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fantastic in plastic
Jun 15, 2007

The Socialist Workers Party's newspaper proved to be a tough sell to downtown businessmen.


The Ides of March have come, Roman history thread.

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Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

All human endeavor was a complicated delivery system for this perfect thing:

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


I would still pay a significant amount of money if someone actually made that.

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Grand Fromage posted:

I would still pay a significant amount of money if someone actually made that.

I couldn't find that, but someone did make a neat little Spartan one on Etsy. Phoneposting, or I'd share a pic too.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/251048...CFUtNfgodSOEEBA

Pontius Pilate
Jul 25, 2006

Crucify, Whale, Crucify

Grand Fromage posted:

I would still pay a significant amount of money if someone actually made that.

Agreed. I'd prefer a more classical Caesar though.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

Pontius Pilate posted:

Agreed. I'd prefer a more classical Caesar though.

Yeah, where's the awkward combover?

Baron Porkface
Jan 22, 2007


What was the leading cause of downfall for Egyptian dynasties?

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Mostly revolts against the Goa'uld.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)

Baron Porkface posted:

What was the leading cause of downfall for Egyptian dynasties?

People.

skasion
Feb 13, 2012

Why don't you perform zazen, facing a wall?

Fo3 posted:

People.

In a shocking twist, people were also responsible for the downfall of the Roman republic, the Roman Empire, the fake Roman Empire, the Third Roman Empire, and the Holy Roman Empire. In conclusion, it is my opinion that people must be destroyed.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)

skasion posted:

In conclusion, it is my opinion that people must be destroyed.
Agreed.
We've tried genocide before but haven't quite been able to finish the job. Good news is that we're getting better at it.

Fo3 fucked around with this message at 14:55 on Mar 16, 2017

Koramei
Nov 11, 2011

I have three regrets
The first is to be born in Joseon.

Baron Porkface posted:

What was the leading cause of downfall for Egyptian dynasties?

There were only a handful of assassinations or usurpations of kings in all of ancient Egyptian history, most of the time when there was a new dynasty it was either from an overt lack of heirs, or more commonly because the heir there was considered themself different enough to warrant a new dynasty- say if succession followed a general marrying the king's sister, rather than the successor being his son. Most of the dynasties (in one period- there was a total split between old and middle, middle and new kingdoms) were at least distantly related though. So dynasties rarely "fell", mostly they just changed. Ancient Egyptian history was, with a handful of major exceptions, remarkably stable.

Ainsley McTree
Feb 19, 2004


skasion posted:

In a shocking twist, people were also responsible for the downfall of the Roman republic, the Roman Empire, the fake Roman Empire, the Third Roman Empire, and the Holy Roman Empire. In conclusion, it is my opinion that people must be destroyed.

Skynet did nothing wrong

Omnomnomnivore
Nov 14, 2010

I'm swiftly moving toward a solution which pleases nobody! YEAGGH!
Something I realized I don't know and this question might just be kind of ignorant but: how do we know what we know about ancient Egypt? Is it mostly archaeology? Do we have written sources? In what language - translated hieroglyphics? Are there ancient historical texts Egypt, or lists of pharos, stuff like that? As has been often pointed out, Egypt was incredibly old by the classical period we think of as "ancient", so I'm wondering how we're actually able to say anything about the Old Kingdom or whatever.

Deteriorata
Feb 6, 2005

Omnomnomnivore posted:

Something I realized I don't know and this question might just be kind of ignorant but: how do we know what we know about ancient Egypt? Is it mostly archaeology? Do we have written sources? In what language - translated hieroglyphics? Are there ancient historical texts Egypt, or lists of pharos, stuff like that? As has been often pointed out, Egypt was incredibly old by the classical period we think of as "ancient", so I'm wondering how we're actually able to say anything about the Old Kingdom or whatever.

All of those. There are some written records, both native Egyptian and from surrounding cultures, there's translated hieroglyphics for sacred writing and demotic for everyday stuff. There's also archeology which provides context and dating for artifacts and sometimes new written sources.

For example, we have the Story of Sinuhe as a piece of literature dating from ca. 2000 BC. The Egyptians wrote all over any flat surface so there's lots of records on temple walls and stuff.

fishmech
Jul 16, 2006

by VideoGames
Salad Prong
These days yeah, we know a lot about Ancient Egypt from the hieroglyphics and other writings that were left behind, thanks to rediscovering the language and ongoing translation efforts. Before that though, we had gotten most of our info from foreign sources which we assume must have been translated from the original Egyptian writings when the ancient scripts were still being actively used. And that method had all the corruptions and exaggerations you'd expect from stuff that was transmitted through multiple languages over thousands of years.

There's a decent amount of Egyptian history that isn't yet covered in clearly authentic text that's been translated yet though, so we continue to have to try to rely on archaeological evidence and reference to the existing flawed histories from Greece, Rome, etc to try to understand it.

sbaldrick
Jul 19, 2006
Driven by Hate

Jerusalem posted:

All human endeavor was a complicated delivery system for this perfect thing:



Why isn't this a real thing?

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

skasion posted:

In conclusion, it is my opinion that people must be destroyed.

Fo3 posted:

Agreed.
We've tried genocide before but haven't quite been able to finish the job. Good news is that we're getting better at it.

Oh great the Assyrians are hijacking accounts again :argh:

King of False Promises
Jul 31, 2000



Omnomnomnivore posted:

Something I realized I don't know and this question might just be kind of ignorant but: how do we know what we know about ancient Egypt? Is it mostly archaeology? Do we have written sources? In what language - translated hieroglyphics? Are there ancient historical texts Egypt, or lists of pharos, stuff like that? As has been often pointed out, Egypt was incredibly old by the classical period we think of as "ancient", so I'm wondering how we're actually able to say anything about the Old Kingdom or whatever.

All you need is Herodotus.

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016

King of False Promises posted:

All you need is Herodotus.

The men go to the market while the women work, now that's wacky!

edit: or women work and go to market while the men stay at home and weave, still very zany and exotic.

Grevling fucked around with this message at 23:09 on Mar 16, 2017

Deteriorata
Feb 6, 2005


The statue has been lifted from the water and identified:

quote:

Khaled el-Anani told a news conference the statue was almost certainly Psamtek I, who ruled between 664 and 610BC.

sullat
Jan 9, 2012
Wasn't the classification of the dynasties done by the Ptolemies? So some transitions are pretty eay to spot... Nubian dynasty replaced by Assyrian collaborator dynasty replaced by Persian-supported dynasty, while others are less well known how they decided one dynasty ended and another began.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

King of False Promises posted:

All you need is Herodotus.

Herodotus is like those 40's pulp sci-fi novels.

ANT PEOPLE OF THE MYSTERIOUS EAST!

packetmantis
Feb 26, 2013

Grand Fromage posted:

Mostly revolts against the Goa'uld.

Best post in this thread award.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

skasion posted:

In a shocking twist, people were also responsible for the downfall of the Roman republic, the Roman Empire, the fake Roman Empire, the Third Roman Empire, and the Holy Roman Empire. In conclusion, it is my opinion that people must be destroyed.

Honestly I think you can make a good argument that it's not always people, sometimes it's tiny microbes.

HEY GUNS
Oct 11, 2012

FOPTIMUS PRIME

Teriyaki Hairpiece posted:

Honestly I think you can make a good argument that it's not always people, sometimes it's tiny microbes.
The microbes live in people though. Really makes you think.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


poo poo, it's only 2700 years old, what a rip off :mad:

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016

Teriyaki Hairpiece posted:

Herodotus is like those 40's pulp sci-fi novels.

ANT PEOPLE OF THE MYSTERIOUS EAST!

He was right about gold-carrying ants though iirc.

Dalael
Oct 14, 2014
Hello. Yep, I still think Atlantis is Bolivia, yep, I'm still a giant idiot, yep, I'm still a huge racist. Some things never change!

Grevling posted:

He was right about gold-carrying ants though iirc.

Confirmed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft8UuzIS-ec


They even honor the gods.

Jazerus
May 24, 2011


Here's the thing about Herodotus that went unappreciated for a long time:

Dude never made anything up. Sometimes his sources did, and so nonsense makes it into his writing, but a lot of times that kind of thing is prefaced with "well this one dude who said he'd been to China told me that..." so he's clearly not entirely sold himself.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.
I'll admit I was a little hard on Herodotus.

fantastic in plastic
Jun 15, 2007

The Socialist Workers Party's newspaper proved to be a tough sell to downtown businessmen.
If an ancient author talked about ANT PEOPLE OF THE MYSTERIOUS EAST with a straight face, we'd eat it up.

HEY GUNS
Oct 11, 2012

FOPTIMUS PRIME

Teriyaki Hairpiece posted:

I'll admit I was a little hard on Herodotus.
hard? i thought that was an endorsement

fantastic in plastic
Jun 15, 2007

The Socialist Workers Party's newspaper proved to be a tough sell to downtown businessmen.

Jazerus posted:

Here's the thing about Herodotus that went unappreciated for a long time:

Dude never made anything up. Sometimes his sources did, and so nonsense makes it into his writing, but a lot of times that kind of thing is prefaced with "well this one dude who said he'd been to China told me that..." so he's clearly not entirely sold himself.

It's silly that Herodotus gets the "father of lies" designation while Thucydides, who openly invents speeches he never could have witnessed in order to illustrate moral lessons about how he thinks cities should act, has the reputation of being more truthful.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

HEY GAIL posted:

hard? i thought that was an endorsement

It was both.

Tias
May 25, 2008

Pictured: the patron saint of internet political arguments (probably)

This avatar made possible by a gift from the Religionthread Posters Relief Fund

fantastic in plastic posted:

It's silly that Herodotus gets the "father of lies" designation while Thucydides, who openly invents speeches he never could have witnessed in order to illustrate moral lessons about how he thinks cities should act, has the reputation of being more truthful.

Mantis42
Jul 26, 2010

Rather be called a liar than go through the poo poo Sima Qian had to, tbh.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice

Mantis42 posted:

Rather be called a liar than go through the poo poo Sima Qian had to, tbh.

That was less because of his History than because he publicly defended a general who had defected tp the Xiongnu, though.

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Patter Song
Mar 26, 2010

Hereby it is manifest that during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man.
Fun Shoe

Mantis42 posted:

Rather be called a liar than go through the poo poo Sima Qian had to, tbh.

On the one hand, he gets to be known as "The Grand Historian" for all time.

On the other hand, he's best remembered for getting castrated.

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