotton posted:

Javert.

Bullshit, Russell Crowe's version is the only one this would be accurate for and that one doesn't count.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 23:08

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 15, 2024 02:06

Fart.Bleed.Repeat.: Sep 29, 2001

I'm just a vert
yes I'm only a vert

# ? Mar 3, 2017 23:12

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

What vert are you where you just cry every night?

a univert. Unless the blanket is over you, then you're a covert.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 23:50

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

I'm a vertvert, with a rising sign of vertdere, and shadow sign of tsun-vert with extro-dere traits

# ? Mar 4, 2017 04:00

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

I'm an alfvert. I only like to socialize with cats and when I say socialize I mean eat.

# ? Mar 4, 2017 04:54

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

I'm a vertibird

The Brotherhood HATES me

# ? Mar 4, 2017 04:57

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

If you leave the house of your own volition, you're a vertigo.

# ? Mar 4, 2017 08:11

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

goose willis posted:

I'm a vertibird

The Brotherhood HATES me

One CRAZY trick introverts don't want you to know?

# ? Mar 4, 2017 14:21

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

I was going to make a joke about how we should let introverts call themselves queer and add a letter for them onto the alphabet soup but then I remembered that there are people already who leave out the I for intersex and add D for demisexual and now I'm sad

# ? Mar 5, 2017 03:13

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

What about the demiverts? Or the Introsexuals?

# ? Mar 5, 2017 05:57

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

I'm an introsexual. I am only sexually attracted to people who are indoors. If they go outside, my juices just dry up. Patios cause me a great deal of confusion.

# ? Mar 5, 2017 07:30

DavidAlltheTime: Feb 14, 2008; All David...all the TIME!

I'm Vertfluid. Or, more specifically, Spontaneous-VertFluid, which is too long to say, so we prefer 'SpertFluid' for short, thanks.

# ? Mar 5, 2017 07:34

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

What about screened-in porches?

# ? Mar 5, 2017 07:34

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Eponine posted:

What about screened-in porches?

Stop triggering them for fun. This is a safe space. A safe INTERIOR space.

# ? Mar 5, 2017 07:41

ThNextGreenLantern: Feb 13, 2012

I'm just an emotionally stunted narcissist who appropriates medical terms to justify my insufferable behavior instead of growing as a person.

# ? Mar 5, 2017 08:15

Aleph Null: Jun 10, 2008; You look very stressed; Tortured By Flan

ThNextGreenLantern posted:

I'm just an emotionally stunted narcissist who appropriates medical terms to justify my insufferable behavior instead of growing as a person.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 02:11

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

"Goon" isn't a medical term, you cretin.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 02:19

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

ThNextGreenLantern posted:

I'm just an emotionally stunted narcissist who appropriates medical terms to justify my insufferable behavior instead of growing as a person.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 02:51

N. Senada: May 17, 2011; My kidneys are busted

ThNextGreenLantern posted:

I'm just an emotionally stunted narcissist who appropriates medical terms to justify my insufferable behavior instead of growing as a person.

Huge if true

It is a fat joke

# ? Mar 6, 2017 02:54

Mountaineer: Aug 29, 2008; Imagine a rod breaking on a robot face - forever

Here's some bullshit I just ran across on imgur.

Then someone entirely different and not all the same person using a different account posted this:

# ? Mar 6, 2017 15:08

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 15:49

Chef Bourgeoisie: Oct 9, 2016; by Reene

# ? Mar 6, 2017 17:50

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Read that as "is in A flat." a really politely worded insult

# ? Mar 6, 2017 17:56

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Chef Bourgeoisie posted:

Unlike most stuff posted here, I kinda wish this one did happen.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 18:58

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Nobody would appreciate living in an apartment adjacent to a piano player no matter how good they are. The only worse thing would probably be a drum player.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 19:07

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Nobody would appreciate living in an apartment adjacent to a piano player no matter how good they are. The only worse thing would probably be a drum player.

No, the worse thing is living in thre same building with a piano instructor

# ? Mar 6, 2017 19:46

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

I'd be cool living next door to a theremin player.

Everything would be spoooooky all the time.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:18

Sexual Aluminum: Jun 21, 2003; is made of candy; Soiled Meat

Teriyaki Hairpiece posted:

I'd be cool living next door to a theremin player.

Everything would be spoooooky all the time.

I think I'll have chicken for dinner.

WoooOOOOOooooOOOOOOO

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:46

Leave: Feb 7, 2012; Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.

"Honey, have you seen my keys?"

OOOoooOoOOO

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:26

TheMadMilkman: Dec 10, 2007

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Nobody would appreciate living in an apartment adjacent to a piano player no matter how good they are. The only worse thing would probably be a drum player.

Yep.

I have a shared townhouse wall with a really good pianist. Sometimes it's nice. Most of the time I wish they would just stop playing so I could have some peace and quiet.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:49

Choco1980: Feb 22, 2013; I fell in love with a Video Nasty

I live upstairs from a (very) amateur banjo player. For the past two and a half years I've had to listen to him practice the same chords for hours on end, rarely ever playing actual solo tunes. I think he's playing like, the backup harmony for a band piece or something often, but uh, nobody else is ever playing down there. It's as delightful as you can imagine.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 23:54

Drunk Tomato: Apr 23, 2010; If God wanted us sober,
He'd knock the glass over.

TheMostFrench posted:

'Also, they touched the flower without asking. Everyone in this class is a rapist.'

This is really weird because it's like an idiot's understanding of this one Christian sermon that follows this exactly but ends with the guy stating "Jesus wants the rose!"

I guess maybe also conservative Christians love using the rose / "deflowered" metaphor as part of their slut shamings... gross.

# ? Mar 7, 2017 00:24

Leave: Feb 7, 2012; Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.

Drunk Tomato posted:

"Jesus wants the rose!"

I'm picturing Jesus as a contestant on The Bachelorette.

# ? Mar 7, 2017 01:12

Evelyn Nesbit: Jul 8, 2012

Leavemywife posted:

I'm picturing Jesus as a contestant on The Bachelorette.

"I just don't think Jesus is here for the right reasons."

# ? Mar 7, 2017 03:54

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

lmao if you wouldn't bone down on the guy who can give you infinite wine. AND he's a carpenter, so he's gotta be handy around the house.

# ? Mar 7, 2017 03:57

Bogan King: Jan 21, 2013; I'm not racist, I'm mates with Bangladesh, the guy who sells me kebabs. No, I don't know his real name.

Danaru posted:

lmao if you wouldn't bone down on the guy who can give you infinite wine. AND he's a carpenter, so he's gotta be handy around the house.

If you hook up with Jesus though your going to have to meet a bunch of his friends and they're arseholes by and large.

# ? Mar 7, 2017 04:06

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Bogan King posted:

If you hook up with Jesus though your going to have to meet a bunch of his friends and they're arseholes by and large.

Yeah, and imagine what the potential father-in-law would be like. You HAVE to laugh at his Dad Jokes.

# ? Mar 7, 2017 05:03

Leave: Feb 7, 2012; Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.

For the inheritance coming, I'd laugh at any Dad Joke.

# ? Mar 7, 2017 05:35

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Chef Bourgeoisie posted:

In a different flat, please. Signed, your British neighbour.

# ? Mar 7, 2017 08:08

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 15, 2024 02:06

mediocre dad okay: Jan 9, 2007; The fascist don't like life then he break other's
BEAT BEAT THE FASCIST

Leavemywife posted:

For the inheritance coming, I'd laugh at any Dad Joke.

What inheritance? That rear end in a top hat is leaving everything to "the meek".

# ? Mar 7, 2017 09:44

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

«‹›399 »