/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Never change. Never change.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:46

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# ? May 13, 2024 22:33

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I don't like when kids scream in public, either.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:46

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Panfilo posted:

I don't think Daddy Dredd will hit his kids. If he's so much about following the letter of the law then he'll know it is assault and child abuse. Child Removals have happened from as little as a red mark on a child's arm from when a parent grabbed them roughly.

And if mom really wants to protect her kids she's going to report him in a red hot minute when he hits his kids.

lol, this sort of person always has exceptions to their rules

it's okay though because they are so moral and truly know what is right!!!!!!

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:49

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I don't like when kids scream in public, either.

But do you wish that it was you screaming instead?

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:52

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Batterypowered7 posted:

But do you wish that it was you screaming instead?

I think it was a joke, friend

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:53

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Panfilo posted:

I don't think Daddy Dredd will hit his kids. If he's so much about following the letter of the law then he'll know it is assault and child abuse. Child Removals have happened from as little as a red mark on a child's arm from when a parent grabbed them roughly.

And if mom really wants to protect her kids she's going to report him in a red hot minute when he hits his kids.

hitting your kids is broadly legal depending on where you live, in the us you can get away with it. a dude who bothers teens to make sure they're not breaking the law is the kind of guy who's going to smack his toddler for backtalk

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:57

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Batterypowered7 posted:

But do you wish that it was you screaming instead?

I do believe that life is most fun for children who have not yet been crushed by the doleful melancholy of adult life. It *should* be me screaming, and yet I endure.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:56

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

i have no throwaway account, and i must post

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:57

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Hot Smart ARYAN Girl posted:

I think it was a joke, friend

No! Everything on the internet must be taken at face value!

# ? Apr 28, 2017 22:59

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Batterypowered7 posted:

Never change. Never change.

He should try it, and see if someone gives him an ice cream.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:02

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

boner confessor posted:

hitting your kids is broadly legal depending on where you live, in the us you can get away with it. a dude who bothers teens to make sure they're not breaking the law is the kind of guy who's going to smack his toddler for backtalk

Anything that leaves marks is grounds for child removal. And any mandated reporter that notices any marks or unusual behavior will contact CPS who will investigate the matter.

Since this guy is all about the letter of the law and its assumed he doesn't think hitting his kids is wrong then he'll be forthright with CPS and local police. And since obviously only a guilty man needs legal counsel he's not going to lawyer up either.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:05

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

i dunno i just think the guy who is so full of his own authority that he would try to exercise power over random teens would be an overly strict and borderline abusive dad

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:07

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Panfilo posted:

Anything that leaves marks is grounds for child removal. And any mandated reporter that notices any marks or unusual behavior will contact CPS who will investigate the matter.

Since this guy is all about the letter of the law and its assumed he doesn't think hitting his kids is wrong then he'll be forthright with CPS and local police. And since obviously only a guilty man needs legal counsel he's not going to lawyer up either.

He may not physically abuse him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he abused them in ways that didn't leave marks. I'm guessing he didn't get this way by having a stable and loving family that knew how to discipline children without physically/emotionally abusing them.

OP posted:

I have called him on it and he said hes been that way since forever because "his parents raised him right unlike everyone else"

I only semi believe that haha.

It's just a guess, though.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:08

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

boner confessor posted:

i dunno i just think the guy who is so full of his own authority that he would try to exercise power over random teens would be an overly strict and borderline abusive dad

I agree though I also think he'd be so full of himself he'd basically hang himself in court since he wouldn't think he was doing anything wrong. Plenty of these authoritarian idiots have this happen and lose custody of their kids/get charged with abuse/neglect.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:11

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

having small children is an exercise in patience and empathy, definitely not traits found in the self appointed teen morality patrol who insists everyone else in society is a degenerate

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:10

TROIKA CURES GREEK: Jun 30, 2015; by R. Guyovich

Panfilo posted:

Anything that leaves marks is grounds for child removal. And any mandated reporter that notices any marks or unusual behavior will contact CPS who will investigate the matter.

Since this guy is all about the letter of the law and its assumed he doesn't think hitting his kids is wrong then he'll be forthright with CPS and local police. And since obviously only a guilty man needs legal counsel he's not going to lawyer up either.

lol you are really naive.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:11

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Friend [25M] is dating a little person [20sF] he called her disgusting, ugly, ect in front of me and I'm [22F] not sure how/if to tell her.

I feel so bad for this woman. She seems sweet and I hope her "boyfriend" is run over by a truck soon. What is wrong with people? :smith:

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:10

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Zeroisanumber posted:

I made a comparison based on description. But if you want to get picky about it Quasimodo was pitiable but noble, and the guy you were dating sounds like a jerk.

Not every hunchbacked person is Quasimodo, not every dwarf is mini-me.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:12

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Fine, Corpus Collosus and Gimli it is.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:12

Faffel: Dec 31, 2008; A bouncy little mouse!

54 40 or gently caress posted:

What! What was the picture of? I'm so confused

A cat making a silly face. You can't trust anything!

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:13

TROIKA CURES GREEK: Jun 30, 2015; by R. Guyovich

like maybe that will happen in your super liberal city bubble but just fuckin' lol if you think that's going to happen in most places in the US.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:13

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Trying to think of a joke. Not sure how it goes exactly, but it ends with the sick nickname of Quasimotocross.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:16

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Faffel posted:

A cat making a silly face. You can't trust anything!

Yep, best not to read anything else about it. Nothing to see here, move along.

(Really wish I hadn't).

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:16

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

If that guy were really all about the letter of the law, he wouldn't hit his kids. But he actually cares much less about the law than he does about exerting control and authority over others, and about validating himself by demonizing others, so he's gonna beat the poo poo out of that toddler as soon as it learns to say "no."

Also can confirm, CPS won't do poo poo about a kid with bruises on their rear end. If dad says the kid was getting lippy and needed a come-to-Jesus with a willow switch, in most of the United States CPS will nod and smile and wander off even if the kid is still in diapers and the bruises are shaped like belt buckles. You can get flogged to within an inch of your life for the crime of being a kid who doesn't like bedtime, and nobody will lift a finger unless somebody breaks your bones.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:17

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

elise you're a nurse, what's your impression of how people treat the variably formed?

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:19

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

The only good news is that he'll probably end up in jail/the hospital for picking a fight with the wrong person before he can start 'disciplining' his kids.

He's already lucky none of the teens he's harassed decided to beat his rear end for it.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:21

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

He's going to get himself beaten pretty badly if he keeps at that. Trying to imagine how long he'd last doing that in the UK.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:21

The_end: May 17, 2014

Pvt.Scott posted:

Obvious solution is to see a therapist about it. With his luck though, she'll be a smoking hot librarian-type who wears expensive stockings and strappy heels; she'll also have terrible morals and ethics.

He will need therapy a couple times a week.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:23

doverhog: May 31, 2013; Defender of democracy and human rights 🇺🇦

Judge Dredd guy hates himself for not actually being a cop, and anyone who hates themself is a danger to all those around them.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:24

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Upstairs neighbors (20s, M/F) had a violent screaming fight for nearly an hour. Husband (35m) and I (32f) called police. Now neighbors are asking us to be more considerate next time so their kids don't get taken away.

quote:

Hi /r/relationships. My husband and I have recently witnessed (overheard is the better word, I guess) some bad stuff happening with our upstairs neighbors, and are looking for advice on how to proceed with caution. We'll both be reading this thread. Long post coming up.

General details:

My husband and I have been living in our middle floor apartment for 3 years. Living on the middle floor kind of sucks, but we've been here a while and are used to hearing footsteps, loud music, partying, and the occasional argument from our neighbors on all sides. We live in an OK part of town but it's not always great, and during our time here we've had to call the police from time to time when things get crazy around the building....things like drunken fights on the sidewalk outside, screaming matches in the middle of the night, etc. We try to be understanding (poo poo happens) but when it crosses a line into clearly unsafe situations, we do call the police. We also don't confront these situations personally as neither of us feels that's appropriate and we don't want to put ourselves at risk or get sucked into any drama-llama situations. If it's scary enough that we feel a call to the police is warranted, it's scary enough that we don't want to get involved. Especially when it's an apartment and everyone knows where everyone else lives.

Recently, some new neighbors moved in upstairs (we'll call them Chris and Pam). They have a couple of little boys (probably under age 8) who are cute and have stopped us on the stairs to say hi and tell us about their dogs. I'm not very outgoing and have never met either Chris or Pam, but my husband has talked a bit with Pam after we had maintenance help with minor plumbing leak from their apartment when they first moved in. It was no big deal but Pam asked to exchange numbers so that we could let them know if it happened again.

As you might imagine, having a family of four with two hyper little boys and two scampery little dogs living above us is inevitably a little obnoxious even at the best of times. But like I said, we're pretty used to the noise, so even though there are more running feet sounds than there were before, and occasional little-kid-jumping sorts of things, it's really all good. Both my husband and I work with kids and we're pretty understanding.

Background of the problem:

The issue that we've been having since they moved in is that Chris and Pam also yell a LOT. Like, on a daily basis. It's loud enough at times that I can easily make out entire sentences through our ceiling (which we haven't been able to do with any of our previous neighbors, some of whom also argued a lot). I do some of my work from home so I hear more of it than my husband does, but we've both expressed concern to each other that it's very loud and seems really excessive. It's not always clear if they're yelling at each other, the kids, the dogs, or whatever. I don't have children but I get that there are many different ways of parenting. I'm not trying to judge but it's a LOT of yelling. I've tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and just move on with my day. But I don't like hearing yelling every day.

About a month ago, my husband and I were both awoken at 2 a.m. by Pam and Chris screaming (not just yelling, but full-on throat screaming "gently caress YOU" etc.) at each other. Once we were awake, we heard what sounded like a violent argument (lots of banging and crashing) between the two of them. It was very late and very loud/aggressive sounding, so my husband called the police. We felt that was the right call. Nothing really improved and the daily arguments continued, but we didn't call the police again as the arguments didn't sound physical.

On Christmas day, Pam left a card on our door with a little bag of candy. The card read something like "Thanks for putting up with your noisy upstairs neighbors! " We haven't had any other personal interactions with them outside of my husband's first conversation with Pam, and we felt like this card was their attempt at damage control.

The incident:

Yesterday, around dinner time, I heard them starting up again. My husband was making chili and listening to Pandora but could hear screaming over the sound of the music. We turned the music off to try to decide what to do, and could hear Chris and Pam rage-screaming bloody murder at each other ("stop, stop, stop," "what the gently caress did I do," "look what you made me do," "they're going to call the cops," etc). It sounded like someone was being assaulted. At one point, it sounded like one person had locked themselves in the bathroom and the other person was trying to beat down the door. It was violent enough that our entire apartment (down to even the floorboards) was shaking.

The whole thing was loving terrifying. I've had some sketchy neighbors but have never overheard anything remotely as deadly as this. We did what any sane person would do and called the police immediately. During the call, they asked what we heard, who was in the apartment (including the fact that they have two young children), and that sort of thing. The police arrived, stayed for about 20 minutes, and then left. Start to finish, the entire episode was nearly an hour of sustained violent screaming and crashing.

Shortly after the police left, my husband got a very long upset text from Pam (signed from Pam & Chris). The gist was that she was sorry for being "noisy" and that we should let them know the next time "the kids are jumping or being too loud." She made an excuse about how her voice tends to carry when she is yelling at the kids but that she should be a better neighbor. She also said that the police told her that they would remove the boys from their home if this happened again, and asked us to be courteous and refrain from calling the cops again... and instead text Pam to let them know we were bothered.

My husband hasn't responded yet. We both feel like it's clear that the situation is beyond toxic, and that Pam and/or Chris are verbally and physically abusive (to each other, to the kids, or both). I think it's very likely that one person is abusing the other, and that the text was an attempt to cover for this abuse. In any case, it is a very unsafe situation for their children and it sickens me that Pam is playing off the whole thing on us being oversensitive to her "noisy kids." I'm not willing to enable whatever is happening upstairs. I also think it's foolish to assume that we are the only people in our building who are disturbed by hearing these brawls, or that we are the only ones who called the police last night.

I don't want to get tangled up in their situation, and I also want to be a good neighbor. But I don't think it's appropriate that she ask us to text her next time we hear one of them rage-screaming and beating the poo poo out of the other one. I think it's conceivable that we would either be a) texting a victim and asking her to STFU, and/or b) texting the perpetrator and fueling the situation.

I also feel some sense of apprehension that if we do call the police again, that Pam and/or Chris will shift the blame to us...which is absurd because they share walls with 3 other people. I am a wordy person (no poo poo, right?) with a savior complex that gets me into trouble, and inclined to over-explain why we called/offer help/etc. My husband wants to keep it short and sweet.

My heart breaks for the whole situation but I trust our decent local police to do a better job for them (and those little boys) than I would if I butted in personally. What do you think, reddit? How should we respond? What should we do next time?

TL;DR - Called the police on our neighbors after their violent screaming domestic. Then got a text from the neighbors playing it off and asking us to be more considerate next time. Kids involved as well. What do?

Edit: Per /u/22catch22's suggestion, we called our township police (who responded last night) to let them know about Pam's text, and received a call back from one of the officers who came out last night. He didn't have much advice for us except that we could block Pam's number if we wanted. He told us the neighbors have a lot going on (Chris just lost his job apparently) and that they seemed apologetic when the police arrived. They admitted to having a fight that got out of control. The police were concerned about the screaming but didn't see evidence that anyone had been physically hurt. That's surprising to me given that our floor/furniture was actually shaking during their fight, but I wasn't there so I don't know. He doesn't feel that there will be another problem...I hope that's true, but we'll see.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:26

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

doverhog posted:

Judge Dredd guy hates himself for not actually being a cop, and anyone who hates themself is a danger to all those around them.

Disagree. I mean I hate myself but I'm much too pathetic to every pose a danger to anyone.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:29

doverhog: May 31, 2013; Defender of democracy and human rights 🇺🇦

Don't watch any propaganda videos or join any cults, and maybe you can keep being mostly harmless. Wouldn't trust it tho.

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:33

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

one time a friend of mine graduated and had a party at a club and my wife and I went and there was a midget dancer working there and they had built iron handles into the ceiling above the bar so she could climb up there and grab on and twerk like crazy standing on the bar, so zach is an rear end in a top hat and little people deserve respect and should be allowed to rock their little bods without people being cruel about it

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:37

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Pick posted:

elise you're a nurse, what's your impression of how people treat the variably formed?

1. Devote their lives to caring for them, obtain their entire identity from their caregiver status, refuse to allow them to develop their own agency and identity, experience burnout and engage in intermittent abuse, insist on "doing everything" even when that means torturing their corpse until it rots

2. Shove them in a facility (if lucky) or a closet (if unlucky) and ignore them forever

3. Speak very loudly and slowly to them and treat them like idiot children

4. Exploit them whenever possible for money, sex, personal validation, drugs, etc

5. Insist that their differences of ability are made-up or too demanding or easily overcome if the person would just (yoga, essential oils, prayer, positive thinking, exercise more, whatever)

6. Awkwardly avoid them

7. Occasionally, have a normal human conversation or interaction as the ability difference permits, get to know them, gain new drinking buddy and/or recognize that assholes exist in all walks of life

8. Not really notice or care about the ability difference beyond appropriate accommodation and whatever the person chooses to express about their abilities and needs (not very common though)

9. Love and support them even when their abilities are minimal and make even basic communication difficult, find value in their lives and experiences, make any necessary outside decisions about their care with as much input from them as possible and with their true best interests in mind (yes, this really happens and is one of the best things in all of humanity)

# ? Apr 28, 2017 23:44

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

elise the great posted:

1. Devote their lives to caring for them, obtain their entire identity from their caregiver status, refuse to allow them to develop their own agency and identity, experience burnout and engage in intermittent abuse, insist on "doing everything" even when that means torturing their corpse until it rots

2. Shove them in a facility (if lucky) or a closet (if unlucky) and ignore them forever

3. Speak very loudly and slowly to them and treat them like idiot children

4. Exploit them whenever possible for money, sex, personal validation, drugs, etc

5. Insist that their differences of ability are made-up or too demanding or easily overcome if the person would just (yoga, essential oils, prayer, positive thinking, exercise more, whatever)

6. Awkwardly avoid them

7. Occasionally, have a normal human conversation or interaction as the ability difference permits, get to know them, gain new drinking buddy and/or recognize that assholes exist in all walks of life

8. Not really notice or care about the ability difference beyond appropriate accommodation and whatever the person chooses to express about their abilities and needs (not very common though)

9. Love and support them even when their abilities are minimal and make even basic communication difficult, find value in their lives and experiences, make any necessary outside decisions about their care with as much input from them as possible and with their true best interests in mind (yes, this really happens and is one of the best things in all of humanity)

So it's the exact same things they do to the mentallly disabled. Isn't humanity wonderful?

# ? Apr 29, 2017 00:04

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

That's how I treat pretty much everyone tbh

# ? Apr 29, 2017 00:15

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

I don't care if we met 5 minutes ago; I'm gonna try and put you in a home.

# ? Apr 29, 2017 00:17