Haifisch posted:

Still less tiresome than poly people claiming they're so oppressed and also enlightened, unlike us boring monogamous people.


I feel bad picking on tumblr too much since it's mostly idiot teenagers and college students, but . "Oh no, monogamous people expect exclusivity as part of relationship commitments. Oh nooo.", plus a bunch of points that are less about monogamy and more about immature nitwits.

Blue Train posted:

If they're below a c she ain't for me

monkeytennis posted:

12 and above (dress size), give her the shove.

Blue Train posted:

They are not judged for it though, only if they are fat. Besides, if they have bad features they can just get fat to hide them

Blue Train posted:

They are not judged for it though, only if they are fat. Besides, if they have bad features they can just get fat to hide them

quote:

Hello all and thanks for taking the time to read this.

My girlfriend and I have a great relationship, tons of common interests, especially travel. It has had its ups and downs but overall it's been great.

But, a few days ago, we went to a party at a bar, and there was a dance-floor and all.

Now, I personally dislike dancing, in any form whatsoever. Nothing against it or against dancers, it's just that for me personally, I don't enjoy it one bit, it makes me feel incredibly stressful and anxious. It's awkward sitting with your drink by the sides, but it's way more terrifying for me to go dance. (The last time I did was horrible - I felt like my insides were liquefying the whole while, and I had to pretend to enjoy it to not look like a party pooper. Not to mention people telling me "Oh you see, you did enjoy it after all!" with their smug faces, ugh! Anyways, getting off track...).

So she was dancing a bit with friends then she comes to me and says "Hey, come over and dance with me!". I told her that I don't dance, she should know that by now, and that I'll be fine here, you go have a wonderful time. She insisted a lot, and I kept saying no, firmly.

She looked upset but went back to the party.

The next day, she was pretty cold with me and not talking too much. I was busy with work so I didn't really say anything. The day after that, same, cold treatment. I sat her down to talk about it. Turns out she was really upset, she said that every couple was out there dancing together and she was the only one who wasn't, that it was embarassing to her that her boyfriend was sitting out alone like a loser, and that I was refusing her fun (how? I didn't stop her dancing), and that I refused to do any effort to make her happy.

That last one stung because as it is I do make a lot of effort, on things I can do. I tried explaining that there's a difference between compromising on what's just inconvenient, and doing something you absolutely hate. I told her that there are many other things I don't really like but that I do happily to make her happy.

Basically she doesn't understand why I hate dancing so much. I tried explaining it to her, and all she said was that it was lame and I was acting like a loser. This made me angry, and I told her "If that's the case then you can gently caress off". Maybe unreasonable but she did insult me as well.

She left to go to a friend's place, we haven't talked or seen each other in 3 days now.

I don't get it. Why is it impossible for her to accept I won't dance? I'm not stopping her. We have plenty of other fun activities. But now it just seems to be a total block, and I'm afraid that our relationship will end because of this, which sounds like an incredibly stupid reason.

How do I save this? I don't want to break-up and to give up on an otherwise great relationship for this...

tl;dr: I refused to dance with my girlfriend at a party because I hate dancing. She's very upset at me for that, we had an argument and now we've stopped talking. How do I save this?

EDIT: okay, tons of people are getting the wrong idea, so I'll just add some more.

* Dancing doesn't just make me feem "mildly embarassed". It's not just because I don't want to look silly. As I said in my first post, it makes me feel very anxious, very stressed, to a pretty big degree.

* I don't look down on people who dance, by the way. No idea where you people got that impression.

* I didn't tell her to gently caress off because she asked me to dance. I told her because she called me lame and a loser over feeling anxious about dancing.

* As an aside, yes, I will apologise to her about it. If she doesn't for her own words then that'll be it.

* Stop lecturing me about compromises. I do a lot of compromises, lots of things that I don't like much but I'm happy to do for her, be it going to eat food I don't like, going to vacations to places that are unappealing to me but appealing to her, having dinner with her family instead of having fun elsewhere, you name it. Dancing is just where I draw the line.

* I generally don't go for this, but I am feeling a sort of bias. Apparently I have to accept doing something that will make me feel horrible, I need to get therapy, someone even suggested hypnosis. Would you lot say the same if genders were reversed, or if it wasn't about dancing? I don't think so.

Fartbox posted:

she aint hot, bro

putrid aidsman posted:

quote:

Me and the GF have a lot of history together, and things have been rocky at times but overall they've been pretty good. Things were great before she went away, but she's made some poor life decisions that have landed her a fairly lengthy sentence of around six years.

The trial itself has been rough. I've been to all the visitations, put money into her commissary, and talk to her fairly frequently on the phone. She's been in there since May of last year, and we held out for hope until a couple months ago when she finally got sentenced, and we knew for a fact she'd be going away for awhile.

It was after that that we basically had the talk. She understands that there are certain needs she's just not able to meet anytime soon. She ostensibly encouraged me to see other people, to "take opportunities when they come up." She knows I've only been with three other women, and that she has been my only serious relationship, and really doesn't want me to hold out for her sake.

We both know that just having sex without attachment is a fool's errand. Basically her rules are don't get with her friends, and if anything serious develops to let her know.

I really love her, and truly believe her when she says I'm going to go out there and not find anything better than what we had together. But at the same time, I don't want her to come out of prison in a few years to a guy that's been sexless, lonely, and miserable for years on end.

That all seems well and fine, but herein lies the problem. The few women I've talked to over this time are immensely turned off by me having a girlfriend in prison. I'm pretty forthcoming with this information fairly early on, because it feels pretty lovely keeping it a secret. But it's almost like I'm "not single" in all technicality.

So what should I do? Hold out on this information til later on? Is that fair to the women I may be getting involved with? I'm okay with NSA sex here and there but I'm not foolish to believe that it's really that easy, and I fully admit I'm the type to develop "the feels" fairly often after intimacy. I know this is unconventional but I could really use the advice.

tl;dr: My long-term girlfriend is about to embark on a long-term prison stay, but has given me freedom to explore what's out there. How do I go about dating with that pretty serious caveat to the whole thing?

OP posted:

No, it wasn't violent. I guess people are wondering, but basically it was a DUI in which people in her car were hurt. I'm not excusing what she did, she hosed up. But there was no malicious intent, just piss poor judgement.

quote:

Forgive me, but I'm not just reading this post. Took a trip back in your history and found two major posts you made about her. First she was an ex who was disrespecting HER boyfriend by hanging with you behind her back. Then you'd gotten back together after a break and she wasn't willing to set boundaries over a guy she hosed while you were on a break or broken up. You've also said many times that in this long relationship, both of you have heated or lied or done pretty hosed Up stuff to each other.

And now she has made something hosed Up enough to send her to jail for six years.

quote:

My girlfriend and I discovered we were expecting a baby last year. The baby is due in August. We decided that adoption would be our best option. I don't really want to get into the reasons why, but we are both very sure about this.

My girlfriend found a family that she liked and wanted them to adopt our child. I liked a different family more, but agreed that we should meet the family she wanted to meet first. She fell in love with them. I was a little less sure. It has become more and more obvious that I do not want them adopting my child.

The couple is white and our baby will be biracial. I have asked them how they are going to handle raising a black kid and they said that they don't see color. I asked them how they are going to address racism and discrimination with him and they said they won't because they don't want him to think he is different. This is not the attitude I want my son to grow up with. They also admitted to having racist family members, but believe that they will change once they adopt our baby.

My girlfriend told them and our agency that we have decided on them. The problem is that I haven't. I don't like them.

I don't want to upset my girlfriend and this family by telling them that I don't agree to this adoption, but I can't knowingly put my son in this situation with these parents. I want to at least meet more families.

tl;dr: My girlfriend has told our agency and informed a couple that they can adopt our baby. I don't want them to. How to bring this up without upsetting everyone?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

I [20M] disagree with the people my girlfriend [18F] has chosen to adopt our baby.

Barudak posted:

Yeah the time to pull out was a long time ago.

Batterypowered7 posted:

Baby's due in August, so sometime in November 2016?

quote:

Throwaway since my girlfriend occasionally browses reddit.

We have been together for a little over two years. We met online when we first began dating. I was baffled that someone as good looking as her was on a dating website.

She is easily a 10/10, skinny, super long brown hair, thick eyelashes, rosy cheeks and smooth skin.

At least that's what i thought. I found out within the first month of us dating that her hair is a wig. For the first 6 months, she tried to keep it on as much as possible, but had to take it off to sleep. She has alopecia and her real hair is very short and is in fact bald in some places.

I was okay with this.. Until then she started removing her makeup too. Totally different person. She has very uneven toned skin, literally no eyebrows, and almost no eyelashes. If you saw her without her wig and makeup you would think she was actually a different girl.

At first these things didn't bother me, until recently. I know she is VERY self conscious of the way she looks, which is why she does herself up real nice, so i could never bring it up. It is annoying to see pictures of her and have memories of her as this beautiful princess, but come home to a girl who looks nothing like what i thought.

I know this sounds shallow but i need some advice. I rarely see her looking nice anymore, as now she feels comfortable enough to be bare-faced and wiggless around me all the time. Thanks.

tl;dr: Girlfriend looked like a 10/10 until i found out she wears a wig and 10lbs of makeup. At first this didn't bother me but now it does.

Haifisch posted:

My girlfriend [21/f] looks immensely different (in a good way) with makeup and her wig on, and it's starting to bother me [25/m].

Not every day you see a "wait, women don't naturally look like that?" post this over the top.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

It will definitely not shatter her when she finds out he finds her entirely unattractive unless she has put in at least an hour of prep

54 40 or gently caress posted:

It will definitely not shatter her when she finds out he finds her entirely unattractive unless she has put in at least an hour of prep

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

only what she deserves for deluding a poor innocent into thinking she wakes up looking like a model on a shoot that lying whore

Haifisch posted:

My girlfriend [21/f] looks immensely different (in a good way) with makeup and her wig on, and it's starting to bother me [25/m].

Not every day you see a "wait, women don't naturally look like that?" post this over the top.

quote:

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for five years and we currently live together and have a joint bank account in which we both deposit money. He was fired six months ago and so has not contributed anything to our account and does not have many savings which has left me as the sole person paying for our rent and bills etc.

He has been looking for jobs but is overly picky about what he wants which I can empathise with but I'm struggling to keep paying the rent and the bills with no income from him. He also does not want to claim any benefits because he believes that it reflects badly on him.

Now onto the main issue, we usually use our joint account only for bills i.e. and household expenditure such as shopping but recently he used it to pay for a holiday just for him to Hawaii (we're in the UK) along with a couple of his friends. I would have no issue with him going on holiday with his friends if he was funding it but the money in that account is for the most part money that I earned.

This has left our joint account basically empty and he has no plans to repay the money. This means that I have had to pay this month's rent wholly out of my own savings which is unacceptable in my opinion.

So, how do I get him to repay the money that I have earned?

Edit: I have stopped his access to the joint account and am seriously reconsidering our relationship. But, I need the money as it was a sizeable amount and I am just hanging on in terms of paying off the rent and bills.

Update 1: I have spoken to his friends who frankly don't care and are unwilling to help me in cancelling anything. I gather that my now ex boyfriend has not only paid for himself but has also apparently loaned my money to a couple of his friends from our account.

But, I have also spoken to his dad with whom I've always been close with and he said that he will make my ex pay the money back and in the meantime has offered me some money to tide me over.

I am also looking into what legal measures I can take in order to kick him out from the apartment and to force him to repay the money.

Fartbox posted:

she aint hot, bro

Turtlicious posted:

I feel like Ace people (and what my gf has told me,) is that A.) It's a spectrum, so you get a lot of conflicting ideas, and B.) For her, she gets no enjoyment out of sex, or thinking about sex at all, but she is fascinated in the way it makes people feel. She doesn't get it's awkward to bring up, because she doesn't feel that way about it, so she wants to talk and learn about it, erego you get Ace people who constantly talk about sex and sex-like materials.

quote:

My husband and I have been married for 20 years, our daughter is an only child. Both of us work full-time and have very busy work schedules. When she was younger we had babysitters/au pairs and we would have the chance to be home more, but we’ve sort of drifted apart over the past few years. She’s is an excellent student, and we’ve always given her a lot of freedom because she’s very driven to succeed and has never needed us to push her into things like extracurriculars and harder classes.

She’s been dating the same boy for nearly a year now, and she is close to his sister as well so she has known his family for five years or so.

As I said, my husband and I work quite a bit and we wanted to carve out some time with our daughter so we planned a weekend trip. We had everything reserved, and were planning to leave on Thursday night because she had Friday off.

But on Thursday afternoon, her boyfriend’s dad had a sudden heart issue and had to be rushed to the hospital. Her boyfriend’s mom showed up to their school to pick up her son and daughter right when classes ended, and somehow my daughter ended up going with them.

My daughter called both of us on the way there and left a message explaining what happened and said that she was on her way to the hospital with them.

But I was at work and didn’t see the call until I left work around 7pm. Since we were supposed to leave around 9pm, I call and try to find out what’s going on. It took her a half hour just to call me back, and when she finally did she said that she was sorry but she couldn’t leave for the weekend with what’s going on with her boyfriend’s dad. I wanted to come down to the hospital (an hour away) to talk to her in person but she said it was fine and it was late at night anyway. I let it go and she spent the night with them. On Friday morning, I suggested that we leave that night now that he was more stable but she said she couldn’t just go and just apologized again. I suppose we could have made her but she would have been miserable and it sort of defeats the purpose.

I’m feeling very frustrated because in my opinion your family should come before your boyfriend. She spends plenty of time with her boyfriend’s family (even before the started dating, she would go there after school nearly everyday and stay the night as often as we would let her). But my husband and I don’t have much time to spend with her. So we want to take advantage of the time we have. We had both taken Friday off and blocked out the whole weekend. I am sympathetic to what happened regarding her boyfriend’s father but he’s more stable now. I don’t see why it required her being there. It's been a few days and she came home on Sunday and apologized again, but she doesn't seem to want to discuss things.

tl;dr: My daughter skipped a planned trip with my husband and I (who are both very busy and don't see her as much as we would like) because her boyfriend's dad had a medical problem and she wanted to support him. Am I right in feeling like her priorities are out of order?

Turtlicious posted:

I feel like Ace people (and what my gf has told me,) is that A.) It's a spectrum

Werong Bustope posted:

Me [26F] with my boyfriend [30M] of five years, he used my money to book himself a holiday. How can I make him repay me?