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There's safety in redundancy; get a weekend horse and a daily rider.
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Jun 6, 2017 19:58
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Higgy posted:Take out a Horse Equinty Line of Credit and call the horse tow truck duh.
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Jun 6, 2017 19:58
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Forget bad with money, this dude is apparently great with money for managing to mostly keep it from this significant other for so long: My boyfriend [M30] has been lying to me [F30] about his income for YEARS. quote:I [F30] met my boyfriend [M30] about 4 years ago. He had an okay job doing IT type work for a security company and was trying to start up an online business on the side. Then about 2 years ago, he came home from work one day saying he'd been laid off. He told me his online business could 'keep him afloat' while he looked for another job. I don't subscribe to r/frugal or anything, but this woman is laying some serious expectations onto her significant other. "He didn't want to go 50/50 on these things that clearly only I want!" Jesus. Hoodwinker fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 20:00
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I could imagine a horse business getting a credit like secured by business assets. I think that would make it both a horse and a truck equity line.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:03
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The comments... Jesus. If your finances are separate, they're separate.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:05
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Hoodwinker posted:Forget bad with money, this dude is apparently great with money for managing to mostly keep it from this significant other for so long: I'd be interested to see if the dude is actually hoarding cash or if there's another habit he's hiding. Good on him if he's actually saving (not so good for being weird and hiding his goals from his SO) but something tells me that's not the case. Higgy fucked around with this message at 20:08 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 20:05
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He could be dumping more of it back into the business, or just have expenses and she read something incorrectly.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:06
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Solice Kirsk posted:Maybe he should get a horse. You jest, but horses are a big thing along the front range. I mean, 
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Jun 6, 2017 20:08
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Hoodwinker posted:Forget bad with money, this dude is apparently great with money for managing to mostly keep it from this significant other for so long: It's OK to be extremely frugal if you are open about it with your SO and can work out how it's going to work for you both. But this guy was sponging off his girlfriend for groceries while making plenty to cover his fair share. They don't sound at all compatible.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:09
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Higgy posted:I'd be interested to see if the dude is actually hoarding cash or if there's another habit he's hiding. Good on him if he's actually saving (not so good for being weird and hiding his goals from his SO) but something tells me that's not the case. No Butt Stuff posted:He could be dumping more of it back into the business, or just have expenses and she read something incorrectly. BarbarianElephant posted:It's OK to be extremely frugal if you are open about it with your SO and can work out how it's going to work for you both. But this guy was sponging off his girlfriend for groceries while making plenty to cover his fair share. They don't sound at all compatible.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:09
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One of the comments scolding her says, "I have no idea what my wife makes, but I would be happy to find out she made 300k!" I find that weirder than her insistence that it is "fair" for them to go "50/50" on a new car for her.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:10
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Hoodwinker posted:Forget bad with money, this dude is apparently great with money for managing to mostly keep it from this significant other for so long: WTF, no. Cohabitating people in a relationship are supposed to be on the same team about money. This kind of dishonesty is toxic. And people who are r/frugal type crazies categorize a lot of "needs" as "wants." Have you seriously never had anyone in your life who just refused to ever spend money on anything, ever? It's a pretty effective way of communicating that they think the people in their lives are worthless. Always have conversations about money, reach agreements about what kind of spending patterns you want to have, categorize shared necessities money and personal discretionary money, be adults about things. But marking literally every single expenditure on happiness or social bonding as "frivolous" is a good way of telling people you don't care about anything but money. Hoodwinker posted:I mean, maybe, but this is the BWM thread so I feel like we're a little primed for that. From her tone I could imagine a not-very-assertive IT-type dude preferring to just keep his finances a secret so he doesn't get bulldozed by a demanding SO. That is such a weird sexist assumption. He wouldn't even shell out for grocery money dude. Hoodwinker posted:The way she presented it, it sounded like she wanted him to pay for something that he didn't want to pay for. The thing about frugality obsessives is they invariably discover they don't feel a need to pay for anything they can get someone else to pay for. Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:One of the comments scolding her says, "I have no idea what my wife makes, but I would be happy to find out she made 300k!" She didn't say "for her," she said "a new one." Replacing two unreliable old cars with one reliable new one can be very GWM. Jesus christ guys, was this thread crossposted on redpill or something? A woman disagreeing with a man isn't automatically in the wrong. Tiny Brontosaurus fucked around with this message at 20:15 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 20:10
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I'm torn on that one. On one hand, thinking that a 10 year old car is too old when you are both making very little money is BWM, wanting to go on trips when you make very little money is BWM, buying a house like that is BWM, but saying you make less than 1/10th of what you do to your significant other is T(errible)WL.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:16
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Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:One of the comments scolding her says, "I have no idea what my wife makes, but I would be happy to find out she made 300k!" 22 Eargesplitten posted:I'm torn on that one. On one hand, thinking that a 10 year old car is too old when you are both making very little money is BWM, wanting to go on trips when you make very little money is BWM, buying a house like that is BWM, but saying you make less than 1/10th of what you do to your significant other is T(errible)WL. 
Hoodwinker fucked around with this message at 20:21 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 20:16
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That reddit post is way too low on details to make fun of it or have deep thoughts on those people's relationships. I mean, just alone the argument about a grocery bill could have been all kind of things from "He only wants to eat spaghetti with instant sauce bought in bulk and vitamin pills!" to "He does not want to purchase this <whatever a fancy, overpriced meat of the day is> and the chakra-cured asparagus water!" 
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Jun 6, 2017 20:17
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22 Eargesplitten posted:I'm torn on that one. On one hand, thinking that a 10 year old car is too old when you are both making very little money is BWM, wanting to go on trips when you make very little money is BWM, buying a house like that is BWM, but saying you make less than 1/10th of what you do to your significant other is T(errible)WL. This makes me sad. They're 30. A normal middle-class lifestyle with a home and the occasional vacation isn't supposed to be unattainable, certainly not such a ludicrous thing that we're scolding someone for even thinking of it. There's also a thing that's pretty common with people who make very little money and don't have any hope of ever making more - you're never going to be rich so why not enjoy life once in a while? It's so, so easy to judge, but honestly what are poor people supposed to do? The money saved from never having a moment of happiness will never amount to enough to lift them out of poverty. Not really talking about this couple so much as the general attitude about what's "BWM" for low-income people. Budgeting can make a middle-class life better, but it can't make poverty not poverty.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:22
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:WTF, no. Cohabitating people in a relationship are supposed to be on the same team about money. This kind of dishonesty is toxic. And people who are r/frugal type crazies categorize a lot of "needs" as "wants." Have you seriously never had anyone in your life who just refused to ever spend money on anything, ever? It's a pretty effective way of communicating that they think the people in their lives are worthless. Always have conversations about money, reach agreements about what kind of spending patterns you want to have, categorize shared necessities money and personal discretionary money, be adults about things. But marking literally every single expenditure on happiness or social bonding as "frivolous" is a good way of telling people you don't care about anything but money. She explicitly says in the comments that they have always split the bills 50/50 (including the grocery bill) and that she was upset that he didn't want to go 50/50 on a house or car and didn't go on vacations. He didn't want to replace his car and she wanted to go 50/50 on a replacement for hers that they would use together. I was just commenting on the weirdness of the commenter scolding her about relationship finances and then saying "I don't even know what my wife makes!" because that is weirder to me than her wanting to spend more money.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:24
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Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:She explicitly says in the comments that they have always split the bills 50/50 (including the grocery bill) and that she was upset that he didn't want to go 50/50 on a house or car and didn't go on vacations. But if two people in a relationship make unequal amounts of money, 50/50 isn't a fair split. It should go by percentages, so the lower-income person isn't giving up nearly all their earnings to keep up. Lying to her like this took money out of her pocket, money it might have been a hardship to spend. Doing it 50/50 can also cause resentment on the higher-earner's side, because they feel held back by always having to make things fit the lower-earner's budget. Again relationships are supposed to be a team, not a transaction. I hope they break up, because he treated her like poo poo. She's not a bad or greedy person for being upset.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:29
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I think its pretty reasonable to be nuclear pissed about finding out your cohabiting SO hasn't been straightforward with you about income to the point where you're assumption is off by a factor of 10. Discussing finances with your partner is GWL because you can find out if you have different goals and expectations in a way that isn't "I ran across documents when cleaning".
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Jun 6, 2017 20:30
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From the reddit comments:quote:EDIT: OK, so I was going into this with the understanding that the OP said "let's go on vacation" or "let's buy a new car" and her boyfriend was responding with "that's a waste of money, I don't want to spend my money on that". Which is OK, though a little cheap. But in the comments elsewhere, it came out that OP invited the boyfriend to go on a family vacation and the boyfriend said "I can't afford it", and that's where we cross some lines. Getting out of family obligations by pretending he doesn't have money he totally does have is world-class lovely
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Jun 6, 2017 20:34
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:But if two people in a relationship make unequal amounts of money, 50/50 isn't a fair split. It should go by percentages, so the lower-income person isn't giving up nearly all their earnings to keep up. Lying to her like this took money out of her pocket, money it might have been a hardship to spend. Doing it 50/50 can also cause resentment on the higher-earner's side, because they feel held back by always having to make things fit the lower-earner's budget. A percentage isn't a fair split if you are both getting the same utility from something and already agreed to separate finances. I agree the dude is dumb for not being upfront and they are both bad for never having an actual conversation about finances, but you can't just say "50/50 isn't fair. It should go by percentages." She says in the comments that she makes good money and can afford to pay for all of her own vacations (and that she goes on several vacations a year) but that she is upset that he didn't want to go on vacations with her family because he "couldn't afford" to do so. Also, if she is pushing to buy a house together before they are even married, then it is probably good that they never broached that subject. She should be mad about him not being upfront about the reasons for not wanting to go on vacation (but honestly, is it fair to expect him to be excited to vacation with her mom and spend money to do so?) but saying "we should have had a house and gone 50/50 on a new car" is the biggest problem is wrong. Leon Trotsky 2012 fucked around with this message at 20:40 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 20:37
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I like how we're all making assumptions from our own points of view given the limited amount of information we have and will probably have a nasty argument soon. e: gonna be like a christmas vacation with the in-laws.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:39
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Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:A percentage isn't a fair split if you are both getting the same utility from something and already agreed to separate finances. I can and I did, because life isn't beep-boop numbers on a spreadsheet, it's life. They aren't getting the same "utility" from their earnings if one person is devoting nearly all of it to necessities that are a rounding error to the other person. He fuckin' lied, dude. She's well within her rights to be angry that he lied to her, and you're all but calling her a money-grubbing whore for it. Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:She should be mad about him not being upfront about the reasons for not wanting to go on vacation (but honestly, is it fair to expect him to be excited to vacation with her mom and spend money to do so?) but saying "we should have had a house and gone 50/50 on a new car" is the biggest problem is wrong. He wasn't being "not upfront with her," he lied. Pretend you don't imagine every woman as a screeching harpy for a second and assess the situation again. Imagine it's two gay dudes if that helps. Tiny Brontosaurus fucked around with this message at 20:43 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 20:40
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:This makes me sad. They're 30. A normal middle-class lifestyle with a home and the occasional vacation isn't supposed to be unattainable, certainly not such a ludicrous thing that we're scolding someone for even thinking of it. Oh, I'm totally on board with what they should be able to have, but that doesn't mean it's not BWM to get what you should have but can't afford. I think everyone my age that I know would love a new car, but they keep driving their 14-18 year old cars because that's what they can afford. The car thing is what stands out to me the most, I don't know why. The house should stand out more, but it bugs me that 10+ years old is considered so horribly old that it absolutely needs replacing. Also the idea that only eating out 1-2 times a month is unbearable. My in-laws must be making at least 125,000 but they still only go out once or twice a month. And believe me, my mother-in-law's cooking is the unbearable part  .They really should try to save up for a weekend away or something, but everyone knows saving can be hard. Goddamn the not talking about myself thing is hard. Family is okay, right?
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Jun 6, 2017 20:40
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:I can and I did, because life isn't beep-boop numbers on a spreadsheet, it's life. They aren't getting the same "utility" from their earnings if one person is devoting nearly all of it to necessities that are a rounding error to the other person. They explicitly say that this is not the case in the comments. She says the biggest problem is the lack of a house, vacation with parents, and new car. She should be mad at him for lying about not wanting to vacation with her parents (maybe) but she says that the missed financial opportunities are the biggest problem.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:43
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I think 50/50 is fair if that's what they agreed upon, especially since they are not married and don't have merged finances. The rest of it is a little wierd and he shouldn't be lying about being hard up. I don't know why people share finances if they aren't married or why they get married if they won't share finances.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:43
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therobit posted:I think 50/50 is fair if that's what they agreed upon, especially since they are not married and don't have merged finances. The rest of it is a little wierd and he shouldn't be lying about being hard up. Marriage is a weird institution that people find very different utility in.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:44
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Regardless of anything else the dude lied to his SO about how much money he makes (by an order of magnitude, no less) and at least for me that would be a 100% "go gently caress yourself, we're done."
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Jun 6, 2017 20:44
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22 Eargesplitten posted:Oh, I'm totally on board with what they should be able to have, but that doesn't mean it's not BWM to get what you should have but can't afford. I think everyone my age that I know would love a new car, but they keep driving their 14-18 year old cars because that's what they can afford. Dude car life changes wildly by make/model and geography. If she's got an american car in a city that salts the roads a lot, 10 years may be pretty close to junkyard time. And she didn't say "unbearable," again, quit translating everything she writes into Screeching Harpy just because she's female. She says she takes her own vacations and pays for them so clearly she knows how to save, quit being such a prick. All of you quit being pricks, jfc. This sexism is repulsive and completely uncalled for.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:45
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There were guys in my National Guard unit who were also full time that would tell their SOs that they didn't get paid for drill, and would just use that money to go gently caress around or go drinking. Actually, they're both divorced now sooooo
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Jun 6, 2017 20:46
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Yeah, who cares if he's cheap, dude's a liar. There's the problem.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:47
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Out of professional interest re: the tax forms she found. Would that 227k figure be based on accrual accounting or on cash accounting? Or does the US tax system not stipulate how a taxpayer has to calculate profit?
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Jun 6, 2017 20:47
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Randler posted:Out of professional interest re: the tax forms she found. Would that 227k figure be based on accrual accounting or on cash accounting? Or does the US tax system not stipulate how a taxpayer has to calculate profit?
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Jun 6, 2017 20:48
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About the splitting expenses thing, there are a lot of potential ways to decide on splitting income, but in this situation the agreement was made based on misinformation. 50/50 is a fair split if both people agree to it and are knowledgeable about the other's income situation, but hiding your income from your partner and coming to that agreement is unfair. Having separate finances fine but you aren't separate if you're sharing expenses. Failing to be upfront with your partner about this is bad.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:48
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SCA Enthusiast posted:About the splitting expenses thing, there are a lot of potential ways to decide on splitting income, but in this situation the agreement was made based on misinformation. 50/50 is a fair split if both people agree to it and are knowledgeable about the other's income situation, but hiding your income from your partner and coming to that agreement is unfair. Yeah, "fair" was determined based on a lie. If I say "let's split the rent 50/50" that's "fair" until you find out the rent is much lower than I told you it was.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:49
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canyoneer posted:Yeah, who cares if he's cheap, dude's a liar. There's the problem. She also says in the comments that "he never actually lied" about his income and that the only time he said he "couldn't afford it" was the vacation with his mom. They just both refused to talk about finances at all and she is mad because they could have talked about buying a house, but she assumed that it wasn't something worth breaching. She is upset at his cheapness/frugality and not the actual lying. That is the bad part. She was explicitly okay with the arrangement until she found his bill. The dude is lovely, but she is mad about the wrong things. They aren't married, they agreed to split finances, and they have been dating and he has had this business for less than two years. Tiny Brontosaurus posted:Yeah, "fair" was determined based on a lie. If I say "let's split the rent 50/50" that's "fair" until you find out the rent is much lower than I told you it was. They agreed to split it 50/50 before he got laid off from his main job. Dude is still lovely, but he has had this level of income for about a year and she is mad about the financial aspect of the mom vacation rather than the root issue. Leon Trotsky 2012 fucked around with this message at 20:55 on Jun 6, 2017 |
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Jun 6, 2017 20:52
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Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:They agreed to split it 50/50 before he got laid off from his main job. He already had the business at that point. And she's mad about the lying, he uses his finances as an excuse to get out of things like the vacation, that's bad. Why are you so invested in defending this dude? And again, if they're sharing bills their finances aren't split.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:56
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:Yeah, "fair" was determined based on a lie. If I say "let's split the rent 50/50" that's "fair" until you find out the rent is much lower than I told you it was. If they agreed to split rent/groceries/expenses 50/50 and he is paying 50%, which he is, then that sounds fair by definition. He didn't claim poverty so she'd pay more. I'm guessing he's one of those Mr Money Mustache types who is saving a ton of money so he can retire at 35 or something.
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Jun 6, 2017 20:57
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I have friends that will spend forever looking for free parking if we go to meet somewhere that requires parking. I know some of them don't make a ton and therefore it makes sense that they aren't going to pay for parking. Friends that do make enough money though I think are cheap. This story would be like one of my friends who always spent forever finding parking was actually making a bunch more than me, at which point I would probably have to recognize where I stood relative to them paying for parking.
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Jun 6, 2017 21:00
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:He already had the business at that point. And she's mad about the lying, he uses his finances as an excuse to get out of things like the vacation, that's bad. Why are you so invested in defending this dude? Agreeing to have separate finances and split the bills 50/50 are not incompatible. It is extremely common. Also, I agree that it is lovely. But "I can't afford to vacation with your mom" is a pretty easy excuse to use instead of "I hate your mom" and she doesn't care about that part. They both suck. Any couple that is too scared to discuss finances for two years and then gets mad about undisclosed finances are not mature enough to be together. I would never buy a house 50/50 or pay for half of my girlfriend's car if we agreed to have separate finances and weren't married. She says that the lie is not the major issue, it is the missed financial opportunities. That is wrong and dumb.
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Jun 6, 2017 21:01
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