May N/V: the long dark night is upon us

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > May N/V: the long dark night is upon us

«‹›68 »

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Jesus Dexo take your meds

# ? May 3, 2017 06:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 10:47

Dexo: Aug 15, 2009; A city that was to live by night after the wilderness had passed. A city that was to forge out of steel and blood-red neon its own peculiar wilderness.

Spoeank posted:

Trubisky could go for 6000 yards with 60 TDs and zero INTs every year for the next 15 years and the Bears win all 15 titles and it would still be a loving stupid trade because there was literally zero reason for the trade to happen.

And I still wouldn't care all the same. Being able to look from the outside in after the fact is a hell of an advantage that the people making the decision didn't have.

If you think Trubisky is the second coming and you think there is even a remote chance of someone taking him before you get a chance to pick you move up 3rds and a 4th be damned.

Dexo fucked around with this message at 07:13 on May 3, 2017

# ? May 3, 2017 07:01

xbilkis: Apr 11, 2005; god qb
me
jay hova

It's confirmed the 49ers thought the Bears maybe wanted Solomon Thomas, so if three mid-round picks were enough to convince them to let him go, they probably would have been willing to trade down to 12 or wherever and just been fine with Foster, yeah?

Trubisky is probably going to suck and it looks dumb as hell to trade three picks to move up one spot, but people seem to be willingly ignoring the fact that the Bears were protecting themselves from a third party swooping into take Trubisky

# ? May 3, 2017 07:05

Sataere: Jul 20, 2005; Step 1: Start fight
Step 2: Attack straw man
Step 3: REPEAT

Do not engage with me

LabyaMynora posted:

When people bring this up, I have to ask, are we sure that the athletes understand the finer points about their contracts? Is it possible that Glennon thinks he has a 3 year contract with the Bears and therefore will be with the Bears for 3 years?

Sure, we'd all like to believe his agent, who certainly does understand this, would fill him in on poo poo like this, but are we really sure this is happening?

Actually, this is a fair point. It wouldn't surprise me if he wasn't aware and all he knew was that it was the best offer out there.

Pace said in his press conference that he didn't make any types of promises or guarantees. I also believe that he really does like Mike Glennon.

Dexo posted:

Though Satere is waaaaay more optimistic about this roster than I am.

You could argue that Jordan Howard had a better season than Ezekiel Elliott last year. He didn't even win the starting job until a quarter if the way through the season and had a higher YPC on the year with an inferior line that knew he was their primary weapon.

Meredith only started 10 games, but had almost 1000 yards.

Zack Miller was a top ten receiving tight end before he got hurt.

On their offensive line, Sitton, Whitehair and Long might be one of the most talented interior lines in football and both guards were hurt for large parts of the year.

On defense, Hicks and Goldman are both promising players on the line. Freeman and Trevaithian were good with flashes of great from Freeman. Floyd looks like he could be a true difference maker on the outside.

Our secondary is hot garbage, big you have three second year players and a couple of free agents to help shore it up.

And we were one of the most injured teams in football.

I'm not saying we were a playoff team, just better than our record indicated. And we were hamstrung by injuries and poor coaching. There are still major question marks, but I was happy to see them address the offensive problems this draft.

Spoeank posted:

Trubisky could go for 6000 yards with 60 TDs and zero INTs every year for the next 15 years and the Bears win all 15 titles and it would still be a loving stupid trade because there was literally zero reason for the trade to happen.

This is without question. But if he does do that, you will hear about how other scouting departments were ready to pounce and that Pace was a genius for playing the draft the way they did. And in the end, if you played the wrong lotto numbers and win the Powerball, who loving cares? Would he really seem that much smarter if he drafted him at three and he busts hard?

# ? May 3, 2017 07:13

xbilkis: Apr 11, 2005; god qb
me
jay hova

Lest anyone think I have any faith in the Bears' decision-making process in general, I saw this sick gif

SKULL.GIF posted:

The Bears drafted this guy:

https://i.imgur.com/aFT0yT4.gifv

Thought "hey, maybe that small school RB could turn out better than I thought," googled him and immediately found this quote:

quote:

Many players often hope for a long career, but Cohen doesn�t see that in the cards for himself.

�I feel like I want to play at least three years in the league, that�s the average,� Cohen said. �I want to meet the average, get a good name for myself, and then take off in marketing and then do a lot of philanthropy work.�

Good to see they went after a dude who is aiming high and committed to football

# ? May 3, 2017 07:13

Dexo: Aug 15, 2009; A city that was to live by night after the wilderness had passed. A city that was to forge out of steel and blood-red neon its own peculiar wilderness.

xbilkis posted:

Good to see they went after a dude who is aiming high and committed to football

High football IQ = cashing out after the rookie deal and not getting killed as a 5'7 running back.

Sataere posted:

Actually, this is a fair point. It wouldn't surprise me if he wasn't aware and all he knew was that it was the best offer out there.

Pace said in his press conference that he didn't make any types of promises or guarantees. I also believe that he really does like Mike Glennon.

You could argue that Jordan Howard had a better season than Ezekiel Elliott last year. He didn't even win the starting job until a quarter if the way through the season and had a higher YPC on the year with an inferior line that knew he was their primary weapon.

Meredith only started 10 games, but had almost 1000 yards.

Zack Miller was a top ten receiving tight end before he got hurt.

On their offensive line, Sitton, Whitehair and Long might be one of the most talented interior lines in football and both guards were hurt for large parts of the year.

On defense, Hicks and Goldman are both promising players on the line. Freeman and Trevaithian were good with flashes of great from Freeman. Floyd looks like he could be a true difference maker on the outside.

Our secondary is hot garbage, big you have three second year players and a couple of free agents to help shore it up.

And we were one of the most injured teams in football.

I'm not saying we were a playoff team, just better than our record indicated. And we were hamstrung by injuries and poor coaching. There are still major question marks, but I was happy to see them address the offensive problems this draft.

This is without question. But if he does do that, you will hear about how other scouting departments were ready to pounce and that Pace was a genius for playing the draft the way they did. And in the end, if you played the wrong lotto numbers and win the Powerball, who loving cares? Would he really seem that much smarter if he drafted him at three and he busts hard?

I guess, but man do I have zero faith in Dowell Loggains, and John Fox. Fangio is cool though.

And that was the most amazing stuff to read during last year's football season. All the reports "leaked" from scouts and the war room about how man this team was totally gonna draft Dak, but *insert bullshit here* happened and they had to skip over him.

Dexo fucked around with this message at 07:22 on May 3, 2017

# ? May 3, 2017 07:16

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

xbilkis posted:

Lest anyone think I have any faith in the Bears' decision-making process in general, I saw this sick gif

Thought "hey, maybe that small school RB could turn out better than I thought," googled him and immediately found this quote:

Good to see they went after a dude who is aiming high and committed to football

Tarik Cohen rules lmao how can you read that and not instantly love him

# ? May 3, 2017 07:32

xbilkis: Apr 11, 2005; god qb
me
jay hova

Oh yeah, don't get me wrong. The tiny shifty backflipping dude who wants to leverage a short NFL stint into marketing career 100% owns, and I wish him good luck in getting away from the Bears as quickly as possible

# ? May 3, 2017 07:41

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

a neat cape posted:

OJ Simpson, San Francisco 49ers

Los Angeles Chargers.

# ? May 3, 2017 07:58

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

Spoeank posted:

Trubisky could go for 6000 yards with 60 TDs and zero INTs every year for the next 15 years and the Bears win all 15 titles and it would still be a loving stupid trade because there was literally zero reason for the trade to happen.

If this actually happened (lol) the trade would be nothing but a footnote

# ? May 3, 2017 11:55

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

I was secretly hoping the Packers would get Jamaal but I knew there was no loving chance after they just drafted 3 RBs. C'est la vie.

# ? May 3, 2017 13:31

3 DONG HORSE: May 22, 2008; I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

I think if you combine all the Broncos running backs you get 1.5 knees

# ? May 3, 2017 13:50

mastershakeman: Oct 28, 2008; by vyelkin

the bears are going to follow that algorithm of next year's wins = 4+.5*last years

so they'll get 5 or 6 wins, Glennon will get hurt, Sanchez will come in and play more games, be bad, and trubs will play out the final meaningless month

then fox and his staff will say there's improvement and they need extensions and this was a developmental year and the bears will take a mediocre player at #8 overall

# ? May 3, 2017 14:16

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

LOL at the bears getting 5-6 wins

# ? May 3, 2017 14:48

Sataere: Jul 20, 2005; Step 1: Start fight
Step 2: Attack straw man
Step 3: REPEAT

Do not engage with me

Dexo posted:

I guess, but man do I have zero faith in Dowell Loggains, and John Fox. Fangio is cool though.

Fox is fired if he doesn't make the playoffs. I think the Bears are closer to a .500 team last year if Fox isn't their coach.

It still infuriates me that we could've had Gase and Fangio if the Bears hadn't decided to hire a guy with experience at getting fired to compliment their young GM. gently caress, if Gase were here and they'd traded up for Trubisky, I would be a lot more confident that they knew what they were doing.

xbilkis posted:

Oh yeah, don't get me wrong. The tiny shifty backflipping dude who wants to leverage a short NFL stint into marketing career 100% owns, and I wish him good luck in getting away from the Bears as quickly as possible

I heard his interview on the radio. He owns hard.

Sataere fucked around with this message at 17:20 on May 3, 2017

# ? May 3, 2017 14:55

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

Justin Forsett retired. RIP to the generation's most important Twitter avatar.

# ? May 3, 2017 15:12

Shangri-Law School: Feb 19, 2013

Bob McGinn is retiring and moving back to his home state of Michigan. Another Packer fixture brought back from the dark land.

# ? May 3, 2017 15:39

fishing with the fam: Feb 29, 2008; Durr

The Bears schedule has their tough games heavily front loaded. So this is a great year to win 5 of their last 8 to finish 6-10. Then they can claim improvement and finishing on a high note, despite not actually improving in any appreciable way. The perfect excuse to keep John Fox as head coach. This is going to happen, and I will be pissed off.

# ? May 3, 2017 16:50

Sataere: Jul 20, 2005; Step 1: Start fight
Step 2: Attack straw man
Step 3: REPEAT

Do not engage with me

Dumb phone double post

# ? May 3, 2017 17:19

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

https://twitter.com/AnthonyLy49/status/859751630463434754

# ? May 3, 2017 17:21

Tom Sellout: May 27, 2011; $240 million of Johnny Walker Blue and Throatzilla's services.

lol, Jed York is incapable of taking any blame.

# ? May 3, 2017 17:21

whypick1: Dec 18, 2009; Just another jackass on the Internet

And he roots for Notre Dame :barf:

# ? May 3, 2017 17:24

Sataere: Jul 20, 2005; Step 1: Start fight
Step 2: Attack straw man
Step 3: REPEAT

Do not engage with me

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

https://twitter.com/AnthonyLy49/status/859751630463434754

Sorry Jeb, dinner is for men only.

# ? May 3, 2017 17:27

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

whypick1 posted:

And he roots for Notre Dame

He's a Notre Dame alumni, which is why I figured they'd draft Kizer second overall.

# ? May 3, 2017 17:29

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Los Angeles Chargers.

No, to keep going you're supposed to take a great player who finished their career with some random team. Let me help.

Johnny Unitas, San Diego Charger

# ? May 3, 2017 17:39

Fenrir: Apr 26, 2005; I found my kendo stick, bitch!; Lipstick Apathy

a neat cape posted:

No, to keep going you're supposed to take a great player who finished their career with some random team. Let me help.

Johnny Unitas, San Diego Charger

Joe Montana, Kansas City Chief. Am I doing it right?

E: also, Tom Brady, Los Angeles Ram :laffo:

# ? May 3, 2017 17:42

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Tom Brady is going to the Texans after this year. It's pretty obvious.

# ? May 3, 2017 17:49

mastershakeman: Oct 28, 2008; by vyelkin

fishing with the fam posted:

The Bears schedule has their tough games heavily front loaded. So this is a great year to win 5 of their last 8 to finish 6-10. Then they can claim improvement and finishing on a high note, despite not actually improving in any appreciable way. The perfect excuse to keep John Fox as head coach. This is going to happen, and I will be pissed off.

it's too perfect to not happen

# ? May 3, 2017 17:54

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Fenrir posted:

Joe Montana, Kansas City Chief. Am I doing it right?

E: also, Tom Brady, Los Angeles Ram

I'll also accept Donovan McNabb, Washington Racial Slur or Wes Welker, St Louis Ram

# ? May 3, 2017 18:00

whypick1: Dec 18, 2009; Just another jackass on the Internet

Jerry Rice, Seattle Seahawk

# ? May 3, 2017 18:02

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

Tom Brady is going to the Texans after this year. It's pretty obvious.

The most famous interaction between Brady and BOB was... Brady basically telling him to go gently caress himself, loudly and repeatedly, on live TV. I'm not sure he wants anything to do with the Texans.

e: Brady is famous for taking rear end chewings from Belichick as an example for the rest of the team, but the second BOB tried to do it Brady acted like some random scrub made a joke about his mom's cancer.

# ? May 3, 2017 18:04

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

You suddenly realize that Donovan McNabb, Tom Brady, and Daunte Culpepper are all the same age.

# ? May 3, 2017 18:07

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

SKULL.GIF posted:

You suddenly realize that Donovan McNabb, Tom Brady, and Daunte Culpepper are all the same age.

Brady is old as gently caress and nobody knows when ~~the unlisted PED side effects will finish him off~~ time will finally catch up to him.

He could blow out both knees in training camp because he's stupidly old to be doing this poo poo. He could have 1-2 more good seasons in him. Or he could be an unprecedented eternal curse on the NFL.

:confuoot:

# ? May 3, 2017 18:12

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

sean10mm posted:

The most famous interaction between Brady and BOB was... Brady basically telling him to go gently caress himself, loudly and repeatedly, on live TV. I'm not sure he wants anything to do with the Texans.

e: Brady is famous for taking rear end chewings from Belichick as an example for the rest of the team, but the second BOB tried to do it Brady acted like some random scrub made a joke about his mom's cancer.

He's not going to have a say in it.

# ? May 3, 2017 18:15