/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Ouhei posted:

The solution here is for them to go buy that baby feet stuff online. You want to peel some skin? WELL HERE'S YOUR WHOLE FOOT.

I'm scared

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:23

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 23:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I want to know this guys sleep seduction technique because it sounds incredible.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:25

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Splicer posted:

I'm scared

Do you think it's possible to make a face-skin mask using that foot acid stuff, haha just curious haha asking for a friend haha

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:29

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Barudak posted:

I want to know this guys sleep seduction technique because it sounds incredible.

I actually do the same thing, often starts with massaging fiancee's back into a fair bit of foreplay and then sex. In the last year it's probably happened a dozen or so times, 8-10 times I straight up do not remember, the other times I wake-up in the middle of it and just roll with it.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:31

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Bubblyblubber posted:

I (17M) have to choose between two of my close friends (17F and 18F)[new]

Of loving course there's anime involved.

hahaha

he breaks up with his girlfriend and now his friend circle are tearing themselves apart trying to get into his pants while he's vulnerable

it's so novel to see the genders reversed in this story for once

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:32

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Barudak posted:

I want to know this guys sleep seduction technique because it sounds incredible.

Who knows, man, who knows?

http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=02042003

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:33

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

MF_James posted:

I actually do the same thing, often starts with massaging fiancee's back into a fair bit of foreplay and then sex. In the last year it's probably happened a dozen or so times, 8-10 times I straight up do not remember, the other times I wake-up in the middle of it and just roll with it.

So you're that one woman from House?

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:41

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Ouhei posted:

Why the gently caress would you read that to your current/new SO? Even if John is a writer by trade that's just not something you should read to a spouse.

For real lol what a loving idiot

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:51

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Nazzadan posted:

The short of this issue is: I had a bad stool, mentioned it offhandedly to my mother, and then she called the doctor to book me an appointment without my consent and without even checking with me to see if it worked with my schedule.

The tests done were very invasive for me - blood work, stool samples, urine samples.

I don't get this story. You're 25. You have no obligation to actually go to the appointment and do things you don't want to do.

quote:

She's started taking away my privileges and freedoms

??????????????

Like is this a caregiver situation or something I don't understand.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:53

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

It figures that Susie would be into watersports.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 19:58

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Splicer posted:

I'm scared

Look it up on youtube, it's kinda gross but it's crazy what it does to your feet. I feel like that can't be safe.

Moridin920 posted:

For real lol what a loving idiot

Assuming he didn't do it explicitly to gently caress with her (as other people have suggested), there's literally no viable reason or positive outcome for it. No one wants to hear about the one that got away and how amazing they were, that's a massive red flag and I'd consider bailing right then and there.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 20:12

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Baby Feet is cool if you don't walk anywhere for like a week after you peel that poo poo. Wait, I meant gross and a bad idea.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 20:14

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Elsa posted:

Holy poo poo.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 20:39

Theotus: Nov 8, 2014

I am so glad I skipped the last 50 pages. Totally stuck the landing.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:05

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Me [52 M] with my Girlfriend [24 F] of 10 Months, Seem to be fluttering, and she seems to be pulling away. How do I stop it?

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:13

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Me [52 M] with my Girlfriend [24 F] of 10 Months, Seem to be fluttering, and she seems to be pulling away. How do I stop it?

Aww he deleted it and reposted with it saying 25M, guessing typo.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:23

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

WampaLord posted:

I also remember a post where the dude beat the poo poo out of the robber and his wife got upset because she was now afraid of his anger, despite him never doing anything angry before or after.

lol it reminds me of the opposite post where OP pretended to be a burglar, his brother got scared and kicked OP into a wall or something, and then the family celebrated how heroic the brother was and ignored OP aside from taking him to the hospital. If I remember correctly, the poster didn't understand why his brother wasn't punished.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:38

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Elsa posted:

This one was great. It reminded me tho, wasn't their a post a while back by a wife who wanted to get into roleplaying with her husband and when he went along with it he super hammed up his role and trolled the gently caress out of her. Like all she wanted was a sexy cop to handcuff and gently caress her but he showed up as a detective and interviewed her or something.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:44

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

ArbitraryC posted:

This one was great. It reminded me tho, wasn't their a post a while back by a wife who wanted to get into roleplaying with her husband and when he went along with it he super hammed up his role and trolled the gently caress out of her. Like all she wanted was a sexy cop to handcuff and gently caress her but he showed up as a detective and interviewed her or something.

if there was I missed it and now I really wanna see that one

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:45

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

lol it reminds me of the opposite post where OP pretended to be a burglar, his brother got scared and kicked OP into a wall or something, and then the family celebrated how heroic the brother was and ignored OP aside from taking him to the hospital. If I remember correctly, the poster didn't understand why his brother wasn't punished.

iirc he wasn't pretending to be a burgler he was just coming home late from a party or his gf's or something and tried to sneak in, his brother beat the poo poo out of him, and then the family dumped him off at the hospital before going out to treat the heroic brother to dinner or something. It did in general come across ice cold on his parent's part.
e: and I think they mighta been step brothers too which made it worse

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:46

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Me [52 M] with my Girlfriend [24 F] of 10 Months, Seem to be fluttering, and she seems to be pulling away. How do I stop it?

Is he dating a butterfly?

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:47

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

ArbitraryC posted:

This one was great. It reminded me tho, wasn't their a post a while back by a wife who wanted to get into roleplaying with her husband and when he went along with it he super hammed up his role and trolled the gently caress out of her. Like all she wanted was a sexy cop to handcuff and gently caress her but he showed up as a detective and interviewed her or something.

I imagined their roleplay-to-sex ratio as something like 9:1 in his favor, like he forgets it's sex time and just starts playing. But I decided it was too much work to convey.

Marching side by side as pilots and her wondering how long he wanted to keep it up. WE CAN'T STOP NOW THE KAIJU IS STILL ALIVE!

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:47

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Maybe she's managing to somehow get the restraints undone

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:47

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

ArbitraryC posted:

This one was great. It reminded me tho, wasn't their a post a while back by a wife who wanted to get into roleplaying with her husband and when he went along with it he super hammed up his role and trolled the gently caress out of her. Like all she wanted was a sexy cop to handcuff and gently caress her but he showed up as a detective and interviewed her or something.

It's the first one I posted in this iteration of the thread, hit the ?. It might still be my favorite.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:49

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: my hero

So we've been with eachother for 6 years. Our sex life is just as good as when it started, I just wanted to try out some kinkier stuff so I suggested roleplaying. Kevin (husband) was somewhat open to the idea, but also thought it was a bit ridiculous. This is something I've always wanted to try, sort of like a fetish. So we got a few costumes, a Cop outfit and a Spy trenchcoat for him, and a nurse and cheerleader outfit for me. All of our roleplaying revolves around one person being in character, and the other interacting with them.

But he takes his roles as a joke! He goes intentionally extreme with the roles. I know he thinks it's a bit ridiculous, and I know he has more fun when he does this, but I want a real roleplay!

For example, when he dressed up as the Cop, he was supposed to do a stop and frisk, arrest me, etc, but in a sexy way. But instead, he kicks open the door, screams "HANDS UP THIS IS A RAID" and basically tackles me to the bed (this is OKAY it's NOT ABUSE we have rough dom/sub sex all the time), handcuffs me, literally reads me my Miranda Rights, leaves me there and rummages through the drawers throwing stuff everywhere, pulls out a little baggy of weed and goes apeshit like a cop might. I play a long, try to get him to 'let me go' if I can do sexual favours for him. Then we have some rough sex with handcuffs and everything. The actual sex was good but he kept speaking into his fake radio calling for backup, when I was on top he would shout OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN.

With the Spy outfit he would come in and check me for wires and do the whole Pink Panther thing where he says "It is lovely weather we are having" while sneaking to the drapes and then beating the drapes up. I was envisioning a more James Bond-eqsue seduction.

Like, I like the sex, it's good, but I wanted a more porn-like experience. And it was kinda funny but not what I thought. And I KNOW that he thinks roleplay is ridiculous, and that he is trying to have fun with it but I feel like he doesn't know what I want. And I don't hate him for it, he's a big fuckin goofball in or out of our roles, but I want to have MY experience. How can I tell him this?

for people who missed it the first time

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:50

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

quote:

All of our roleplaying revolves around one person being in character, and the other interacting with them.

oh word?

quote:

The actual sex was good but he kept speaking into his fake radio calling for backup, when I was on top he would shout OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:57

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

ArbitraryC posted:

for people who missed it the first time

i can't not picture this as burt macklin and janet snakehole when i read that

# ? Mar 23, 2017 21:58

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

ArbitraryC posted:

for people who missed it the first time

This is exactly what I'd do if my fianc�e asked for roleplay.

I lost it at him beating up the drapes.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 22:02

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

# ? Mar 23, 2017 22:08

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

ArbitraryC posted:

iirc he wasn't pretending to be a burgler he was just coming home late from a party or his gf's or something and tried to sneak in, his brother beat the poo poo out of him, and then the family dumped him off at the hospital before going out to treat the heroic brother to dinner or something. It did in general come across ice cold on his parent's part.
e: and I think they mighta been step brothers too which made it worse

gently caress, you're right. I was getting my stories mixed up.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 22:16

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

ArbitraryC posted:

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:
Jeffnote: my hero

So we've been with eachother for 6 years. Our sex life is just as good as when it started, I just wanted to try out some kinkier stuff so I suggested roleplaying. Kevin (husband) was somewhat open to the idea, but also thought it was a bit ridiculous. This is something I've always wanted to try, sort of like a fetish. So we got a few costumes, a Cop outfit and a Spy trenchcoat for him, and a nurse and cheerleader outfit for me. All of our roleplaying revolves around one person being in character, and the other interacting with them.

But he takes his roles as a joke! He goes intentionally extreme with the roles. I know he thinks it's a bit ridiculous, and I know he has more fun when he does this, but I want a real roleplay!

For example, when he dressed up as the Cop, he was supposed to do a stop and frisk, arrest me, etc, but in a sexy way. But instead, he kicks open the door, screams "HANDS UP THIS IS A RAID" and basically tackles me to the bed (this is OKAY it's NOT ABUSE we have rough dom/sub sex all the time), handcuffs me, literally reads me my Miranda Rights, leaves me there and rummages through the drawers throwing stuff everywhere, pulls out a little baggy of weed and goes apeshit like a cop might. I play a long, try to get him to 'let me go' if I can do sexual favours for him. Then we have some rough sex with handcuffs and everything. The actual sex was good but he kept speaking into his fake radio calling for backup, when I was on top he would shout OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN.

With the Spy outfit he would come in and check me for wires and do the whole Pink Panther thing where he says "It is lovely weather we are having" while sneaking to the drapes and then beating the drapes up. I was envisioning a more James Bond-eqsue seduction.

Like, I like the sex, it's good, but I wanted a more porn-like experience. And it was kinda funny but not what I thought. And I KNOW that he thinks roleplay is ridiculous, and that he is trying to have fun with it but I feel like he doesn't know what I want. And I don't hate him for it, he's a big fuckin goofball in or out of our roles, but I want to have MY experience. How can I tell him this?

This is amazing, I hope my fiancee wants to roleplay at some point, I'm going to steal a page from this guy's book (although I'm into roleplay so I'll totally do real stuff but throw in ridiculous goofy poo poo occasionally)

# ? Mar 23, 2017 22:40

Sotar: Dec 1, 2009

I browsed r/childfree a bit, and while I didn't find anything worth posting, I notice they refer to every child as "it". It is weird and kinda unnerving.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 23:17

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Sotar posted:

I browsed r/childfree a bit, and while I didn't find anything worth posting, I notice they refer to every child as "it". It is weird and kinda unnerving.

that's the way they feel about your kids :smuggo:

# ? Mar 23, 2017 23:24

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

I just imagine every r/childfree person is enormously fat and exceptionally goony with how much vitriol they harbour for things like hearing laughter

# ? Mar 23, 2017 23:37

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I just imagine every r/childfree person is enormously fat and exceptionally goony with how much vitriol they harbour for things like hearing laughter

Witnessing children laughing and playing, to childfree dorks, is like a war vet with PTSD being caught near a surprise fireworks show.

# ? Mar 24, 2017 00:04

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Pvt.Scott posted:

Witnessing children laughing and playing, to childfree dorks, is like a war vet with PTSD being caught near a surprise fireworks show.

They way they right about it seriously sounds autistic. I know we throw that around a ton and joke about it a lot but honestly when you have so many people writing about these intense, visceral reactions :jerkbag:

like physically cringing and feeling pain by hearing kids laughing is brokebrain

# ? Mar 24, 2017 00:10

uber_stoat: Jan 21, 2001; Pillbug

CROTCH FRUIT

# ? Mar 24, 2017 00:17

Sotar: Dec 1, 2009

54 40 or gently caress posted:

They way they right about it seriously sounds autistic. I know we throw that around a ton and joke about it a lot but honestly when you have so many people writing about these intense, visceral reactions like physically cringing and feeling pain by hearing kids laughing is brokebrain

They act offended by the mere sight of a child. Complaining about kids in a movie theater when you are seeing a kids movie is dumb as hell.

# ? Mar 24, 2017 00:19