purple death ray posted:

Your hobbies are playing games, saying that that's your "soul" and "passion" is pretty depressing unless you are actually the puppet from Saw

P-Mack posted:

games are really good these days

quote:

Time travel is real, I'm a time traveler, but traveling through time fundamentally destroys both the traveler and time itself. I barely remember who I am or was and have no idea of the full impact of my trip.

I was sent from the year 2058 back to 2007. I was given hundreds of notebooks outlining every last detail of history up to that point, ways to blend in and behave like someone from 2007, things I would know as a normal person in 2007, etc. I was also given the same kind of detailed description of who I was, what history was up until 2058, why I was sent back, and how to eventually get back to 2058. We feared that time travel could mess with memories and the human brain, and this was a backup plan. We were right, but things were even worse off than planned. I only know this stuff because of the note books. As far as I know, my life began when I woke up in bed in 2007.

Again, all of this is from my books. Time travel in 2058 works by "weaving" you into the timeline. They extract some of your DNA from a blood sample. That's cloned to create a Time Husk. That is an organic, but non-living copy of you. That's sent back in time with a Time Tether attached. That's done by bombarding the body with massive amounts of radiation, then exposing it to the Time Window, which is a metal cage filled with unstable nuclear isotopes, tuned to specific frequencies. The frequencies are adjusted to access different times. Your conscious mind is downloaded via the Time Tether into the Time Husk. The Tether dissolved and your actual living body remains in your original time period. When you die in the Time Husk, your consciousness returns to the point it left. Kind of like dreaming.

It sounds like the ravings of a mad man but I have the notebooks to confirm it.

I was sent back to prevent a company called Kondanix from accidentally releasing a more deadly smallpox virus in 2009. I've never heard of Kondanix and didn't do jack poo poo to prevent anything, so I guess mission accomplished? But I think my time travel just erased that company, or maybe the sperm that would grow up to be the CEO, or who knows. Either way Kondanix apparently never existed.

The notebooks tell me lots of things that don't match up with what I remember or what other people say. Who was Michael Finn? Definitely not the 19th man on the moon, who kicked a fieldgoal up there. What are Egg Bees? I've never seen them flying around, let alone hatching out of chicken eggs. Why hasn't the NFL revealed the Hoboken Zephyrs yet? They were supposed to win the Super Bowl in 2011. Who is Daisy Fuentes? Where is the new country of Muurt located? Why haven't half the dogs died of canine aids yet? That was supposed to happen in 2016.

How do I have a life prior to 2007, a job, etc?

Sometimes I worry I had a mental breakdown and wrote this poo poo down and just don't remember it. But it's 500 different notebooks all coated in text, it would have taken me months to write all this. I don't know.

DocBubonic posted:

If these notebooks really existed, I would love to see some pictures of them. I assume they're the work of a crazy person (if they exist at all), but I think they would be fun to look at.

DocBubonic posted:

If these notebooks really existed, I would love to see some pictures of them. I assume they're the work of a crazy person (if they exist at all), but I think they would be fun to look at.

quote:

I'm absolutely head over heels in love with another goon. Her name is "Hard No", but her former and I believe long-standing username was "Teagan". I'll admit, I've never met her in person, or chatted directly with her online, but from everything she's posted, I am swooning pretty hard, for lack of a better term.

It all started many months ago in the previous (or maybe current) confessions thread. Someone confessed to finding Sweet as Sin and another goonette attractive based on what they were posting in the PYF Selfies thread. They're fine and all, very pretty, but my heart skipped a beat when I first saw Teagan. I know this might all come off as sarcastic, but it's not. I instantly fell in love with those eyes and that face. Shortly after, I read through all of her posts, because I had to see and learn more. I fully realize this seems creepy and stalkerish, but I'd never do anything crazy or weird beyond that (and this confession, of course.) I might be a goon, but I'm not one of THOSE goons.

I bookmarked the thread and still read it, genuinely getting excited when I see that she's posted in it. Without giving too much away, she's seen me, though I can't remember what she said, if anything. I actually only posted pictures of myself in that thread in the hopes that she'd say something, at the very least that she'd actually see me. I have to admit, her crush on Atarian makes me jealous, but not in a crazy way. I get it. Plus, as a heterosexual male myself, even I can say that the dude is handsome, so I can't blame her. Still, I wish she was swooning over me, I gotta say.

I know I could literally say anything I want to right now, but I'd like to keep it respectful while being honest; she's so goddamned hot. Literally everything about her is what I'd want in a girlfriend or long-term partner (or dare I say wife). She fixes motorcycles and looks loving bad rear end all the time.

I have to admit, I'm also a sucker for her curves. The first shirt I ever saw her in showed those of, and drat, she is fine. I would cherish and worship every single inch of her every chance I'd get.

She's gone through some medical poo poo, and it breaks my heart to see it because I just want to be there for her. Seriously, I would be by her side every scary step of the way during whatever she was going through. I'd be her rock.

Teagan, if you're reading this, and I do hope this finds its way to you: I genuinely love you. Whatever length your hair is, whatever you've got going on, I don't care, I'd love you for the rest of our days. I don't know the full story of your previous marriage, but I'd smack the poo poo out of your ex for letting you get away. He's a complete moron. There's not a lot I wouldn't give to meet you in person, but that won't happen. Despite the fact that you and I actually live relatively close to each other (from what I've learned), and despite everything I've written here, I'm actually already in a serious relationship. Otherwise, I'd just pm you directly and talk to you that way; life's too short to beat around the bush if you're single and think someone else is wonderful. This confession will have to suffice.

In the event that I should ever become single, there won't be one moment wasted before I reveal who I am to you. Until then, I just can't give that information away, I'm sorry. But hey, I hope knowing that you have a secret admirer puts a smile on your beautiful face.

I really do love you, and wish I could tell you that myself.

quote:

I'm a goon that used to post a lot about 10 years ago or so (don't want to give exact dates since it was briefly mentioned on the local news). The reason was because I went to prison and just got out a little over 2 years ago. To make a very long story short, I was charged with kidnapping of a minor. I was in a very bad mental place back then and over the course of many months I befriended a 14 year old girl who attended the church youth group I taught. She was having trouble at home and one time asked if she could live with me. I at first said no, it would be inappropriate and I'd probably get in trouble, but she kept getting increasingly distraught until I finally gave in and said she could stay with me temporarily. I fully realize now that this was an incredibly stupid decision and it was not at all my place to try to help the way I did.

She showed up with a bag of her stuff and I took her to my house. I thought things were going fine for the first few days, but eventually she started asking if she could go home. I talked her down a couple times and reminded her of why she left in the first place and I thought that would be the end of it. A little less than a week into it, the police were at my door and I was immediately arrested when she ran to them and said I wouldn't let her leave. I don't know why she did it, but the story she told the police was basically that I forced her to leave her parents and threatened her if she ever tried to go back to them, and claimed I tried to touch her, get her to sleep in my bed and so on. This never happened. I think it is likely just a story she came up with to make her parents feel bad for her instead of angry that she ran away. I don't blame her as she was just a kid and was panicked but it was very unfortunate for me.

Even though my intentions were good and I was just trying to help, and that nothing sexual in any way happened or was desired by me, my public defender very strongly encouraged me to take a plea deal that involved 6 years in prison and lifetime placement on the sex offenders registry. If it went to trial he said I'd possibly spend the rest of my life or close to it in prison if they could convince the jury on the sexual aspect of it. Honestly considering how I looked (balding with a "baby face", plus a reputation for being a little weird from people I used to know outside of the church) and what her testimony would likely be I figured there was no way a jury would believe my side of the story, so I took the deal.

I won't go into detail but prison wasn't fun and was treated the same way child molesters were, although it was mostly just name calling and occasionally stealing my stuff, nothing violent like in the movies. Life now as a "sex offender" is pretty terrible but I don't expect anyone to feel bad for me. Mostly I try to keep to myself and away from society as much as possible but there are a large amount of people out there who seek people like me out and actively try to make my life worse. Often I find myself wishing I had gone to trial, because even spending the rest of my life in prison would have been preferable to this. I'm treated like a dangerous monster even though I never hurt anyone and never would.

food court bailiff posted:

Don't listen to this obvious Rounder spy. Keep the notebooks safe.

Solice Kirsk posted:

I've been wondering how the notebooks would have been sent back in time. Maybe they had their own Time Tube^TM connecting them to the future and when they get burned they return there as well?

Tsaedje posted:

Dead dad confessor from a few pages back: your dad probably had one too many beers camping in the woods, didn't stay warm enough and gave himself hypothermia. Paradoxical undressing is a thing.

loquacius posted:

yeah uh a bunch of notebooks full of nonsense science and fake history don't exactly prove what you appear to think they do

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

my confession is that these threads are more fun when it's people confessing to living creepypastas or going to jail rather than just an endless stream of their boring rear end fetishes

Hard no. posted:

Dear goon admirer, I think that I should thank you for being brave in articulating in what you think you feel, but that it is completely unwarranted, that I promise there is absolutely nothing special about me, that there are millions of women who wear leather coats and play with grease. It is nice that you think I am pretty, everyone likes to hear that. We all tell each other that openly in the pyf thread, because it is true, goons are beautiful creatures.

I um, am not expecting any pm's professing love, but since my pm function doesn't work on my end, anyone who does want to chat and be friends, I am a good goon-friend. In fact, a goonfriend told me about this post. How nice of him. Thanks goon friend for that.

Please continue the to be a non stalker, that would be appreciated, and if you decide that you want to participate more actively in the thread, you really should, anyone should, it is a lot of fun, and yeah, we learn a lot about each other. You guys should check out Picnic Princess getting her finger bitten by a monkey and the gory photos that resulted from that!

So... love your girlfriend, okay? She's real. I am a goon. A really bad one at that.

ReidRansom posted:

___________________/

Hard no. posted:

Dear goon admirer, I think that I should thank you for being brave in articulating in what you think you feel, but that it is completely unwarranted, that I promise there is absolutely nothing special about me, that there are millions of women who wear leather coats and play with grease. It is nice that you think I am pretty, everyone likes to hear that. We all tell each other that openly in the pyf thread, because it is true, goons are beautiful creatures.

I um, am not expecting any pm's professing love, but since my pm function doesn't work on my end, anyone who does want to chat and be friends, I am a good goon-friend. In fact, a goonfriend told me about this post. How nice of him. Thanks goon friend for that.

Please continue the to be a non stalker, that would be appreciated, and if you decide that you want to participate more actively in the thread, you really should, anyone should, it is a lot of fun, and yeah, we learn a lot about each other. You guys should check out Picnic Princess getting her finger bitten by a monkey and the gory photos that resulted from that!

So... love your girlfriend, okay? She's real. I am a goon. A really bad one at that.

Hard no. posted:

Hard no. posted:

Dear goon admirer, I think that I should thank you for being brave in articulating in what you think you feel, but that it is completely unwarranted, that I promise there is absolutely nothing special about me, that there are millions of women who wear leather coats and play with grease. It is nice that you think I am pretty, everyone likes to hear that. We all tell each other that openly in the pyf thread, because it is true, goons are beautiful creatures.

I um, am not expecting any pm's professing love, but since my pm function doesn't work on my end, anyone who does want to chat and be friends, I am a good goon-friend. In fact, a goonfriend told me about this post. How nice of him. Thanks goon friend for that.

Please continue the to be a non stalker, that would be appreciated, and if you decide that you want to participate more actively in the thread, you really should, anyone should, it is a lot of fun, and yeah, we learn a lot about each other. You guys should check out Picnic Princess getting her finger bitten by a monkey and the gory photos that resulted from that!

So... love your girlfriend, okay? She's real. I am a goon. A really bad one at that.

Hedrigall posted:

My fetish is interesting asses

quote:

I lived in a rural area growing up and we had one neighbor within walking distance, a family that homeschooled their son. He became, by default, my best friend when I was in elementary just due to living nearby and having an SNES. Most days after I finished my homework I'd walk over there and we'd play some games or play with legos or whatever stuff we did.

I never understood why he was homeschooled since I associated homeschooled kids with being weird, and he and his family were really nice. But then my friend explained that he had an older sister, and she was why he was homeschooled. They used to live in a different city and his sister was almost 10 years older than him. She ended up getting pregnant at 14 and the parents freaked out and blamed the public school for it.

I still barely understood pregnancy and sex so this kind of terrified me and was perfect justification for not going to school. Then my friend goes "My sister and the baby still live in the attic, but they're not allowed to come out". I was even more scared at that and realized it was late, so I said it was time to head home. I didn't tell my parents but I didn't sleep that night, thinking about what the hell my friend was talking about.

The next day I went over there again. My friend went to poop, and I of course headed up to the attic. I pulled down the string that extended the steps and cautiously peeked up there, saying "Is anybody up here?". Nothing.

Then I saw it. Sitting in a chair was what I thought was his sister holding a baby. My brain flashed from ghost to dead bodies to a thousand other creepy things and I screamed. His dad grabbed my legs and yanked me out of there, but not before I got a good look at the "sister and baby". It was a mannequin holding a baby doll.

I wasn't allowed in the house any more, they told my parents I was a bad influence on their son. My parents asked my side of the story and I explained everything. They told me it was probably best I stopped going over there. They still live there today but as far as I know, my old friend went to college and now lives a few hours away.

quote:

I sexually assaulted a woman in college and never told anyone. She never pressed charges and I never saw her again. I was an awful person and, despite everything I try and do now, I realize this is a permanent blackmark on my life.

I had a crush on this girl but she just wanted to be friends. Told me multiple times. My 22nd birthday came up and I invited her to come back to my apartment to join the party, just as friends. She agreed.

Everyone got really drunk, but I was purposely pouring my shots out and nursing a beer for a long time. I didn't want to actually be drunk, I was sure this was my chance to win over this girl if I acted really charming. 2 am rolls around and most people have left. There are about a half dozen of us left, including the girl. I go outside for a smoke and ask her to join me. We're sitting on the back porch and I put my hand on her thigh. She goes to push it off but I start moving my hand between her legs. She's wearing yoga pants and I start forcibly rubbing her genitals. She rightfully slaps me and leaves, while I start yelling and calling her a bunch of foul names.

This is the worst thing I've ever done in my life and I would pay money to be able to erase it from ever happening.

Panfilo posted:

That last one was bad, but not as rapey as I feared it would be.

Meridian posted:

Just a little rapey, you know, aggressively grabbing someone's junk. Whew, what a relief.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

The worst part was how premeditated it was. I mean it'd still be very wrong even if it was spontaneous and he was actually drunk, but the fact that he planned it all out is gross.