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lol. you are about to get enchanted by a fair maiden. kiss your sweet evil freedom goodbye.
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Mar 28, 2017 18:53
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honestly, the best you can do at this point (and i know it hurts to hear it) is become a redeemed evildoer and help the maiden on her quest, bc her heart of gold is gonna blow away every tatter of villainy in your withered soul.
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Mar 28, 2017 18:55
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nomadologique posted:honestly, the best you can do at this point (and i know it hurts to hear it) is become a redeemed evildoer and help the maiden on her quest, bc her heart of gold is gonna blow away every tatter of villainy in your withered soul. Nice try! You'll have to find it, first!
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Mar 28, 2017 18:57
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she'll find it, lol. she'll make you bring it to her on a silver platter. and you will, quite happily.
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Mar 28, 2017 19:20
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nomadologique posted:she'll find it, lol. she'll make you bring it to her on a silver platter. and you will, quite happily. Huey lewis is that really you?
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Mar 28, 2017 20:11
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One of the problems with song magic, and a major reason you don't see it much anymore, is that fair maidens are literally undefeatable in a contest of magical music. If there's one within ten miles, any time they hum a tune they're gonna gently caress up whatever evil poo poo you have going. (There are some interesting theories as to why, if you dig into fate/fey/fable interactions, but nothing actionable.) This could be the cause of the bird thing. Best actual solutions I've seen involve stealing her voice or turning her evil, but both those tend to attract capital-H Heroes. At that point, you'll have a less than even chance of making it out at all.
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Mar 28, 2017 22:16
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Can I have your orc band after you're converted dude. Need a spooky soundtrack for my lair when the heroes are in danger.
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Mar 29, 2017 08:17
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Eela6 posted:Hi fellow wizards. Just checking in. I've taken the hat and cloak off the peg and I'm back into full-time wizardry after two decades of consulting and applied bardic research. That's right - I'm bringing back musical evil. You want to encourage them to do disgusting things, like, I don't know, peck at stuff? Eat stuff. Be scary. Bird stuff. Use your imagination. Get some creepy-rear end bird flocks going. Or, you know, give in to that maiden.
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Mar 29, 2017 08:24
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Or, you know, give in to that maiden. nooooooo she'll break your heart*, I just went through this!!! well, crone, not maiden, but still! wait I think she was a maiden though? *even if it's made from onyx!!!
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Mar 29, 2017 10:49
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Okay, I just finished eating the skull of one of the greatest warlocks of all time and I gained unimaginable demonic power, which is cool, but I also grew horns and wings and now my robes won't fit. And I'm not talking little ones, I mean Tim Curry from Legend wings and horns, really bulky and goofy-looking. What should I do? My demonic powers render me immune to polymorphing so that's out, shapechanging requires way too much concentration, and I have a date on Saturday with this cute lady I met at church and I want to make this work.
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Mar 29, 2017 12:28
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Screaming Idiot posted:Okay, I just finished eating the skull of one of the greatest warlocks of all time and I gained unimaginable demonic power, which is cool, but I also grew horns and wings and now my robes won't fit. And I'm not talking little ones, I mean Tim Curry from Legend wings and horns, really bulky and goofy-looking. How new are you to this? Cast illusion or make an amulet of Disguise. Did the skull you ate come from a wizard lurking the short spire? Also next time you want to get the sum-total wisdom and knowledge from a person don't eat them, smoke them. Takes far less time, is much cleaner and the transfer is much more intact. Sure the cannibalistic rush is great, but you get blood and brain everywhere and you have to spend weeks working out the all the details on an instinctual level instead of going right to the intellectual level by hookah-ing a fool. I have a trap room specifically to lure dumb heroes into that is just a giant vaporizer.
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Mar 29, 2017 18:50
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please note, and i don't mean to condone it, but in many magickal precincts, while cannibalism is perfectly legal, smoking/vaping flesh is still very much against the law! please be sure to check your local ordinances before doing this, as you do NOT NOT NOT want The Render of All Things showing up at your door on a saturday morning.
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Mar 29, 2017 19:16
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Well, unless you have enough to share. (Keep The Laws)
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Mar 29, 2017 19:17
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Lawful Evil wizards are such a buzzkill and the laws around smoking dank flesh are outdated, classist and barely even enforced anymore at a local level. Why is it okay for a necromancer to raise up some zombies to clean his slave pits but the second I toss a nosy monk into my soul-bong suddenly I'm as bad the wizards smuggling super addictive blue crystals from the Fae-realms?! It's a humane, natural process that uses the entire subject and isn't habit forming. Sure if you're predisposed to soul-madness then you shouldn't partake but what I do in my personal lair is my business and if it's not hurting anyone important than what's the big deal?
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Mar 29, 2017 20:00
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nomadologique posted:please note, and i don't mean to condone it, but in many magickal precincts, while cannibalism is perfectly legal, smoking/vaping flesh is still very much against the law! please be sure to check your local ordinances before doing this, as you do NOT NOT NOT want The Render of All Things showing up at your door on a saturday morning. You may say this, but I once had a great time pretending to be "redeemed" by a heroic wizard. After several weeks of pretending to do good things (this is extremely difficult after the first day or two), I convinced him to share a smoke with me. When he was back was turned, I sprinkled the dried flesh of some schlub that wandered into my castle seeking "riches and fame" into the good wizard's pipe. Boy, the look on his face when the Render showed up the next day! Anyway that's how I ended up with a sweet new staff and no competition in the local province.
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Mar 30, 2017 04:41
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that is some truly evil wizardry, bravo.
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Mar 30, 2017 15:28
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Wow, that's some grade-A evil right there. I guess I technically register as "undead" so I think that's why I get away with toking up unrended. It's not going full light but if you take out your soul and put it back in quick enough then you get the Undead tag without actually going undead. Still have a heartbeat and can enjoy food and honestly as an evil wizard you don't miss having a conscience at all! Makes it a pain having to avoid holy things but most of the negatives you get as undead you already have as an evil wizard. Try it out!
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Mar 30, 2017 20:26
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that's an irreversible process that a lot of evil wizards have regretted after the fact, so honestly, just like with the smoking thing, i suggest you take a long hard look at yourself before you do anything like that. make sure it's what you really want. seriously arkanomen you're full of questionable advice bud! properly evil of you. kudos.
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Mar 31, 2017 03:20
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This thread is making me so grateful to live in the Outer Abyss where there's no intrusive metaphysical forces telling you whose soul you should or shouldn't suck out of what orifice. You guys don't know what you're missing. lol
Vlonald Prump fucked around with this message at 06:11 on Apr 1, 2017 |
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Mar 31, 2017 09:00
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among many other things, the reagent market here is second to none, so there are some upsides.
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Mar 31, 2017 18:07
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nomadologique posted:that's an irreversible process that a lot of evil wizards have regretted after the fact, so honestly, just like with the smoking thing, i suggest you take a long hard look at yourself before you do anything like that. make sure it's what you really want. The most sublime evil is to stand by and watch others to make bad choices you convinced them to make. Just claim you're a journalist when the paladins come knocking on your door and walk away unsmited as interfering would compromise your integrity.
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Mar 31, 2017 18:20
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Hobelhouse posted:This thread is making me so grateful to live in the Outer Abyss where there's no intrusive metaphysical forces telling you whose soul you shouldn't, or shouldn't suck out of what orifice. You guys don't know what you're missing. lol I'm sure. I'm also sure you find it a pain in the rear end paying premiums on reagents and/or finding willing volunteers for you experimentations. Living in the outer planes is fine and dandy, even did it myself for awhile. Material plane is just as good, it's all relative to what you are accustomed to.
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Apr 1, 2017 01:47
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Eh, the gibbering fiends out here are cooperative enough. If you give 'em enough soul fragments to keep them from dissolving back into the formless void some of them even stick long enough to develop a personality. The personality of a schizophrenic axe murderer usually, but that suits me just fine. Got a good deal going where I train up Void Fiends for summoning and my boy back in the Obsidian City sends me reagents and some fresh mooks to tear the souls out of. I've been training some of the fiends to help out. There's this one I'm keeping an eye on, Tsalagyash'thlu'jak, he's gotten to be very creative. Have you ever seen a man poo poo out his soul before? They don't teach you anything about that in Mage School! It's the loving wild West out here, it's nuts. Though maybe I shouldn't be talking it up too much, that's how the Astral Planes got "discovered" and you all know what a gentrified fuckville that turned into. At least here in the Outer Abyss they can't jack up the rent. Don't let anyone tell you there aren't upsides to living in an infinite formless void.
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Apr 1, 2017 06:35
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honestly, real estate agents make me shiver. talk about evil.
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Apr 1, 2017 07:12
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Oh don't get me started on the Astral plane and the Outer Planar tax on "souls of pure heart" poo poo has become onerous.
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Apr 1, 2017 07:15
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Alright guys. give it to me straight. Are cults worth it. should i just worship this entropy god by myself or should recruit some idiots at the magic college to share the workload. Hihohe fucked around with this message at 07:53 on Apr 1, 2017 |
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Apr 1, 2017 07:41
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Don't mess with religion other than pacts with the ruinous powers. Even then that's basically just a legal contract. There's nothing more of a waste of time than church politics. Somebody gets passed over a promotion, you get in fighting, splinter factions...Some gods even get off on that as a some kind of survival of the fittest. It's not, it's just dysfunctional head games disguised as divine doctrine. Stick with the Laws and save yourself having to deal with insane zealots. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 08:19 on Apr 1, 2017 |
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Apr 1, 2017 07:59
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Buddy of mine used to run the local chapter of the Cult of Ba'al and he got maaaaad brainwashed cultist pussy. Ba'al is kind of a party animal though, IDK about some random entropy god. You'll all probably wind up looking like diseased skeletons and corpulent germbags in no time and that is NOT a good look for getting down with (one of my exs was Nurgle- curious, don't ask)
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Apr 1, 2017 08:22
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Hihohe posted:Alright guys. give it to me straight. In my experience, cultists are really weak-willed, and they'll ditch you for another smooth-talking evil wizard or even demi-gods. I think you're best off trying to scam some local peons into worshiping the entropy god and siphon off some of the power. Besides, that's plausible deniability: if authorities or enforcers in your area want to punish someone for dealing with extra-planar deities, they'll come after the peons instead of you.
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Apr 1, 2017 08:40
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If you have to get involved with religion, become the god they worship, or if you can't tap into your dormant dark divinity, fake it 'til you make it. Also, my horns and wings fell off in the shower. Turns out they weren't even permanent, lol.
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Apr 1, 2017 08:57
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religious cultists move with the wind; you're a prophet today and the antiba'al tomorrow non-religious cults, now that's where the action's at, baby! Just don't make the same mistakes as Adolf the Red and it's smooth sailing
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Apr 1, 2017 17:01
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Hobelhouse posted:Buddy of mine used to run the local chapter of the Cult of Ba'al and he got maaaaad brainwashed cultist pussy. Ba'al is kind of a party animal though, IDK about some random entropy god. You'll all probably wind up looking like diseased skeletons and corpulent germbags in no time and that is NOT a good look for getting down with (one of my exs was Nurgle- curious, don't ask) Which Ba'al are you talking about? Zebub? Horchata? Frank? Ba'al is a title. Ba'al Zebub is "Lord of the Flies" and took ownership of the name after some crazy Yam (the Storm God) cultists started carrying him around in a box and promoting their worldwide cultural hegemony (that thing with Mithras really made the whole thing snowball in a delightfully hilarious direction) which included calling Him a giant piece of poo poo. His portfolio is actually farming, fertility and the soft rains, though He has started to dabble in excrement, pestilence, and golden showers as sort of a disruptive marketing thing. Ba'al Frank, though. Ba'al Frank... is a real party dude.
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Apr 1, 2017 18:52
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what is this 20-page thread about
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Apr 1, 2017 18:55
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a misanthrope posted:what is this 20-page thread about ~twenty pages
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Apr 1, 2017 19:14
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Peanut Butler posted:~twenty pages i'm bready to die
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Apr 1, 2017 19:15
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a misanthrope posted:i'm bready to die let's talk about it, step into my cauldron
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Apr 1, 2017 19:18
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a misanthrope posted:i'm bready to die Dibs on your soul
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Apr 1, 2017 19:18
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have you considered donating all of your bones to a bad cause right now?
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Apr 1, 2017 19:18
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sorry guys my earthly and spiritual remains have already been claimed by Sallie Mae
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Apr 1, 2017 19:19
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Oh whuff. Even I wouldn't touch Sallie Mae's property with my worst enemy's staff. Sorry, but they're too evil even for me.
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Apr 1, 2017 21:05
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