/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

post, duh

if there's grass on the barrow, play ball

it's been a month. Also it was $2000, the real issue is the wife melting down which I doubt outing the thief will fix

I'd prolly melt down if my grandmother robbed me for my honeymoon money

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:01

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# ? May 28, 2024 23:49

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

I'm feeling like the ideal outcome here, mental-healthwise, is that the OP "finds" a chewed-up cash box poking out of a nearby raccoon den, your family is fiiiine it was our silly forest friends all along! Grandma, unrelatedly, falls off a bridge with no witnesses around a week later.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:03

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Bubblyblubber posted:

I (26F) think my boyfriend (26M) watches too much game of thrones as he's asked me to not hang out with my twin bro (26M) too much, Reddit what do you think of this situation and what do you think I should do? Relationships

I (26F) think my boyfriend (26M) watches too much game of thrones as he's asked me to not hang out with my twin bro (26M) too much, Reddit what do you think of this situation and what do you think I should do? UPDATE◉ Locked Post ◉

Her writing style is terrible, but dancing with her brother was a hilarious way to break it off with her pathetic, insecure boyfriend. It's too bad the people who most deserve this kind of fuckery are the most likely to snap and get violent.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:12

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

pretty sure I had this neighbor back when she'd call in everyone standing on the sidewalk as a drug dealer

So what were you carrying in the bag?

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:14

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Some new ones, because I think people keep posting the same year+ old stories again and again.

This guy saw this on a soap opera.

I [22M] caught my sister-in-law[26F] making out with my middle brother[24M] and I don't know if I should get involved in this or stay away?

quote:

I am the youngest of three brothers. My oldest brother Mark[27M] has been married for the last 3 years to his wife Adriana and they recently had a baby. I was away for the last 2 months, busy with university and I couldn't see my newborn niece so over the weekend I figured I'd go and visit them.

I wanted to be a surprise so I kept my mouth shut and not many people knew I was coming home maybe except a few friends. I went to visit such a friend who lives nearby of where my brother and his wife live. But when I got there I saw that Adriana's car was parked outside. I found this weird since neither Mark or Adriana were supposed to be at home during that time of the day.

Nevertheless, I figured I'd go and say hello. I make my way to the house, it's unlocked and I let myself in. I approach the living room when I hear the unmistakable sound of two people making out, heavily. I slowly peek my head over the wall and I see Adriana and someone else on the couch, going at it.
That definitely wasn't Mark, he was at work right now. I know of this because I spoke with him earlier that day. I was ready to go in there and make a huge scene but before I could do it, I heard Adriana moan "Oh, Andrew" .... Andrew is my middle brother.

I stood there in shock for a bit, not knowing what to make of this. In order to make sure that it was him, I called him and yep, his phone rang from inside his pocket but he didn't answer.

I exited as fast as I could and ever since then I haven't said a word to anyone about this. I am back at my place and I don't know what to do with this information. I basically have a bomb on my hands and I seriously question if I should detonate it. Is it worth it to tear up my family over this? I can't even begin to imagine what kind of horror show this one will be but I can't stop thinking about Mark and how much this will hurt him. Help me Reddit, what should I do?
tl;dr I caught my sister-in-law making out with my middle brother and I don't know if I should share this information with my oldest brother.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:20

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Time to do some soul-searching and figure out which brother you like better, given that one day the middle one might gently caress your wife.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:24

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

lol if you don't keep itemized receipts in your relationship.

I [26M] am picking up my things from my ex [20F] later today, but I'm paying for them?

quote:

I've removed this person completely from my life over the last several months through therapy and support from friends. When she broke up with me, I let her keep the PS4 "we" purchased because of my delusions.

I say "we" because she paid for hardly any of it. When we got it, I paid for the system, games, an upgraded HDD, and the online access. Hell, I forgot to take my credit card off the account for this last year, so I've paid for two years of PSN.

I had her pay me back in her paying for a few dates. I originally intended to get like $150 back from this, but I cut it short because I was in love and really didn't care about the money. She actually paid back like $30.

When I messaged her about it last week, she at first ignored me, and then when I tried a couple days later, she came off as combative, like she was deliberately trying to start a fight. Not sure how much that should weight into my decision making, but I told her I'd compensate what she paid into it.
And I lied and said it was more than I know it was. I have $100 in my pocket right now for this purpose. I'm not close to wealthy. I'm in a ton of debt and need money for other things, but $100 won't kill me. I think it's the principle of the matter that has me uncertain.

I feel like I'm swallowing my balls by actually paying up to avoid a conflict. This person hurt me a ton, but I suppose I hurt her in the aftermath. I don't like hurting people. I don't know if she bought new games for it. I haven't kept in touch.

TL;DR - Feel somewhat stupid for paying to get my things back. Would you actually pay?

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:25

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

On the grand scheme of things, I reckon a fully decked out PS4 is more on the "getting off easy" side of the severing from horrible people scale.

Another one for the "Math makes me sad" compilation:

Wife spending too much time with new guy friend

quote:

15 points 57 comments submitted 4 years ago by throwaway836579 to r/relationships

I am 27 and my wife is 20. We have been married for a year and a half and have a 15 month old boy. We have had intimacy issues since we first found out she was pregnant. Her sex drive is completely gone. That is a whole other problem.

But the big problem now is she recently started hanging out with her friends again, which I am okay with. She would just go out a couple times a week. Then she started going salsa dancing with one of her girlfriends and met a guy there. She hung out with him a couple times after dancing, till 3 or 4 in the morning.

I had a conversation with her and told her I thought hanging out with a guy that late was inappropriate for someone who was married. She didn�t think it was weird, and that was about all that came from that conversation. Then she went dancing again, hung out with him again till late, and then had him drop her off at another one of her friend�s house because this guy�s friend just died. She slept over there because he was sad about his friend. She never called to tell me anything, I texted her at 7 in the morning asking where she was. When she came home we had a talk, I was kinda pissed because she slept at another guys house and didn�t tell me what was going on. She also said she took a shower there too. She said she was sorry and wouldn�t do it again or would call next time.

Then 2 days later almost the same thing happens. She went dancing, hung out with her dancing friend, but this time she said she went to her girlfriends house and passed out. She texted me the next morning saying she was sorry and she would be home as soon as she can, but I didn�t text back. Then she comes home at around 2 in the afternoon and her dancing guy friend dropped her off. (I know what his car looks like because he picks her up early sometimes and they hang out before dancing also.) When she came home I told her maybe we should spend some time apart because of all the time you�re spending with this new guy.

She has seen him every day for over a week, and continues to be out with him early into the morning. We have talked about it a lot but she doesn�t see the problem. I have told her I feel like I take care of the baby a lot more than she does. And I don�t like being alone every night and going to sleep by myself every night. Right now we�re trying to work out being separated. I told her I can�t keep waiting around every night while she goes spending time with this other guy and not with me. Oh, and this morning while she was in the shower I looked at her phone, she has always deleted all her texts every night before bed, but this morning he texted her �Good morning sweetie �.

I just need an outside perspective on this situation, if I am doing the right thing by separating from her. I told her if she wants to go out with this guy more than she wants to be with me she can but I�m not going to wait around for her because I don�t think it�s fair to me.

Tl;dr Wife has spent every day for over a week with new guy friend. Told her we need to separate.

Edit: paragraph line breaks!

# ? Mar 20, 2017 17:49

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Dont knock up 19 year olds then marry them at 6 months pregnant. I know this seems like a lot to ask, but trust me the effort is worth it.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:06

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Barudak posted:

Dont knock up 19 year olds then marry them at 6 months pregnant. I know this seems like a lot to ask, but trust me the effort is worth it.

Don't be silly.

He knocked up an 18 year old.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:14

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Bubblyblubber posted:

On the grand scheme of things, I reckon a fully decked out PS4 is more on the "getting off easy" side of the severing from horrible people scale.

Another one for the "Math makes me sad" compilation:

Wife spending too much time with new guy friend

At least he separated already instead of posting the usual dumbfuck passive-voice "hay guys is it slightly possible that my wife may be cheating on me a little bit?" :downs:

after she was out loving some guy every night for a week. I guess he's getting what he deserves for knocking up a teenager, though.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:14

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

[23m] bastard curious about father whom mother hates beyond reason

quote:

submitted 3 years ago by mtnfgbdfsvd
A bit of backstory is required, apologies, but it's interesting. My biological father shall be referred to as father while my dad will be dad.

I grew up with a mom and dad, believing it was a family as any other. When I was 19, my mom came home in a fright, and said she saw some psychotic stalker from her past, gave me a gun (which I didn't know we had) and told me to lock the doors and not let anyone in as she drove to the police to renew a restraining order, and to call the police if anyone approached. She came back ~1-2 hours later, and I asked her for the actual story. She resisted for some time, saying that's what it was, but when it because evident that I wasn't giving up and was presenting massive gaping holes in her story, she caved. The psychotic stalker was actually my father. She then told me the following (I add some things to clarify but it is all her "facts").

My father was abusive and controlling and officially diagnosed with some serious mental illness (she didn't specify but seemed to hint at something like schizophrenia or anti-social personality), and when she became pregnant she realized she couldn't be with him any more/he would be a danger to me. She packed up and moved to another state where I was born, and no father listed on the birth certificate. When I was ~6 months she met my dad, and they were living together by the time I was 2.

Now my father somehow found out where she/I was. He moves up, and gets a court to grant him visitation at my moms house, despite a mental disorder, no name on birth certificate, and reports of abuse (no convictions). He uses these visitations to poison the families food. When brought to the judge, the judges solution is to grant him unsupervised visitation outside the home so he doesn't have a chance to poison food. He ends up never making use of this as he has 0 feelings for me and was only using me as a means to attack my mom. He then puts a bomb in my dads truck which narrowly doesn't kill him. This finally warrants a restraining order and he goes back to his home state, and she didn't see him again until that night.

So, now I'm 23, I've finished school and settling into my career, and I'm curious about my father, even if everything she has said is true I would like an email conversation with him at least if possible. However all I know is I have his eyes and hair (my dad told me, and quickly shut up when my mom scolded him) and I assume he is fairly tall since I'm 6'1" and my mom is <5'. I don't even have a name. That means I have to ask my mom, and I don't know how to in a way where she won't refuse/give me false information. I would also note she has no issue keeping/lying about important issues. Aside from this she has also lied about my dog dying, major changes in grandparents health, my grandmothers death, my uncles divorce, and huntington's is in the family. I'm 99% sure my mom was behind these, as my dad is generally quite open and honest, but also rather timid and will back down quite easily to her.

TLDR: Mom loves to lie and hates my father. How can I get information about him?

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:16

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

How is the sperm donor not in prison for attempted murder?

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:26

Warbadger: Jun 17, 2006

zakharov posted:

How is the sperm donor not in prison for attempted murder?

Same way he kept getting visitation rights. Because it's probably poo poo that didn't happen.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:27

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Maybe the "bomb" was like, fireworks

He was mentally ill after all, he probably goofed it

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:28

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

lotta places got reeeeal hick-rear end police departments

the 'poison food=unsupervised visitation' thing sounds like it's just BS from crazy mom tho

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:32

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

The last couple of paragraphs indicate he might not be the crazy parent. Or at least not the only one.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:33

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I am pro commando-style grandma raid.

I'm loving with you there. I'd be staking out her house and when she leaves turn the whole place over. If it's not there then the next target is her unattended purse.

I mean, gently caress she's an only lady. I'm not about to get scammed out of 2 grand by a loving old lady

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:34

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Zzulu posted:

Maybe the "bomb" was like, fireworks

He was mentally ill after all, he probably goofed it

haha holy poo poo scroll down to the OP's comments

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:39

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

quote:

generousheart 37 points 3 years ago
Did he plant a bomb, or didn't he?
He sounds like a dangerous guy, maybe you should keep your distance.
permalinkembed

quote:
[�]mtnfgbdfsvd[S] 12 points 3 years ago
He did. He said he intentionally placed it in such a way that the engine would bear the brunt of the impact and no one would be harmed (which is true, though it could have been chance rather than specific intent as he claims).
He offered a pork chop recipe, I may as well decide to meet or not based on how good that turns out.

Hey-loving-YO! :captainpop:

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:43

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

What the gently caress

"He only carbombed my family a little guys, come on"

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:43

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

yeah but like, mom hosed with his car first. You don't gently caress with a man's car

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:46

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

why the gently caress is this guy even curious about his murderously insane dad

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:46

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Ah yes this seems like a good guy to trust and who definitely shouldn't be in jail

Mom's no peach either but still

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:46

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Sounds like he hates his pathological liar mom so much that he is giving his biological father way, way too much of the benefit of the doubt.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:47

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

You gotta admit though, murder hobo dad probably has some seriously kickass stories to tell.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:49

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

A tasty recipe:

Marinite 2 lbs. pork chops overnight in olive oil, crushed garlic, mustard seed and lemon juice

Place pork chops on hood of your ex-wife's station wagon

Detonate carbomb

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:50

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

haha holy poo poo scroll down to the OP's comments

We've got a car bomb defender in those comments

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:54

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Clark Nova posted:

A tasty recipe:

Marinite 2 lbs. pork chops overnight in olive oil, crushed garlic, mustard seed and lemon juice

Place pork chops on hood of your ex-wife's station wagon

Detonate carbomb

I too enjoyed the chickencheese thread.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:55

Barudak: May 7, 2007

YeahTubaMike posted:

why the gently caress is this guy even curious about his murderously insane dad

Im just lobbing it out here but given this guy's lineage he may not be very far from exposing his own murder plots against himself.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 18:56

Sir DonkeyPunch: Mar 23, 2007; I didn't hear no bell

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

haha holy poo poo scroll down to the OP's comments

he's going to get his mom murdered

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:11

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Sir DonkeyPunch posted:

he's going to get his mom murdered

Well, yeah, but at least he got a pork chop recipe out of the deal.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:16

Sir DonkeyPunch: Mar 23, 2007; I didn't hear no bell

Straight White Shark posted:

Well, yeah, but at least he got a pork chop recipe out of the deal.

she shouldn't have hosed with him first!

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:18

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Night terrors are awful, I get them if I'm extremely stressed. I wind up hallucinating and think I see spiders which is unsettling enough but Christ if I thought I saw a ghost I'd want to call a priest too.

My night terrors finally went away for a few reasons. CPAP machine for sleep apnea, finally discovering that night terrors were a thing and that other people had them etc., getting sober, going to therapy regularly and learning how to not hate myself.

I've had the purely auditory ones, or the ones with abstract light and color poo poo, as well as the "totally awake, paralyzed, being menaced by an utterly evil presence," ones.

After I learned about night terrors, I had one a few days later, where I was paralyzed while the Grim Reaper stood over me in my room. At some point, I realized what was going on and I mostly became an observer of an intensely uncomfortable experience. I still felt and saw the absolute evil presence of the being over me, but I wasn't afraid any longer.

When I snapped out of the terror, I exclaimed to my empty room, "gently caress yeah, that was metal as gently caress!" I was seriously super stoked to have understood and observed the experience while it happened, even if it was intensely uncomfortable. After that, the terrors started shifting to mostly auditory and or abstract visual, still with the accompanying extreme negative emotional presence. Those I didn't really become self-aware during. Eventually, they faded as therapy, meds and stable life leveled me the gently caress out.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:22

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Sir DonkeyPunch posted:

she shouldn't have hosed with him first!

Sometimes things just work out for the best. If his mom hadn't antagonized his biodad by fleeing the state, he never would have figured out how to cook pork chops.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:27

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Pvt.Scott posted:

I've had the purely auditory ones, or the ones with abstract light and color poo poo, as well as the "totally awake, paralyzed, being menaced by an utterly evil presence," ones.

Never heard this described as night terrors, always sleep paralysis, are they interchangeable in this instance? I've had sleep paralysis off/on my whole life, only happens once or twice a year now, but when I was doing drugs heavily and had an awful sleep regiment it would happen constantly.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:29

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Danaru posted:

I [25F] heard a little girl/boy screaming, saw a guy carry a heavy garbage bag into his house, and called the cops, who did nothing.

Post and all the OP's responses were removed, but her responses still show up in her post history

And the top comment:

Boy I wonder why people were asking if she was right minded at the time Not only can she not keep her story of what she saw straight, she can't even keep what she and the police did afterwards straight

There are a lot of forest animals that can sound pretty similar to children/women being brutally murdered. A few months back I heard a few blood curdling screams while I was in my back yard at 1 AM.

There's bank call center right out my back gate and when I went to investigate there were already employees, who had been in the parking lot smoking, looking around and someone had called the cops. I went to where the screams came from, which was just two houses down and on the parking lot side of the fence and then searched in a big area around there. There's grass, bushes and trees (all well maintained) and a walking path and plenty of light and I didn't see signs of anything, not even disturbed grass.

Cops didn't find anything, no appropriate missing persons or lady murders over the next few weeks. Woods aren't too far away and there's tons of rabbits/hares/whatever all over the place.
https://youtu.be/-y8WxBlhMDw

E: heard a truck tire explode just now, which sound kinda like a cannon firing. :psyduck:

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Foxes do a pitch-perfect slasher movie axe murder scream when they get horny, if you don't know what it is it's super fuckin unnerving there's just this woman shrieking out in the woods all night

Grey foxes in the area. So that's a solid candidate, too.

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Mar 20, 2017

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:48

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Foxes do a pitch-perfect slasher movie axe murder scream when they get horny, if you don't know what it is it's super fuckin unnerving there's just this woman shrieking out in the woods all night

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:53

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

MF_James posted:

Never heard this described as night terrors, always sleep paralysis, are they interchangeable in this instance? I've had sleep paralysis off/on my whole life, only happens once or twice a year now, but when I was doing drugs heavily and had an awful sleep regiment it would happen constantly.

I dunno, they're pretty much the same poo poo with a different manifestation. It's all unpleasant. A night terror/hag could be argued to only be the one specific thing: paralyzed, think you're awake some dark figure, monster or other presence, sometimes compressing your chest (the oldschool black cat on your chest was a thing because they were commonly seen as witches' familiar spirits) sometimes voices yelling or whispering bad poo poo, whatever.

But sure. I had a whole heap o' sleep paralysis experiences.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:54

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# ? May 28, 2024 23:49

Ensign Expendable: Nov 11, 2008; Lager beer is proof that god loves us; Pillbug

When I moved to downtown Toronto I heard awful Zerg-like shrieking every night, turns out that's what raccoons sound like.

# ? Mar 20, 2017 19:54

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