/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Pick posted:

Is it just be or is Jim Halpert like a horrible sociopath? How can he be considered a relatable main character?

The problem with his character is that both his impish nature and his foil Dwight are written by a team of stellar comic writers. You could never get that quality of both Dwight's lack of self-reflection and Jim's perfect comedic manipulation of the situation without it being a perfect storm of a lot of talent. In real life it would just boil down to two idiots slashing each other's tires and brawling at TGI Friday's after work while calling each other slurs.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:00

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# ? May 27, 2024 00:28

slouch: Mar 10, 2009

Mirthless posted:

Does that really qualify as a happy ending?

He's still in a relationship with somebody who treats their relationship like she is his supervisor at a call center and the "resolution" basically boiled down to him grovelling over invading her privacy

My prediction on how their relationship eventually ended: She called him into her office, told him his gently caress-times were slipping and his orgasm SLA was't being met, and she was going to have to downsize him for a more productive boyfriend

If she is being honest about keeping track of herself primarily then I don't think it's like that at all. People tend to have a hard time taking authority / control over their own sexualities and that's why some develop weirdo kinks and strange sex behaviors. She just happens to want to maximize her own loving enjoyment and track what works and what doesn't. He should get her a fitbit as a gift so that she can take more detailed statistics. Bonus points if he gets one too and lets her sync it to her charts.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:01

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

Blue Train posted:

It was long so I only read the bolded parts but yea it didn't seem that weird to me

the best part of it was halfway through describing all the insanely autistic things his boyfriend has done he drops the "oh he's been diagnosed with Asperger's but doesn't believe the diagnosis"

# ? May 22, 2017 19:04

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

slouch posted:

If she is being honest about keeping track of herself primarily then I don't think it's like that at all. People tend to have a hard time taking authority / control over their own sexualities and that's why some develop weirdo kinks and strange sex behaviors. She just happens to want to maximize her own loving enjoyment and track what works and what doesn't. He should get her a fitbit as a gift so that she can take more detailed statistics. Bonus points if he gets one too and lets her sync it to her charts.

Get one of these

Crunching the numbers just got a whole lot sexier: Lovely—part sex toy, part wearable tracker—is a stretchy, one-size-fits-all silicone ring that sits on the base of your penis and records your movements during sex, reports�Mashable. The sex toy then syncs up with your smartphone and sends data to its corresponding app, where you can see the number of thrusts you performed, how many calories you burned, how long you lasted, and the positions you tried.

Fullhouse posted:

the best part of it was halfway through describing all the insanely autistic things his boyfriend has done he drops the "oh he's been diagnosed with Asperger's but doesn't believe the diagnosis"

Lol

# ? May 22, 2017 19:06

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

https://twitter.com/BuzzFeedNews/status/866716038209060864

we've all heard this story but i didn't realize he was dumped by his girlfriend first

adds a whole new spin to this story imo

# ? May 22, 2017 19:17

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I thought he got dumped by the cardboard cutout for a second

That's a story as old as time tho

# ? May 22, 2017 19:20

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Yeah we've all turned to 2d after a bad breakup.

Every single one of us, yup.

Edit: content
My [24F] best friend [23F] won't talk to me after I had to leave a concert due to a panic attack

quote:

I've been friends with this girl for about 4 years. We met at uni and shared a lot of the same interests and we had very similar personalities. She's generally a very thoughtful and understanding person and I've enjoyed being her friend as well as her company.
I was diagnosed with panic disorder a little over 5 years ago. My best friend knows all about it and she's been very supportive. I am currently in therapy for it and taking everything a little a time after hitting a rough patch in my life (nan passing).
She invited my boyfriend and I last week to a sort of festival, and I said we'd go, with her and her boyfriend. The festival was yesterday. On the way there I felt increasingly anxious as I knew it would be crowded, but held my ground nonetheless. When my boyfriend and I arrived we met up with her and proceeded to head to the stage where a band was performing. It was SO crowded and I felt extremely overwhelmed. I told my boyfriend and best friend that I couldn't do this, I apologized profusely and ran outside as fast as I could. My boyfriend took me home afterwards. I've been texting my best friend and she hasn't been answering me. I think she's mad at me for something completely out of my control at the moment. I value her friendship and I don't want to lose her. What should I do? Did I let her down? I feel guilty and confused.
Tl;dr: my best friend won't text me back after I had to run out of a concert we were both attending, as I was having a panic attack.

I have a diagnosed anxiety problem and was invited by my best friend to a concert and went, knowing full well it could trigger my anxiety, then ditched my boyfriend and best friend when the inevitable happened. Did I make a mistake?

Gee I wonder

Nazzadan fucked around with this message at 19:28 on May 22, 2017

# ? May 22, 2017 19:25

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Lmao

My (35f) husband (35m) of 10 years took me out to a club on Saturday. He "ran into" this "famous" Instagram college girl (early 20s) that he's been following for a while. Looking at her post history, I think he set the whole thing up so her could meet her and I'm freaked out.

u/Notsurehere12

quote:

Background: we've been married 10 years, two kids (7 and 5) and if I'm being honest we're probabaly in something of a rut. I was a little freaked out when my husband got so into instagram because all he followed were swim and lingerie companies. He would actually tell me at first he was doing it to show me outfits he'd kind to see me in. I actually like this because it inspired me to lose 40lbs to be able to wear all that stuff...so not wanting to ruin a good thing I didn't balk when I noticed he started following a lot of models and college girls.

So fast forward to Saturday night, I was so excited because he planned an entire night out which even included dancing (which he hates). We had a great time but at the club he seemed a little distracted, I knew it wasn't his scene but it was ok so I danced with him when he was willing and without him too.

All of the sudden he lit Up and almost sprinted over to a table full of younger girls. Next thing I knew he was taking pictures with one of them. I was seriously like WTF and walked over and he introduced me to "the most famous instagramer at U of X!!!"

For her part the girl was very gracious and while certainly not interested in him, she wasn't dismissive either. She let him take several pictures with her and that was that. We stayed until closing and had fun.

Yesterday curiosity got the better of me and I looked her up...pretty typical college girl instagram stuff. 20k followers, lots of bikini pics, about a hundred coachella pics and then I noticed that she's tagged at the club we went to just about every Saturday night for at least a year.

This really freaked me out. With my husband not liking dancing, the suddenness of the date and his distracted nature before he met her...I'm thinking he set the whole thing up just to meet her.

This makes me feel like crap because I wasn't the reason he wanted to go out, but even worse it makes me feel like he's stalking this girl. She's tagged in places all over the city and if he's willing to go this far with me around...what's he up to when I'm not around?

The thing is, i could be wrong and the accusation that he's stalking is not something I can put back in the bottle once it's out. Should I bring up my concerns with him and if so, how?

tl;dr: I think my husband engineered a night out specifically to meet his favorite instagram model. I don't know if I should, or even how to approach him with how uncomfortable I am with this.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:27

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I [23 F] told my partner [27M] I love him after, a month shy of our first year or dating. He explained 'It seems dumb to me' for the reason he hasn't said it back - it's been 3 weeks. His response makes me think he simply doesn't want to commit, I'm exhausted, how much do I patiently endure?

u/cowsonfilm

quote:

Our relationship has been complicated in the past but good since we started monogamously dating. It's the classic girl meets boy, boy pursues disinterested girl until she is interested - boy becomes non-committal in the face of girl's interest. Cue casual dating and hurt feelings on both sides, especially mine, until we start a monogamous relationship just short of a year now.

So I tell him I love him and I receive very little in return, he didn't explain much about why he didn't want to say it, simply that "It seems dumb."

In case this statement doesn't sum it up already, he's not the most emotionally mature or self-aware human - Alas, I still think he's great and enjoy having him in my life, hence the utterance of those 3 little words that have caused me so much grief.

I don't know if I have it in me to keep waiting for him to express something that tells me this relationship has a continuing value to him. I would love to hear from people who have been on the other side of hearing this.

I'm afraid I am just reassuring him as a person, through my affection and recent proclamation, that he is wanted and desirable. I am worried about the toll this is taking on me emotionally in awaiting his response. I enjoy a lot of other things in my life and have no desire to be silently carrying this emotional rejection around for an indefinite period of time.

How much is too much to ensure in this situation? I don't date very much, I'm used to being alone and looking out for my own mental health. How much does one allow themselves to be standing alone on the island of emotional vulnerability before it's truly time to part ways? There isn't even free booze on this island!

Thanks in advance, from a very tired lady.

UPDATE: I failed to mention that I did have a conversation with him on the topic, approximately a week later, where he told me he was having the same feelings but was unable to use 'I love you' to express them... This confused me more than it was helpful.

Is it possible to progress in a relationship without the need to consider the grand scale of the relationship's future? I want to feel that we're able to support each other in this moment, not forecast where we may or may not be heading.

tldr: Boyfriend is a loveable but insensitive goofball who's demonstrating we're not on the same emotional page.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:29

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Blue Train posted:

Lmao

My (35f) husband (35m) of 10 years took me out to a club on Saturday. He "ran into" this "famous" Instagram college girl (early 20s) that he's been following for a while. Looking at her post history, I think he set the whole thing up so her could meet her and I'm freaked out.

u/Notsurehere12

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth? Nah, just kidding, I have no idea how to feel about this story either. Seems kinda weird to me.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:31

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

new phone who dis posted:

The problem with his character is that both his impish nature and his foil Dwight are written by a team of stellar comic writers. You could never get that quality of both Dwight's lack of self-reflection and Jim's perfect comedic manipulation of the situation without it being a perfect storm of a lot of talent. In real life it would just boil down to two idiots slashing each other's tires and brawling at TGI Friday's after work while calling each other slurs.

Not too sound like a teeaboo but I think it worked better in the U.K. Version for a couple of reasons:

-less of the show, so less time to become annoying
-Not that Jim's actor is bad, but Freeman is just better imo
- Jim isn't really an underdog loser like Tim is

# ? May 22, 2017 19:32

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Khorne posted:

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth? Nah, just kidding, I have no idea how to feel about this story either. Seems kinda weird to me.

He def stalked her

# ? May 22, 2017 19:33

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Blue Train posted:

I [23 F] told my partner [27M] I love him after, a month shy of our first year or dating. He explained 'It seems dumb to me' for the reason he hasn't said it back - it's been 3 weeks. His response makes me think he simply doesn't want to commit, I'm exhausted, how much do I patiently endure?

u/cowsonfilm

She writes insufferably. Like her life is fuckin' Anne of Green gables or some poo poo.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:34

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

new phone who dis posted:

She writes insufferably. Like her life is fuckin' Anne of Green gables or some poo poo.

Yea its real bad

# ? May 22, 2017 19:34

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Blue Train posted:

I [23 F] told my partner [27M] I love him after, a month shy of our first year or dating. He explained 'It seems dumb to me' for the reason he hasn't said it back - it's been 3 weeks. His response makes me think he simply doesn't want to commit, I'm exhausted, how much do I patiently endure?

u/cowsonfilm

He will hurt you forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just leaaaveeee

# ? May 22, 2017 19:36

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Blue Train posted:

Lmao

My (35f) husband (35m) of 10 years took me out to a club on Saturday. He "ran into" this "famous" Instagram college girl (early 20s) that he's been following for a while. Looking at her post history, I think he set the whole thing up so her could meet her and I'm freaked out.

u/Notsurehere12

this is pretty horrifying and imo she should :sever:

before she's being questioned in an instagram model's disappearance

# ? May 22, 2017 19:37

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Blue Train posted:

I [23 F] told my partner [27M] I love him after, a month shy of our first year or dating. He explained 'It seems dumb to me' for the reason he hasn't said it back - it's been 3 weeks. His response makes me think he simply doesn't want to commit, I'm exhausted, how much do I patiently endure?

u/cowsonfilm

I don't think I'll ever understand people like this

Admitting you love somebody you've been dating for a year is hardly a commitment (more than anything else at that point anyway) and I have to wonder how much of these fears come from pop culture reinforcing it as a thing to be afraid of

# ? May 22, 2017 19:41

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Mirthless posted:

I don't think I'll ever understand people like this

Admitting you love somebody you've been dating for a year is hardly a commitment (more than anything else at that point anyway) and I have to wonder how much of these fears come from pop culture reinforcing it as a thing to be afraid of

I'm sure him pursuing her and her being uninterested for a long time plays into it, too. They're doing the dumb dance where one always likes the other in a non-requited amount.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:43

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

This might have been posted, or one very similar

quote:

My boyfriend(24M) is a HUGE conspiracy theorist and I(21F) can't handle it anymore. Help !!

quote:

My boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 1/2 years. I am 21(Female) and he is 24. A couple months ago he came to my house saying he had something really important to tell me. He started telling me that the earth was flat and we are living in a dome and everything we were ever taught was a lie. I thought this was complete bullshit obviously and laughed because i thought he was joking. He wasnt. We got into a huge fight because i told him it was stupid and he eventually left.
Fast forward to now; he is completely obsessed with every single conspiracy theorie out there. It is literally consuming him and now me. He tries to put it on me every single day. He wont stop. Its all he ever talks about. I told him multiple times that i cant handle it anymore and that i dont want to talk about it anymore but he wont stop. He calls me a "sheep" and says i need to open my eyes up to whats really going on in the world. He's aggressive and he tries to push it down my throat constantly.
He's always finding new things new articles he found (on Instagram) and demands me to listen to them. I cant take it anymore, i have broken up with him for reasons like this and that he is emotionally abusive but ended back with him because he told me he wants to go to therapy. I agreed to give it another shot because i love him and i dont want to throw away our relationship of over 2 years but its really scaring me.
He smokes weed all day every day and has horrible anger problems. He grew up in a house where all they did was yell to get their point across and that's exactly how he acts towards me. He thinks he has the answers to life and if I don't beleieve what he believes he gets mad and tells me to "wake up". Here are some of his beliefs:
Flat earth (dome around us) Space doesn't exist (we are all that exists) Dinosaurs never existed All food is poisoned Water has flouride in it making us stupid Lizard people Illuminati Government cloning people Government controlling the weather Chemtrails in sky making us sick Government making concentration camps for us Hollocaust wasn't real Everything you were ever taught is a lie Vaccinations are poisoned
Please help.
TL;DR; Boyfriend is HUGE conspiracy theorist and it is getting out of control. We have been dating for over 2 years and this just started, I dont know what to do anymore.

good comment chain

quote:

How are lizard people real if dinosaurs aren't real
I'm not joking, I'm honestly stuck on that thought.

quote:

It's because the lizard people are aliens. I wish I were joking.

quote:

but space doesn't exist??

# ? May 22, 2017 19:47

Hello Ketene: Dec 30, 2011

Blue Train posted:

Lmao

My (35f) husband (35m) of 10 years took me out to a club on Saturday. He "ran into" this "famous" Instagram college girl (early 20s) that he's been following for a while. Looking at her post history, I think he set the whole thing up so her could meet her and I'm freaked out.

u/Notsurehere12

hahaha oh man this is sad

I can't tell if she's genuinely naive or extremely insecure (probably both). The husband doesn't even bother hiding his creepy wank materal from her, he knows he can just say whatever bullshit comes to his mind when she asks about it and she'll go with it. I'm eagerly awaiting her next post about him stalking instagram models.

# ? May 22, 2017 19:50

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Nazzadan posted:

This might have been posted, or one very similar

good comment chain

Government making concentration camps for us Hollocaust wasn't real�

That's an interesting combo

# ? May 22, 2017 19:50

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Blue Train posted:

I thought he got dumped by the cardboard cutout for a second

it just got blown over by the wind, they stood it back up the next day

Esoteric Scientist posted:

hahaha oh man this is sad

I can't tell if she's genuinely naive or extremely insecure (probably both). The husband doesn't even bother hiding his creepy wank materal from her, he knows he can just say whatever bullshit comes to his mind when she asks about it and she'll go with it. I'm eagerly awaiting her next post about him stalking instagram models.

why would someone wank to instagram models when reddit has reams of artisinal, locally sourced, fully nude pornography?

# ? May 22, 2017 19:50

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Yeah homeboy needs to be more pick-and-choosy with his conspiracy theories, he has like 3 contradictory ones in that post

# ? May 22, 2017 19:51

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

All Conspiracy Theories Are True

# ? May 22, 2017 19:53

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Alright this one isn't particularly good the first sentence just made me laugh.
My [17F] Dad [68M] has planted a huge vegetable garden, even though it drains our well.

quote:

I�ve known my Dad for 17 years and counting. We live in a place that�s in the woods. Not getting into specifics, but town politics has made the water in our town incredibly expensive. People have actually moved out because they can�t afford the water! Also the taxes but I digress. So we have a well. This well is notorious for running out of water in the summer. It actually got a little better for a few years, but now it�s much worse because of my Dad's behavior.
My Dad has decided that he loves growing vegetables and plants, and wants a huge garden. We live in the mountains so the soil is poor and rocky, but that won�t stop him, I guess. Last year, he planted tons of pumpkins, potatoes, onions, zucchini, and was like �We�re saving money!� He also loves watering his plants. Last year, he watered the plants so heavily that he would be standing outside for about 30 minutes, pointing the hose at full blast at his plants, watering the lawn, etc. So last year we ran out of water so many times it was awful. I couldn�t shower at home and had to shower at the gym. We had to use paper plates because we couldn�t wash dishes and we just had to �hold it� when we got home. Also, very little cooking, because, dishes! Tons of takeout.
My Dad blamed the water running out so much on the fact that my brother�s long-distance girlfriend came to visit over the summer. He said that she must be using tons of water and that�s why we�re running out.
This year, he�s planted an EVEN BIGGER garden. He dug up a bunch of the lawn�sigh. Our whole family begged him not to plant a garden and to find another hobby where we wouldn�t be running out of water so often. He accused us of always hating his hobbies and him, us wanting to see him miserable, etc. He said that we got a lot of snow this year and the well must be full to bursting and we won�t run out of water, and if we do, we�ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I watch him standing outside watering his plants so much it's ridiculous. I don�t care about his hobbies, it�s his life and his money, but I want to be able to take showers and use the bathroom! It�s not just his life here!
It�s not like we live in California or anything but it�s been very dry lately and spring has been so far dry and hot. We would be running out of water without the garden. My Mom said that she �can�t control him� and just gets all sad and mopey when I mention it. I must sound like a spoilt brat but I really hate not having any water at the house and I feel like he�s being selfish. Is there something else I can do? Am I just being a jerk and being mean?
tl;dr: My Dad has a huge vegetable garden. He uses so much water to water his plants that our well runs dry. He refuses to use less water. What can I do?

# ? May 22, 2017 19:55

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Old people are stubborn. Enjoy making GBS threads in the woods.

# ? May 22, 2017 20:00

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Gophers.

# ? May 22, 2017 20:04

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Sounds like its time to invite the vegetable stealing witch sisters of reddit to your home.

# ? May 22, 2017 20:05

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Naerasa posted:

When you think about it, rape is the ultimate form of oversharing.

I'm laughing at this and if anyone asks why I will lie.

# ? May 22, 2017 20:06

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Me [19F] feel like I am being sexually harassed by my co-worker [late 30's male]. Is it as bad as I think it is?

quote:

So I work at a bar, a local bar, nothing overly busy, but not overly quiet either. I love everyone I work with and get along with both genders easily at my work. However, there is one issue. My co-worker, the 'duty manager' for two nights I work on. He doesn't have over important jobs, just does the tills at the end of the day, bosses people around and makes sure the night runs smoothly.

He lives with his mother still, he is in his late 30's which I may believe is a factor to his completely ignorant and inappropriate behaviour towards women. I really do not think he understands boundaries or the lines he crosses, even though he has been warned twice already, from what I have heard.

I started the job almost 1 year ago, and from the start, this man has made me feel uncomfortable. I am a very easy going person so I generally just smile and laugh things of, because I like people and I hate unnecessary conflict. I am, I would say, attractive and I have a glowing smile that can often make people say inappropriate things they shouldn't, but again, just laugh it off, because most remarks do not bother me. After all, it is men just being men. But this has been ongoing, and really, I am just tired of this dynamic.

Most of this list happened at the beginning, then he went travelling for a duration and came back, got a talking to about his sexual behaviour and boundaries, but yet, it still continues.

Let me list the inappropriate behaviours:

Touched my bum numerous times as I bend over

Touch my undies numbers times ^

Point out the colour of my undies - which are generally bright, but I am my own women and do not have to change clothing because it catches his goddamn eye sight.

Lifted me off a chair when I was turning off a t.v, - I am able to get down -_-'

Lifted me in air, when I asked for a lift home,

tickles my on waist numerous times

tickled my neck, then proceeded to sit face on neck saying "this is the closest I have been to a girl before".

Today he lifted up my shirt to put a cold drink on my hip to see my reaction.

constantly makes sexual remarks - " that I am kinky"

Suggested for Friday the 13th party we had, that I dress in skimpy supernova costume consisting of bikini and undies.

He has made remarks to other girls, and has been reported twice before over other incidents.

There has been other incidents towards me from him, but this general covers the most important. The others are just repeats and repeats of this.

This man is making coming to work unenjoyable and is making my behaviour much more snappy and just 'over it'. Is this sexual harassment, what methods can I take. Perhaps he just needs more of a talking to, even though he has been spoken to on numerous occasions.

He is a nice person, but I just want boundaries, I do not want to be touched, or looked out sexually, or told sexual remarks. I just want space to enjoy my workspace, without worrying about bending over, or feeling like I want to cry whilst working. I also do not want to lose any work hours as this supports my lifestyles and I also do not want to damage his life. Just why can't he have common sense of whats right and what is defiantly NOT.

Advice. Thank-you
tl;dr: My co-worker does sexual inappropriate things at work making me uncomfortable. Has been spoken to twice, but it continues. Over this feeling. Advice on which method is best and what approach should I take

# ? May 22, 2017 20:06

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

A problem that could easily have been solved by a pair of dog rollerskates to the face

# ? May 22, 2017 20:07

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

dudeness posted:

Me [19F] feel like I am being sexually harassed by my co-worker [late 30's male]. Is it as bad as I think it is?

tickled my neck, then proceeded to sit face on neck saying "this is the closest I have been to a girl before".

Lmao

# ? May 22, 2017 20:09

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

put the dog rollerskates into a sock and swing it into this guy's face like a bolo

# ? May 22, 2017 20:09

Barudak: May 7, 2007

dudeness posted:

Me [19F] feel like I am being sexually harassed by my co-worker [late 30's male]. Is it as bad as I think it is?

You know I used to be confused about people who had to watch videos about the Diamond Zone to understand the concept of personal space thinking that obviously a pervert knows their being transgressive, they dont care. Now I realize some people have no clue and genuinely do need a 15 minute educational film on appropriate social contact to understand that they are being wronged.

# ? May 22, 2017 20:11

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Me [25 M] just found out my wife [24 F] of almost 4 years, racked up $12k of credit card and tax debt, and has been actively hiding it from me.

quote:

I just uncovered (what I really really hope is) everything. There were some red flags that I foolishly ignored, here is a rough timeline..
We've been together since highschool, and married young (21 - 20). It was pretty clear from the beginning, and we even had conversations specifically about it, that she would handle the money. Her parents are incredible with money, they are avid couponers, exceptional investors and mind mindbogglingly frugal. It was logical to me that she would inherit at least some of this, and since I hated everything to do with finances it made perfect sense. More back-story, I'm the primary breadwinner. She makes less than 10k a year from a part time job.
Shortly after we were married she got a couple of credit cards that had cash back or air mileage programs and explained to me that as long as we kept them paid off, they'd basically be giving us free money.
A year before we were married I started working as a freelance contractor. This meant I had to pay estimated taxes every quarter. Last year (tax year 2013) she offered to take over my taxes and I happily agreed (again, hate finances). I just told her every quarter "I made $X, so send the IRS $Y". Four times she told me she would. This last tax season I found out she lied every single time.
We got a massive bill, thousands of it were from the late fees alone. I only found out because I had to help (and sign) for the taxes. This basically wiped our nest egg, and left us owing $5k that we had to put on a payment plan with the IRS. She apologized and cried a lot, and said she just misunderstood the estimated taxes and this kind of thing would never ever happen again. I shrugged it off, people make mistakes.
There is about $4,200 left to pay the IRS.
Jump forward to this June, we moved into a new place. The city requires a credit check to turn on the water/sewage/etc. I go to the office to sign and finalize it, and to my surprise they require a rather large deposit. I ask about it, and they said it was due to the credit check. I looked over the credit report and it had a column that was "These items negatively affect your score" most of them were fine like "Credit history to short" but one line really stood out to me: "Average balance on all accounts above 30%". When we first got the credit cards our limit was $2,000, so I was though "Ok, $600 in credit debt isn't a big deal." I told my wife about the credit check and the large deposit and she said something like "Oh yeah I'm sorry I kind of let it slip this last month, it'll be fine next month."
What I didn't know at the time was that out credit limit had increased to $5,000, and that we were far far past the 30% mark.
Just over a month ago I come home and sit down at the computer, which we both use. My wife comes over and sits next to me and starts telling me about her day. I close the browser window which had been open and behind it is a PDF statement for one of the credit cards. My wife screams "CLOSE THAT!!!!" and grabs the mouse and closes it, but before she does I see at the top a massive "Current Balance $4,900.00" (It wasn't exactly 4,900 there was some change). She turns bright red and looks at me with a look of "Did you just see that?". I say something like "Forty nine hundred dollars!?!" and she breaks down and starts crying. She explains that it just got out of hand and she lost control and its been snowballing and she didn't want to tell me about it because it'd stress me out and it was all her fault. Then she says something that still pisses me off to think about :
"It all started when you stopped working from home and got a job, I didn't realize you were going to make a lot less money."
This pisses me off because I got a 20% raise when I stopped freelancing.. It just seemed like less money because of tax withholding, and I was contributing to an 401k, AND our health insurance got 10x better. So there was less cash in the bank every week, BUT I WAS MAKING MORE MONEY.
Anyway, we have a long talk and decide the money needs to be transparent. We setup You Need a Budget and she went through and added everything in. We decide that every single week we'll go through our weekly expenses, and neither of us will spend any money without telling the other. We plan everything out and figure out that we can pay off the credit card by the end of the year if we eat super cheap, and never go out. At some point during this day long talk and planning session I notice she has left out the other credit card from YNAB...
I ask her about it directly, like I looked her dead in the eye and said "What about the Amex?" She looked at me, and with a straight face said "Its at like $400 - $600, I barely ever put anything on it because it doesn't have cash back. I'll pay it off this month then just close it."
For some stupid loving reason I believed her.
Now skip forward to this morning, I decided to check on everything because we had some minor, but unexpected, expenses this week and I wanted to see how it'd affect our long term pay-off plan.
I logged into the Amex account and see that it has a balance of $3,534.39. Not only that, but I logged into the other credit card to find that its $1,000 HIGHER than what she is reporting in YNAB. She recorded 2x $500 payments in YNAB that she never actually paid.
I'm looking through the statements and where I have been living on basically chicken breasts and vegetables, she has been eating out multiple times a week while I was at work. There are countless expenses that I can't account for and that go way beyond the budget we planned. Our plan to have (what I now know is only half) our debt paid off by the end of the year is completely botched already, just a month in.
I feel sick. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again. My stomach churns every time I think about her face when she told me the Amex only had a balance of $400. I'm seriously considering a divorce.
Would a divorce be an over reaction? Is this something I should be able to forgive?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
tl;dr: My wife lied to me about our taxes, and put us $5k in debt with the IRS. Then lied about our Credit Cards and hid the fact that we were thousands of dollars in debt. Then lied to my face when confronted about it. Then repeatedly cheated on our mutually agreed upon budget plan to pay it off.

On the brightside there are 2 updates where things got better to the point they are now debt free and in counseling.

# ? May 22, 2017 20:15

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Asking for a lift home and then being literally picked up would be funny in a different context.

That's the nicest thing I can say, I think

# ? May 22, 2017 20:18

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Dude isnt ignoring red flags so much looking at red flag factory, feeling unfomfortable, and then buying a pair of red wavelength canceling sunglasses.

# ? May 22, 2017 20:19

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Nazzadan posted:

Me [25 M] just found out my wife [24 F] of almost 4 years, racked up $12k of credit card and tax debt, and has been actively hiding it from me.

On the brightside there are 2 updates where things got better to the point they are now debt free and in counseling.

Counseling is not the answer he needs to gtfo

# ? May 22, 2017 20:20

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

CharlestheHammer posted:

Don't forget that dude who basically what about the men? Every time. Cum something.

Men are underepresented in that list

# ? May 22, 2017 20:22

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# ? May 27, 2024 00:28

Hello Ketene: Dec 30, 2011

maskenfreiheit posted:

it just got blown over by the wind, they stood it back up the next day

why would someone wank to instagram models when reddit has reams of artisinal, locally sourced, fully nude pornography?

Well we'll just have to wait for her next post where she posts about how he openly writes love letters to butthole pictures on r/gonewild on his main reddit account

# ? May 22, 2017 20:23

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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