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BIG HEADLINE
Jun 13, 2006

"Stand back, Ottawan ruffian, or face my lumens!"

Gorn Myson posted:

This is exactly my idea behind it. He'd be fearlessly winging these completely empty self-help style lectures and people will lap it up.

"He's so *humble*!"

I kind of want one of Bighead's former employees to become his own personal Frank Grimes who does nothing but drive-bys him like the "jackass" guy in Happy Gilmore.

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Red Oktober
May 24, 2006

wiggly eyes!



Quoting, as I'm sure something will happen to remove it from the site in the next few episodes:

LetterFromHooliCEOJackBarker posted:

An Important Message from Hooli CEO Jack Barker

We sure are sorry.

Here at Hooli, we will be the first to admit when we have made a mistake. For a long time Hooli has
stressed that in order to achieve greatness, we must achieve goodness. While that sentiment is felt
throughout Hooli, it seems the man who coined it may have forgotten what matters most, you.
We know transparency is paramount. So here’s exactly what happened:
In the last few days Gavin Belson, Hooli’s former CEO, acquired the popular video chat application
PiperChat. Belson, giving in to his naturally reckless nature, pushed the acquisition of PiperChat through
quickly and purposely bypassed Hooli legal’s due diligence period.
Had our legal team looked under the hood at PiperChat, they would have realized that it was the tech
equivalent of overturning a big rock and finding thousands of creepy crawlin’ spiders.
PiperChat failed to implement & enforce basic controls to keep your children safe. In the process, it looks
like they managed to violate the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA). Over, and over, and
over.

As you may know, I used to be CEO of Pied Piper before exiting voluntarily due to our incompatible
priorities. Now it’s clear their leadership lacks a moral compass, and they forgot about any tech
company's first responsibility: protecting the decent folks who make this big blue marble great. Like our
troops. Troops: thank you for your service.
While the illegal activity began at PiperChat, the blame lies solely on Gavin Belson. Regrettably Belson,
his judgement clouded by insecurity and arrogance, failed to take the time to properly vet PiperChat, and
that can’t be tolerated.
Hooli’s utmost priority is ensuring something like this never happens again. Personally, this hits close to
home. Family means everything to me, and the thought of one of the littlest members of the Barker brood
chatting with someone, a Gavin Belson type for instance, sure does scares the heck out of me.

We are working with Federal Trade Commission to resolve this as quickly as
possible, and we will do everything we can to flip over the covered wagon, put the
yoke back on the ox and be back on our way over the Cascades to the Pacific.
From the bottom of my heart, I will do all I can to earn back your trust, and prove that our Action will speak
louder than the previous leadership’s words.

JACK

HooliPressRelease posted:

Hooli Names Jack Barker in as CEO as Gavin Belson Exits
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. ­ Hooli, Inc., announced today that Gavin Belson has exited his role as
Chief Executive Officer of Hooli, effective immediately. Hooli’s board of directors has named
Jack Barker as the new CEO. Jack Barker moves from his previous post as Hooli­Endframe’s
Head of Product. Before Hooli, Barker served as the CEO for companies such as Entercross
Systems and Turnwire.
“I look forward to focusing on spiritual wellness and family,” said Belson, “The Hooli corporation
is exceptionally well positioned to continue its growth as an industry leader. While a difficult
personal decision, this is the right choice for me at this time. I will always cherish my time at
Hooli and look forward to future challenges and opportunities.”

A spokesperson for the Hooli board has stated: “The Hooli Board would like to thank Gavin for
his commitment and effort throughout his time at Hooli. We wish him the best of luck with his
future endeavors, and hope he finds the spiritual wellness he seeks. We have begun working
with the Federal Trade Commission regarding compliance issues at a company recently
acquired by Hooli, and will do everything in our power to cooperate with the federal
government.”
“I’d like to thank Gavin for all he has done to establish Hooli as one of the premier tech
corporations of our day,” Barker stated. “I will do all I can to navigate this great company into its’
next stage. We at Hooli pledge to work with the Federal Trade Commission to resolve this
matter and commit ourselves to earning back the public trust.”

GobiasIndustries
Dec 14, 2007

Lipstick Apathy

Echo Chamber posted:

hooli.com has got the full Jack Barker treatment.

The marketing team at HBO must have a loving blast between this and Veep.

Binary Logic
Dec 28, 2000

Fun Shoe
Last week's obsession was on the Always Blue ball. But what is this?



Not, 'what is it?", but like, why is it? Who came up with it. What is the point or rationale. Do they ride it until they crash into something. Anyone here have personal experience riding the teamcycle or whatever it is called. What is it called.

Don't tell me to google it, don't want to use it for this.

Binary Logic fucked around with this message at 01:23 on May 9, 2017

MiddleOne
Feb 17, 2011

Binary Logic posted:

Last week's obsession was on the Always Blue ball. But what is this?



Not, 'what is it?", but like, why is it? Who came up with it. What is the point or rationale. Do they ride it until they crash into something. Anyone here have personal experience riding the teamcycle or whatever it is called.

Looks like the boring version of a drinking cycle.

Accretionist
Nov 7, 2012
I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
Meeting Bike?

The juices are flowing, the red corpuscles are corpuscling, the breeze is cool and your meeting format is wholly disrupted or something

Capn Jobe
Jan 18, 2003

That's right. Here it is. But it's like you always have compared the sword, the making of the sword, with the making of the character. Cuz the stronger, the stronger it will get, right, the stronger the steel will get, with all that, and the same as with the character.
Soiled Meat

Binary Logic posted:

Last week's obsession was on the Always Blue ball. But what is this?



Not, 'what is it?", but like, why is it? Who came up with it. What is the point or rationale. Do they ride it until they crash into something. Anyone here have personal experience riding the teamcycle or whatever it is called. What is it called.

Don't tell me to google it, don't want to use it for this.

Back in S1 it was referred to as a device for "bike meetings", where teams would ride the bike around while meeting.

Also in that scene, anyone else notice that the building behind them was labelled "student union"? Did they film that at a college campus?

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.
I think in the first episode Gavin was also observing how the worker cliques have the same basic makeup of nerd archetypes. That was great.

Binary Logic
Dec 28, 2000

Fun Shoe
Also great callback when they're in Gavin Belson's room, the car says "Select destination" to Jared and he shudders and runs away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UBdrMTxsvs

mrmcd
Feb 22, 2003

Pictured: The only good cop (a fictional one).

Binary Logic posted:

Last week's obsession was on the Always Blue ball. But what is this?



Not, 'what is it?", but like, why is it? Who came up with it. What is the point or rationale. Do they ride it until they crash into something. Anyone here have personal experience riding the teamcycle or whatever it is called. What is it called.

Don't tell me to google it, don't want to use it for this.

It's just like an impractical gimmick bicycle for 8 people. Some people at Google rode one to the top of a nearby mountain once because it was a nice day and a silly thing to do. The tech industry is weird don't think too hard about it.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Binary Logic posted:

Also great callback when they're in Gavin Belson's room, the car says "Select destination" to Jared and he shudders and runs away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UBdrMTxsvs

That was my favorite part of this episode. And his woos.

He really is the best character.

SLOSifl
Aug 10, 2002


It's a bike for people who use "team building" as a noun to use for a quick team building.

I work remotely in a huge corporation and that is exactly what I'd expect to find in an open campus location. I usually go to office towers which don't have the space. They have small coffee pots and keep the "good sandwiches" three floors down in a vending machine to ensure people keep focused while eating or on breaks.

M_Gargantua
Oct 16, 2006

STOMP'N ON INTO THE POWERLINES

Exciting Lemon

Binary Logic posted:

Last week's obsession was on the Always Blue ball. But what is this?



Not, 'what is it?", but like, why is it? Who came up with it. What is the point or rationale. Do they ride it until they crash into something. Anyone here have personal experience riding the teamcycle or whatever it is called. What is it called.

Don't tell me to google it, don't want to use it for this.

One person steers, they generally have the seat in the "back" thats slightly elevated. Its kinda fun, and the best ones have minibars in the center with someone who knows the area steering while the drunk people just peddle. (The driver also has a clutch to disconnect everybody peddling so he can stop the bike)

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013




take a look at the new Hooli website, which is going all-in with Action Jack's B2B Box: http://hooli.xyz

SaviourX
Sep 30, 2003

The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

^^^^
Previous page.

Echo Chamber posted:

hooli.com has got the full Jack Barker treatment.

The Software and Hardware splash might be a stealth goatse, but there's no ring!

Binary Logic
Dec 28, 2000

Fun Shoe

Troy Queef posted:

take a look at the new Hooli website, which is going all-in with Action Jack's B2B Box: http://hooli.xyz

"Our products are products"

Pope Guilty
Nov 6, 2006

The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

M_Gargantua posted:

One person steers, they generally have the seat in the "back" thats slightly elevated. Its kinda fun, and the best ones have minibars in the center with someone who knows the area steering while the drunk people just peddle. (The driver also has a clutch to disconnect everybody peddling so he can stop the bike)

I saw one of these pedaling around Asheville a couple of years ago. I dunno what kind of liquor license you have to have to sell alcohol under those circumstances.

extravadanza
Oct 19, 2007

Pope Guilty posted:

I saw one of these pedaling around Asheville a couple of years ago. I dunno what kind of liquor license you have to have to sell alcohol under those circumstances.

The ones near me don't provide alcohol, you have to bring your own.

Poppyseed Poundcake
Feb 23, 2007

mrmcd posted:

It's just like an impractical gimmick bicycle for 8 people

The showrunner put the bike in as a hidden metaphor for communism. Actually the entire series is a metaphor where Hooli represents the USSR, Belson is Stalin, Jack Barker is Krushev. Pied Piper is supposed to represent the Nazis in WWII, with Richard being Hitler and Erlich being Mussolini. Jin Yiang in this metaphor is supposed to represent the USA. It's pretty easy to see what the show runner was going for once you know the signs to look for.

ptkfvk
Apr 30, 2013

Poppyseed Poundcake posted:

The showrunner put the bike in as a hidden metaphor for communism. Actually the entire series is a metaphor where Hooli represents the USSR, Belson is Stalin, Jack Barker is Krushev. Pied Piper is supposed to represent the Nazis in WWII, with Richard being Hitler and Erlich being Mussolini. Jin Yiang in this metaphor is supposed to represent the USA. It's pretty easy to see what the show runner was going for once you know the signs to look for.

this is also how i took it.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??




Fun Shoe

ptkfvk posted:

this is also how i took it.

Wait... people were looking at it a different way?

lifts cats over head
Jan 17, 2003

Antagonist: A bad man who drops things from the windows.
Only people who don't know how to TV.

Cojawfee
May 31, 2006
I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius
Art can only be interpreted one way, so it's pretty obvious.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.
Yeah, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. I think that's called Shroedinger's Cat theory.

Raccooon
Dec 5, 2009

Pope Guilty posted:

I saw one of these pedaling around Asheville a couple of years ago. I dunno what kind of liquor license you have to have to sell alcohol under those circumstances.

Nashville has them all over downtown. They are filled with drunk bachelorette parties.

vanity slug
Jul 20, 2010

They're a massive scourge in Amsterdam and other major European stag party centers.

Colonel Whitey
May 22, 2004

This shit's about to go off.
Yeah they have them where I live too, basically they're for bar hopping and you can also bring your own beer along. I don't think any of them actually sell beer.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.
So do you not get a DUI because you're not the one steering?

John F Bennett
Jan 30, 2013

I always wear my wedding ring. It's my trademark.

The ones I know actually have beer taps + barrels on board. You just serve yourself while pedalling. Mostly used for bachelor parties and other dumb student stuff.

lifts cats over head
Jan 17, 2003

Antagonist: A bad man who drops things from the windows.
Thar Richard really is a cautionary tale.

Boris Galerkin
Dec 17, 2011

I don't understand why I can't harass people online. Seriously, somebody please explain why I shouldn't be allowed to stalk others on social media!

Solice Kirsk posted:

So do you not get a DUI because you're not the one steering?

No, the ones that serve/let you sell beer have an actual employee/person that you pay that does the "driving." They don't drink, they just steer you around a pre-routed course and some of the better ones are fun and interesting and give you nice insights and interact with you to some extent.

The larger ones that you see on the streets are actually motorized and have plates etc. My immersion was definitely ruined when I saw a guy back out a party bike cart thing like a golf cart.

Cojawfee
May 31, 2006
I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius
Maybe the pedaling powers the battery.

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005


They probably have motors to move them around but you are definetly powering them with the pedals. I did one for a bachelor party and they are really loving stupid and you look like a weekend warrior idiot on them. I know you have to power them with the pedals because only like 4 of the 15 people invited actually showed and we had to pedal it on our own .They are also comically expensive to rent.

Colonel Whitey
May 22, 2004

This shit's about to go off.
They also take up a whole loving lane on busy streets in my city and go like 8 mph

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005


Oh yeah that is maybe the worst part. We were blocking traffic the whole time and it was in the neighborhood I lived in and I always cursed those things, and here I was on one, being the pos that every local hates. They also blast incredibly loud lovely music.

It was also 400 dollars for 1.5 hours and the dude acted like he got stiffed when he only got tipped like $100. gently caress those miserable things.

veni veni veni fucked around with this message at 06:49 on May 11, 2017

underage at the vape shop
May 11, 2011

by Cyrano4747
only $100 for 1.5 hours work.

Red Oktober
May 24, 2006

wiggly eyes!



And for some odd reason, in Germany you get breathalysed before getting on them.

get that OUT of my face
Feb 10, 2007

The first I've ever heard of those group bike devices was from an episode of Detroiters. I checked the website that was advertised on it and I was shocked to learn it was real.

Rexides
Jul 25, 2011

I first saw them in this show, and my reaction was "Well, obviously!"

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Pope Guilty
Nov 6, 2006

The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

Red Oktober posted:

And for some odd reason, in Germany you get breathalysed before getting on them.

Operating a bicycle while intoxicated is DUI, at least in the states, though it doesn't really make sense on one of these for that to apply to anybody but the person steering.

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