/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

How I ruined my marriage, the trilogy

Part 1- I read online that a lot of men are beta cucks raising other men's children.

Me [35 M] with my wife [29F] of five years, wants a divorce after I requested a paternity test.

Part 2- I'm a petty little shitstain with no self awareness.

Me [35 M] with my wife [29F] of five years, wants a divorce after I requested a paternity testUpdates

Part 3- I still don't understand why this is happening to me?

Me [35 M] with my wife [29F] of five years, wants a divorce after I requested a paternity test [Final Update]

The best part of this is that the dude installed Tinder even before the separation and then started dating immediately after, even while posting about I WANT TO BE A FAMILYYYYYY. Five gets you ten that he was cheating or planning it even before this all went down and that's why he got so fixated on his wife's imaginary potential infidelity.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 00:05

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# ? May 30, 2024 22:15

PleasingFungus: Oct 10, 2012; idiot asshole bitch who should fuck off

Bubblyblubber posted:

Hubby geld, so what?

My 28F husband 28M have been seeing a fertility doc to conceive-- just discovered that he had a vasectomy while we were trying. I am about to freak out.

There was an update to this one, which I'm posting for basically one reason.

quote:

UPDATE: My 28F husband 28M have been seeing a fertility doc to conceive-- just discovered that he had a vasectomy while we were trying. I am about to freak out.Updates

submitted 5 months ago by throwaway6774

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/46tocd/my_28f_husband_28m_have_been_seeing_a_fertility/

Hey /r/relationships, sorry it took so long for an update, it has been a long road and a lot of you PM'd to ask how I was, which I really appreciate. I'm thankful for all of the great advice you gave and to the trolls who sent me nasty messages: gently caress you.

On to the update: So I confronted him about the aftercare instructions and at first he acted like he had no idea what they were or where they came from. I swear he acted like he had never heard the term 'vasectomy' before, which supremely pissed me off. After arguing about it for about 3 hours he finally admitted that he freaked out and got snipped because he had a horrible childhood and can't shake the feeling that he is going to screw up his own child. At this point I was beyond caring and wanted a divorce, and certainly didn't believe his reasons. He cried and kept FLIP FLOPPING ABOUT WANTING KIDS during the same argument, vasectomy and all. I couldn't take it and left to stay at a friend's house. I meant to speak with him again (and update you all) but honestly I was just devastated and I didn't end up speaking to him again until the end of march (this happened in feb) when I told him I would be seeking out a divorce. I couldn't justify staying with him when (a) my one true desire in life (motherhood) cannot be fulfilled with him, nor does he apparently even want to (i don't believe his excuse), and (b) he completely went against all transparency in our relationship instead of being honest. We didn't speak again until the end of may and to be honest I didn't even speak with a lawyer during that time because other than to go to work I barely got out of bed.

At the end of may he texted me a huge long message that essentially said that he was just scared and thought if I believed he was infertile he wouldn't have to own up to it and I wouldn't leave him. He said that after much soul searching he WANTS kids and always has (and this is evidenced to me by the fact that he LOVES kids and pays random babies way more attention than I do) but that he didn't want to lose his freedom just yet, didn't want our relationship to change, and felt a crushing sense of pressure when he thought about the fact that we are going to be shaping a human being's life. I agreed to meet up with him and we spent about 5 hours discussing the whole ordeal.

My birthday is June 24 and I pretty much didn't speak to him again after that last conversation except to say that what is done is done and I simply can't stay especially now that I can't trust him. On my birthday he asked if he could take me out for lunch. I was hesitant but said yes and essentially he had the reversal procedure done after our last talk and told me about it... on MY birthday. This actually really pissed me off and made me feel like he had no respect for my feelings. He begged for a second chance and said that he had all the time in the world to think about everything and that he let his fear get the better of him... which I can understand.

I still love this man despite everything and I can have empathy for his situation, but I just can't move past the lies. He was OK with letting my heart break thinking there was something wrong with me and that I might never get to be a mother. I also question whether or not he actually wants a baby or just me. Over the summer however he has shaped into Mr. Dad and sometimes he has me convinced that he really has made up his mind. We've been to the specialist who says that he's starting to present sperm in the vas deferens (a good sign this early after the reversal) but that it could be a year or two before fertility is where it needs to be to conceive. Its really difficult for me to make up my mind at this point and choose between a relationship that has always been extremely strong and has had ONE event of betrayal that he is trying to fix (but that I still don't trust...) and moving on to somebody else who might not be as compatible with me otherwise. There is also the issue of bringing a baby into a mix when I'm not even sure that the baby is wanted...

So yeah. That's where everything stands. Sorry if this is jumbled, I'm so over the whole thing and some of it was quite a while ago so details are fuzzy.

tl;dr: husband is a rat who is trying to revoke his rat license after being caught. I love him dearly but I don't trust him anymore. Not sure what to do.

(Most of her responses in the comments are to people criticizing her for wanting a baby in the first place.)

# ? Mar 13, 2017 00:54

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Splicer posted:

...I'm genuinely wondering if he divorced his wife based on something like this.

quote:

4. When you look into this baby's eye's what do you see.

yourself
the mailman
best friend
football team
a little bit of everyone

# ? Mar 13, 2017 00:59

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Antivehicular posted:

The best part of this is that the dude installed Tinder even before the separation and then started dating immediately after, even while posting about I WANT TO BE A FAMILYYYYYY. Five gets you ten that he was cheating or planning it even before this all went down and that's why he got so fixated on his wife's imaginary potential infidelity.

That is always behind the hey honey I'm stopping at the gorcery store on the way home. Want anything?

OH NICE EXCUSE ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?

# ? Mar 13, 2017 01:01

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Elsa posted:

That is always behind the hey honey I'm stopping at the gorcery store on the way home. Want anything?

OH NICE EXCUSE ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?

Yeah, it's a tale as old as time but it's still "classy"

# ? Mar 13, 2017 01:02

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

PleasingFungus posted:

There was an update to this one, which I'm posting for basically one reason.

(Most of her responses in the comments are to people criticizing her for wanting a baby in the first place.)

What he did was wrong. The story about the reversal progress taking another year sounds like another lie. But is there a chance she places way too much priority on having a baby and that caused her to overlook a lot of other poo poo. It just seems suspicious how her motivation is singularly, explicitly motherhood. Does she need a man for that?

# ? Mar 13, 2017 01:05

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Elsa posted:

What he did was wrong. The story about the reversal progress taking another year sounds like another lie. But is there a chance she places way too much priority on having a baby and that caused her to overlook a lot of other poo poo. It just seems suspicious how her motivation is singularly, explicitly motherhood. Does she need a man for that?

Lots of people have parenthood as a life goal, and it seems kind of crazy to yell at a 28-year-old married woman for wanting to be a mother? It's not like she's 15

(Insert lengthy rant here here about how women are constantly judged for their choices about motherhood, whatever those choices happen to be, that I don't really have the energy to write right now)

EDIT: Also if she'd pushed it off another year or two, people would be yelling at her that her eggs were ruined and how dare she have her inevitable hyper-Downs explosive-autist flipper babby

# ? Mar 13, 2017 01:10

Dunning Krugerrand: Dec 23, 2015; purestrain pyrite

Here's a doozy before I close my tabs and go to bed.

Sent here from r/relationships- My ex's wife catfished me and has been stalking my life. Need advice. (self.legaladvice)

quote:

Updated Info: Location: (PA, USA)

I'm going to just copy the post I had up on r/relationships as it includes everything.

Hi everyone, I usually browse on reddit so this is one my first times posting anything. Using a throwaway because I really don't know if this girl is also stalking my main account and don't want her to harass me over this post too. Sorry if this gets long, there's a fair bit of backstory to include.

So besides what happened, the really crazy thing about all of this is that I dated my ex 14 years ago. We dated on and off for one year before breaking up for good. We didn't have any more contact after that until maybe 5 years ago when facebook really took off and I added him. We exchanged some casual messages asking how the other was doing and that was it. It was around this time that he met his girlfriend, now wife. I remember that during one of these months I was going through a box of old photos my mom had sent over to my new apartment and I found a silly one of him and his best friend who passed away. I messaged him on fb and told him about it (I think this was before you could send pictures via messenger) and said "Haha good memories in this box." or something like that. A day or so after I sent it I was deleted from his facebook. I took a guess and figured his girlfriend didn't want him talking to his exes so I left it at that and never contacted him again.

A year later I get a message from his newly-made fiancee (lets call her Karen). Karen basically wrote me this long message saying I was a horrible person to him, I was a slut, she was so happy he was marrying her and not me, that they go on better weekends away than our "meaningless sex filled cabin weekend" and that the "diamonds he gave you were fake, which suits you". The last bit apparently was referring to this necklace he had bought me when we were dating that had three small gems on the pendant. I was pretty baffled as to why that even mattered but I didn't bother to respond. I didn't understand why he had told her all these details and more importantly why she felt the need to attack me over something that happened long before her. I deleted her message and soon after I just got off facebook altogether for a while.

Years went by and I thought that was it. However, this past November I started to talk to a "guy" I met through a dating app. We began texting every day and the thing is "he" even face timed me a few times. It was a guy who I saw and spoke with. I didn't think anything was suspicious because of this. Looking back a lot of things make sense now, like how they would ask me about my past, ask me who I considered my "greatest love", who "the one who got away" was, asking who my daughter's father was (this will come in later). For months we talked and I was honestly falling in love with this person. They would just say all the right things it seemed.

This past Sunday we agreed to meet. We set a date and time (yesterday). I sat waiting for "him" so when a small petite woman approached me I didn't really register what was going on until she sat down and said "Hey babe." and I got a good look at the face, and yup, it's Karen. I was in completely shock. Like I just sat there because I honestly felt my brain turn to sludge and my stomach dropped out of my butt.

Basically what was said after this- Karen told me she had initially been on this dating app posing as a guy to get info about another girl who worked with Jon who she thought liked him, and then she came across my profile. She said she thought it would be a good opportunity to "get answers" to questions she had had about me and Jon. She questioned the paternity of my daughter for a long time, because her age made her think that there was a possibility it could be Jon's (it's not. she is off by at least 2-3 years). She also said that my daughter had some similar features to Jon which made me even more bewildered as to how she'd even know. She said she'd been following mine and my sisters' instagrams and social media and had seen the pictures there. She then told me she had to find out how much Jon had mattered to me, if it was a great big love, etc. I asked her why the hell it mattered and why she couldn't just ask Jon what he felt. She said that she didn't want to hear him talk about me and suspected he'd make things less than they seemed because it would sound better.

I asked her who the guy was when I face timed or called. She said it was her friend who was in on the whole thing to make it more believable. She said she needed to make it "more legit" because otherwise I wouldn't open up to "him".

I just asked her "why" at the end of it all. She said that she had seen the message I sent him 5 freaking years ago about the picture and she was really upset because she would never be able to be a part of his life the way I was back then and she didn't have old pictures of him and would never meet people who had been important in his life back then. She said she was suspicious of me and him and what we had since that message and since we were friends on facebook after 'all that had happened' between us. Like...we dated for a year. When we were teenagers. It was mostly hormones, not burning passionate love.

I got up and told her to never contact me again. I deleted my profile on the app, blocked her and jon on facebook, privatized my instagram and told my sisters to do the same. The last day I've just been sort of in a daze. I don't know where to go from here. I just feel so sick and almost violated in a way that I've been going on with my life as normal and here is this woman with some senseless grudge against me who has been monitoring my accounts and my life and gaining access to my trust all because I dated her husband almost 15 years ago. I guess Im on here for advice on how to move past this and if I should/can do anything legally about this? It feels too big of a thing for me to just let go without her dealing with some sort of consequence.

tl;dr: My ex of 15 years ago's wife posed as a guy on a dating app to gain my trust and get back at me for dating her husband when we were teenagers. At a loss for how to move forward from this and what I can do legally.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 02:56

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Antivehicular posted:

Lots of people have parenthood as a life goal, and it seems kind of crazy to yell at a 28-year-old married woman for wanting to be a mother? It's not like she's 15

(Insert lengthy rant here here about how women are constantly judged for their choices about motherhood, whatever those choices happen to be, that I don't really have the energy to write right now)

EDIT: Also if she'd pushed it off another year or two, people would be yelling at her that her eggs were ruined and how dare she have her inevitable hyper-Downs explosive-autist flipper babby

I think the sex-without-kids years are kind of really really fun, and while I have those long long term goals of turning out normal, children NOW as a stated desire up front is just. Stuffy. Is this a biological drive that women feel, like men have that really annoying motivation to want sex? Does their body tell them specifically "we want a baby."

I knew a woman who said children and staying at home as a mom was a very important ideal for her. She's one of the most educated, kind, cute, and motivated women I've ever known. She was making an effort to spend time with me and I saw my life flash before my eyes with her in it, every time I saw her. But it scared the poo poo out of me and I stopped trying to spend time with her. We were around each other for a mutual activity so I didn't just pull the plug or anything like that. It's just that as much as she made me think this was it, I knew I would be going through with something I wasn't ready for.

And we spent a lot of time and effort around each other so as far as pre-dating goes that was as solid as it gets. If a woman mentioned those things to me any sooner I'd feel I was just being plugged in to some American Dream plan that didn't necessarily involve me. So if this was something she is laying on her OKCupid matches there's a reasonable expectation she's going to end up meeting a guy who will lead her on for the sex. Sounds like she'd be willing to do anything for a man who agrees to her plan.

But to sort of qualify this, I'm drat near still a child myself and I have no business looking after another human bean sprout.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:00

Adam Vegas: Apr 14, 2013

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Here's a doozy before I close my tabs and go to bed.

Sent here from r/relationships- My ex's wife catfished me and has been stalking my life. Need advice. (self.legaladvice)

Woaaaah. What gets me most about this is how calmly the ex's wife sat down and explained her entire master plan to the OP; I have this amazing mental image of her just chilling sitting there talking about how she just NEEDED to find out if her husband still had feelings for a girl he dated over a decade ago...

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:10

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Me [35 M] with my wife [29F] of five years, wants a divorce after I requested a paternity test.

This guy is clearly an rear end in a top hat and deserves to get divorced but the stats are actually pretty surprising with how common that kind of betrayal is and I think in an ideal world it would be either automatically done by the hospital or voluntarily offered by the mom just so everyone involved had as much reassurance as the mom gets by default. To be clear I would never ask for a test or advocate anyone else would unless they just wanna burn their relationship to the ground (or already suspect cheating) but it honestly doesn't seem that unreasonable for one to be performed when you consider that it's not some fraction of a percent thing but relatively common even among people who don't even sorta suspect any infidelity.

People are lovely and no one deserves to get stuck in that situation just for being a good trusting partner.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:13

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Why would you talk to someone for months over a dating service and be "falling in love" with them before meeting up for coffee. Something doesn't add up

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:15

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

ArbitraryC posted:

This guy is clearly an rear end in a top hat and deserves to get divorced but the stats are actually pretty surprising with how common that kind of betrayal is and I think in an ideal world it would be either automatically done by the hospital or voluntarily offered by the mom just so everyone involved had as much reassurance as the mom gets by default. To be clear I would never ask for a test or advocate anyone else would unless they just wanna burn their relationship to the ground (or already suspect cheating) but it honestly doesn't seem that unreasonable for one to be performed when you consider that it's not some fraction of a percent thing but relatively common even among people who don't even sorta suspect any infidelity.

People are lovely and no one deserves to get stuck in that situation just for being a good trusting partner.

Number one reason not to do it. It kinda fucks up the life of an innocent person who can't object or represent themselves.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:17

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Can't you just hold your loving tongue and pluck a hair from the kid and send it off

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:19

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

ArbitraryC posted:

This guy is clearly an rear end in a top hat and deserves to get divorced but the stats are actually pretty surprising with how common that kind of betrayal is and I think in an ideal world it would be either automatically done by the hospital or voluntarily offered by the mom just so everyone involved had as much reassurance as the mom gets by default. To be clear I would never ask for a test or advocate anyone else would unless they just wanna burn their relationship to the ground (or already suspect cheating) but it honestly doesn't seem that unreasonable for one to be performed when you consider that it's not some fraction of a percent thing but relatively common even among people who don't even sorta suspect any infidelity.

People are lovely and no one deserves to get stuck in that situation just for being a good trusting partner.

Source your quotes please

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:21

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

ArbitraryC posted:

This guy is clearly an rear end in a top hat and deserves to get divorced but the stats are actually pretty surprising with how common that kind of betrayal is and I think in an ideal world it would be either automatically done by the hospital or voluntarily offered by the mom just so everyone involved had as much reassurance as the mom gets by default. To be clear I would never ask for a test or advocate anyone else would unless they just wanna burn their relationship to the ground (or already suspect cheating) but it honestly doesn't seem that unreasonable for one to be performed when you consider that it's not some fraction of a percent thing but relatively common even among people who don't even sorta suspect any infidelity.

People are lovely and no one deserves to get stuck in that situation just for being a good trusting partner.

It definitely does happen relatively often, but not quite as much as it was inferred from earlier research.

Fathered by the Mailman? It�s Mostly an Urban Legend

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:22

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Hey honey, there's this geneology site that tells you your genetic makeup by racial percentage. We should try this as a family!

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:22

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Hughlander posted:

Number one reason not to do it. It kinda fucks up the life of an innocent person who can't object or represent themselves.

Yeah the reason as it is right now is because we don't have adequate social services so it's better to stick the baby with a "dad" against his consent than not, but ideally we'd have safety nets for that, child would be provided for by taxpayers, and not sorta ruin a dude's life over someone else's mistakes. Like I'm just talking in a general sense of a future that'd be better for everyone.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:24

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

The kid would be provided for by child support from their dad, and nurtured by the mom, unless they put it up for adoption. Like in any other case of a dude knocking up a girl and bouncing.

edit: Also lmao if you don't consider coercing a man to raise another man's child for 18 years as ruining his life.

Psycho Society fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Mar 13, 2017

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:26

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

ArbitraryC posted:

Yeah the reason as it is right now is because we don't have adequate social services so it's better to stick the baby with a "dad" against his consent than not, but ideally we'd have safety nets for that, child would be provided for by taxpayers, and not sorta ruin a dude's life over someone else's mistakes. Like I'm just talking in a general sense of a future that'd be better for everyone.

Oh no, the loving stable nuclear family that I desired and received was not built solely from my own genetic material TRULY THIS IS A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH

Were you also silently rooting for the guy who wanted to humiliate his fiancee in front of his friends to prove he wasn't some lame beta for raising her kid from a previous marriage?

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:28

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

I'm going to have kids with my wife, but I don't trust her enough to assume she's not cheating on me. This will be a healthy relationship.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:30

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Straight White Shark posted:

Oh no, the loving stable nuclear family that I desired and received was not built solely from my own genetic material TRULY THIS IS A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH

Were you also silently rooting for the guy who wanted to humiliate his fiancee in front of his friends to prove he wasn't some lame beta for raising her kid from a previous marriage?

No I just think it should be a consensual choice. Fwiw i think adoption is a very noble and worthwhile thing and would never think less of a man or women that raised a child that wasn't their own, I just strongly believe it should be a voluntary choice.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:30

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Elsa posted:

Can't you just hold your loving tongue and pluck a hair from the kid and send it off

Sounds like that's what he did and the results were incorrect, heh. I'm guessing it wasn't a legit paternity test because he had to sneak around trying to do it and is also clearly a complete dumbass

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:35

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Straight White Shark if you want someone to come inside your girlfriend that badly I'm sure she won't mind working something out.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:36

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

so like, what's the rate of false positives on paternity tests, and how does that rate compare to the actual rate of Your Wife Was Cheating The Baby Isn't Yours
e: like over the entire population of everyone who ever has children

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:38

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

ArbitraryC posted:

No I just think it should be a consensual choice. Fwiw i think adoption is a very noble and worthwhile thing and would never think less of a man or women that raised a child that wasn't their own, I just strongly believe it should be a voluntary choice.

I agree, but let's compare two guys in a scenario where their wife cheated on them while trying for a kid, had a successful pregnancy, and intends to stick with their partner--one of them (let's call him A) was the father of their kid, the other (B) wasn't. Both of them are in a lovely situation because their partner cheated behind their back, but I think it's silly to talk about B's life being "ruined" in a way that A's is not by virtue of the paternity of their kid.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:38

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

In the future babies likely will be tested genetically directly after birth, for health reasons.

I just can't really imagine having a baby and not knowing if it's mine. But in that case, perhaps a discrete genetic paternity test could be offered for those who think it's necessary? I'm honestly not sure how I feel about all that

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:39

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

If you're just looking at the rate of paternity tests that show that the baby has someone else as the father, that's of the number of people who chose to take paternity tests. If that's in the single digits then drat lol

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:40

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

You guys keep saying "relatively often" but you haven't said how common it is to be raising someone else's kid. 1 per 1000? 1 per 100? I kind of doubt it is very common in the cases where you are already married to someone and are having a baby. If you aren't married or aren't exclusive then caveat emptor.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:43

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

InediblePenguin posted:

so like, what's the rate of false positives on paternity tests, and how does that rate compare to the actual rate of Your Wife Was Cheating The Baby Isn't Yours
e: like over the entire population of everyone who ever has children

For the latter case I've seen numbers as high as 1/10 and as low as 1/100. I think the more rigorous studies say it's around 2% or 1/50. And this is explicitly for fathers who have no idea, they did everything right, trusted their partners, raised the kids, etc, it just seems senseless for something that's such a simple test that's only really barred by social conventions. That's why imo the best solution is to take it out of the environment where it's an obviously loaded request and just treat it as a right to verified paternity.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:43

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

ArbitraryC posted:

Yeah the reason as it is right now is because we don't have adequate social services so it's better to stick the baby with a "dad" against his consent than not, but ideally we'd have safety nets for that, child would be provided for by taxpayers, and not sorta ruin a dude's life over someone else's mistakes. Like I'm just talking in a general sense of a future that'd be better for everyone.

I guess informed consent isn't so important if you're a dude.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:45

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

One in a hundred. Not frequent. That is pretty often considering like, all the people in your town though.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:45

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Pick posted:

If you're just looking at the rate of paternity tests that show that the baby has someone else as the father, that's of the number of people who chose to take paternity tests. If that's in the single digits then drat lol

No, it's already a single digit in trusting households, there's a huge spike if there's a suspicion.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:46

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

There's a better source, bone narrow compatibility tests. I'll try to find a link

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:48

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Psycho Society posted:

It definitely does happen relatively often, but not quite as much as it was inferred from earlier research.

Fathered by the Mailman? It�s Mostly an Urban Legend

quote:

Beverly I. Strassmann, a University of Michigan anthropologist who gathered the data on paternity rates in Mali, agreed that widespread cuckoldry �was an urban legend. It seemed to have a life of its own.�

The evidence of low rates of cuckoldry comes not just from gene studies, she noted. In species where females mate with many males, the males tend to evolve sperm that are good at competing for fertilization. The males may produce large amounts of sperm, for example, and a high percentage swim well.

Humans, however, don�t rate in the sperm department.

�It�s of amazingly low quality,� Dr. Strassmann said. �Half the sperm can be duds; they can have two heads; they can be defective in all sorts of ways.�

The only way for men to have evolved comparatively ineffectual sperm, she added, was for them to have experienced high rates of paternity over time.

That's pretty funny. Because cuckoldry is largely a myth male sperm don't actually have to compete with other male sperm. Because of that the modern man's sperm is on the short bus to insemination school :lol:

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:48

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

If you are at a point where you don't trust that your wife's baby is yours, just leave and pay the child support once you get the paternity test, because your marriage isn't going to last much longer anyways.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:52

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

ArbitraryC posted:

For the latter case I've seen numbers as high as 1/10 and as low as 1/100. I think the more rigorous studies say it's around 2% or 1/50. And this is explicitly for fathers who have no idea, they did everything right, trusted their partners, raised the kids, etc, it just seems senseless for something that's such a simple test that's only really barred by social conventions. That's why imo the best solution is to take it out of the environment where it's an obviously loaded request and just treat it as a right to verified paternity.

For reference, the 10% figure mostly comes from studies of studies where they're averaging a bunch of studies that say 1-3% with a couple of outliers that say 30% (most of which are based on the self-selected pool of people who got a paternity test because they suspected their wife of cheating.)

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:53

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Play posted:

In the future babies likely will be tested genetically directly after birth, for health reasons.

I just can't really imagine having a baby and not knowing if it's mine. But in that case, perhaps a discrete genetic paternity test could be offered for those who think it's necessary? I'm honestly not sure how I feel about all that

Gattaca was an alright film

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:54

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Improbable Lobster posted:

Gattaca was an alright film

Agreed

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:56

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# ? May 30, 2024 22:15

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Eponine posted:

If you are at a point where you don't trust that your wife's baby is yours, just leave and pay the child support once you get the paternity test, because your marriage isn't going to last much longer anyways.

Right and that's why I said you should never ask, just suck it up and take that 2% chance, my intent is to address this in a way that gives equal rights to men and women in this area without turning it into some dumb needless trust test. The real numbers show that regardless of trust, it still happens. We could have the ability to make it not happen anymore, and that would be most fair to everyone.

# ? Mar 13, 2017 03:56

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