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Fartbox posted:It's complicated because the entire world does not use it or understand it except your country This also works as a great map for countries who have landed people on the moon.
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May 31, 2017 16:20
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bradzilla posted:No but really, let's close this thread for a few days or open a new one so dumb assholes stop talking about temperatures and measurements. Not a bad idea I've never gotten to close a thread because of a derail before, what a fun novelty (also gotta build a fesh backlog back up) brb guys
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May 31, 2017 16:24
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quote:I scheduled a family movie night at the college I worked at and accidentally played hardcore pornography. If this is a mistake you can make you should rearrange the media files on your laptop also lol 45 entire seconds quote:I share a desk with my coworker. He's out this week on vacation and I needed a file he kept on his computer. I texted him and asked if I could log in to his computer to get the file. He said yep, then sent his username and password to me. I'm telling you this part to justify what comes next, since I didn't snoop or sneak into anything. man imagine (a) keeping this stuff and (b) keeping this stuff on your work computer
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Jun 1, 2017 03:55
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welcome back, champ
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Jun 1, 2017 03:58
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That means he's masturbating into a graduated cylinder. Think he has a bunch of different ones for different moods, or just one dedicated JO cylinder?
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Jun 1, 2017 04:04
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filegoon should email him pics of your gaping rear end in a top hat
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Jun 1, 2017 04:06
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loquacius posted:the one time I tried using 4chan at maybe age 16??? I was shown pooping when I was not suspecting it and I never went back cp and pooping webms: what's the difference? we'll have the exclusive report by loquacius at 11
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Jun 1, 2017 04:10
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Solice Kirsk posted:That means he's masturbating into a graduated cylinder. Think he has a bunch of different ones for different moods, or just one dedicated JO cylinder? he stores them like Dexter with his blood slides.
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Jun 1, 2017 04:14
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Mass office email of the JO log
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Jun 1, 2017 05:24
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We Know Catheters posted:Mass office email of the JO log REDUCE ALL THE MEASUREMENTS BY A FEW MILLILITERS!
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Jun 1, 2017 05:26
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Make an entry into the JO log for the day you used his computer.
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Jun 1, 2017 05:30
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The only thing you can do is file him under weirdo and forget about it. Or you could cross-reference his rejection stories with missing women in your area and if you find something, call the cops.
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Jun 1, 2017 07:11
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Step 1: get the files on a USB of your own Step 2: Blackmail him into doing buttstuff for you Step 3: cummies
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Jun 1, 2017 07:13
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delete it so he knows you looked at them but can't say anything
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Jun 1, 2017 07:50
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Well, at least I know my former roommate isn't the only one out there weird enough to keep a JO log. He didn't measure volume though, just who he was thinking about or what porn he was watching, how long it took, and a brief 1-2 sentence summary of the experience (i.e. was he laying down or sitting at his desk, which hand he finished with, etc). He didn't try to hide it though, he'd bust that excel sheet out pretty much any time he was drunk and/or when we had guests over. He used it to brag about how much he loved his fiancee (about 75% of the entries were "thinking of her", which I don't believe at all). Nobody found it interesting or wanted to know more, but that never stopped him.
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Jun 1, 2017 08:08
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please don't touch my work computer thanks
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Jun 1, 2017 11:41
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your roommate brought out excel sheets with detailed masturbation habits to your guests? Did you all go to school in mental asylums
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Jun 1, 2017 12:50
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Password protect those 2 folders on his computer. Never say a word about it.
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Jun 1, 2017 13:07
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just color them bright red
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Jun 1, 2017 13:10
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Fartbox posted:your roommate brought out excel sheets with detailed masturbation habits to your guests? Did you all go to school in mental asylums I'm pretty sure it was an autism thing. He also had a text file recording both his and my own daily activities. One time we got in an argument about whether he told me about some stupid thing or not and he pulled up the log and said "see I told you on (date/time)" and there was a bunch of stuff like "yeah i eat rear end starts watching tv/got home from class/went out for dinner/drank x amount of beers/etc (time) around it.
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Jun 1, 2017 13:15
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I've had some pretty lovely roommates (drug dealers, a murderer, etc), but I don't think any of them were that crazy.
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Jun 1, 2017 13:43
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Convert all the millilitre measurements to fluid ounces. The better way to measure liquids 
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Jun 1, 2017 14:31
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Uh-oh! 
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Jun 1, 2017 14:35
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Police Automaton posted:please don't touch my work computer thanks same, but also my wank computer
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Jun 1, 2017 14:37
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Solice Kirsk posted:I've had some pretty lovely roommates (drug dealers, a murderer, etc), but I don't think any of them were that crazy. Do tell...
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Jun 1, 2017 15:08
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yeah I eat rear end posted:I'm pretty sure it was an autism thing. He also had a text file recording both his and my own daily activities. One time we got in an argument about whether he told me about some stupid thing or not and he pulled up the log and said "see I told you on (date/time)" and there was a bunch of stuff like "yeah i eat rear end starts watching tv/got home from class/went out for dinner/drank x amount of beers/etc (time) around it. Reading this makes me want to leave the proximity of this person in a manner that leaves a body shaped hole in the nearest exterior wall.
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Jun 1, 2017 15:12
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got any sevens posted:Do tell... One of my roommates (well, in all honesty he had just moved out a week or so before) stabbed a guy to death in an alley. Living in a punk squat for several years gets you some really weird (and horrifying) stories. I like to describe it as living in a frat house, but a lot more violent.
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Jun 1, 2017 15:19
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Solice Kirsk posted:One of my roommates (well, in all honesty he had just moved out a week or so before) stabbed a guy to death in an alley. Living in a punk squat for several years gets you some really weird (and horrifying) stories. I like to describe it as living in a frat house, but a lot more violent. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAXtqmanVIQ
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Jun 1, 2017 15:23
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Feminasty Slut posted:Reading this makes me want to leave the proximity of this person in a manner that leaves a body shaped hole in the nearest exterior wall. It sometimes got incredibly annoying, where I'd get up to get another drink and he'd go to his room for a second and add one to the tally. I frequently asked him to at least stop logging me, but he insisted the information might be useful one day and I'd kick myself down the road and wanted to relive our college experience again when we're older. More than a few times I was tempted to just shift+delete it but never had the balls to do it.
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Jun 1, 2017 15:45
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quote:My girlfriend and I go to the gym together after work. quote:I wear my wife's clothes when she's out of the house. Jeans and a blouse, dress and heels, workout clothes, whatever. Including the underwear.
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Jun 1, 2017 19:12
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I can't see what this is since I'm at work, but if it's the movie Suburbia it's not too far off except we were in Chicago. But again, more violent.
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Jun 1, 2017 19:46
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Solice Kirsk posted:I can't see what this is since I'm at work, but if it's the movie Suburbia it's not too far off except we were in Chicago. But again, more violent. It appears to be Portlandia, rather
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Jun 1, 2017 19:47
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syscall girl posted:It appears to be Portlandia, rather Ah, then I have no idea then. MILF goon, ain't nothing wrong with checking out butts at the gym. Just don't be a creepy starring weirdo. I'm sure your girlfriend fantasizes about other guys while you're banging sometimes too. Everyone does it.
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Jun 1, 2017 19:53
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the milf confession is really tame tbh. Should have added something about 9/11.
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Jun 2, 2017 00:24
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quote:Do you remember when Mike Pence said he doesn't spend time alone with other women? And the internet collectively freaked out and said he was backwards and wrong. That one was yet another "a Trump thing which the Internet has noticed is me, and I am oppressed by the tyrannical left" fesh of which we've had roughly a billion so it didn't count quote:A lot of confessions have begun pretty similarly to how this one is, but oh well, here's another. I'm in my early 30's and am a virgin who has never even kissed another girl romantically. I don't want to see a prostitute because I'm scared of the police or my family finding out somehow. It would also be embarrassing to admit to any future girlfriend, as unlikely as that scenario may be. If it helps I'm 100% certain you couldn't have handled a succubus Well, at any rate you've got at the very least a huge anxiety and self-esteem problem, and I would like to refer you to the thread title. It might not get you laid, but it'll help you stop freaking out about it (which in turn might actually help you get laid) while we're on that subject quote:I'm a kissless virgoon in his 30s and I'm ridiculously jealous of therapy goon confessors girlfriend. If a girl would obsess like that over me I'd be the happiest man alive. It sucks to live your life knowing that you're nobody specials someone. I'm disgusting both physically and mentally so it'll never happen for me. yeah uh having a crazy obsessive girlfriend isn't as cool as it sounds
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Jun 2, 2017 02:58
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"No such thing as gays" was a bridge too far over that river, I think
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Jun 2, 2017 03:00
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What's with all these single virgins feeling like they would have to tell a hypothetical future girlfriend they hosed a prostitute? Use protection and you'll probably be fine and get tested before you engage in a sexual relationship with a new partner. If a future partner wants to know your sexual history aside from STI status (which is really all they have a right to know), just say you had a fling but never anything serious.
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Jun 2, 2017 03:11
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Reiterating what loq is saying about crazy girlfriends. Your loneliness makes it seem like any contact would be better than none, but having to deal with unchecked mental illness is a heavy thing to bare and not many people are equipped to handle it. Not to mention you can still feel alone because it's like being around two or three different people depending on her mood. Imagine being angry, frightened, worried, and sad all at once about one person because she's throwing plates and tearing her clothes and crying and screaming all because you didn't call her after work.
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Jun 2, 2017 03:15
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Cap'n Low Effort posted:let's be real - being gay is not a real thing, it's a cultural choice you do to try and be cool. 0/10, Would Not Be Trolled Again. Put some goddamn effort into your fake feshes.
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Jun 2, 2017 03:20
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In the old days we hosed with a ouija board and my cat (black & v fat) became really scared and started pacing around the house worried. One of the candles exploded so we burned the board. I had a recorder on and the audio file was corrupted. No ghosts or demons assaulted my junk. That's my story.
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Jun 2, 2017 04:03
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