quote:

Me (35/F) and my fiancé (38/M) played this party game with friends where you had to make a top 5 of things. At the question who in the group of female friends are the best looking. He put me at no. 3. Is it stupid to be upset about this?Relationships
submitted 44 minutes ago * by deSaar

Last weekend me and my fiancé were at my friends house and playing this party game called 'cliche'. The idea is that every round someone picks a question from a card with 6 questions on it. And you have to answer it with a top 5. Questions range from what do ladies like bigger to what annoys a man most on a first date.

One of my friends picked the question: who of your female friends in your friend group do you find most attractive? My boyfriend put two of my closest friends at no 1 and 2 and me on 3. Now I know that man can be attracted to other female. But the fact that he just put it there in front of my friends (not the two he put above me, but everyone there knows them) felt a bit wrong.

I don't know why I am upset. Or if I even should be upset. We are together for almost 10 years and our relationship is the best it's ever been. I know he loves me. And I don't think I am jealous. It's more that I would have liked to not have known or something. It's really confusing and I'm really interested in what other people think about it.

\bolded\ TL;DR boyfriend and I played party game. Turns out boyfriend finds two of my best friends more attractive than me. I feel a bit upset about that. But I am not sure if that's reasonable.

quote:

I'm (22f) letting my good friend (22m) of 7 years temporarily stay at my apartment. He's getting jealous and possessive over me sleeping with someone.Non-Romantic
submitted 10 hours ago by madwallrus

So for some back story, a couple years ago when I was in the beginning of a long term relationship my friend, Steve, confessed that he had a huge crush on me. He knew I was in a relationship and I just told him I would ever only see him as a friend. We broke up a year later. About 6 months ago he did the same thing as soon as I started dating someone else.

I know it's foolish of me for letting him stay here knowing that he has liked me in the past but I honestly thought I was pretty blunt that it would never happen. I thought he was over it and we would just have a good time hanging out.

Well, last week when I was at work I was hanging out at our friend Kyle's house watching movies. When Steve got off work he called and I said where I was. I could immediately hear he became upset and when I got home he was clearly still upset and wouldn't really talk to me. The next day he texted me asking if I liked Kyle, I just told him I didn't know him too well but that I can like who I want. Later that night we were at a bar for Saint Patties and were planning on going home to eat soon. Well, he left with his friend so I ended up going home with Kyle. This made Steve very upset and he got very drunk the next night and started crying to me that no girls like him, he can't get a girlfriend, etc.

Yesterday while he was at work he texted me "we should talk" and proceeded to tell me that it hurt his feelings that I went home with Kyle the other night. By this time I'm feeling angry and upset that he has the nerve to be upset after I have told him twice in the past two years that we are only friends and I've been letting him stay at my place, smoke my cigarettes and weed, and feed him for the past week. I didn't expect any of this. So I replied:
"Ok I just need to tell you that what I do in my personal life is my business. I have casual sex, that's what I do. If it wasn't Kyle it would have been someone else some other time. I'm going to live my life how I live it whether you are staying at my place or not. I don't mind you staying with me but I honestly wasn't expecting any of this. I believe I haven't done anything wrong. If you can't handle it you can find another place to stay"

And because I was really upset:

"Honestly I find it strange that you feel you have the right to be upset about MY personal love/sex life. We have no history together and I am not your possession"

His reply was "is it ok if I stay at your house tonight?" I probably shouldn't have but I let him. I didn't come home till after midnight and he was gone when I got up so I haven't seen him but his stuff is there.

I'm just really upset and feeling kind of used. Also I'm taking 18 credits and work part time so I'm stressed enough as it is. I think he just built up some fantasy idea of what staying with me would be like.

I also don't want this to affect anything with Kyle but it may have already cause now he thinks I have a crazy ex when Steve and I have no history together whatsoever.

Also, this isn't the first time he's done this. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable in my own home! I feel he has no right to be upset by who I have sex with.

Should I end our friendship? I'm definitely not letting him stay with me anymore. We have a lot of mutual friends so it would be hard to end. I don't really know what to do or what to think of this.

TLDR; I let my good friend stay with me for the past week for free. I've been feeding him and sharing cigarettes, basically supporting him till he gets his first paycheck. He is making me very uncomfortable because he is jealous that I had sex with someone else and acting kind of possessive.

Pick posted:

But if that's so, I still have to figure out how to navigate a friendship and working relationship with her. Does anyone have a better guess or course of action?

Haifisch posted:

Don't poo poo where you eat. Is this really that hard?

Elsa posted:

beato posted:

Apparently, this all happened within an hour the girl's battery dies so she couldn't reply, needless to say her boyfriend became her ex the moment she recharged her phone and discovered this rant.

Pick posted:

Incoherence posted:

Please tell me this person is a teenager.

Das Boo posted:

I hope she replied with "lol."

Tom Gorman posted:

elsa, you're good

Pick posted:

signs

Elsa posted:

Thanks!

Full disclosure, most of the drawings are composited google images and then traced in a way to make them look like they belong in the same scene. Actress for these images was Alexandra Daddario. I could do something in my own hand but it would take a lot longer and it's not supposed to be that kind of thing.

This is a lot of fun and gives me something to look forward to

Pick posted:

wow

Pick posted:

quote:

Why does my [24F] boyfriend [29M] of 2 years talk to me the way he does?Relationships
submitted 12 hours ago by throw_it_away7734

To make a long story short, my boyfriend will often make little off-handed comments that are condescending and rude. This really irritates me and he knows it, yet he will still make these comments and pass them off as jokes. Sometimes, I'll make a jab back at him, in which he responds "you're so mean to me" or "you're such an rear end in a top hat" to make me feel guilty, when he literally just finished saying something worse.. At first, I started telling him that the little comments he would make really hurt my feelings and he would just say he was only kidding, but continued to do it, so I started coming back at him sometimes or simply rolling my eyes and brushing it off.

As well, he recently started complaining that when his friends poke fun at him on social media I will join in and make him look like an idiot. I had NO idea what he was even talking about and asked him to explain to me what he meant by that and give me an example of when I did such a thing, and all he could say was "no specific examples" and "you know what I'm talking about".. Meanwhile, he is famous for posting memes/statuses humiliating me all over his Facebook just for his own laughs.

Not to mention, sometimes when he tells me he loves me and I respond with "I love you too" he'll respond with "no you don't", which makes me feel absolutely terrible. He only recently started acting this way and it really confuses me and makes me wonder if I'm really the piece of poo poo he makes me out to be or if he is just trying to push me away by acting like this?

tl;dr: Boyfriend gets overly angry when I "dish back" his rude comments and remarks, accuses me of mocking him on social media, and says I don't love him for absolutely no reason

Pick posted:

gark

Pvt.Scott posted:

I dunno, they're pretty much the same poo poo with a different manifestation. It's all unpleasant. A night terror/hag could be argued to only be the one specific thing: paralyzed, think you're awake some dark figure, monster or other presence, sometimes compressing your chest (the oldschool black cat on your chest was a thing because they were commonly seen as witches' familiar spirits) sometimes voices yelling or whispering bad poo poo, whatever.

But sure. I had a whole heap o' sleep paralysis experiences.

quote:

Wanted to preface this by saying I understand my silly drama with my friend means gently caress all compared with the tragedy of that day. Also extreme wall of text. I apologise but I remember this trip so clearly.

We were in Paris on a university photography trip. We arrived on the Wednesday before the attack and her behaviour from the get go was just appalling. She got in a mood when I said I couldn't afford to go to Disney Land Paris instead of going to the gallery we had planned. She threatened one of the uni students for giving her a dirty look but she had caused it by shouting at her to come back when she didn't need to. She then got into an argument with this girl later that day. She dominated everything and everyone. I was starting to feel really uncomfortable around her. I do not like confrontation and I have a huge problem with anxiety (so much so i'm on medication and i'm seeing a counsellor all of which she knew).

The night of the attacks we all went for a group meal. This was in the 10th arrondisement a few minutes from one of the restaurants that was attacked. Again her behaviour was appalling. A bigger group than ours asked to swap tables so they could all sit together. Leaving us a smaller table enough for the 3 of us but this wasn't ok with her. Again she makes a scene and shouts at these poor girls once again threatening to 'smack' one of them. Our tutor intervenes and distracts her.

I never realised she was like this. My anxiety levels were through the roof. Most of us leave the restaurant and we walk back to our hostel. On the walk back sirens are blaring EVERYWHERE. The 10th arrondisement at night is not a nice place to be but I walk a few steps behind her. We get back to the hostel and suddenly panicked calls from relatives start coming through. Are you safe? Have you heard?

We hear about the attacks, the ongoing hostage situation. I amongst many others are terrified. Some of these girls are barely 19 away from home and their families. How does my friend react? By mocking them! Laughing and joking about it. She says she flew to Florida a couple of months after 9/11 so she isn't 'bothered by some random shootings at a football stadium' (incorrect facts but she wasn't interested). She makes a joke that because her mum hasn't called her to check she is ok her mum probably thinks she is the mastermind behind the attacks and is just leaving her to it. People gasped at this.

At this point i'm terrified. I have no one to talk to because the other girls all hate our little group and she is still mocking the people who are upset. We take a group register and our tutor tries to reassure us that because we are in our hostel we are no doubt safe. This seems to make people worse and people begin to cry. My friend asks me if I want to go out and photograph the dead bodies. She says this loud enough for everyone to hear. I am mortified. She then says this is just an inconvenience like 'when a selfish bastard jumps in front of a train so all our trains home from uni are delayed'- she's laughing. I say that none of this is funny and she is making it worse. She continues to laugh and joke with our other friend which causes the other girls in the group to lash out at them. We go back to our room but i'm so angry I leave them and head to the hostel bar with the other girls. I apologise to the other girls on the trip for her behaviour and explain I need someone to talk to and they seem shocked as they thought I thought it was all funny as well. They take me under their wing.

When I get back to the room my friends are both snoring, sound asleep. I cannot get to sleep. My boyfriend is worried about me and keeps messaging me. I hear a girl on the phone promising to call her mum every hour. Sirens are still blaring. People are still scared. I must have fallen asleep about half past 2. I forgot to mention there are 7 of us in our room. A younger girl on the trip wakes up at 5am SCREAMING. I run to her and she is yelling that a man with a gun and grenades is stood on the street near our hostel. It takes me a while to wake up properly and realise she is having a night terror. Thank god we are still safe. I reassure her and sit with her while she goes back to sleep. I don't sleep for the rest of the night trying my hardest not to go into full blown panic mode.

9am and we meet with our tutor who has decided to venture out (despite being warned to stay put) to the Eurostar to try to change our tickets so we can all go home that day. My 2 friends kick up a fuss. They don't want to go home they want to go to the Christmas market. He asks the group and we all agree we are desperate to go home.

Roll on lunch time. At this stage I think i'm in shock. I haven't spoken to anyone. I've barely slept and I haven't eaten. I find out they've been out of the hostel to look for some food. They've stopped talking to me.

2pm and we get the news we're going home. Our train is at 4. When we walk to the train station I am utterly terrified. Military with massive guns everywhere.

When we're finally on the Eurostar I begin to calm down. I sit in a different carriage to my friends. When we get to London I notice the armed police and i'm anxious again. 5 hour coach ride home I don't speak to anyone. My phone won't let me call out.

It's been a few weeks since the attacks. I spent the first week terrified to go out. Now I know I reacted very badly due to my anxiety but I feel as though a real friend would've seen my reaction and tried to comfort me. She has not been in touch. The reason i'm posting here is I wanted to know whether you'd still be friends with this person. Many of my friends have said the way she reacted was just her way of dealing with it. She made a joke out of it so to downplay it so she didn't feel as scared. They've recommended just getting on with I and talk to her. It would be easier to just get over it and carry on as normal I suppose. I missed 2 weeks of uni whilst I tried to come to terms with what happened. I know nothing bad happened to me but due to my anxiety it took a lot of courage to even go to Paris and then this horrible thing happened there. Maybe I should have posted this to off my chest. Many thanks if you read it all.

tl;dr: I was in Paris on a class trip during the terrorist attacks and my friend acted like an arsehole. Do I forgive and forget or go with my gut and stay away from her?

Avenging_Mikon posted:

"Love you too"
"No you don't."
"Okay, fine, I'm leaving you."

Elsa posted:

quote:

The title basically says it. Our walls are thin, and I'm not interested at all in my roommates bowel movements, but we've lived together for about 8 months now and I can't help but notice that whenever she is in the bathroom for a long time, silence for a while, she flushes, and then just opens the door and leaves. It's gotten to the point that I can't help but wonder.

If she really doesn't wash her hands after taking a poo poo, a) that's gross, and b) she knows I take immune suppressant medication and I'm more susceptible to illnesses. There is no pee sound before she sits for awhile, so its not like she pees and then sits on the toilet deep in thought. She also doesn't like me very much, and I don't like her either; we approach roommate problems in very different ways. I don't like that she doesn't take responsibility and communicate, and she thinks my "tone" is disrespectful. ok. lol so imagine me asking her; hey, do you wash your hands after you poo poo?

tl;dr: High probability my roommate does not wash her hands after a number 2. How in the world do I approach her and ask if this is true?

quote:

That's definitely not something you ask a roommate and expect her to take in stride. Her personal hygiene isn't your business unless it directly negatively affects you. And I hate to be the one to tell you but in my experience very few people wash their hands after using the restroom. Don't shake her hand if it bothers you that much. Aside from that there's nothing you can do.

Streak posted:

they're just going to get dirty again anyway

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Why wouldn't you wash your goddam hands. Seriously it is a fraction of a fraction of time spent

pidan posted:

Washing your hands every now and t then is a good idea anyway, so why not do it after you pee?

quote:

My husband and i have been married for 3 years, we dated for 2 years prior to that. I am orignally from NY. That is where we met when he lived there. When we got married, we moved to Oregon to settle our life in the hometown where he grew up.

Normally, i consider myself a very logical person. Falling in love was hard for me because i need logic behind almost everything that i do. My husband is similar.

Tonight we got into the discussion of love in general. I said that love is hard to start without some sort of "logical" reason, like they are a good fit emotionally or mentally.

Then he procedded to tell me that isnt true because he had no logical reason for loving me. I asked him to elaborate and he said that logically, i bring nothing to our marriage and that i have nothing to give him. He thinks that was what attracted him about me.

At this point, i was pretty quiet and hurt. He continued and said that if i died tomorrow, he would he fine. Sad but ultimatley could live his life. Me, on the other hand, depend on him so completely, that i would commit suicide or become destitute and depressed. (I have never attempted suicide, i take anti depressants but i am stable).

I told him that i had to assumilate his life when i moved, and he said that he would still think the same way if we were living in NY together.

He seemed very unapolegetic and i dont know how to tell him how much he hurt me. Im scared he doesnt care. How do i approach this? Am i right to be hurt?

TL;DR my husband told me im useless and that i bring nothing to our marriage

quote:

First off, my friendship with “Bob" is completely platonic. We have been best friends for years now and neither of us have ever considered being anything more than that. I have always been really close friends with all of his girlfriends, and he has always been friends with whoever I have dated. I have not dated anyone in about three years at this point. When Bob first started dating his last girlfriend she began to get a little paranoid that there was more going on between us, so in order to prove to her that nothing was going on he started treating me more like a kid brother. He would tease me and pick on me like any older brother would do. Eventually, she was comfortable with our friendship.

However, his “pranks” have not stopped with her comfort. (They have broken up at this point). His “joking around” has gotten to the point of him physically hurting me, and no matter what I say he just plays it off.

The two main things that he does on a constant basis is grab my fingers and bend them backwards and shove his hands in my face. When he bends my fingers backwards I literally scream because in hurts so much and he thinks its hilarious. One night when we were drinking, he bent my fingers back for so long I was on the verge of tears and I thought he had actually broken my fingers.He also constantly shoves his hands in my face, which mostly results in him actually slapping my face or hitting my nose. He always does this randomly because he thinks it is funny. It has made me very nervous to even sit beside him because I am afraid at any moment he’s going to slap me in the face. He always laughs these off, and he’s never doing these things maliciously, he just genuinely thinks he is just teasing me.

The most recent time, and the biggest eye opener for me was this New Years. I had too much to drink and I told him I was sick and I wanted to leave, (He was my ride) He reared back and punched me in the stomach and started laughing because he thought I was going to throw up. When we were leaving, I was walking in front of him and he came up behind me and held my arms and squeezed my ribs and stomach because he thought it would be hilarious if I threw up on myself. My ribs were hurting for two days after this.

I let this go, and I was laughing about it the next day and I realized my friend I was telling was not amused and very concerned. The more I tried to defend my friends behavior, the crazier it looked. I do not think my friend is a bad person, I just think he does not realize the extent of how much he physically hurts me. I have noticed he does not do this to any other girl friend of his. I seem to be his little punching bag in a sense.

I have tried telling him I do not think any of that is funny, and that it hurts and he always says “That doesn’t hurt!” I do not know what to do at this point, because he is a very good friend to me besides this, and I just want to hang out with him without him "joking around" and hurting me.

Sorry for any mistakes, I'm a first time poster!

TL:DR: Guy friend started picking on me to make his girlfriend less insecure about our friendship; ended up borderline physically abusing me for years. I value our friendship and want him to stop.

quote:

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2rdqtn/how_do_i_22f_tell_my_best_friend_22m_that_his/

Last TL:DR Guy friend started picking on me to make his girlfriend less insecure about our friendship; ended up borderline physically abusing me for years. I value our friendship and want him to stop.

This is a much needed update. It has been about a year, but a lot has happened. First I want to mention that I wish I had taken Reddit’s advice when it was offered to me. I originally decided to keep him in my life and just be direct with him. I told him to stop touching me in any form, that I did not think it was funny, and that it hurt. I told him he was acting abusive. He seemed very upset that I saw it that way, and said he would stop. This was in February. For a little bit of time things were fine between us. We could hang out and he wouldn’t do it any of those things. However, that quickly changed.

“Bob” Started dating this girl. She is admittedly very very pretty, but she does not have much going for her outside of her looks. He started dating her when she was about nine months pregnant with someone else’s child. I tried to talk him out of this relationship because he never said anything positive about things they had in common, her personality,etc. all he ever talked about was how “hot” she was. It wasn’t really my business and who he dates doesn’t directly affect me, so I just accepted it and moved on.

About mid summer I had a friend and her husband that were moving to a far away state. Bob and I decided that we would help them move and drive back together. This trip caused me to cut Bob out of my life all together. Me and my friend, “Kelly” were driving together and her husband and Bob were driving a separate Uhaul. Me and Kelly were making better time than them, so we got to the city earlier. The two guys were going to pull into a hotel to stay the night. Kelly and I got super lost in the city for about an hour. We were trying to use my phone GPS and Bob kept calling and texting me. He called me literally close to 30 times. I was answering some of them and saying “Stop calling we are using my GPS” he thought it was hilarious that we weren’t able to use my GPS with him calling. I texted him and asked him the name of the hotel to put in, and I looked it up there were four in that city. I texted him “Is _____ the hotel you are at” He replied yes. Turns out, he gave us a fake hotel name and we were AN HOUR away from where they actually were. After a lot of stress we finally made it there. I decided I was buying my own hotel room for me and Kelly because there was absolutely no way I was going to share a bed with Bob after that. Husband and Bob were PISSED at us. Bob started begging me to stay in the room with them and that he was sorry, that it was his fault, etc. Kelly and I stayed in our own hotel room that night.

The next day the tension was extremely high. We unloaded the truck and Bob was trying to act like absolutely nothing happened. He kept making jokes about how I looked like a “dyke” unloading furniture and he would walk up and punch me in the stomach or try to make me drop furniture. Very immature. Kelly and her husband ended up not liking the area they were moving to (They didn’t get to see the place before they moved) So Bob and I decided to go to the city to let them have some alone time and talk.

I had an extremely sore throat that whole day, not a big deal, I just didn’t feel very good. The whole time Bob and I were walking around the city he was being very rude to me. There were some points in there where it was an enjoyable experience (Mainly because I really liked seeing parts of the city, not being around Bob) When we left the city is when things went down hill really fast. Bob was making nasty comments about how “He knows what would help my sore throat” very gross and forward sexual comments. I immediately shut down and was like “That is disgusting, do not talk to me like that.” I don’t really know what happened next after that or what escalated this but he basically got outrageously angry with me to the point where it escalated to physical violence. He was spitting and blowing snot into his hand and slapping it onto my face and neck, calling me a “oval office” a “bitch” said he was going to slit my throat and beat me until I bled. He was driving insanely fast, and swerving the car to freak me out, etc. We pulled over at a fast food restaurant and he got out of the car and was yelling at me so aggressively that people were starting to come outside and watch. I sat in the car and waited. I immediately texted a guy friend and told him what Bob was doing. Bob got back in the car and was seriously trying to act like nothing happened. Like he didn’t just completely snap on me. I calmly told him “If you ever touch me or hurt me again you will loving regret it for the rest of your life.”

He told Kelly’s husband that he snapped like this because I had gum in my mouth and I know how much gum grosses him out. (He just said that he called me a bitch, he left most of what actually happened) I’m serious. He thought that me chewing gum justified this behavior. I had put it in my mouth because my throat hurt. Kelly and her husband ended up going back to our home town, so I rode back home with Kelly. I was stressing out about having to possibly ride back for 15 hours with Bob. After I got home I cut all contact from him. He still does not understand why he is cut out now. He recently sent me a text message that apologized about him being an “rear end in a top hat” in Texas, and that he didn’t talk to anyone like that, etc. He seriously down plays what he said and did to this day. I have no intentions of ever allowing him back into my life. People think i’m being dramatic about not talking to him because of his version of the story. He is going to have a baby with his girlfriend in a couple of months and blames the stress of the pregnancy on him treating me like that. Nope. I don’t care. He’s cut out and I wish I had listened to Reddit a year ago!

TL:DR Told my friend he was acting abusive, gave him one more chance, he threatened to slit my throat over me chewing gum in the car. He’s cut out of my life.