Charles Get-Out posted:

I [M19] have no idea what to do about the really strange situation I have with my ex/friend [F19]


I would want to see an affadavit from the doctor about the diagnosis at least

zakharov posted:

Me: Americans are such prudes about sex

Also me: American culture is depraved and obsessed with sex.

Gloryhold It! posted:

These are both true statements

quote:

I live on my own, pay all my bills, and am currently in the last year of law school (with a scholarship). Despite all that, I am endlessly told by my siblings that I am not an "adult". Both my sisters are married and endlessly say that I am immature because I very consciously don't have a girlfriend or a car. (I use public transportation all the time and have never asked them for a ride)

Despite my best efforts over the past year, I'm getting increasingly frustrated by their lovely treatment of me. I keep reaching out to get dead silence. They will only talk to intermediaries like our parents. Any time they are forced to talk to me, I am told I am unreasonable for "acting like I am independent". At this point, should I keep trying or give up? Is it unrealistic to hope that they will consider me an adult in the near future?

quote:

Together off and on for 8 years. We We're huge potheads I got sober after the split. I became severely depressed and ended up in a hospital on a 5150 hold for 4 days. She started hooking up with her coke dealer who is her former best friends ex fiance. He has sent me many threatening text messages about how she left me because im dumb and have a small dick. I tried to find him and fight but i thought fighting a crack head would be a loosing battle. She said she just wants to be single too fml.
I got out of the hospital into a partial hospitalization program for 2 weeks until i quit they put me on so many meds. I quit all the meds and therapy and started going to the gym and seeing a new girl but none of this helps. I still think about killing my self. I think about my wife every second. i dream about her every night.
My wife and i have gotten violent with each other. I barely remember her cuz i was so messed up on weed alcohol vape. weed gave me a temper i realized that now after being sober.
when she wanted space i went to the doctor for my depression and anxiety. So they prescribed Lexapro and some benzos before the hospital stay. I snuck into her house and crawled into bed with her bed all hosed up off too much benzos.
I bought us a house on a lake 3 hours from where we live. I took care of her payed our rent cooked dinner every night. bought groceries ect....
What do I do next? i still dont feel better. I tried church, doctors,gym, friends, new girls, new guys, my dog died on top of all this. Im about to loose my job. help!
tl;dr wife left because i was against cocaine.abused eachother. now im lost. what to do now?

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

not even controversial really

Siblings (35f, 33f) won't talk to me until I am an "adult" (26m)

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Siblings (35f, 33f) won't talk to me until I am an "adult" (26m)

Charles Get-Out posted:

Me [29M] with my wife[29 F] of 3 years, left me on xmas after me getting tired of her cocaine use.
submitted 23 days ago by Adreamdead

quote:

tl;dr wife left because i was against cocaine.abused eachother. now im lost. what to do now?

Elsa posted:

I am going to smash your father's dick with my pussy hammer. What did you want in your lunch tomorrow?

zakharov posted:

Me: Americans are such prudes about sex

Also me: American culture is depraved and obsessed with sex.

Charles Get-Out posted:

Me [29M] with my wife[29 F] of 3 years, left me on xmas after me getting tired of her cocaine use.
submitted 23 days ago by Adreamdead

Charles Get-Out posted:

Me [29M] with my wife[29 F] of 3 years, left me on xmas after me getting tired of her cocaine use.
submitted 23 days ago by Adreamdead

quote:

 I got out of the hospital into a partial hospitalization program for 2 weeks until i quit they put me on so many meds. I quit all the meds and therapy and started going to the gym and seeing a new girl but none of this helps.

Tiny Deer posted:

She's just dreaming of a white Christmas.

Also I'm loving sorry did this guy just say he snuck into his wife's place all hosed up on benzos and crawled into her bed?

Psycho Society posted:

Learning how to write would be a good start

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Siblings (35f, 33f) won't talk to me until I am an "adult" (26m)

Tiny Deer posted:

That's okay, that means there will be no AWFUL daughter in law suggesting that brother go to a home just because the parents are no longer physically capable of keeping him from getting bedsores anymore. Win/win for the parents.

Pick posted:

That is a sad and very legitimate detail, that usually a family member really cannot give better care than a professional. A lot of times, people mean well by doing this, but they don't really know what they're doing

quote:

UPDATE at the end
Reddit, guys, I really need some advice here.
Background:
My parents got divorced when I was 10, and while they got along at first, my dad got remarried and they couldn't agree on anything after that. They fought for custody of my brother [17 M] and I, and since I was the oldest I was constantly put in the middle. I went a long time thinking my dad was a terrible person for all the things my mom told me he did, and I hated him for a while.
My senior year of highschool, I found out my mom was pretending to be me on my Facebook account, talking to a woman who had taken my senior pictures for my dad and telling her I didn't like them, didn't have fun taking them and didn't want to be tagged in them (because she only wanted Facebook to see the pictures she had taken, not my dad's). This woman was pretty hurt and had no idea it wasn't actually me saying these things. I immediately texted her and told her that was a hosed up thing to do, and changed my password since she violated my privacy and pretended to be me. She reacted by taking all of my money out of my bank account for a made up debt I now suddenly owed her, and I went home, packed up all my stuff, and moved to my dad's.
This made me spiral into a depression, because I had realized i'd spent most of my life thinking my dad was awful and my mom never did anything wrong and didn't deserve any of it, but after that I realized she was pretty messed up too, and I didn't know who to believe anymore. I couldn't wait to turn 18 and move away so I wouldn't be a part of their drama anymore, and could love them both from a distance.
Fast forward to now, I now live 1,000 miles away from my parents. I decided to forgive all past transgressions on both sides so I could have good relationships with them both, separate from each other, and my mom never understood this despite my trying to explain it. My mom would continue to try and tell me things my dad did to hurt her and my brother, and I've told her several times that I have zero interest in anything that goes on between them and not to talk to me about it. As far as i'm concerned, when i'm talking to my mom, my dad doesn't exist, and vice versa. (It's important to note that not once has my dad ever told me anything my mom had done, and doesn't mention her, ever.)
Current Situation:
My dad is finally able to come and visit me next week for the first time since moving here 2.5 years ago. During the time he'll be here, my brother will be turning 18. The plan was for my dad, brother, and step mom to all come visit for a couple days. I didn't mention it to my mom because I figured she already knew and there was no reason for me to mention it to her anyway.
Yesterday I got a text from my mom that read:
"So, not one soul told me about this trip to (state) for (brother's) birthday. Not only did I have no idea I wouldn't get to spend my son's 18th bday with him at all.....but we made plans to go see Jeff Dunham in (another city) that night so he could spend the day with dad. I'd prefer it if you stayed at dad's when you come visit in May (for my brother's graduation). I'm not doing this anymore."
So, my initial reaction is: wtf? After talking to my brother, it seems he forgot to tell my dad he had made plans with my mom, so my dad, thinking there were no other plans in the way, decided to come and visit me and take my brother so he could see me, too. He bought everyone plane tickets.
This is what I sent back to my mom:
"Idk why you're mad at me. I didn't know you had plans with him and I didn't know that you didn't know he was coming here. It's not my responsibility or place to tell you things like that. It's not my fault (brother) forgot to tell dad about your plans and it's not my fault that you and dad can't communicate with eachother efficiently so that this entire situation could have been avoided. Now (brother's) upset that he's letting everyone down and i'm upset that somehow i'm STILL being thrown into the middle of poo poo that doesn't have anything to do with me even when i'm 1,000 miles away. We will stay with one of our friends in May."
After my mom flipped out, my brother told my dad he wasn't going to see me anymore since he felt bad that he made plans with mom first and forgot about them, my dad called me to tell me my brother wasn't coming and he honestly had no idea why he wasn't coming.
My brother listened to my mom on the phone with one of her friends, and from the way she was talking, she truly believes that I knew that she didn't know about the trip, and that she's convinced herself that my dad planned this all out just to gently caress with her and make her not see my brother for his "very important" birthday. She told my brother directly that I "attacked her" in that text message. After all this, my brother decided to come on the trip. He said "i felt bad for her because I hosed up, but if she's going to slander you and dad then she doesn't deserve it."
And now we come to the true problem. This is the next and last thing she's said to me so far, and I have no idea how to respond or go forward from here.
"The FACT that you are still blind to what he is doing & his motives is literally astounding to me. & yea it does have to do with you because you keep allowing him to use you to hurt me.
WHY would he make plans for an 18 year olds bday & not ask him what he wants to do & where he wants to go?! Who does that?! And never say a word?!!
No one thinks it's strange to go to (my state) just weeks before you are coming here? No one? (Brother) would rather go to New York or someplace he hasn't been. But instead of discussing it with his now adult son, he makes his own plans with his own agenda
I won't believe for one second it never crossed your mind it was weird.
(Brother) should be upset! Upset he is being used as a pawn at 18 years old without his permission!!!
Just like you allow him to use you. I send (brother) over there for all the holidays, mine or not! I went out of my way to ask (brother) what he wanted to do for his birthday & made sure dad also had time with him! I don't behave the way ya'll do!! And this is it!! I went over there to see you in Sept. & I've never felt more unwanted & unwelcome anywhere in my entire life
But i'm SURE dad won't feel that way when he is there. You'd NEVER treat him like that.
You honestly think had (brother) been given the options he would have wanted this?! Absolutely not.
The game is still being played, & i'm the one being hurt & YES.....you ARE still allowing it. So stop lying to yourself. You don't care
No reason to worry anymore, we haven't been close in the last year anyway.
I'm fine. Enjoy"
Reddit.
I think my mom is crazy.
Literally all of this is in her head and none of it is happening. My dad made a plan to come see me, made sure it was ok with me and my boyfriend, and asked my brother if he wanted to come. My brother said yes, forgetting all about his plans with my mom, and so my dad bought plane tickets.
When my mom came in September, she didn't ask but instead told me she had bought tickets. When she was here, she somehow got it in her head that I was mad at her, and despite me trying to assure her that I wasn't mad, she acted like a child, refused to believe me, and stayed in our guest room the entire rest of the time she was here, which was like 2 days. I made efforts to try and invite her to go put put or bowling or anything at all, and she would decline and stay in the room. Then went home and cried that I had treated her like poo poo and didn't want her there.
Idk what to do. Idk how to respond. My mom always makes herself the victim, no matter what it is. I was depressed and cutting myself? No, I was faking it just to hurt her. I was quiet at lunch because I was tired and had a lot on my mind? No, I hate her and don't want her to be here.
I'm pretty hurt that she thinks I would intentionally conspire with my dad to hurt her, especially since I've told her over and over I don't want anything to do with what goes on between them bc I mentally could not handle it anymore.
What should I do, reddit? The only response I can think of is "you're crazy, get some help" But somehow I don't think that'll go over too well.
- Edit
I woke up to a long text about how she feels.
--She says my father and I "stole her son's 18th birthday from her, after she's spent years fighting to not miss one (They fought over full custody the whole time - she says she was fighting for equal custody, and he wanted full with no visitation. I believed this growing up.) "Then legally have been forced to miss more than any parent should ever have to."
--Then she talks about how when my brother was born she was under "nightmare conditions" because she had just found out my dad had an affair (unsure if it was emotional or physical) and even though she was mad at him, she still allowed him to be in the room when his son was born, because she "chose not to deny him the birth of his son even though he didn't deserve to be in there and had every right not to allow him" And says how she never denied him the right to his children. Then that child grew up, reached his big 18 milestone and it was stolen from her not only by him, but "by the daughter who spent years of her life watching her mother go through enormous pain & sacrifice... it's a betrayal I never saw coming."
--She goes on to say more about how I should have known that she didn't know, and won't believe I didn't. How she would never do this to my dad, and that my dad isn't even planning this trip for my brother, he's planning it to hurt her, and doesn't care about my brother's birthday. She says my dad and step mom go on vacations all the time, so why didn't they bring my brother on those instead of this one, when I was already going to see them next month anyway?
--She says I could have told him it wasn't a good time to go. (It was a great time for my dad and my boyfriend and I, plus I was happy to be able to spend a birthday with my brother who I haven't spent a single "so important" birthday with in years.) and I "could have done what you did to me when I've tried to go up there" (I told her no, it wasn't a good time.) But instead, I chose sides and hurt her. Choices have consequences, and now the consequence is our relationship. Dad's goal has finally been obtained: taking her kids away.
I decided to respond, told her I would only say one more time that I wasn't a part of some plan that doesn't exist, and that I was sorry that she felt as though we stole something from her, but the reality is that, that isn't the case. I told her she wasn't entitled to our birthdays or anything in our lives since we are both now adults, and the day is about him, anyway. I told her about how she acted when she was here, and that her constant victim playing is exhausting and I'm concerned for her. I told her I loved her, that I wanted the best for her, and when she was ready to let go of the past and move on, and can stop making everything about hurting her, then she could call me. She's the only thing standing in the way of her happiness.
She sent 2 more long messages (we don't really talk on the phone much. Neither of us ever call the other). The first one saying how it's amazing how we're the only ones who think this, but all her friends "see the truth". She even had to go sit with her pastor because she was so heart broken and even he told her it wasn't right. It seems my brother told her that he thought she knew about the trip, didn't realize the timing of the days, and forgot that I would be here for his graduation. She says this is my dad's manipulation. She's not gonna explain anything to me anymore because it's clear that I view her so negatively, and view my father so highly (To be fair, guys, my dad put myself and all of my things outside for my mom to pick up because they thought I was my mom's spy, and I bought into what my mom was saying and didn't like my father. We didn't talk for a yearish after that.) She says I don't love her, I know what love looks like because she's demonstrated unconditional love to me my entire life, and this isn't it. I'm lying to myself and i'll regret this forever.
The next one calls me heartless for talking about my problems and not having empathy for her own. She says how she went through so much with her mom abusing her, fighting with my dad during and after both pregnancies, have that same man spend years trying to take her kids from her, then her daughter grows up to be just like him. She's been in more counseling hours than I could imagine, dedicated her life to Christ because it's the only way she wouldn't have ended her life years ago, and that I know nothing about true depression. I know nothing about her except what I chose to believe. She asks how I could call her a victim, that sounds like my step mom. She has many friends who've seen things with their own eyes and wouldn't call her a victim. I've placed misplaced blame on her for my own pain growing up because her only other option was to give us up and that was never an option for her. I abuse her because it somehow makes me feel better about myself. She doesn't allow pain to turn her into someone who hurts those who hurt her, including how I treated her while she was here. I'm blind to who I am. I never send so much as a card for holidays (I got her a birthday present, and mother's day card, and a Christmas present last year, as well as a call for thanksgiving. I don't participate in any other holiday.) but she sends me all kinds of things for all holidays, never let a single one go uncelebrated. But this is how I feel, since she has no right to be in my life & this is how I treat her after she moved me to (snowy state) in the dead of winter (I originally wasn't planning on taking her up for my move, and could have easily done it without her company, but decided to invite her because I knew she was sad I was leaving), then that's fine. No more relationship for us. She loves me as her daughter, but doesn't like who I am and won't allow that in her life. This is how a nonvictim behaves. She prays for me, and says "I pray that you always know how much you are loved even when everyone around you is telling you all the reasons why you aren't loveable" Until the healing of God brings us together again, she releases me.
I'm not going to respond, I guess. I'm sad to know she isn't going to be a part of my life anymore, but at the same time I can't deal with this poo poo. I hope one day she figures out that she's the problem.
tl;dr: My mom is deluded and thinks i'm conspiring with my dad to hurt her when no one is doing anything to her, and is taking it out on me and telling me i'm a liar and i'm not welcome at her house anymore.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

this one is loving bizzare

Dienes posted:

That's a case where someone living their life (e.g., getting married, owning cars, having kids) takes another person choosing to live differently (e.g., not married, no car) as a tacit insult to their way of life. As soon as he does the things they did, he'll be an adult.

Tiny Deer posted:

She's just dreaming of a white Christmas.

Also I'm loving sorry did this guy just say he snuck into his wife's place all hosed up on benzos and crawled into her bed?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

mom cray, so what

My mother [43 F] has deluded herself into thinking a situation is happening that isn't, and is mad at me [22 F] for it.Non-Romantic

quote:

She sent 2 more long messages (we don't really talk on the phone much. Neither of us ever call the other). The first one saying how it's amazing how we're the only ones who think this, but all her friends "see the truth". She even had to go sit with her pastor because she was so heart broken and even he told her it wasn't right. It seems my brother told her that he thought she knew about the trip, didn't realize the timing of the days, and forgot that I would be here for his graduation. She says this is my dad's manipulation. She's not gonna explain anything to me anymore because it's clear that I view her so negatively, and view my father so highly (To be fair, guys, my dad put myself and all of my things outside for my mom to pick up because they thought I was my mom's spy, and I bought into what my mom was saying and didn't like my father. We didn't talk for a yearish after that.) She says I don't love her, I know what love looks like because she's demonstrated unconditional love to me my entire life, and this isn't it. I'm lying to myself and i'll regret this forever.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

mom cray, so what

My mother [43 F] has deluded herself into thinking a situation is happening that isn't, and is mad at me [22 F] for it.Non-Romantic

quote:

I recently (3 months ago) got a job after 1 year of unemployment. I had no social interaction whatsoever and wasn't expecting anything to happen prior to starting my job. Fast forward, I immediately developed a thing for my married co-worker who has 2 kids.

A few details: He is not my boss but he is at a more senior level than I am. He doesn't talk to me really but I think he knows I like him. He caught me looking at him a few times. Every time we go to a meeting, we lock eyes with each other. It's so intense. One time he came to my desk and gave me some chocolate by saying "Please take some, Miss (my name)". He comes near my desk during lunch break to see what I'm surfing on the net. When there was an office party, he called my name twice to join the team... Anyways, I took these signs as him liking me.

Lately, though, he's been acting a bit weird. When I talk to my colleague (who's sitting next to me), he would interrupt us and ask him something about work and when my colleague asks him "Did you want something from me?", he replied "Why would I want something from you?". This happened 3 times. He sometimes talks about topics I like.

The thing that hurt me most is that he doesn't ask me for help. He would come to my team's desk and ask someone to help with work but does NOT mention my name. I'm a member of the team and feel really offended by this behavior. He only asks me if I received emails. So I decided to ignore him for the past week. He would come near my desk from time to time and look at me. I ignore him. For the past two days, he seems depressed and
does not socialize with others even my other co-workers tell him to smile. He did not even come to the weekly meeting today.

I know my situation might seem silly but I really like him a lot. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's married and I would NEVER act on it. I just want to know if the feeling is mutual. Please help! I've only been in one relationship in my life.

TL;dr I'm confused about my feelings for my married co-worker. He's been acting a bit weird

Mirthless posted:

dad cray too

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

mom cray, so what

My mother [43 F] has deluded herself into thinking a situation is happening that isn't, and is mad at me [22 F] for it.Non-Romantic

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [27 F] confused about the behavior of my married co-worker [37 M].
I thought most people grew out of this in high school?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

okay the post is nothing special but this typo is loving incredible:

I [19 M] suffer from bad anxiety and I feel like I'm gonna ruin thongs with my GF [20 F]

quote:

My Mom died when I was 13 from a long illness. In the years of my life that followed, I was incredibly depressed. I basically lost my best friend. I did not know how to interact socially with so much grief, and lost out on many friends and connections. My Dad, though he is in most ways a good Dad, was clueless about how to raise a 13 year old girl, and drowning in his own problems. When I was 14, I attempted suicide. I was very stupid about the method I chose – I basically just downed a few handfuls of Aspirin. I did have to be put on dialysis, but I am happy to say that I now live with no side effects and full kidney function. After my suicide attempt, I was given extensive therapy and eventually found a combination of medications that worked for me. I am no longer depressed. I still take medication and have therapy appointments through my school’s health center.

My father remarried two years ago. I resented Suzan, his new wife, and I still don’t like her very much. She is a cruel person. But somehow, Angie, her daughter, is a sweet and wonderful girl. She is 13 now. I love talking to Angie, and I am basically her big sister.

Suzan was not aware of my depression or my suicide attempt. She did not marry my Dad in the thick of it – she dated and married him in the aftermath, when the dust was clearing, and I was packing up to go to college. I go to a college nearby and visit often but since all of my therapy and medication is done through the college, I felt no reason to tell her. My Dad agreed with my assessment, and did not tell her either.

Angie and I were talking on Skype. Angie confessed to me that she was also feeling depressed. It sounded concerning and she was showing a few serious symptoms. I confided in her about my history of depression, leaving out the suicide attempt, and told her that she should tell her Mom and open up to her. I might not like Suzan, but a kid should have her Mom when she feels that bad. Apparently Angie talked to Suzan, and Suzan got upset that I was talking to her daughter about these things, and asked my Dad how I know so much about it. Apparently he thought that I’d told her about everything, even my suicide attempt, and mentioned it accidentally. And now there is a shitstorm brewing.

Suzan blew up at my Dad. From what I heard from him (he’s not very forthcoming) she was accusing him of having a crazy person in her house and making Angie crazy. She seems to be under the impression that if Angie hadn’t talked to me, she wouldn’t be depressed and she’d be totally fine. She sent me this email this morning:

quote:

Angie is mine. I will protect her against ANY and ALL threats. I would not have let you speak to Angie if I knew you are mentally unstable. You had a DUTY and a RESPONSIBILITY to tell me, and so did your father. What would happen if you wante to hack up Angie in pieces in the night? Because your father refused to tell me anything about what is going on. I do not want you talking to Angie. You have fed poison in her ears. You turned her against me and (Dad’s name). I will not have mentally unstable people in my family.

You were selfish to try it once and I know you will try it again. You will not be FRIENDS with her. You will not be FAMILY. I am her family and I will protect her. STAY OUT OF OUR LIVES.

I am shocked. My Dad is telling me that she wants him to cut me out of his life permanently, so Angie won’t have any influence from me. I didn’t like her, but I never knew she’d be like this. I’m scared I’ll lose my Dad and Angie, and I’m scared that this woman is going to hurt Angie by not knowing what to do. What do I do? What can I do?

Fullhouse posted:

there is exactly one mentally unstable person in that story and it isn't the OP

Mirthless posted:

it's oversharing but it's a better example than bitterly sniping at each other because they can't keep their simmering contempt to themselves anymore

like she hates it and is grossed out by it now but she's got an example of what a good marriage looks like and that can make all the difference in the kind of relationships people foster and what their standard of healthy is

quote:

6 months ago Sin_Drella
I [16F] think my stepmother is going to sell me to an organ harvester

I don't have much time to type this because my computer privileges end at midnight

My father remarried a few years ago to a woman with two daughters my age. He passed away soon after during a trip to South America and I always thought she had something to do with it. I get treated like trash while I watch my stepmother and her daughters spend both my parents' savings and life insurance.

I just want to leave when I'm eighteen but I'm not sure I'll make it that far. She's planning another trip to South America and I just have a really bad feeling she's going to arrange for me to get kidnapped. It would be to prostitution but I saw online that the black market for organs is worth more money.

I hate things so much I really don't care anymore, but the one last thing I want to do is go to my prom next month. What do I do?

Elsa posted:

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [27 F] confused about the behavior of my married co-worker [37 M].


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM

I thought most people grew out of this in high school?

MF_James posted:

This should be a huge for Dad.

Elsa posted:

quote:

First things first: I have never paid half of our bills before. Due to a combination of circumstances, I both work less than she does and make less money. We are unfortunately only right above the poverty line, even with both incomes.
The house was already hers when we married, she has always paid the mortgage for it entirely plus the electricity bill. I pay water and internet, which comes out to a lot less. Also due to bad luck and me being out of work the year before last, we racked up a lot of credit card debt, she pays the monthly on that too.

A couple of months ago, she expressed to me that she was unhappy with this arrangement, and basically gave me an ultimatum to pay half of all our bills in November, and from then on. She didn't give me any consequences, but her best friend (who has been living with us rent-free since July) told me she had a breakdown crying session with her mom and basically said she will ask me to move out if I can't pay.

The last couple of weeks she has taken some days off from work and said she normally never has a day off, she deserves one. When I thought about it, I realize she may be counting on my contribution to make up the difference, and I don't have it.
The tricky part is I work for her dad. The hours are uneven and even though we worked more than usual this month he has not paid our crew a whole lot, probably because he hasn't gotten it from the client. I have tried to find other jobs, but I am a convicted felon and it's tough.

quote:

Unfortunately our lifestyle is about as low-cost as we can make it, our house isn't big or anything, and the mortgage is not more than a small apartment would be. Neither of us completed college and even though my wife works 50-60 hours a week both her jobs are just above minimum wage and we just really don't make enough. We don't even have cable, our only entertainment budget is the internet. Additionally the house is not in great shape and due to a lot of foreclosures around us has actually lost value since it was purchased six years ago.

It is legally both of our in our state, but as I mentioned she bought it before we married and has always paid for it herself, I would never try to take that away from her even if we did divorce.

We have had communication issues our whole marriage, she is very reluctant to share and open up about her feelings and tries to be tough about everything, but every six months or year she'll have a big breakdown about something small and everything she feels is wrong that I had no clue about will come pouring out. It seems like this time it happened with her mom instead of me.

quote:

So… I talked to my wife. I’ll let you know what happened in a minute.

First I’d like to apologize that I stopped replying on the original after a day or so. It got a little overwhelming to see so much negativity about myself, even though I know it’s deserved and for the most part true.
I did read each and every reply and I know a lot of you had questions that I didn’t answer, and I’ll attempt to do so here. There were also some rampant assumptions that I’m not quite sure where they came from reading what I said.
Without going into details, I went to jail for dealing and assault. It was before I met my wife. Someone asked if I had my GED. I graduated high school and did 1 year of college, flunked out pretty badly from being immature, not studying or going to class. I’d like to think it would be different if I went back, but I don’t think we are up for school loans right now, for me or for her.

I don’t drink or do drugs (anymore), I never did more than casually. I was dealing to make some money, and I was never addicted.

I am VERY addicted to smoking, I limit myself to 1 pack a day. I’ve been smoking since I was 14, tried several times to quit. I know quitting cold turkey will not work for me, and alternatives like patches and pills cost as much if not more than just buying the drat smokes. I am interested in the e-cig, but it’s an initial outlay of money too.

I really appreciate all your efforts to budget and suggest things we could save money on, the only problem with me bringing all this up to her right now is that it feels like I’m suggesting more frugal ways to spend her money so that I can continue to sit on my rear end. I want to earn more money so we don’t have to cut out every single one of the tiny little pleasures that make life worth living.

For instance, my wife works every single day of the week, she normally never has any day off, she just happened to take a few off this last month. So if she says, “Let’s go out to eat” once every two weeks, it seems harsh to bring up that we really can’t afford it, when she doesn’t have much else to look forward to, having-fun wise. Also we always get romantic at restaurants, these are our date nights, which I’m not willing to give up. And with her friend and friend’s baby living with us it’s especially important for us to get out of the house alone together sometimes.

I agree that we could cut out on groceries and on me eating fast food sometimes, and we need to work on that, I did ask her if she would like to do a budget together… didn’t mention cutting things out yet.

A lot of numbers were getting thrown around, some I saw a lot of were that I worked 30 hours a week and that my wife was asking me to pay less than $300 as half the rent, both of which are incorrect. She wants to split all the bills, not just the mortgage, but electricity, water, internet, insurance, and the credit card bill. My half would be $535 as she worked it out. I work really uneven hours with her dad. The week before last we worked mon-fri, all 18-hour days. So far this week, no work. Some weeks we work 1 or 2 days, sometimes all of them, and sometimes none for a couple weeks at a time.

quote:

So… I asked my wife what would happen if I couldn’t pay all of my half this month.

She said she kind of figured I couldn’t since she saw I had just been eating ramen noodles and eggs this past week. She said she wants me to look for another job, she doesn't care if it pays “less” (supposedly her dad pays me $15 an hour) she just wants something steady so we can count on it. I asked if she just wants me to turn over all my money whenever I get any, and she seemed really turned off by that, she said she doesn't want to have to hand over money for my cigarettes and gas and food, she just wants us to split the bills so she won’t have to do it all herself, and so she can save money and pay off the credit card.

She had a whole money plan that I never knew about. She showed me how, with what she pays now, it will take more than four years to pay off the card, and if I contribute and she keeps paying the same, it will take only 10 months. Once we are out of credit card debt we can either start saving for retirement or start paying off the house faster, or we can split it and do both. We could potentially have the house paid off in less than six years if we work at it.
We didn’t have a super-long, sit-down talk yet like a lot of you wanted, but we are scheduled to have one tomorrow when she has the morning free, and also to post our budget on /r/personalfinance.

One other thing is she wants to have a baby before age 33, so she is really getting serious now about our finances. We are going to talk about it more tomorrow, she had to leave for work today. She also said she pays all her bills on the 10th of the month, so if her dad pays me more before then it could be all right. She’s going to see if she can pick up anyone else’s extra hours to make up for the days off, or we can always borrow from her friend (who has a little money saved up to move out) so we won’t miss paying for any bills no matter what.

I didn’t tell her about this post because I didn’t want to cause any friction between her and her friend, but I did ask her, “So you aren’t kicking me out or anything?” She seemed really shocked and said, “No, baby, I love you, I just want you to help out more, but I’m not going to kick you out.”

So I am applying for jobs again, hopefully something will happen for me soon.

TL;DR: She cray-cray ‘cause she want a bae-bae. I didn’t get kicked out!

Ouhei posted:

On one hand, it seems weird that it wouldn't have come up at all before they got married, but on the other, more important hand that reaction is way over the top and hopefully the dad doesn't put up with that poo poo.