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Screaming Idiot posted:GUYS I NEED HELP I AM BEING CHASED BY WHAT LOOKS LIKE A TREASURE CHEST ON HUNDREDS OF TINY FEET you'r ejust having a waking nightmare lol if i were you i'd get an eldritch exterminator out to see if you have a psychic infestation
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Mar 22, 2017 23:49
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Screaming Idiot posted:GUYS I NEED HELP I AM BEING CHASED BY WHAT LOOKS LIKE A TREASURE CHEST ON HUNDREDS OF TINY FEET Doshio~
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Mar 23, 2017 05:41
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Screaming Idiot posted:GUYS I NEED HELP I AM BEING CHASED BY WHAT LOOKS LIKE A TREASURE CHEST ON HUNDREDS OF TINY FEET Force Cage shits on magic immune things, just sacrifice some virgin stock to make it permanent.
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Mar 23, 2017 14:56
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Hey guys evil underling for hire if anyones interested (Note: I DON'T accept experimenting on myself)
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Mar 23, 2017 16:34
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im an evil wizard. sexual evil 
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Mar 23, 2017 16:39
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Hippity Hoppity posted:Hey guys evil underling for hire if anyones interested (Note: I DON'T accept experimenting on myself) What's even the point then?
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Mar 23, 2017 16:39
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Hippity Hoppity posted:Hey guys evil underling for hire if anyones interested (Note: I DON'T accept experimenting on myself) Can you do mass undead raisings? This is time critical temp work, which might result in a permanent position.
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Mar 23, 2017 16:44
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So summer is coming and I don't know what outfits are hot this season. I usually go for the cursed Tiki/Hawaiian print robes, but i've been reading some articles over the crystals and it seems this year is retro Dark-Atlantean.
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Mar 23, 2017 16:58
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black on black on black. if it hasn't broke in 10,000 cycles, why fix it?
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Mar 23, 2017 18:34
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JiveHonky posted:im an evil wizard.
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Mar 23, 2017 20:38
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nomadologique posted:black on black on black. if it hasn't broke in 10,000 cycles, why fix it? It's all rather drab though? Yes, in the winter to the colder parts of the scantum black wool is a good choice but I can't very well wear it out to the beach when I'm cursing dolphins now can I?
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Mar 23, 2017 20:42
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sweet geek swag posted:Can you do mass undead raisings? This is time critical temp work, which might result in a permanent position. You bet I can! I took this big book that covers all kinds of necromancy from this dumb wizard in a library (what an idiot amirite), I should point out i'm pretty good at sneaking so if you need to get a few ingredients for your cauldron or whatnot I can keep things on the down-low
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Mar 23, 2017 20:47
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JiveHonky posted:im an evil wizard. scrub my shaft and begin to please 
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Mar 23, 2017 20:52
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Tbh I'm more of a "lab assistant" then being of phenomenal cosmic powers, but I learn well under pressure and have references if you need them.
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Mar 23, 2017 20:52
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whispers in the outer darkness speak well of you, but i've learned not to trust them too readily.
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Mar 23, 2017 20:54
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpgQSbwnWD0
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Mar 23, 2017 20:55
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Hippity Hoppity posted:You bet I can! I took this big book that covers all kinds of necromancy from this dumb wizard in a library (what an idiot amirite), I should point out i'm pretty good at sneaking so if you need to get a few ingredients for your cauldron or whatnot I can keep things on the down-low My master plan has had an unexpected development (in a good way), and I am in need of assistance in raising a huge number of undead soldiers in a short amount of time. I offer standard evil wizard wages and if our venture is successful I would be willing to consider making you an apprentice or perhaps a lieutenant depending on your level of competency. Understand that if my plan is successful, I will be in a position to offer an incredible benefits package, including laboratory, test subjects and international contacts.
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Mar 24, 2017 02:12
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has anyone tried enchanting assault rifle ammunition with golem animation? it's like you're just firing a stream of tiny bullet shaped golems at them, its loving hilarious kind of a bastard to clean up afterwards though
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Mar 24, 2017 02:18
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sweet geek swag posted:My master plan has had an unexpected development (in a good way), and I am in need of assistance in raising a huge number of undead soldiers in a short amount of time. I offer standard evil wizard wages and if our venture is successful I would be willing to consider making you an apprentice or perhaps a lieutenant depending on your level of competency. Understand that if my plan is successful, I will be in a position to offer an incredible benefits package, including laboratory, test subjects and international contacts. FYI I'm pretty this guy's going to drop you down the skeleton trap door
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Mar 24, 2017 02:29
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I Said No posted:has anyone tried enchanting assault rifle ammunition with golem animation? it's like you're just firing a stream of tiny bullet shaped golems at them, its loving hilarious What are you, an Ammomancer?
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Mar 24, 2017 02:34
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naem posted:FYI I'm pretty this guy's going to drop you down the skeleton trap door Normally I would, but the local king just hired my death cult to clean up his recent battlefield. I honestly have a real opportunity to become a true Dark Lord.
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Mar 24, 2017 02:41
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it's no wonder there's a lack of good help in the evil wizarding world, considering that if a dark lord doesn't have his minion killed first, the minion will inevitably try to usurp his wicked crown. i'm all for evil unions, but they're just not as popular these days, with "right to curse" laws popping up in every fief you can think of.
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Mar 24, 2017 03:53
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Mar 24, 2017 05:13
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communist wizard. even i'm not that evil.
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Mar 24, 2017 06:32
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Clearly this is in an institution of higher learning for science. Charlatan.
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Mar 24, 2017 06:39
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Automatic Slim posted:Clearly this is in an institution of higher learning for science. Charlatan. Lol.. just lol if you haven't vivisected a Malthusian Fire Demon for its glands. If you put those in some stasis gel tubes, hook those up to an enhancement module and a small portable power source (a motorcycle battery, for example) you have a lightweight portable flamethrower that never needs to be refueled. SCIENCE MOTHERFUCKERS
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Mar 24, 2017 06:59
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jon joe posted:What are you, an Ammomancer? that sounds like a pretty neat new magical job to me
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Mar 24, 2017 07:02
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naem posted:FYI I'm pretty this guy's going to drop you down the skeleton trap door You don't know the first thing about betrayls do ya? Everyone knows its better to usurp your employer when they are getting their rear end handed by some fighter. I bet you also think we laugh maniacally when we slip poison into someones tea
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Mar 24, 2017 07:07
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sweet geek swag posted:My master plan has had an unexpected development (in a good way), and I am in need of assistance in raising a huge number of undead soldiers in a short amount of time. I offer standard evil wizard wages and if our venture is successful I would be willing to consider making you an apprentice or perhaps a lieutenant depending on your level of competency. Understand that if my plan is successful, I will be in a position to offer an incredible benefits package, including laboratory, test subjects and international contacts. I accept, is dressing business casual or do you prefer cloaks?
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Mar 24, 2017 07:14
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Hippity Hoppity posted:You don't know the first thing about betrayls do ya? Everyone knows its better to usurp your employer when they are getting their rear end handed by some fighter. I bet you also think we laugh maniacally when we slip poison into someones tea you do though right? just quietly, to yourself?
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Mar 24, 2017 07:26
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Making an minion /apprentice wear a logo stitched polo would truly be evil.
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Mar 24, 2017 07:27
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Hippity Hoppity posted:I accept, is dressing business casual or do you prefer cloaks? I'd wear something sturdy and warm, you are going to be on a battlefield raising corpses. We need to finish by midnight tonight!
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Mar 24, 2017 18:53
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So all in all things went quite well last night. The remaining paladins finally convinced the king that my death cult was in fact evil, and intent on raising the corpses he wanted me to bury. Luckily I got the corpses raised anyway. The paladins tried to turn my new undead army, only to be turned by my fallen angel first. My army then fell on the king's army, routing it. I've managed to force most of the various lords to surrender after I had demons kidnap their families. Of course I let the demons keep the families and simply killed the lords.As I invaded the capital city everyone fled in terror screaming "the Dark Lord is coming!" It's been a good day.
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Mar 25, 2017 19:34
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I Said No posted:that sounds like a pretty neat new magical job to me Need steady hands and a good magnifier to do runes and cuneiform that small, though.
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Mar 25, 2017 19:51
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sweet geek swag posted:everyone fled in terror screaming "the Dark Lord is coming!" It's been a good day. that's cuz justin bieber had a concert that night LOL
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Mar 26, 2017 00:31
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nomadologique posted:that's cuz justin bieber had a concert that night LOL The Biebs was one of the people fleeing in terror. I forced him to sign a contract forbidding him from singing until after the end of time. I know, as an evil wizard I shouldn't be doing good things.
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Mar 26, 2017 02:00
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sweet geek swag posted:The Biebs was one of the people fleeing in terror. I forced him to sign a contract forbidding him from singing until after the end of time. I know, as an evil wizard I shouldn't be doing good things. Lol if you think Justin Bieber isn't an evil enchanter with a host of infernal lawyers at his beck and call.
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Mar 28, 2017 16:43
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Surely by this point you've realized anyone with power either is a powerful wizard or has employed one. King just picked a poor choice.
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Mar 28, 2017 17:00
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Hi fellow wizards. Just checking in. I've taken the hat and cloak off the peg and I'm back into full-time wizardry after two decades of consulting and applied bardic research. That's right - I'm bringing back musical evil. I've got a small lair going on. Besides the flesh-tearing, maddening rhythm beating from what was once a human heart, it's a pretty traditional set-up. An orc and skeleton joint, you know. I'm set up down by a haunted marsh I bought for a song (literally!) My problem is birds. Something about my evil music just keeps attracting birds. I'm not talking crows and ravens, I'm talking cute little songbirds with red wingtips, bright green hummingbirds, the whole princess-in-a-tower shtick. They're chattering around, lighting on my shoulder, singing along. I can toss a half dozen fireballs and scare them away for an hour or two, but they keep coming back, and they seem practically immune to magic. I boiled a hundred of them and stitched their flesh and bone into to a golem, and it fell apart within a half hour. The next day there were more cute birds than ever. I'm a sixty-nine year-old warlock with my soul hidden in a box made from a dragon's ribcage, not a buxom maiden waiting to be rescued. I don't know what to do! I consulted for years and I've never seen anything like this. Please help!
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Mar 28, 2017 17:41
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Birds are good familiars and spies. Use it to your advantage man.
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Mar 28, 2017 18:07
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