Bubblyblubber posted:

I wish we could scan babies for the goon gene that predisposes fine upstanding people to get into boring derails, and then mercifully drown the afflicted right after birth. Shhhh it's for the best little one shuuuush

On other baby news:

My [25f] brother [27m] admitted he sabotaged his letter of reference for our brother [32m] and his husband's [33m] adoption because he lives with them and doesn't want them to have a kid yet. My sister [28f] thinks they deserve to know, I don't want to get involved. What should I do?

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I've had to show my husband that travel can be enjoyable and he still doesn't really enjoy it because travel wasn't fun for him as a kid. It was always driving to bumfuck, nowhere, avoiding anything remotely fun on the way. His grandma lived it Wisconsin and Utah and he had never even seen the Minneapolis skyline. His mom would drive alllll the way around to avoid driving in Minneapolis. It legit made me sad to think of him as a little kid never getting to go to Legoland/Camp Snoopy in the MoA

Pick posted:

quote:

u/gottagetthere
My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years, and she moved in with me a little over two months ago. She has a history of sleep-talking, and I've heard funny stories from her siblings and former college roommates about things she has said in her sleep. She doesn't sleep-talk often, though, and in our two-year relationship, I had only heard her talk in her sleep once.

Starting about a week and a half ago, she has started sleep-talking almost daily, and the things she has been saying are starting to scare me.

If I were to describe my girlfriend in one word, it would be cheery. When I met her she was wearing a yellow sundress, and hearing her say things like, "I'm gonna murder them all creepy laugh" and "Kill everyone" as she is lying next to me is making me question everything. I mean, is she secretly a sociopathic killer living a double life?

Part of me thinks I am being really immature and over-reacting, but the other part of me thinks something is really wrong here. How should I proceed? Preferably without being murdered...

tl;dr: My sleep-talking girlfriend who normally would say innocent things like "I'm so hungry" or "Where's the elevator" in her sleep is now saying thinks like "I'm gonna murder them all +creepy laugh" and "Kill everyone". Should I be concerned about her mental health/my safety, or is she just having bad dreams?

fruit on the bottom posted:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t9xoVTmMX5E


This is probably one of my favorites.

Bubblyblubber posted:

Well, fine then

My [24M] girlfriend [22F] just moved in and she's been sleep-talking about murder. Should I be worried?

Antivehicular posted:

I feel like "really concerned about what a sleep-talker is saying and sure it reflects on their real life somehow" is the flip side to "has a dream about their SO doing something bad and is angry at them for the rest of the day"

Mordor She Wrote posted:

Sounds just like something one of my hot topic loving friends would have done in high school to be edgy, also being mad at people for things that happen in dreams is legitimately insane.

Mordor She Wrote posted:

My parents hated driving so I only ever got to go to Camp Snoopy a couple times and my father told me to avoid Minneapolis/St. Paul cause you'll get killed by the "gangs".

Pick posted:

holy poo poo

Straight White Shark posted:

If you raise the kid, it's 100% YOUR OWN child regardless of whose baby batter went in. You can disagree, but while it may or may not make you a monster it definitely makes you an rear end in a top hat to anyone coping with infertility.

Yawgmoth posted:

^^ Depends on where; N Hennepin is a great area to find bullets that may or may not be moving quickly through the air, S Hennepin is almost nothing but hipster coffee shops.
What does or does not court as YOUR OWN entirely depends on the individual. I personally would not consider a kid that is not 50% Yawgmoth By Volume to be "my own". Others are welcome to their own opinion as to what constitutes a child being their own; if someone adopts a kid and introduces them as "my son" I'm not gonna say otherwise.

Yawgmoth posted:

^^ Depends on where; N Hennepin is a great area to find bullets that may or may not be moving quickly through the air, S Hennepin is almost nothing but hipster coffee shops.
What does or does not court as YOUR OWN entirely depends on the individual. I personally would not consider a kid that is not 50% Yawgmoth By Volume to be "my own". Others are welcome to their own opinion as to what constitutes a child being their own; if someone adopts a kid and introduces them as "my son" I'm not gonna say otherwise.

Yawgmoth posted:

^^ Depends on where; N Hennepin is a great area to find bullets that may or may not be moving quickly through the air, S Hennepin is almost nothing but hipster coffee shops.
What does or does not court as YOUR OWN entirely depends on the individual. I personally would not consider a kid that is not 50% Yawgmoth By Volume to be "my own". Others are welcome to their own opinion as to what constitutes a child being their own; if someone adopts a kid and introduces them as "my son" I'm not gonna say otherwise.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Does your paternity only count if you sign the birth certificate in a court without a gold fringe on the flag?

Your wife presents you the baby and you're not sure if its yours do you just yell "I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVING THIS CHILD, I'M A FREEDAD ON THE LAND" and get out of child support?

Mordor She Wrote posted:

My parents hated driving so I only ever got to go to Camp Snoopy a couple times and my father told me to avoid Minneapolis/St. Paul cause you'll get killed by the "gangs".

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

my wife wants a paternity test after our kid is born after watching tons of Maury

I figure whatever I'll go along with it to make her happy, but I don't have any doubt that any issue will be mine because she hates pretty much every other human being on earth besides myself and her in laws and and can't stand to be touched by anyone else

Fullhouse posted:

how on earth does this make any sense from the woman's perspective without an outright admission of cheating

unless you have an open relationship or she thinks that perhaps she hosed some other dude and forgot

Fullhouse posted:

how on earth does this make any sense from the woman's perspective without an outright admission of cheating

unless you have an open relationship or she thinks that perhaps she hosed some other dude and forgot

Pick posted:

I always have dreams about forgiving my friends. They do the lovely things IRL.

Straight White Shark posted:

If you raise the kid, it's 100% YOUR OWN child regardless of whose baby batter went in. You can disagree, but while it may or may not make you a monster it definitely makes you an rear end in a top hat to anyone coping with infertility.

I do not condone cheating and a woman who cheats on her partner and then conceals it to raise a kid with them has definitely betrayed them in a huge way, but this is true whether the sperm that impregnated her came from him or someone else--either way, she cheated, it sucks for him. The genetic paternity of the kid he's raising is small potatoes next to the cheating and lying.

Not wanting to raise step children is something else altogether--you missed out on all kinds of once-in-a-lifetime milestones with them, but still have to deal with whatever fuckups and hangups someone else raised them with. While you can still have deep, meaningful, important relationships as a step parent, you will never quite have the same relationship with them as someone who raised them from birth. I can't fault someone for not wanting to deal with that.

quote:

6 points 25 comments submitted 1 year ago by GFEroticAuthor to r/relationships

Hi all, somewhat long post here since I am freaking out.

I have been going out with my girlfriend, Suzy, for about a year now. I really love her and we are moving in together soon.

Lately, though, I have started to feel paranoid about the relationship due to some discoveries I made about her authoring sexual stories. While helping pack up her things I found a series of papers that contained erotica written in her handwriting. The manuscripts weren't dated but they were in pretty good shape so I don't know how old they are. Not my proudest moment but I secreted them away so that I could read them myself; I thought that they would help me understand her kinks better.

The theme in every one of the stories is cheating/cuckolding. Like a typical set-up would be that the girl is dating a guy but gets restless and seeks out new partners.The new guy gives her sexual satisfaction while the old guy is totally clueless and thinks that the girl is faithful to him. The stories also focus on how the girl gets off on deceiving her boyfriend. Lots of "he had no idea," "it would crush him to find out but he never would," that sort of humiliating stuff.

If that weren't disconcerting enough, there was one really long story that seemed very...personal. It was written in third person about a girl who wrote cuckold erotica as an expression for her own fantasies. When she gets in a long relationship with a guy she starts cheating on him and getting off on the deception, etc. Basically this really long story is about how her fantasies were all surpassed by the "real life" experience of cuckolding her boyfriend and hiding it from him. There were also lines in there about how he didn't even know that she had those fantasies, etc.

I almost pooped myself reading this poo poo. It was so graphic in detailing the thoughts of these serial cheaters and how their bfs are getting aggressitvely cuckolded that I couldn't help but worry about whether they had any connection to reality. The last one in particular, though written in third person, really could describe our relationship. Like, I didn't think that I was getting cheated on but the stories are all about guys who got blindsided by this cheating stuff.

Should I be worried about this? Should I tell her I found the manuscripts? It would crush me to be cheated on but at this point all I have is suspicion. It's a horrible feeling that I could be being cheated on and after reading the stories it seems like it could totally be happening.

tl;dr I found erotica written by my gf; it's all about girls who get off on cuckolding and lying to their SO's. Should I worry about getting cheated on? Should I tell her I found the manuscripts?

therobit posted:

Did your dad get mugged by Garrison Keiler?

Faffel posted:

What is wrong with your life

Why don't you just to human free like me

Pick posted:

??

Faffel posted:

Every time you share a personal anecdote it's about lovely people. It seems statistically improbable and that you'd be better off avoiding human contact like other goons.

You're like the Mirthless of emotionally stunted personal relationships or something

La Brea Carpet posted:

Does your paternity only count if you sign the birth certificate in a court without a gold fringe on the flag?

La Brea Carpet posted:

Your wife

Improbable Lobster posted:

The sentence "Why don't you just to human free like me" is word salad

Bubblyblubber posted:

We peaked too soon with the current title, but The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: [ANGRY MONKEY NOISES] has a great ring to it.

Faffel posted:

You're like the Mirthless of emotionally stunted personal relationships or something

Mordor She Wrote posted:

I wish, he's a guard at a juvie and likes to pretend he is a hardened beat cop which mostly just translates to horrible racism and pretending every place that has a population over 1000 is an instant death trap. Like my first experience being in a city was driving to the science museum in St Paul and him point at a group of black people and saying "here they are intelligent enough to move in herds". I was like 8 or something.

quote:

submitted 1 year ago by xpsd_thrwwy

This is something that has appeared out of the blue, and I'm not fully equipped to deal with it at all, it's completely changed how I view our relationship over the past year.

So to cut to the chase, I ended up reading texts between my girlfriend and her friend [26F] (let's call her Nami) because at a party Nami had made a suggestive comment to me about pegging and how all men should try it the day after my girlfriend finally convinced me to.

In my defense, I just wanted to know if they were talking about it because this was not something I felt comfortable to have discussed outside our bedroom. Nami is an ex-girlfriend of my college roommate, and is dating someone else I don't interact with now.

So, my girlfriend (let's say Tanya), has been discussing Everything with Nami. They texted about almost nothing else, and scrolled so far back in time that I exported the contents of their conversation to read on my computer!

The conversations are tough to wrap my head around would be something like "What should I wear?, "Wear the red dress". Nami would tell Tanya what to wear for dates, what to shop for, tell her how to respond to any arguments we had, and also how to perform in bed.

The time she cosplayed in bed? Nami says. Naughty photos she's sent me? Nami says! The personalised gift she made me for my birthday? Nami says! Preparing me for (months apparently) pegging? Nami says!! You get the picture. It's like a daily routine

I don't know what they've shared beyond textual information, but this is everything she's said and done to me for the past year and it seems to have just started a year ago. This lady apparently now knows how I eat, sleep, and gently caress. This is not something I consented to man.

I'm not naive and it seems to me almost like they've got some kind of subtle Domme/Sub thing going. There seems to be no evidence for physically cheating on me, and I really doubt she would do something like that but I hope you understand that I don't trust anything around me anymore.

So I need to confront my girlfriend, but like...how? What? Is this relationship ending stuff? I mean it was all fine till literally three hours ago, and I am extremely happy with her. Was. Might continue to be. But What??

How do you react to something like this? Please I just need to bounce this off people.

I know it's super specific and identifiable but neither of them reddit so I guess it's okay. Them finding something like this Later, I'm not concerned with.

tl;dr: Girlfriend's friend(26F) has been essentially controlling our relationship by commanding my girlfriend for over a year now, and my gf has been sharing Every detail with her. Wtf and how do I respond to this?

quote:

submitted 1 year ago by xpsd_thrwwy

Update to my post from last month. I waited a while to post an update because I wanted to provide some semblance of closure to all the people that helped with their opinions.

I got back from my trip abroad and told her to take some time off and visit me because we needed to talk. She seemed pretty jumpy right from the start. I opened with the fact that Nami had made me feel uncomfortable at the party, and that I was sorry for not confronting Tanya about it, but had gone through her phone instead.

So, I was let off the hook for checking Tanya's phone very easily to my relief (but to the displeasure of many of you, I know), because she burst into tears right then and there. She took a little time to sob while I just sat there saying I just wanted to know what's going on because my imagination was getting the better of me, and for what it's worth, she came clean fully.

So Tanya's version is that initially it was just texting to ask for stuff and sex tips etcetera, but eventually they started trying to 'fix the problem' with her inhibitions. For this, Nami would give her some risquée 'dare' for Tanya to complete. It seemed like fun stuff at the start, singing in the streets, striking conversations with strangers; what made me angry at Tanya is her complicity with the nudes. In my head these were coming straight to me, but they were going through Nami, who would direct her and then pick and choose. She stopped sending them to her when Nami began to make her feel a bit uncomfrotable about it.

Tanya says to me at this point was that this did lower her inhibitions significantly but my only response when this conversation happened was 'what the gently caress Tanya'. Which I believe was a fair opinion. She said she found it quite easy whenever she was feeling indecisive to just get Nami in on it and do whatever she said.

I was appalled at how casually she spoke about that, reminding her that it was my personal life she was also sharing, and that this was unacceptable from someone I considered closest to me. How could I trust you anymore, Tanya? So I did put down an ultimatum, no more talking to Nami, period. At all, for now, maybe later it could no more talking to Nami about us.

She goes ahead with it and few days later I get a call from Nami. She emails me all the photos that Tanya had sent her and then basically goes all banshee on the phone. Calls me a bitch and a cuckold, that Tanya was her nympho slave from day 1; straight up starts sending links to pictures from bdsm websites (for clarity: not pictures of Tanya on websites, just random pictures lol) saying that this is the stuff she did to her.

But you see Tanya had already shown me all the photos that Nami was claiming she took during their 'colorful' times together. And Nami strangely didn't have any photos of the stuff she was claiming, which I'd think, she would definitely have done considering how hosed this all was.

So, I don't know, Nami's reveal as being absolutely loving cray-cray sort of softened my stance on Tanya, but I've still taken a break from our relationship because there was far too much batshit crazy going on. Had to threaten legal action against the N's tirades about leaking the pictures (It also helped that Tanya and I added that we really didn't care if that came to pass. Thanks for lowering inhibitions, Nami!)

tl;dr: Am on a break from our relationship. Tanya was behaving irresponsibly but Nami turned out to be completely mouth-foam rabid crazy, I did the Life of Pi thing and chose Tanya's version of events for my piece of mind.

I'm sorry for the wall of text, hope this satisfies any of you that were as curious as me as to what the gently caress was going on.

quote:

My wife of five years and I have a wonderful marriage, and I am madly in love with her. The one problem is that I have a particular fetish that she is not aware of and I can’t indulge with her: I like to masturbate with other men. No touching, no kissing, just masturbating together either in person or via webcam. This is completely independent from our sex life, which is satisfactory, if vanilla. I don’t do it often, and when I do, I don’t give any identifying information or invite anyone to our home. I internally justify it by telling myself that it’s not something I can do with her anyway, and masturbating by myself isn’t cheating, so why does it matter if someone else is there? This is crazy, isn’t it? I either need to tell her and hope for her unlikely blessing or knock it out and keep it as a fantasy like any other person in a committed, monogamous relationship, right?

Antivehicular posted:

I feel like "really concerned about what a sleep-talker is saying and sure it reflects on their real life somehow" is the flip side to "has a dream about their SO doing something bad and is angry at them for the rest of the day"

La Brea Carpet posted:

Not from reddit, but...


He must have a lot of really powerful crystals by now.

Elsa posted:

It makes sense to me if she has a history of death metal and he's asian or something. Comes from a culture of arranged marriages maybe. I thought the most unfortunate thing was the accidental youtube history. It seemed like he decided to revisit the topic as a result, and to her it would seem out of the blue.

Bubblyblubber posted:

Hey honey how about we try something bug gently caress insane in bed tonight?

My [25 M] girlfriend [25 F] (dating for 2 years) has been sharing ALL the intimate and private details of our relationship with her friend and following every single piece of advice to the point that it feels like an affair. Relationships




[UPDATE] My [25 M] girlfriend [25 F] (dating for 2 years) has been sharing ALL the intimate and private details of our relationship with her friend and following every single piece of advice to the point that it feels like an affair. Updates