Motherfucker posted:

at least it died with its principals intact

yeah I eat rear end posted:

At this point I'd be happy to see a circumcision or raising kids to be religious derail...anything but this.

Fartbox posted:

Is pizza a sandwich?

Arrhythmia posted:

You guys took a real poo poo on this thread, but it's okay, as long as you wipe standing up.

bradzilla posted:

Shut the gently caress up about temperature measurements, no one gives a poo poo, post some feshes already

bradzilla posted:

Shut the gently caress up about temperature measurements, no one gives a poo poo, post some feshes already

bradzilla posted:

Shut the gently caress up about temperature measurements, no one gives a poo poo, post some feshes already

bradzilla posted:

Shut the gently caress up about temperature measurements, no one gives a poo poo, post some feshes already

bradzilla posted:

purple death ray posted:

Lmao yall actually spent Memorial Day weekend arguing about Celsius vs Fahrenheit

purple death ray posted:

Lmao yall actually spent Memorial Day weekend arguing about Celsius vs Fahrenheit

vortmax posted:

No but you see Rankine sets 0°R to absolute zero like Kelvin but uses the smaller Fahrenheit degree for finer detail therefore

quote:

buddy's wife keeps making passes at me

Jose posted:

You should gently caress her and then tell him and deny loving her when she claims you did

yeah I eat rear end posted:

At this point I'd be happy to see a circumcision or raising kids to be religious derail...anything but this.

SciFiDownBeat posted:

My confession is that I really want to gently caress my friend's girlfriend and I've been trying to scheme a way to break them up.

Incidentally does anyone have any good tips for ruining your friend's relationships without it looking like your fault? Any advice is appreciated

Jose posted:

You should gently caress her and then tell him and deny loving her when she claims you did

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Assuming dude lives in a decently large city or metropolitan area, there are thousands upon thousands of other women to have highly enjoyable sex with that don't involve a friend's wife who drunkenly makes passes at you. Do not bang your friend's wife. If you do it, then you are an unrepentant rear end in a top hat who deserves to be kicked in the junk.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Can you trust the girl to not rat you out? If so, just tell her in confidence that you saw him cheat on her but tell her not mention the reason for breaking up because he'd know the only witness (you) was the one who told her. Just have her tell him it's not working out or some bullshit vague reason and bone her (in private and never tell anyone, otherwise it's going to be obvious who leaked the fake news).

SciFiDownBeat posted:

My other confession is that when I write an email to a co-worker who is driving me crazy, sometimes I'll type out something way over the top and mean, then delete everything and start over with a more respectful tone. So e.g. "you're a complete loving idiot and I can't believe you can't get this through your underdeveloped infantile skull, please do a service both to this company and humanity by throwing yourself off a bridge" becomes "I'm still not sure about that course of action. I think we should do it this way because of a, b and c." It's mostly cathartic but it might also be a sick thrill. Like I could accidentally hit send and possibly get fired.

syscall girl posted:

Also you'll be out one (1) friend and those can be highly valuable

quote:

To answer whoever asked what the pass was, the first time was at a bar after everyone but us had left and she pressed up into me and said she had missed me. The second time we were at their apartment and after my buddy fell asleep she gave me a big hug and said she liked me and then kissed me on my cheek, but got a little bit of the corner of my mouth.

We're all hanging out again tomorrow night and I'm worried she's gonna do something again.

quote:

There’s a story about a "lost" episode of Seinfeld floating around the internet.

The episode was supposed to air around season six, but it was mysteriously cut. The “official” story about the episode was that it featured Elaine purchasing a firearm after being mugged, but many elements about this episode were never revealed until recently. NBC Executives refused to officially report on the episode until the Seinfeld season six DVD commentary. I have the tape but as someone who works within NBC, unfortunately I can’t reveal my sources.

I work at the GE building in Rockefeller Plaza, and I have access to their digital archives. That’s as much as I can divulge. We also have the entire original Seinfeld series in multiple formats, including original reels and VHS tapes. I noticed an episode with the production code “607” was missing from the tape set, and it was relocated in a set of old news reels. The replacement episode “The Mom and Pop Store” was filmed a season later to replace the missing episode. It is oddly titled “The Mason”.

The episode starts out as normal, with Jerry’s apartment, but the camera is much more steady. Jerry walks out as though he’s been drugged and remarks that all of his family and friends have been dying lately. His buzzer rings and it’s George. George runs up, half crying and tells Jerry he’s seen something terrible. He’s mumbling and stuttering for about five minutes until he can form a sentence. There are still pauses for humor, but there is no audience or laugh track. George informs Jerry that planes have crashed into the twin towers due to a terrorist attack on New York.

Jerry turns on the news and you can see modern footage of the 9/11 attacks, all pre-filmed several years beforehand. George says that isn't the worst part: Elaine and Kramer were in the towers at the time of the bombing. What proceeds is a graphic and explicit phone call of screaming and crying and Kramer saying that something terrible has happened, and Elaine is dead. Kramer screams there’s no air in the building, and he’s burning to death, and that he’s going to jump.

The camera cuts to live footage of a man falling from the twin towers. George genuinely looks upset and says, “I’m sorry Larry, but I can’t go through with this,” and he tries to walk off the set, but people stop him and push him towards the stage. He walks out Jerry’s prop window and you can hear him calling his agent. There’s a lot of mumbling, and you can see candles being lit behind the stage.

Jerry goes over to the bookcase and pulls it aside, revealing a ceremonial black table with candles, a dinner plate, and a strange box. There is a Masonic symbol against black cloth just outside where the fake stage window would be. Jerry says some weird things in a foreign dialect, and one cut of the camera shows a poster of Donald Trump (This episode originally aired in 1995). The scene ends with Jerry waking up in bed, as though it’s all a nightmare. Kramer comes in and asks if Jerry has seen a lizard. Jerry laughs and says, “We are the lizards,” and the camera zooms slightly. His eyes become slivered, like almonds.

The tape is only seven minutes long, and what proceeds is just twenty minutes of dead air. If you continue watching to the end, it seems there are three more news reports tacked on. The first is about an outbreak of swine flu, the second about a train bombing, and the third

loquacius posted:

TLDR it's a script outline for a Seinfeld-themed creepypasta