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In the late 90's, in a gay bar in Toledo, when I was like 22, this cute girl (who was a huge huge step up from the obese butch women with mullets who usually hit on me) approached me and gave me her number just as I was walking out the door. I didn't have time to talk then but I was pretty excited because I hadn't had a ton of luck as usually the feminine women at the gay bar were straight and just there to hang out with their gay friends and the few who were gay were usually there with their obese butch girlfriends with mullets. (We had no attractive butch women in Toledo). So, I called her the following afternoon because gently caress trying to play it cool. She wasn't very talkative and it was awkward, so I suggested we just meet up, thinking it would be easier to talk in person. I had some Christmas shopping to do and so did she, so I thought we could go shopping and then maybe get a drink or something afterwards. We spent the whole day together and she barely spoke while I desperately tried to find some way to engage her in conversation. She didn't buy a single thing or even look at anything on her own but just silently walked three feet behind me at all times through the stores like my submissive fundamentalist wife. It was weird but I figured she just needed some time to open up maybe. That night I was supposed to go to a goth club with a couple friends and I invited her along because she showed no signs of wanting to end the date (she showed no signs of anything, really) and it felt rude to be like "okay, you gotta go home now, because I have plans. With people who are not you." and also because she was hot after all, and I still did want to do sex things with her if I could get her to stop being so weird. At the club, she was suddenly all over me. To the point where it was a little embarrassing. She still barely spoke, but she was like rubbing all over me and grinding on me (to The Misfits and Ministry lol) and kissing my neck and just generally acting like she was super into me. My friends were kind of laughing about it and giving me funny looks behind her back. She wasn't even drinking so I don't know where this sudden behavior came from but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. So we went back to my place explicitly to have sex and she just...laid there. Completely nude and completely silent and completely still. She was like a sex robot that had suddenly powered down. It was eerie. It felt like necrophilia. Some people are quiet in bed but they still breathe heavy and gasp and ya know, loving participate. You can still tell when they're enjoying themselves. But this chick just gave me nothing. I've never seen anything like it. I asked if she'd ever done this before thinking maybe that was the cause and she said she had with a couple different girlfriends. I also asked if I was doing something wrong or if she just wasn't in the mood and wanted me to stop. She reassured me that neither was the case but she still didn't so much as put her arms around me or run her fingers through my hair or do anything at all but lay there with her arms at her side. It was terrible and bizarre so I just stopped and we went to sleep. The next day we sat on the couch all afternoon watching TV while I wondered when the hell she was going to leave. I tried to drop hints but she wasn't picking them up. Finally at 5pm, I straight up told her as nicely as I possibly could that I needed some time to myself now and I'd appreciate it if she'd leave. She looked super hurt but this was now a "date" that had lasted like 26 loving hours and she had said no more than 20 sentences to me the entire time. I've always wondered when she would've left if I'd let her leave on her own that day. Never? Because I was young and dumb and horny, I decided to give it a few more chances, thinking that maybe I could get her to loosen up over time, but she never did and we never had a single real conversation or did anything beyond make out after that first night.I finally just blew up at her and left a nasty message on her answering machine telling her to gently caress off basically which wasn't the right way to handle it but I couldn't take it anymore and I just wanted some kind of reaction from her. I never really got one. She just seemed mildly bewildered and slightly sad. Looking back now, it's possible that I dated a possum for three weeks.
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May 10, 2017 05:52
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Sorry, I didn't realize how long that was until I hit submit.
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May 10, 2017 05:53
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Was she found with her face eaten the next morning? Otherwise I don't think that qualifies as an Awful Date.
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May 10, 2017 06:05
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As a CPS social worker I can confirm all my first dates include stories of my sad as hell work WAIT NO THEY DON'T I talk about the baby that peed on me or my coworker walking into a glass door, not the terrible abuse I saw that week Don't date social workers with bad boundaries
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May 10, 2017 06:41
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powerful sex moves posted:Sorry, I didn't realize how long that was until I hit submit. Don't sweat it, that story owns
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May 10, 2017 06:42
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powerful sex moves posted:Sorry, I didn't realize how long that was until I hit submit. thank you for posting an awful date in the Awful Date thread also lol holy poo poo 26 hours is like 25.5 hours too long with a ded date
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May 10, 2017 07:08
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powerful sex moves posted:In the late 90's, in a gay bar in Toledo, when I was like 22, this cute girl (who was a huge huge step up from the obese butch women with mullets who usually hit on me) approached me and gave me her number just as I was walking out the door. I didn't have time to talk then but I was pretty excited because I hadn't had a ton of luck as usually the feminine women at the gay bar were straight and just there to hang out with their gay friends and the few who were gay were usually there with their obese butch girlfriends with mullets. (We had no attractive butch women in Toledo). whhy do lebians like fat ugly butch women
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May 10, 2017 07:11
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Fartbox posted:whhy do lebians like fat ugly butch women for the same reason gays love hairless effete twinks: they're a diamond dozen
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May 10, 2017 07:28
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Chill Nazi Frog posted:for the same reason gays love hairless effete twinks: they're a diamond dozen Did you mess up a dime a dozen just to gently caress with my OCPD symptoms or
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May 10, 2017 07:33
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Mocking Bird posted:Did you mess up a dime a dozen just to gently caress with my OCPD symptoms or for all intensive purposes, they mean the same thing.
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May 10, 2017 07:37
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Chill Nazi Frog posted:for the same reason gays love hairless effete twinks: they're a diamond dozen yeah but hairless effete twinks are still hot fat butch women are..well theyre not mate I know the gayt community got their fair share of fatlovers too, but theyre in a minority
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May 10, 2017 07:43
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I got a dorky as hell one. As a teenager, one of my friends (Jules) and I started this annual tradition of going to this big-rear end anime convention in Seattle. We fell away from the content because of course we did, but since she still lived in Seattle we'd use it as an excuse to meet up, dress in outrageous costumes and get our pictures taken. What's more, this event always hosts fashion designers and they'll select volunteers for their shows. They bring in people to do your hair and make-up, you get to wear hideously expensive clothes and work a catwalk. Modeling was extremely my poo poo at the time, so it was a good opportunity to add some big names on my roster. When I was 20, a few friends and I went up to this thing and met with Jules and a few of her friends. One was this handsome, cool dude named Alex who I hit it off with. So one night, 11 PM rolls around and the rest of the group hits up this rave thing going on at the con while Alex and I decide to get dinner together. There's a radius around a convention where there's enough costumed folk that you can feel comfortable walking around in a strange get-up, so we stick close and go into this restaurant/bar that's doing last rounds from the kitchen. As we're walking in, I hear a guy drunkenly call out to us. I look over to see a table of four people, two mid-30's men and two early-20's women. The girls are in costumes, so my thoughts are A) Okay, they're safe, and B) They're looking to hang out with people also obviously attending this event. Alex and I head over to their table, introduce ourselves and grab a couple of chairs. The girls immediately up and bolt. I catch some harried excuses and apologies, but they are loving out of there before I know what's happened. So now I'm left with two complete strangers and one partial stranger in a city I don't live in near midnight. This is not a happy situation for a 20 year-old girl incidentally dressed provocatively. And these dudes immediately start in on that. They go off about different parts of my outfit (guess) and how sexy it'd be if I posed this way or did that while I awkwardly laugh and try to pass off their comments as jokes. They start really fighting for me to do shots and when I say I can't, I'm 20, they do that skeevy "We won't telllll~!" poo poo. Alex mercifully volunteers to take my shot when they order me one despite my protests. Now one of the guys moves the conversation to how they're working the convention and the building across the way is their office. "If you two are looking for somewhere to crash, you know, we totally got a couch up there."  Alex tells them nah, we got a couple of things we're wanting to hit up at the con, thanks. Couch Guy suddenly gets a notification on his phone and checks it. He grabs his jacket and tells us, "Just as well, I gotta bounce." He then proceeds to reach into his pocket, retrieve his wedding ring and slip it on his finger. Alex and I leave the bar without getting dinner. We grab a burrito from a fast food joint and head back to the convention center around 1 AM. And just kind of sit next to this fountain. Somehow the girls from the bar managed to find us and came up to apologize. They said that the drunk dudes crashed their table and were getting increasingly creepy, so they used us to bail. I told them about the wedding ring and one of them just let out this little, horrified wail. I ended up dating Alex for a couple of months after that, but that wound up being our first date.
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May 10, 2017 07:51
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Fartbox posted:whhy do lebians like fat ugly butch women Wish I knew, man.
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May 10, 2017 09:44
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Chill Nazi Frog posted:for all intensive purposes, they mean the same thing. 
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May 10, 2017 13:36
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Chill Nazi Frog posted:for all intensive purposes, they mean the same thing. Not buying it, nice try. I did once turn in a paper that said "took for granite" because I thought a fact as solid as a rock was what the phrase was.
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May 10, 2017 15:28
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Bombadilillo posted:I did once turn in a paper that said "took for granite" because I thought a fact as solid as a rock was what the phrase was. That's a surprisingly well thought-out malapropism.
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May 10, 2017 16:13
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Chill Nazi Frog posted:for all intensive purposes, they mean the same thing. You son of a bitch.
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May 10, 2017 16:31
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Got told she wanted to prioritize her dog so bye
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May 13, 2017 18:07
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Need a frozen pizza recomendation. How's the 'Co? Options?
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May 13, 2017 18:35
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Bonzo posted:Need a frozen pizza recomendation. How's the 'Co? Options? yeah you can always go the gym instead
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May 13, 2017 19:39
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Bobcats posted:Got told she wanted to prioritize her dog so bye lol "Gotta go wash my...uh...dog?"
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May 13, 2017 21:42
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Bonzo posted:Need a frozen pizza recomendation. How's the 'Co? Options? if you leave pizza rolls in the fridge for a while, they soften up enough to eat but not enough to go bad so win-win
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May 14, 2017 01:13
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i'm kinda confused since it's been posted about at least twice here but how are goons meeting people online, going on an entire date, and never getting the person's name? that's one of the first things they ask me or i ask them. do you exchange numbers without knowing their names when you're messaging each other on okc or whatever. this is loving bizarre lmao
Groovelord Neato fucked around with this message at 01:31 on May 14, 2017 |
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May 14, 2017 01:25
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Groovelord Neato posted:i'm kinda confused since it's been posted about at least twice here but how are goons meeting people online, going on an entire date, and never getting the person's name? that's one of the first things they ask me or i ask them. do you exchange numbers without knowing their names when we're messaging each other on okc or whatever. this is loving bizarre lmao Well...
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May 14, 2017 01:29
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They prob mean full names. I know on OKC you use a unique username like luigimaster69 or whatever and hide your real name that way.
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May 14, 2017 01:35
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Putty posted:They prob mean full names. I know on OKC you use a unique username like luigimaster69 or whatever and hide your real name that way. Av/post combo etc
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May 14, 2017 02:10
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Choco1980 posted:Av/post combo etc i've always liked your avatar intensely, by the way
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May 14, 2017 02:21
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Met a 30 something (about ten years older than me) at a hole-in-the wall bar.....who was hosting this lovely poker tournament. We got to talking during an intermission (I was out at this point and highly intoxicated) and she gave me her number. The very next weekend she asks if I want to come over when she gets off work (like 10 PM). When I get there.....a little boy answers the door. Turns out that she had two children which she put to bed so we could bang. Never talked to her again after that odd situation. This other girl that I met at a bar on New Years Eve a couple of years ago was fawning over me.....telling me how much she liked me. I was like....."this is awkward......you are an item on my scavenger hunt......."
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May 14, 2017 02:23
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Groovelord Neato posted:i'm kinda confused since it's been posted about at least twice here but how are goons meeting people online, going on an entire date, and never getting the person's name? that's one of the first things they ask me or i ask them. do you exchange numbers without knowing their names when you're messaging each other on okc or whatever. this is loving bizarre lmao I've actually noticed a good indication of whether someone will ghost on OkCupid is if they never give their name when making plans. I also had one woman who agreed to a date and time to meet up (after work cocktails near the White House - very classy), then flipped out when I asked for her name. S She had one of those profiles where all her photos are her in a group. Everyone in these groups seemed attractive, and we had a lot of mutual interests, but I don't feel like walking up to every white brunette in a DC asking if they're kstreetpunk89, so I followed up confirming the date and asking her name. She replied the fact I was already "pushing her boundaries" by repeatedly asking for her name made her feel unsafe and we would NOT be meeting. She then either deleted her account or blocked me. (I'd signed my date idea message with my first name, but never explicitly asked for hers until that point)
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May 14, 2017 02:51
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PureEvil6_13 posted:I never understood the 3O hate. Because he's a douchebag. He didn't get his red title because he's a nice guy. See below, for example: Three Olives posted:A funny one? I'm not saying it isn't kind of pointlessly cruel but it is still kind of funny. Three Olives posted:You were 27 when you online stalked her and threw a hissyfit because you couldn't catch a hint that she wasn't interested?
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May 17, 2017 07:52
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RestingB1tchFace posted:Met a 30 something (about ten years older than me) at a hole-in-the wall bar.....who was hosting this lovely poker tournament. We got to talking during an intermission (I was out at this point and highly intoxicated) and she gave me her number. The very next weekend she asks if I want to come over when she gets off work (like 10 PM). When I get there.....a little boy answers the door. Turns out that she had two children which she put to bed so we could bang. Never talked to her again after that odd situation. What was she supposed to do, throw her kids out You still gotta get your rocks off even after you spawn
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May 17, 2017 07:55
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Groovelord Neato posted:i'm kinda confused since it's been posted about at least twice here but how are goons meeting people online, going on an entire date, and never getting the person's name? that's one of the first things they ask me or i ask them. do you exchange numbers without knowing their names when you're messaging each other on okc or whatever. this is loving bizarre lmao Nice to meet you, Groovelord Neato. Nice to meet you, solar energy panel....
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May 17, 2017 13:49
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Fartbox posted:What was she supposed to do, throw her kids out Be like every other decent single parent in existence and say "Hey, how about we go to your place?" This isn't rocket surgery, folks.
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May 17, 2017 14:09
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then whos gonna watch the kids HUH you GOTTA think this THROUGH
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May 17, 2017 14:22
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Be like every other decent single parent in existence and say "Hey, how about we go to your place?" This isn't rocket surgery, folks.
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May 17, 2017 14:22
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This barely counts as a "date," but once during a visit to my long-distance boyfriend, he took me to an Italian grocery store near his house so he could introduce me to a high-school friend of his whose family ran the store. He was 33 and did not regularly talk to this "friend," and the grocery-store dude looked as confused as I did while the  THIS IS MY GIIIIIRLFRIEND act was going on. We kind of nodded and half-smiled at each other, and then my boyfriend and I left. Mission accomplished, apparently?I still don't even know what the gently caress was going on there; did he have a sudden flashback to Joey from sophomore English telling him he'd never get laid and decide he had to prove himself then and there? No goddamn idea. My takeaway from that relationship was not to engage in long-distance stuff, because it makes it way easier to ignore red flags that you're dating someone too weird to live.
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May 17, 2017 23:32
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I went out on a completely blind date with someone I met on the internet when I first moved to LA. Yes, red flags should already be raising. I also went there by bus, not realizing the bus route shut down the moment I got there. Things went downhill from there. So I get to her place and I immediately notice that it's a giant room with a couple beds on it. She starts talking about how her roommate and boyfriend gently caress in the middle of the room all the time and that they have arrangement where that's cool while putting on a movie. I begin texting friends hoping somebody could help me GTFO, but nobody's available. The whole place is horrifyingly grimy so I sit there trying not to touch anything. After the movie, her roommate came home and wanted to take me us to a party. Being stuck with no way out but to wait until 6AM to get a bus, I unwisely piled in the car. Once I arrive, everyone is acting incredibly loopy and I assume it's from the drinks they're passing around. Turns out, they've all been pounding cough syrup. A lot of it. And they're all listening to Bjork cranked at top volume, shortly before someone that's late shows up with a box of donuts which he proudly declares he found on the side of the freeway. Somewhere around this time I get desperate enough to take a shot of Tequila, because just Jesus Christ. I immediately regret touching a shotglass. Around this time, someone decides to put on American History X, something they apparently watch all the time while drunk. To back this up and make things a little more awkward I, the girl I showed up to see, and her roommate were the only pasty white people present: Literally everyone else was black. I wouldn't even mention this fact as normally it'd not matter, except when you're watching a movie like that while people make bold philosophical discussion on Robitussin wherein they decide to ask me all of the questions on behalf of white people everywhere (the girl's roommate didn't count because it turns out she believed she WAS a black person born with the wrong skin color, like literally). The girl I came there to see in the first place begins trying to put moves on me during all of this and... yeah, no, you just ate road-donuts and did a shot of cough syrup and whiskey while living in a communal fuckpit, lady. gently caress. 4 more hours until dawn. Around this time her roommate decides to apparently extend her "who gives a poo poo" policy and starts loving her boyfriend on a makeshift hammock hung in the back of the apartment in front of everyone while the others talk about going to shoplift more cough syrup and I do the only thing I know how: Pretend to fall asleep in a corner and wait for people to scatter. As soon as everyone's falling asleep (which takes a while as Bjork is put back on) I get the gently caress out, find my way back to the bus stop, where I realize the bus I want won't show up until *9AM*. So I ended up sleeping on a bus bench in front of a Taco Bell until I could return home and never, ever go on another blind internet date again. I also learned how to check the loving bus schedule. Looking back it's like I spent a night with the sort of people who'd totally get along great with Danny Devito and Charlie Day on Always Sunny. "Score, I found eggs under a bridge!" ED: I also bit myself during all this without realizing it, so I thought I got something off the shot glass I unwisely drank from and went into a panic for days until it turns out that yep, I just bit myself.
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May 17, 2017 23:55
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solar energy panel posted:Nice to meet you, Groovelord Neato. my okc username has my name in it and women give their actual name when they message me or i message them.
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May 18, 2017 00:04
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Groovelord Neato posted:my okc username has my name in it and women give their actual name when they message me or i message them. Thats what he said.
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May 18, 2017 00:34
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no he used our forums usernames. my parents did not name me Grooverlord nor is our surname Neato.
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May 18, 2017 00:34
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