Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Baronjutter posted:

lol you don't get married to someone you're incompatible with.

no. you dont.

:smithfrog:

# ? Jun 2, 2017 23:10

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# ? May 11, 2024 19:33

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

purple death ray posted:

We came really close a couple years ago but backed off. I don't think we would file jointly anyway. I imagine we probably will eventually, when we're older and stuff like that becomes a bigger issue. Haven't had any problems with hospitals and stuff so far, probably because we're a straight couple. We stopped correcting people who call us husband and wife a long time ago.

lol depending on the state you might be married already

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States

# ? Jun 2, 2017 23:10

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Baronjutter posted:

lol you don't get married to someone you're incompatible with.

Such a simple concept that so many people fail miserably at.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 00:35

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

limp_cheese posted:

Such a simple concept that so many people fail miserably at.

People can also change a lot over several decades.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 00:50

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I'm a professional photographer. I make a nice living and mostly do weddings. I'm also a foot fetishist.

One thing I ask the bridal party to do at every wedding is take their shoes off and line up to show off their painted toenails - since 99% of the time girls paint their nails for a wedding. Everybody loves it and usually just goes "Oh so cute!"

I save all these photos and jack off to them later.

quote:

This is my favorite thread and I've been reading its many iterations.

From 2005-2014 I worked at the Bettis Atomic Power Laboratory outside of Pittsburgh, which works on designing nuclear engines for the US Navy. When I first started we were working on Project Prometheus - working on nuclear powered engines for long-distance space travel. This is real you can look it up. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Prometheus

That project was cancelled and all funding pulled within 3 months of me starting work. Officially, at least. Unofficially, 4 of us continued working on the project and were in contact with a guy named Dr. Herman Brodnick at NASA. I've looked this guy up since this, he doesn't seem to exist. So fake name, I'm guessing.

Anyway, we kept working on this project and kept getting paid, so nobody really asked questions. The next few months were boring, then in August of 2006 we were invited to Washington DC to meet with a representative from NASA (not Dr. Brodnick) and a member of the US Department of Agriculture.

The Agriculture representative was very interested in our progress and kept asking how feasible it was to have long distance space travel in our lifetime. She was involved in that meeting because there was a lot of interest in the engine in shipping massive amounts of seeds, soil, etc for astronauts.

But as the meeting went on she started creeping me out majorly. She spoke less about shipping crops and more about big a ship we could power and how many people could fit in the ship. She started talking about shipping embryos and asked if there was any issue with radiation. We answered as honestly as could, that this was still too basic to say, and she got really angry.

We went out for dinner that night. It was pleasant enough except our Agriculture rep continued to push us on at timeline and how long the engine would last. A coworker eventually got really angry and told her to just relax and enjoy dinner, and the rep told us she was glad somebody could relax but she was focused on getting results. Awkwardness followed and the dinner was basically ruined.

When we got back to work 2 days later we were told that the project was finished, that our work was appreciated but the budget had truly run out. And that was that. Fast forward to 2010. I'm still working there and while walking the hallway, I see the Agriculture Rep walking the hallway. I still recognized her so I grabbed her attention and asked what she was doing there. She started at me like I had 3 heads, said she didn't remember me. I talked about the meeting and she said she didn't work the Agriculture department, that she was here to meet with the senior manager about some remodeling work in the offices. That she was an interior designer. I apologized and said she must have a twin out there, then went back to work.

I don't know to explain it. This was absolutely the woman, I'm 100% sure. Because I had written down her name during the first meeting. I've since looked her up on facebook and, although the name is the Agriculture rep we met, the profile that comes up is the interior designer I met. And looking back over photos, she's been an interior designer since the late 90s. Married with 4 kids. No chance of secretly working for the US Government. I would share her name here but I honestly believe she's totally innocent here.

I don't know who we actually met in DC. I've never heard another thing about our engine design, and with all the cuts to NASA in recent years it doesn't seem like it's a priority for them. I'm sure the work is sitting around somewhere. This is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me.

My take: your budget was paid for years out of the life savings of an interior designer with a space travel fetish

# ? Jun 3, 2017 02:11

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

Chester posted:

I'm a professional photographer. I make a nice living and mostly do weddings. I'm also a foot fetishist.

Probably true, this pops up on Reddit every so often.

EDIT: Anyway, the women don't mind so I guess this is harmless, it's not like you're photographing deaf girls in the restroom.

Gynovore fucked around with this message at 02:33 on Jun 3, 2017

# ? Jun 3, 2017 02:31

Jailbrekr: Apr 8, 2002; A TOWN LEVELED BY AN EXPLOSION? DOZENS LIKELY KILLED? OH GOD LET ME SEE THAT SWEET VIDEO OH MY GOD I'M CUMMING

loquacius posted:

My take: your budget was paid for years out of the life savings of an interior designer with a space travel fetish

Or we just read Interstellar fan fiction.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 05:33

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

loquacius posted:

My take: your budget was paid for years out of the life savings of an interior designer with a space travel fetish

People with high level clearances can sometimes have fake jobs, but it's usually bullshit like "analyst" or :airquote:

cultural attach� :airquote:

Also that confession is fake and most of the info can be gleaned from the Pittsburgh entry on Wikipedia + having an overactive imagination

# ? Jun 3, 2017 05:42

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

It doesn't make a lot of sense from a science perspective. Any time spent on a project that has no funding that (probably) wasn't resulting in publications would be a complete waste and a detriment to their future in the field, since they'd have to neglect the projects that actually do have funding.

Plus her questions aren't even that exciting/weird, and the radiation question seems too basic to ask - radiation shielding on spacecraft is already something that is always considered. It would be stupid to ask if a ship potentially shipping humans or "embryos" would have radiation shielding or not, because of course it would. I don't buy the ultra-deep-cover government agent story you're trying to sell either - given how bad goons are at facial recognition, I think you just made a mistake and made up the "i wrote down her name and it's the same" story to have something to fall back on if someone brought up the possibility.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 05:54

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I don't buy the ultra-deep-cover government agent story you're trying to sell either - given how bad goons are at facial recognition, I think you just made a mistake and made up the "i wrote down her name and it's the same" story to have something to fall back on if someone brought up the possibility.

Considering none of the people involved are real I don't think facial recognition matters.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 06:26

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Atlas Hugged posted:

Considering none of the people involved are real I don't think facial recognition matters.

Considering he didn't claim to be contacted by an alien (or be an alien himself) it's among the more credible sounding space-related confessions.

But yeah you're probably right.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 06:33

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

I wanna believe

# ? Jun 3, 2017 07:15

Marmaduke!: May 19, 2009; Why would it do that!?

That was probably the first fesh I've read where I've come away thinking I wished the author had come up with some mysterious hook as if fizzled out halfway through. But then if they had I would have rolled my eyes at it anyway. I just can't get no satisfaction!

# ? Jun 3, 2017 11:12

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

Marmaduke! posted:

That was probably the first fesh I've read where I've come away thinking I wished the author had come up with some mysterious hook as if fizzled out halfway through. But then if they had I would have rolled my eyes at it anyway. I just can't get no satisfaction!

The brilliant thing is that you actually could get away with posting a completely true secret government project confession because no one would ever believe it.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 11:16

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

plot twist- NASA wants to fly to other planets to photograph the feet of the alien ladies

# ? Jun 3, 2017 11:20

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Police Automaton posted:

plot twist- NASA wants to fly to other planets to photograph the feet of the alien ladies

Oh they absolutely do!

# ? Jun 3, 2017 14:59

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I've been lying to my parents about college. Two years ago, at 18, I was accepted into a college with a good reputation, fell into a bad crowd, lost motivation etc. etc. I ended up not attending my classes two semesters in a row and was informed that I wouldn't be welcomed back. Over the summer I told my parents that I didn't want to go back to school because I wanted to discover my passions and didn't know what I was doing, omitting the part about squandering a year of tuition.

I've been going to a local community college on their dime and told them that I had applied to transfer to a local university. That was also a lie. For one, that school has a policy not to accept applicants who had been academically suspended from other institutions. Secondly, I don't have enough credits to apply as a transfer. I'm gearing up next year to go to another institution (for real this time), but in the meantime am thinking of ways to send a fake rejection letter from the school I had pretended to apply to. What a tangled web we weave.

ok that's not the best lie to use here

Tell them you got a phone call from their admissions department saying you don't have enough credits to apply as a transfer, aw shucks must have missed those rules while applying, oh well I'll try again next year

Then by the time next year rolls around you've decided you like this other place much better and are just gonna apply there instead. Bing bang boom.

quote:

I just had a weird moment of clarity where I realized that conflict is the only form of social interaction I feel comfortable with. Not really a big or interesting confession, but it's loving me up right now and surprise surprise the guy who cant not argue doesnt have anyone he trusts enough to talk to about this so you nerds get to read it.

Thread title, replace "gently caress" with "fight"

# ? Jun 3, 2017 15:21

The Mighty Moltres: Dec 21, 2012; Come! We must fly!

Baronjutter posted:

lol you don't get married to someone you're incompatible with.

I'm married to a succubus I summoned.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 19:09

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

yo rear end is grass posted:

I'm married to a succubus I summoned.

Never make a succubus a house wife.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 19:13

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The thing about the succubus confession that bothers me is you wouldn't really actually be having sex, it's more of a mental thing if you actually pretend they are real things. You aren't physically inserting your dick into anything. You'd still be a virgin except now you have some ghost thing that makes you get boners sucking your soul away or whatever. Seems easier to just call a hooker, no candles or cutting yourself is required to summon one.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 19:24

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

Wait for the VR revolution IMHO

# ? Jun 3, 2017 19:38

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Just buy a fleshlight.

# ? Jun 3, 2017 19:38

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

i fcuck uhhly girls
�

# ? Jun 3, 2017 20:50

Hedrigall: Mar 27, 2008; by vyelkin

yeah I eat rear end posted:

The thing about the succubus confession that bothers me is you wouldn't really actually be having sex, it's more of a mental thing if you actually pretend they are real things. You aren't physically inserting your dick into anything. You'd still be a virgin except now you have some ghost thing that makes you get boners sucking your soul away or whatever. Seems easier to just call a hooker, no candles or cutting yourself is required to summon one.

Actually I think you'll find all women are succubi :colbert:

# ? Jun 3, 2017 23:20

Arrhythmia: Jul 22, 2011

yeah I eat rear end posted:

The thing about the succubus confession that bothers me is you wouldn't really actually be having sex, it's more of a mental thing if you actually pretend they are real things. You aren't physically inserting your dick into anything. You'd still be a virgin except now you have some ghost thing that makes you get boners sucking your soul away or whatever. Seems easier to just call a hooker, no candles or cutting yourself is required to summon one.

Demons are actually very real, and sexy

# ? Jun 3, 2017 23:29

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

just gently caress the therapist, free therapy and the sex whats not to like

be careful if the therapist is also a succubi though, that never ends well

# ? Jun 4, 2017 00:45

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

i came across my therapist on okcupid once

(no i didn't message her)

# ? Jun 4, 2017 01:08

alpaca diseases: May 19, 2009

is it cheating if you're just loving a succubus you've summoned?

# ? Jun 4, 2017 04:51

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

maskenfreiheit posted:

i came across my therapist on okcupid once

(no i didn't message her)

everyone has a therapist these days I feel I am missing out. Police Automaton is gonna get himself a therapist!

alpaca diseases posted:

is it cheating if you're just loving a succubus you've summoned?

Yes it is, but you cheat on god. Just like when you have unclean thoughts about that hottie at work or vote democrat.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 13:39

Three-Phase: Aug 5, 2006; by zen death robot

Hedrigall posted:

Actually I think you'll find all women are succubi

LGTOW

# ? Jun 4, 2017 13:54

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Police Automaton posted:

everyone has a therapist these days I feel I am missing out. Police Automaton is gonna get himself a therapist!

Yes it is, but you cheat on god. Just like when you have unclean thoughts about that hottie at work or vote democrat.

I tried therapy once, going to my insurance's actual hq, yet they still charged me 200 bucks. Lol f that

# ? Jun 4, 2017 15:40

alpaca diseases: May 19, 2009

Police Automaton posted:

Yes it is, but you cheat on god. Just like when you have unclean thoughts about that hottie at work or vote democrat.

heh, good thing God doesn't exist :smug:

just like my girlfriend

# ? Jun 4, 2017 17:02

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

loquacius posted:

Thread title, replace "gently caress" with "fight"

This type of behavior is perfect for a psychologist or psychiatrist to treat. You basically just need to be upfront about it when you first go and if they're worth it, they'll do a formalized form of therapy which should help boatloads.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 17:21

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Went to wedding, am super hungover, here's feshes

quote:

I was almost a virgoon too, didnt get laid between college and my early 30's. Honestly, I feel better mentally for getting laid again, but I was so awkward that the sex was crap, like I'd rather just j/o. It was really just having some companionship that was the best part.
So just get out there, join some clubs or meetup.com some activity outside, act naturally like yourself, dont be self conscious unless you're stepping way over the line, and eventually you'll find some peeps who like hanging out with you. Don't act like you think people want, you'll feel weird and people still won't like you. Just find something actually fun you can focus on. People like hanging out with people who are having fun.

Oh, and if you still want to get laid, escorts are legal in Reno/vegas...

quote:

I dont know if i can feel love anymore. I think I used to love my family growing up, but it's been so long I can't really remember, but when coworkers tell me they'll miss me when I quit, or when nieces or my mom or sister hug me, I just feel slightly awkward and say thanks, I don't feel love for them.
Yet I did want to die when my dog died a couple years ago.
Am i broken permanently?

# ? Jun 4, 2017 19:57

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

Escorts are NOT legal in Vegas. It's legal in some Nevada counties, but that boils down to 'ranches' where 90 year old men pay $5000 to lie down for an hour next to dead-eyed twentysomethings.

To all virgoons out there; sex is not some magic thing that changes your life. This sun isn't brighter the next day, the air isn't sweeter, you don't get mailed an membership card to the sex-havers club which gives you 10% off at Arby's. Life goes on just as it always does; that is, poorly.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 20:48

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

Gynovore posted:

Escorts are NOT legal in Vegas. It's legal in some Nevada counties, but that boils down to 'ranches' where 90 year old men pay $5000 to lie down for an hour next to dead-eyed twentysomethings.

To all virgoons out there; sex is not some magic thing that changes your life. This sun isn't brighter the next day, the air isn't sweeter, you don't get mailed an membership card to the sex-havers club which gives you 10% off at Arby's. Life goes on just as it always does; that is, poorly.

Lol, you must suck at sex if you didn't get a membership card

# ? Jun 4, 2017 20:53

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Virgoons. Keep trying. I'll try not to get all philosophical here, but if you don't keep trying that poo poo is never going to happen.
I was with my ex for almost 9 years, we split and I was sad. Since I hadn't gotten any trim for like 1000 years before we got together I was worried that I'd remain celibate for pretty much the rest of my life after that. But I kept at it. Become a regular at a restaurant with pretty waitresses. Talk to them, be friendly with them. Just the fact that you're getting out there and keeping socialized will increase your chances. Don't expect that they'll jump in to bed with you, because you sit in their section all the time and leave a good tip, but you never know, they might find your neckbeard to be attractive.
Even if they don't, talking to pretty girls, even if they're just asking you if you want baked or mashed potatoes as your side can help. A lot. The more outgoing ones will engage in a bit of small talk and that helps too.
Barring that, join a club, sports league, gym whatever. The chances of someone walking up to you in the grocery store and giving you their number/asking for yours is pretty slim. Sitting in your house, hovel, squalor-den, rape dungeon isn't going to do poo poo either.

Also, take care of your appearance. You don't need designer clothes, expensive cologne or any of that poo poo but a clean and tidy appearance helps. Clean under your fingernails, brush your teeth, make sure your hair is not sticking out everywhere. Take a trip to the barber shop and try a different hairstyle.

While you're at it, clean up your house/hovel/squalor-den/rape dungeon.
If you do manage to meet a girl (or guy) and bring them home, they'll probably run for the hills if they walk in to your place and see the pile of empty cheetos bags, mountain dew bottles, cum vases and taint boil residue everywhere.

wesleywillis fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Jun 4, 2017

# ? Jun 4, 2017 21:09