/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Pick posted:

I keep thinking back to that part of Beauty and the Beast where he got really mad that she tried to touch his magic flower, and then she ran off, but because there were wolves he went to help her, so maybe if I put myself in horrible danger he will come help me, and maybe the reason he hasn't is that I'm not in danger? He did bring me soup once.

Flawless logic

# ? May 10, 2017 03:00

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# ? May 16, 2024 23:39

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Yo please don't keep around memorabilia of your abusive ex boyfriend, I'm like starting to worry you're going to suck start a revolver Pick. It's getting really sad. I'm starting to feel bad for you.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:00

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

You obv have to cut off a finger and send it to him saying you've been kidnapped

# ? May 10, 2017 03:00

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Turtlicious posted:

Yo please don't keep around memorabilia of your abusive ex boyfriend, I'm like starting to worry you're going to suck start a revolver Pick. It's getting really sad. I'm starting to feel bad for you.

He's not even her ex she's just obsessed with him lol

# ? May 10, 2017 03:01

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Turtlicious posted:

Yo please don't keep around memorabilia of your abusive ex boyfriend, I'm like starting to worry you're going to suck start a revolver Pick. It's getting really sad. I'm starting to feel bad for you.

He wasn't my boyfriend.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:01

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Blue Train posted:

You obv have to cut off a finger and send it to him saying you've been kidnapped

I did consider getting engaged to this horrible rich guy who treated me terribly, in the hopes that Hugh would do the Long Walk to Forever thing, but he wasn't really good at long walks so it didn't seem like a great idea.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:03

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

Pick posted:

I keep thinking back to that part of Beauty and the Beast where he got really mad that she tried to touch his magic flower, and then she ran off, but because there were wolves he went to help her, so maybe if I put myself in horrible danger he will come help me, and maybe the reason he hasn't is that I'm not in danger? He did bring me soup once.

Oh my God please put yourself in the most horrible danger you can imagine and make sure the only way you live through it is that this dude comes save you.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:04

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

I'll save you

# ? May 10, 2017 03:04

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Pick posted:

I did consider getting engaged to this horrible rich guy who treated me terribly, in the hopes that Hugh would do the Long Walk to Forever thing, but he wasn't really good at long walks so it didn't seem like a great idea.

No poo poo he's in a wheelchair

# ? May 10, 2017 03:04

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

swing and a miss here's something else

Boyfriend had porn anime pictures/comics of flat-chested underage anime girls...is this normal?

quote:

So anyways, I'm 18, he's 22, and we've been dating for around a year. He's a pretty active poster on this one site and I found a topic he made. Basically in the topic he and some of his friends talk about 'schwing-worthy' topics and pictures, the majority of these pictures being pictures of underage anime girls who look like they're twelve. My bf is really into the anime scene btw.
Well anyways, he claims that he just has those pics and comics because he found the expressions cute, but if it's just 'cute', then why would he talk about them being hot/sexy and arousing? Plus, these are like...pictures of what looks like little kids. Is this kind of thing normal? This is my first relationship so I'm not sure what to think.

Charles Get-Out posted:

Olde poste, but if you thought this way about him why did you hang around him

# ? May 10, 2017 03:24

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Please Help Quick -- My boyfriend (25) is "revenge" masturbating to Facebook pictures of girls he knows...

quote:

My boyfriend will be home soon so I'm trying to get as much feedback as I can.

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend of 4 years let me (24/F) use his computer to edit some photos for work. When I right clicked to re-open a file, I saw a string of photo files in his history that I recognized as being from Facebook. I clicked on one and saw it was a photo of a girl he knows from high school. And so were all the rest. When I attempted to open the folder they were in, it was hidden on the computer.

I confronted him immediately as I (correctly) assumed he was using these photos to masturbate, and he ultimately fessed up after the initial fib that they were "really old" (some where saved as early as a week before). I was pretty hurt, especially at first, because one of the girls I was worried about posts provocative photos on Facebook and was hitting on him at a party last year and he told me back then I had "nothing to worry about."

He said he does it because he used to be in the shadows in high school (he has since come out of his shell, is good looking and confident) so he "revenge" masturbates to them as a way of getting back at those who never noticed him before. He really put himself down and called himself a pervert. I didn't name call, I didn't yell, I tried to understand. I reminded him that there is someone (me) who notices him every day and loves him. I told him I didn't think he was a pervert as I wasn't interested in comparing what "normal" is...but that I was NOT okay with this behavior as I felt it wasn't healthy for our relationship. He agreed, deleted the folder, and promised to earn my trust back and stop. He did let me know that this has been habitual for him for years, so I told him that I wanted to be open about it and that he could talk to me if he was having trouble breaking the habit. He promised he would.

I caved. I've been traveling a ton for work and I had a moment of lack of trust today. I admit it. I just looked at his browser history and he looked at at least 100 photos of two girls he was pining after before we started dating and about 50 of his best friend's girlfriend who frequents our house. I'm heart broken. Would anyone else consider this a deal breaker? I'm hurt because he promised he'd be open with me if he was doing it again. He started up the night I went out of town for work (it was late at night, so I'm assuming he wasn't looking at 100 pictures of these two girls for any other reason)...

I know I looked and I will take responsibility in my part for that, but your help is appreciated.

TL;DR: My boyfriend admitted to revenge masturbating to Facebook photos of girls on Facebook when he was caught. He promised to stop and talk to me if he was having issues stopping (it's been a habit for years) and started up the day I went out of town this week for work. Dealbreaker?

the best revenge is a dick slapped hard.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:27

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

dudeness posted:

Please Help Quick -- My boyfriend (25) is "revenge" masturbating to Facebook pictures of girls he knows...

the best revenge is a dick slapped hard.

get some self-respect, girl!

# ? May 10, 2017 03:30

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

dudeness posted:

Please Help Quick -- My boyfriend (25) is "revenge" masturbating to Facebook pictures of girls he knows...

the best revenge is a dick slapped hard.

Just message all the people he did that to that are in relationships, and tell them.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:30

cyberia: Jun 24, 2011; Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.

insufficient guns posted:

No. Stag do is a thing. Hen do is a thing. Leaving do is a thing. Work do is a thing. Why can't goons handle British English??

Ask the goon hivemind what it thinks about the word 'fortnight'.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:32

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I don't know, he was grouchy but sensitive and uncertain and arrogant. He had impenetrable depths

I wanted him but no one else did, it's like a jeweler looking at a rough stone and knowing that maybe it is good inside.

But then my friend was like "Oh, do you remember the Shrek thing about onions and layers" and I was like "yeah, he has layers" and she was like "but they're all onion. Like the onion has layers but all of them are onion". She didn't like him.

Pick fucked around with this message at 03:37 on May 10, 2017

# ? May 10, 2017 03:35

putrid aidsman: Apr 13, 2017; by Lowtax

quote:

My [24F] boyfriend's [28M] hygiene is abhorrent. Is this even worth addressing?

Alright. This is a long nasty one. Before it gets said, yes I'm almost certainly ending this relationship because of this. Question is "is it even worth bringing up?" and trying to fix? Or just nope out of this? And leave some other poor girl to deal with it in the future?

We've been dating 4.5 years. Living together for over 1. I didn't see this issue arise beforehand. Obviously when you live together, you get to see the other halfs nasty habits. His hygiene and general living habits have brought me to the breaking point. Everyday I ask myself "how does someone do this," "how did I manage to get the guy who does this??"

Alright, examples of his habits/hygiene.

He doesn't seem to know how to wipe properly. Yes he is a bigger guy but he is not incapable of this BY ANY MEANS. He is not restricted at all, movement wise. Sometimes I'm standing by him and I get a whiff and want to gag. His laundry for underwear is as bad as you'd think. Worst part? It's not just the underwear. It's on the inside of his loving jeans. He wears gym shorts sometimes and I can see it.

And he doesn't even wash these regularly. He will wear these jeans/shorts for 2 weeks straight. And HE KNOWS to some extent because before he changes, I'll catch him sometimes sniffing and seeing if it's good. I wish I was lying, I'm disgusted and embarrassed just typing this.

After he goes to the bathroom, he leaves the toilet clogged 75% of the time. Sometimes with poo poo streaks on the rim. Yes, this is my life.

He will wear the same shirt for a week straight. He wipes his nose on it. He drops food on it. So his shirts are stained and he doesn't seem to loving care or mind.

I am EMBARRASSED to go out in public with him. Because I worry that he will smell. Or he will not change his clothes. And most of the time he doesn't. Sometimes I have to outright tell him to change shirts and he hems and haws and acts like I'm overreacting.

He showers every morning before work. But he will not shower, 99% of the time, during the weekend.

I get it. Some weekends I won't shower for 2 days if I'm lounging around at home. The issue is that he reeks. His hair gets greasy. He gets bad dandruff. But he almost never showers when we go somewhere! After he hasn't showered for 2 days and he reeks and his hair is disgusting!

This past weekend we went out of town to visit a relative and see a movie. He hadnt showered in 2 days. I politely asked if he was going shower. He said no and we went in the same shirt he has worn all week with disgusting hair and smelled terrible (he sprays himself with body spray like that helps!)

I've outright told him to take a shower. He will say "why? I'm not exercising, I'm not doing any physical labor, i haven't sweat, etc". He literally thinks that he does not get gross and dirty if he hasn't strained himself with physical labor/exercise to cause one to be smelly. I cannot get it though to him.

I refuse to give BJs anymore after I've learned this things. Sex itself is almost nonexistent (another issue and reason why I want to break up).

I will tell him to please shower if he wants anything. But then he will say "I showered yesterday morning and all I've done is work and sleep, I don't get why you think that somehow makes you dirty?"

I won't even mention his mouth hygiene. Needless to say I won't kiss him anymore.

This is just a few nasty things, I won't bore or disgust you with more. I'm embarrassed of him. He's never met my dads side of the family and I'm embarrassed just thinking about him meeting other family. I get jealous of girls who are with guys who look like they at least took a loving shower that morning and tried to not be disgusting.

This man is almost 30 years old. Do I even bother bringing this up? I'm going to probably break up with him, but is there any point if even trying to discuss this with him? Try to fix it? Anything? I've outright told him these things and he brushes it off as me being naggy and overreacting. I know I'm not. He has a lot of friends, which is baffling sometimes. And they don't seem to care. They aren't gross like him either.

TL;DR: boyfriends hygiene is utterly disgusting and I'm probably going to break up. Should I bother bringing this up at all before/while breaking up? Anything I should do?

# ? May 10, 2017 03:37

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Pick posted:

I did consider getting engaged to this horrible rich guy who treated me terribly, in the hopes that Hugh would do the Long Walk to Forever thing, but he wasn't really good at long walks so it didn't seem like a great idea.

Yes. That's what made it a bad idea.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:37

Hot Dog Day #91: Jun 19, 2003

I read this thread to make me feel better about my life and in the last 5 pages I've read about an 18 year old drug addict with a yeast infection, revenge masturbation, and Pick texting Hugh.

Feeling preeetty good atm.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:40

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Hot Dog Day #91 posted:

I read this thread to make me feel better about my life and in the last 5 pages I've read about an 18 year old drug addict with a yeast infection, revenge masturbation, and Pick texting Hugh.

Feeling preeetty good atm.

Even if he changed his mind about hating me and wanted to get together I would definitely want to set some ground rules.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:42

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

I was looking for gay stories and you'll never guess what I found a whole lot of

quote:

BF [20M] downloaded Grindr and said all guys do it-- true? Me [20F]
So the other day I found out that my boyfriend of like four years had downloaded Grindr (shamefully I was looking through his phone). He didn't have a profile or anything but I confronted him and he told me that he looked as a joke and that all guys look up weird stuff like this. He said it was "just to see what the app was like" but that he is not gay or curious in any way.
Is the whole "all guys look at it" thing true, should I trust him, or should I try to talk to him more about it? Kind of freaking out and really confused
tl;dr: Do guys look at Grindr out of curiosity, or is my bf lying because he doesn't want to talk about his sexuality?

quote:

I [21F] just snooped on my boyfriend�s [23M] phone and found out he�s on Grindr. What do I do?
This literally happened minutes ago and I�m losing my mind. My boyfriend is spending the night and usually falls asleep before me. Usually I�m not one to snoop, but something just pushed me tonight.
Background: We�ve been dating for a little over a year. I love him more than anything. We�ve had issues in the past, like any normal couple, but I thought that things have been going great recently. I do know that he�s been a little bi-curious in the past (he�s divulged to me that he�s given oral to two men before) but that�s in the past and I didn�t really care. We have a great relationship, great sex, and I�ve never even thought that he was unsatisfied.
HOWEVER� now to tonight. I turned on his phone and started looking through his apps. On the third page of an app folder, I see Grindr and I�m immediately struck with panic. I open it up to investigate. Who knows, maybe he used to be active but doesn�t use it anymore?
Well, no. Turns out he�s fairly active. I�ve found no compelling evidence on it that he�s actually done any actual cheating, but he has active conversations with at least 5 men and has sent pictures of his face. He even told one guy that he was open to possibly meeting.
I don�t know what to do next. Should I be worried? Should I bring it up? This all feels so wrong. Need some advice�
tl;dr - I snooped on my boyfriend's phone and found out he's fairly active on Grindr, but it doesn't seem like he's done any actual cheating. I'm worried he's unsatisfied with our relationship. Help.

quote:

I [26M] found my best friend [27M] on Grindr. He just got married to his long term girlfriend [25F].
I've been best friends with this guy since high school. I (thought) I knew everything about him that needs to be known. I was wrong.
Last Week I downloaded Grindr. and the first person I see is him. The picture he used shows only the lower part of his face. However, I immediately recognized him from his beard shape, age, and the necklace he was wearing in the picture. I gave him that necklace. Furthermore, the distance shown between me and him in the app is exactly the distance between our houses. There is no doubt in my mind that that's him. I also know that he hasn't been using the app for long, since his profile says something along the lines of him being new here.
This shocked me for two reasons:
1) Not once in our 13 years of friendship have I sensed that he could be anything but straight. Actually, the first person I can think of when I hear the phrase "straight as an arrow" is him. All this wouldn't have been much of a problem if it wasn't for...
2) He got married a couple of months ago. To a woman. He's been on a relationship with this girl for 7 years now. Their relationship is a bit rocky to say the least. They broke up and got together a couple of times. Each time it would be him that breaks up with her and she is the one begging for him to come back. The thing is, he told me after he got married that he doesn't love her and that he is only with her because he feels sorry for her, and would leave her in an instance if he knew that she would end up with someone good enough for her. When I asked him why he got married to her then, he said that he feels guilty for being with her after all those years and that she deserved a happy ending. I asked him then "but what about you? what about your happy ending? a marriage can't last for long if one part is not satisfied with the other". He said that while he doesn't doesn't find her attractive and her personally isn't exactly what he's looking for, but she is a good girl, and a lot of people get married without love and make it work. love can come later.
When I heard him say this to me I didn't push him further. Its his life after all and its not my place to push him to leave his wife. I thought that he is sacrificing his happiness for her sake and that can't possibly last for long, but I had no idea it would be this soon after the marriage the he would be looking for love in other places.
I think what he is doing is wrong. whatever his feelings to his wife, and whether he is sexually engaged in Grindr or not, he shouldn't be there after he got married. I think that's considered cheating, is it not?
The problem is, I can't talk to him directly about it. Because I have never discussed my sexuality with other people. It's something very private to me and I don't want even my best friend to know about it (at least for now).
What should I do? Do I have an obligation as his best friend to say something? Should I tell the poor girl and ruin her marriage? How can I do that without outing myself? Is him being on Grindr really equals cheating?
Please help.
tl;dr: Found my best friend on Grindr. He's married to a girl he Doesn't love. I'm in the closet. What can I do?

# ? May 10, 2017 03:44

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

E- wrong thread

Ee- hahahahahaha

quote:

tl;dr - I snooped on my boyfriend's phone and found out he's fairly active on Grindr

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 03:47 on May 10, 2017

# ? May 10, 2017 03:44

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Pick posted:

Even if he changed his mind about hating me and wanted to get together I would definitely want to set some ground rules.

I don't think that's going to happen considering he failed the most basic rule "hey don't be a dick"

# ? May 10, 2017 03:45

Modus Pwnens: Dec 29, 2004

I once dated somebody and I noticed she hadn't showered in two or three days and I asked if she was going to take a shower before we went out, and she snapped, "If you expect me to shower every two days, we're going to have a problem."

We had lots of problems.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:46

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Before Uber was a thing a friend of mine would use Grindr to meet guys to take him home.

And gently caress them because thats the entire point of the app.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:46

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

quote:

looked as a joke and that all guys look up weird stuff like

Just on a gay hookup site as a prank, everyone straight totally does it dang :rolleyes:

# ? May 10, 2017 03:49

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Charles Get-Out posted:

I don't think that's going to happen considering he failed the most basic rule "hey don't be a dick"

I don't think he meant to be.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:51

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Charles Get-Out posted:

I was looking for gay stories and you'll never guess what I found a whole lot of

Look, until you find another way to charge the crystals I'm not getting off Grindr.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:55

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Pick posted:

I don't think he meant to be.

It doesn't matter. I hope Trop visits you soon.

# ? May 10, 2017 03:55

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

Pick posted:

I don't know, he was grouchy but sensitive and uncertain and arrogant. He had impenetrable depths

I wanted him but no one else did, it's like a jeweler looking at a rough stone and knowing that maybe it is good inside.

But then my friend was like "Oh, do you remember the Shrek thing about onions and layers" and I was like "yeah, he has layers" and she was like "but they're all onion. Like the onion has layers but all of them are onion". She didn't like him.

Why did they arrest Shrek?

Because he was ogre the limit.

# ? May 10, 2017 04:02

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

NomChompsky posted:

Why did they arrest Shrek?

Because he was ogre the limit.

haha i'm lookin at this and it's too real

# ? May 10, 2017 04:11

Faffel: Dec 31, 2008; A bouncy little mouse!

Being emotionally deep usually means you're a oval office who can't keep his poo poo straight.

# ? May 10, 2017 04:15

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Im reaching a point where I can recall more unique details about Picks ex than my own exs, and I fear the next step is where eventually I become a were-Pick which can only be killed by destroying the master discs of Dragon Age II.

# ? May 10, 2017 04:15

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

It disgusts me that no one considers hughs pov and also straight guys don't suck dick

# ? May 10, 2017 04:19

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Pick posted:

I don't know, he was grouchy but sensitive and uncertain and arrogant. He had impenetrable depths

I wanted him but no one else did, it's like a jeweler looking at a rough stone and knowing that maybe it is good inside.

But then my friend was like "Oh, do you remember the Shrek thing about onions and layers" and I was like "yeah, he has layers" and she was like "but they're all onion. Like the onion has layers but all of them are onion". She didn't like him.

i do a bunch of lapidary stuff and there's not much guesswork about it for actual trained eyes, it's all pretty much right there to see as soon as you rub some spit on it. there's plenty of maybes for people who hoard random gravel in the hopes someone'll come along and tell them they've stumbled across the Hope Diamond and are millionaires now though, but diamonds don't form in that kind of rock and they wouldn't know how to cut it if they had one.

we're still in this analogy, somehow

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 04:28 on May 10, 2017

# ? May 10, 2017 04:20

ZearothK: Aug 25, 2008; I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021

Pick posted:

But then my friend was like "Oh, do you remember the Shrek thing about onions and layers" and I was like "yeah, he has layers" and she was like "but they're all onion. Like the onion has layers but all of them are onion". She didn't like him.

You should listen more to your friends.

Actually that advice counts for almost everyone in this thread, except for the stories about friends being assholes, which I guess are a lot of them.

# ? May 10, 2017 04:20

Faffel: Dec 31, 2008; A bouncy little mouse!

Blue Train posted:

It disgusts me that no one considers hughs pov and also straight guys don't suck dick

Sometimes when Pick talks about Hugh it reminds me of myself and that's why I know he's a huge piece of poo poo. gently caress that guy.

Also don't listen to your friends, because they probably secretly believe in the planet Nibiru.

# ? May 10, 2017 04:24

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Faffel posted:

Sometimes when Pick talks about Hugh it reminds me of myself and that's why I know he's a huge piece of poo poo. gently caress that guy.

Hell,

# ? May 10, 2017 04:24

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

Pick posted:

I don't know, he was grouchy but sensitive and uncertain and arrogant. He had impenetrable depths

I wanted him but no one else did, it's like a jeweler looking at a rough stone and knowing that maybe it is good inside.

But then my friend was like "Oh, do you remember the Shrek thing about onions and layers" and I was like "yeah, he has layers" and she was like "but they're all onion. Like the onion has layers but all of them are onion". She didn't like him.

See, the thing is: onions are good. Hugh is not. At least not for you. And not with you.

# ? May 10, 2017 04:27

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# ? May 16, 2024 23:39

Faffel: Dec 31, 2008; A bouncy little mouse!

Onions are good when you chop them up and cook them with other stuff and then eat them.

In that way, he is like an onion. :getin:

# ? May 10, 2017 04:27

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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