/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

ArbitraryC posted:

this level of nuance is perhaps impossible with this thread. You either agree with her actions or you disagree, there's no "more than one party was wrong" to be found

asking someone to say grace isn't even wrong. it's an entirely polite request from their perspective. nobody's trying to trick you into becoming a christian. it's the same as offering meat to a vegan, or bread to a celiac, or salt to a goon

# ? Apr 13, 2017 04:18

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# ? May 16, 2024 12:37

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I was half-considering leaving off the grace story for mostly being generic "heh, invisible sky wizard :smug:

" stuff, but leave it to goons to make it a heated debate somehow.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 04:22

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

boner confessor posted:

asking someone to say grace isn't even wrong. it's an entirely polite request from their perspective. nobody's trying to trick you into becoming a christian. it's the same as offering meat to a vegan, or bread to a celiac, or salt to a goon

Once you say the words that's it, game over. It's how they get you

# ? Apr 13, 2017 04:27

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Just add "hail Satan" at the end, it's all good.

quote:

My (23/F) best work friend (23/F) is planning to give the office bully (30/F) sugar free gummy bears the day before her wedding. This seems like a bad idea.
Non-Romantic
submitted 2 hours ago by anonymousbent
Hey guys! Thanks in advance for your advice mostly because I think this is a BAD BAD idea.
So my bestie, Katie, and I met through work. We started on the same day and became instant friends. All wasn't sunshine and roses though as we had to deal with the office asswipe, Leah, on a daily basis. Leah has treated both of us like poo poo for the past two years by talking down to us, referring to us in nasty and rude terms, refusing to return our greetings, trash talking us to the guys and spreading vicious office gossip, and just being a general pain in the rear end. We both hate her. She's like Regina George x10.
Katie has a waaay worse relationship with Leah than I do mostly because she dated Leah's ex. Leah has called Katie fat to her face, showed her Facebook pics to other girls in the office so they could make fun of Katie's looks and weight, and made nasty comments about the things she eats and clothes she wears. I feel for Katie because Leah's honestly tormented her.
Anyway, so Leah finally found someone desperate enough to marry her and has been talking about the wedding and showing her ring to anyone that'll listen. Katie recently found out about the pretty horrific effects sugar free gummy bears have on people....think explosive diarrhea for DAYS. Katie knows that there's nothing Leah loves more than a good rear end kissing, so she's come up with a plan to package the gummies in an expensive box from a fancy candy store and give them to her the day before her wedding. Leah, being a tyrant and a lover of all things that are sweets, will likely inhale the entire bag and likely need Depends on her wedding day.
I know this sounds like total justice porn considering how badly she's treated Katie but I think it's a horrible idea. For one, Katie's researched the effect of sugar free gummies on our work computers. Plausible deniability has flown out the window as a result. Two, Leah's dad is a member of the executive management team. Three, I really don't want her to get fired.
Leah's wedding is in a week. Do I stop her and interfere or just let Katie do Katie? She's become a woman possessed and any pointers on how to talk sense into her are appreciated (ideally, I'd stop her).
tl;dr: Bestie is planning to give the office brat what's basically an explosive laxative the day before her wedding. I need to talk her out of it.
41 commentsshare

I really think this is a great idea, and they should film it.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 04:37 on Apr 13, 2017

# ? Apr 13, 2017 04:30

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

If you love sweets you prolly won't eat a bag of sugar free candy, and the person who posted that is insufferable

# ? Apr 13, 2017 04:46

Thots and Prayers: Jul 13, 2006; A is the for the atrocious abominated acts that YOu committed. A is also for ass-i-nine, eight, seven, and six.

B, b, b - b is for your belligerent, bitchy, bottomless state of affairs, but why?

C is for the cantankerous condition of our character, you have no cut-out.; Grimey Drawer

I hope that this cattiness eventually spills over into hair pulling on the office floor and someone swinging a high heel at someone else.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 04:52

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Barudak posted:

As the door finally swings free you find that behind it, there is nothing but a bare brick wall. "It leads nowhere," shes says, suddenly behind you, "just like a relationship without trust"

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Just add "hail Satan" at the end, it's all good.

I really think this is a great idea, and they should film it.

OP is just jealous that Katie has so much better ideas than her

this one's just got some fun bad taste brinksmanship going on
[30m] My girlfriend [28f] is overdoing it with tattoos and they are BAD. How do I have an intervention with her without coming off as controlling or judgmental?

quote:

The worst one is just some woman's face on her back for no loving reason. And it's BIG. Who the gently caress gets that?

quote:

I had a best friend for 10 years who ended up getting one horrible tattoo after another. Little did she know I hate tattoos, but I was happy she was happy. Here are some examples:
A clown holding a severed head, facing away from you, squatting and taking a dump, in dayglo colors
4 different colored squares... they were suppose to be symmetrical.. they were not and the coloring was awful.
A heart with a snake coming out of it like it was a rotten apple... because she had a rotten soul... which was odd since she was so bubbly and positive, but I digress.
And a handful of odd things that were inside jokes she came up with with random people while she was super drunk.

quote:

Her entire side is a skull surrounded by tribal bullshit and roses with thorns.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 05:34 on Apr 13, 2017

# ? Apr 13, 2017 05:10

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

I don't know, I mean I'd introduce her to an awesome tattooist but that's just me.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 06:02

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

boner confessor posted:

asking someone to say grace isn't even wrong. it's an entirely polite request from their perspective. nobody's trying to trick you into becoming a christian. it's the same as offering meat to a vegan, or bread to a celiac, or salt to a goon

it really isn't

# ? Apr 13, 2017 06:09

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Haifisch posted:

My (27m) girlfriend (26F) of 5 months has become "spiritual" after taking drugs and I'm staunchly atheist.

This guy single-handedly proves that it is possible to be a joyless, closed-minded, stuffy turd without religion.

(and I mean the "BUT SHE MEDITATES :qq:

" part more than the drug stuff)

# ? Apr 13, 2017 06:12

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

ArbitraryC posted:

it really isn't

The idea of it being a passive aggressive attempt to push out the girlfriend keeps slipping out of my grasp. If it was, the double barrel response is appropriate. Like maybe there was a running battle of cattiness between the girlfriend and his mom the whole night. "She's not good enough for my little boy" isn't a new concept but I'm writing fanfiction at this point.

I'm okay with this being a game we're playing itt

# ? Apr 13, 2017 06:57

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Elsa posted:

The idea of it being a passive aggressive attempt to push out the girlfriend keeps slipping out of my grasp. If it was, the double barrel response is appropriate. Like maybe there was a running battle of cattiness between the girlfriend and his mom the whole night. "She's not good enough for my little boy" isn't a new concept but I'm writing fanfiction at this point.

I'm okay with this being a game we're playing itt

its not passive aggressive at all unless you're the kind of person to sit there silently fuming if someone assumes you do plebian things like watch sports or network television like 70% of america does

"oh what a nice picture of you two we can put it on the apple cloud!"
*internally screaming has this yokel never HEARD of android???*

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:04

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

boner confessor posted:

its not passive aggressive at all unless you're the kind of person to sit there silently fuming if someone assumes you do plebian things like watch sports or network television like 70% of america does

It makes sense if the mother disliked the girlfriend and knew she was atheist because the son mentioned it some point during the relationship.

Either way I'm leaning toward the girlfriend's corner because that response was loving awesome. That atom bomb at the dinner table

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:05

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Elsa posted:

It makes sense if the mother disliked the girlfriend and knew she was atheist because the son mentioned it some point during the relationship.

if church mom dislikes the girlfriend and the worst punch she throws is asking gf to say grace, and gf blurts out some r/atheism poo poo, then drat

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:07

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

maybe it IS a fairy tale you don't know

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:07

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Elsa posted:

Either way I'm leaning toward the girlfriend's corner because that response was loving awesome. That atom bomb at the dinner table

That's true. I'm still playing it as some kind of hosed up advice councillor and what's the point.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:07

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

boner confessor c'mon debate me. Prove god exists and the girlfriend is wrong for her comment

boom ultimate burden of proof I win

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:12

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Finally, a pointless way to end your relationship that I empathize with.

GBS has had its fair share of "what's in the safe" threads. People get super obsessed with fantasizing about the contents.

This is kind of like that. Except, the person closest you knows and is hiding it instead. It's real weird. Especially because he's moving in. If it was like his new gf or something then it's none of your drat business I suppose.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:49

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I'd just be like stay the gently caress outta there, and it's just sentimental reminders of my highschool yaoi collection. you didn't know, you don't wanna know.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:53

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

boner confessor posted:

its not passive aggressive at all unless you're the kind of person to sit there silently fuming if someone assumes you do plebian things like watch sports or network television like 70% of america does

I think this sorta betrays your bias here

# ? Apr 13, 2017 07:55

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Pick posted:

yaoi

I just googled that and found it very unpleasant.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 08:18

VideoGames: Aug 18, 2003

I find myself lost at not knowing what is behind the door.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 09:19

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

ArbitraryC posted:

this level of nuance is perhaps impossible with this thread. You either agree with her actions or you disagree, there's no "more than one party was wrong" to be found

Yeah, that's it. We're just not enlightened enough to "get" your posts. That must be the problem.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 09:20

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

ArbitraryC posted:

this level of nuance is perhaps impossible with this thread. You either agree with her actions or you disagree, there's no "more than one party was wrong" to be found

Nuance is a smug assholes crutch.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 09:22

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

CharlestheHammer posted:

Nuance is a smug assholes crutch.

stop just pick an unusual opinion and defend it, it's not that difficult to get

# ? Apr 13, 2017 09:55

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

I'd move in and try to get her to spill the beans. If that doesn't work, lock pick that poo poo.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 10:04

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Psycho Society posted:

I'd move in and try to get her to spill the beans. If that doesn't work, lock pick that poo poo.

It'd keep me awake at nights wondering. I'd love a mission like that to pick the door.

Pick pick pick click
An entire room full of sexual trophies and / or bees.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 10:32 on Apr 13, 2017

# ? Apr 13, 2017 10:12

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Inspection cameras are cheap and really cool:

# ? Apr 13, 2017 12:15

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Gorilla Salad posted:

Inspection cameras are cheap and really cool:

Whoa that's badass. I can't imagine the havoc i would have wreaked with one of those as a kid

# ? Apr 13, 2017 12:17

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Girlfriend [23f] wants extreme space after ever little right with me [24m]

quote:

So, any time me or my girlfriend fight she is basically incapable of talking to me about during any disagreement/fight we have. I want to try to see exactly what happened that pissed her off or hurt her but she just wants to shut down and go in the other room and have me leave her alone until she calms down or now it's escalated to her wanting to leave (or more ideally) me to leave our apartment because of the stupidest poo poo because she says she can't get unmad at me anymore if I'm anywhere near her.

Now, giving her space wouldn't be an issue for me if it was for big fights and whatever, but its basically multiple times a week where she gets offended enough to where she needs it. One of our more recent fights was while playing kingdom hearts (this is not a troll post just stay with me) when you see Cinderella her hair is black. This is what followed

Her: that's weird her hair is blonde

Me: hmm yeah I haven't seen the movie I'm not sure are you sure? I don't know why they'd mess it up I pick up my phone and look up why it's black here if it's blonde

I find some random pic from a movie cap where it's darkl brown and I just say hmm weird maybe it's different depending on the version?

She gets kind of pissed off at this point and says something to the effect of no I've read the brothers Grimm books they describe it and blonde in there that's the whole reason her sisters make fun of her

I see where this is going and try to end it, just saying yeah that's weird idk why they would make that mistake dinsey is associated with this game I'm pretty sure

She is still mad, grabs her phone to start posting on Facebook "so settle a debate what color hair does Cinderella have" I tell her to stop, she keeps typing, I continue to say stop she keeps going and then I yell loving stop posting that to Facebook it's not a big deal and then she posts it.

I get furious at this point and she goes to take a shower. After she gets out I ask her why the gently caress does she have to do stuff like that and she starts yelling at me about how I always have to be right I can never admit I'm wrong and the fight goes on forever with me trying to tell her no she's right her hair is supposed to be blonde I don't know why it would be like that maybe they did something like the dark brown hair movie cap I saw and she just won't accept that or my apology(which I'm not even sure I should have given, I don't think I did anything wrong?

So basically, I told her that when she gets mad at me I would leave the apartment and just stay at my grandma's house the rest of the night(i work midnights, grandma lives 5 minutes away) and do homework or something because I'm not going to waste my time sitting in the car or something waiting for her to call me when she's calmed down. She got kind of hurt by this and didn't understand why I would stay gone the rest of the night.

This is an extreme red flag right? Like what the gently caress? Needing me to leave her alone completely for every little fight? Should I do what I said and leave the apartment for the night and show her how much it sucks on my end or is that just immature?
I'm at a loss and I don't even know what to do. I've told her this bothers me she can't talk and she says that sometimes she needs to he alone to think if something actually should bother her or if she's over reacting(spoiler alert...)

tldr my girlfriend shuts me out whenever we fight until she feels like she's ready to forget about it or talk

Another case of "please stay together so no one else has to deal with either of you"

# ? Apr 13, 2017 12:24

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Danaru posted:

Girlfriend [23f] wants extreme space after ever little right with me [24m]

Another case of "please stay together so no one else has to deal with either of you"

Jesus gently caress, this fight started over a disagreement of a fictional character's hair color.

:psyduck:

# ? Apr 13, 2017 12:26

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Dude writes like he's 15 at most. ESL maybe?

# ? Apr 13, 2017 12:31

Gerblyn: Apr 4, 2007; "TO BATTLE!"; Fun Shoe

WampaLord posted:

Jesus gently caress, this fight started over a disagreement of a fictional character's hair color.

It's doubly weird, since they're wrong. Cindarella's hair in KH is pretty much identical to her hair in the movie. When you make a game with a Disney license they send all these charts and sheets and things to guarantee that every character you include is canon, with the correct colours, costumes and proportions and things. They're really protective about it too, messing up Cindarella's hair colour would never fly.

Movie:

Kingdom Hearts:

# ? Apr 13, 2017 12:54

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

I wish we had a dancing :spergin:

smilie

I [34/f] turned to my husband [34/m] for support after some bad news. He pointed out a blemish on my face in response. Is this a big enough straw to break the camel's back? Relationships

quote:

submitted 1 year ago by RenaeElaine
Throwaway because he knows my username.

We have been through a lot together. We met in college nearly fifteen years ago, were long distance for a little while after graduation, then we moved overseas together and back again. We now own a house, have some pets, are both gainfully employed, and have a wonderful time together. We're great together when times are good. We've been married for seven years.

The problem is that he is a really awful communicator while I am very open with how I'm feeling. I wear my heart on my sleeve, while he could keep what he's feeling inside indefinitely. This has always been hard to reconcile, but our problems really started about two years ago when we started talking about the subject of having children. I had serious doubts about my capacity for motherhood, but he wanted to be a father. When I would talk to him about my reservations or fears, he would usually just shut down and say "Let's not have kids, then." He would never be on board for a deep discussion. I decided my fears weren't enough to be a deal breaker, so we went ahead and started trying. We have had three miscarriages since then. The stress of first trying to conceive and then losing our pregnancies was immense. I turned to him countless times for support, and countless times I came away feeling like he was going through the motions, but there was nothing real behind them. I know it can be hard for some to grasp the pain of losing a pregnancy, but as my partner I feel there was a serious lack of genuine sympathy when I was struggling and in pain. He would hug me, hold me, do everything that would make it look like he was by my side in this, but never seemed to really listen when I talked about it or converse about it with any depth.

This year has been hard for me. It started out promising: I was pregnant again and I was up for a promotion at work. I lost the pregnancy in the middle of January, and even though all signs pointed to the promotion working out, the position was eliminated after I had gone through three rounds of interviews to get it. I found out the position was eliminated officially yesterday.
When he got home from work, I asked him for a hug. Instead, he started examining the skin around my mouth. He said "Do you have mouth herpes or something?" I have been breaking out in that area since the last miscarriage: it's a hormonal trouble spot for acne for me, and no matter what I do, nothing stops it right after a miscarriage. My hormones are just out of whack for a couple of months.

So not only was I turned down for comfort after a long couple of months trying to get this promotion and finding out it wasn't going to happen, but he pointed out a flaw on my face that happens to be a lasting side effect of another devastating loss. At first I was angry, demanded an apology, and gave him the cold shoulder after he gave me an insincere one. Then I let go of the anger and just felt so sad. Just incredibly, hopelessly sad. I cried all night long. He finally came to me and said he was sorry in a sincere way, and we hugged for a long time. But I couldn't talk to him, I just couldn't put myself in the position of telling him what I was going through and not really knowing he was there for me.

After he left for work this morning, he called me and said he realizes that he needs to work on his communication and he's going to try harder. He also said he wants to take a trip for our fifteen year dating anniversary later this year, something I have been talking about for almost a year now, but that he never seemed interested in until now. I am left feeling like this is all just too little, too late.

I suggested marriage counseling about a year ago when I felt a major disconnect between us after our first two losses. He said he would go, but I never followed up and looked for a counselor. Now I feel like maybe it's just too late. I feel like my trust in him is shattered.

Is this something we can fix in counseling? Will his communication ever improve? Can I get over these feelings of bitterness?

TL;DR - husband of seven years and I don't communicate well despite my efforts. He broke my trust and is crawling back - can his communication really actually improve or is this just what he's like?

In the update, he learns to use his words, yaaaaaay

quote:

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on my original post earlier this year!

We got into counseling not too long after that post and have been continuing every week ever since. We just had a session yesterday. Our counselor is wonderful, she really understands the situation and has identified the struggle my husband faces when confronted with an uncomfortable topic, like our losses, stress at work, the decision to have children or not, and more.

We have spent quite a long time discussing my husband's upbringing. His family isn't really big on communicating, and there are many problems that he and his siblings have had over the years (and continue to this day) that were never addressed and never resolved. In session he talked about how he felt his emotional needs were never really met growing up, but that he didn't realize it until now. It made me really sad for him. We had his parents over a few weeks ago and as usual, the conversation remained really superficial and never delved into anything very substantial. I have tried to share with them about our life and our losses before, but there's never been any sign of interest from them in connecting with us in that way, even though his mother is one of the only people I know in my life who has suffered a loss as well. We spent the next week's session processing their visit, and unfortunately my husband felt a lot of anger and frustration that he wasn't able to talk to them about the important stuff.

However, in our relationship things have completely transformed. We argue so much less, and he is completely present and there for me when I need his support. The topic of having children has come back up, and we are still figuring that out, but we can really talk about it and be open and honest with each other without fear and with respect and open arms for each other. He has repeatedly said that he's really happy we got into therapy and that he feels great about the state of our relationship. I'm almost happy we've gone through such hard times so that we were able to hit rock bottom and get to this wonderful place.

So, thank you to everyone for your kindness and generosity in following our journey.

TL;DR: Poor communicator husband and I started therapy and now our relationship has completely transformed. Thank you to everyone!

Bubblyblubber fucked around with this message at 13:03 on Apr 13, 2017

# ? Apr 13, 2017 13:01

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Just add "hail Satan" at the end, it's all good.

I really think this is a great idea, and they should film it.

Is this what american workplaces are like? Basically like kindergarden school? I can literally not even imagine people in my workplace loving showing pics of other people and making fun of their weight

there is no office bully here

jesus gently caress you guys are weird

# ? Apr 13, 2017 13:35

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

ArbitraryC posted:

it really isn't

I had an evangelical tell me I was going to hell so many times, for such a long period of time that religious discussions could literally send me into a panic attack for a number of years and somehow I still get less offended than you over somebody asking me to say grace

in a huge part of the country it's cultural tradition, lip service to god more than anything, and if you get militant about having to participate in it and are rude to the people who asked, maybe you're just being an rear end in a top hat for no reason? seriously though this poo poo is ubiquitous in the south and in the bible belt. I married into a religious family and despite my atheism I can somehow make it through a dinner without insulting their faith beyond the emptiness of my participation in prayer

BTW the whole point of grace is saying what you're thankful for and it doesn't even have to have a religious context. I've bumbled through plenty of pre-dinner handfolds without having to drop a single empty "Lord' or "God" or "JEE-ZUS" and have yet to be called out as a heathen. They didn't ask her to start reading psalms dude. If your contempt towards other people's religious beliefs is so strong that you can't be in proximity to it that's a problem with you, not a problem with the religious people, lol.

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 13:50 on Apr 13, 2017

# ? Apr 13, 2017 13:39

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

All she needed to do was say "I'm not comfortable with saying grace right now" or the like. She had absolutely zero reason to denigrate their religious beliefs.

Its 100% okay to denigrate Catholics because they're part of the lunar plot to unseat the moral authority of Christ.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 13:44

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

God made feet, let's eat.

Simple and to the point.

# ? Apr 13, 2017 14:03

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Mirthless posted:

A huge dumbass post arguing against something no one said

# ? Apr 13, 2017 14:06

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# ? May 16, 2024 12:37

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

we dont do prayers at dinner in this country because we're not medieval loving villagers or whatever

jeez

you seriously sit down and pray to god at dinner every time??

# ? Apr 13, 2017 14:08

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