Tiny Deer posted:

Yeah but then you have other problems, like someone who will spend money on expensive underwear but doesn't care enough to go to a real bra store.

Bad economics, not wife material.

Blue Train posted:

The person I'm thinking of can only buy panties there because she wears a 38DDD and they don't have pretty bras in that size

Mirthless posted:

hahaha, you weren't kidding

the "Eddie Murphy" rule

Blue Train posted:

The person I'm thinking of can only buy panties there because she wears a 38DDD and they don't have pretty bras in that size

Blue Train posted:

The person I'm thinking of can only buy panties there because she wears a 38DDD and they don't have pretty bras in that size

Lockback posted:

Behold: A really sleazy lawyer and a really, really dumb person.


Why would a lawyer [60ish/M] want to have sex with me [27/F]? What does he want to gain from this?

Clark Nova posted:

I don't know whether to laugh or cry that they had to enact a specific rule against "trading commodities on inside information obtained from the government"

YeahTubaMike posted:

wtf, yeah they do

source: i wear 38DD and i frequently only see cute designs in 38D and 38DDD

YeahTubaMike posted:

wtf, yeah they do

source: i wear 38DD and i frequently only see cute designs in 38D and 38DDD

Blue Train posted:

I'll see if she'll trade stores with you

Werong Bustope posted:

For real if your lady friend likes expensive underwear tell her to go custom. A really good bra is life changing if you've got big titties.

quote:

Me [20s M] with my girlfriend [20s F] of 18 months, concerns about weird porn habits (NSFW text)

Sorry in advance, on my phone and don't type long things on here ever.

So I've been with this girl for a year and a half now and we're at that stage where we want to get a place together, but there's been one issue that has come up more and more as we talk about it and I feel like we're getting nowhere on it.

So she likes weird porn, especially furry and dragon porn. And she is really, really into it too.

At first I didn't care even though I wasn't interested in it at all, I even tolerated the bad dragon sex toys, but it's gotten to be an issue.

First of all, and yes, this is embarassing to write out, but she'll make remarks sometimes when playing with toys like "if this was a real dragon I'd cum in seconds" or if looking at some porn she'll say "I'd let that dragon gently caress me even if it kills me afterwards" or "I'd gently caress that anthro wolf if it was real and is be mad if you didn't let me".

Like, am I being ridiculous for being upset by these comments? I've told her to not make such... Direct? Cheaty? Degrading? Comments before but she just laughs it off every time like it's ridiculous for me to be upset by it. She can have her fantasy, that's fine and I have my own, but I'd never loving say something like "if only Lara croft were sucking my cock instead" during a blowjob. Literally feel like I can't compare to something imaginary, yet at the same time if I voice a concern about it I all I get is "it's just imaginary".

Secondly, she talks about this stuff with other people. I don't think she's doing anything cheaty, but at the same time I just don't like her talking about porn with other people so frequently. A joke here and there would be fine, but she has accounts and friends lists and relationships built around this stuff. Not only does it feel like a large part of her life I can't participate in and one more thing I can't fulfill for her, but she has a few relationships that borderline inappropriate. I'm talking hours a week or more with specific people, just talking about their favorite artists and sharing porn pictures and talking about their bad dragon toys. I don't get it, I don't like it, but every time i try to voice a concern about that all I'm told is its no big deal and that she can't talk to me about it so she needs to talk to somebody...

But, lastly, and the one big hurdle before getting our own place. She says she needs to masturbate to furry porn at least once a day. needs.

We've talked this over so many times, and I hit an absolute dead wall every time. I'm told that when we move in together she is going to masturbate to furry or dragon porn when I'm at work, every day, and that during weekends or holidays she might go to another room and do it.

That's the best she says she can do.

I'm still loving shocked by this, honestly, and its a big reason why I'm not jumping at an opportunity to get a place together yet.

Am I wrong about this? I have a huge sex drive, I might jerk off if she's gone all day, but to actually loving plan it out that she will every time I'm gone and to tell me that she might when I am home. gently caress. The thought of us watching TV or something and her leaving to masturbate alone makes me loving angry and feel pathetic and I can't loving deal with that.

But she says that's how it has to be. That this is just too large a part of her life.

Can anyone help me out here? I'm losing sleep over this poo poo. I don't want to lose her but I just don't think I'll be okay with this behavior if we were to move in together.

tl;dr: girlfriend is seriously into furry porn, making me feel inadequate, says that it is a MUST in our relationship that she masturbate to it regularly even if we move in together.

Pick posted:

I don't think I own 20 pairs of underwear either and don't know why I'd need to, I run a wash every 4 days or so. Why do I need to have 5 pairs per day? If there's an UNDERWEAR EMERGENCY I can also just buy more like anywhere at any time.

ArbitraryC posted:

I kinda wonder what she means by "He is leaving it in my hands to ask, but it is very clear what he wants."

Like in what way has he made it clear that he would like to trade his services for sexual favors without overtly saying it.

ArbitraryC posted:

I can't find the original reddit thread but did the person who found this know if it was ever clarified, like why exactly does she think her lawyer is soliciting her?

quote:

Can't he find someone his own age? Lol!

Drunk Nerds posted:

I don't know what's worse: The fact that you thought that someone wanted to know the logistics of your underwear situation, or the fact that you are almost definitely right

Psycho Society posted:

Im wearing underwear right now. Pretty hot huh

ArbitraryC posted:

I can't find the original reddit thread but did the person who found this know if it was ever clarified, like why exactly does she think her lawyer is soliciting her?

quote:

No, he's definitely not interested in a relationship. I mentioned how he expressed himself in the other post.
During our meeting, he was actually very nice to me, but there was a lot of sexual innuendo from him. He told me that I could ask anything I wanted, even if it was difficult or awkward. He asked if I was a virgin (no).

It's my parents who are pursuing me legally because I broke a household item due to the arguments we've been having about me becoming independent. They don't want me to become independent, and he mentioned that part of the reason I need to be independent is so that I can bonk whoever I want, whenever I want.

He asked what the worst thing I'd ever done was - I cited harmless acts, and he said that he thought I'd say I'd bonked a ton of guys in one night. He said some pretty outrageous things, probably to gauge my reaction, like, "have you ever hosed a black guy?" I kept a straight face.

I ignored it all, and followed up professionally via email and text, but his responses made it clear what he wanted. He said I haven't asked him the question yet, and we went back and forth for a while and eventually he said that I probably know what he wants.

I'm in an abusive situation at home with my parents at the moment, and the concept of being given some money to get out of it is very tempting, but I refuse to compromise my integrity.

Lockback posted:

Her comments are as dumb as her post
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/64l77l/why_would_a_lawyer_60ishm_want_to_have_sex_with/

quote:

Thanks for the advice, really helpful. I can't believe he has created more problems than what I begun with! I feel guilty because he was quite nice, and I didn't feel unsafe (i.e., as though he was about to lock the doors and rape me), but I have to do something, so will look into my local Legal Practice Board.

ArbitraryC posted:

Sounds like either a troll or simply crazy.

Mirthless posted:

quote:

I broke a household item due to the arguments we've been having about me becoming independent

quote:

He's also very high-profile. It would probably make the news if he was pursued legally for this.

Fullhouse posted:

the most disturbing part of this is repeated use of "bonked" as sexual innuendo

Blue Train posted:

I know she has at least one, she spends most of her money on bags though so I think she forgoes the nicer bras for those

quote:

The tl;dr is at the bottom.

The story: Ok I'm in a kind of weird place right now in my life. Turning 38 this summer still single but not really bothered about it. After my last relationship ended I found a couple of dating-apps for adults and spoke to some women. Problem though is that the young and hot girls does not respond. So I started talking to older women, 40+ and noticed that this was a whole other game where I was the young-looking one and the women not only responded but initiated conversation that lead to som fun sexy times.

I'm kind of embarrassed about it and I don't tell my friends a single thing. I consider this as kind of a low point in my life but well... it's still something.

Ok so I started talking to this lady, 51 years old. She kind of turns me on with her style, but she is not very good looking. She wanted to get hosed rough and hard, and I promised her just that.

Hour before she arrives is the moment of the gently caress-up, which is writing this about 4 hours ago. I pop a boner pill just to be sure that I would maintain a boner loving this old lady.

She arrives, I start to warm her up with some light bdsm stuff, mixing spankings with pleasure and just get her into the mood for a real rough ride. In all this I decide to put my dick in her for a minute before continue spankings so I spread her legs and just push it in (she was 100% in on all this). Seconds later I feel something dripping down my leg and I make a quick check just what the gently caress is going on down there.

Blood, loving everywhere.

...so there I stand with a dick dripping blood like it almost pouring. Obviously the only thing to do is rush to the toilet and start putting pressure on the wound with paper towels.

Normally I would have gone flaccid in seconds by this. But with that loving boner pill in me the pressure was still upp and the blood just would not stop. Bathroom looking like a loving murder-scene with red paper towels and blood drippings, even my bloody handprints is on the wall. Still boner though. wtf...

A good fifteen minutes of blood not stopping later I finally notice that the paper towels are starting to stay white. I return to the living room finding her mopping my floors from blood. We laugh about the whole thing and I tell her I'm really sorry I no longer can't deliver what she wants.

Her answer? "You'll be ok again in like 15 minutes".

ok. She drove all this way, expecting a gently caress and ended up cleaning my floors. I at least owed her some company. Maybe I could pleasure her without using my dick. Problem with that though - every time a started to get hard blood would start pouring again. She noticed that and started to have some fun with it. She let me be long enough to stop bleeding then made me hard again "just to see if it'd work this time".

By this time I started to get a little annoyed by her. By the fifth or sixth time I politely asked her to leave me so I could start heal myself before dying of loving blood loss. Ten minutes after she walked out that door i started typing this tifu. Now I sit here, with the effects of a boner pill and a unfinished intercourse trying not to get a boner or I will start bleed again.

And yeah, the pill is in effect for 36-48 hours. Not giving me a constant boner, but every time a see something even slightly sexual I get aroused.

Yeah this is probably in my top three lovely moments of my life.

tl,dr: Hooked up with a granny who wanted rough stuff so I took a boner pill so I could come multiple times. 3 minutes in my frenulum bursted and my dick started pouring out blood like it would never stop.

quote:

let me tell you how I got there. Somewhere around passing the 30yo-mark I noticed that my endurance was making good progress. I could literally go for hours. Good times, now I could deliver how many orgasms the women wanted and then finish myself.

But this one day I meet up with a girl my age. I like her from the start and this is the first woman ever telling me flat out she wants it rough. We start off as gently caress buddies but ends up as a couple. Now the first time I boned her I wanted to make a good impression. She wanted it rough, I brought it Rocco Sigfredi-style (a very rough male pornstar for you who don't know) but my nervousness and my attempts to make it last longer led to me going semi-limp after a while.

I suggested a water brake, got my head together for a second and could continue to finish a couple of times before heading home. Dodged the situation with the water brake thing and felt like she didn't notice.

But now the question was there. Why the gently caress did my penis go soft in the middle of a gently caress? I googled the cialis and bought a couple, just to have in my backpack. That was enough to "cure" my nervousness about that ever happen again, and I could gently caress with no problem since I was really attracted to her. I never even took the pill, just knowing I could cure my fear made it work. After a couple of dates with her I knew enough about her that she turned me on whenever I even thought about her, and i forgot about the pills.

So, I figured that this probably has to do something tied to nervousness being with a new girl for the first time. After a bad breakup I tested my theory by hooking up with a great looking girl, like porn star model good looking. I had no intention seeing her again, this was abroad and just a vacation thing. But sure as hell... after 45 minutes unable to finish she started complaining about it taking to long and she starts to get tired. If that is not a boner killer I don't know what is. I went soft and I went back to my hotel room in shame.

Ok, so now I know how I function, it's my loving head overthinking things and making me nervous about not being able to finish. Did not have any more luck with the ladies that whole weekend trip.

Got back home, dated a 40yo and had the same problems. But with this girl I could be open and honest and just tell it like it is. cialis still in my backpack, but this time I cured it with talking it out.

Well, turned out this lady wanted things moving faster into a serious relationship than me, did not work out in the end and suddenly I was single again.

Again this problem. Am I going to go limp with every lady first time having sex now? Sure the explanation that she is too hot is helping, but still... come on. I did not imagine having these kind of (psychological) problems by 35.

So I downloaded them apps and started looking for ladies. When finding this old bag of bones (the 51 yo) I popped a pill just to make things sure. This was both a first timer and also not very attractive. Made her almost fell in love with my dick. Now this time we had some hard sex, but not advanced. Days later she says she wants it more rough next time.

'Next time' was the story of my gently caress-up.

So, the point of my story is that I had some kind of mental blockage I could cure just by raising my confidence (knowing I could just pop a pill if things would go downwards the spiral) If you are not having those kind of problems you should not worry about having to get boner pills for at least another 20 years. I hope you feel like my story here is not your situation at all and have a happy functional loving sex-life.

quote:

I'm sorry to hear about your condition.

And of course you are not all hags. I sometimes find women 40+ very attractive and not only by their looks or shape. Many of you have kind of figured out life and are very secure in themselves. That is hot as hell.

But you are a little out of line saying no hot young women would ever date me. First of all, you don't know me, my looks or personality. Or my preferences. I've turned girls down just for being too young. As we both point out, I'm 38 for gods sake. I would not even think of dating a 19 year old or even under 25. But 25-30 is still a hot young woman for me.

And I know for sure younger women date older guys. But they (the guys) looks like either moviestars with tons of cash, or like a pro athlete... with tons of cash. I'm not in that league, i look way to regular and even though i know i look good, I know I don't stand out in any way compared to these guys. So my point is that you are kind of wrong making assumptions just as you did. Both about me and your fellow women. Because I guess you are not all alike, are you?

quote:

Yes of course you are right. You should always wear condoms, seatbelt, bicycle helmet and all kinds of protective gear since no-one could predict anything. And you can never get downvoted for stating that, because it is right.

But it is kind of stating the obvious and unnecessary. Don't you think I know about the pro's and cons about condoms? I am 38. To not wear one was a decision I made and you pointing out the bad decision is like point out that someone is jaywalking. Mind your own business please thank you.

quote:

with what, if they have not infected me first?

You know, if you get an STD you would probably notice it. I pay attention to my dick, and if it would even feel/look slightly infected with anything I'd go check. I've checked myself before and was send home with a "dude you are just worrying that is nothing."

Don't know if you are a dude or a girl, but if you are a dude you would know that we feel things in our penises as well as girls knows their different problems downstairs from time to time.

quote:

Also, adding to other commenters, it can happen if the pussy is not wet enough. Which was the case in my story. did not use any lube when the intention just was a short in 'n out just to make her wanting it more. Apparently she was not as wet as I thought when I fingered her, and my whole foreskin just got pulled back so far that the dickstring couldn't take it.

ArbitraryC posted:

Lookin forward to reading that story.

Drunk Nerds posted:

Classic sign of adulthood and independence: Breaking stuff then blaming others

Drunk Nerds posted:

Yes, high-powered lawyers often make headlines for attempting sleazy sex

quote:

M: Hi L, it's M here. How are you going? Have you heard anything from the police regarding my request for a diversion yet? I'm keeping track of my Austudy claim, and it is still processing. Thanks, M.
L: Not yet. Nor have you asked the question.
M: What do you mean by "nor have you asked the question"?
L: Remember I said you must in life ask the question can only get a yes or no.
M: Ohhh, haha, okay. So you haven't asked the police yet?
L: Yes i have the question was personal if you want something you need to ask.
M: What may this "something" be?
L: That's your question if you have one.
M: Are you hinting at something that I'm not picking up? Lol...
L: I wouldn't do that but you are very perceptive
M: Haha, you are very cryptic! rubbing chin emoticon
L: It's your question
M: I have a question: what do you want me to ask?
L: Good question think we both know maybe
I didn't reply to that for half an hour, and then he sent this:
L: Still cryptic?

Fullhouse posted:

thinking it's pretty likely that dude isn't an actual lawyer