- Mezzanon
- Sep 16, 2003
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Pillbug
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The answer to "Why don't you want kids?" that always gets people to shut up is "I'm incredibly selfish and would neglect them and blame them for my failures."
This, but also add "and I'm not ready to give up cocaine"
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Mar 29, 2017 17:28
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 29, 2024 03:42
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- Sisal Two-Step
- May 29, 2006
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mom without jaw
dad without wife
i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry
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My [21F] neighbor [??M] just passed. The family is sitting shiva and it's causing issues.Non-Romantic
quote:
submitted 4 months ago by timetotakeashot
I live in an apartment in a major city with my mom [40F] and my brother [16M] that's usually pretty alright. Our neighborhood isn't the best, but it's definitely improved over the years and is relatively comfortable living situation.
However, the neighbors on our floor (there are two apartments per floor with a short but thick hallway in between) have just lost the father, who I'm assuming is the head of the family. Obviously, we're very sympathetic towards their loss and don't want to stir up anything with them right now because of it. They're currently sitting shiva, which we once again have no problem with as they should be able to grieve in whatever manner helps them heal best, but they're not exactly being sensitive to us and their other neighbors whilst doing it.
Basically, they've got from what varies between 50-100 or so people over at almost all times. They leave around ten at night and are there from early in the morning. In order to accommodate this many people, they leave the door to their apartment open, so we're kind of constantly interacting with a bunch of strangers every time we leave the apartment. This would be a non issue if it weren't for the shoes. They're all taking their shoes off when entering the apartment, which has led to a hallway floor COVERED in random pairs of shoes. When I say covered, I mean tonight they were beginning to press against our doorway and made it difficult to walk outside. Oh, and people are constantly going in and out of the building, which leads to them having to buzz up constantly–once again, wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that they keep buzzing MY apartment, not the neighbors. In the span of 5 hours or so, they buzzed approximately 20 times.
As I've stated before, we really don't want to be insensitive to their loss, but this has been going on for four days now and we're in for three more. Part of me feels like we should just wait it out and be respectful, but it's really aggravating to feel as if we're not getting any semblance of that in return. I honestly kind of feel like a dick for even taking any issue with this, but it's causing tensions to be high between my family and I don't want to allow any expectations to form for the future.
TL;DR: The neighbors are sitting shiva and leaving their shoes all over our shared hallway to the point where walking out of our apartment is difficult. Unsure on how to proceed from here without being insensitive during their time of need.
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Mar 29, 2017 17:32
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- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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If the parents are boomers just uttering the words "nursing home" should be enough. My father has requested that if it comes down to a nursing home or death from neglect, he would prefer I just wheel him out to the back section of the farm and leave him there. "I won't come back, don't worry."
This is when I accidentally referred to the assisted living facility my grandparents were in as a nursing home. Apparently it was different enough when grandma went to an adult foster care home.
I absolutely love how terrified baby boomers are of the system they invented to incarcerate and neglect their own aging parents.
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Mar 29, 2017 17:35
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- new phone who dis
- May 24, 2007
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by VideoGames
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Morbid Hound
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I absolutely love how terrified baby boomers are of the system they invented to incarcerate and neglect their own aging parents.
Unless you've ever had to deal with an elderly family member with dementia or something similar you probably shouldn't judge too harshly. It's a demographic and medical problem no generation could have been prepared for.
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Mar 29, 2017 17:39
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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My [21F] neighbor [??M] just passed. The family is sitting shiva and it's causing issues.Non-Romantic
How loving awful do you have to be that stepping on or over shoes is more concerning to you than an entire family's grief? Though the buzzing thing is definitely annoying. If only printing out a sign saying "buzz this number if you're sitting shiva" was possible.
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Mar 29, 2017 17:48
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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How loving awful do you have to be that stepping on or over shoes is more concerning to you than an entire family's grief? Though the buzzing thing is definitely annoying. If only printing out a sign saying "buzz this number if you're sitting shiva" was possible.
I dunno the way they wrote it does sound like they're genuinely trying to be sympathetic and understanding but that poo poo would get old p fast.
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Mar 29, 2017 18:09
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- Waterbed Wendy
- Jan 29, 2009
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It's only temporarily inconveniencing them. Suck it up and wait until it's over and maybe bring a little hamantaschen over, print the sign for the buzzer, and learn to chillax.
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Mar 29, 2017 18:20
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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It's only temporarily inconveniencing them. Suck it up and wait until it's over and maybe bring a little hamantaschen over, print the sign for the buzzer, and learn to chillax.
I mean it's literally a fire hazard and prolly goes against the terms they accepted in their lease and it's already been goin on for over half a week. OP does seem to care they're just a bit frustrated with the situation which is imo understandable. I agree they should suck it up but I was just kinda turned off by the "how loving awful" tone of the criticism.
e:
I (35f) think my new husband (32m) forgot we are married, on our honeymoon of all places. He says he was just being is "normal flirty self" and meant nothing by all instances. I'm afraid I'm in for a rough road but can't imagine breaking up a marriage only a month in.
submitted 4 hours ago * by Brendasalt
quote:background: 2nd marriage for me, first for Derek. We met online, dated for a year, he proposed and I said yes. We got married in the county courthouse and took a long honeymoon on a cruise.
First sign of trouble: he was drunk and clearly flirting with an Eastern European bartender on the ship. I called him out on it and he said that he was just really interested in her culture and knows but can't help if women flirt with him because of his appearance (he is very good looking).
Second: we were laying out and I had gone to the bar to get us drinks, it was busy so I was gone for maybe 10 minutes and in that time he'd found an older woman (50s/60s) to swap sunscreen applications with. Again, he said it was just his flirty nature and she approached him.
Third: I decided I wanted a nap in our cabin and he wanted to stay out. After a couple hours I found him in the family pool area surrounded by three young girls (maybe 17/18) giving "college advice." He's an admissions advisor at a community college but at a family pool? With three young girls basically wearing thong bikinis? Seriously?
Fourth: at home I found a matchbook in his pocket with all the bartender's social media accounts written down on it, along with what appears to be a phone number. He says he can't help if women give them his numbers and I'm going to have to get used to it because it's happened since he was 15.
Do I need to start working out an exit plan? My first divorce was the hardest thing I've ever been through and really want this to work. But he's unapologetic, and doesn't see any of these things as a problem so I guess I accept them or don't. Any advice?
tl;dr: My new husband continuously flirted with other women on our honeymoon. I'm afraid this is a bad sign but not sure if I should give up only a month into the marriage.
Edit: just on a whim I checked out his Instagram and he's following the bartender and every other account he follows are what appear to be college age girls in bikinis. I probably shouldn't have checked because I'm really upset now.
Edit2: the thing everyone asks me is why I didn't See this coming. I'm being totally honest that he's very outgoing and was super friendly with all of my friends, male and female. Looking back I guess it could have been flirting. My first husband was so introverted and so anti social, I think I was just so excited by someone who could actually talk to people I overlooked a lot of signs. ArbitraryC fucked around with this message at 18:34 on Mar 29, 2017
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Mar 29, 2017 18:25
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- Waterbed Wendy
- Jan 29, 2009
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I think it's understandable to be frustrated, but there is an end in sight. If was just a thing the neighbors started doing for no reason and with no way of knowing when it would ever stop, then yeah def get the landlord involved. This is a different situation entirely though. Why create a tense situation between yourself and your neighbors to save yourself small and temporary inconvenience?
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Mar 29, 2017 18:32
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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Me [30M] with my ex gf [29F]: she keeps on running from her problems Breakups
quote:37 points 18 comments submitted 2 years ago by Saisinkopullonolluta to r/relationships
I need advice...
sorry for the very long post
My ex (f 29) and me (m 30) met in Uni. Before we got together we had sex several times and I noticed that every time I wanted to talk to her about what was going on between the two of us, she ran away. By running away I mean, that she left and I wouldn't get to see her or talk to her for a few days. When we finally got together, I had the time of my life. She's amazing. I've never experienced a relationship like that before. It was real, intensive, fun. Except for the fact that, every time we had an argument, she wanted to be all by herself. She either left the room, or in bigger fights, the house. I accepted it.
About two years into the relationship, she ran away again. I didn't get to see her for five days. I was worried something had happened to her, I called all of her friends, her family, my family, all of my friends etc. When she finally came home, she told me that she's pregnant and that she wasn't ready to tell me, she was afraid that I didn't want the baby. I was disappointed in her for not trusting me enough to tell me about it, but even more about the fact, that she thought I would leave her because of her being pregnant.
A few weeks later she lost the baby, and we both were devastated. I tried to help her to get over the loss, and when I thought that maybe she's come to the point to feel alright again, she left. She ran away again. I came home one day, and she wasn't there. Her things were gone. All she left was a note saying she couldn't do this anymore, and that she loved me.
About eight or nine months later, we met at a friend's party. I couldn't believe she was there. I couldn't believe she was there with her new boyfriend. It was just like she ripped my heart out all over again. She wanted to talk to me, so I let her. She apologized, told me she still loved me, and that she shouldn't have left. I couldn't listen to all the things she was saying, so now I was the one leaving.
She came over the next day, crying, apologizing, telling me she loves me... I was angry and hurt, I yelled at her (which was wrong, i know). When I calmed a little she asked me if she could have another chance, and that she'll change. I hugged her, and she kissed me. When I stopped, I told her, that I don't want her anymore, that I still love her more than anything, but that I can't trust her. I can't count on her to be there, when I come home. I need someone who shares her problems with me, who doesn't run away from her problems.
She left, probably back into the arms of that jerk she brought to the party. I had to let her go, I know... But I love her so very much, I would take her back if she'd only change. Should I try to work things out? Can this work? Has anyone been to a similar situation? I wouldn't post on here, if I wasn't completely torn...
tl;dr: during our relationship ex gf (29) used to run away from arguments, problems, etc.; she got pregnant, lost the baby; i tried to held her get through it, only to come home to a note saying she had to leave; months later we met at a party; she apologized and told me she loves me; i told her i couldn't be with her, bc i needed someone i can count on being there; she left! i'm thinking about taking her back, bc still love her.
Sad that she's like that, but I like to imagine this doofus getting home like three times in a row and the girl just bolting
"Honey, I'm home!"
"<Whacky SFX>"
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Mar 29, 2017 18:31
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- Gloryhold It!
- Sep 22, 2008
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Fucking
Adorable
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A shoe rack or 10 would probably help a lot.
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Mar 29, 2017 18:33
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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I think it's understandable to be frustrated, but there is an end in sight. If was just a thing the neighbors started doing for no reason and with no way of knowing when it would ever stop, then yeah def get the landlord involved. This is a different situation entirely though. Why create a tense situation between yourself and your neighbors to save yourself small and temporary inconvenience?
Yeah if you read through the comments it's very clear the OP doesn't actually want to upset the family they were just annoyed and venting, i really only felt it was unfair to call them "loving awful". They're moderately annoyed about tripping over shoes and getting their apartment buzzed a couple times an hour, it's not like they made a scene and then posted "what did I do wrong". They posted words anonymously on the internet to express their frustration, nothin wrong with that.
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Mar 29, 2017 18:37
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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At least it's not a a boiled pet rabbit, I guess
Me [25 M] girlfriend [23 F], 2 years - destroyed my most prized possession. Relationships
quote:submitted 3 years ago * by throwaway661221
Sorry for the throwaway but I know my girlfriend does use Reddit quite a bit and the ambiguity of the title will hopefully make her skip it...because of that, the numbers have been fudged by a few years but I don't think that's against the rules?
I love my girlfriend but a few hours ago we had a bit of an argument about money, the usual stuff - we're a couple of hundred up from our budget etc - I'm sure most couples go through it. From this came her suggestion to sell my desktop computer "since you only need a laptop" - note that I have owned this computer for 10 years and built it myself.
It's had a few upgrades, it's still running mainly the same stuff as it was 10 years ago, I take good care of it but knew I wouldn't get much money for it and it means more than it's monetary value to me anyway, I learnt to code on this machine, got my foot in the career path I wanted thanks to it.
Cue massive argument, she says I spend too long on the PC (I work from home) and it means more to me than her (it doesn't, I do love her and my computer is just a computer after all)
I went out for a smoke to cool off, came back in to my computer's case off and a cup of water thrown over the internals - I was enraged, I said stuff I shouldn't have, all she had to say was "You said you cared about me more, you shouldn't even be mad, this proves you care about the PC more"
Is it stupid to be annoyed over this? Am I blowing this way out of proportion? I don't even think I can look at her without becoming enraged right now... I've never had many friends throughout my childhood, I relied on the internet and that computer for most of my late teenage years and adult life, it just feels like she's destroyed a piece of me...
Edit: This blew up a bit, I can't reply to each and every one of you but thank you so much for commenting. I'm reading all the comments and taking them on board.
tl;dr: I don't even know Reddit, I feel like my girlfriend just destroyed my best friend - I might be a bit tech oriented but I don't even know what came over her to destroy it...
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Mar 29, 2017 18:48
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- Gloryhold It!
- Sep 22, 2008
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Fucking
Adorable
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"My SO just destroyed something of sentimental and practical value to me. Should I be upset?"
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Mar 29, 2017 18:56
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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Even without the weird emotional attachment to the computer, breaking his poo poo for no reason is a dealbreaker.
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Mar 29, 2017 18:58
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- new phone who dis
- May 24, 2007
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by VideoGames
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Morbid Hound
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At least it's not a a boiled pet rabbit, I guess
Me [25 M] girlfriend [23 F], 2 years - destroyed my most prized possession. Relationships
A SO who destroys your poo poo is abusive, no matter how sad of a loving nerd you are.
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Mar 29, 2017 19:01
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- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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The PC had more warmth, empathy and human decency so he was right to love it more.
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Mar 29, 2017 19:05
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- Gloryhold It!
- Sep 22, 2008
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Fucking
Adorable
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There was probably documents and photos and work on that thing too
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Mar 29, 2017 19:07
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- Cough Drop The Beat
- Jan 22, 2012
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by Lowtax
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Anyway, here's another dumdum:
Me[18F] with my BF [18M] of a couple weeks, said I "should go running", while we were intimate and I was naked. Relationships
*finishes inside my girlfriend while screaming I THINK YOU SHOULD JOIN A SOCCER TEAM BECAUSE IT'S GOOD FOR YOU*
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Mar 29, 2017 19:09
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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Girlfriend (27f) told me she thinks I (30M) should dump her
quote:u/valley3797824
I'm in pretty bad shape, guys. I need some advice.
GF of 9 months has been a little irritable with me lately, I'd say for around 2 weeks. I am an unusually patient person, though. I rarely get mad or annoyed about anything. But I could tell that she was kind of pushing specific buttons on purpose or being short with me just because she could. Don't ask how I could tell. I just could. But I just let it go. To be honest, I am really in love with her. Really, truly.
Then last night she says she wants to talk and says she is sorry for being so mean lately, but she honestly just wanted to push me. And I'm like why, what is happening, and she says she just wanted to push me to my breaking point so I'll explode. And I said there were some things that bothered me, but it wasn't enough for me to get pissed off. I brush things off pretty easily. And then she started crying and apologizing and said she just can't handle how calm I am.
She said that pretty much all the other guys she's dated never put up with so much poo poo from her. They either exploded or hit her or yelled back at her or cursed at her. And she doesn't know when exactly I'll end up doing that and that fear is worse than what I'll actually do. And I am like devastated. I would never, ever do anything to her. No matter what she did. Even at my worst angry moment in LIFE, all I ever did was walk away to cool down. I'd never hit or yell at a stranger, let alone my own girlfriend.
So I tried to tell her all this and she kept saying I needed to dump her for my own sake. And that she doesn't deserve someone who is as patient as I am. And that I should find a nicer girl. Because she will always feel anxious about when I'll snap "because they always do."
I don't want to do this. I asked her if she still liked me, or if there is any other reason that she wants us to stop and she said no, it's just her issues. So I told her we can go to therapy together if that will help and she did seem to feel a little reassured by that idea.
So - is it selfish of me to keep wanting to date her? I don't know if there is any way to assure her I'd never hurt her... but I think I have been showing her my true self all this time. Is it okay to keep going? Is it actually right to do what she wants me to do? Is that the right thing? I want to help her and support her... I really don't want to break up.
Tdlr: GF has had abusive relationships in the past and kept trying to provoke me for the past 2 weeks. I am not easily angered or annoyed and just figured she was in a bad mood or stressed... she dropped the bomb on me that she was doing it on purpose to see when I'd snap and then said I should dump her because she has too many issues. I don't want to... is it selfish of me to go against that wish? Is it okay for me to encourage her to stay with me and support her?
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Mar 29, 2017 19:09
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Girlfriend (27f) told me she thinks I (30M) should dump her
If somebody tells you to dump them, do it. Its like if someone at the decrept gas station in the middle of nowhere tells you nobody comes back from that big house on the hill you just dont go there.
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Mar 29, 2017 19:18
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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*finishes inside my girlfriend while screaming I THINK YOU SHOULD JOIN A SOCCER TEAM BECAUSE IT'S GOOD FOR YOU*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeLXUVlPNrY
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Mar 29, 2017 19:20
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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If somebody tells you to dump them, do it. Its like if someone at the decrept gas station in the middle of nowhere tells you nobody comes back from that big house on the hill you just dont go there.
Ignored this exact warning, shouldn't have. She was too hot, I was too dumb.
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Mar 29, 2017 19:24
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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If somebody tells you to dump them, do it. Its like if someone at the decrept gas station in the middle of nowhere tells you nobody comes back from that big house on the hill you just dont go there.
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Mar 29, 2017 19:31
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- the bitcoin of weed
- Nov 1, 2014
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that particular girl just needs a lot of therapy for her intense self-loathing learned from past abusive relationships but I can't blame the guy for not wanting to stick around through that, it's exhausting
e: though tbf it sounds like he's not even considering that yet, but give it a few more months
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Mar 29, 2017 19:45
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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dont date me
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Mar 29, 2017 19:50
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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heh heh heh
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Mar 29, 2017 19:50
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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usually when someone turns lovely it's because they've done a lovely thing and don't want to own the agency of ending the relationship.
This is super true.
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Mar 29, 2017 19:55
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- Ride The Gravitron
- May 2, 2008
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by FactsAreUseless
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Boyfriend (22M) of 3 years told me if he had to choose between our lives that he'd pick his over mine (22F) I'm really hurt by this
u/choosehimoverrme
The other day I asked my boyfriend who he'd pick if we were in a situation where we had to choose between each other's lives or our own. He replied, without hesitation, "Mine."
I was kind of bothered by his immediate response but didn't press it until later that night. I asked him why and he said, "Well, we're 20, you're gonna be sad for a while, date around, get married and have a family while I'm dead, it's not like you're gonna spend forever mourning or anything so why should I sacrifice my chance at having all that good stuff to? I'll be really sad if you died and it would ruin me but I'd prefer living."
How do I deal with a situation like this? It's been on my mind since and it feels like he doesn't think much of our relationship if he could respond like that with...Idk... a cold, almost ruthless businessman's answer.
tl;dr boyfriend said he'd pick himself over me if it came down to it and the way he said it has me feeling like he secretly doesn't think much of our relationship
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Mar 29, 2017 19:56
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Ask a stupid question...
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Mar 29, 2017 19:57
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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usually when someone turns lovely it's because they've done a lovely thing and don't want to own the agency of ending the relationship.
Ding ding. She's making up all that other poo poo to get out of being the bad guy.
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Mar 29, 2017 20:02
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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When faced with that question, always lie.
Edir: Actually just always lie no matter what the question is.
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Mar 29, 2017 20:03
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 29, 2024 03:42
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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hey baby which one of my friends would you gently caress? you can't answer none, cmom hurry up tell me now
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Mar 29, 2017 20:06
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Mar 29, 2017 17:28
Cat Army 
