Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

How big is your dick in Celsius?

# ? Jun 9, 2017 04:41

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# ? May 10, 2024 08:56

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Five cord
Nineteen leagues

# ? Jun 9, 2017 04:50

tangy yet delightful: Sep 13, 2005

speaking of penii and units of measurement

what is the best unit for measuring things you can see with a scanning electron microscope?

asking for a friend

# ? Jun 9, 2017 04:58

Agentdark: Dec 30, 2007; Mom says I'm the best painter she's ever seen. Jealous much?

fruit on the bottom posted:

How big is your dick in Celsius?

My dick is 2/3s of a cubit.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 05:05

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

tangy yet delightful posted:

speaking of penii and units of measurement

what is the best unit for measuring things you can see with a scanning electron microscope?

asking for a friend

Nanometers works pretty well.

That's what I used to measure bacterial vesicles which were really really really small. What kind of unit are we taking about here for your friend? Small or extra small?

# ? Jun 9, 2017 05:12

tangy yet delightful: Sep 13, 2005

areyoucontagious posted:

Nanometers works pretty well.

That's what I used to measure bacterial vesicles which were really really really small. What kind of unit are we taking about here for your friend? Small or extra small?

I just asked him because he is up late you know and he did say that he's always been an extra kinda guy.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 05:40

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Angstroms i think.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 05:51

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

titties posted:

Angstroms i think.

I checked, and our scope was just old. Newer scopes are definitely down in the angstroms. 50pm on a scanning TEM Wikipedia tells me!

# ? Jun 9, 2017 05:57

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

timefly posted:

I refuse to believe a human can be this dumb

Its way more common than you want to believe. Like, 90% of people have to learn this one the hard way.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 08:13

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

RFC2324 posted:

Its way more common than you want to believe. Like, 90% of people have to learn this one the hard way.

Yeah, how to answer "does this ____ make me look fat?" is a common joke for a reason. Some guys think you should always be honest and open about literally everything, whether it's how fat they look or how hot their friend/sister/mom is and what you'd do to them if you had the chance.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 08:18

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

It really doesn't help my mental picture of this story that I kept picturing him as Ted from Scrubs for no good reason

I was picturing the Better Off Ted.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 08:25

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Why is inches the OK measurement for cocks? Is this America's legacy?

# ? Jun 9, 2017 08:45

Osama Dozen-Dongs: Nov 29, 2014

My penis is 47 Milanese lines. :agesilaus:

# ? Jun 9, 2017 08:55

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Because we won the war, eurotrash.

:911:

# ? Jun 9, 2017 09:19

Tinestram: Jan 13, 2006; Excalibur? More like "Needle"; Grimey Drawer

timefly posted:

I refuse to believe a human can be this dumb

Oh, were you on hiatus the couple of years the Fat is Beautiful threads were around?

# ? Jun 9, 2017 10:34

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I think calling your wife that just had your baby fat is one of the funnier things I've ever heard. That's like calling your girlfriend who you just lost your virginity to a slut. I'd make a comment about being drunk and slinking around your ex and kid's house too, but one of my friends just did that so it's hitting a little too close to home.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 13:44

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

fruit on the bottom posted:

Because we won the war, eurotrash.

pff, you struggled against ONE of our countries...

and it was Russia, one of our own nations who did all the heavy lifting and actually won the war

the full might of Europe would crush you like bugs under mighty boot

Europe - 1
"USA" - 0

# ? Jun 9, 2017 13:46

grumplestiltzkin: Jun 7, 2012; Ass, gas, or grass. No one rides for free.

Some nice airspace you got there, Europe. Sure would be a shame if someone...

*parks 3 carrier strike groups off coast*

...utterly dominated it.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 15:26

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

lol we tricked u into protecting us with ur own hardware

if you ever get uppity we can just nuke your whole fleet

lololrofl

# ? Jun 9, 2017 15:28

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Zzulu posted:

pff, you struggled against ONE of our countries...

and it was Russia, one of our own nations who did all the heavy lifting and actually won the war

the full might of Europe would crush you like bugs under mighty boot

Europe - 1
"USA" - 0

I'm pretty sure most of Germany is grateful they didn't go under full soviet control. Maybe the US joining wasn't needed but I think most would say they got a better deal in the end because of it.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 15:32

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Zzulu posted:

pff, you struggled against ONE of our countries...

and it was Russia, one of our own nations who did all the heavy lifting and actually won the war

the full might of Europe would crush you like bugs under mighty boot

Europe - 1
"USA" - 0

Thanks for helping with Japan

Oh wait.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 15:36

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Fartbox posted:

lol we tricked u into protecting us with ur own hardware

if you ever get uppity we can just nuke your whole fleet

lololrofl

This might be the dumbest trollpost, and I'm saying this in a thread that hosted a really long temperature derail

quote:

In high school I did gross/weird poo poo for money and for what I thought at the time was popularity. I want to confess all this poo poo because I did a few things that hurt other people.

I would eat whatever garbage people brought me. Ants right out of an anthill, bird eggs pulled from a nest, mixtures of food cooked up by mixing together leftovers, even stuff like lip balm or deoderant. One time I ate a live wasp and it stung me inside my mouth a few times until I swallowed it.

I'd let people fart in my face and I'd act like I was enjoying the smell and would waft it up my nose. Usually I just would breathe through my nose so I didn't really smell anything, but this is still pretty degrading.

I'd also climb stuff and tell people I felt like a monkey, then start scratching my rear end or pounding my chest. I did this a lot.

I'd let people punch me in the stomach and I'd say it didn't hurt a bit. I let a few people kick me in the balls and I'd say the same thing. It really hurt, in fact I fully believe my current diverticulitis is due to all those punches in the gut.

I'd steal gym clothes at the behest of others. Guys gym clothes I'd wear around school and we all had a good laugh when the guys figured it out. But I'd also sneak into the girl's locker room. My "friends" would all laugh and say "haha he's such a perv, gonna go home and sniff those?" and I'd say yeah and they'd laugh and high five me. But really I just took the stuff to the lost and found in the school office and felt bad.

Anyway, here's the awful thing which I should never have done.

We had a girl in our class who was really quiet and was a complete social outcast. Big glasses and she had some medical condition that led to her having thinning hair on her head but hairy arms and palms. So of course all the cool kids mocked her. My "friends" bet me I wouldn't take her on a date. They pooled together 100 dollars. I asked her out and we ended up going to Olive Garden for dinner. I remember because I used a coupon and was able to pocket almost 70 bucks. She was still super awkward and quiet but so was I. Without the crutch of doing stupid gross poo poo I had almost no social skills to speak of. And I was still pretty terrified of girls and was a complete virgin at this point. Who could have guessed a kid who ate bugs was a virgin???

So the date was awkward, even more awkward than most teenage dates and at the end we just went home. Never talked again.

Of course I went to school the next week and everyone is like "Did you gently caress her?" and "Did she put out?" and of course I'm a piece of poo poo so I say yeah and graphically describe a bunch of sex acts that I had imagined in my head after watching too much porn. And my "friends" are all awkward virgins too so of course they go "oh yeah, I remember doing a move like that once" and we're all huge pieces of poo poo and I keep going on and on and they keep laughing and hi-fiving me and patting me on the back.

The rumors spread that this girl was a slut and it basically ruined her senior year of school. She was ignored and made fun of behind her back before, now she was laughed at to her face. And of course all the insecure virgin girls started taunting her because god forbid somebody would have had sex anyway.

If I could go back in time I'd punch my younger self in the face, kick the poo poo out of every little rear end in a top hat I was "friends" with, and tell that girl she should just tell everyone else to gently caress off. I use facebook to keep up with kids from highschool. Most of my "friends" are just boring people in boring jobs now. Some are still assholes from what I can tell, some seem fine. I don't know what happened to that girl but I hope she found some halfway decent people in her life and realized that the problem was with us, not her.

This is the kind of thing where you definitely did something bad but everything else you described sounds like it was punishment enough so I can't really wish ill on you. People do dumb things when they're kids :shrug:

quote:

i watched a lot of anime growing up

One time in 7th grade English class a girl was drawing the logo for Yu Yu Hakusho on her notebook. A couple other kids saw it and starting calling her a baby and said that cartoons were for little kids.

She started crying in class, that's how bad the mocking was, and she had to go to the nurse's office and left early that day.

I thought she was cute since the first day of class and should have manned up and stood up for her. Even if I didn't think she was cute, it was still the right thing to do.

I'm a very lonely guy and reflect on this moment a lot since it kind of set the tone for the rest of my life.

I know I say this a lot, but a therapist could have a field day with this one

# ? Jun 9, 2017 15:38

Torquemada: Oct 21, 2010; Drei GlÃ¤ser

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Yeah, how to answer "does this ____ make me look fat?" is a common joke for a reason. Some guys think you should always be honest and open about literally everything, whether it's how fat they look or how hot their friend/sister/mom is and what you'd do to them if you had the chance.

"Don't bother getting me anything for Christmas this year, we need to save money." This doesn't mean what it says.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 16:45

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

Why would they all recognize the yu yu whatever logo?

# ? Jun 9, 2017 16:50

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

shut up blegum posted:

Why would they all recognize the yu yu whatever logo?

Yeah this is definitely a situation where if you knew what it was, you had no business throwing stones.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 17:01

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

According to GIS it looks like this

which, y'know, it's not hard to figure out what this is

# ? Jun 9, 2017 17:04

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

It reminds me of that scene in The Other Guys where Mark Wahlberg's character explains that he learned ballet and modern art criticism sarcastically so that he could make fun of the nerds and losers

# ? Jun 9, 2017 17:17

ReidRansom: Oct 25, 2004

Gynovore posted:

Don't forget the Axe body spray. A whole can every time you go out.

And the vodka Red Bull, that's another essential.

Discovery goon invented time travel and brought back this post from 2003

# ? Jun 9, 2017 17:50

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

tangy yet delightful posted:

speaking of penii and units of measurement

what is the best unit for measuring things you can see with a scanning electron microscope?

asking for a friend

It's penes. Penises is acceptable in English, but the Latin plural of penis is penes. Why would you think it's penii? It's (ironically) not a masculine noun. If it was "penius" you'd have it right. But it's not.

IDIOT!

# ? Jun 9, 2017 17:57

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Fartbox posted:

lol we tricked u into protecting us with ur own hardware

if you ever get uppity we can just nuke your whole fleet

lololrofl

durrrrr

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:07

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

KomodoWagon is technically correct in his post about the Latin word "penis" which translates literally to "tail"

(the English plural is of course just "penises")

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:08

grumplestiltzkin: Jun 7, 2012; Ass, gas, or grass. No one rides for free.

KomodoWagon posted:

It's penes. Penises is acceptable in English, but the Latin plural of penis is penes. Why would you think it's penii? It's (ironically) not a masculine noun. If it was "penius" you'd have it right. But it's not.

IDIOT!

romans go home

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:09

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

KomodoWagon posted:

It's penes. Penises is acceptable in English, but the Latin plural of penis is penes. Why would you think it's penii? It's (ironically) not a masculine noun. If it was "penius" you'd have it right. But it's not.

IDIOT!

I learned a lot about penis roots today. A sentence that is now forever carved into the stone of the internet.

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:10

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

If you want to upset Americans, just sass their military industrial complex - the biggest cancer on their economy bar none

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:11

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Fartbox posted:

If you want to upset Americans, just sass their military industrial complex - the biggest cancer on their economy bar none

I mean, it is, but I wasn't mad about it, just kind of in awe at your poor grasp on international relations

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:14

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Fartbox posted:

If you want to upset Americans, just sass their military industrial complex - the biggest cancer on their economy bar none

https://www.ishares.com/us/products/239502/ishares-us-aerospace-defense-etf

:colbert:

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:15

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Fartbox posted:

If you want to upset Americans, just sass their military industrial complex - the biggest cancer on their economy bar none

Sounds like you could use a little democracy. :clint:

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:18

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Fartbox posted:

If you want to upset Americans, just sass their military industrial complex - the biggest cancer on their economy bar none

Who needs a functioning economy when you have the means to go and take somebody else's?

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:19

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

loquacius posted:

I know I say this a lot, but a therapist could have a field day with this one

Textbook "I want a vulnerable shy girl I can rescue so she'll have to love me forever and will never challenge me or tell me I'm wrong" neckbeard poo poo.

She was her own person. If she got sick of being ridiculed, she'd have done something about it. She didn't need you to ride in on your white steed, point your sword at the bullies, and tell them to lay off. poo poo, you'd have just made things worse seeing as how you were in 7th grade. Kids are assholes. You really think if you'd stood up for her they'd have all scurried to hide like cockroaches and she would've swooned and fainted and you would've been there when she woke up, cradling her head in your arms?

Let it go you loving idiot and reexamine your views on relationships and women in general. I hope for your sake this happened just last year because if you're a grown-rear end man and you're still pining after an anime fan from 7th grade just lol

# ? Jun 9, 2017 18:56

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# ? May 10, 2024 08:56

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

*sitting with fainted girl*

"Oh my goddess!" he whispers as she wakes up

# ? Jun 9, 2017 19:04

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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