- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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i mostly think about pamela adlon when i'm with a partner.
(californication adlon, not king of the hill adlon)
Bill Murray
That's only true to some extent because everyone will change over time. At least, you ought to. You shouldn't be the same person at 50 that you were at 25.
you should mostly be changing for the better, though, not just the bigger
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May 28, 2017 18:51
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 14, 2024 06:16
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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I [26/F] don't think my boyfriend [40/M] is a good guy
quote:Christopher and I have been together for just under a year and I moved into his place 3 months ago.
I don't even know where to start with this but I'll first acknowledge our age gap. I'm 9-12 years younger than my siblings, so always grew up around people older than me and have previously dated older and been seen as "mature" so the age gap between Christopher and I initially didn't raise alarm bells. I recently found out Christopher's ex-wife is only a year older than me and they married when he was 35 and she was 22 which I've felt uncomfortable about since finding out. I guess I'd seen it as despite the age gap Christopher was with me because we clicked, but now I'm thinking maybe he intentionally goes for women much younger than him? This coupled with his recently emerged personality traits make me uneasy.
Christopher fights against EVERYTHING. Everything other than what he is, is bad. He hates aaaaall music apart from the type that he likes and regards anyone who listens to music he's not interested in as "intellectually inferior". He gyms and hikes a lot and therefore hates people that do yoga. He relies on logic (logic, only loving logic!) so feels that people that run on emotion are "r*tards". He's stopped drinking so those that hang out at the bars he used to frequent are "sloppy and disgusting".
He enjoys complaining. He reported a store employee for being on the phone (when she shouldn't have been I guess) despite the fact that it had no effect on our shopping trip whatsoever.
If he wants me to do something, he'll go on and on and on even if I tell him I'm not in the mood for his nonsense. I feel like I'm always telling him I don't want to fight. He expects sexy pictures from me when he's away on business but will never send anything in return. He loves telling me I'm wrong about things when discussing a topic and tries to "school" me, but god forbid I correct him on anything when he's wrong! He totally shuts down and refuses to speak to me because I've "disrespected" him.
He can be manipulative. For example, we had a huge fight on Thursday morning about the cable (he wants to cut it off, I don't) and he left for work with us being what felt like mortal enemies. He came home that evening and greeted me with a kiss as if nothing had happened. I said to him "why are you pretending to be nice?" and he said he's always nice (a lie). When I brought up the argument and the things he'd said he said I'd misunderstood!
He does have good qualities despite his infuriating attitude. He can be extremely loving and caring and he's very affectionate. He always makes sure I don't want for anything. He cooks, he cleans, he sends flowers, he handles the finances. He's there for me if I should ever need him. The sex is great and he's actually a very generous lover. But sometimes... I just can't deal with him.
I don't know what to do. I do love him but I cannot stand him most of the time at the moment. I'm doubtful that talking to him about it will have a positive effect because he's hardheaded and thinks he knows everything. I feel like these negative traits have popped up very recently. Is something going on or is this just the real him?
TLDR: My boyfriend has turned into a combative rear end in a top hat. Should I give up on him or see it through because I do love him?
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May 28, 2017 18:52
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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don't dox me
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May 28, 2017 18:52
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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oh no 15 lbs of grief bacon. this is definitely the worst thing your partner could ever do to you (ha ha ha)
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May 28, 2017 18:55
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- Khorne
- May 1, 2002
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oh no 15 lbs of grief bacon. this is definitely the worst thing your partner could ever do to you (ha ha ha)
50lbs is a giant change, or that guy who gained 200+lbs, and it's more understandable. People don't just put on 50-200lbs of fat unless something's wrong.
Khorne fucked around with this message at 19:02 on May 28, 2017
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May 28, 2017 18:56
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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also you don't say "hey der girlie, you've gained some weight, better get your numbers in line or you're going to dumpsville"... you ask her to work out with you and maybe take over cooking for a little as a hint sheesh
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May 28, 2017 18:57
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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oh no 15 lbs of grief bacon. this is definitely the worst thing your partner could ever do to you (ha ha ha)
Anyways the title caught my eye on this one
My [28/F] boyfriend [28/M] called me a "fat bitch" during a fight about my weight
quote:It's a long story, so I'll try to include the most relevant points.
From May-August, I rapidly gained a pretty substantial amount of weight (25lbs), especially for a person of my build/size (5'3 female, average frame; went from approx. 140 to 165lbs). I am not crazy huge or anything, but the weight gain has taken a significant toll on my self-esteem, confidence, feelings of worth, etc., and basically makes me feel really bad about my body/sexual appeal/attractiveness. I have mentioned all these issues to my boyfriend (5+ years together) on numerous occasions, and for the most part, he has been very supportive (e.g., "You are still beautiful to me," "you don't look that different to me," "It's OK, I know you've gained weight but you can lose it" etc.).
Yesterday, however, he said some things to me that I found to be incredibly hurtful, vile and malicious. In a nutshell: after trying to eat healthier and be more active for the past 2 months, I finally had the courage to weigh myself (I had not done this since I began to try to lose weight). My boyfriend, again, was very encouraging, and said things like, "Honestly, you're probably 5lbs heavier than normal. You're way smaller now, you look good. You're like, 145lbs..it's been 2 months!". So I stepped on the scale, feeling like I had made substantial progress, only to see the number 159 glaring back at me. I'd only lost 5lbs, and I was incredibly disappointed by my lack of progress. Basically, I got upset, was incredibly frustrated, and began to cry. My boyfriend proceeded to try and comfort me, and said "the scale must be broken, there's no way you're 159lbs" and also claimed that I "didn't look that big" and that I'd "lose weight in no time". Clearly, he was coming from a good place, and was trying to make me feel better. However, like most people, I don't like it when my problems/feelings are minimized, dismissed, or invalidated, so I told him clearly that the scale wasn't broken - that was my weight, I'd only lost 5lb, I was still 20lbs heavier than normal, and I felt fat, embarrassed and ashamed. A 3 hour fight ensued, that basically began like this:
John: No! You look good...don't worry! You'll start losing weight quickly. You're beautiful...the scale is totally wrong....
Me: John, I don't feel beautiful. I feel fat and ugly. I'm 20lbs overweight. I'm disappointed and angry. I'm embarrassed and discouraged. This is how I feel. I barely lost any weight. The scale doesn't lie. You can't convince me otherwise. Please don't just say I've "lost tons of weight" when clearly I haven't. I know you're trying to encourage me, but I'd rather you just listen and be honest.
John: No! Don't feel that way! You're doing great! You look like you've lost 20lbs! The scale must be broken.
Me: John, I don't feel like you're listening. I'm not asking you to prove me wrong. This is how I feel, please just acknowledge and validate how I feel. This really upsets me.
John: I am listening!
Me: I don't feel like you're listening. You're just disagreeing with me
John: Well, gently caress, I tried to help! I'm doing what you ask...Fine! (storms off)
After this exchange, and crying alone in my room, we then drove to a friend's birthday party, and he began to talk to me like nothing happened. I told him I was still upset about my weight, and didn't like feeling invalidated and ignored, and that I was still wanting empathy/support from him. He then became incredibly short with me, and said things like "(sarcastic/angry tone) yeah, I'm just a horrible awful boyfriend, aren't I? I'm the worst". I'd then say "I'm not saying that, I'm just upset about my weight and want empathy/support". This continued to escalate until he began to yell and say awful things, which culminated in this gem:
John: Good luck finding another boyfriend, you loving fat bitch. He's going to have to be a loving pussy to put up with your poo poo.
I was shocked. Not only did he name-call, I was incredibly hurt that he would call me a "fat bitch" specifically to hit me where it hurts. It felt malicious and awful. I bawled. I couldn't believe it escalated to that point. We went home, barely spoke, slept in separate beds, and today he left to visit family. A few times, in an angry tone of voice, and has given me very curt apologies (eg "I'm sorry I was rude"), but that's it. I've cried several times today already, and told him how shocked and disappointed I am by how he treated me.
I'm at a loss. If I try to explain how hurt I am, I'm met with "Yeah I'm the loving worst! Just break up with me then if I'm such an rear end in a top hat". I don't know what to do.
Any help or insight is appreciated. And sorry for rambling.
EDIT: It seems people are misunderstanding why the empathy aspect is so important and frustrating to me. For those interested: empathy in relationships
I totally thought the dude was going to be a gigantic rear end in a top hat but hell I almost ran out of patience just reading the post and he's been putting up with this poo poo for half a year.
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May 28, 2017 19:03
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- the holy poopacy
- May 16, 2009
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hey! check this out
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Fun Shoe
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That's only true to some extent because everyone will change over time. At least, you ought to. You shouldn't be the same person at 50 that you were at 25.
I'm sorry, babe, but you have to admit you're not the same person anymore. What happened to the hot 22 year old I married? If you want to keep turning older I won't stop you, but I just feel we're drifting apart and you need to understand that this may not last forever if you keep going at the same rate. I'm still the same person I always was, because I want to bang 22 year olds, but you just keep changing more and more from what you used to be.
Oh well. Happy 24th birthday, for what it's worth.
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May 28, 2017 19:04
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- Unload My Head
- Oct 2, 2013
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I totally thought the dude was going to be a gigantic rear end in a top hat but hell I almost ran out of patience just reading the post and he's been putting up with this poo poo for half a year.
Yes, the person shouting "fat bitch" at his soon to be ex-gf is the sympathetic one here.
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May 28, 2017 19:13
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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Yes, the person shouting "fat bitch" at his soon to be ex-gf is the sympathetic one here.
that's the beauty of /r/relationships... you can put up with months or years of poor behavior, but if you break one of their cardinal rules you're a terrible, abusive partner.
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May 28, 2017 19:17
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Yes, the person shouting "fat bitch" at his soon to be ex-gf is the sympathetic one here.
Obviously that's a dick move but can you really read that and tell me the 3 hour pity party where even when he's trying to be reassuring she just gets mad at him over her own lack of progress wouldn't wear through most people's patience. Dude literally spent hours trying to assure her she looked great and that even 5 pounds was a good effort while she whined at him, and then she brought it up again after they dropped it to go to a birthday party.
For someone whining about empathy a bunch she sure can't put her feet in his shoes at all.
I mean obviously I don't agree with him calling her a fat bitch but it was obviously an outburst that came from him being at the end of his rope and I dunno how he could have put up with that for so long in the first place, I'd have been out months ago if I were him.
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May 28, 2017 19:20
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I'm sorry, babe, but you have to admit you're not the same person anymore. What happened to the hot 22 year old I married? If you want to keep turning older I won't stop you, but I just feel we're drifting apart and you need to understand that this may not last forever if you keep going at the same rate. I'm still the same person I always was, because I want to bang 22 year olds, but you just keep changing more and more from what you used to be.
Oh well. Happy 24th birthday, for what it's worth.
You write it like it's a joke but this seems to be a recurring theme
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May 28, 2017 19:24
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- dudeness
- Mar 5, 2010
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 Cat Army
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Fallen Rib
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Bit of a long one, but if you read only one part make it the final bolded part.
My[26F] sister[25F] is in an unhealthy relationship with a lazy guy claiming he has (undiagnosed) anxiety, fibromyalgia, and internet addiction so he can't support himself.
quote:My sister Lucy met her S/O Danny[25M] two years ago online where they developed a relationship and eventually met in person. She was really private about it so I didn't know the gory details until the guy was driving across three states and moving into her apartment two months after meeting in person. I try not to judge because to me what matters is that he makes her happy but I can't help but think he's leeching off of her.
The guy has zero motivation to get a job. For the past year he's made no effort to find work and the only time he's gone out and collected applications was when my sister made ultimatums. He then said no one would hire him because he lacks experience (even McDonald's..). Our Dad works at a local college so he offered to help him get a job there with the landscaper that works on the property but then suddenly Danny had a disability so he couldn't work. Danny claims he suffers from severe anxiety, an internet addiction, and has fibromyalgia. He then said he was going to get disability in our state. FYI Danny hasn't been diagnosed by any doctor with these issues. His only physical issue is that he is obese so the whole process to apply for disability would take months and more likely than not he would be denied the first time. One of my cousins suffered a severe brain injury that resulted in her now living with grand mal seizures and never being able to get a job to support herself. It took her three years to get on disability.
I wasn't fully aware of the extent of his laziness until my sister confided in me. She felt embarrassed that he made zero effort to support himself in the smallest degree. It didn't start out immediately like this. Overtime he stopped doing house work, cooking, and cleaning. My sister is a Vet Tech so some days are very stressful to her (she has a big heart). And one day she texted him asking to put a pre-prepped meal in the oven so by the time she was home it would be done. She gets home and the meal (it was some type of pork loin) was sitting on the stove top. It appeared done on the outside but when she cut into it was raw and cold. He pretty much cooked it without following the specific instructions she gave him and pulled it out when he thought it was done because he didn't want to keep checking it while he sat at his computer. She broke down in tears and went to my parents house while he made excuses that his fibromyalgia was hurting him too much and his internet addiction was to blame. He just couldn't help himself apparently.
Lucy asked me to talk to Danny. My husband[27M] thought that the opposite should be done and I kind of wished I listened. One day we came to her apartment and kind of had an intervention with Danny. He kept going on and on about his problems. He said that ever since he was in elementary school he had bad anxiety and it all stemmed from when a black kid touched his hair because it was soft and curly. (Danny's hair looks like Hobbit hair) So that caused him to be insecure and anxious of what other people thought of him etc. I pointed out that if that was the issue and it caused him to be a shut in, how did he drive three states to move here. He explained it was because he loved my sister so much he overcame his anxiety temporarily. Ok... He also talked about him having fibromyalgia and debilitating pain etc and I pulled out papers showing that lack of physical activity and depression often exasperates it and that if he got a job instead of having this sedentary lifestyle it would get better. I told him about a friend that both my sister and I have who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia who lives a normal functional life and works. He complained about not having the resources to see a doctor or a psychologist so I gave him resources I had printed up with free services through local colleges and clinics with sliding pay scales that he could go to. I was really prepared lol. He seemed receptive to it and he promised my sister to explore these options. My sister offered to pay for his visits so it all seemed to be going well when we left.
I love my sister to death and I try hard not to judge anyone but I really don't like to see her miserable and being taken advantage of. At that point I was annoyed with Danny and his behavior but I didn't outright dislike him. In my family we tend to be peaceful and talk things out instead of things festering and blowing up. We try not to hold onto resentment but after Danny and Lucy's visit yesterday I've been really tested.
My job is very demanding and I work between 50-60 hours a week. I love it but it can be very draining especially at the end of the month. As a means of relaxing sometimes I indulge in smoking weed (it's completely legal in the state we live in). My husband doesn't do it but he doesn't judge. We were making pot roast for dinner and my sister asked if they could have dinner with us. We agreed and decided to make a night out of it watching movies etc. They arrive and I and greet them with hugs and Danny pulls back and asked if I smoked weed. I told him yes and he stayed quiet for a bit. Things seemed normal. For some reason Danny behaves awkwardly around my husband who really tries to accommodate him and bring him into conversations. It's always been that way, they are kind of opposites. My husband is a social open person where Danny hangs back. We were all eating at the dinning room table and chatting when my sister joked about me being "too high". I joked "There is never too high for me" and we laughed and Danny finally spoke up;
"Of course you're high." He said in a snarky tone. There was an awkward silence and honestly this was my breaking point. This rear end was killing my buzz, killing my husbands great meal, and most importantly he was killing my sister's self worth so I snapped.
"Yeah is that a problem?" I asked.
"It is, it's irresponsible and drug addicts do that kind of stuff. You judge me on my problems but you're a drug addict getting high all the time. You work at a company that builds (insert revealing technology and machinery. Sorry privacy) you are obviously putting people in danger you should be fired." He had this indignant expression on his face and the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
"What are you? Stupid? This state legalized recreational use of weed and I smoke in the privacy of my own home. Do you say this poo poo to people who drink beers when they get home?" Apparently according to my husband if looks could kill I would have been firing ion cannon beams from my eyes at Danny.
Danny crumpled and got up and left without saying a word. My sister apologized and quickly and followed after him. At that moment I didn't feel bad. We finished up dinner, cuddled on the couch and went to bed.
The today I got a call from my sister who said that the little episode at mine and my husband's house had exasperated his anxiety and he wont get out of bed. He refused to have Sunday brunch with my parents (apparently out of deadly fear I would be there) and tossed all the papers I gave him to help him out. When my sister tried to leave the house to see our parents without him Danny started sobbing begging for her not to go. He claimed we were conspiring to ruin their relationship. Of course this is bullshit. Everyone in my family has been kind to him. The only person that's ruining anything is Danny. He is wearing out his welcome like a dog dragging it's rear end on a nice carpet. He's now a mess and said that I couldn't be in their lives anymore because of what happened. He tried to gaslight her into him being the victim. I told my sister that I didn't want her to choose between anyone and that we loved her unconditionally but Danny made his bed. No one in our family is forcing her to make a choice between us or Danny. I told her she really needed to examine her life ever since he came into it.
I feel at a loss. I don't want to say to my sister "Dump that sorry bump on a log" because that seems to be what Danny would want. I think he's trying to isolate her from us, I don't know if he wanted conflict yesterday. He has, in the past, bragged about how he used to pit everyone against each other in MMO's he would play. He explained there was one guy he hated so over the course of a year befriended a lot of people and mutual friends just to character assassinate him and alienate the guy making him change servers. Danny claims that he changed and that was in the past. He doesn't do that kind of stuff anymore. When he said that I gave my sister a "WTF" look. Why would you want to be with someone who would brag about something like that?
I dislike the guy. If he fell off the face of the Earth tomorrow I wouldn't care. I only care about my sister and helping her out. What would be the best way to handle this situation? It feels so complicated and my sister has only ever had one other boyfriend before this in high school. She doesn't have the wisdom in dealing with a person like Danny or how an adult relationship should be. What would be the best way to help my sister without feeding into Danny's BS?
TL;DR - My sister Lucy is in an unhealthy relationship with a guy named Danny who claims to have severe anxiety, fibromyalgia, and internet addiction. Because of these he can't work but drive 3 states over to move in with my sister. None of these have been diagnosed by a doctor. He doesn't clean, cook, or do anything outside their apartment because of the issues he claims unless poked and prodded repeatedly by my sister. He bragged in the past about emotionally manipulating people for a year just to character assassinate a guy he hated and destroy his group of friends to alienate him. Danny claims that he is a changed person but stirred up a conflict in my home by claiming I was a drug addict and a danger to my co-workers because I smoked some weed IN MY HOUSE on a day off in a state that legalized recreational use. Now he's gas lighting and isolating my sister. What should we do?
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May 28, 2017 19:35
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Bit of a long one, but if you read only one part make it the final bolded part.
My[26F] sister[25F] is in an unhealthy relationship with a lazy guy claiming he has (undiagnosed) anxiety, fibromyalgia, and internet addiction so he can't support himself.
Some people deserve to be on the streets getting bitten by rats.
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May 28, 2017 19:56
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- GRINDCORE MEGGIDO
- Feb 28, 1985
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Should I (25M) confront my old school friends about their transphobic jokes? Non-Romantic
submitted 2 hours ago by doisayanything
quote: I'm in a WhatsApp group with several of my old friends from secondary school. I moved away to a different city to them a long time ago, and as the years have gone on I've been home less and less so I don't see them in person very often, so the group is a good way of keeping in touch.
For a while now, they've been using the group to share jokes and memes at the expense of trans and gender neutral people. Not that it should matter but the jokes aren't even good or funny; the punchlines pretty much always boil down to 'There are only two genders'.
Last month I bit the bullet and asked if these were really just jokes or if they reflected their real personal beliefs. The answers were almost all yes, they truly believe the content of the memes they share. A trans woman will never be a real woman, for example, and shouldn't be accepted as such. I made it clear that I did not believe the same as them, but I tried to respect their views and not attack them; at the end of the day, we all believe what we believe and we rarely have our minds changed by somebody telling us what we can and can't think or say.
Today, however, someone we all know made a post on Facebook about his partner's stolen wheelchair being found. Through the pronouns used in the post it's fairly obvious that his partner identifies as gender neutral. One of the people in our WhatsApp group, C, shared a screenshot of the post to us with the caption ''their', 'they'.
I don't know why this feels different but it does. C hasn't even gone to the effort of making a joke, or explaining why he feels the way he does. The very fact that this person's partner uses gender neutral pronouns is apparently grounds for a sneering comment in private. They cruelly had their wheelchair stolen, then returned by some wonderful person, and C's only response to such a heartwarming story is to point and laugh about that person's identity.
The question is: do I say anything? I honestly don't know. Is it worth trying to change the minds of people like this, or shall I keep quiet without consenting or endorsing? Due to the geographical distance between myself and my friends I've been feeling more and more disconnected from them anyway, so I don't think there are friendships at stake that I won't eventually lose anyway. Should I speak up?
TLDR; Old friends who I rarely see in person anymore use our WhatsApp group to share jokes and memes at the expense of trans and gender issues. Do I have a responsibility to object to them?
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May 28, 2017 20:17
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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Some people deserve to be on the streets getting bitten by rats.
http://m.arkansasonline.com/news/2017/may/18/parents-of-baby-bitten-by-rats-appear-i-1/
It's never the ones that deserve it.
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May 28, 2017 20:20
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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I feel like this was posted before but it's funny anyways so
My (28F) friend (26F) pretends she is Japanese, is alienating everyone around her
quote:Hello all and happy holidays.
My friend Cara has been obsessed with Japan and Japanese culture since we were in high school. She used to buy loads of candy from the local Asian corner stores and would watch lots of anime. Our friend group was very diverse and so no one thought too much of it. I just thought of it as a typical teenage phase like being emo or goth.
As we got older, however, Cara's behavior changed dramatically. She began to hang out with completely different people and reinvented herself to them. She started to tell people she was half Japanese and that her real dad lived in Japan. She said her caucasian father here was actually her step-dad and that her mom made her refer to him as her father because she wanted to erase any memory of Cara's "real" father. She majored in Japanese language in college. This was to "prepare for moving back to Japan" according to her. She had also begun to dye her hair black for years (insisting it was her natural color to anyone who met her) and wearing brown/black lenses. She also has legally changed her name to sound more Japanese.
She broke off contact with most friends who knew her from early on, and thus knew her and her family well. The few friends who she kept around eventually began to leave on their own because of her compulsive lying.
We were at a party recently with some of her new friends. When she was in another room, I overheard them talking about their recent trip to Japan with her. They were saying she was so embarassing and they felt awkward when she pointed out places she said she had gone to as a child. It seems they are just hanging out with her for a laugh.
Cara is an only child and very spoiled. She is used to getting her way often and is prone to tantrums. I don't think I necessarily want to remain her friend but I dont want her to continue down this path. I tried to talk to her about her lying, but she freaked out on me. She said I was crazy and that she really is half Japanese, and that Ive always been jealous of her because she looks exotic (she does not. she is plain faced, dirty blonde, and overweight).
She recently broke up with her boyfriend because he got too close to the truth about her. He tried to have dinner with her parents and Cara freaked out and told him he had no r ight to go behind her back. She actually went so far as to push him into a wall and yell at him. Shes been trying to tell everyone they broke up because he was talking to another girl, which is bullshit. Source? I was there, along with our friend Alex, in the basement when they were arguing.
Her parents have no clue about her behavior. She is careful to keep her friends away from family. She told them she studied Japanese because she wants to be a translator. I am considering perhaps writing them a letter because I am sincerely concerned for Cara. I think she needs therapy and need to face her lying.
Any advice on how to handle this?
TLDR; 100% caucasian friend pretends she is part japanese, compulsively lies to keep the story up. alienating her friends, and i think she needs help
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May 28, 2017 20:25
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- Bamabalacha
- Sep 18, 2006
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Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!
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A friends brother's wife is posting on Facebook right now how she identifies as Asian.
I'm semi interested in asking her how. She's.... not too smart, so it'd feel a bit like kicking a puppy.
I have had many, many people ask me if I'm part Asian, including my past Malaysian boyfriend and my past Korean boyfriend. I got insane weeabo inquiries when I was using online dating.
I'm a tall blonde with blue eyes. My family's a hodgepodge of Eastern European backgrounds. The only Asian looking thing about me is that I have almond shaped eyes with a moderate epicanthic fold.
Basically your brother's wife should be jelly of me, but I doubt why anyone would want that?
I also grew up in a super Chinese neighborhood and a huge chunk of my friends were always Chinese so it triple weirded me out.
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May 28, 2017 20:53
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvBlZy0wFOE
Trans racial people will not be silenced.
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May 28, 2017 20:57
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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My[22M] roommate [23M] wants to "decorate" the living room with swords and anime posters. I am not okay with this.
quote:After my roommate Arnold and I had been living together for about a month, I realized a few things: 1. Arnold is messy 2. He likes to "decorate", but in a very slapdash ineffective way.
A few weeks ago, when Arnold noticed that I bought new clocks to hang on the walls in the house, he wanted to contribute to the decorating as well. He asked me if he could help, and I said "Sure, why not" and I didn't think anything of it.
He goes to his closet, and when he comes back he has these goddamn McDonald's toy Pokemon plush dolls, and a giant Pikachu piggy bank. He places them on top of the bookcase and says, "There! It looks a lot better now, right?" I say yes, through gritted teeth.
I think they make the whole room look tacky and horrible(not to mention the fact that I think it screams immaturity to any guest who visits), but I keep my mouth shut because I want to keep the peace.
Recently though, Arnold has been wanting to add more "decorations". He has a large collection of swords in his room that he's collected from various anime conventions that he's attended, and one of his friends noticed that the living room looked barren (In other words, clean. Or tidy. How it's loving supposed to look). So he suggested that he could have an "awesome-looking" sword display in the living room.
So one day, I come home and Arnold has already hung 8 swords along the wall. He's obviously very proud of the display, and he tells me how much of an improvement it is.
No. No loving way. Swords?? Hell no. People will think a psychopath lives here. I begrudgingly tell Arnold that it looks "fine", though.
I honestly don't know what to do at this point. Arnold has already told me that he plans on hanging some anime posters up in the living room as well. What if I want to bring a girl home? Or my parents? The living room is NOT a place for those things. He needs to keep that poo poo in his bedroom.
TL;DR Roommate wants swords and anime posters on display in the living room. I think they look tacky and frightening to any "normal" person who might walk into the house.
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May 28, 2017 21:01
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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I think this is the third or fourth time this one's been posted.
forgive me senpai
I (20F) don't want to watch any shows/movies with my boyfriend (20M) if they contain nudity. He thinks nudity is too prevalent to avoid completely.
quote:I need to make this clear. I don't care what my boyfriend (4 year relationship) watches in his spare time. I just get jealous seeing him watch that. I'm insecure about my own body, and I'll never have a body quite like any of the actresses in movies. Anime nudity bothers me as well, as many of his friends are, uh, 'into' nude anime. My boyfriend enjoys anime of many genres, but even the more serious ones feature scantily clad women.
He wants to share the shows he likes with me, and even goes so far as to say he only likes the female characters that remind him of me. I'm just too insecure to watch that sort of stuff. We've had to change certain movies because impromptu sex scenes show up, which is fairly unavoidable in non-children's movies. Am I being unreasonable? Is there a way to get over this insecure feeling?
tl;dr I don't want to watch anything with nudity with my boyfriend.
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May 28, 2017 21:49
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Title says it all:
Me [24M]with my girlfriend [23F] (3 years), asked me if I am less attracted to her because she gained weight, I said yes and now she won't talk to me. Where to go from here?
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May 28, 2017 21:50
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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women who get angry men won't date them due to their weight are as bad as men who get angry women won't date them due to their toxic personalities 
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May 28, 2017 21:51
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Me 25 M with my girlfriend (24 F) 2 years- She's gained a lot of weight, I'm struggling to still be attracted to her and her eating habits are sending me broke.
quote:Hi everyone.
I've been with my girlfriend for two years, and we've rented a place together for a little over a year.
We met through a mutual friend and hit it off right away. We have a lot of shared interests and I thought she was gorgeous. Not particularly slim, maybe just bigger than average/bordering on chubby and carrying it very well.
However, since we got together she has gained about 35kg (77lb)
It was a slow creep at first. I didn't really notice and when she started complaining that her clothes weren't fitting I though she looked fine. But soon after that she really ballooned up, mostly in the year that we've lived together. It's started to become a problem, because whilst I still really care for her I no longer find her attractive.
I've tried suggesting exercising together, trying healthier foods etc. whenever I do she becomes very defensive. She insists that she's healthy and exercises every day and gets upset. Last time I tried to discuss it she really went off- said I was being shallow and started crying, so I once again dropped it. I'm at a loss with how to address this problem without ending the relationship.
Before we moved in together I didn't have as much exposure to her eating habits. I thought she ate fairly normally, but it turns out that isn't the case. Which brings me to the more immediate problem.
Because of the nature of my work hours, I'm generally not away from work at times that the grocery store is open. Excepting a couple of days a fortnight which I try to spend doing more enjoyable things and catching up on sleep, for that reason she does most of the good shopping - we split the bill down the middle but she is the one who physically goes to the store.
Initially, I would give her my half of the budgeted amount ($100 each for the fortnight) and if it went slightly over or under we would sort it out, and if she had to go back over the fortnight to get additional things (fresh veg, special ingredients for a meal etc) I would pay half of that too. It worked and was fair and it never went over about $150 a fortnight each.
In the last 6 months or so this has changed. She will still take my money to do the grocery shopping, but is now constantly going over our budgeted amount by quite a bit, and I'm not seeing much of the food (I know she is still buying it, I see the receipts)
She will do the big shop, but most of the food will be gone in three or for days. She works but is home much more often than me and it seems that she is just eating large amounts of our food when in at work. There have been quite a few days where I have come home and there hasn't been anything I can eat for dinner, so I've had to go back out and buy myself something.
She's purchasing a lot more snacks and convenience meals instead of the fresh stuff I prefer too, I spoke to her about that and asked her to go back to buying more fresh meat and vegetables, but even when she has done so I come home to find that she has cooked and eaten it during the day and not left any for me. Not long ago I came home to find that an entire tray of 20 chicken drumsticks and a whole load of bread that had been brought the day before were gone.
I have tried to subtly bring it up with her before and she has just said that groceries are getting more expensive, and that I can't expect her not to eat during the day. I told her I didn't expect that but maybe she should start buying her own snacks separately or cutting down on the volume of food that she eats but she has insisted that it's normal and that I just don't understand how expensive groceries are.
I know that food shopping is expensive sometimes but as I've said I see the receipts. There's enough food being brought but I'm not seeing any of it. I don't earn a bad wage but I have a lot of other expenses and am trying to save for the future. I can't afford to keep shelling out all this extra money. At this point I'm paying out around twice my budgeted amount ($300+ a fortnight) and on top of that she's always asking me to bring home take aways.
I'm at the end of my rope, and I'm considering just saying that I'll be buying my own groceries from now on, and if her weight gain and behaviour continues- leaving her. I don't want to do that, I love her and everything else about her is great, but health and living a long active life are important to me, and I'm simply not attracted to her the way she is now.
Does anyone have any solutions or methods for dealing with this?
tl;dr: My girlfriend has gained a lot of weight and our food bill has doubled. I can't afford it anymore, am losing my attraction to her and am considering leaving. Help/advice appreciated.
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May 28, 2017 22:00
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- dudeness
- Mar 5, 2010
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Cat Army
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Fallen Rib
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My girlfriend of about two years occasionally [22f] thinks I'm [25m] "cringe" or fedoracore/neckbeard. She's explained to me many times why certain actions/hobbies/clothes are wrong but I don't really get it, never have
quote:This isn't a dealbreaker or serious situation for either of us, but I'm interested in hearing some voices outside the relationship. She's a former party girl, I'm a former party guy, we both miss our old lifestyle but we enjoy each other's company way too much to go back. All in all I'd say our relationship is awesome for the most part.
Thing is, sometimes I do or say something that makes her cringe and obviously she's not into that, especially because cringe memes are so popular now. Most of these things are pretty core elements of my personality or style, not just an offhand joke or comment. For example, I've always loved the fedora/suit/fur coat look on guys. I don't wear it anymore because it makes her nervous, and I don't mind giving that up because I love her. I have a pre-WWI Prussian military replica outfit that I used to wear around campus on occasion and it was kind of 'my thing' but I can't really wear that anymore even for fun because it's a "neckbeard" thing. I have a whole closet full of victorian/steampunk garb that I used to just wear around for fun and now I can't even wear it to conventions because I might end up in some cringe meme pic (which wouldn't bother me that much tbh).
Another example is when I make a joke or recommend a movie, it can be something all my friends love and makes me howl with laughter, but makes her friends facepalm and be embarrassed of me, which makes her embarrassed by proxy. I've learned to change my sense of humor around her friends but I don't think the things I like are that weird. It's usually things like "Wizard People Dear Reader" and SNL skits. It's not like I'm watching Sonic or Naruto.
There are other little things too, like when I drink Monster (happens once or twice a year), when I tell people I prefer 100% pure maple syrup from a tree, when I order something off the organic menu, or when I ask a vaguely deep or scientific question (even if I don't think it's scientific or deep at all), where she just rolls her eyes and gives me the "here we go again" speech.
tl;dr: Why are these things bad? Unorthodox maybe, but I don't understand why I'm being lumped in with Chris-Chan and the Naruto kids.
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May 28, 2017 23:05
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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I don't think the cake is what's going to cause this Redditor's parents to pitch a fit 
My [30F] Fiancee [26F] has her heart set on a rainbow cake for our wedding, but my slightly homophobic parents invited themselves at the last minute.
quote:
Thanks for taking the time to read and any advice would be greatly appreciated!
A little backstory, after being confronted by my parents about my being a lesbian, I was forced to find alternate living arrangements. Since then, there has been very little to no contact (over 2 years at this point) with the occasional pained lunch with my father as we work within walking distance of each other. Before coming out, I was really involved with the family. It was really difficult to deal with the rejection, but I managed.
Anyway, I proposed to the love of my life, the light of my world, and have been working on arrangements. We picked out a cake together that she absolutely adores. It's a beautiful rainbow cake from the gay owned bakery near her work. This is very important to her. Honestly, I don't really care too much one way or the other about what the cake looks like, I'm butch and she's femme, so as long as we're together and she's happy, I'm happy.
I had lunch with my dad recently, and I, for whatever reason, had been feeling guilty about not mentioning such a major event in my life even though he has NO right to know, given his past behavior but I let it slip that we are getting married July 1, at her family's vineyard. I did not anticipate what would happen next.
He texted me later indicating that he and my stepmom are planning to attend the wedding. I was extremely taken aback, but I don't feel like I can tell him no because he IS family and I want to begin to heal from this. I'm just worried about how he will react when he sees the cake because, well, it's really gay. I feel like maybe we should tone it down given their obvious discomfort because I don't want an incident.
But then again, I know my fiancee will be heartbroken if we get a different cake. Her family has always been accepting of her being gay so she doesn't really understand what this is like. What should I do?
tl;dr: Homophobic parents plan to crash gay wedding with a rainbow cake. I think we should switch from a rainbow cake to a more traditional cake, but my fiancee's heart is set on the rainbow cake. What do?
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May 28, 2017 23:11
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- Streak
- May 16, 2004
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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My girlfriend of about two years occasionally [22f] thinks I'm [25m] "cringe" or fedoracore/neckbeard. She's explained to me many times why certain actions/hobbies/clothes are wrong but I don't really get it, never have
if you even know who Chris-Chan is you are irredeemable trash, no questions asked.
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May 28, 2017 23:13
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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Also I accidentally posted the cake story in the D&D trump thread and people just went with it.
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May 28, 2017 23:17
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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Just got this PM from some D&D dude who thinks I'm a lesbian lmfao
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May 28, 2017 23:24
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- putrid aidsman
- Apr 13, 2017
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by Lowtax
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I've always loved the fedora/suit/fur coat look on guys.
i keep reading this as fedora/suit/fur suit
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May 28, 2017 23:26
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- Improbable Lobster
- Jan 6, 2012
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"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
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Buglord
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That's a trilby, not a fedora. Fedoras have a wider brim.
That's a nifty jacket, but not for everyday wear. You wear that for special occasions.
If his hobby is cosplay, so what? If it weirds you out, find someone who isn't into cosplay.
That's not an appropriate coat for anything besides LARPing
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May 29, 2017 00:52
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