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I always got told that it was the day the Church was founded. Before it was just a bunch of dudes and ladies running with the J man, now it's a couple of people full with the Holy Spirit, having all the faculties (owning wizards in magic battles, commanding snakes, not being drunk at 9am) you need for a successful ecclesiastical start up.
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Jun 5, 2017 21:56
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WerrWaaa posted:How was everyone's Pentecost? My church was closed because some cunts did a terrorism outside. http://cathedral.southwark.anglican.org/
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Jun 5, 2017 22:09
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WerrWaaa posted:How was everyone's Pentecost? I'm pretty sure the Holy Spirit was on the Earth yesterday. I don't have to say I'm 100% sure because I have ~laity privilege~
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Jun 5, 2017 23:54
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System Metternich posted:I always got told that it was the day the Church was founded. Silly contrivance. Jesus started the church? The spirit? Paul? An Important Day to be sure.
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Jun 6, 2017 01:24
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Worthleast posted:But Gregorian Chant doesn't have a beat Byzantine feels like it does even if it doesn't.
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Jun 6, 2017 01:57
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Does anyone here know the historical roots of the custom of glossolalia in North American charismatic traditions? Wikipedia lists several early examples from various protestant traditions including Quakerism and Huguenots. It's not clear however when or within what tradition it first began to become common. Wikipedia describes it as already in common practice within some communities as early as the 1830s, however Pentecostal theological justifications are only developed at the end of the 19th century as that faith develops, rather than drawing on preexisting traditions. I"m curious how it came to assume such a prominent role within Pentecostalism.
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Jun 6, 2017 03:51
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I can't do much for modern Pentecostals, but Fitzmeyer's commentary on Acts claims that Paul's glossolalia is akin to what modern Pentecostals practice. He notes Cicero On Divinity, and says it's essentially the same sort of ecstatic speech. Luke's foreign tongues in Acts, xenolalia, is a unique miracle.
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Jun 6, 2017 04:06
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WerrWaaa posted:Silly contrivance. Jesus started the church? The spirit? Paul? An Important Day to be sure. Well, it marks the day the apostles stopped looking back to their days with Jesus and starting looking forward to their own roles in the new church organization building around them. They took charge of their own (and the church's) destinies that day. They made it their own problem to deal with. They graduated from Disciples to Apostles. The all got pretty nice level up bonuses, too. Most of them got their attributes rerolled to amazing specs. Peter became like a 19 Constitution with a 17 Dexterity and Strength. He still had an issue with intelligence, but he made up for it with another big charisma score.
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Jun 6, 2017 04:35
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Josef bugman posted:I mean I am just wondering if a fight ever breaks out mid liturgy. This sometimes happens between denominations in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, it's kind of a thing, there.
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Jun 6, 2017 05:35
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I was present at one of them, on Orthodox Easter - too many Russians wanted to get into the church. There was nothing malicious about it, but with their sheer number, if they'd all been allowed to the center of the place, they would have blocked out the space needed for the other masses. This was apparently not unusual, since the cops were set up on the inside from the beginning, trying to hold people back until a babushka laid hands upon one of the policemen... from there, it went about as well as you would expect.
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Jun 6, 2017 05:41
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Deteriorata posted:Well, it marks the day the apostles stopped looking back to their days with Jesus and starting looking forward to their own roles in the new church organization building around them. I know for sure that Int is the stat that determines bonus languages. (These jokes write themselves! God foresaw d&d, obvs.)
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Jun 6, 2017 06:03
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I'd also be willing to argue (though not with conviction) that Pentecost is entirely concerned with Jewish renewal. Paul started the church, in so much as it became an entity distinct from the local synagogue. Twelve disciples (reconstituted in Acts 1) preaching the the twelve tribes (diaspora Jew's in town for the Festival of Weeks) is the thrust if Pentecost in A2.
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Jun 6, 2017 06:07
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The text of Acts 2 is somewhat unclear, even in the Greek, but isn't it implied that not all of the audience that gathers are Jewish? Some certainly are not - god-fearers, probably, but when you get to the list of the nations at the end, it seems like there are gentiles in the crowd as well, which seems apt - festival or no, not everyone in town can safely be assumed to be Jewish.
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Jun 6, 2017 06:35
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OwlFancier posted:Byzantine feels like it does even if it doesn't.
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Jun 6, 2017 08:14
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Thirteen Orphans posted:This sometimes happens between denominations in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, it's kind of a thing, there. Some dudes who didn't know what they were doing went into a church in El Salvador and shot the bishop in the middle of Mass. Probably not the kind of fight Josef was looking for, but the killers certainly had a gripe with the message the bishop was saying.
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Jun 6, 2017 08:14
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Thirteen Orphans posted:This sometimes happens between denominations in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, it's kind of a thing, there. my israeli friend told me that he has friends who sneak into the brawl every year--they have a natural sympathy with the underdog because they're jewish, so they pretend to be members of the smallest Orthodox group on the scene, which is the Armenians. Then they take part in the fighting.
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Jun 6, 2017 08:16
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Caufman posted:Some dudes who didn't know what they were doing went into a church in El Salvador and shot the bishop in the middle of Mass. Probably not the kind of fight Josef was looking for, but the killers certainly had a gripe with the message the bishop was saying. Okay what was he preaching in this case? Because I am fairly sure that Hamlet points out why doing that is not a good thing for your own soul.
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Jun 6, 2017 08:51
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The assassinated bishop was Oscar Romero. As is common of holy people in his country at that time, Bishop Romero preached from the lectern and beyond that social justice is critical and that death squads are a bad choice. This was at a time when El Salvador had a lot of very understandable unrest caused by dangerously unequal human lives, and it was escalating because the state was actively killing people.
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Jun 6, 2017 09:54
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HEY GAIL posted:sometimes? the brawl over the Holy Fire is so traditional they issue tickets Yeah, I made a post in the previous thread about the "Status Quo" for the church and that it's literally built into the rules that if you don't fight for your stuff you lose it.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:21
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I just was told that last year the president of the Macedonian parliament visited Rome and gave Francis a brand new pearl-embroidered tiara. It makes me so glad that this tradition still continues  
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Jun 6, 2017 21:00
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System Metternich posted:I just was told that last year the president of the Macedonian parliament visited Rome and gave Francis a brand new pearl-embroidered tiara. It makes me so glad that this tradition still continues I'm not sure Pope Francis looks so glad that it still continues! It'd be great to see him in the tiara though... maybe presiding at the throne at an Extraordinary Form Mass... 
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Jun 7, 2017 01:57
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System Metternich posted:I just was told that last year the president of the Macedonian parliament visited Rome and gave Francis a brand new pearl-embroidered tiara. It makes me so glad that this tradition still continues He has the look of a parent trying not to look disappointed at the extravagance of a gift when all they asked for was a handwritten birthday card.
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Jun 7, 2017 16:35
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A priest was out fishing with a farmer when the priest reeled in a huge fish. The Farmer shouted, "Wow, that's one huge Sonofabitch." The priest looks a little disturbed and says, "Please sir, I'm a man of the cloth, if you would watch your language" to which the farmer replies, "It's okay, that's the name of the fish. The fish is called a Sonofabitch." The priest is pretty excited about this, basically getting away with cursing so he takes the fish back to the church and asks one of the Nuns, "The pope is coming for a visit tomorrow and I want you to cook this Sonofabitch for him." The Sister looks aghast at the priest and says, "Father, please, your language!" To which the Priest says, "It's okay, that's the name of the fish. It's called a Sonofabitch." The nun giggles and takes the fish away and prepares it. The next day the pope arrives and after the meal says, "That was an amazing meal." The priest says proudly, "I caught that Sonofabitch." Not to be outdone the Nun says, "Well I cooked that Sonofabitch!" The pope looks around for a moment and then says, "Y'know...you fuckers are alright."
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Jun 7, 2017 23:20
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That is my second favorite clergy joke. Here is my first favorite. A medieval pope wanted to kick all the Jews out of Rome. The Jewish community chose their cleverest rabbi to petition their case. The pope agreed to have a public debate on the matter. The rabbi insisted that only body language could be used, so that neither side has an advantage in language. The pope agreed to that, too. On the day of the debate, the Christians and Jews gathered in the square to watch the pope and the rabbi. At first, neither one of them did anything. Then the pope raised three fingers in the air. The rabbi frowned and shook his head and held up one finger. The pope responded by waving his hand in circles above his head. The rabbi angrily stamped his foot and pointed to the ground. Then the pope produced a loaf of bread and a jar of wine. The rabbi waited a while, then he produced an apple. The pope was stunned. Finally he said, "I relent. This man is holier than I am. The Jews must stay." The Jews erupted in cheers, and the Christians looked kind of glum. On the way back to his palace, a confused priest asked the pope, "What happened? We all saw, but we don't understand." The pope answered, "At the start I wanted to assert my superior knowledge of God. I told him of the three persons of God, the father, son, and holy spirit. He replied that the Jews were the first to realize there was only one true God. Flustered, I reminded him that God is all around us, so wherever the Jews go, they'll be with God. The rabbi wasn't going to let that stand. He scolded me and said that God was also right here, in Rome, looking over us both. I retreated to the eucharist, showing him how the body and blood of Jesus has freed us Christians of our sins. But the rabbi showed me an apple, and the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil that first damned us all. Then I realized he was closer to God than I, and I had to surrender." The priest finally understood, and became closer to God, too. Back at the Jewish neighborhood, the happy Jews were celebrating. A young child asked the rabbi what happened. The rabbi grinned, "That pope! What a blunderer. First he told me that we Jews had three days to leave the city. I straightened my back and told him not one of us were leaving. Then he threatened to round us all up. I told him we were staying right here! And then...." The rabbi started to trail off. The child asked, "Well? Well??" The rabbi looked a little confused, too. "I'm not quite sure. The pope took out his snack, so I took out mine."
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Jun 7, 2017 23:38
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Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Pope and a hippie rode a plane to a charity function, when suddenly the motors give out. The pilot storms in, saying "I don't know how to say this, but we're crashing - there are only four parachutes, and I don't want to die here. Sorry!", grabs a chute and leaps out the emergency door. The four passengers look at each other, and resolves to talk it out. "I'm a beloved sports star, and I give hope to disenfranchised kids around the world" says Michael Jordan. "I should have parachute, so I can keep up the good fight." The others agree, and Jordan gets a satchel and leaps out of the door. "I'm the smartest man in the world", says Bill Gates. "I have so much to help the world with, that it won't figure out for itself. I should have one." The others are intimidated, and grudgingly agree. Gates takes a satchel and disembarks. "I have had a long life in service to God, my child" says the pope to the hippie. "You should take a satchel and leave." "Don't worry, father", says the hippie, "The worlds smartest man just jumped out of the plane wearing my book bag." Not strictly a clergy joke, but it always gets a laugh 
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Jun 8, 2017 12:25
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Two nuns are driving down a dark country lane when suddenly Dracula leaps out of the bushes. The driver says to the passenger, "Quick, sister, show him your cross!" The passenger leans out and shouts, "Get out of the loving road!"
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Jun 8, 2017 12:33
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Tias posted:Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Pope and a hippie rode a plane to a charity function, when suddenly the motors give out. The pilot storms in, saying "I don't know how to say this, but we're crashing - there are only four parachutes, and I don't want to die here. Sorry!", grabs a chute and leaps out the emergency door. Ah heh heh heh heh. This is how together we will throw the oppressor class out the airplane. HopperUK posted:Two nuns are driving down a dark country lane when suddenly Dracula leaps out of the bushes. Bahahahahah. Keep these coming if you got em.
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Jun 8, 2017 12:44
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A Franciscan and a Jesuit were talking together when they were approached by a pious layman. He asked each of them "Father, how many novenas must I say to get a Ferrari?" The Franciscan replied "My son, what's a Ferrari?" The Jesuit replied "My son, what's a novena?"
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Jun 8, 2017 13:10
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The pope, the patriarch, and the caliph all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?" And the clergymen say, "No, we're the aristocrats!"
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Jun 8, 2017 13:52
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I dunno how well my favourite "religious" joke works in English, normally I only tell it in a thick Bavarian (i.e. Catholic, for the purpose of this joke) accent. Let's see how it goes. It's late in the night when young Max comes home. Quietly he opens the door to his family's farmstead, and he tries to make his way to his room as stealthily as possibly, when suddenly the lights go on and terrified Max finds himself face to face with his father. He is visibly livid, but in a calm voice he says: "Okay Max, you tell me right now why you come home as late as this, and it better be a drat good reason, or you and I are going to have a really bad time." Max, trembling, stutters out: "You know, Pa... you know how I was at this party tonight?" His father gives an affirmative grunt. "And I wanted to come home in time, I really wanted to... but you know, I got to know somebody there, and I already had had plenty of beer by then, and one thing led to another, and... oh Pa, please don't be mad, but I lost my virginity tonight and that's why I came home late!" Max's father is quiet for some time, until he suddenly bellows out a loud, hearty laugh. "Well now, my son, that's as good a reason as it gets! Come on, there's still some beer in the fridge, we gotta celebrate that!" And he leads Max into the kitchen, gets out two bottles and sits down with his extremely relieved son. "But now I'm curious, with whom did you... But no, wait, I wanna guess! It was Kreszenz, that sweet thing from the neighbouring village, right? You two are great together!" Max turns beet red, nervously tugs his collar and says: "No, Pa... It wasn't Kreszenz." His father laughs. "Oh well, next try! Was it Josefine, the miller's daughter? I always thought that she was interested in you!" Silently, Max answers: "No, father, it wasn't Josefine either... Look, Pa, I want to be honest with you. It was Alois, the teacher's son. I lost my virginity to him." For a long second his father just stares at him, when he suddenly jumps up and - WHAM! - slaps his son right across the face, and WHAM!, again, and he screams in utter rage: ARE YOU loving MAD!? YOU KNOW FULLY WELL THAT HE'S A LUTHERAN!!! vvv I did? Damnit vvv System Metternich fucked around with this message at 19:35 on Jun 8, 2017 |
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Jun 8, 2017 15:55
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You had already told this before in the thread, I'm sure!
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Jun 8, 2017 19:15
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JcDent posted:You had already told this before in the thread, I'm sure! yes, in the last thread, starts here: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3554109&pagenumber=423&perpage=40#post461601199 but it's still a drat good one
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Jun 8, 2017 19:53
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alois isn't enough, you need the dad and son to be Leopold and Ferdinand and the son's boyfriend to be Frederick Wilhelm or something max was a solid choice tho
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Jun 8, 2017 20:19
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HEY GAIL posted:alois isn't enough, you need the dad and son to be Leopold and Ferdinand and the son's boyfriend to be Frederick Wilhelm or something Oh no, my mom's Bavarian protestant friend is named Friedrich and I just now connected the dots.
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Jun 8, 2017 21:09
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HEY GAIL posted:alois isn't enough, you need the dad and son to be Leopold and Ferdinand and the son's boyfriend to be Frederick Wilhelm or something lol, I didn't put that much thought into the names, but I will next time before I tell it again  I found out that the book where I originally found this joke in is on Google Books, lemme translate a couple of others: Three priests who went to seminary together meet each other for the first time after many years. They soon start boasting about their parishes. "My church", says the first, "is so big that the altar boys have to drive around the altar on their bikes!" - Says the second: "That's nice, but in my church the holy water is given out by the firefighters with their hose!". Concludes the third: "You've got it good! What do you think how annoying it is to have a church as big as mine? My sacristan has been swimming in the sanctuary lamp for eight days and hasn't even found the wick yet!" A Capuchin asks a Jesuit: "Say, do you know if you're allowed to smoke while praying the hours?" - "I think so, but let's ask our superiors to be sure." So they ask their superiors. After three days the two meet again. "What did your superior say, is smoking allowed?", asks the Jesuit. "No, it isn't" says the Capuchin sadly. "What about you?" - "Yes, I'm allowed to!" answers the Jesuit. "But I don't get why it's OK for me but not for you. What did you ask the Father Prior?" - "Well, I asked if I'm allowed to smoke while praying the hours, obviously!" - "There we've got it, you simply asked wrong!", exclaims the Jesuit. Wonders the Capuchin: "Why, what did you say?" Answers the Jesuit: "I asked if was allowed to pray the hours while smoking!" Little Fritz stands in front of the church after rosary and waits for his friend to come so they can play football for a bit. While he waits, he swings his rosary around his finger. Suddenly Mother Superior from the nearby hospital comes over and scolds him: "But Fritzl, you mustn't play with the rosary like this! Look, every single bead is the Infant Jesus!" Fritzl stops playing around with the rosary - until the nun has scurried off. Then he starts swinging again: "Let's go, lads!"
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Jun 8, 2017 21:10
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Hey random historical question: I once heard the claim that the shape of the monstrance as a stylized sun was a deliberate rebuke to Louis XIV (the 'Sun King') and his (ultimately successful) attempts to increase state control over the Church. I really want this to be true but I can't find any sources talking about this, anyone know more?
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Jun 8, 2017 21:31
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StashAugustine posted:Hey random historical question: I once heard the claim that the shape of the monstrance as a stylized sun was a deliberate rebuke to Louis XIV (the 'Sun King') and his (ultimately successful) attempts to increase state control over the Church. I really want this to be true but I can't find any sources talking about this, anyone know more? I'm looking at P. Joseph Braun's SJ Das Christliche Altargerät in seinem Sein und in seiner Entwicklung (p. 392-393), which is an insanely detailed overview for anything that comes even close to being used during Mass, and it says that no sun monstrances are known before the second half of the 17th century and that we cannot say with any certainty where it first came up. He also speculates that it might have derived from a late medieval tradition of depicting the name of Jesus as surrounded by rays of light, which had become pretty widespread by the 17th century. This is all he has to say on the subject, though, and I cannot find any other source too. So, uh... maybe?
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Jun 8, 2017 22:09
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System Metternich posted:A Capuchin asks a Jesuit: "Say, do you know if you're allowed to smoke while praying the hours?" - "I think so, but let's ask our superiors to be sure." lol
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Jun 8, 2017 23:14
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System Metternich posted:I'm looking at P. Joseph Braun's SJ Das Christliche Altargerät in seinem Sein und in seiner Entwicklung (p. 392-393), which is an insanely detailed overview for anything that comes even close to being used during Mass, and it says that no sun monstrances are known before the second half of the 17th century and that we cannot say with any certainty where it first came up. He also speculates that it might have derived from a late medieval tradition of depicting the name of Jesus as surrounded by rays of light, which had become pretty widespread by the 17th century. This is all he has to say on the subject, though, and I cannot find any other source too. So, uh... maybe? Oh there were definitely sun monstrances before Le Roi Soleil, they just weren't particularly common. Most ostentoria used the tower-type configuration. Toledo still has that giant one that they use during Corpus Christi in the tower shape.  Possibly stretching it but that one is mid 15th century.  And this one is late 16th and definitely has the sun motif in addition to whatever Baroque horror is going on there. Not sure that the popularization of the sun-styled monstrance was a reaction to Louis XIV, but they certainly became the norm along about the time.
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Jun 10, 2017 21:59
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Love that lamb in the monstrance there. If there's one thing that I wish I could see more of among the Orthodox that I hang out with, it'd be more of a focus on agnus dei as a symbol of faith, and less on Byzantine empire Eagle clutching stuff in its claws.
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Jun 11, 2017 01:16
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