/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

I like your quote better. It would have been a sick burn too.

The thought of it being some goony goon guy is way funnier and more horrific.

these people got together when he was 29, and she was 18

This one doesn't compute for me at all.

quote:

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My (24F) boyfriend of 6 years (35M) got upset because I was having too many orgasms during sex. Upset that he's upset.

u/JamesRustlesSr

So, I guess it goes without saying that we have our fair share of ongoing issues. He tends to have a lower libido than me, but I'm a big girl with a vibrator and its not that big of a deal most of the time.

Tonight we were having sex and I do like to touch myself while I'm being penetrated. It just feels better, and yes I can have an orgasm really really easily. Things were going fine until he just pulls out and wants me to blow him. This kind of upsets me beause there's a pretty big imbalance in our relationship as far as oral goes. I've gotten it once so far in 2015.

I wasn't able to suck him off because I was kind of pissed off at this point. We started arguing and he said that he was upset because every time he would get a good rhythm going i would "start convulsing" and it ruined it for him I guess. I think this is bullshit and I refuse to be a human masturbatory aid . I'm not just going to lay there.

We argued a little bit, and he seemed to get really upset about some other parts of our relationship. He said I always did what I wanted and didn't consider him. I feel like this is untrue and vocalized it. I turn down 1-2 invitations from my friend group per week to spend time at home with him. I still make time to go out and visit friends so I think its a good balance.

He also cited the fact that I bought tickets to a concert that was about 3 hours away from where we live. I was actively trying to find someone to go with me, but I asked if he would go if I couldn't. He said he really didn't want to. At first it upset me, but again I'm a big girl and if I want to see this concert its okay to go alone I guess.

He said tonight that he would've preferred I not go at all. I think thats insane. I traveled a lot alone in the past year for conferences and grad school visits. I know how to handle myself.

Obvously I'm not a perfect partner. I am in grad school and I work crazy hours. Its slightly better now that it's summer but I have a lot coming up and its the most important time in my life if I want to continue with my current path. I'm in therapy for substance abuse /depression. I'm on meds too. I have a lot of stuff going to keep me on track. I feel pretty okay about a really stressful life I've made for myself but poo poo like this just destroys me.

At this point I just feel really frustrated, and like I can't do a thing right. The obligatory question here is 1. is my perspective valid? 2. How can I move forward!? It's fairly normal to want orgasms.

tldr: boyfriend is an orgasm miser.

Edit/Update: tried talking it out. He suggested we take a break. Packed some pajamas and left. Several friends have offered couches as a temp fix

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 06:59 on Apr 27, 2017

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:18

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# ? May 30, 2024 06:31

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Man they deserve each other, if she's finishing she should help him finish, he should be happy she's happy. He should go with her to the concert, and if he reeally doesn't want too, he shouldn't make her feeling lovely for going out on her own.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:35

DJ Fuckboy Supreme: Feb 10, 2011; And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

This one doesn't compute for me at all.

I'll take "manipulative manbabies" for 100, Alex

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:36

DJ Fuckboy Supreme: Feb 10, 2011; And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

also

my girlfriend comes at the drop of a hat and instead of it being super hot I get pissy that there's a deficit in the gently caress budget

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:39

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Cakefarts Carol posted:

also my girlfriend comes at the drop of a hat and instead of it being super hot I get pissy that there's a deficit in the gently caress budget

He sighs as he opens his spreadsheet

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:47

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

I added some SA emoticons, just so everyone can more easily visualise the story. ^^^

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:50

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Cakefarts Carol posted:

also my girlfriend comes at the drop of a hat and instead of it being super hot I get pissy that there's a deficit in the gently caress budget

Just get a hat rack jeez. :jerkbag:

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:51

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Cakefarts Carol posted:

also my girlfriend comes at the drop of a hat and instead of it being super hot I get pissy that there's a deficit in the gently caress budget

I'm so confused.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:58

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I'm so confused.

"So I was banging my girlfriend and she just keeps cumming and cumming as I bang away and it really ruins it for me" - something I can't imagine anyone ever saying. Unless it's like that one post from a while ago where the girl finishes in record time then rolls over and goes to sleep, leaving him hanging. Which it isn't.

Given the age gap, I think we all know what's up.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 07:04

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

To that guy: Sorry you don't have a clitoris I guess.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 07:04

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

If ur girl finishes super quick, before you do and then immediately goes to sleep it's because she's not into having sex with u and just pretends to get off to end the whole thing sooner

This signals the end of you as a man

# ? Apr 27, 2017 07:43

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

You know how a dog barks, and other dogs start woofing in a Mexican wave?

Screamers are like that in Paris. I'm not saying they are like dogs in any way, but that noise there just sets other Parisians off.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 07:54 on Apr 27, 2017

# ? Apr 27, 2017 07:51

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

that dude wants his girl to be quiet and demure and completely uninterested in sex for HER OWN sake -- that's what SLUTS do -- she should ONLY (but always, whenever he wants) be eager for the sake of HIS orgasms, because ladies and waifus should know their place and not be slutty, obvs

e: checked the ages and he started training -- i mean dating her when she was 18 and he was 29, and he probably really thought he'd be able to control her forever

InediblePenguin fucked around with this message at 08:18 on Apr 27, 2017

# ? Apr 27, 2017 08:14

Anony Mouse: Jan 30, 2005; A name means nothing on the battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.; Lipstick Apathy

spectacular break up executed with devastating precision by my girlfriend of eight years [this is the actual reddit title]

quote:

Eight year relationship, fantastic throughout. We've lived together for years. Two months ago she completely withdraws, quite suddenly, and initiates a break up.

I'm left totally spinning on my head trying to figure out what the hell happened. I line up a new apartment and car. Really hurt, obviously. And she won't communicate about it.

This week, she says she's going out of town for the weekend. Alright, where to? Incredibly dodgy answers which collapse basically of their own weight.

She's going to Bermuda to meet up with a guy she "fell in love with" over the internet. He lives in Brazil. We live in the States. Oh, and she's had the tickets for three weeks.

This was about 36 hours before the flight. I bounce, spend the night at a friend's place, ask her not to contact me. She apparently decides to get on the plane.

She's there right now, will be for another five nights. Apologizing via text message, but there in Bermuda.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation?

She has been a stable, honest, communicative, empathetic partner for about a decade. But obviously this is just next level heartlessness.

If you've been through a similar experience, I would appreciate hearing your story about how things played out. I need perspective and the wisdom experience.

TLDR: Life partner lied and flew to Bermuda with internet lover, help!

Wow. It takes a special kind of hosed-up to obliterate an 8 year relationship for a fuckin' internet dude from Brazil. smh

# ? Apr 27, 2017 08:47

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Haifisch posted:

My [28F] mother-in-law [48F] is an awful cook.

It's not just a river in Egypt.

I think this might be the kind of situation that actually does call for an intervention.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 09:04

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

Anony Mouse posted:

spectacular break up executed with devastating precision by my girlfriend of eight years [this is the actual reddit title]

Wow. It takes a special kind of hosed-up to obliterate an 8 year relationship for a fuckin' internet dude from Brazil. smh

I don't get what he wants to do. Is he asking how to handle a horrible breakup or how to get back with her? But I guess he doesn't really know himself.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 09:53

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Syncopated posted:

I don't get what he wants to do. Is he asking how to handle a horrible breakup or how to get back with her? But I guess he doesn't really know himself.

He doesn't know what to do at all, and she is trying to get back with him. He wants anyone with a similar experience to post their story.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 10:27

Turpitude II: Nov 10, 2014

Bit of a long shot, but was this ever posted in full in this thread? The OP was deleted, but it was about someone in an unsatisfying relationship that involved "pseudo-cucking" and "hypno-play", falling for a video game streamer.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 10:35

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

I like your quote better. It would have been a sick burn too.

The thought of it being some goony goon guy is way funnier and more horrific.

these people got together when he was 29, and she was 18

This one doesn't compute for me at all.

So this guy hit the sexual jackpot in finding a girl that can orgasm easily and he's all pissy? What a nerd.

Syncopated posted:

I don't get what he wants to do. Is he asking how to handle a horrible breakup or how to get back with her? But I guess he doesn't really know himself.

A lot of times the people posting are just looking for anyone on the outside to make sense of what's going on, and either share similar experiences or give an outside opinion. This guy is clearly dumbfounded at how casually his girlfriend just detonated their 8 year relationship and looking for some sober input. Part of his brain knows that things are done and he just needs to hear reinforcement on what he knows he needs to do.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 12:43

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

I dated a girl once who would orgasm real easy and the novelty kind of wore off. I also dated a sex addict and the novelty of that wore off, too. Sometimes the things you fantasize about aren't as good as you think they might be.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:03

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

How is that a novelty? It is objectively better than a woman who has a hard time getting off.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:20

ZearothK: Aug 25, 2008; I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021

Leon Einstein posted:

How is that a novelty? It is objectively better than a woman who has a hard time getting off.

He probably got in his head that having an easy orgasm is a sign of promiscuity.

Or maybe, given the length of the relationship and age difference, he's just bored and frustrated that she's grown into an adult and this is one of his ways to externalize that.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:24

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

new phone who dis posted:

I dated a girl once who would orgasm real easy and the novelty kind of wore off. I also dated a sex addict and the novelty of that wore off, too. Sometimes the things you fantasize about aren't as good as you think they might be.

Man it sure is boring not having nights of sex where the mood is ruined due to one or both partners becoming frustrated despite their best efforts to not let such issues effect them, leading to a minor argument and extra late night as work stress related issues get hashed out at 2AM when neither party wanted an argument and then you fall asleep at 3:45 AM and have a nice brunch the next morning but that was gonna happen anyway.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:25

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

I dated one bogwitch who could only tolerate vaginal rodgering every 2-3 days because the intensity of her orgasms would throw her back out of alignment.

"objectively better" my rear end. Some things are worth the effort.

edit: i'm not bragging, her orgasms were that strong with or without my involvement. we were neighbors and she masturbated so good she hosed up her neck and started yelling for help, that's how we met.

PHIZ KALIFA fucked around with this message at 14:28 on Apr 27, 2017

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:25

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Guys, my girlfirend has a lot of orgasams when we have sex so I'm gonna break up with her.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:28

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Getting bucked off because I'M SENSITIVE RIGHT NOW is annoying. A friend suggested holding her down to keep going but uh. UH. NO.

gently caress him for everything else though.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:29

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

new phone who dis posted:

I dated a girl once who would orgasm real easy and the novelty kind of wore off. I also dated a sex addict and the novelty of that wore off, too. Sometimes the things you fantasize about aren't as good as you think they might be.

I can totally understand getting tired of someone who's a sex addict because that's basically an extreme version of not having matching sex drives, but the orgasm thing doesn't seem like it's a novelty thing? Like unless she gets hers and immediately stops or is just clearly not into it anymore I don't see how it'd be a problem and even then that's more of a selfishness problem than an easy orgasm problem.

edit:

Elsa posted:

Getting bucked off because I'M SENSITIVE RIGHT NOW is annoying. A friend suggested holding her down to keep going but uh. UH. NO.

gently caress him for everything else though.

This actually makes sense, that would be annoying, though hopefully a healthy couple would find a way to cope...

Ouhei fucked around with this message at 14:33 on Apr 27, 2017

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:30

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

r/deadbedrooms is usually a wretched hive of depression and sadness, but sometimes a dog saves the day:

Our cock block of a dog is not helping... (self.DeadBedrooms)

quote:

submitted 19 hours ago by introvertedlove

This is both a funny and frustrating short story.

Last night was the first time in over 2 months my LL SO and I had any sort of sexual intimacy. It was "date night" and we went out to dinner and a movie. Got home around 10ish and I had to shower and get ready for bed soon. SO mentioned he had a headache on the way home so I figured no sex tonight and shrugged it off. I was surprised to see him laying in bed when I got out of the shower since he usually stays up late playing games on his computer. I thought he was just tired.

Our dog, who is a 96lb 10 month old Great Dane, keeps jumping up and down from our bed, squeaking toys and not settling down on her bed that's at the foot of ours. She finally lays down on her bed and immediately followed was my SO grabbing me and pulling me on top of him, feeling his hard on thru his underwear. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least! We start making out and grinding and our dog hears us rustling around and decides to investigate. We stop, I lead her out of the room and then come back and shut the door. We continue where we left off but now we hear whining/barking and scratching at our door. We try to ignore it hoping she'd stop sooner or later.

Then she busts into the room and jumps on the bed. Our freaking dog opened a round handled door. WTF!? We laugh and kick her out again, clothes come off and my SO wants the "cake" position- doggy style (lol) but I'm on my stomach. A few thrusts in and she opens the door AGAIN just as he comes in under 60 seconds....The end.

To answer your question, yes- she has a crate and yes- she will be crated the next time and we will most likely be serenaded by her howls and whimpers.

The fact that we were distracted and his recurring PE problems are a whole other thing.

I know she has good reasons to call it that, and I know that the sentence makes sense and is probably not meant in a mean way, but "recurring PE problems" just sounds like a jab.

Or a great user name, whatever.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:32

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Ouhei posted:

I can totally understand getting tired of someone who's a sex addict because that's basically an extreme version of not having matching sex drives, but the orgasm thing doesn't seem like it's a novelty thing? Like unless she gets hers and immediately stops or is just clearly not into it anymore I don't see how it'd be a problem and even then that's more of a selfishness problem than an easy orgasm problem.

edit:

This actually makes sense, that would be annoying, though hopefully a healthy couple would find a way to cope...

HMM MAYBE apparently it's the gateway to chained orgasms but uh yeah to avoid domestic violence on the guy's part it probably requires a little bit of holding out instead of whatever op is doing.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:36

Count Thrashula: Jun 1, 2003; Death is nothing compared to vindication.; Buglord

Bubblyblubber posted:

my LL SO

Your what?

Bubblyblubber posted:

the "cake" position

The what?

Bubblyblubber posted:

his recurring PE problems

His what?

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:44

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

i've seen this thread pull up from a lotta death spirals, but this one feels different

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:47

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

COOL CORN posted:

Your what?

The what?

His what?

Low Libido Significant Other.

Dunno about the rest.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:52

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

COOL CORN posted:

Your what?

The what?

His what?

I'm guessing Low Libido and Premature Ejaculation. No idea what a cake position is, but it makes me imagine massively corpulent people piled on top of each other like layers in a wedding cake.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:52

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

is it a mispronuciation of bukkake position?

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:54

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

YIKES

My girlfriend is so insecure and self conscious that she often takes off my glasses so I can't clearly see in case there just so happen to be any pretty girls around.

quote:

Before I get into this, I just want to emphasize that I have extremely bad vision and cannot properly function without my glasses. My visual acuity is about a -4.00, which if you wear glasses or contacts you know is quite awful. I should also mention my girlfriend has quite severe depression and anxiety issues as well as PTSD.

So long story short, my girlfriend's self esteem and self worth issues are so severe that at times, she asks that I remove my glasses so I can't clearly see in case there just so happen to be any pretty girls around. There have been several instances when she has taken my glasses off my face without asking me as well. Every time she does this, it infuriates me, but I bite my tongue because I don't want to cause a scene or start a fight. Occasionally, though, I can't hold back and I say something snarky about it. And then that upsets her, so I end up comforting her, which is kind of hosed up because it's her fault in the first place.

One time, I accompanied her makeup shopping and she took my glasses off without asking. She could visibly see the anger in my face and asked about it, so I told her that it frustrates me when she takes my glasses off. I told her she should at least ask first. And that triggered an anxiety attack from her and somehow I ended up being the bad guy in that situation.

Another time, we were in the presence of her younger sister so she took my glasses off. She absolutely refuses to let me even so much as look in same direction as her sister because she thinks her sister is prettier. Bare in mind that her sister is only twelve. And my girlfriend is so self conscious that she thinks... what? That I'm going to leave her for a loving twelve year old? Anyway, this particular instance was shortly after I got new glasses. My girlfriend remarked how it was harder to take off these new glasses. I couldn't stop myself from saying "good!" in response. So she gave me my glasses and sarcastically said, "here, put your glasses on if you're going to be an rear end in a top hat about it." Once again, she was the one effectively blinding me, but I'm the one who's an rear end in a top hat?

This doesn't just extend to my glasses either. It feels like my girlfriend wants me to live in a bubble. She has problems with any form of media that has any even small hint of sexuality at all. She had a problem with me going to see the new Power Rangers movie because there's a brief scene of some of rangers in their underwear. I just wanted to see it because Power Rangers was important to my childhood and I wanted to see a giant robot punch a giant gold monster.

We also got into an argument one time about the legality of pornography. She thinks it should be illegal while I disagreed. I understand if someone doesn't want their significant other to watch porn in a relationship but making it illegal just seems repressive to me. Speaking of repression, I feel like I'm just trapped in a bubble at times. It feels like all I can watch are loving cartoons or kid's shows. God forbid anything have the slightest allusion to anything remotely sexual. And it's driving me crazy.

So what do you guys think? Is she being unreasonable? Or am I not being understanding enough? But, yeah, I just don't know what to do or how to talk to her about all this. I don't want to go through life in a bubble, but I feel like part of her is always going to subconsciously resent me for being a straight, heterosexual, cisgendered male while she's a demisexual. She claims she can't be attracted to someone without emotional connection. And I'm not like that. And I just feel like it could end up becoming too much of a divide. If anything, her anxiety over these matters has gotten worse over the course of our relationship as opposed to better. I feel like being with is making her just feel even more insecure.

TL;DR: My girlfriend is really insecure and takes my glasses off so I can't see pretty girls. She has a really harsh view on anything even remotely sexual and I feel like she's trying to keep me in a bubble because of it.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:55

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

zakharov posted:

YIKES

My girlfriend is so insecure and self conscious that she often takes off my glasses so I can't clearly see in case there just so happen to be any pretty girls around.

hahahahahaah

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:59

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

zakharov posted:

YIKES

My girlfriend is so insecure and self conscious that she often takes off my glasses so I can't clearly see in case there just so happen to be any pretty girls around.

Mr. Magoo reboot is not staying faithful to the original

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:58

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Elsa posted:

HMM MAYBE apparently it's the gateway to chained orgasms but uh yeah to avoid domestic violence on the guy's part it probably requires a little bit of holding out instead of whatever op is doing.

Yeah I am in no way advocating holding her down or anything like that.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 15:01

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Ouhei posted:

I can totally understand getting tired of someone who's a sex addict because that's basically an extreme version of not having matching sex drives, but the orgasm thing doesn't seem like it's a novelty thing? Like unless she gets hers and immediately stops or is just clearly not into it anymore I don't see how it'd be a problem and even then that's more of a selfishness problem than an easy orgasm problem.

edit:

This actually makes sense, that would be annoying, though hopefully a healthy couple would find a way to cope...

Yes, you feel like Superman the first few times but the whole thing gets old after a while. It's nice to have someone that can match you in the intensity and foreplay that isn't just flailing around like they're having a seizure the entire time because sneezing too hard makes them come. It also sometimes makes you feel like every encounter is about them. Once she would get that first orgasm she quickly got into the "more more more" mode and that's pretty one-sided and boring after a while. Also, she would get super wet and squirt, etc. so most encounters had a big clean-up session associated with them.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 15:08

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# ? May 30, 2024 06:31

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

new phone who dis posted:

Yes, you feel like Superman the first few times but the whole thing gets old after a while. It's nice to have someone that can match you in the intensity and foreplay that isn't just flailing around like they're having a seizure the entire time because sneezing too hard makes them come. It also sometimes makes you feel like every encounter is about them. Once she would get that first orgasm she quickly got into the "more more more" mode and that's pretty one-sided and boring after a while. Also, she would get super wet and squirt, etc. so most encounters had a big clean-up session associated with them.

loving woe is you.

These all sound like great problems.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 15:09

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