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Why did I [20M] cheat on my very attractive SO [19F] with an ugly woman [19F]? 12 points 95 comments submitted 4 years ago by WhyDidICheat to r/relationships Despite pulling the last hair out of my body, I cannot solve the mystery. Clarification: It was a handjob. Me - 20M, SO - 19F, Woman (lets call her ABC) - 19F. I've been dating my SO for about 2.5 Years (broke up once due to a misunderstanding, got back stronger than ever). I believe she's the most genuine person I have known and I find her very attractive (And I do not say this out of guilt). 4 months back: On a bus journey with ABC, who then was just a normal friend I had met about a month back then, made a move, gave me a handjob. What kills me is why I didn't resist then and throw her hand away. I did learn from the incident. About a month back, I rejected a girls' advances despite knowing that nobody would ever find out if I did anything with her. I broke my friendship off with ABC. (And I'm still deliberating over whether I should let my SO know, because 1.She didn't deserve to be put through that 2. Not being able to tell her something is the worst feeling ever). The problem lies in the fact that I degraded the woman I love more than anything else and I cannot figure out why I did it. The guilt kills me. Tl;dr: Cheated on very attractive SO once by not resisting a handjob from an ugly woman. Cannot figure out the reason behind my actions Edit 1: Please feel free to judge the kind of a person I am. Edit 2: I know what I did was wrong. I want to keep the relationship going IF I can keep up with staying faithful for the rest of it. Selfish as that might sound. Edit 3: Conclusion I agree I was wrong and that physical attractiveness played no role. However. what some people need to understand is that WHY physical attractiveness played no role is exactly what I couldn't understand, because to a large extent, I do love how attractive my gf physically is. And that I took an HJ from an ugly girl shows how physical attractiveness didn't matter. Right? I know my gf, and she'd have accepted me despite my mistake, but it wouldn't have remained the same. At the same time, I'm doing what she'd have asked me to do. However, telling her would entail her never having the same trust in me again, which solely comes out of emotions & not logic (despite logically being the person who she wants me to be). It would also scar her & make it hard for her to trust anyone again. So, the net negatives of telling her are more. I did NOT intend on getting it on with ABC. I was in the same but as her simply because we were both going to the same place for different purposes. I did NOT know she was physically attracted to me or that she was horny as gently caress. I completely get your story about "honesty". But honestly, as principally bound as one wants to be, I don't think you can be a 100% with a woman and still keep her happy unless you're perfect. May be, on your scale of morality, not telling her the woman you just jacked off to would be very wrong, but on mine, white lies are alright (after much deliberation). However, I have decided to reduce the possibility of such situations coming up where I'd have to white-lie to her because even though it seems right, it isn't good. I also don't understand how not cheating again & keeping it going healthy is a bad idea in the long run. It was a loving handjob. I'll correct it, not let such things happen again. If I fail, I'll end the relationship with her. But to let one stupid mistake ruin what is worth a lot more doesn't sound beneficial when I do a cost-benefit analysis. I suppose there are two schools of thought here. One that says you tell her, take the heat. The other that says you don't tell her, keep it going, don't do it again. The first one is justified with reasons such as "She deserves to make a call now". And I've told you how I was not the person she loved ONLY while the HJ lasted, as I had never imagined myself cheating on her. However, humans being emotional creatures, that 5 minute thing would cloud her judgement for the rest of my life and the assumption would be based on my behavior for those 5 minutes. The logical school of thought here says that if I am willing to not repeat those 5 minutes again, things would be fine. I go with the second one. Don't downvote me because I'm voicing an honest opinion. I see a lot of people getting angry because they put themselves in the position of the person not getting to know this happened, i.e., my SO. What they fail to see I believe, is how it is beneficial to not be told this if it just happened once and wasn't a very serious affair.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:07
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What she doesn't know won't hurt her
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Jun 2, 2017 21:09
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Bamabalacha posted:Like, not to be gross, but owing to his sometimes wheelchair status, was he hypothetically able to gently caress even if he hid under a truck when you approached him? He's suggested multiple times that he is not well-endowed, including specifically telling me not to look at his penis when he was peeing when we were camping. There's also a guy he knows who told me he has a tiny penis when Hugh was not there, but I do not like this guy and he is clearly an attention whore weirdo who I have no interest in listening to. However, I have managed to work into conversations that penis size is not a big deal, including by mentioning that when I've had sex with women there was no penis but orgasm, so the requisite penis content for fulfilling sex is zero, and therefore every man has enough penis.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:10
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Did this ever strike you as a weird thing to mention apropos of nothing?
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Jun 2, 2017 21:11
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I love how that guy construed the self-serving option as 'logical'.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:11
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fruit on the bottom posted:Did this ever strike you as a weird thing to mention apropos of nothing? He's specifically asked me questions about how I gently caress so that was part of answering questions posited.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:12
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Pick posted:My [22F] boyfriend [26M] of two years wants to move in together. The problem is, I don't want him to see what I look like without makeup on. Man, it must be so unarousing and unappealing to be with a girl who refuses to take all of her clothes off and is scared of the lights on during sex. It's even worse when OP's boyfriend is 99.9% chance very attracted to her body, yet she's still too insecure to be nude around him. Dude definitely wants to see your boobies, legs, thighs, and vagina, girl. Just take it off for him! Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 21:23 on Jun 2, 2017 |
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Jun 2, 2017 21:12
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Pick posted:He's specifically asked me questions about how I gently caress so that was part of answering questions posited. drat, this guy was really shooting out a lot of mixed signals to ya; huh?
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Jun 2, 2017 21:14
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Jim Barris posted:drat, this guy was really shooting out a lot of mixed signals to ya; huh? She obviously answered incorrectly
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Jun 2, 2017 21:14
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Jim Barris posted:I love how that guy construed the self-serving option as 'logical'. She is too ugly to gently caress, therefore I could not have cheated on you with her. Q.E.D.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:14
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Skip 1,000 posts and Pick is still talking about cupcake guy?
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Jun 2, 2017 21:18
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Pick posted:He's specifically asked me questions about how I gently caress so that was part of answering questions posited. Can't stump you, huh?
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Jun 2, 2017 21:19
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Can't Trick the Pick!
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Jun 2, 2017 21:20
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:Can't Trick the Pick! There it is. I came up with "stick" but that made it sound like I was propositioning her.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:21
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Jim Barris posted:I love how that guy construed the self-serving option as 'logical'. "I never before considered that I might end up cheating on her, therefore the person whomst I was acting as when I got a bus-ride handy from that uggo was and is not the same person that I was and am before and after said public transit handjob. Hence, my girlfriend wouldst be remiss to find out about it because I am back to not being able to imagine cheating on her, because obviously I know I won't give in to any potential temptation I will find myself amongst. It is only logical that my girlfriend stay with me and never find out"
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Jun 2, 2017 21:22
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If Pick was a dude i think the whole Hugh thing would go from hilarious to super creepy.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:23
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ranbo das posted:If Pick was a dude i think the whole Hugh thing would go from hilarious to super creepy. Would go?
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Jun 2, 2017 21:24
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ranbo das posted:If Pick was a dude i think the whole Hugh thing would go from hilarious to super creepy. The climax where he finally gifts Pick with a dusty old energy drink he didn't really want will always be funny no matter the gender
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Jun 2, 2017 21:25
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Jim Barris posted:I love how that guy construed the self-serving option as 'logical'. Every broke brained nerd does this. They are obsessed with logic and reason because they think they will always be "right" if they are logical and rational but like every other human being they just do whatever they think will benefit them the most
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Jun 2, 2017 21:27
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purple death ray posted:Every broke brained nerd does this. They are obsessed with logic and reason because they think they will always be "right" if they are logical and rational but like every other human being they just do whatever they think will benefit them the most Logically, all of them should kill themselves because we're all born to die and living is the least efficient way of dying
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Jun 2, 2017 21:36
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purple death ray posted:Every broke brained nerd does this. They are obsessed with logic and reason because they think they will always be "right" if they are logical and rational but like every other human being they just do whatever they think will benefit them the most
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Jun 2, 2017 21:42
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Jim Barris posted:drat, this guy was really shooting out a lot of mixed signals to ya; huh? God, no kidding.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:48
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I miss him terribly. I think I hurt him. 
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Jun 2, 2017 21:55
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Pick posted:I miss him terribly. I think I hurt him.
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Jun 2, 2017 21:57
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I love how much Red Lobster chica self-owned. We've already been over the classy restaurant part...But my favorite is "Im slightly overweight" later contradicted with, "I have triple E boobs"
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Jun 2, 2017 22:03
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Drunk Nerds posted:THAT'S THE ONLY 'TANG HUGH EVER SATURATED this justified every single Pickpost in this thread.
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Jun 2, 2017 22:07
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Pick posted:I miss him terribly. I think I hurt him. From everything you have described about him I don't think you did. More seems that you are blaming yourself for things out of your control. The limits to which we can influence others emotions is the actions that we take and nothing more. How the other person reacts is all on them. So if someone refuses to return affection, either through unwillingness to do so or due to not having the capability, that is on them and no one else.
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Jun 2, 2017 22:12
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Pick posted:I miss him terribly. I think I hurt him. lol if you think he cares enough about you for you to have the power to hurt him
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Jun 2, 2017 22:21
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WoodrowSkillson posted:lol if you think he cares enough about you for you to have the power to hurt him ice cold
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Jun 2, 2017 22:22
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WoodrowSkillson posted:lol if you think he cares enough about you for you to have the power to hurt him xmenyourweaknessisstairs.png
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Jun 2, 2017 22:23
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Jim Barris posted:Some people are married to their misery, that isn't something you should blame yourself for. You gave it your best Pick but you can't wring blood from a stone.
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Jun 2, 2017 22:25
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Drunk Nerds posted:I love how much Red Lobster chica self-owned. We've already been over the classy restaurant part...But my favorite is "Im slightly overweight" later contradicted with, "I have triple E boobs" 
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Jun 2, 2017 22:32
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My boyfriend [27] is having a meltdown over the fact that I [F/27] have cut back on houseworkquote:This is a mess, so my apologies upfront if this gets too long. About three months ago I made the move to Boston without having a job lined up to be with my long-term boyfriend. While I was job-hunting I spent a lot of my time in our apartment just sitting around all day. Personally, if I was in a dual income household I'd be like "hey, I don't really like doing housework, *you* don't like doing housework, how about we split the cost of a maid, but I'm sane.
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Jun 2, 2017 22:41
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WoodrowSkillson posted:lol if you think he cares enough about you for you to have the power to hurt him But was that recent picture of him, him laughing on the inside? Or just on the outside where I could rarely if ever make him laugh or smile?
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Jun 2, 2017 22:48
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I think the only time I ever made him genuinely happy is when I left a quesadilla on his porch and texted him "quesadilla on porch" and he texted back "thanks" and then when he actually got home and saw it was restaurant-quality and not just some taco time quesadilla texted again "thank you !!"
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Jun 2, 2017 22:52
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dude are you sure he wasn't a cat tho
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Jun 2, 2017 22:55
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Pick posted:I think the only time I ever made him genuinely happy is when I left a quesadilla on his porch and texted him "quesadilla on porch" and he texted back "thanks" and then when he actually got home and saw it was restaurant-quality and not just some taco time quesadilla texted again "thank you !!" What would he have done if you made him come to the door and greet you to get the quesadilla?
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Jun 2, 2017 22:55
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My personal theory is that he thought pick was a literal demon or witch and was trying to steal his seed for nefarious reasons that would leave him dead. Since trucks are made of iron it would be great protection against such a foe, and denying her gifts would only be natural if he thought they would be poisoned or enchanted. Did you ever notice salt lines drawn on his porch? Or maybe a copy of the Malleus Maleficarum on his bookshelf?
dudeness fucked around with this message at 23:04 on Jun 2, 2017 |
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Jun 2, 2017 22:59
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Cat Army
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Pick posted:But was that recent picture of him, him laughing on the inside? Or just on the outside where I could rarely if ever make him laugh or smile? He was happy out with his mom and not being weirdly aggressively pressured by someone he is not into who wouldn't take no for an answer. Stop stalking him. Edit I'm not trying to like be mean or get a "Pick Own" but if you flip the genders it becomes a pretty familiar sounding story and even a bit scary
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Jun 2, 2017 23:03
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maskenfreiheit posted:My boyfriend [27] is having a meltdown over the fact that I [F/27] have cut back on housework Split the cost? poo poo my wife works from home and I pay for a maid because gently caress cleaning bathrooms.
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Jun 2, 2017 23:03
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