/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Rakthar posted:

Some people use "we" in relationships to mean decisions they made.

Now we're getting to the good stuff. Who did this to you, Rakthar? Sharing will be therapeutic

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:14

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 15:32

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Drunk Nerds posted:

Now we're getting to the good stuff. Who did this to you, Rakthar? Sharing will be therapeutic

We haven't gone half a page from the last dude that tried to make this about me. I guess if you dispute any narrative in relationships, prepare to submit to whatever weird deviancy must make you see the situation differently from the consensus

What makes this thread interesting to me are all the different takes people have on these situations and the color they add. What I find weirdest are these posters that simultaneously sign up for message boards, log into threads, read them, then get really upset that there's content in them. Every single lively debate brings out these folks that just gotta comment on all these words and feels being thrown around. HOLY poo poo. This dude was blown away by something he never saw before - words on a forum.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:16

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

ravenkult posted:

Comments from the OP

Post more if there are some, curious how oblivious he was

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:16

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

ravenkult posted:

Comments from the OP

lol this is supposed to support this guy's side????

looking more and more like this dude just decided how their life was going to go and assumed her indifference was agreement

if she's not on the lease I think people owe rakthar (and this lady) an apology, lol

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:18

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Rakthar posted:

What I find weirdest are these posters that simultaneously sign up for message boards, log into threads, read them, then get really upset that there's content in them. Every single lively debate brings out these folks that just gotta comment on all these words and feels being thrown around. HOLY poo poo. This dude was blown away by something he never saw before - words on a forum.

I'll agree with this. Everyone who pops in to bitch about the "derails" is missing the point of this thread.

If you want the conversation to shift, post a newer and more interesting story. If you want the conversation to stop, well, gently caress you.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:19

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

WampaLord posted:

I'll agree with this. Everyone who pops in to bitch about the "derails" is missing the point of this thread.

If you want the conversation to shift, post a newer and more interesting story. If you want the conversation to stop, well, gently caress you.

Sometimes it's over insufferable dumb poo poo tho

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:20

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Blue Train posted:

Sometimes it's over insufferable dumb poo poo tho

That's what we do here

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:21

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

Blue Train posted:

Post more if there are some, curious how oblivious he was

It just gets sad, apparently she's on disability from her time in the Navy where she was sexually assaulted.

So yeah.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:21

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Rakthar posted:

What makes this thread interesting to me are all the different takes people have on these situations and the color they add. What I find weirdest are these posters that simultaneously sign up for message boards, log into threads, read them, then get really upset that there's content in them. Every single lively debate brings out these folks that just gotta comment on all these words and feels being thrown around. HOLY poo poo. This dude was blown away by something he never saw before - words on a forum.

A sound point. What makes this thread interesting to me is goons utterly self-owning by seeing things that aren't there. So, thank you!

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:21

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

ravenkult posted:

It just gets sad, apparently she's on disability from her time in the Navy where she was sexually assaulted.

So yeah.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:22

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

ravenkult posted:

It just gets sad, apparently she's on disability from her time in the Navy where she was sexually assaulted.

So yeah.

PTSD would probably explain why she didn't have the fortitude to deal with emotional confrontations with her boyfriend every time she wanted to have a shred of independence from him

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:23

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Mirthless posted:

lol this is supposed to support this guy's side????

looking more and more like this dude just decided how their life was going to go and assumed her indifference was agreement

if she's not on the lease I think people owe rakthar (and this lady) an apology, lol

Eh i mean I dunno about that, if he was financially supporting her and under the impression she would be living with him while she was secretly planning to bail then it's lovely whether or not she was on the lease. Like if I just let my gf book a plane ticket for me when I knew I'd break up with her before the trip it'd be a p big dick move even if I'm not legally responsible for the ticket or obligated to board the plane.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:24

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ravenkult posted:

It just gets sad, apparently she's on disability from her time in the Navy where she was sexually assaulted.

So yeah.

Well, that's a twist. I don't think anybody gets to claim this one.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:26

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

ArbitraryC posted:

Eh i mean I dunno about that, if he was financially supporting her and under the impression she would be living with him while she was secretly planning to bail then it's lovely whether or not she was on the lease. Like if I just let my gf book a plane ticket for me when I knew I'd break up with her before the trip it'd be a p big dick move.

If she has disability from the military he's more than likely not financially supporting her. You would be surprised at how well that pays out in comparison to non-military disability.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:26

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Blue Train posted:

Sometimes it's over insufferable dumb poo poo tho

it takes like six seconds to go into reddit and find something moderately ridiculous if reading the goon peanut gallery is making you cry

maybe thirty to find one juicy enough to derail whatever extended inventory of what kind of socks each goon personally prefers

My (21f) BF (21m) of six months who I thought I really loved said I looked like a "parading slut" when I work cheeky bikini bottoms at a resort pool. I can't give him a second chance, right?

quote:

We go to school in a city with lots and lots of hotel spa/resorts with nice pools. I won a free overnight stay in a charity auction so we decided to use Monday night since we didn't have class.

I decided to be a little more risqu� and wear my new cheeky butt bikini to the pool. I was a little nervous because it's basically a thong but I thought I looked pretty good. For the first hour or so I covered up when I walked around but then decided to go for it. I stood up basically with my rear end cheeks fully exposed and sort of looked over my shoulder as alluring as I could at him. He looked up and said "oh god you look like a parading slut." It was loud enough that the even though there weren't that many people there, a few heard it. I immediately laid back down on the chair and didn't say a single word to him until we checked out. He just looked at his phone. We checked out and he drove me to my apartment and I left in silence. We haven't spoken or texted since. The whole situation sucks. I don't usually talk to him from Tuesday-Thursday because he loads his classes to have Friday-Monday off so I don't know if this is normal or he's avoiding me.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:27

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

fruit on the bottom posted:

Well, that's a twist. I don't think anybody gets to claim this one.

Yeahh the whole thing got muddy and unpleasant with that factoid. I am ok with waiting for the next story.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:27

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

$1200/month was the amount stated.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:27

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

Oh she's living like a QUEEN!

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:29

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

$1200/month was the amount stated.

Probably partial disability, then. My brother is "100% disabled" by army standards and makes ~45k/yr without working a minute (and he can work on top of that.)

Just saying this so I don't sound like the kind of dude who thinks 1200 a month is rich livin'

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:31

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

here's one for Mirthless, ty for not being currently the worst ITT

Me [27F] with my ex-boss [44 M], known him for 6 years, now I want to ask him out

quote:

It's not like he's some sort of super nice, wise old saint. In reality, he's just this kinda really weird dude. He's kind of an rear end in a top hat, doesn't talk much, doesn't trust people, and is so straight to the point that people feel almost offended doing business with him. Never had kids, says he just isn't interested in them, never mentions his home life to us even though we know he's married. He doesn't even drink or smoke, just goes about his day tending to his business and his bunnies. (He has six bunnies that he treats better than most humans treat their kids.) He has a criminal record for being an eco-terrorist/rabid animal rights crusader when he was in college and doing some wild poo poo for the cause, like breaking and entering, vandalizing, etc.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:32

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

here's one for Mirthless, ty for not being currently the worst ITT

Me [27F] with my ex-boss [44 M], known him for 6 years, now I want to ask him out

I know we joke about people having the 'tism around here, but dude sounds like he has the 'tism.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:34

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

My [26f] roommate’s [25f] ex-military father [50’s M] is staying with us and he’s forcing me to go to church tomorrow (among other boundary crossing behavior).

u/crazydadguest

quote:

I’ve [26f] lived with my roommate Emma [25f] for two years. We’re both relatively quiet people and I have no complaints about our living situation. Over the last two years, we’ve both had guests stay in our apartment for a few days. It’s never been a problem. Because Emma is kind of a shy person, it’s just worked out that I’ve had more guests stay with us.

On Thursday, Emma mentioned that her father was going to be coming on Friday to visit for a week. It’s pretty short notice, but I guess her dad just sprung it on her at the last minute. I told her I was fine with it (partly because I’ve had more guests stay here so it didn’t seem fair to say no).

I knew Emma’s dad was ex-military and pretty conservative. I also knew Emma has had a hard time standing up to her dad in the past (given how shy she is). But I wasn’t quite prepared for what’s happened this weekend.

I had to stay late at work yesterday, and by the time I got home, Emma’s dad was already here. He had kind of taken charge of the apartment. He introduced himself to me and “laid down a few ground rules.” Ummm. I thought it was my apartment?

He started off with a very pompous “introduction.” I can’t do it justice, but it went something like this: “I live a disciplined life. It’s what I learned in the military, and it’s what got me to where I am today. Some people think I’m strict. I’m actually a fair person, but you have to earn my respect first.”

Apparently I had already done something to make him lose respect in me. I had a few bottles of wine, a bottle of port (which I use to cook!) and a bottle of tequila in the kitchen. He was very upset that I was creating an environment of “loose morals” around his daughter. So…. He had dumped all my alcohol down the drain and told me that I had to do a lot of work to gain back his respect.

Oh yeah, also he wakes up early, so it was unacceptable that I would come back into the apartment after 10:30 any night.

Honestly, I was just stunned that he would behave this way. I sat there dumbfounded because, while I wanted to tell him off, I didn’t want to cause any tension for Emma. I wanted to act in a way that was respectful to Emma, but I was so confused in the moment, that I just blanked and kind of meekly said it was nice to meet him.

My boyfriend stopped by about an hour later with some dinner for me. We ate it in my room because Emma and her dad were in the living room/dining room area and I didn’t feel comfortable being around him.

My bf and I spent a couple hours watching Netflix, then he decided to get ready for bed (he has a toothbrush and some other stuff in our bathroom since he stays over a lot). That’s when I heard the yelling start.

Emma’s dad saw my bf getting ready for bed and was NOT ok with a guy spending the night in my room. I stepped into the hallway and Emma’s dad was right in front of my bf’s face yelling. I tried to intervene, but he just started yelling at me that I was a “disgrace” and had no moral character.

Emma came up to us and started crying and begging her dad to stop, but he ordered her into her room (she obeyed).

Emma’s dad kept yelling at my bf and my bf finally just said he would go home to keep the peace. (He lives with his parents at the moment. His parents ok with my bf spending the night with me, but the ground rules are that I can’t sleep over there, which I respect. Otherwise I would have gone with him).

So I went to bed crying. I got up early, did some laundry, hung my things up to dry and left to spend the day with my bf. I got back a few hours ago and Emma’s dad needed to have another conversation with me.

Apparently the dresses I had hung up to dry in the corner of our living room were inappropriate (too short, not “modest”). He went into a long talk. Again, I can’t do it justice but it went something like this: “Your lifestyle is, frankly disappointing. Normally it wouldn’t be any of my business that you degrade yourself, but when you live with my daughter and surround her with filth, it becomes my business.” Then he said while he’s here that his rules were going to apply, and that meant: lights out at 10:30, I need to dress “modestly,” my bf is not allowed to come over at all, and I’m not allowed to see him after dinner time (what??).

Also, tomorrow is Sunday, and Sunday means I have to go to church with him and Emma. During all of this, I’m still just dumbfounded. I feel terrible for Emma, and I still didn’t want to say anything that would make her life more difficult. But I told him that I wasn’t comfortable going to church with them, and he said basically that my life would become very difficult if I didn’t follow these rules.

So. I decided to go to my room for the rest of the night and just not engage any further with him. At 10:30 he pounded on my door and said “lights out.” I didn’t want any more trouble, so I complied, and now I can’t sleep so I’m looking for advice on reddit.

Basically, I failed to establish proper boundaries yesterday (because I didn’t want to make things difficult for Emma) and now he feels like he can walk all over me. I don’t want to go to church tomorrow. How can I hold this line? How can I survive the rest of this week?

Tl;dr: My roommate’s ex military father is visiting for a week, and he’s running our apartment like its his house. He kicked my bf out, got rid of my booze, and now I have to go to church tomorrow with them. Help me establish proper boundaries.

Edit I want to thank everyone for the advice, but can you guys please give me solutions that don't involve calling the police. I'll obviously do that if my safety is in danger, but short of that, I don't want to involve the police. Emma is a shy person, and this would absolutely mortify her. I know this experience can be an example to show her how to establish boundaries with her father, but if I go right to the police, it will become far more of a nightmare than it needs to be.

Morning Edit Ok, I woke up this morning to a lot of comments. Not many of them are actually very helpful. It seems like most people here are just egging me on so they can get a big confrontation between me and Emma's dad. Everyone pushing me to get Emma's dad to freak out to the point that I need to call the police doesn't really care about the situation. I value my friendship with Emma, and I want to solve this without pushing it to a place that needs the police. Emma's my friend, and I don't want to humiliate her. I also don't like confrontation. It's just my personality. Why can't people give me advice that will play to my personal strengths instead of pushing me to do things that I'm not comfortable with? When I play to my strengths, I'm more confident.

As for this morning, I just didn't want a giant fight. I waited until I heard Emma's dad get in the bathroom, then I left the apartment and drove around for a while until my bf woke up. He took me out for breakfast, and we're going to spend the day together. So no, I'm not going to church.

Afternoon edit: I want to really thank those people who are providing constructive advice. You guys are really helping me think through this. There's lots of other people who are just kind of freaking out in the comments. This isn't very helpful :/ I know I'm not approaching this the way you want me to, but this is a serious situation for me. I get the feeling my situation is just entertainment for a lot of you.

There have been a few developments. I've been hanging out with my bf. His parents offered to let me sleep on their couch. I'm definitely going to take them up on the offer later in the week. The problem is Monday/Tuesday. I have very important meetings early at work. His parents live far away from my office, and I don't function well when I have to get up exceptionally early. So I might go back to sleep in my apartment tonight and tomorrow night, but I might decide it's not worth it.

The bigger development is that Emma's dad sent me a couple of text messages from her phone this afternoon. They weren't threatening or anything, but he basically called me a coward for sneaking out and said that I was behaving like a disrespectful teenager. He went on about how respect is earned, and that he's lost all respect in me. And that the issue has now moved beyond his opinion of me, because I've personally disrespected and offended him. The texts are just more ridiculous blustering. So far I just haven't responded.

going to church is like tenth on the list of problems here

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:34

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

here's one for Mirthless, ty for not being currently the worst ITT

Me [27F] with my ex-boss [44 M], known him for 6 years, now I want to ask him out

go for it girl you're old enough to know what you want

i'd want to nail this dude too, he sounds hot

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:35

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Fullhouse posted:

My [26f] roommate’s [25f] ex-military father [50’s M] is staying with us and he’s forcing me to go to church tomorrow (among other boundary crossing behavior).

u/crazydadguest

going to church is like tenth on the list of problems here

loving holy poo poo.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:37

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Fullhouse posted:

My [26f] roommate’s [25f] ex-military father [50’s M] is staying with us and he’s forcing me to go to church tomorrow (among other boundary crossing behavior).

u/crazydadguest

going to church is like tenth on the list of problems here

Oh good a cartoonishly evil person we can all bond over hating together

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:38

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Fullhouse posted:

My [26f] roommate’s [25f] ex-military father [50’s M] is staying with us and he’s forcing me to go to church tomorrow (among other boundary crossing behavior).

u/crazydadguest

going to church is like tenth on the list of problems here

oh my god

This is like "get a loving restraining order" scary to me, is that an overreaction?

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:39

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Oh good a cartoonishly evil person we can all bond over hating together

I dare anyone to find the goon willing to die on a hill defending a guy pouring out perfectly good liquor, because there is no such goon

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:42

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Fullhouse posted:

My [26f] roommate’s [25f] ex-military father [50’s M] is staying with us and he’s forcing me to go to church tomorrow (among other boundary crossing behavior).

u/crazydadguest

going to church is like tenth on the list of problems here

This made me mad enough to track down the post. There was an update that she deleted because her boyfriend was scared. I really want to know but I guess unreddit didn't get to it in time.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:42

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

The boyfriend should've told the dad to gently caress off and called the police. That's just complete insanity.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:42

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

lol she's spineless

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:43

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Mirthless posted:

oh my god

This is like "get a loving restraining order" scary to me, is that an overreaction?

not really, it's a little unnecessary in that that's a lot of paperwork when she can just kick him out of her house right the gently caress now and watch him freak out and punch a cop or something, but both of these solutions are unrealistic in that they involve a r/relationships OP standing up for themselves in any way

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 21:45 on Apr 12, 2017

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:43

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

This made me mad enough to track down the post. There was an update that she deleted because her boyfriend was scared. I really want to know but I guess unreddit didn't get to it in time.

yeah i wish we knew what was in that update.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:44

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

I really hope that's fake because it's triggering me so hard.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:45

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Mirthless posted:

This is like "get a loving restraining order" scary to me, is that an overreaction?

yes, because the dude is a textbook abuser but it's only a temporary situation. if OP was willing to stand up for herself she'd ask crazy dad to leave, and call the police when he refuses. he's not on the lease, he has no right to be there, and the police can sort it all out. it would tank the OP's relationship with her roommate but i'd start to have second thoughts about a friendship if that person was going to start getting their absurdly abusive father involved in my domestic life

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:45

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

ravenkult posted:

lol she's spineless

Ehhhhhhh...I'm not going to berate a girl for not triggering a confrontation with a crazy man. Emotional abuse is one smart rear end response from physical abuse.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:46

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Military dad is a real champ. I feel like the shy roommate has some responsibility for not giving a heads up as to what a piece of crap he was.

Look I get if you don't want to stand up to your dad. But maybe it's relevant to mention what he's cool with as part of the whole "And he wants to come by for a few days" pitch.

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:47

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

There's stuff in the comments that tell some of the story.

''I didn't explain this clearly enough in the original post (but I updated it to try and make it more clear).
We are on separate leases for the apartment (one for each room). With your lease you can either transfer it to another person (which takes your name off the lease) or sublet it for a period of time (which keeps your name on it). Emma transferred her lease to her father. He's subletting it back to her.''

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:48

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

boner confessor posted:

yes, because the dude is a textbook abuser but it's only a temporary situation. if OP was willing to stand up for herself she'd ask crazy dad to leave, and call the police when he refuses. he's not on the lease, he has no right to be there, and the police can sort it all out. it would tank the OP's relationship with her roommate but i'd start to have second thoughts about a friendship if that person was going to start getting their absurdly abusive father involved in my domestic life

something like that ended up happening but they deleted it for some reason and then promised an update and never did so.

what is it with reddit posters and never following up on poo poo

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:48

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Holy gently caress that guy is a piece of poo poo

quote:

I value my friendship with Emma, and I want to solve this without pushing it to a place that needs the police. Emma's my friend, and I don't want to humiliate her. I also don't like confrontation. It's just my personality. Why can't people give me advice that will play to my personal strengths instead of pushing me to do things that I'm not comfortable with? When I play to my strengths, I'm more confident.

BECAUSE THAT IS THE CORRECT COURSE OF ACTION

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:49

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 15:32

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Ehhhhhhh...I'm not going to berate a girl for not triggering a confrontation with a crazy man. Emotional abuse is one smart rear end response from physical abuse.

it's totally understandable that she got steamrolled right out the gate and doesn't want to engage that dude directly but it's a day/days later and she doesn't have to interact with him ever again to remove him from the picture, she's the one in the house who didn't grow up getting trained to suck up whatever daddy dishes out and at some point you kind of need to be willing to act in your own interest if you don't want the rest of your life to be decided by whatever rear end in a top hat is willing to be aggressive and proactive

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 21:53 on Apr 12, 2017

# ? Apr 12, 2017 21:49

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