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KomodoWagon posted:I saw a kid yelling at a homeless guy for trying to steal a box of the cheapest white wine at a supermarket. He kept on yelling for the whole ten minutes I was in there, and hadn't stopped by the time I left. Wasn't even the manager or anything lol. Walmart employees are generally a 95/5 split of "don't give a gently caress, just cashing my checks" and "I BLEED WALMART BLUE." You could casually open a soda right off the shelf in front of the former, drink it, and leave the empty bottle on the shelf, and he or she wouldn't give a flying gently caress. The latter are somehow fully indoctrinated and have been convinced that they've got a bright future in upper management, when the truth is that 100% of the time, the best they'll do before they get relegated to greeter is be a 2nd assistant department manager. That five percent are the ones "going above and beyond," which, in their minds, entails screaming at little kids for stealing Pokemon cards, harassing hobos, watching you like an angry hawk at the self-checkouts, overly-scrutinizing your ID when you get carded for spraypaint or whatever, etc.
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May 26, 2017 16:14
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You forgot about the secret 0.001% which are just people who stole a smock and are blending in while planning their wal-mart heist
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May 26, 2017 16:31
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You can sneak into any concert you want if you walk into the backdoor while shining a flashlight at the ground and walking quickly. Toss a lanyard around your neck if you really wanna take it to the next level. That is the lamest crime.
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May 26, 2017 16:38
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Jimmy Hats posted:You forgot about the secret 0.001% which are just people who stole a smock and are blending in while planning their wal-mart heist Non-anonymous confession: Anytime I go to Staples I always make sure to wear a red polo shirt. And whenever someone comes up and asks a question I start out by pretending to answer it then immediately tell em that I don't work there.
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May 26, 2017 16:47
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Jimmy Hats posted:You forgot about the secret 0.001% which are just people who stole a smock and are blending in while planning their wal-mart heist When I used to work at Walmart my friend would walk around without any clothes on aside from my Walmart vest and underpants One time he walked out with a pumpkin and no one stopped him but one guy kept yelling at him about where he got the vest
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May 26, 2017 17:48
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I dont think object fetish is that unusual, our prez humped a chair
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May 26, 2017 17:57
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Jimmy Hats posted:You forgot about the secret 0.001% which are just people who stole a smock and are blending in while planning their wal-mart heist this is my fetish
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May 26, 2017 18:21
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got any sevens posted:I dont think object fetish is that unusual, our prez humped a chair it's true 
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May 26, 2017 18:22
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maskenfreiheit posted:it's true I do that all the time
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May 26, 2017 18:43
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Jimmy Hats posted:I do that all the time DM me
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May 26, 2017 19:08
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Jimmy Hats posted:I do that all the time 
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May 26, 2017 21:56
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loquacius posted:Monogamous? Man, why you gotta stifle the most phallic structure in the world like that Structures cannot consent. You violated the thing you claim to love. *honk honk*
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May 26, 2017 22:21
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quote:My boss sent a department wide email yesterday complaining about productivity and us missing some goals. This has been going on for a while and he was understandably angry. just own it, I say Your story is that you really wanted everyone to know your boss is an out of touch old poo poo and that you couldn't give a gently caress about his wrinkly old rear end valuable information definitely quote:I am avoiding one name here for an obvious reason you will see. lol that overdone steak is in the prophecy
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May 26, 2017 22:30
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please delete any confessions about politics or the oompa loompa
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May 26, 2017 22:53
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stay safe therapy ghost
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May 26, 2017 22:58
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Dick Hubbell posted:My grandpa had a lot of issues with the church as a young man and he actually did something about it. He went out and started his own religion. Right now the followers are pretty small, only 17 of us but we are very devoted. We believe in God and Heaven but don't believe in Hell. Anyone who would go to Hell in a traditional religion is instead trapped in amber and sealed in the center of the universe - alive but unliving. There are some other big differences but that's the only relevant part to why I'm confessing this. Just remember to put three power cores in the UFO, not four.
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May 26, 2017 23:13
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Drump gonna live forever in amber like the god from wh2k
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May 27, 2017 00:21
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loquacius posted:... lmao at the great evil's "stubby claws"
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May 27, 2017 00:49
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scan the pages plz cultgoon
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May 27, 2017 00:58
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quote:My grandpa had a lot of issues with the church as a young man and he actually did something about it. He went out and started his own religion. Right now the followers are pretty small, only 17 of us but we are very devoted. We believe in God and Heaven but don't believe in Hell. Anyone who would go to Hell in a traditional religion is instead trapped in amber and sealed in the center of the universe - alive but unliving. There are some other big differences but that's the only relevant part to why I'm confessing this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1I-6NYUp7t8&t=36s
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May 27, 2017 01:04
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alpaca diseases posted:scan the pages plz cultgoon Yes. YES!
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May 27, 2017 01:05
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yeah I eat rear end posted:Why are the petty thief feshes so self-satisfied and smug about it? Do you really think we're impressed you steal like 10-20 bucks of stuff once in a while? I bet you picture yourself pulling off a oceans eleven style heist when in reality even if they knew you were walking out with a ream of stolen paper they'd probably just shrug and go on with their day looking for thieves that steal stuff that's actually worth something.
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May 27, 2017 01:11
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GUYS STOP posted:they're incapable from stealing from someone more sophisticated. let them go about their weird miserable lives trying to avoid every security camera Alternately: be white (I was gonna look up the scene in Friday and then maybe the one in Boondocks but w/e you know what I mean)
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May 27, 2017 01:19
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Bank robbers usually get away with it if they only do it once. Just grow some balls and knock over a bank.
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May 27, 2017 01:23
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Solice Kirsk posted:Bank robbers usually get away with it if they only do it once. Just grow some balls and knock over a bank. Few know that D.B. Cooper is actually in the five-timers crew alongside Alec Baldwin FACT
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May 27, 2017 01:29
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loquacius posted:just own it, I say Why amber? That's just old rear end tree sap. It doesn't make any sense, no one chains dead bodies to trees. I don't think. Do people chain dead bodies to trees?
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May 27, 2017 01:36
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syscall girl posted:Few know that D.B. Cooper is actually Alec Baldwin
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May 27, 2017 01:42
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Is this video clip from 1998?
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May 27, 2017 01:49
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syscall girl posted:Few know that D.B. Cooper is actually in the five-timers crew alongside Alec Baldwin John Goodman has hosted SNL like 12 times. He was also King Ralph and brought Burger King to England citation needed. The man is a living treasure.
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May 27, 2017 02:11
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Solice Kirsk posted:John Goodman has hosted SNL like 12 times. He was also King Ralph and brought Burger King to England citation needed. The man is a living treasure. Yes but what did he, as a large white fella steal? Other than our hearts of course.
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May 27, 2017 02:16
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syscall girl posted:Yes but what did he, as a large white fella steal? Other than our hearts of course. Every scene he was in in Coyote Ugly.
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May 27, 2017 02:17
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Solice Kirsk posted:Bank robbers usually get away with it if they only do it once. Just grow some balls and knock over a bank. How much is usually on hand physically at banks? I was under the impression the usual haul for a bank robbery is actually a good bit smaller than movies would make you think.
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May 27, 2017 02:59
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fruit on the bottom posted:How much is usually on hand physically at banks? I was under the impression the usual haul for a bank robbery is actually a good bit smaller than movies would make you think. the tellers don't have much, most robbers don't have the balls to tie everyone up and go into the vault
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May 27, 2017 03:05
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Skipped: death threat toward someone named Trevor I'm not posting it but every Trevor out there should know, there was a death threat and it might have been yooouuuu  quote:My son was out of control. Acting out in public, causing fights at school, slipping grades... he's only 8 and was already starting down a dangerous path. I mean, I'm calling bullshit on this one, but my hypothetical response is y'know what's worse than your kid skipping homework, is your kid being dead quote:I have seen hosed up poo poo on the internet, we all have. Many nights when I was younger spent crawling through true crime poo poo and tooo much time on 4chan. There have been a handful of things that really loving haunt me still. I'll go about my business and then my brain will remind me of something horrible and disgusting. I'm sure you can figure it out,we've all seen things accidentally. I wish I could bleach my brain, I wish I had never read about so many crimes, I wish I hadn't spent so much time on 4chan when there was always the chance of something disturbing popping up unexpectedly.
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May 27, 2017 03:13
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fruit on the bottom posted:How much is usually on hand physically at banks? I was under the impression the usual haul for a bank robbery is actually a good bit smaller than movies would make you think. Usually a couple thousand for the tellers. If you really wanna make a huge haul then knocking over an ATM on a Saturday would be your best bet. There's probably almost $100k in twenties in each ATM, and they load them up full on Friday/Saturday to get them through the weekend.
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May 27, 2017 03:22
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Solice Kirsk posted:Usually a couple thousand for the tellers. If you really wanna make a huge haul then knocking over an ATM on a Saturday would be your best bet. There's probably almost $100k in twenties in each ATM, and they load them up full on Friday/Saturday to get them through the weekend. I dunno, I saw that episode of Breaking Bad and it didn't work out great
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May 27, 2017 03:25
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quote:My son was out of control. Acting out in public, causing fights at school, slipping grades... he's only 8 and was already starting down a dangerous path. this sounds like a great recipe for ending up getting murdered in your sleep by your kid
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May 27, 2017 03:27
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4chan goon you should pay a cool game called Sad Satan
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May 27, 2017 04:32
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alpaca diseases posted:scan the pages plz cultgoon
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May 27, 2017 06:45
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Yeah I stopped looking at 4chan for that exact reason, you're not alone sadbrain goon
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May 27, 2017 14:04
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