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 Round 1, Fight 1  Well, this is awkward is on the left side of the arena. Muffin (Spermy Smurf) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, iron greaves, bronze gauntlets, and iron high boots. Grace (iLonie) is a female gremlin. She wields a steel large dagger and wears a leather cap, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Spermy Smurf delenda est (goatface) is a male dark gnome. He wields an adamantine large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears no armor. The Regular Crowd is on the right side of the arena. J. Corbzy (Frozen_Flame) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields a silver whip and a platinum whip and wears steel gauntlets. 2 Dark Gnomes in a StranglMech (AJ_Impy) is a male strangler. He wields an iron scourge and a wooden shield and wears no armor. Another one of Heygal's Guys (Splode) is a male human. He wields a steel pike and wears no armor.  The Regular Crowd is a 1.18 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 2000.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1701.00 dwarfbucks for Well, this is awkward. I suspect this fight is going to go one way or the other in a hurry. So far as I see it, Guys is the only one likely to make a dent in Muffin, and Guys is a naked glass cannon. Of course, I have been very wrong before. The fighters come together. The first few blows are utterly boring. No instant victories today.  Awkward decide to take a flanking strategy. Grace is left to face all three foes, while her two teammates circle around. Grace is, technically, the only injured fighter so far, because she's taken a bruise.  ...They've switched sides. Each team is on the other side of the arena now. Finally, first blood is drawn. Blue splashes across the arena, because trolls don't bleed red. Guys has taken my analysis to heart, and Muffin has one arm mutilated in new and exciting ways never before seen in the arena. 2 Dark Gnomes follows up, ganging up on the one dark gnome Spermy Smurf. Spermy Smurf has his pectorals shredded, and begins choking. Well, while one Spermy Smurf suffers, the one who owes fealty to Spermy Smurf decides to fight back. Muffin grabs one of Guys' fingers, but the pike goes straight through his lower body as he tries to come up with a follow-up move. He still completes it, though, yanking down hard and throwing the human to the ground.  Muffin is in bad shape, and his teammates are stunned by charges. He takes another stab. He grabs a different finger. Guys stands up. Muffin grabs a toe. Corbzy and 2 Dark Gnomes suddenly double-team Grace. 2 Dark Gnomes turns Grace's right arm into raw hamburger. Corbzy swings her platinum whip and splatters the gremlin's brains. First kill of the tournament.  This is a dark day for Awkward. They literally haven't hurt their foes yet. The Regular Crowd take a moment to soliloquy about death while Guys toys with the huge troll, attempting an uppercut that doesn't really hurt the bigger foe. Corbzy reaches Muffin and puts the lie to my thoughts. Her whip breaks even a troll's skull with one swing, through bronze. Guys stabs Muffin through the thigh. His armored greaves fall away, smashed. All Muffin can do in response is a low sweep that knocks the human down again. Spermy Smurf gamely attempts to fight on, attacking 2 Dark Gnomes. Muffin is probably a lost cause by this point, though. He absorbs more abuse, and puke and blood and other horrible bodily fluids leak from way more places than is healthy.  He is a mess.  The deadly duo set up again, leaving Guys and Muffin behind. 2 Dark Gnomes lands a scourge swing. Spermy Smurf loses his dagger, and with it any hope of victory.  Odd dodging separates the fighters.  Muffin is a wreck.  Missing, because it literally won't fit into the screenshot, is the fact that Muffin's teeth and tusk are gone, bouncing all over the arena and beyond. Guys changes tacks and begins chasing Spermy Smurf. Behind them, Muffin finally gives into pain. Moments later, Spermy Smurf has his intestines ripped out by Guys' pike. Muffin throws up more in his pain coma.Spermy Smurf is skewered by the ferocious steel pike.  Oh my god. What possible crimes could justify doing that to a troll? It won't even fit on the screen! Spermy Smurf, not willing to stand up to near as much abuse, faints away with a much smaller but still cruel injury list. Guys beheads the pathetic gnome. That leaves Muffin. There will be no miraculous comeback.  Blood, teeth, tusks, unidentifiable gore, and all-too-recognizable body parts festoon the arena floor. And, for that matter, the ceiling: Muffin's teeth bounced off the top Z-level, too. The torture goes on and on. Muffin tenaciously clings to life in the face of unimaginable horror. Eventually, he bleeds to death, looking more like the aftermath of a high school dissection lab than a proud warrior. Well, this is awkward loses without ever even hurting their foes. Kills Another one of Heygal's Guys: 2 J. Corbzy: 1 Combat Log Once they clear the winners circle, The Regular Crowd can just head straight through the second door on the left and face a war crimes trial.
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Jun 5, 2017 06:54
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| # ? May 11, 2024 05:20 |
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MUFFINS! GET YOUR HOT, FRESH MUFFINS!
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Jun 5, 2017 07:03
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ZeeToo posted:Well, this is awkward loses without ever even hurting their foes.
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Jun 5, 2017 08:04
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I approve of how ludicrously tanky trolls are now.
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Jun 5, 2017 08:06
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quote:2 Dark Gnomes in a StranglMech (Regular Crowd) bites Muffin (Awkward) in the left eye, tearing the left eyelid's skin!   jon joe posted:MUFFINS! GET YOUR HOT, FRESH MUFFINS! Apparently so.
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Jun 5, 2017 09:00
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 E: Fixed my dumb link. Frozen_flame fucked around with this message at 14:40 on Jun 5, 2017 |
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Jun 5, 2017 11:22
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I thought I was going to regenerate to full health near the end, stand up and start hulk smashing. Next time, Muffin. Next time. Edit: wait, we lost to a team with a whip? God you guys suck.
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Jun 5, 2017 11:26
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TWO whips.
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Jun 5, 2017 11:27
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Synthbuttrange posted:TWO whips. A whip and a scourge.
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Jun 5, 2017 13:51
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Synthbuttrange posted:TWO whips. And a Scourge. You lost to a team that was two thirds small, multi-armed lashers.
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Jun 5, 2017 13:55
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Nobody tell him whips get a penalty to being wielded with something else.
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Jun 5, 2017 14:18
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jon joe posted:Nobody tell him whips get a penalty to being wielded with something else. Wait really?
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Jun 5, 2017 14:41
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I just looked and maybe our team should have put some points into skill. It appears its maybe important.
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Jun 5, 2017 14:41
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jon joe posted:Could I convince you to a different build? Sorry, read this too late. I only got in after midnight, so I updated the fighter and went to bed.
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Jun 5, 2017 14:41
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Frozen_flame posted:Wait really? Yep! There's a special tag for it, increases the delay on the weapon. Spermy Smurf posted:I just looked and maybe our team should have put some points into skill. It appears its maybe important. To say this is accurate is to make an understatement. Afriscipio posted:Sorry, read this too late. I only got in after midnight, so I updated the fighter and went to bed. Don't apologize; I'd prefer you cackled madly and started asking "u mad?" We are, after all, 4chan circa 2006.
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Jun 5, 2017 15:31
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I don't know whether to be competent and swap a whip for a shield or buy more whips and get drunk
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Jun 5, 2017 15:44
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Jun 5, 2017 15:45
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ZeeToo posted:A whip and a scourge. So that's, like, a dozen whips altogether.
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Jun 5, 2017 15:57
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 edit: Get it, because of a cat-o-nine tails
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Jun 5, 2017 16:05
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Round 1, Fight 4 The Kool-Aid Men is on the left side of the arena. Hoofvs McKenzie (Galick) is a male minotaur. He wields a silver maul and wears a copper helm and a copper breast plate. Brutalist Architect (Ramc) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron battleaxe and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Dig Dug (Bad Munki) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper pick and wears no armor. Insecurities Council is on the right side of the arena. The Official UN Observer (Tunicate) is a male human. He wields a copper pike and wears an iron cap and an iron mail shirt. Starlight Dancer (I R SMART LIKE ROCK) is a female elf. She wields an iron pike and wears an iron helm, three iron mail shirts, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Gnot Me (Gnoman) is a male dark gnome. He wields a bronze short sword and wears a bronze helm.  Insecurities Council is a 1.01 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 2333.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2300.00 dwarfbucks for The Kool-Aid Men.  We all know the real story of this fight. Can Starlight Dancer even loving move in 3 iron mail shirts? I will talk about this and barely anything else for the next little while, so strap in everyone.  Turns out Starlight is still faster than her small teammate Gnot Me. The fighters clash, UN Observer lands a punch on Hoofy's hoof, but the minotaur responds by splattering the humans right forearm across the arena.  No problem for Insecurities Council though. Gnot Me arrives and slashes one of Dig Dugs feet off, sending the moleman to the floor. Well, maybe it is a problem for the Insecurities Council  quote:Hoofys McKenzie punches Official UN Observer in the head with his right hand, but the attack is deflected by Official UN Observer's iron cap! So that's a thing now. The force of the blow snaps the humans head back, and severs important bits in the spine.  Starlight and Gnot Me double team the poor Dig Dug who loses two more feet, and gets the last one chopped and fractured. UN Observer up top is a punching bag from this point forward.  Dig Dug gets a blow in with his pick and Gnot Me's right forearm is cut to the bone.  Starlight Dancer dances her way to help her paralyzed teammate. Hoofy never sees her coming and his right femur is shattered. The minotaur falls to the floor, but manages to shatter the elfs knee on his way down. The two combatants lie on the floor and exchange blows. Starlight absorbs another blow to the foot in exchange for piercing Hoofy's guts.  To the north and south a pair of downed gladiators are being mutilated in eerily similar fashion.  Dig Dug bleeds out first and Gnot Me moves to help Starlight against the puking Hoofy.  Hoofy holds on, absorbing a bunch of devastating wounds, until Brutalist finally finishes off The UN Observer. It's technically 2v2 still.  Well not anymore. Starlight removes a hand, then stabs through a copper helmet, skull, and finally into the brain beneath. Hoofy is no more. It's 2v1, but Starlight Dancer is pretty immobile. Brutalist is tired, so we'll see if he over-exerts himself like a big fat dummy.  Starlight Dancer has a thigh chopped in half, a calf almost severed, and an arm hanging by a thread. This enrages the nearly-dead elf. Gnot Me forgets he has a sword in his hand and instead slaps ineffectively at the dwarf mutilating his teammate.  Brutalist Architect punches Starlight with the pommel of his axe, and the force snaps the elfs neck in the same manner as The UN Observer. quote:Starlight Dancer: I have improved my fighting. That was very satisfying! A few minutes of pussyfooting around later Starlight bleeds out. Gnot Me slaps with the flat of his sword and knocks Brutalists teeth out. Brutalist responds with the sharp edge of his axe and embeds the weapon in the dark gnomes arm. Gnot Me gasps in pain. Bad idea to pause for a minute against this dwarf.  Brutalist gives the small gladiator the same treatment his teammates got.  And once someone is paralyzed it's basically splitting wood out there on the floor. Just chop till it stops moving. The Kool-Aid Men win with a very close 3-2 victory. Kills: Brutalist Architect: 3 Starlight Dancer: 1 Gnot Me: 1 Combat Log 
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Jun 5, 2017 16:09
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I'm loving the sheer brutality of this new version. Soon, Armok will arrive and bless us all with more blood!
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Jun 5, 2017 16:17
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Huh. Well, I hit someone, and distracted someone long enough for a teammate to carry us to victory. I call it a resounding success!
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Jun 5, 2017 16:18
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that helmet held up like daffy's disintegration proof vest
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Jun 5, 2017 16:33
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Tiler Kiwi posted:that helmet held up like daffy's disintegration proof vest This factored in to the decision not to wear armor this tourney.
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Jun 5, 2017 17:24
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This whole neck snapping thing may become our Achilles' Heel. On the flip side it may also mean matches should be shorter overall and thus more blood for the blood god
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Jun 5, 2017 17:29
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Holy poo poo my team won a match. I think this is the first time this has ever happened. And his name is HOOFVS MCKENZIE. Respect his minotaur heritage, you racist bastard!
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Jun 5, 2017 18:50
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My gladiator did exactly what I wanted him to. Just stood there and watched.
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Jun 5, 2017 19:12
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Galick posted:Holy poo poo my team won a match. I think this is the first time this has ever happened. Welcome to having me on your team B|
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Jun 5, 2017 20:27
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Galick posted:And his name is HOOFVS MCKENZIE. Respect his minotaur heritage, you racist bastard! I didn't even notice that. Regardless: I was going to name him Hoofy because I can actually type that and Hoofv is weird to type.
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Jun 5, 2017 20:41
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I think my plan worked perfectly tbqh
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Jun 5, 2017 21:44
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Round 1, Fight 2  4chan circa 2006 is on the left side of the arena. Tao of Trolling (jon joe) is a male troll. He is bare-handed and wears no armor. :troll: (Jazzimus Prime) is a male troll. He wields an iron pike and wears an iron helm, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. White Eye (Afriscipio) is a female troll. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper cap and an oaken shield. TINY TITANS is on the right side of the arena. OH NO (dmboogie) is a male gremlin. He wields a steel whip and wears no armor. PETER GRIFFIN (Verbal Enema) is a male gremlin. He wields a silver whip and wears a leather cap and a copper mail shirt. Squeakin (grobbendonk) is a male dark gnome. He wields an iron whip and wears a copper helm, an iron breastplate, iron gauntlets, iron greaves, and iron high boots. 4chan circa 2006 is a 1.31 to 1 favorite with 2820.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2152.00 dwarfbucks for TINY TITANS. Here we have another match of trolls versus tiny creatures with whips. Two of these trolls have weapons this time, so we'll see if they fare any better.   PETER GRIFFIN charges ahead of the pack to meet 4chan in their own territory. He forces Tao and :troll: back but gets blindsided by White Eye and her axe knocks out a spray of teeth. This opening allows :troll: to pin OH NO down with a nasty pike through the liver.  White Eye, lost or possibly upset, sends :troll: to the floor. After that her and Squeakin pair off, the gnome aiming for her legs while his armor wards off her axe. The combatants wheel around for a few second until Tao charges back into the fight, putting a second hole through OH NO with only his right tusk.  The wound goes all the way through to the spine. PETER GRIFFIN draws his attention, leaving :troll: to finish off OH NO. :troll: is evidently mad at this and rushes at Tao to force him to finish the job. Tao pins OH NO to the ground, laughing off one last weak lash before mashing the gremlin's brains with his left tusk.   PETER GRIFFIN tries to capitalize on Tao's distraction, a whip blow cracking the troll's skull. This slows the great beast and causes him to flail, knocking over :troll: in a stupor. Revenge is swift as Tao takes off PETER's arm with his murderous tusks. :troll:, having been won over to more direct methods, drives a tusk into PETER's other arm, leaving him helpless on the floor. Even White Eye takes the hint and manages to injure Squeakin with her claws, doing more damage then her axe had been. Tao wanders the middle of the ring in a daze as his compatriots finish their work. :troll: works PETER over more with his face-weapons before cutting clean through the neck with the tip of his pike. White Eye does enough damage to Squeakin to break his elbow, forcing him to drop his whip into a pool of the blood of three species.   This serves to send the dark gnome into a feral state. A ferocious flurry forces White Eye to retreat, and Squeakin even manages to shatter the kneecap of an advancing :troll:. This only enrages the beast.  A tired Tao pins the gnome to the floor as the iron pike rams though the small creature over and over until Squeakin bleeds out. Tao of Trolling has a fractured skull, :troll: has two broken legs, and White Eye has a broken spine, but they all survive and kept their feet. 4chan circa 2006 wins a painful 3-0 victory! Tao of Trolling: 1 :troll: : 2 Combat log  The lesson: trolls are wonderful bare-handed fighters as long as they don't wrestle. Added Space fucked around with this message at 05:01 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 03:55
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Ah darn
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Jun 6, 2017 04:02
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The best part is I actually have missing top left teeth irl
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Jun 6, 2017 04:04
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Of course it's the 4chan team that has taken to infighting.
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Jun 6, 2017 05:00
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I kept sending TINY TITANS teams into the ring. Team #5 managed to suffocate :troll: through accumulated lung damage, and both the other trolls passed out in exhaustion after killing only one member of Team #6. It still took over a dozen blows to the head while unconscious each to finish them off.
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Jun 6, 2017 05:55
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rip tiny guys (in half)
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Jun 6, 2017 06:01
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Added Space posted:I kept sending TINY TITANS teams into the ring. Consecutively?
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Jun 6, 2017 06:15
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jon joe posted:Consecutively? Yeeep. The trolls didn't noticeably heal over the course of the fights, but they kept going after injuries that would cause other races to pass out from pain or be paralyzed.
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Jun 6, 2017 06:19
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Added Space posted:Yeeep. The trolls didn't noticeably heal over the course of the fights, but they kept going after injuries that would cause other races to pass out from pain or be paralyzed. Yeah I'm not sure recuperation even affects injury heal rate. I had a troll sit in the arena with various injuries for weeks and didn't get any better.
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Jun 6, 2017 06:21
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| # ? May 11, 2024 05:20 |
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ZeeToo posted:
You can actually see Troll regeneration in action here. The left eye which 2 Dark Gnomes in a StranglMech bit goes from 'Mangled beyond all recognition' to merely 'bruised'.
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Jun 6, 2017 08:26
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