TRUMP116: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUz9xCTOPRw

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP116: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUz9xCTOPRw

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Mariana Horchata: Jun 30, 2008; College Slice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGqPaXLxs5w

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:56

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 10:59

Nonsense: Jan 26, 2007

euphronius posted:

Cities should start building walls now imho

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX3UR1-oQ10

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:56

Baloogan: Dec 5, 2004; Fun Shoe

CARSON CARSON CARSON CARSON

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:56

jarofpiss: May 16, 2009

bem carson is dumb as hell and the posterchild of my "all doctors are 100% morons at anything other than doctorin'" theory

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:56

Rip_Van_Winkle: Jul 21, 2011; "When life gives you ghosts, you make ghost-robots"

I think this is a philosophy we can all aspire to.

Hey friend, remember that trying to do everything at once is super bad and will just end up burning you out. If you try to suddenly start eating only healthy things and cut your food intake by a lot and exercise four days a week for two hours and try to go to bed at like nine every night so you can get a perfect eight hours of sleep and stop drinking alcohol and all this other poo poo, you will hate it and you won't keep doing it because it sucks.

Like, the thing about exercise and eating better and all that poo poo is that it's annoying and inconvenient as hell and anyone who pretends it's not is an idiot. Hell yeah it'd rule to eat whatever all the time and never have to do anything and stay in perfect physical condition, anyone who honestly prefers this dumb sweaty reality over they hypothetical effort-free one is a shithead dumbass.

That said, it's still worth doing, for sure. Just don't do all of it at once right away. Do one thing - only one thing, doesn't matter what - until it feels like you've always been doing that thing and it would feel weird to not do that thing. It takes like 90 days before our brains really treat something as a habit or a routine, so it might take that long. Start with something really easy, like, when you're grocery shopping, buy a few pre-made salads at target as meals or buy a pair of kettlebells secondhand and use em twice a week. Twice or three times a week isn't going to make a big difference, physically, but it's just something really simple that doesn't take a lot of effort to do and the point is to ease into it.

Then once that thing is just a normal part of your life, you add another thing. And so on. It's not going to feel like a lot, especially at first and if you're anything like me you'll constantly be feeling like "man I'm not doing enough I should just be able to do more, all at once, I don't have the willpower apparently I'm just a lazy fucker". Well I actually really am a lazy fucker so I'm gonna get in shape like a lazy fucker because otherwise I won't be able to actually do the thing.

It sucks and trying to pretend it doesn't/won't suck is discouraging and it won't help. But it's doable and eventually it won't suck so much and the results will offset the suck to the point that it'll start feeling good not because it actually is cool and good to waste five hours a week picking up heavy stuff and putting it down and shuffling around a nasty stink room but because you feel good about having done it. Like vacuuming or whatever. It isn't super fun excellent yes but it can be really satisfying. Plus there's the physiological benefits beyond the obvious and cool vanity-based ones. Vanity is a perfectly good reason to work out but like it actually fucks your brain chemistry real good and that on it's own is a neato benefit too even if you end up looking exactly the same.

anyways lol troommnp or something

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:56

tacodaemon: Nov 27, 2006

Montasque posted:

It's true. Mastershake is Mastershook all the time.

But now he's the President's news source so it matters.

i think limbaugh and glenn beck are the only right-wing radio talkers who even try to make their shows entertaining instead of nonstop rage, and it is probably significant that they both came from a background as regular rock radio DJs

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:57

mormonpartyboat: Jan 14, 2015; by Reene

Lastgirl posted:

*is Ben Carson*

*goes to National Museum of African American History and Culture on the latest trial of cocktail benzos u prescribed yourself and tours the exhibits with an Orange Piss Golem*

*then it hits, the newest dosage of benzos, oh gently caress shouldn't have really tried it this day*

*the slave exhibit is doused in speilbergian and angelic light, and is enamored by the ethereal of it, the light reflecting off it. Carson feels himself drawn, almost floating towards a particular portrait of an african american slave. One thought flashes through his mind as his psyche adjusts to this dream-like world with his benzo glasses. "Salvation" he whispered as he looked square into the oppressed figure's eyes, almost peering into his very soul. "He wanted this. He did this so he could provide for his family and build their own pyramid grain silos."*

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:57

Big Fat Iguana: Aug 21, 2016; remember. and never lie.

mormonpartyboat posted:

https://twitter.com/ChrisJansing/status/838833853741547520

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:57

Zerg Mans: Oct 19, 2006

Montasque posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2eu-B5ZNPs

This is what all the talk-radio hosts and the right media are going with today.

Master Shake is milking this for all its worth

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:57

jarofpiss: May 16, 2009

Rip_Van_Winkle posted:

Hey friend, remember that trying to do everything at once is super bad and will just end up burning you out. If you try to suddenly start eating only healthy things and cut your food intake by a lot and exercise four days a week for two hours and try to go to bed at like nine every night so you can get a perfect eight hours of sleep and stop drinking alcohol and all this other poo poo, you will hate it and you won't keep doing it because it sucks.

Like, the thing about exercise and eating better and all that poo poo is that it's annoying and inconvenient as hell and anyone who pretends it's not is an idiot. Hell yeah it'd rule to eat whatever all the time and never have to do anything and stay in perfect physical condition, anyone who honestly prefers this dumb sweaty reality over they hypothetical effort-free one is a shithead dumbass.

That said, it's still worth doing, for sure. Just don't do all of it at once right away. Do one thing - only one thing, doesn't matter what - until it feels like you've always been doing that thing and it would feel weird to not do that thing. It takes like 90 days before our brains really treat something as a habit or a routine, so it might take that long. Start with something really easy, like, when you're grocery shopping, buy a few pre-made salads at target as meals or buy a pair of kettlebells secondhand and use em twice a week. Twice or three times a week isn't going to make a big difference, physically, but it's just something really simple that doesn't take a lot of effort to do and the point is to ease into it.

Then once that thing is just a normal part of your life, you add another thing. And so on. It's not going to feel like a lot, especially at first and if you're anything like me you'll constantly be feeling like "man I'm not doing enough I should just be able to do more, all at once, I don't have the willpower apparently I'm just a lazy fucker". Well I actually really am a lazy fucker so I'm gonna get in shape like a lazy fucker because otherwise I won't be able to actually do the thing.

It sucks and trying to pretend it doesn't/won't suck is discouraging and it won't help. But it's doable and eventually it won't suck so much and the results will offset the suck to the point that it'll start feeling good not because it actually is cool and good to waste five hours a week picking up heavy stuff and putting it down and shuffling around a nasty stink room but it might still feel good because you feel good about having done it. Plus there's the physiological benefits beyond the obvious and cool vanity-based ones. Vanity is a perfectly good reason to work out but like it actually fucks your brain chemistry real good and that on it's own is a neato benefit too even if you end up looking exactly the same.

anyways lol troommnp or something

i prefer binge drinking

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:58

Nonsense: Jan 26, 2007

can't afford gold's SAD

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:58

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

Stop drinking alcohol ?

Like ....not doing it?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:58

Rip_Van_Winkle: Jul 21, 2011; "When life gives you ghosts, you make ghost-robots"

I think this is a philosophy we can all aspire to.

jarofpiss posted:

i prefer binge drinking

but both at once

(please don't drink and lift you'll hurt yourself)

(or do if you want to die in a swole way)

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:58

MaxxBot: Oct 6, 2003; you could have clapped

you should have clapped!!

Pollyanna posted:

Yeah I might be settling into this weight, which is really bad. I'm getting up there fitness-wise (26) so I prolly missed the boat.

Damned bullshit that I gotta spend like 2 hours after work three times a week just to be marginally less chub

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

Zerg Mans: Oct 19, 2006

Feminasty Slut posted:

Once someone takes the audio and syncs it up with video of the talking shake It'll be funny and I'll watch it.

It's been done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1oilMKAwoE

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

Coolguye: Jul 6, 2011; Required by his programming!

real talk my best move with regard to workouts is getting a workout buddy. working out is boring and annoying but if you have a buddy to go with you it's a lot more fun and you have someone to keep you accountable. you make a promise to yourself, well, that's easy to break. you make a promise to someone else who's counting on you, then you're loving obligated.

also humongous lol at "getting up there"; i'm almost 32 and i'm in the best shape of my life.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

Montasque: Jul 18, 2003; Living in a hateful world sending me straight to Heaven

tacodaemon posted:

i think limbaugh and glenn beck are the only right-wing radio talkers who even try to make their shows entertaining instead of nonstop rage, and it is probably significant that they both came from a background as regular rock radio DJs

Yeah they're actually broadcasters who understand the medium.

Speaking of Glenn Beck...

https://twitter.com/glennbeck/status/838836873976025088

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

Rip_Van_Winkle posted:

Hey friend, remember that trying to do everything at once is super bad and will just end up burning you out. If you try to suddenly start eating only healthy things and cut your food intake by a lot and exercise four days a week for two hours and try to go to bed at like nine every night so you can get a perfect eight hours of sleep and stop drinking alcohol and all this other poo poo, you will hate it and you won't keep doing it because it sucks.

Like, the thing about exercise and eating better and all that poo poo is that it's annoying and inconvenient as hell and anyone who pretends it's not is an idiot. Hell yeah it'd rule to eat whatever all the time and never have to do anything and stay in perfect physical condition, anyone who honestly prefers this dumb sweaty reality over they hypothetical effort-free one is a shithead dumbass.

That said, it's still worth doing, for sure. Just don't do all of it at once right away. Do one thing - only one thing, doesn't matter what - until it feels like you've always been doing that thing and it would feel weird to not do that thing. It takes like 90 days before our brains really treat something as a habit or a routine, so it might take that long. Start with something really easy, like, when you're grocery shopping, buy a few pre-made salads at target as meals or buy a pair of kettlebells secondhand and use em twice a week. Twice or three times a week isn't going to make a big difference, physically, but it's just something really simple that doesn't take a lot of effort to do and the point is to ease into it.

Then once that thing is just a normal part of your life, you add another thing. And so on. It's not going to feel like a lot, especially at first and if you're anything like me you'll constantly be feeling like "man I'm not doing enough I should just be able to do more, all at once, I don't have the willpower apparently I'm just a lazy fucker". Well I actually really am a lazy fucker so I'm gonna get in shape like a lazy fucker because otherwise I won't be able to actually do the thing.

It sucks and trying to pretend it doesn't/won't suck is discouraging and it won't help. But it's doable and eventually it won't suck so much and the results will offset the suck to the point that it'll start feeling good not because it actually is cool and good to waste five hours a week picking up heavy stuff and putting it down and shuffling around a nasty stink room but because you feel good about having done it. Like vacuuming or whatever. It isn't super fun excellent yes but it can be really satisfying. Plus there's the physiological benefits beyond the obvious and cool vanity-based ones. Vanity is a perfectly good reason to work out but like it actually fucks your brain chemistry real good and that on it's own is a neato benefit too even if you end up looking exactly the same.

anyways lol troommnp or something

sir this is a drive-thru liquor store

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

mormonpartyboat: Jan 14, 2015; by Reene

hot n' juicy transcript

https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/838838816517603328

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

Nonsense: Jan 26, 2007

pool pee makes you susceptible to communal thinking.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

Al! posted:

sir this is a drive-thru liquor store

Lol

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:59

Elephanthead: Sep 11, 2008; Toilet Rascal

How is Carson blind to slavery too? I mean do Southern schools just skip right to civil war was about states rights?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:00

old beast lunatic: Nov 3, 2004; by Hand Knit

zegermans posted:

It's been done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1oilMKAwoE

Every single one of these is art.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:00

Schnorkles: Apr 30, 2015; It's a little bit juvenile, but it's simple and it's timeless.

We let it be known that Schnorkles, for a snack, eats tiny pieces of shit.

You're picturing it and you're talking about it. That's a win in my book.

euphronius posted:

Stop drinking alcohol ?

Like ....not doing it?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:00

ArmedZombie: Jun 6, 2004

prefect posted:

Wait, it's not a novel?

you read my mind

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:00

Coolguye: Jul 6, 2011; Required by his programming!

mormonpartyboat posted:

hot n' juicy transcript

https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/838838816517603328

so do black people have an assassination squad for their community or

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:00

mormonpartyboat: Jan 14, 2015; by Reene

i choose to believe that first section was a direct reference to friend bear

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:00

Schnorkles: Apr 30, 2015; It's a little bit juvenile, but it's simple and it's timeless.

We let it be known that Schnorkles, for a snack, eats tiny pieces of shit.

You're picturing it and you're talking about it. That's a win in my book.

https://twitter.com/SimonMaloy/status/838840753665232897

:siren:

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:01

Yossarian-22: Oct 26, 2014

mormonpartyboat posted:

hot n' juicy transcript

https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/838838816517603328

Eh, kinda seems like he's being taken out of context then

Like, what he said was still dumb and Trump-like, but it's not as bad as slaves literally coming here to pursue liberty

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:01

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Admiral Ray posted:

all you need is prayer for healtchre. it's like lobbying god to make sure you come out ahead!

stop pork barrel prayer and pay to pray!

there was a study that was all over the news awhile back which showed that prayer actually gives worse outcomes for patients if they know they're being prayed for

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:01

Schnorkles: Apr 30, 2015; It's a little bit juvenile, but it's simple and it's timeless.

We let it be known that Schnorkles, for a snack, eats tiny pieces of shit.

You're picturing it and you're talking about it. That's a win in my book.

https://twitter.com/jaketapper/status/838842021943128068

I forsee this ending well.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:02

Lastgirl: Sep 7, 1997; Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

mormonpartyboat posted:

hot n' juicy transcript

https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/838838816517603328

Ben going from "Billions of Billions of untapped neurons, waiting to be unlocked, fortunately I've created the Limitless Pill only except its a benzodiazepine oh btw human trafficking just means you're an immigrant." :laffo:

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:02

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

Schnorkles posted:

https://twitter.com/jaketapper/status/838842021943128068

I forsee this ending well.

So what are you goi g to do about it , tall man?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:03

paranoid randroid: Mar 4, 2007

Me: "what if Carl Sagan was really loving stoned literally all the time, and also a dumb surgeon?"
Ben Carson: *slowly descends from above on a harness hooked into a rope and pulley system*

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:03

Zerg Mans: Oct 19, 2006

Schnorkles posted:

https://twitter.com/jaketapper/status/838842021943128068

I forsee this ending well.

I really hope Comey gets loving shitcanned and is hated by everyone on both sides of the aisle for being such a pile of waste

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:03

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

Yossarian-22 posted:

Eh, kinda seems like he's being taken out of context then

Like, what he said was still dumb and Trump-like, but it's not as bad as slaves literally coming here to pursue liberty

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:03

prefect: Sep 11, 2001; No one, Woodhouse.
No one.; Dead Man’s Band

ArmZ posted:

you read my mind

My first thought was "boy, they're really going over-the-top with the characters they're creating".

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:03

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Shageletic posted:

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/25/books/review/strangers-in-their-own-land-arlie-russell-hochschild.html

Oh who'd have thought that racism is why they are like they are.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:03

magiccarpet: Jan 3, 2005

Schnorkles posted:

https://twitter.com/jaketapper/status/838842021943128068

I forsee this ending well.

i love the karmic universe

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 10:59

mormonpartyboat: Jan 14, 2015; by Reene

You can't overload [the brain]. Have you ever heard people say, "Friend Ben, don't take so many benzos, it will overload your brain?" You can't overload the human brain.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:04

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP116: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUz9xCTOPRw

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